A/N: I'm back with another Billy chapter. Thank you so much for the kind words. I really love exploring so many different issues and layers of personalities in this story. I really wish Billy as a character had been looked into more on Stranger Things as we only really got little tidbits. I've already planned out the next chapter so I should be getting on with writing that out soon. In the meantime, thank you to everyone who has supported this story so far. I'm really excited to start writing the rest of it! Keep letting me know your thoughts, they really help!
~Billy~
Jesus, I couldn't believe this was happening.
Beads of sweat were forming below my hairline, heart pumping.
Alright, I had to do this properly.
My hands hovered above the records, twiddling as I tried to make my decision.
I Want to Know What Love Is could be a good place to start. A little bit of Foreigner would suit us. I clicked my tongue in frustration. Oh God, this was cringeworthy and way too serious. I could do better than this.
What were my other options? No love songs. Definitely no love songs. Usually I was confident in this department. I knew how to satisfy a girl. Difference was, most of the girls I had slept with had no attachment to me. There was always an agreement in place that we wouldn't go beyond the nature of a friends with benefits relationship. We would simply meet up, drive out somewhere in my car - usually to some isolated area near the beach - and go for it. As many times as we wanted. But there was nothing associated with it. It was just fucking. But with Sierra, this was something entirely different and I felt unsure of myself all of a sudden.
Screw it, I needed to cool the fuck down.
Scorpions. That would do it.
As the record spun, it popped and crackled until No One Like You played. Sharply exhaling, I was content with my choice. I was taking this way too seriously.
Come on, you'll be fine. You always have been. But Jesus, what a song to being playing.
I just want to be loved by you.
I quickly turned it off.
Great, all I had was myself to stoke my own ego. This was never usually an issue. But Nightingale was a whole other experience. Either way, I still had to see if my trusty wallet backup was doing okay. Don't get me wrong, Zack was cool and all but I would make a shitty father. I threw my leather jacket off onto her bed with a groan, I wasn't going to go down that thought avenue right now. I turned on the light and squinted as the brightness attacked my eyes. At least I would be able to see my reflection clearly. Hair was still in all the right places, a little more tousling wouldn't hurt though. Shit, I had the smallest amount of tomato sauce in the corner of my mouth. Simply licking it off, I examined each feature. Eyes twinkling with excitement, smirk doing its usual job. I winked at myself, satisfied with the result. We were going to have the perfect time tonight. Just me and my girl. To be honest, I could do with a cigarette before anything. Help to cool me down. Besides, if she had anything she wanted to talk about, sharing a cigarette outside was a good opportunity. Again, this wasn't exactly my regular set-up. The girl's beforehand all knew it was purely about sex. There was a plan in place, boundaries established. This was a domain I had never truly accessed before. Actually being in a relationship. Sure, everyone who saw these girls going into my car back in California would have thought we were dating, but it was just sex. Every now and then we would go to see a movie, or hang out and smoke a joint together down by the old creek, but that was as far as it would ever go. Of course, there was the odd girl who thought it would be okay to overcome the boundaries and try to be my girl, but I made it very clear that wasn't what I wanted, and if after a swift reminder of what we had agreed to didn't work, she'd soon find herself back outside her house watching as my car speed away. A lot of people back at San Diego High School thought I was an asshole for it. However, I knew I had reminded whatever girl it was that it wasn't going further and asked them if they agreed. If they didn't, then nothing happened. I wasn't an asshole, I was just blunt. There's a difference between being an asshole and getting shit straight. Besides, no matter how much of an asshole they thought I was, it wouldn't stop them from inviting me to house parties or asking me to do a line with them. Or from trying to get laid again. But once a girl had made her thoughts clear the first time, then that was it. I wasn't going back to them. There were plenty more in the sea. And we would just do a line together and go separate ways.
