AN: Hello angels, another trigger warning here. Bonnie's mental health hasn't improved at all, so please, if you want to skip this chapter you're more than welcome to do so.

Mercy Me

Everything was a constant and deep fog.

She didn't remember waking up in her bed still in her bath towel, she didn't remember getting dressed up in comfy clothes, she didn't remember going downstairs for a water bottle and she certainly didn't remember bringing her grimoire upstairs. Yet, proof had shown her that she'd done all of that. Those items were fretfully placed on the floor next to her bedside table and looked like they'd been there for a while.

Rubbing the crusts out of her eyes, she moved into a seated position in the middle of her bed and took a deep breath. Inhaling felt like a workout, almost as if her lungs straight up refused to let her get the appropriate amount of oxygen. Her hand on her chest, Bonnie forced the air inside and she could almost feel it burning the back of her throat. