Whispers on the wind
Matthias almost snorted loudly at that statement. 'It's been a while,' understatement of the century. However, he settled with crossing his arms over his chest and fitting the Lukas with a proper glare. "What are you doing here?" he snapped, hoping his voice sounded sharp enough to put the general on edge. Instead, Lukas seemed completely unfazed or maybe even a bit amused, and it only made Matthias more annoyed. "You could have the decency to at least look a little bit guilty about randomly showing up when it suits you and without an explanation."
"Or don't" Matthias muttered angrily after a few moments without a response, but there was a lump forming in his throat, making the words stick in his mouth all bitter and foul. "After all, you're just a pawn under the thumb of our evil king and doing your very best to help the common people by coming with advice one moment, killing our leader the next and then save some random rebel one moment later. I am getting tired of this whole dance, never knowing whether I should kill you or thank you." He had a hard time keeping the venom out of his tone. "So let's us just skip to the point, what is it you showed up here for?"
"You have every right to be angry with me" Lukas replied calmly, barely lifting an eyebrow at the harsh words. "And yes, there is a point to me showing up. I have tracked your group for a few days now."
He was about to continue, but Matthias swiftly interrupted. "If you have tracked us, then you know about the ambush we just suffered through!"
Lukas did not reply, but the look on his face told Matthias everything he needed to know and his cheeks burned hotly in anger even through the biting wind. He was surprised at his own sudden fury. Before the rebellion, he always wore his heart on his sleeve, he never feared to speak his mind and often spoke before he thought anything over, often to the annoyance of those around him. After the rebellion started and after the first meetings with Lukas, he's had to keep his thought firmly concealed and his emotion under tight control to keep people from panicking when they faced building doom and to make sure nobody would look through his secrets and lies. Now all those feelings and thoughts burst to the surface after building up pressure for weeks. He almost hurled the torch at Lukas in rage, but knew he would quickly regret it if the only source of light was to die because he could not control his temper.
"You knew, and yet you didn't warn me! I thought you wanted us to win this fight, yet you let the soldiers ambush us, slaughter us and rip to shreds what little hope many of us have left. Our numbers and resources are dwindling faster than we anticipated and we lose more people every single day and not because of battles, but either to sickness, starvation or the cold alone. This winter is killing us and we still have the biggest challenge waiting for us and you could not give us a simple little warning that there were soldiers on our asses."
Lukas stepped forward, hands slightly raised as if he was about to argue back, but not a single sound made it out his lips. Instead, a blue light shone dimly through the fabric of his tunic on his arms. The same blue pattern Lukas showed him the last time they saw each other, the magical marks that somehow symbolized a punishment the king put on him.
Matthias did snort loudly this time. "Figures," he muttered to himself. They stood like that for a moment in silence before Matthias sighed in defeat. "Fine, tell me then why you are here then, if that is the only thing you are able to talk to me about and I'll try not to interrupt you this time."
"I really wish I was able to talk to you without these restrains, but it is not really under my control. I know that you are heading towards the capitol. I overheard your conversation and know of your plan to attack the capitol from within with a chosen few team members." Lukas gestured towards the faint glow of the campfire and then looked back at Matthias. You know that the road you have chosen is the most dangerous one, and still you decide to press on. That road is perfectly safe during the summer months, but it is an infamous death trap during winter, having lured many an experienced traveler to their deaths. The roads are slick with ice and the only things not covered in snow are the sharp peaks of rock that will slice you open when you eventually slip or miss a step. If the ice does not get you, the wolves usually do. They are viciously hungry during this time of year when food is in short supply and travelers around these parts are usually easy prey when they can´t make an easy escape on the treacherous roads."
"Thank you for stating obvious facts" Matthias mutters darkly. "I was not feeling horrible enough about this situation before you showed up. You know there is nothing I can do but see it through to the end. You overheard the plan, there are no other choices, or do you know something I do not?" He was getting increasingly angry and annoyed. This meeting was only serving to rack up the feelings of guilt about his continuous deception and the constant self-doubt.
Lukas sighed heavily and looked away as if he was feeling guilty. "I just wanted to make sure you were being careful about this decision of yours," he said and there was a strange note in his voice that Matthias had never noticed before, but he could not place it. Most things Lukas was hard to place and he decided it was best to let it got.
"As if you really care about us," Matthias snapped harshly. "You just want us to win so you get free of that magic binding you to follow orders from the king and keeps you from finding your brother. You only follow your own selfish agenda." He breathed heavily after finally venting his emotions. He was so tired of keeping everything bottled up, since he could not tell anybody else about his run-ins with Lukas, and at this point, he could not tell anybody where he had gotten any his information from at all. They would probably accuse him of working for the king just for having associated with the kings general and not killed him on sight, especially after he murdered Brynjar. They might even want to have him killed for it. He had not realized just how much it weighed down on him until he finally got it off his chest and felt lighter for it.
Lukas had the nerve to smirk at his ragged breathing and heaving chest after his ranting. "Secrets weight heavy on your heart," he said calmly, and it only served to further fuel Matthias´ frustration. "You might not feel like it, but that is good. The inability to tell lies easily is only the sign of a good man. A lot is lost the day a man finds it an easy task to keep secrets as big as yours."
"And how to you feel about keeping secrets?" Matthias snapped.
"If I felt the weight of the secrets that I keep, I would have crumbled beneath them a long time ago," Lukas said with a vicious glint in his eyes and Matthias felt the expected drop in his stomach and gooseflesh break out on his arms at the coldness of the reply. "You should not ask questions you do not wish to know the answer to. Especially not when you already know what the answer will be, it could save you a lot of worries."
"You could always lie, you know," Matthias said weakly, the anger in him abating and he rubbed his arms to get some warmth back into his limbs after the bucket of ice water that was Lukas´s honesty.
"Yes, I could" Lukas replied easily. "But what purpose does it serve to lie when you are not likely to believe me anyways? You already have a hard time listening to my advice; it would not be wise of me to give you any further reason to doubt my every word by lying just to placate you. Considering the situation, it will be for the best for you to remain alert. You should not trust anyone blindly, nor accept any plan without a second thought. Especially when it comes from someone like me."
Matthias felt the cold settle deeper in his gut and shuddered to think what could turn any creature as cold as the one standing before him. There were moments in the past he had believed there was something good in Lukas but then he said or did something so wrong, like now that it made him doubt there was a single shred of humanity left in him. He then firmly reminded himself that it was thanks to information from Lukas that the rebels were still even alive, and he had gone out of his way to make sure Matthias did not perish when he almost died from the infected wound. He sat by his bedside and even sang to him, a song haunting and sad. He swallowed thickly and looked at the slightly curious expression on Lukas' face.
He cleared his throat trying to take the focus away from the uncomfortable silence and conflicting emotions raging through his body. "So, to get back on track. You tell me this road is so dangerous. Is it you goal to make me change the plan and drag my friends along somewhere else?"
A tiny smirk flickered at the corner of Lukas' mouth, but disappeared just as quickly. "Strangely enough, I came to see whether you were truly willing to risk taking the mountain crossing during wintertime and make sure you are aware of the dangers."
"And if we were not planning to head for that road? What would you do then? You did just make sure to confirm every doubt I ever had about taking that route. Mirror ice and jagged rocks, hungry wolves and whatnot."
"I would have to revise my plans." Lukas said lightly. "Maybe play down the danger of the mountain pass and tell you it was the forest that was filled with wolves instead. It is of course a lie, because the way around is usually the safer one. That is of course when it is not the main route for soldiers and spies that travel to the norther part of the kingdom. It is a lot easier to track someone on that road and remain unseen."
"That's exactly what I need" Matthias sighed. "More vague hints. I should probably have told you earlier, but I was a farmer and occasionally a hunter, never a scholar, I hate having to go over every word to make sure I don't miss anything hidden meaning between your words. You told me the last time we met that you cannot tell me any of the king's plans, but it sure sounds like you are saying there are soldiers waiting along the forest path, that it is best to take the mountain pass to avoid being caught."
He received a weak smile in return. "A spider can weave intricate webs, but sometimes there are cracks for an insect to make insect to make its way through." Matthias rolled his eyes dramatically; he was thoroughly sick of the riddles and overly complicated phrasing. The wind was howling around his ears, his fingers were turning numb and his teeth clattered loudly in protest against the cold.
Lukas seemed to sober a bit and possibly pondered his next words. "It just so happens that the tactics of one of the up and coming commander from the capitol is not specifically weaved into the networks of rules I have been ordered to follow. His plans are his own and does not fit in with my orders. He hopes that if he catches himself a rebel leader he will finally earn himself the position he wants with the nobility and a fine retirement in a few years. The capitol and nearby cities as tapestried with the faces of certain rebels and he would be in tough competition should they ever make their way there. He believes he has to take a more active approach in order to catch one or more. He saw an opportunity when the high commander chose him to take part in an assault team chasing down the rebels in the north after the crushing loss outside of Aeston." Lukas grimaced and the markings on his skin flared up. "A fortnight ago, he split from the company with a group of men loyal to him; all of them highly trained trackers and spies. There is a reason you managed to beat that assault team in the first place. They were missing several men from the original plan."