That's how it had always been and until recently, what I had expected it to be like. When I first saw her sitting in her car, reading Brave New World, I distinctly remembered thinking she would be the first of many. Then we went to The Communion together. It was when everything changed. How ironic the word 'communion' means exchanging intimate thoughts on a mental level. No matter how much I tried to fight it, I didn't want the usual set-up with Sierra. I didn't want it with anyone. For once, I wanted something else. Something with meaning.
As I put my leather jacket on, I heard the sound of glass shattering downstairs. Furrowing my eyebrow, I stopped for a second. I didn't doubt Sierra would struggle carrying more than two glasses of water up here. If she could carry a kid in one arm and balance other stuff in the other, then I was pretty sure she wouldn't struggle. Perhaps she was bringing more than one thing up here? I wouldn't complain if it was that fancy wine we'd had the other night. I sauntered out of her bedroom, smirking at the lace bra and panties that were on top of the white duvet cover. However, the sound of Sierra talking forced me to halt at the top of the steps. Who the hell was downstairs?
Quickening my pace a little, I made my descent down the stairs and into the lounge area. Everything seemed okay, nothing out of place. Maybe Zack had forgotten something and had come back to get it? Something just didn't feel right. I knew where I had felt this before. Just before the first punch. The jangle of a belt. The sharp intake of breath when you had said the wrong thing.
My eyes narrowed upon seeing the black blazer strewn over one of the armchairs.
"I would rather be like her than the piece of shit you are"
Fuck.
I ran to the kitchen. The swing of his arm. The blood.
It all happened so quickly.
No one hurts my girl.
The bastard was too drunk to notice I had seized his arm, spinning him around. Electricity pulsated through my fingers as they curled into a fist. An overpowering jolt went straight through me the moment he fell to the floor. One swift motion. One singular punch was all it had taken.
That's when it happened.
An out of body experience.
I had been watching myself the entire time, only breaking free when the fist had connected with skin. Anthony Nightingale contorted, His face flashing in my mind. But as my eyes drifted up, seeing her there, cornered and frightened, my lifeless arms raised up. Numb from the pressure rising. Escaping from the all too familiar threatening aura I had found myself standing in, I started to hear heavy breathing echo through my ears. It was mine. But I felt so disconnected from everything, like I was merely a spectator. As I felt slender arms anchor me back to reality, everything sped up and my eyes darted around the kitchen. Trying to establish what the hell was going on.
Things became vividly clear again. Leftover meatballs on the side. A crayon drawing of a dinosaur on the fridge. Shards of glass on the cooker. An odor of sweat and stale alcohol. Anthony Nightingale lying beneath me.
I was back.
Feeling rushed in this sudden change of events, my fingers clutched Sierra's elbows and I held her away from me, seeing the extent of the damage. Crimson gushed down her lips, spread over Anthony's knuckles, my eyes flickering between the two. I felt her shivering. My thumb brushed over her cupid's bow, but the thick blood flowed over it, warm against my skin.
"Don't worry, I've got you" I whispered hoarsely. Frantically, I searched for something to clean her up. But I couldn't let her rigid body go. Instead, I resorted to using the sleeve of my jacket.
"I-I'm sorry" she stuttered. Her gaze was fixated just past her dad's twitching feet, watching the glass as it glittered under the light. I grabbed her chin, and as I realized I had been rougher than I had expected, loosened my grip and gingerly tilted it so she would look at me.
"Don't apologize for shit like this" I murmured. "Alright? You have nothing to be sorry about" Suddenly, those green orbs began to glisten with tears and I could see her bottom lip wobble, a strained squeak escaping. Instantly, I hauled her into a tight embrace, a refuge from all the carnage closing in on us. She was still so stiff, arms pinned to her side. Breath held captive in her lungs. "We're getting out of here"
Quickly, she moved away from me. Tears unshed. Head shaking in disapproval.
