~Sierra~

I should have noticed from the very start.

I could see why Billy adored San Diego. There was something soothingly hypnotic about the way the waves crashed together. Their gentle lullaby sloshed against the shores, tickling my feet. Ashen smoke twirled lightly around us, joining Billy and I in our quiet. It wasn't a bad quiet. No, we'd had our fair share of those recently, particularly in the morning. Personally, I suspected there was more lurking beneath the surface. From the very start, I had known there was more to Billy than what met the eye.

So, I should have noticed from the very start.

The ever so subtle twitch he'd get in his eye. The harsh click of his lighter. The splashes of purple blending in with his undereye dark circles. The way he'd curtly evade a question. The loud swallow of coffee. The fleeting wobble of his lower lip.

Then, the daunting quiet would follow. It would skulk around like a shadow. It would only take three words for the shadow clouds to form.

"Are you okay?"

You'd notice the glaze film over those stormy blue eyes. Feel his back stiffen. Almost taste his one and only savior as it smoldered in an orange fire inches before his lips. Hargrove had one true fear in his life and he avoided it like the fucking plague: acknowledging the truth. He had this engrained idea that if he faced the truth, it would destroy him. Billy had gotten better in dealing with his emotions since the whole Upside Down episode. We all were dealing with the ramifications of it. Living in the shadow of fear, waiting on the edge for something to strike. I was hoping coming to California would ease some of that fear, that waiting. Silence the persistent ticking of a clock we couldn't see.

I knew it was on Billy's mind. Day in, day out. He smoked three cigarettes a morning instead of his usual one. If he wasn't waking up in the middle of the night, he was murmuring away into his pillow. His grip would tighten around my waist, holding on as if I were his anchor in a bid to not drown. As I watched the waves slosh over each other, I wondered if there would be a point where he'd let go. How much water would fill his lungs before he'd scream out for help?

Or pride be the death of him?

"Where are you, Princess?"

It was the first thing he'd said since we got out of the car. Verbally, anyway. Those intense blue eyes of his were saying a million things at once. Happy to be home. A slave to his inner thoughts. Ready to be at one with the sea again. Craving for me to reveal this secret location of mine.

"Princess…"

Where was I? Lost between elation at being here and worry he wouldn't feel the same. Was I also at one with the sea, floating around with Billy's gravelly drawl as it beckoned me back to shore? I blinked a couple of times and turned to face him. He was wearing the red shirt, the one with the subtle polka dots. Buttoned up at the third button. Never one before that. He was predictable, yet reckless. Simultaneously the calm waves and the danger beyond. There was an addictive twinkle in his stormy eyes whenever he looked at me. This one was different though. As we stood there under the moonlight, I could see how the memories sparkled. The first flick of the lighter. Every breath you take. The fireworks as the bell rang in the first seconds of 1985. Every move you make. The flash of a gunshot firing into the Demogorgon. Every bond you break. The blink of the beacon light as we watched Indiana fade away. Every step you make. The sudden bright light as it flooded the room when he shouted out for help in a deep sleep. I'll be watching you.

In years to come, I'd see this moment.

And I would know for certain, everything was on his mind.

Ever so gently, his feather-like touch sent quivers across my waist until he had me fully enveloped in his arms. Pulling me closer and closer, tighter and tighter, as if he was afraid. Afraid to let go. Afraid of what lay ahead. Both of us thought about the Upside Down. It was etched in our daily routines now. Make a cup of coffee, watch the sun rise, hear the screeches of some unearthly monster we knew was lurking, waiting, sharply inhale and pretend nothing had happened. Paint a smile, laugh at Harrington's cheesy jokes, applaud Pepsi's latest performance. There was no Upside Down. Not if the routine said so. But we knew.

When Billy asked where I was, he had already found me. He was right there with me. Right there in the moments of pure happiness and a permanent figure in our looming nightmare. I wanted to scream the words, "You know where I am, you know it exists", over and over until my voice was hoarse.

"Sorry, miles away!" I quipped.

Instead, we do the same old routine. In Billy's case, it was to light up a smoke. In my case, it was pinning on a sunny smile. I laced my fingers with his with one hand, reaching up to caress his blonde curls with the other. Heat, the natural Californian charm and the need for us to fuse as one, emanated from his body. Pressing his lean torso against my small frame, Billy brought his lips to mine, parting them with the tender roughness I'd found myself craving almost every time we saw each other. I slipped my eyes to a close, becoming fully immersed in this world we'd somehow created. The twinkling in his eyes was a portal, transporting us to this paradise away from the screeches, the echoes of a shotgun. I felt myself almost levitate as he clutched onto fistfuls of my dark hair, inching higher and higher until I was nearly toppling over him. Billy let out a husky chuckle, steadying me.