"Were you supposed to be with the assault team?" Matthias asks carefully, realizing they were edging on dangerous territory if the markings were to judge. Lukas hisses sharply and the blue glow seemed to flare even brighter. Matthias waives his hand quickly as if to dissipate the question. "You were." He states grimly, suddenly realizing the battle could have ended a lot worse than it did. Lukas's magic would have changed the entire battlefield. He would have decimated them all.
"When the king finds out I did not lead his chosen team through the attack he will punish me severely," Lukas seems to force out through gritted teeth. "I just have to hope it will not be the final drop that makes him realize I am not worth the trouble anymore. It would probably be easier for everybody if you just killed me now before he gets a chance to put further orders on me."
"Nope" Matthias replied quickly breaking of that particular line of conversation as quickly as possible, not willing to consider the option. "Are you able to tell me how you weaseled out of that particular order?"
"It just so happens that it is part of my job to make sure there are no deserters among the king's men. It is a rule he placed upon me many years ago, but it is still an order. A captain leaving in the middle of the night was worth chasing down. The king might have preferred it if I did not decide to follow that particular lead just before we were about to reach the rebel target. How could I possibly know that was the exact moment I was needed to lead the troops?" Sarcasm lazed Lukas' words and Matthias almost wanted to laugh.
"That was certainly bold of you." Matthias was genuinely impressed, even if he would have thought the king would have been clever enough to make sure there would not exist such a simple loophole as conflicting orders even if one order were old enough to fall out of memory for most. "This captain you mentioned. He is looking for me right. I know they had my face drawn on wanted posters soon after Griven, you showed it to me."
"You are one of the more famous rebels that is true" Lukas replied. "There is also your leader, and that smith. A few others, but their rewards are no comparison and not worth risking going against the king's order to track down. Your capture would earn the captain and his men a rapid promotion, if of course if he manages to hide the fact that they abandoned their company who later expired horribly without their presence. It was worth the risk. You travelling mostly alone in a small group like this, it is the perfect opportunity for him. Lucky for you this weather made him have to wait for a better opportunity."
"And if we follow the safe route he will have plenty of opportunity for easy capture." Matthias finishes gravely, shuddering at the thought of enemy soldiers hiding somewhere in the forest and possibly following his every step without him even noticing.
He received a nod in confirmation. "You are also short on time. I will eventually have to make my way back to the castle and give the king a report of what happened. He will demand to know how I failed in my orders; He will wonder why the rebels are still alive when he wanted them wiped of the face of the earth. If he asks the right questions, I will have no choice but to answer him and I will not be able to hide anything. Therefore, if I get to the capitol before you, he will know all you plans and he will be ruthless in his response. I will likely never be able to have any sort of freedom again if I get to keep my life at all.
You also want to be sure to be back before this captain. If you travel the long way and avoid capture you will have a hard time getting into the city without the guards arresting you or the citizens fighting to turn you in for the reward. He knows your face now and know the scared young boy from the old poster looks nothing like the man and leader you have become."
Matthias felt his cheeks flame at those words and cleared his throat loudly while Lukas' eyes glinted mischievously. "I kind of feel really guilty for yelling at you earlier now. I am actually starting to believe that that you really want us to win and are not just messing with us." Lukas looked like he was about to interrupt, but Matthias barreled on. "I know, I know. You can still be lying, blah, blah. You are not to be trusted, yadda, yadda. But the evidence are starting to pile up in you favor here no matter how much you deny it."
Lukas slowly drew closer and Matthias stood perfectly frozen in place, holding his breath for a few seconds before he let it out again in a white fog in the cold waiting to see what Lukas would do. He suddenly caught himself thinking that Lukas looked so much smaller than before. His skin was so pale, but when they were standing this close, even with just the faintest glow from the torch, Matthias could see the hint of dark circles underneath his eyes and the tiniest wrinkle on the forehead that he would usually associate with pain. He looked exhausted, even vulnerable and it was a shocking thing to realize when the Lukas in his mind was so powerful and untouchable. With his face only centimeters away, Matthias felt as if Lukas was mentally taking him apart piece by piece to see how he worked and was curious about what he found.
Time seemed to stand still for a long time and Matthias swallowed around a lump forming in his throat. He cleared his throat carefully hoping to cut through the building tension. "You know, when you look at me like that, it makes me wonder if you're about to kiss me." He was aiming for a light humorous tone, not revealing the anxiety and razing pulse underneath his skin. When the silence went on for a few seconds without a response, he quickly said. "That, or turn me in to a pile of ash at the snap of your fingers."