"Do you seriously think I'm going to let you stay here?" I asked, my voice sharp. If Sierra thought I was going to leave her here to clean up the mess, she was wrong. Simultaneously, if she thought I was going to wait for her piece of shit father to wake up so he could get another punch in, she was wrong again. Firstly, because I would beat the living shit out of him before he even had the chance to. Secondly, because she would listen to the voice of reason here and leave with me. "Sierra, let's go"
"I want to make sure he's okay" she breathed and knelt down beside Anthony, trembling hands pushing against his shoulders. "Whi-whiskey makes him vomit"
"Then let him" I snapped, but this was met with a ferocious glare. "Sierra, look at you. Look at what he's done to you" It was no use, she wasn't moving. If it was Him, I would have just left. No regrets. It would be freedom. A release. Even if it was death that finally made Him stop. Hell, it wasn't like I hadn't thought about it before. But with Sierra, she was still imprisoned by an invisible chain. Then again, was I? If I had wanted Him to stop so badly, then what was keeping me from unleashing all this hell smoldering inside me? Letting out an infuriated sigh, I knelt down next to her. Heaving him up to my face by the collar of his shirt, I recoiled as he belched slightly in my face. That was enough of a sign for me. Dropping Anthony's limp body back down, I stood up and offered Sierra my hand. "There's your answer. He's alive"
I towered over them, observing as Sierra positioned him so he rolled onto his side. Silently, she gestured for me to retrieve a frilly yellow cushion on one of the dining room chairs. I begrudgingly obeyed her. Why was she treating him with this kindness? He quite clearly had no qualms about treating her the complete opposite. Droplets of blood scattered over his crisp white shirt as she adjusted the cushion comfortably, falling from her nose. I couldn't watch this. Watch how nice she was to him after he had inflicted this cruelty. Instead, I went back to her bedroom and into her closet. Blindly, I snagged a band shirt, breaking the clothes hanger in the process. Cursing under my breath, I tossed the snapped off bit somewhere on the other side of the room and staggered into her bathroom. I was pissed off. Pissed off that even after giving her a busted nose, Anthony was winning. He had someone to still take care of him, someone on his side. This was how it continued.
But you just let it happen too, Billy.
Get out of my goddamn head, I screamed at the twin who constantly berated me. It lived in my head and always knew the right moment to speak up uninvited. Staring in a mirror, watching your own lips move whilst knowing full well you are standing like a statue.
You never make it stop.
With a strained growl, I felt the quick bolt of pain dart through my foot as I kicked something. Whatever it was, it was definitely made of sturdy stuff.
I didn't have time to think about this sort of shit.
Toothbrush and shirt in hand, I jogged back down the stairs and into the kitchen where I found Sierra stood up, hovering over Anthony. Those tears had finally released themselves. Freely, they cascaded down her cheeks.
Immediately, I strode over to her and threw my arms around her. Kissing her head, stroking those curls. I knew there and then no one was here to help her, to soothe her as the aftermath would unfold into sheer panic. Like with me, there was never anyone here. We only had ourselves. But now, I was here. I was going to stop the chaos before it had a chance to spiral. Behind me, I heard Anthony murmur something. There was nothing more I desired then to knock him back into oblivion, but that wasn't an option right now. Sierra was more important. I was getting her out of here.
"Come on, let's go"
Casting one final glance at her father as he began to stir, she nodded and followed me.
"Sierra…" He started to get up, legs shaking and voice slurred. Instinctively, I placed myself in front of Sierra, holding an arm out behind me to hold onto her hand. Her grip constricted, nails digging into my skin. She was terrified. "Get me a whiskey, will ya?"
The seething temper in me rose. Before I had a chance to strike, the bastard stumbled. Eyes deflected to the ground, Anthony took three more steps forwards until it all became too much for him and he sank into the dining room chair, head flopping onto the table with a heavy clonk. My heartbeat slowed significantly when the rattling snores gurgled out of his mouth.
