~Sierra~
Hawkins, Indiana.
December 21st 1984.
There's something rather sentimental the way steam tendrils off a freshly brewed cup of coffee. It's like an old friend keeping you warm in the midst of a chilly winter morning, reminding you about a bygone time until you're basking in the coziness of nostalgia. As I brought the cup to my lips, the steam coated my face. One second hot, next icy cold. You could say that's the thing about nostalgia. It lures you into this warmth before you remember the background noise. The peace before the drunken slurs, the sound of a harsh slap across the face. No matter how many times I tried to replace the memory with a new one, drinking a cup of coffee in the peace of morning will always remind me of sitting in the conservatory of my old house, surrounded by Mom's old plants, and hearing him bark out a slurred insult. The peace was only temporary. Just like now.
Temporary.
Staring out of my grandparents' kitchen window as I drank my morning coffee used to be a luxury. A getaway from the normal chaos. Now, it's a reality. A routine, you could call it. After the night from Hell back in November, Hopper and I had a very serious talk about the future. When I say a chat, I mean a negotiation. Hopper was ready to put his fists up and go all in with the battery charges. Christ, even I was to an extent. Everyone was on my side, ready to take Zack and I in with open arms. In the end, I chose against the battery charges. I chose to face him - one to one, by myself. He looked so helpless in that crammed little cell, so powerless. I held all the cards. Each and every one of them. So when he begged me not to press charges for the sake of his reputation, I merely said I'd consider it.
On one condition.
He'd get the fuck out of Hawkins.
Actually, make it two conditions.
Get the fuck out of Hawkins and never approach my little brother or myself ever again.
No Christmas cards, no phone calls.
Nothing. Sweet fuck all.
To my own astonishment, he gave it a total of zero seconds to consider it. I'd thrown out my line and he'd become instantly hooked. However, I may have agreed to drop the charges. What I didn't agree to was telling my grandparents about what he did to me. I'd been so reluctant to say anything initially, but after seeing him in that tiny cell and having him under my thumb like that, I realized something. I could do anything. I was this fierce woman who'd faced death in the form of a demonic creature, thrown my cheerleader costume in the face of Bryony Hamilton to defy his expectations and thrusted my knee in Tommy's balls. I was more empowered than ever before, so why not take it that little bit further? So, I told Nana and Grandpa over a pot of tea and cookies. I wasn't expecting them to react more than a reserved, 'Don't worry, dear. You can stay here with us'. But as soon as the confession rolled off my tongue, Nana started sobbing and Grandpa stood up to get his coat so he could, in his words, 'Pay that son of a bitch a visit'. The only thing that made me stop him was imagining the potential heart attack he'd have en-route. However, it's not in Grandpa's nature to give up so easily. No, he put his old beige trench coat back, grabbed himself two glasses of whiskey - one for me, one for him - cleared his throat, and picked up the telephone. After a rather heated monologue, Grandpa demanded he relinquish all custody rights and hand them over. The next day, Billy, Steve. Pespi, Max and I were packing up mine and Zack's bedrooms. Pepsi was mainly on babysitting duty. After all, Zack had found a new interest in helping Pepsi with her lines for the schools latest production of Grease. He made a fantastic Kenicke. Of course, Pepsi got the role of Rizzo. Once we were all packed up, Billy and Steve drove down our stuff in their respective cars and we started the process of unpacking our lives into our new one. Zack really couldn't comprehend why we were moving, so we turned it into a bit of a game. A long, long vacation we'd told him. Nana had managed to get an apron on Zack and shooed him into the kitchen with her. By the time the glazed ham, mashed potatoes and greens were on the table, Zack had all but forgotten about this 'long, long vacation'. He was just ridiculously excited to be surrounded by people who had his best interests at heart. He enjoyed the laughter when Billy and Grandpa shared a subtly inappropriate joke, the rendition of There Are Worse Things I Could Do and leading the standing ovation around the table. After dinner, he was so distracted by showing Max his dinosaur figurine collection which she helped him to organize. Max, the sassy sweetheart as I liked to call her, kept him busy with that for a good hour until he decided to go to bed. Even with the hubbub downstairs as Grandpa got a little carried away at showing the boys his vintage bourbons, much to Steve and Billy's delight when he would chortle out a, "Go on, boys, give it a go!" Zack slept soundly. I know his blissful ignorance won't last forever. One day it'll dawn on him that this is our home now and we won't be going back to his place of stability. I'll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, Zack's world is stable. That's all I can ask for.
Dad stayed away. Even if he were to go against my advice, which I anticipate he will, then I have my proof. After all, I was wearing a wire when I got him to say out loud and proud that he'd laid a hand on me on more than one occasion. Hopper was surprised to hear the idea, but was fully on board. Hopper recorded a full confession and apology. If he so much as breathes in the wrong direction, I have that cassette stored away. All it needs to do is 'accidentally end up with Nancy's reporter friend' and it's game over for him. Besides, even if I didn't have the tape, it wouldn't erase the fact that he'd woken up the morning he'd hunted me down at the table, alcohol levels already sky rocket high before he started on the next bottle of whiskey and drove around Hawkins knocking on the Wheelers, Sinclairs and Pepsi's door demanding I come out before he eventually got to Steve's. Drunk driving, harassing innocent neighbors and threatening to sue and ruining their lives if they didn't divulge my location was the new low for him. He'd kept everything so under wraps, but the moment Billy's fist knocked him into oblivion, he'd come undone. Everything fell apart - the pretense, his control, everything. He's somewhere in Chicago running his business. Probably doing exactly what he was doing before - drinking, sleeping, nearly choking on his own vomit, waking up, rinse and repeat. Let him, I say. Any fear I'd had converted to rage and it was bubbling at the surface. Sometimes sadness does come into play, but the anger rears its prominent head throughout any crying episode.
Billy was my main source of support. Any time I'd call him, regardless of the time, and he'd sense even the remotest bit of sadness, he was over in a flash. Oddly enough, my usually conservative grandparents had no qualms with him staying over the night. As Grandpa aptly put it, "Nana's mom had no idea I was staying over after our late night dates and that's how we ended up with your Uncle James. As long as you say you're sleeping on her floor, we'll leave it at that". So, Billy was here maybe 3 or 4 nights a week at this point. It was a really lovely set up we had here. Billy and I would make breakfast for Zack and my grandparents together, Billy would drive Zack to school and we'd meet Max en-route. Neil still had no inkling as to where Billy was staying on those nights. I'd asked him whether his dad knew about us and Billy would shrug it off and mumble, "Not his business" before steering the conversation in the complete opposite direction. Some weeks he wouldn't come over at all and I wouldn't see him at school, and then he'd show up with the shadow of a bruise on his face or a busted lip. Billy never openly admitted he was beaten up by his dad, but I knew. He'd try to cover it up as some fight he'd gotten into, but I knew better than that. Pushing him to tell me what secrets were hidden behind the walls of his house was a futile option so I'd never attempted it. I merely nodded and let my eyes do the talking. Whilst Billy had let the mask down last month, any talk of his dad and the mask was plastered to his face again. Then it would be back to hanging out with Tommy and Ray after basketball practice. Sure, he hung out with Steve, Pepsi and I quite a lot but it was like there was a part of him that couldn't give up the game. We'd all go to parties together, but whilst Steve, Pepsi and I would stand chatting and having a dance, Billy would flitter between the keg stand and roaring crowds of his loyal followers to joining us in our little isolated circle. He was still the same old charming, brazen Californian to Hawkins High. But to Steve and I, he was someone who'd seen what should have remained unseen. The amount of talks we had sharing a smoke together in Steve's backyard around a fire about the Upside Down was insane. We were still processing it together, but at least we were actually talking it out instead of keeping it to ourselves.