"Thinking 'bout earlier?" As always, that wink sent me crazy. The back of his hands grazed my jaw. He leaned forwards, smokey breath mingled with a comforting warmth, stopping before my lips like the teasing bastard he was. "Well, Princess, let me give you something else to think about"

Heavy lidded, his blue eyes shone even in the darkness. Before I knew it, my legs were tangled around his waist and my back against the cool rocks. We were absolute animals - careless about getting caught, wasting no moment to spare. When Billy and I fucked, it was rough. When we made love, it was a sweetness fused with raw passion. But there was never any in between. The way we liked it and nothing else. We just both really fucking loved each other. Genuinely, sometimes all it would take was looking at one another. It was the worst in class. We'd be stuck in English, listening to Mrs Simpson twitter on about something or another, and I'd just feel his knee brush mine. Then I'd feel the warm palm of his hand stroke the top of my thigh. He'd play this little game until he'd sense I was close enough to erupt from lust. On those days, we'd spend breaks in the gym storage closet. Billy had been trusted with the keys so he could play basketball whenever he wanted. "Being a disadvantaged kid wanting a clean break has its uses" he'd huskily laugh and we'd leave one at a time. Somehow, we never got caught.

My head drooped onto Billy's shoulder, feeling the rise and fall of his shoulders. I breathed in his musky scent combined with sweat, lost in this wonderful haze. Once I'd gained enough momentum to leave my hiding spot from the world, my eyes locked onto his. For a split second, I saw that glimmer of sadness before the shadows began to draw inwards. The memories. What was he thinking?

"I love you" he whispered and pressed his forehead against mine. Billy swallowed hard, grunting as he exhaled months worth of troubles. "I mean it, Sierra, I really fucking love you"

I cradled his head in my hands, eyes beseeching him to say something, anything. We were here to save him.

"I know you think about it too, Billy" I whispered back.

"Do you ever hear it?" Billy lowered his eyes, fixated on the sand as it swallowed our feet whole.

I could hear it now.

It had followed us here.

The tears poured freely, droplet after droplet. He'd fucked me like it was the last time. Professed his love like he could never do it again. I wasn't Billy's anchor. I was his life jacket. No, something else was the anchor.

And it was determined to drown us both.

"The clock"

~Billy~

The ice cold bottle of beer I clutched onto made my hands numb. Just how I wanted it to be. It was my default setting, something I was innately attuned to after years of conditioning. Sierra and I found ourselves hidden away in a corner of this old bar where Harry and I'd go to sometimes after a day of surfing. We'd openly do lines right on the table, the owner joining in whenever the occasion would arise. It was one of those kinds of seedy bars. We'd walked here in virtual silence, fingers laced tightly together.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

It wasn't the usual sound. No, this was something entirely different. It was a part of me now. Counting down the seconds before I would combust. Tonight, the constant tick-tocking hadn't gotten on my fucking nerves like it usually did. It didn't send me into pure silence. It drove me goddamn insane. It didn't follow me outside the safety of my dreams. Never, that shit was confined to a sleepless night. I didn't know what I wanted to do - drive my fist into a wall, fuck, or break down crying. I'd tried so goddamn hard to control my emotions. Anger I'd somewhat sorted. Love at one point was just some throwaway word until Sierra. I'd let that replace anger. I was fucking crazy for her. Sadness or fear, however…they were just fucked up parts of me that had no idea how to be processed. A lost kid in this warped frenzy we called life.

The owner had remembered me. Hell, the first thing he'd done was throw himself over the bar to hug me. Instinctively, my arm wrapped itself around Sierra's slender waist and tugged her closer. It wasn't until I could see it for myself that I'd forgotten how there were no rules in this place. Women dancing on the bar in their tight denim shorts to seduce a man for $20, the men cloaked in leather wearing sunglasses despite the sun being long gone as they shook hands with knives up their sleeves just waiting for a false move. I would have been able to forget if it wasn't for how everyone nodded at me or raised their drink in acknowledgement. The men hidden in the back used to get Harry to test the products, the blondes not hiding in the front were ones I'd fucked. I guess I was looking for comfort, something of my former life. But I'd inadvertently brought my current life with me. The old Billy Hargrove would have relished this. I wanted to show Sierra off, show off this incredible woman who'd chosen me. More importantly, there was a part of me that wanted to show her what I'd come from, no matter how seedy. I felt oddly safe in here, but this territory, despite the things we'd seen, was uncharted for my girl. I'd become so a part of her world that I'd forgotten my own. Sure, we shared the experience of what fucked up fathers could do, the lack of a mother. But Sierra had always lived in a world where she was protected by money, where the option of going downhill was shielded by barbed wire and the only way was up. She'd never seen this before because the upper class of Indiana hadn't allowed her to. Despite everything, Sierra was sheltered. More than she'd care to admit. But she tried her damned hardest to understand.