"Alright" I said in a voice that contrasted how I felt inside. Self-assured on the outside, panicking on the inside. Brushing my own anxiety aside, I wrapped my arm around her waist, guiding her to the door before she could change her mind. However, just before we made it to the door, she stopped. I was about to open my mouth to give her a million different reasons why she should listen to me when I saw her open a drawer and pour through lots of cassettes. Okay, now I was seriously confused. What the fuck was she doing? When she turned back round, she had a yellow piece of paper, clutching onto it like it was something dear to her. "You ready now?"
Wordlessly, we made our way to the Camaro. Firing the car up once we were both inside, I gunned the engine with a diabolical roar and sped away. After we had reached the bottom of the street, I peered over and saw that faraway look invade Sierra's eyes as she stared out of the window, thumb stroking the piece of paper. They were heavy from the weight on her shoulders. I wondered what was going through her mind as she caught glimpses of all the houses, dimmed lights shining through the windows. Did they live out lives similar to ours, or were they normal? But to us, this was normal. Fleeing from trouble was just part of the routine. What was normal to these families? Laughing over funny stories at dinnertime or having a plate thrown at them? You could never tell. There was never any sign. Just the white picket fence and flowerbeds. The suit and 9-5 job. It was all a bunch of bullshit. But that wasn't the most pressing issue at hand. They called all live their lives dressed in a suit, playing Scrabble before bedtime, whilst outside was their neighbor with blood oozing from her nose. I was going to stop somewhere and check out her nose.
"Can we pull over please?" Sierra whispered, eyes closed. Finding somewhere quiet, I did what she asked. The moment I wrenched the handbrake, I felt something soft against my fingers - the piece of paper. "This is going to sound so stupid" she chuckled a little to herself, a flash of a smile and then it was gone, stolen by the tears. "Can you read this out to me?"
Warily, I pinched it and unfolded it. It had been folded too many times than seemed possible. As if she had toyed with the idea of reading it, or as if the person who had written it had thought too many times as they held the pen. As soon as I had time to digest what it said, I let out a heavy sigh. It was from her Mom.
My darling girl, I want you to know I'm not abandoning you.
It's a girl.
He won't let me come near you.
He tells lies. Serious lies.
I'll do everything it takes to get you and Zack back.
My husband, Robert Wingrave. He's not like him.
44 Bloomingdale Avenue, Chicago.
Please, run.
"Sierra, are you sure you need this right now?" I questioned. There was a lot to take in here. We'd never really talked about her mom, but I knew she hadn't seen her for over a year now. Even if this letter was telling Sierra to run, her mom had never once made the attempt to save her. Because her Mom had no idea she was sat here in my car. But she knew where she lived and what happened in that house. "You still need cleaning up"
Pushing the paper down my jean pockets, I made it clear this wasn't happening for the time being. If Sierra wanted me to read this, I would. But not yet. Not whilst she still had the remnants of this abuse on her lips. Fumbling around the glove compartment, I produced a small plastic box. It was my own emergency supplies. I'd learned well enough by now that the safest place for me was in this car.
"Come here" I gently said, beckoning her to lean forwards and began blotting away at the dried blood with a wet wipe. Carefully, I felt her nose. "It's not broken, just your blood vessels have burst" I had a quick check of the rest of the damage. She was going to have some bruises on her face come the morning., namely her cheek. Had he gotten to her before the punch? Anger rose in me. I hadn't gotten there fast enough. "So, here's what the plan is going to be. We're going to go back to mine, empty house until tomorrow evening, and relax for the night. We can put on a movie and curl up with a drink" I paused, looking into her lowered eyes for a moment until she slowly nodded. "Tomorrow, we're going to call your grandparents and you're gonna go stay with them, okay?"
"They don't know" she breathed. Her voice was drone, energy wiped. "They don't know anything"
This only served to infuriate me. Her Mom knew everything and the best she could do was write a letter. Did her grandparents seriously think their son was this outstanding entrepreneur with a wholesome family life? No one ever questioned anything. No one would ever take the first step to say, 'I'm getting you out of here'. Repercussions were on their mind. But was it the repercussions for us or them?
"What would happen if they did know?"