Speaking of Billy, I still had his coffee on the side. I'd gotten up a good 20 minutes before the alarm was due to go off and left him cozy in bed under the thick duvet. One thing I'd learned was Billy Hargrove really wasn't a morning person. Unsurprisingly so, too. Every night he stayed over, he'd toss and turn like an aggravated worm. Hell, one night he'd kicked me out of the bed in his sleep! Imagine the look on my face when I woke up on the fucking floor! So, when I came into the room - shit, my new bedroom, I should say - hearing the alarm blast out and seeing Billy with the covers over his head was 100% expected. I chuckled a little to myself and perched on the edge of the bed, giving him a little push. All I heard was a grunt in response from beneath his fortress of the duvet and blankets.
"Billyyyyy!" I sang playfully, shaking him a little. "I have coffeeeee!"
Ha, knew that would work. Billy's startling blue eyes peeked up, heavy and half-closed, from under the duvet. He grunted again and I made a similar noise, raising my eyebrows at him and swirling the black coffee around in the cup.
"Come on, Hargroveeee!" I giggled and tempted him a little further by wafting the steam in his direction.
"Do I have to?" He finally murmured.
"If you wanna survive the day, then I highly recommend starting it with coffee. You know what you're like without one" He grabbed the coffee and took a sip, smirking at me as he put it on the bedside table.
"Oh yeah, and what's that?" he gruffly chuckled.
"A grumpy bastard" I smirked back at him, releasing a small scream as he dragged me on top of him, keeping a strong arm anchored around my waist as he pulled the blankets over us. "Ugh, you're such a bed hog!"
"Whatever, Nightingale" he grumbled, slipping his eyes to a close and kissing my head. "Five more minutes"
"Billyyyyy…" I sang again in a whisper, trying to stifle my laughter.
"Sorry, can't hear you. I'm sleeping" he whispered back, poker face perfected.
"Billyyyyyy!" I sang a little louder and pulled the blankets off.
"Nope" he mumbled, throwing them back over us. Of course, with a giggle I threw them right back off. Jesus Christ, he was worse than getting Zack up in the morning. But he was pretty funny.
I stayed silent for a moment, pretending to lay back down as he let out a contented purr. However, I had other plans. Gentle kisses trailed up his neck to his ear where I took a deep inhale, ready to enact the plan to get Hargrove up and out of bed.
"Don't even go there, Nightingale"
"Billy" I whispered, pressing my lips together in a shit-eating grin.
"For a second there I thought you were gonna - "
"Billyyyyyyy!" I sang out in my most impressive, annoying voice. Cackles fled out of my mouth with ease as grumbles rumbled in Billy's throat. I sat on top of his thighs, tangling my fingers with his and jutted out my lower lip, puppy eyes on full display as he glowered at me. "Pretty please?"
"Hmm" Billy grunted and shot up, his nose brushing against mine. "But you're getting a load of morning breath" I'd already held my breath as Billy took a swig of the black coffee and dramatically exhaled all over my face. "You gotta breathe at some point, Princess"
"Nope!" Holding all my breath was making my face tomato red. The problem with us smokers was that morning breath, especially when mixed with coffee, was not a fun time. I'd cut down since moving here but Billy could still go through half a pack of Marlboro Reds by dinner.
"I wonder what I can do to help" he chuckled and began mercilessly tickling me. As he found my weak spot, I let out a screech and desperately tried to wriggle out of his hold, cackling like something chronic. The moment I let out a heavy exhale, Billy was kissing my face and blowing air straight into my nostrils.
"You're so fucking rancid, Hargrove!" I laughed, playfully flicking his nose. "Beautiful, but you need mouthwash"
"Says the one who needs a colon cleanse" Billy laughed, his lopsided smile fixed on his lips. "I'm never sleeping next to you again after you've had a whole baked brie to yourself"
"Ugh, it's not my fault cheese hates me!" I groaned, using my hands to cover the insanely bright blush flooding my face. Billy laced his fingers with mine, swaying me side to side.
"Fine, I'll get up. But only because you moving like this is giving me a raging boner" he chuckled and let go of my hands.
"Just think of the baked brie" I chuckled and winked at him. Billy threw his head back and released a hearty laugh. This was how mornings with him were - laughter, jokes and just plain wonderful. They were perfect.
"Fuck, Nightingale, I'll never look at your ass the same way again" he chuckled as I turned around and started unchanging.
"You may want to have a word with your eyes in that case then, Hargrove" I jokingly chided, smirking at him as I swiveled round to see his eyes gazing longingly at me. I quickly looked at the time on the alarm clock and felt the corners of my mouth turn upwards into a teasing smile as I bit on my lower lip. "Or, you can tell them to forget about the brie?"
"Already forgotten" Billy laughed and hauled me back under the covers.
Just us and our silent giggles. The way it was meant to be.
I got up with a smirk, watching as Billy grabbed his overnight bag and threw on his light gray gym sweatshirt. One more swig of coffee and he was up, and pressed his lips tenderly against mine. No matter how much of a pain in my ass he was in the morning, I really did love getting him up in the mornings. Mainly because it meant he was here. We quickly got changed - Billy into his jeans and sneakers, myself into an old black sweater with rips at the sleeves, gray acid wash jeans and Doc Martens. As I untucked the necklace Billy gave me, I saw Billy softly smiling in the corner of my eye. Billy, the ever surprising gentleman, made the bed and gathered the discarded coffee mugs to carry down.
"Looking good, Nightingale" he complimented, a sincerity radiating from his eyes.
"As do you, Hargrove" I giggled and followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen where an animated Zack, still in his yellow, fleecy pyjamas, popped out from behind the breakfast bar and darted over to hug my legs. "Someone's had their orange juice this morning!"
"I think I see some Waffelos too" Billy chuckled and gave Zack's messy curls a ruffle. "How'd you sleep, little man?"
"Super good. I had a dream about having a T-rex as a pet and I called it Fluffy!" Zack exclaimed, his smile brighter than the stars above him as he slept comfortably last night.
"Fluffy the T-Rex, huh?" Nana giggled as she waltzed into the kitchen with a tray of the cupcakes she and Zack baked last night. "Wow, where would we put Fluffy, Zack?"
"We could build a treehouse for him" Zack shrugged, saying this with such smoothness as if it was an inevitability. Somehow, I didn't think Fluffy the T-Rex was going to fit, but whatever floated the kid's boat. "Ooh, Billy, is Max coming today? Me and Nana made cupcakes for my class because its the last day of school and I want her to have one"
Dear God, if my heart could explode it totally would. It was official - I had the cutest, sweetest, most fucking adorable little brother of all time. Job well done, Sierra. There was a lot in life I was unsure of - whether Dad would come back, whether I could find Mom, if I'd ever get out of Hawkins. But there was one thing I was certain of - I was a damn good sister. I would have given myself a pat on the back, but as if he'd read my mind, Billy gave it a tender rub for me. Even Nana was beaming with pride.
"She's walking in with Lucas today, but I'm sure you'll see her when we get Sierra for the Snow Ball tonight" Billy chuckled and went to help Nana pack them up into boxes of tupperware.
"Not before you've eaten, Billy!" Nana gently admonished and wagged a finger at him. Billy smirked and put his hands up in surrender, backing away to sit down at the breakfast bar where Nana lovingly poured him some orange juice.
"You get me everytime, Mrs Nightingale" Billy joked and took a sip of the drink. The old charm hadn't completely gone and it really worked on Nana. She found him utterly mesmerizing and for someone who pursed her lips at the very concept of a man sharing a single woman's bed, she didn't half blush shamelessly whenever he would crack a joke.
"Now, I've made your lunches for today, kids. Ham and cheese sandwiches, packet of chips, one of the cupcakes Zack and I made, and some apples I picked this morning from the tree. Is that alright?" Nana sweetly asked.
Anyone else would've found this endearing act wonderful, and it was. But there was a tinge of irritation striking my veins whenever Nana made us lunch for school. At first it was a nice change, a treat almost. But she started doing it on a regular basis and it felt like someone was ripping the independence I'd relied on straight from my clutches. I wasn't sure if I'd get used to it, whether she'd take offense if I mentioned anything. What made it worse was I wasn't sure if she was doing it out of grandmotherly love or because she was riddled with guilt over what her son did to me. So instead of confronting her or putting my foot down, I simply stood there and took it.
"Thanks, Nana" I said and sat beside Billy who squeezed my knee. Our silent little messages of comfort to one another hadn't stopped. Whenever one of us felt intimidated or uncomfortable, we'd give one another a subtle squeeze of the hand or knee, a way to bring each other out of the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. It worked pretty much every time. This time in particular, I felt my tense back slacken into the chair and the smile I'd been pinning on my lips begin to relax.
We chatted over breakfast before saying our goodbyes, gathering up our stuff and heading out to Billy's car to drop Zack off. On these regular car journeys, Zack had managed to learn all the words to Rock You Like a Hurricane. Although for the first few times he'd definitely misheard the lyrics as, "Here I am, walking like a hurricane", before giving his best hurricane impression by shaking his head vigorously to the guitar. Billy nearly had to pull the car over the first time he did it because he was about to piss himself from laughing so hard. After the whole Upside-Down showdown, I had a talk with Billy about Zack. Nothing other than my own anxieties prompted the build up to it, but I had to lay down the law. Zack was part of the package, end of story. My ex thought it was pretty weird how my little brother joined me in coming to most places and I was starting to get freaked out that Billy would reject whatever relationship we'd form like he did. Thankfully, particularly after witnessing what I had to deal with at home, Billy understood and reassured me. Besides, now I was living at Nana and Grandpa's, perhaps I would actually get time to relish the last year of being a teenager. We'd see. I was used to helping Zack with every aspect of his life and he also was finding it hard to adjust with certain areas of our new life. The kid was observant enough to notice when Nana was helping him get ready for bed and without fail, I ended up reading him a bedtime story because he'd specifically asked for me. Initially, Nana felt a little downhearted about it until reassured her that I'd been doing it every night since Mom left. I understood why this seeming act of rejection had gotten to her, but she had to remember something: I was essentially Zack's only parent. He knew I was his sister and I was never actively called Mom, but if there was ever a moment of trouble or upset, Zack only ran to one person to soothe him, and that person was me. I didn't think this would ever change. The kid and I had an unbreakable bond based on the one stable, trustworthy fact he had: I was the only person who had never left him. People often forgot Zack was a lot more perceptive than he let on. Sure, the kid may look like he's engrossed with his figurine dinosaurs, but I can guarantee those bright green eyes of his are watching every little move around him. There was a reason behind why every time the phone rang he gathered all his toys or books and ran upstairs. During the first few months after Mom left, whenever the phone rang I would leap up and seize it in the hopes Mom was calling. After a few times, Zack started to run upstairs. The kid didn't want to be let down again, so scared of being abandoned one more time. So, as usual, when we pulled up to his school, I took his little hand in mine and walked him up to the school doors, gave him a hug and pinkie-promised I would see him that night for dinner. He tugged so hard on my pinkie when it was time to let go and by the way his small bottom lip wobbled ever so slightly, I knew he was thinking the same thing every time: Please be telling the truth. After a kiss on his forehead, he'd finally believe me and scamper off down the corridors to his classroom.
The first time he did it after Dad moved away, I ran back to the Camaro and asked Billy with tears streaming down my face to drive around the corner where I wept into his shoulder and bemoaned about how regretful I felt about being the reason why he no longer, physically anyway, had Dad around. It didn't matter what Dad had done to me, whether he was a good father or not, the way Zack's eyes drowned in tears as I said goodbye was overwhelmingly tragic. No kid should have to go to their classroom frightened that the sole person they rely on isn't going to turn up. It was heartbreaking. I was going to prove the kid wrong. I wasn't going to be Mom or Dad. No, I was going to be someone a hell of a lot more important: his big sister.
A few Def Leppard songs and a makeout session later, Billy pulled up to the parking spot where we first met. We did actually get our English project done and managed to secure ourselves A+. Billy was so stunned that I got it framed for him and crowned him an official nerd. In my head, I thought Billy was going to make some sarcastic remark and laugh it off, but he was genuinely moved by it. Moved enough to still have it in his bedroom. Whenever Neil and Susan go out for the night, which has been maybe three times since we started dating, I come over and quickly make my way out of the window in the morning, go for a coffee at the diner and wait for Billy to pick me up. It was an odd set up, but I understood why Billy didn't want his dad to know about us. After all, Neil worked for my Dad and any information, no matter how seemingly insignificant, was enough to make him feel included in my life.
Billy passed me my tote bag as he closed the car door behind him and entwined his fingers with mine as we made our descent down the steep hill. As per, Tommy, Bryony, Carol and Ray were watching like they had nothing else to do with their shitty little lives. Billy merely acknowledged them when he was with me, but I knew he went over to Tommy's to smoke up after basketball practice. At the end of the day, Billy had the capacity to make a choice and if he chose to be friends with dicks like Tommy and Ray, then that was his decision. But it was also mine to never get involved with those assholes again. Even more so after the vulgar comments they spread about Barb just after we had a funeral for her. The remarks were bad enough for Steve to confront Tommy and end up in detention for knocking his lights out in the middle of lunch. His parents virtually disinherited him for it, but Steve really did not give two shits. On one hand, it was because he'd defended someone who couldn't defend themselves. On the other, it was because it was the sole thing that got him and Nancy talking again. Jonathan and Nancy were officially an item which was great, but whenever we all hung out together, the atmosphere was so different to what we'd all had when she and Steve were together. When it was Steve and Nance, it was electric - constant banter, endless laughter. It wasn't like I couldn't have a laugh with Jonathan, but he was just so different to Steve. I'd get used to it, but secretly I did miss being able to hang out with the both of them.
"Harrington, where's your car, man?" Billy shouted across the field. Speak of the devil! I waved at Steve who jogged casually over to meet us.
"Morning, lovebirds" Steve joked and patted Billy on the back before giving me a side hug. "The goddamn alternator's gone and my dad won't cover the costs. He's still pissed that I socked Tommy last month"
"Screw your dad. I can fix it" Billy said, much to Steve's grateful surprise.
He would fix it as well. Turns out, Billy was incredibly talented when it came to cars as I found out when the battery in mine died. After a few jumpstarts, Billy drove us over to the mechanics and told the mechanic to fuck off when he gave me an extortinate quote install the new battery. After I'd told the guy not to bullshit me because I was a woman, Billy's precise words were, "I really don't like it when guys think they can mess with my girl. So, you're giving me this battery for half price and I'll install it my goddamn self". He said it with such steely determination that the guy actually did and installed it right there and then. Safe to say, my car works perfectly now. Hell, the mechanic even offered Billy a job after we graduated because he was so impressed. Even though I told Billy to potentially consider it, he snorted and said he wasn't working for an asshole. End of conversation. To be fair to Billy, I respected his honesty.
"You sure?" Steve asked, taken aback by this offer. Billy nodded and grunted in response, lighting up a cigarette. "Oh, wow. Thanks, man. How much do you want?"
"Your entire house for a party, Harrington" Billy dryly remarked, blowing the billow of smoke away from us. Steve sucked in his lips in an attempt not to laugh, looking at me as if to say, 'I can't tell if he's being serious'. "I'm fucking with you, man. A couple of beers will do me just fine"
"Alright, Keg King" Steve laughed and we walked into the hordes of tinsel-swathed, ugly Christmas sweater wearing teenagers.
"Fuck me, I can taste the holly jolly spirit of Christmas from here" Billy muttered blandly, staring at everyone through those heavy-lidded eyes. "Sure we can't skip today?"
"Don't tempt me with a good time, Hargrove" I murmured back in disdain. Before we could even make another sardonic comment about how devoid this place was of originality, Pepsi turned up in all her Santa's Helper and twinkle light splendor to prove us wrong. "Damn, Peps, you've really gone all out this year!"
"Of course! I'm the star of the winter show, so I have to go all out!" Pepsi declared and did a little spin, trying to put the Christmas lights over me until I outwardly groaned and stuffed them in my bag.
Call me a humbug all you want, but like Billy, I wasn't overly fond of Christmas for equal reasons. I put in the effort for Zack, but other than that, I was happy to sit there in front of the fireplace with an eggnog and pretend it wasn't the time to play happy families. In fact, this was the first year Dad wouldn't throw his annual Christmas party at the town hall. Everyone used to go along and praise him for letting the town indulge in luxuries they may not have on Christmas Day. Of course, he lapped it up and then would leave Zack and I, and Mom when she was there, to have Christmas by ourselves. Lord knows where he went, but I couldn't remember the last time he spent the holidays with us. But when I saw Pepsi, even I couldn't help but let the shit-eating grin break out.
"Hey, it's not so bad?" Steve snapped me out from the memory of me opening presents with Mom, and it soon became a blur when he took off his coat, revealing a reindeer patterned sweater. It took literally no time before Billy busted out cackling wildly. "Yeah, yeah, get it out of your system, Hargrove" he conceded and rolled his eyes. "Because I got you one too"
If someone had told me when I first met Billy that he had the ability to keep his mouth shut, I wouldn't have ever believed it would be Steve Harrington behind it. Billy froze and had his glare unwaveringly set on Steve. My eyes widened and giggles started trickling out of my mouth. Steve had only gone and produced an identical sweater from his bag.
"No" Billy snapped and turned around, but Steve and Pepsi snagged him back. "No fucking way, Harrington"
"I don't know, Billy, I think reindeers would really suit you!" I laughed and earned myself a blush from Billy. Jesus, and he thought I was easy to play with.
"Oh, don't get so cocky, Sierra. You see, Harrington isn't the only one who brought a spare sweater…" Once again my eyes widened as Pepsi proudly displayed a sweater with 'Let It Snow' written in capitals and little, creepy snowflakes smiling with Santa hats on. "You know you want to conform so badly, you two!"
"No fucking way is Mrs Simpson coming in with Snuggles in a Christmas sweater…" Billy murmured, pointing off into the distance. I had literally no idea where he was talking about until Billy literally grabbed my hand and we ran down the corridor together laughing our asses off.
"Get back here, Hargrove!" Steve yelled as he and Pepsi raced after us. A sudden yelp caused Billy and I twisted around, seeing Steve desperately trying to wrangle himself free of Pepsi's Christmas lights that had somehow found their way tangled around his legs. "Jesus, Pepsi, how long is this goddamn thing?"
Bless Pepsi's enthusiastic soul, she really did love making impractical costume decisions, but even she ended up on the floor not being able to breathe from all the laughter. We started walking over to help Steve, stifling our own chuckles at his misfortune.
"Oh shit, he's up!" I shrieked and let the fumes of mine and Billy's laughter combined lead us into the toilets by the gymnasium. Panting, we ended up crammed against one another in a cubicle. I covered my mouth, the stream of giggles striving so badly to evade Pepsi and Steve's plans for us to become model Hawkins students. "Mrs Simpson's cat? Really, Hargrove?"
"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" Billy whispered. He was grinning away to himself from all the mischief he'd conjured. Honestly, his smile made me melt a little inside. "I know how to play you Hawkins lot"
"Hmm, I think that's because you're turning into one of us Hawkins lot, Hargrove" I whispered playfully as I twirled one of his blonde curls around my finger.
"That's wrong on so many levels, Nightingale" Billy chuckled. His breath, smoky from the last cigarette, warmly expanded on the back of my hand as he brushed his lips against my cold skin.
"Nope, I'm pretty sure I'm right on this occasion" I arched my brow jokingly, my self-righteous gaze penetrating his.
"You're not" Billy huskily replied, leaning in further.
"I totally am" I whispered back.
"Totally are not, Princess" he breathed and before I knew it, our smiles entwined in a tender kiss.
Since everything happened, Billy couldn't keep his hands off me. If we were casually walking into school, he'd lace his fingers with mine and hold on tightly. In the car, we could be talking about the most random of things and he'd lean over and place his hand on my thigh or lean over a brush a stray curl out of my face and tuck it behind my ear. Spontaneously in the grocery store or at a party, he'd kiss my cheek. The way it made my insides flutter was addictive and whenever he'd leave, I felt myself craving more. However, I would show my affection in other ways. I remembered the talk we had in Steve's spare bedroom and the first thing I baked him when he came over to my grandparents - goddamn, I did it again, my house - was an apple pie. Well, the moment Billy found out I actually was pretty good at baking, I simultaneously found out Billy Hargrove was always hungry. So, anytime Billy was coming over on a weekend, he'd be greeted by the smell of freshly baked goods and a pair of oven mitts. There were other ways, of course. He usually fell asleep with his head resting on my chest and fingers hypnotically drawing circles underneath his curls and woke up with a coffee and kiss. We hadn't said the L-word to one another, but I knew I liked him beyond a great confidante.
"God, you two really can't go for one second without sucking each other's faces off, can you?" We were both brought out of our affectionate moment by Pepsi's long sigh. In sync, we turned to find Pepsi and Steve smirking outside the bathroom cubicle, Christmas sweaters ready to be flung over us if necessary. "Steve, could you do the honors?"
"Fuck" Billy aptly concluded and thrust a finger into Steve's chest. "I'm not doing the fucking Farrah Fawcett hair though, Harrington"
And that, everyone, was how Billy Hargrove and I ended up celebrating Christmas dressed in all our ugly Christmas sweater glory… and how Steve finally got his hands on Billy's hair.
~Billy~
Hawkins, Indiana.
December 21st 1984.
I swore to God if Max cracked one more sarcastic Christmas joke at my expense, I was going to mush the chocolate cupcake she was eating right in her face. Harrington had managed to coax me into wearing this stupid fucking reindeer sweater and I was insane enough to smile at it. Sierra was right. I was losing my cool, Californian edge in this town. Worst part was I actually didn't care. The whole thing was pretty funny and was worth seeing Harrington fall onto his ass. I drew the line at Pepsi's twinkle lights though. Hell no, fuck no. I wasn't reaching the pinnacle of lame and tacky today. I had an image to maintain. And you can bet your sweet ass that's what I was thinking until Steve brought the camera out. Even more, so you can bet your ass that's what I was thinking until Harrington pressed a button and suddenly a 'Ho, ho, ho!' appeared out of thin fucking air. Turns out he and Pepsi had been colluding this entire goddamn time. When I got to the Camaro to pick Max and Lucas up, they all but pissed their pants laughing. Of course, Sierra just had to show Max how the sweater imitated Santa.
"Seriously, Billy, I can't tell if that sweater is hurting my eyes or ears" Max breathlessly laughed, falling over Lucas. "Shit, this is literally the best Christmas present you could have gotten me"
"This really is one for the photo album, Hargrove" Lucas had a hold of the Polaroid Pepsi had snapped the moment Harrington got the Santa voice working. In the photo standing right next to me with my deadpan, dreaded face was Harrington with a bright, toothy grin and two thumbs up at the camera.
"Jesus, just look at your face!" Max cackled, snatching the photo from Lucas.
The more I scowled, the more I realized the shitbird had a real sick sense of humor. But even the cool facade had to crack a smile. I'd definitely get my own back on Harrington, but for the now, this was a pretty good attempt on his part. Of course, I would win. But I'd let the holiday spirit make him forget about this. I smirked to myself as various plots manifested in my head. The guy wouldn't know what'd hit him. Not literally, I was only fooling around. To be honest, having this sort of friendship based on pranks was pretty nice. Harrington was alright, but I was still going to get my own back.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh your asses off" I mumbled and turned up the Motley Crue song playing on the stereo.
"I bet you won't have the balls to wear it to the Snow Ball" Max jokingly taunted.
Ah fuck, I'd completely forgotten about the middle schoolers stupid ball. Sierra had managed to convince me to help her, Nancy and Jonathan out tonight because the numbers of volunteers were low. When I say 'managed to convince me', I mean she asked me when she was getting undressed and I fell hook, line and sinker in a lusty daze. If you'd told me two months ago I'd be serving punch to a bunch of middle school pricks at their prissy ass dance, I'd probably have told you to piss off and thrown you in the nearest bush. Sierra was going to be there so it wouldn't be the worst night of my life, but even still, Jesus wept… I was what the guys back in California would consider pussy-whipped. Sierra had even said, "Don't worry if you don't want to, I don't mind" and I still said yes. Because no matter how much I was making it out to be a complete lame-fest, I was looking forward to spending time with her. Nancy, I didn't mind her but I was still a little put off by Jonathan. Either way, I'd somehow ended up hanging out with him on a couple of occasions when I'd stop by Eddie Munson's trailer to get a bag of weed. I'd turn up to test this new strain Eddie was wanting to sell, find skulking around the place and next thing you know the three of us are blazed and headbanging to Eddie's band, Corroded Coffin. I never hung out with him in school. No, Munson was the type of guy I was meant to terrorize. Instead I left him alone to gallivant around the school cafeteria with his rants on forced conformity. Despite giving him an eyeroll for his flamboyant display, I did secretly agree with Sierra that the guy was mildly amusing. As for Byers, well, I wasn't overly bothered about him. I could take him or leave him. Although I really found myself not being able to look at him without seeing his kid brother, and whenever I saw the kid, all I could see were those pitch black eyes, void of anything, staring back at me. On more than one occasion it sent an involuntary shiver down my spine, so I'd smoke some more before getting back to the house.
"You're damn right I'm not wearing it at the Snow Ball because I'm not a fucking nerd" Nope, I was turning up in my usual gear - unbuttoned shirt, leather jacket, boots and jeans. Nothing more, maybe something less if Sierra got bored and fancied heading back to the car. "Anyway, Sinclair, I'll see you tonight"
"See you tonight, Hargrove" Lucas chuckled and before he left, managed to press that fucking button to make the Santa sweater come alive.
