STILL ALIVE LIST:

Skyrah Labelle(D1 Female)

Felix Saunders(D2 Male)

Calamity Astrea(D3 Female)

Azurine Bahari(D4 Female)

Twyla Zahavyin(D5 Female)

Cameron Bordeaux(D6 Male)

Cornell Wheaton(D9 Male)

Elisabeth Bronzebrook(D11 Female)

Jackson Winters(D12 Male)

Alice Kimminger(D12 Female)

Jackson Winters(D12 Male)

Running. I was running. The ground was spinning. The sky was tilting. The waters and ocean and all the moisture in the air was fading away as sweat ran down my neck.

I was running.

I hadn't seen Alice in a long, long time. I didn't know if I ever would again. I had told her to run, but now, it seemed that she had run a little too far.

I glared harshly at the ground, running a hand through my red hair. I had to find her, somehow. Otherwise, she might die. If she wasn't dead already... I cast this pessimistic thought from my head and clenched my fists, letting all the gloominess fly away as a powerful flash of determination raced through me. I had to find her. And I could, I just knew it. She wasn't dead yet, and she could survive. She wasn't at all weak...

The hours flew by; I could almost hear the clock ticking, could feel the time slipping away. I couldn't run anymore, I was literally tripping along, panting hard, every muscle burning. I had ran probably the whole forest, seeing that now I was in an entirely different place.

Here, the snow had lessened a bit, and it wasn't as hard to run. I could almost move fluidly now, and I could see small hints of the deep brown earth, shining pale, clear white on the top. Melting dew, I thought. A shaft of sunlight, from up above, broke through the trees, intent on melting everything and turning it all into...water? I was suddenly aware of the fact that my shoes were practically destroyed by the combination of water and soil.

I kept going, however. Even though ever inch of me was weak and I just wanted to stop, to take a break, I had to know Alice was alright. I knew she'd do the same for me if I were in trouble. All these thoughts racing through my head, they made me stronger, somehow. And with that strength, I kept going.

It was dark when I saw something out of the corner of my eye, the faint flicker of...hair? I pulled my jacket closer around me and squinted, hoping, praying the hair might be hers. It seemed darkened, like all the color had just...faded away. No light whatsoever, simply shadow, splotches of shadow to match the areas beneath the trees, next to the roots. Her ash blonde hair, normally so pale and gorgeous, was almost brown now. So close to her, only a few feet away..

My shoulders went down. I felt terrible. Absolutely. Terrible.

I swallowed the cold lump in my throat, tried not to reach up and rub my nose, which had basically melted to liquid. She was gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. I shivered slightly, the hole in my heart growing by the second. Gone.

Alice.. I thought, too shocked to cry. And, because I had trained myself to be strong over the years. Now I wished my emotions were still within reach, that I could succumb to crying like a normal person.

Like a normal person. I swallowed hard. Normal person. Normal person. Normal person.

Everything had become so much more enhanced, so much more terrible, now that this had happened. I couldn't hope anymore. Whatever determination which had appeared before, had vanished as quickly as it had came. Now, my shoulders slumped, my whole body felt like it could not stand any longer. I sat down on the snow, not caring how cold it was, numb to everything and anything around me.

I wished the sky could just be a shade darker. That it was such a clear, pale color made me angry. Why couldn't they all be grieving today? Why were they completely oblivious to the terrible things that were happening around me? Why were there no storm clouds- why were there no darkness, no pouring rain to suit my mood?

I sighed heavily. It was long and low, a desperation, a giving up.

Her ash blonde hair was dark with death, empty of life. It was splayed out on the ground, obviously not her own decision because she was usually so delicate, so careful. Her face, if it was possible, was even paler, her rich brown eyes never to open again.

I trembled. Drew in a long breath, felt the pushing at my throat, of tears struggling to escape.

Alice.

Only twelve years old. So young. She had never been able to experience life, to be an adult, to do anything. A spark of anger shot up and consumed me, and before I knew it, the tears were coming, a waterfall down my cheeks. I hadn't cried in so, so long. I had learned to control that kind of thing. But this unfairness, this was terrible. How anyone could be so cruel was beyond me. The Capitol. The Capitol. I hated, hated the Capitol.

The rest of the night was a blur of anger, sadness, grief, and pain, the kind of pain that tortures you because it starts from the inside, from your heart, then moves to the outside. Soon, though, I didn't know what I was crying about, the only thought that lingered was Capitol. The horribleness, the grief, disappeared, replaced by a fierce, hard hate I didn't know could ever be possible from a human. I wished I had been faster. I wished I had seen her, had rescued her, I would've gladly gave my own life to save hers.