"Now who's this pretty little thing?" The owner, also called Billy, asked in his Southern drawl. It was one of the things I'd found so comforting about the man. He'd impart words of wisdom like it was casual poetry accompanied by a hearty pat on the back and a joint or bottle of beer. He was around 50 or 60, one of those guys who hid his age but not for vanity. No, Southern Billy was a bald, tall and leathered legend in this place. "You can't be Hargrove's girl"

"Billy, this is my girl, Sierra. Sierra, this is Billy. Old friend of mine" I said, keeping a firm arm around her.

Sierra though, as usual, was open to the element of surprise. Thrusting a confident arm forward, she shook Billy's hand with a business-like approach only her father could have taught. The only good thing that bastard had done with his hands.

"Firm handshake from such a small woman" Billy chuckled, attempting to match hers with a jauntiness suggesting he'd never come across a woman who'd had the balls to so much as put their hand forward. "Sure you're Billy's girl?"

"I'm sure! Being called Sierra will suffice though" she stated with a mischievous wink. A smirk rose on my lips as Billy looked momentarily stunned.

"Shit, your girl - I mean, Sierra - has balls, Hargrove. Where'd you find her?" Billy cackled, throwing his hand back. I never once loosened my grip around her. What the fuck was I thinking?

"At the end of a cigarette" Sierra replied, cheekily raising her eyebrows as she smirked at me.

"Sounds like Hargrove" Billy chortled and flung himself over the bar where he placed two bottles of Bud. "You drink beer, Sierra?" It didn't exactly matter whether she did or didn't, the two bottles would either become ours or his. Billy didn't believe in wasting good stock.

"I won't say no" Sweetly, Sierra smiled and handed me the other beer. "Thanks, Billy. Nice meeting you"

"No worries, sweetheart. Nice to see you again, Hargrove" Billy nodded and got back to work.

For all the faults of the place, I knew there was a reason it once felt like home. I'd have to get used to the roughness again. That shit-stinking farm town had made me way too refined. Had it really been six months? I inwardly gave my head a smack. Less thinking, more relishing. Sierra and I had settled into a booth shrouded by the dim, flickering light and smoke. Speaking of smokes, I lit one up pretty quickly. The welcome back party now gone, I started to remember why we'd come here in the first place.

To talk.

Really talk.

I put my feet up on the sticky leather seats, dragging Sierra down with me. My head lay against the wall, appreciating its coolness as a prickly heat invaded me. The Indiana winter had been far too cruel to my natural Californian blood.

"So you hear it too, huh?" I drawled out, the smoke leisurely rolling off my tongue.

"Some nights" Sierra sighed and rested her head against my chest. "Not all the time. Do you hear it every night?"

"Yeah" I whispered, my voice shuddering slightly. I buried my lips in her loose curls, softly kissing her head. It was a solace away from the echoing clock, this quiet little booth, her scent. "Pretty much. I thought being here would take it away. I don't know, Princess…" I sighed, shaking my head. "I'm sure it'll stop"

"You know you can talk to me about it, Hargrove?" Sierra said with a glint in her eyes that meant she was being deadly serious. "About anything"

"I know, Nightingale" I knew she was here. But she'd taken me here, purely so we could have a good time and so I could feel happier. So that's what we were going to fucking do. "Believe me, I know. But I'm home and I want to show you it. You let me know if you hear that shit though, alright?"

"Billy - "

"I mean it, Sierra. Because I'm not letting whatever this is fuck you up" Sierra sat up, that glint in her eyes more potent than ever. Opening my mouth to say something would do nothing but ignite it further. Talking meant action to her. Talking, to me, meant getting it over and done with so we could get back to having a good time. "I know what you're gonna say"

"We're not gonna let this fuck both of us up, Billy" she stated.

Arms crossed her chest, the 'talking means action' was in its purest form. She quirked an eyebrow upwards, waiting for a response. I wanted to agree, but in the depths of my stomach I knew there was only one way this was going to end. The Upside Down was still out there. The monster still alert and ready to pounce. That's why I just wanted to enjoy San Diego. For all I knew, it could be my last time.

"Come lie down with me" I sighed and motioned to lay her across my chest. She freely did so, resting her head against the coolness of my exposed skin. "You're stubborn, Princess"

"You signed up to it, Hargrove" she laughed. Sierra pressed her head into my chest, determined to hear the gentle flutter of my heart. Thinking of the clock, the twin as it shifted around in my mind, made it rapidly spike initially. The lurch I'd feel in my chest, the iciness as I hauled myself out of this cursed dream. They'd woven themselves into my biology now. But having her lie here, almost like a guard, made everything seem okay. "You know - "

"I won't let it fuck us both up" I repeated and gently kissed her head. Quickly, I swigged back the last of my beer, relishing the coolness as it slithered down my throat. My voice had a steely smoothness about it. Like I was confident whatever this fucking thing was wouldn't do a single thing. Seriously, fuck the Upside Down. Fuck Demogorgons and fuck whatever this constant ticking was. I was home and my girl was here. "I won't, Princess" A couple more swigs of the beer led me away to some nostalgic land. Memories of summers spent lounging around in this place washed over me and suddenly, I felt at ease once again. The clock had been mercilessly drowned. My body slackened and alongside it, Sierra melted into my chest. The sigh of relief was desperately needed. "So, San Diego vs Hawkins, huh?"