"God-fucking-damnit, Sinclair" I murmured under my breath and slammed on the accelerator, leaving the kid and all his belly laughs in the mist of gas.
Max and I chatted a little about our days, mostly nodding our heads along to the rest of the Def Leppard cassette Sierra and I had been listening to this morning. Since the whole showdown with demodogs and finding a secret underworld, Max and I had mostly gotten along. Things had changed with us two. The first fight I had with Him was over how I'd not gotten in contact to say Max was 'sick' at the sleepover. Turns out Linda, the hot mom who'd tried to seduce me into her house, had made a phone call to them asking how Max was and He was absolutely beside himself. Who was I to call the shots, why did I not consult Him first? Probably because, Dickhead, you were out of the fucking town. But nope, nothing could please Him and I ended up with a busted lip. When I went upstairs, I remembered what Max had said to me in the car when the mask made its final curtain call.
"Why do you think I still stand by my door after he hits you, Billy?"
Lo and behold, the kid was there peeking from behind the door. That time He hit me, I smiled and nodded at her before going into my bedroom where I did the usual thing - light up a cigarette, blast the rock music and hope He'll leave me alone. The second time He belted me across the face when I got back late from Sierra's without letting Him know, there she was again. Behind the door, blue eyes shining with concern through the darkness. For the first time, I went in and we sat listening to one of my cassettes in silence. The third time, I did the same thing and when the cassette finished, Max's eyes poked out from the book she was reading and asked, "Are you okay, Billy?".
Truthfully, I wasn't but for one second, it was nice to know she had my back. I nodded and wordlessly went back to my bedroom. Max and Sierra got along pretty well so Max often joined us whenever we were together. Turns out Max also made a decent babysitter and liked drawing with Zack which gave Sierra and I some time to chill out watching a movie together. So, I didn't really mind too much when it came to dropping the shitbird off at the Snow Ball tonight. As we pulled up to the house, I saw His car over the white line of my parking space. The absolute Fucker. He'd have me pinned to a wall if I'd done that. Letting out a heavy sigh, Max and I went into the house where we were welcomed by the smell of mince pies and His stare. Immediately, His eyes flickered to the clock. 3:30pm. Bang on time so He had no reason to complain. He threw me a knowing look before leisurely resuming with His newspaper, humming away to Himself.
"Good day at school?" Of course, He wasn't asking me. He was asking Max. But if I didn't reply and made Him look like the asshole He was, then I'd be the one in trouble.
"Yup" Max and I replied in unison, taking our shoes off and placing our bags on the hooks.
"Oh, I'm so excited to do your hair tonight, Max!" Susan squealed as she emerged from the kitchen, a pink polka dot pinafore on with matching oven gloves. "Are you going to wear the dress Neil got for you?"
"Yeah, sure" Max said, trying to hide her dry begrudging views.
"You'll look great, Maxine" He said, not lifting His eyes from whatever dull story printed on the page. "You're still dropping Maxine off, Billy?"
"Yeah" It was all I needed to say. He'd get the answer He was hoping to hear and we could leave it at that. There was no need to pour over details.
So, afterwards I headed upstairs and changed into the outfit I wanted to be in and watched as Susan fawned over Max's hair. I stopped in the doorway, exchanging an eye roll with Max, before going downstairs where He and I waited in silence, sipping on a root beer, for Max and Susan to come downstairs. Susan had what she called the 'events' camera and started taking enthused photos of Max in her pink, frilly dress and Him. When Susan asked me to be in one, I was taken aback, as was He. We stood for one photo and flashed the most genuine smiles they'd seen that evening before He deemed there to be enough for the photo album. Fuck, the Bastard really hated me. But why? Don't get me wrong, the question had momentarily fled across my mind before, but now I was really starting to question just why He had so much hatred for me. Did I remind Him of Mom too much? Did I have too much of her fiery spirit? Was I really so despicable? Either way, a seed had been planted and it was growing out of control.
Max and I jumped into the Camaro, Susan dutifully waving us off, and made our way over to Lucas' house. The moment we got there, Max leapt out of the car and within five minutes came out of the house in the red jeans and striped jumper I'd kept hidden in the backseat. Max turning up to a lame-ass ball in a pink frilly dress? Don't even try to kid yourselves. It was never going to happen and damn right it wasn't. If Max was going to a ball, she was going to be going as herself. Not who her mother wanted her to be or the rest of society, she was going as she was. Lucas came out looking like the perfect gentleman - suit on, tie straightened and a bouquet of white flowers in his hand. I raised a brow at the kid who swallowed hard and looked like the tie was strangling him all of a sudden.
"Um, my dad told me it would be a nice thing to do" Lucas stammered, handing the flowers to Max.
"Thanks, Lucas. They're nice" Holy shit, was Max blushing? Oh God it was making me feel nauseous. I sunk a little in my seat, hoping one of them would order me to drive on already.
"I mean, I can always put them back somewhere like in my garden, or - "
"Just take the goddamn compliment, kid" I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. Jesus, I really needed to teach this kid how to be smooth. Max flashed me that 'Be nice!' warning she'd thrown me a few times whenever I'd picked Lucas up and come out with something blunt. God I was really living up to my protective big brother reputation here.
"Yeah, yeah of course, you're welcome. I'm glad you like them" Lucas replied, grinning away at Max who shyly smiled back.
"You remember that time Henderson puked in the back of my car?" I droned, genuinely ready to blow chunks at any moment if they kept up this cutesy act.
"Oh my God, Billy!" Max snapped and let out a loud groan as she fell into the back of the seat. "Just drive!"
"Thank God, I thought I was going to have to watch you two give each other goo-goo eyes all night" I blandly remarked behind a smirk and drove off. Ever the sarcastic asshole, but it was just funny to see Max go tomato red.
By the time we reached Sierra's house, Lucas and Max were chatting each other's ears off about their little fantasy game. I had little idea of what they were talking about, but I did know some bits from whatever Munson managed to get out before I told him to stop chatting shit and just give me my weed. I didn't even need to get out of the car as by the time I'd pulled up, I could see Sierra's silhouette in the doorway light.
Jesus Christ, she was beautiful.
As she emerged from the house in a forest green bardot dress, dark loose curls tucked behind her ears where two diamond earrings glinted in the moonlight, I physically felt my pupils dilate. I never thought in my life I would meet a girl like her. She took me as I was in all my gruff, crude and brazen glory, but made me want to be a good person. She knew about Him, knew about Mom and never once pitied me. Instead, she listened to whatever I needed to say and empathized. Not once had I known the luxury of this particular kindness, yet here she was. I'd known for a while that I was feeling more than just lust for Sierra. I'd never told her that. The barbed wire around my heart wasn't frail enough yet. Part of me guessed she already knew. We didn't have to say we belonged to one another. Everything we did, from giving our hands a reassuring squeeze to having sex, said more than words ever could.