He bit his tongue to keep from saying anything more foolish as he waited for Lukas to break, berating his own ability to keep his mouth shut. Eventually Lukas sighed deeply and seemed to shrink even more much to Matthias' horror. It made him want to scream and rage, hoping it would bring back the Lukas who stood before him only minutes before, fazing down his anger with easy confidence and viciousness that made his skin crawl.
"I have dragged this out far longer than I should have," he muttered quietly. "I should take my leave."
"Don't walk away from me." Matthias voice sounded shrill and panicked to his own ears and he winces. "You have more on your mind, I can see it and what is the point of holding back now? You are obviously turning down a path where your means of escape are dwindling fast. It seems to me, I'm the only ally you have got."
"That is very true." A bitter smile appeared on Lukas' face. "The only possible ally I have left. You should know I can sense the ashes you are carrying with you." Matthias hand automatically reaches for the pouch he recently added to his belt and his heart skips a few beats. "Good!" Lukas continues firmly, completely ignoring his unease. "You are still missing a few components, but that will help you should worst come to worse." He stayed silent for a few seconds, apparently considering his next words. "I am not used to depending on others and do not make the habit of asking others for help. This might be the last time I get to speak with you with my will mostly as my own, so I want to ask you a favor."
"Anything." Matthias agreed quickly. The words were easy and he meant them, but he regretted them when he saw the face Lukas made in return. His Eyes closed and brows furrowed. It seemed like he was reliving the worst moments of his life and Matthias hated himself for being the one to put that expression on his face. He did not like the new direction the conversation was heading.
"Careful with your promises. That exact word is what got me into trouble those many years ago. I told you I do not wish to die unless I absolutely have to, but I am starting to accept it might be inevitable. My only regret is never being able to see my brother again and make sure he is safe. I know he is alive, but that I only because this cursed magic will break if he dies." Lukas suddenly yanks up the sleeves on his tunic to show off more of the glowing marks. "I can only assume he is being kept somewhere safe and with guards to make sure we will not be harmed unless the king orders it. I want the king to die so I can find my brother and release him from capture, and if I die in this war I can't do that."
Surprisingly a tear rolled down Lukas's cheek and froze before it hit the ground. Matthias had to fight himself not to lift a hand and dry the traces of tears away. A creature that was clearly not used to kindness and trust would probably not appreciate touch from someone they only sought out as a last resort, so instead he asked gently. "Then tell what this favor is and I will decide afterwards if it is something I am willing to do."
"If I die," Lukas began gravely, voice thick with suppressed emotion. "If I die and you defeat the king, I would like it if you would find my brother and have him released. It should only be a matter of asking the right people or send the right letter. When both the king and I are dead, there is no longer a reason to keep him locked up. At least that is what I hope. I would just like to face my possible death with the hope that he might not have to suffer anymore from my actions and be free to make his own way."
Matthias took the courage to grab Lukas's hand with one hand, almost losing the torch in his other. He had to grasp tighter when Lukas attempted to pull away and held his gaze. The skin was cold underneath his fingers except for a strange warmth that emanated from the blue markings. "I promise you that I will do everything in my power to save your brother! Look at my face and see that I am telling the truth, I have had many doubts about you and the things I have done because you told me to do so, but this is a task I will take on with no hesitation."
Lukas smiled sadly at that and gently used his free hand to pry away Matthias' fingers from his arm. "You have no idea what that means to me. You should go back to you group now, get some rest, you need all the energy you can get, there is a long and dangerous road ahead and there is little I can do to aid you further. Luck be with you."
Matthias can only stare as Lukas turn away and disappear in the whirling snow within seconds, hating the defeated and breakable posture. His guts were in uproar, his heart beating madly and mind screaming to run after Lukas immediately and find a way to ease his suffering.
He swallows heavily, turning back to where he came from, the campfire glowing faintly as the only guide back to their campsite. That conversation had turned so quickly and into an unexpected direction. The change in Lukas over just the minutes of their discussion made him uneasy and sad. He does not doubt that it was all real and not part of an act to trick him further. The sudden need to protect Lukas from everything scared the life out of him. He had enough on his plate and should not think of the needs of one man. Especially not one as dangerous as Lukas, who could ruing everything he was fighting so hard to save. He furiously wiped away a few frustrated tears that forced their way out and sobbed once before he forced stowed away his emotions threatening to tear him apart.
It was a dangerous line of thoughts and he showed them to the far back of his mind. Now he needed to wake the next person in line for guard duty and get some much-needed rest for the next day's long march. He huddled down among the others after waking Berwald for the next shift and prayed for sleep to take him quickly.