Alice.

The name, it had been thrown too many times upon my mouth, tasted in my saliva: Alice, I'm gonna go for a walk, is that fine? or Alice, are you okay? You seem a little down or Alice, are you coughing?

It had no meaning anymore. It was just a word, a combination of echoes that taunted me, played again and again in my ears until I was covering them, but no. They were playing inside my head, a video that will never be paused.

Alice.

I wondered what had killed her, a kind of desperate curiosity, to at least know what I could unleash my hatred on. But..I was not one to consider revenge, and I felt it would be so character...I didn't know. I didn't know anymore, what I would do. My heart was too sore to think, I didn't know such grief was even possible.

I decided this: I would be quiet, I would be my usual mysterious self, even as I felt completely changed by this event. Nobody would ever suspect such a weakness, hopefully. I looked at her again, her dead body, that knot of anger in my chest expanded.. I closed my eyes tightly, the tension in my shoulders relaxed momentarily as I was overcome with a wash of calming, and peace.

She was beautiful, just like Alice. A ghost of her, I thought, reaching out without thinking. Her hair was a sooty color, though carrying a faint hint of blonde. Her footsteps rustled the grass beneath her lovely white slippers, something I thought she never could have worn when she was living. Her eyes were blazing bright. I felt hesitation glue me to the ground. Instinct told me: this was too good to be true. This was not real.

Then suddenly, she transformed into a cat, a sleek one, silky-furred and small. She had a fine-shaped head, sort of like a diamond, and her pelt was a creamy gray.

Alice.

The name fell through my mind, dropped into the air out of my parched mouth.

The cat, it circled me, meowing softly. Her ears flattened and she sat down, tilting her head, opening her mouth and revealing sharp white teeth.

I took a cautious step back, and the cat pounced.

It was strong, that was for sure. Its hind legs kicked off the ground in a flurry of snow and it landed on me. Surprise hit me, and a bit of anger for not being more suspicious, and in a flash, I crushed the cat's mouth to the ground, trying not to think that this was Alice. It opened its mouth, its innocent mud-colored eyes demanding sympathy.

Well, I wouldn't give it what it wanted.

I shoved the cat into the earth and, pinned down, it couldn't do anything. My bow arrows were useless against it from such a close distance, which meant I had to kill it...with my bare hands.

It was easier than I thought, crushing the breath out of the cat. My mind had detached from my body, and I barely recognized Alice anymore. It was like I had forgotten entirely what she looked like. This cat, this impostor, was not, would never be, her. Because the real Alice is dead.

Wendigo - Neutral

Neutral. Such a pleasant word. Like, gray, just fading out into the background...nothing to worry about again, no sides to choose between..

I yawned, feeling like the morning described exactly that. It was pale, the sun stark in the sky. Neutral. A thought came to me; remembered Alice again. Tried to forget. Why did everybody always make such a big deal of deaths? It was just one more person- opponent- dying. Made you more likely to win.

I ran through my head everybody who was still in the Games, just to be sure my plans were all correct. Skyrah Labelle, pfft, it would be easy to get rid of her. She didn't have the sort of fighting spirit a normal Career had, and I knew it would be easy to trick her away from her allies, and then kill her.

Felix, I couldn't really tell. He had an odd kind of personality, something that was just normal and boring. No spark whatsoever, you could say he simply blended into the background. I would save him for last, just for my own entertainment and wanting to know more about him, if he had kept anything hidden away from the surface.

Calamity, District Three. I had many questions for her; for instance, how the hell did she still think she could continue surviving? Her ally was dead and she was alone. I had to admire her determination, though. It might be difficult killing her, because she had nothing to lose, here in this arena. I couldn't hold anyone hostage, because there was no one to hold hostage.

Oh, well. I would deal with her later. She was, what, fifteen? She couldn't have been to hard to kill.

The last Career was Azurine, who at least had a good amount of determination and fight in her. She would definitely be one I would feel a little regret for killing. She was great with knives, I knew, and I needed someone who was great with knives. Like Cameron.

Twyla- she had nothing to go back to, anyway. Get rid of her first, was my plan. I would feel the least regret.

Cornell, Cameron's ally. Should I leave him there or should I kill him now? He would protect Cameron, making sure he didn't get killed, which was exactly what I needed. I decided I would let him live for a little while, see how useful he could prove to be.

Elisabeth...she was a bit of a cliche, typical volunteer for your sister type of thing. Definitely going to be dead the same day as Twyla.