"And you were talking to me about goo-goo eyes, Hargrove?" Lucas snickered and I blinked, clearing my throat. Shit, I really wasn't going to hear the end of this from those two.
"Shut up, Sinclair" I grumbled and got out of the car to greet Sierra, leaving the kids giggling to themselves in the car.
The closer she got, the more my heart started to pound. I'd marvelled her face on more than one occasion, thinking to myself how in the hell did I end up with someone so fucking beautiful? The dusting of freckles across her straight nose and its defined tip contrasted with her dark brows and lashes lining those glowing green eyes which held an effortless intelligence I'd never come across before. She was so different to the other girls I'd been with in more ways than one. Whenever she came close, her eyes gazing into mine, it felt like I was walking on air. When the corners of her plump lips rose up with ease upon seeing me, I couldn't help but let the flutters in my stomach control me. Smiling away like a fucking idiot, I dipped my head and peered up at her.
"Well, well, well, Nightingale" I chuckled and sucked in my lips. Jesus, I was being such a fucking simp right now but goddamn I really did not give a shit. "You look good… really good"
"You're not looking too shabby yourself, Hargrove" Sierra coolly replied and kissed my burning cheek. "Hey, guys! You look great!" she beamed as I opened the car door for her.
Climbing in myself, I started the engine and we headed to the middle school. Everyone had so much energy, dancing and singing to the cassette Sierra chose. Goddamn Live Wire. Here she was - my girl - teaching my sister and Lucas how to headbang, throwing her perfectly styled tresses around without a care in the world. Fucking Christ, how did I get so lucky? Once we'd pulled up, Lucas and Max bound out of the car excitedly to meet the other kids who were with Nancy and Jonathan. The drowned music thrummed out of the school, some Madonna song I think. God, I really was going to need the flask of vodka I had in my pocket. Will and I shared only what I can call an acknowledging nod. There was still something off about the kid that I really did not like. I'd been trying to pinpoint it for a long time now but it was coming to dead ends with every avenue I pursued.
"Alright, we have Lucas, Max, Mike, Will…" Nancy trailed off and recounted, scrunching up her face. "Wait, where's Dustin?"
Right on time, Harrington pulled over and dimmed the headlights. It really didn't do anything to distract us from one thing and one thing only.
Harrington had converted him.
Coming out of the car with all the newfound confidence in the world, Henderson proudly, yet ever so delicately, ran a hand through his non-moving hair. We were all completely speechless, covering our mouths.
"What the hell happened to your hair?" Lucas exclaimed. "Do you have a bird living there or something?"
"What?!" Henderson and Harrington said in unison as he got out of the car.
"Dude, your hair is…is…" Mike stuttered.
"Is what, Wheeler?" Harrington shot back, his eyes deadly serious. "A work of art? Yeah, damn straight it is"
"Jesus Christ…" I muttered under my breath, pinching my temples.
"You look handsome, Dustin" Sierra said, giving the kid a reassuring rub on the back.
"See, someone who has taste" Dustin stated and fist bumped Sierra before going in with the rest of the kids who were still trying to get over Henderson's completely different image.
"Another convert, Harrington?" I chuckled, greeting him with a pat on the back.
Harrington returned the welcome, but kept his head lowered with the shadow of a soft, awkward smile as he waved to Nancy and Jonathan. Sierra quickly came to the rescue, ushering the two of them indoors. I continued to stand outside with Harrington and rummaged in my jacket pocket for the flask, passing it over to him. After warily searching for potential trouble, Steve took a swig and his face contorted as the sharp taste finally hit him.
"Real classy, Hargrove" Steve managed to spit out.
"You're the one drinking it, man" I smoothly replied and leaned against the car he'd turned up, helping myself to a little of the vodka I'd brought. It wasn't his car, instead he was driving a compact saloon Mercedes. 1983 model, if I was right in thinking. "Still got a soft spot for Nancy?"
"Yup, and it doesn't seem to be going away" Steve sighed, gesturing for me to pass over the flask. God, first with my cigarettes and now with the vodka. The guy was lucky I didn't mind him. "And before you go there, don't suggest for me to sleep around"
"Presumptuous of you to think I'd come out with a thing like that, Harrington" I threw my hands up in defense, snatching back the flask with a roll of my eyes. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what other advice to give him. After all, sleeping with girls had been coming I'd done ever since I lost my virginity under the pier at the San Diego Boardwalk a few years back and it was my way of exerting whatever I'd stored up.
"I know the heart wants what it wants. I can't contend with that, but it works the other way round too and I think she forgets that" Steve ran a hand through his hair and let out another heavy, solemn sigh.
"You think that now, but give it time, Harrington. Maybe you could use this time to find yourself a little more" By the way Harrington shot me a bewildered look, I would've guessed he wasn't expecting me to say that. I shrugged, shoving the flask into his hands. I wasn't prepared for the potential lecture Sierra would give me if she found out I'd had vodka on me this whole time. Better for Harrington to have it than me. "Or you could do what I initially said. Whole cheerleader team is waiting for you, man"
"And that's my cue to go back home" Steve curtly concluded and spun around on his heel to open the driver's door. I started walking off chuckling at myself when I heard him whistle.
"What do you want now, Harrington?" I groaned and turned around to see him standing by his car door, a small smile on his lips.
"Just to say thanks for the advice. I think I'm gonna take you up for it" Huh, now I really wasn't expecting him to say that. I also wasn't expecting to smile back at him, but turns out 1984 was the year for surprises and it was ending on that note too. "Catch you later"
I nodded in response and waved him off before heading into the school where I was greeted by the sight of kids swaying side to side, pretending to be living out their MTV music video fantasies as Africa by Toto blared out. Now, I was really regretting giving Harrington my flask. I felt pretty out of place here. Everyone seemed to know one another, exchanging various stories of what the kids had been up to or the latest Science fair disaster. It really just was not my scene. But any discomfort flew out of me the moment Sierra's hand caught onto mine.
"Hey, everything alright?" she asked, studying my face for possible answers. A squeeze on the hand alleviated more than the naked eye could see. But, as usual, Sierra saw everything.
"Yeah fine, Princess. Steve needed a chat. He's headed back home now though" I said. Sierra gave me a reassuring rub of the arms and headed over to the abandoned punch stall. Looks like the kids were too busy dancing to care about staying hydrated. Ah, they'd do just fine in high school.
"How was Steve? He seems pretty torn up about Nance still" Sierra said over the music, leaning her back against the coolness of the wall and pressing a cold plastic cup of punch to her forehead. "Jesus, they still haven't turned off the heaters in this place"
"He'll be alright" I took off my leather jacket, feeling the heat get a little too prickly for my liking. Shit, did those dipshit teachers not think about how many people would be dancing in here?