An exasperated sigh flew out of her mouth before she could have time to process the question. Then again, how many times had she asked herself it? I grabbed my cigarette packet and proceeded to light one for her. For a moment, she let it dangle from her plump lips, before taking a generous drag, pondering the question once again.
"I don't know, Billy" Sierra took another drag and cradled her head in her hands, shaking her tresses around as if they were being gently blown in a breeze. "Honestly I just don't know" She paused again, droopily rising up again like a ragdoll before letting herself slacken in the chair, bringing her legs to her chest. I could tell she had done this too many times than she could count. A comfort, something to reign her back in from the anxiety. "What does the letter say?"
"Sierra - "
"Billy," she snapped. Those doe, green eyes were no longer ones I could gaze into longingly. They were screaming a command. A life or death matter. Considering what we had seen tonight, perhaps it was. "What does it say?"
I didn't want to read it to her now. It could be too much for her. Yet, she was determined for me to delve into the contents.
No one ever tells you what to do, Billy.
He was prowling around, just pacing in the darkness leisurely.
Are you going to let a girl tell you what to do, Billy?
Before I knew it, I was reading the cursive writing again. She had a way out of here.
But you don't. You never will.
Which is why I was going to help her. Usually, it was Him who would hiss out the taunts. Every now and then, it would be the twin. Sometimes both. But now, I was facing myself. The twin menacingly stared at me, driving holes into my heart. It wanted me to be envious that she had an escape. Did it want me to be stuck? I could make my own escape eventually. I had been planning to move back to California after graduating. Just work at some garage, make a living.
But will you, Billy?
I took one final look at Sierra before I would carry out her decree. She was waiting for me to say something.
I said, will you, Billy?
"It's got her address on it"
Sierra sunk further into the seat as she let out a forlorn exhale.
"Her address?"
"Yeah," I paused, watching as a teardrop trickled over her cheekbone. Before it could go any further, I wiped it away. To my surprise, her fingers curled around my thumb and gingerly pressed down. "Do you want me to take you there?"
"No" she quickly said. "No, she knows where I am. Why should I go to her?"
"She says something about your dad not letting her come near you" I read from the letter and passed it to her so she could see for herself.
"She knows what he's like. If you knew someone was in a position like that, you'd do anything to get them out of it. Especially your own kid" she scoffed, but it was immediately choked by the shudders of a cry yearning to come out.
A kid who wanted their mom.
Warm pressure strangulated my throat.
A kid who wanted their mom.
Clearing my throat, I vanquished whatever had taken a hold of me.
"Yup, it's bullshit" I took to continuing my work, making sure she was cleaned up. "Can't trust anyone"
"I trust you"
My heart jolted, not expecting her hear those words. I had never heard them before. Lingering over the dried blood on her lips, my fingers had a slight tremble. Hastily, I distracted them by lighting a cigarette. She had said it tentatively, as if she wasn't sure. Was she sure about trusting me? I wouldn't be. I came across as sure about myself, but in reality, I was a stranger. The mask couldn't be dropped. No matter how much I wanted to.
"You sure about that, Nightingale?" I chuckled and blew out a cloud of smoke. But all mirth I had tried to create was lost when my eyes fell upon her earnest gaze.
"Yeah, I'm sure" she replied.
You have to make her think differently, Billy.
"Sure you want to trust the bad boy of Hawkins?"
Fuck, why did I have to say that?
Because you know how this will end.
The twin finally got out of the mirror. Now it was directly opposite me.
Because everybody leaves you.
"I said, I was sure, Billy" She laced her fingers with mine. In the realm of my own mind, I could feel her. Dragging me away. The twin watched on, hopelessly. There was nothing it could do. "Because you got me out of there. No one else did"
Now it was just us and the silence. No foreboding voices. Just silence. But silence is always broken. This time, it was finally a voice I hadn't recognized for a long time. There was no pretense, no image to be maintained. It was me.
"I trust you too"