"I can see why you like it here so much" Sierra giggled and nestled into my shoulder. "It's definitely sunnier"

"Doesn't smell of cow shit either" I grumbled with a half-serious, half-joking smirk on my lips.

"Hawkins totally doesn't stink of cow shit!" Sierra sighed, playfully pouting at me.

"It totally does" I repeated in a girlishly shrill voice. Immediately, Sierra jolted up and stole the cigarette from my mouth. Jesus, it was so easy to wind her up.

"Totally doesn't, Hargrove" Sierra let the thick smoke roll leisurely off her plump bottom lip. I eased myself against the wall and pulled on her wrists, a content smirk rising as I tugged her towards me and ran my lips over hers. "Does your silence mean you concede?"

"Does yours?" I huskily chuckled and kissed her, hooking my arms around her waist.

"Hmm, depends if you say Hawkins doesn't stink of cow shit or not" Sierra mumbled in between deep kisses.

"Nightingale, I'd say it smelled of $1000 dollar roses if it meant I could take you back to our room and spend all night fu - "

But my voice trailed off somewhere. Where exactly I was still trying to discover. I was definitely submerged in the water. The 7 feet wave crashing over me. But when I emerged, I wasn't on the beach anymore. I was in the bar, my nostrils full of the suffocating stench of stale booze and cigarettes. Sea water was no longer drowning my ears. The twang of her old guitar ricocheted around in my mind, sending me further and further away. To the beach, to the comfort. But there was no denying my heart was beating so loud that nothing else made sense. All I knew was I grabbed Sierra's hand, made an excuse and got the hell out of there. For years, I had wanted to run to her despite having no clue where she was. But now, I had finally found her.

And all I did was run.

The cool breeze enveloped me like the embrace I had been longing for. The embrace I had yearned for never came. Because she didn't recognize me. Age had carved its way into her once youthful glow. Sun bleached hair turned to ash. Years had caused us to become strangers, even to ourselves. A son had lost his mother, and in return, the mother had lost her son.

The hum of her guitar and the booming applause that followed faded into the background, Sierra's feet moving in time with my frantic pace.

"Billy, what happened?" Sierra asked, finally managed to slow me down.

"Nothing, nothing, Princess. I just…" What could I say? Did I have to say anything? Come on, Hargrove. Where's the mask? Where's the ease of that old facade? Sierra's eyes, glittering in the moonlight, beseeched the truth. But the twin always knew the right answer, always knew how to make everything go back to normal. As if suddenly possessed, I forced my rigid shoulders to slacken and smirked at her. "Do you think I'm gonna let my girl hang around in that shithole all night?" When I suavely looped my arm around her waist, it was as if I was watching myself out of my body.

Do you think your girl wants to see you cry over Mommy like a pathetic sack of shit?

She left you, Billy.

Abandoned you, Billy.

Move on.

You goddamn pussy.

"Oh, Billy!" Sierra sighed and let out a relieved laugh. Well executed, Billy. Good to be back. "Honestly, I was okay in there! It was nice to see where you used to hang out"

"Exactly, 'used to'. God, Harrington would shit himself in there" I snorted and lit a cigarette, passing it to her.

"Hm, all character building, I suppose" Sierra conceded with a shrug of her shoulders. I let a smirk crawl on my lips, mimicking her.

"So, you're gonna be all buff now, huh?" I chuckled, feeling the acrid sting of the smoke in my nostrils from the cigarette balancing on my lower lip. "Come on, Princess, let's pull and head back. We've got surfing tomorrow"

And so we headed back, chattering away along the promenade as if we didn't have a care in the world.

We talked for hours about everything. Made love in the old motel room as moonlight trickled past the slight gaps in the blinds. Shared a cheap bottle of wine and laughed at a repeat of The Honeymooners. I felt her warm breath expand on my bare chest and the slight twitch in her fingers that lay on me. In the darkness, all I couldn't erase the sound of that guitar. It was like there was some sort of memory living on an invisible plane that told her one thing.

I was home.

Her son was home.

A/N: Huge apologies for the lack of updates lately. I've been so busy with work and life in general. I'm still absolutely teeming with ideas of this story and will definitely not be abandoning it. Thank you to the recent reviewers - your kind words mean so much to me! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please leave some feedback if you can! :)