"Maybe we should drop by after this. His parents aren't home so he's going to be alone" Sierra said. That was doable. Even if it was just popping our heads through the window and scaring the guy shitless as he tries to watch some soppy movie. He'd know at least we had his back.
"Sure, sounds good. You know what else sounds good?" Seriously, why in the love of fucking God were the heaters in this place on? Hawkins, you just grow weirder and weirder. Sierra raised her brow, curious to hear my idea. "Getting the hell out of here so we can get some fresh air"
Sierra scoured the dancefloor quickly, mentally checking off every kid we knew as they clumsily stepped on each other's feet in a bad attempt to dance. After she'd flagged down Nancy to take over for a little, despite her giving us a bit of a side eye, I grabbed my leather jacket and we snuck out of the fire door and into the fresh, chilly air. It was a welcoming relief from how stifling it had been with all those awkwardly dancing kids and dimmed twinkle lights beaming down on us. I balanced a cigarette on my bottom lip and lit it up for Sierra, the smoke swirling around her face, before sorting myself out. As I liberated a billow of smoke, I watched as it floated up to the slight dark blue haze leftover from the day. I wondered for a moment what else was out there. Quickly, I surveyed the area before making a comment like the one I was about to make.
"Do you think the Upside Down is still there?" I asked, jumping Sierra out of her own musings. "Shit, sorry"
"No, it's cool. Strangely enough I was thinking the same thing" she said, shivering a little. I held my cigarette in between my teeth and moved to place my coat over her shoulders. "Thanks, Hargrove"
"Very welcome, Nightingale" I chuckled and shook my head, feeling curls fall over my eyes with the motion. "It feels like something is still out there, you know?"
It was something I thought about everyday. Ever since I'd seen my own eyes glower right back at me. They were scarred in the depths of my mind, returning to visit in my dreams. The twin was still hovering around, just waiting for the right moment to pounce. Problem was, I had no idea if I was prepared to fight back this time. Something about the way I'd seen right into the bottom of my soul made me doubt if I could. But I kept it to myself, admonished myself for being so fucking stupid. The real monster slept in the room next to mine with His wife, truly under the impression the world was exactly as it should be. Sierra reached over and gave my hand a squeeze, smiling consolingly with the warmth she knew I needed.
Before she could speak, the pop music was cut off and something more poignant took its place. The opening of the soft rock song was one I'd heard before and I found my foot tapping to the steady beat of the drum.
"How about if just for tonight we pretend there is no Upside Down. How about it's just…it's you, it's me, it's us" Sierra said, the warmth she'd given to me day after day shining brightly as she stepped forwards and placed my hands on her petite waist.
As I let out a quiet laugh and fell in step to Every Breath You Take. Ours eyes were magnetized onto each other's, the bond we'd created feeling everlasting. It was one based on a trust we'd struggled to build with others and this knowledge that we'd seen things that would destroy another. Sierra and I may have gotten ourselves wrapped up in a supernatural realm, but we'd witnessed destruction time and time again behind closed doors. It felt like she'd understood me beyond the charming smile and wink. She saw beneath all my layers and strived to bring out the good in me, and I so desperately wanted to bring the kid riding a 7ft wave out because of her. Because for once, someone cared to listen to me. I got so lost in those green eyes, everything else around us dissipated.
Sierra was right. It was her, it was me, it was us.
And nothing else mattered.
I gently hummed to the song, longingly gazing into her sparkling eyes. As her smile rose, so did mine despite my stomach doing somersaults. These uncontrollable emotions surged through me, stronger than ever before. Tingles spread in the back of my neck as her thumb stroked it and I found myself brushing my hand over hers, bringing it tenderly to my lips.
"You're so beautiful, Sierra" I whispered, gently kissing the inside of her hands. "I don't know how I would have ended up in this place without you"
"You would have gotten there in the end, Billy" she replied, drawing herself into my chest where I held her body against mine. "You're so much more than what you give yourself credit for"
"I just want to be good enough for you" I admitted. It was a confession I'd kept so tightly wound up under the barbed wire so it wouldn't ever reach the surface. Sierra was a lot of things I wasn't - intelligent, graceful, kind - and she'd somehow ended up with a crass asshole like me. I couldn't believe it, but there was a fear that I'd lose her one day.
"You are enough, Billy" Sierra raised her head, cupping my cheeks. "You've never been told it enough times, but you are enough, and I know one day you'll realize it" No one had expressed any sort of belief in me before her. He and Susan thought I was a no good, rotten shit who recklessly partied and had no aspirations. But after meeting her, I felt like I could be someone.
"You always have to be right don't you, Nightingale?" I chuckled and held her close to my chest again, my fingers losing themselves in her loose curls.
"Of course I do" she laughed, slipping her eyes to a close against the fast beat of my heart.
"It's one thing that makes me lo - " Well fuck... that came out way too easily. Sierra lifted her head, her eyes glimmering with that curiosity, that need to know more. I had two choices here: continue dancing and pretend I said nothing, or come out with it. What would the good guy in this situation do? I had nothing to fear here. I'd said it so many times in a kiss on her cheek, a squeeze of her hand, the way my eyes could get lost in hers. I didn't need to say what the good guy would say. No, Sierra deserved what Billy Hargrove would say. "That makes me love you" This bolt of electricity ran down my spine and finally, I felt like a lost treasure was bobbing its way back to shore.
Sierra smiled up at me and brushed my stubbled jaw with her thumb, tracing a soft line back and forwards as her beaming eyes penetrated mine. She reached for my hand, entwining her fingers with mine, and gave it a squeeze.
"It must be your lucky day, Hargrove, because it turns out I'm madly in love with you too" We burst out laughing and I found myself pressing my forehead against hers and bringing her hand to my lips. Someone loved me. My girl loved me.
"I mean it, Nightingale, I'm in deep here" I whispered, feeling a tear slip free and roll down my cheek.
"Looks like we're in deep together then, Hargrove" she whispered back, wiping away the tear as I clutched onto her hand for dear life, as if any second she'd let go and never come back. "Because I've been in love with you from the moment you proved me wrong, just like you said you would"
"I've never wanted to prove someone wrong so much before in my life" I slightly laughed as I remembered the promise I made to her. I'd given my word that I'd keep her safe and I wasn't ever going to turn back on it for the very reason I was about to give her. Pressing my forehead against hers, brushing the tip of my nose with hers. It all just felt so right. For once, everything was right. "I love you, Nightingale"
"And I love you too, Hargrove" she giggled.
There it was, here we were. Strong, united. Two people who loved each other for all their flaws and wonders.
Swaying in the moonlight, the stars twinkling above us in a perfect clear night, there was only one thing I could think of.
It was her, it was me, it was us - and I'd never been happier.