And Jackson. He had escaped me once, he wouldn't escape me again. He had penetrated my pride and now he would pay dearly for it, whether he knew it or not. I growled, the low sound rumbling deep in my throat. I would aim for him, Twyla, and Elisabeth first. Then, my plan could be set into motion, once every tribute was dead- except Cameron.

Elisabeth Bronzebrook(D11 Female)

Voices spun around and around in my head, echoes bouncing off one another, as if I were standing inside an empty cave. A snarl: Stupid girl. Don't you dare blame my little, sweet Rosie! I buried my face in my hands, regret burning in my throat. What was I doing? I couldn't fight...and if I survived until the end, I didn't want to face the final battle... I didn't want to die.

These days, the memories were coming, fiercer and harsher than ever. I was trying my best to block them out, but it was so very, very hard. All my life I had bit my tongue, did whatever my stepmother asked me to. But now, I had freedom- not the kind of freedom I wanted. For Rosie, I was in these Games. I had to survive, for Rosie.

I let in a deep, shuddering breath and felt the stinging of my eyes evaporate, as the happier memories were recalled.

"Elisabeth?" Twyla's voice was soft, filled with sympathy that didn't exactly fit with her personality. I knew her as strong, tough, willing to fight through anything to get back home. And she was so much like me, she understood, because she had faced a stepmother who had done awful things to her, as well.

I looked up into her fierce eyes, trying to swallow that lump in my throat, the weight of the Games pouring down on me. I felt the familiar shyness hit me, the kind that made me not know what to say, as I stood there, my mind blank.

"Twyla..." I whispered.

Twyla's eyes narrowed, she seemed to instantly read my mind and said, "You know, 'lisabeth, you just have to forget. Forgive and forget. Well, probably not that forgiving part, but at least let go... Don't make the bad memories win. That's what they want, right? So if we survive until the end, we'll prove them all wrong." She smiled, a bitter one, filled with sarcasm. "And when we come back...we'll get to see the looks on their faces when they realize you're bringing back prizes, food, a lifetime filled with riches."

"Would you?" I mumbled.

Twyla tilted her head. "Would I what?"

"Would you give the riches to your family, your stepmom? Or would you just keep it yourself?" I questioned. It was such a difficult question, but it was what good people would do. Forgive, and hopefully mend all the hatred which had taken place all those years ago.

Twyla's expression changed to one of longing, a wistfulness that I too felt in my very bones. "I wish things could be different," she said, looking as if she were unsure of her own words. "I wish I could take everyone from this arena, even the Careers, back home with me, because at least they're better than what I have at home, what I would have to face alone.

"I guess...I would let them have some of it. Even if I think they might not deserve that, it's the best way to fix things. I won't go back home and show off, no, I'll share it, and hopefully they'll share some of their love too."

"So you're saying you love them?" I blurted out.

"Not exactly. I mean, who could love them after all that? But I think if I forgive them, maybe they'll be kinder to me. It doesn't work to fight hatred with hatred, Elisabeth." She shook her head sadly. "I hope, though, if I don't win, that you will. Then I can follow you, in spirit, for the rest of your life. We're so young..we don't deserve to die."

I nodded understandingly. "Yeah..."

I was lost in thought when a shadow blocked the entrance to our camp. My eyes widened and I let out a scream without even knowing it. Twyla moved beside me, her fingers already around a spear. "What is it?"

I tensed as the shadow moved closer. I still couldn't make out what exactly it was. Then, as the light fell over it through the cracks in the trees, I realized whoever it was, was not any of the other tributes. The shadow was giant, tall and menacing, taller even than the Careers.

"Who is it?" Twyla shouted, shouldering me aside. I squinted into the darkness and saw a figure come into view.

A low laugh, soft and eerie, poured out of the opening. I cringed.

Suddenly Twyla was knocked to the ground and dead, her throat slit open with a slashing red mark. I screamed, hearing myself loud and crystal-clear.

Then I was on the ground too, and I felt a scary ripping in my neck. The pain was horrible, coming in relentless waves, and I suddenly tasted something thick in my mouth, globs of it against my tongue. I spat it out, realizing it was red...dark red.

Blood.

My throat, it hurt, I gagged, not able to speak, my jaw moving, my breath cutting off. My chest felt terrible, it felt like all the pain in the world was coming against me, and I was struggling to take in air. I gasped as my throat suddenly tightened, my windpipe broken. I tried frantically to breath, rasping heavily, but it was no use.

I took in a breath, mouthfuls of blood staining my teeth.

I couldn't let it out.

1/2/18

happy new year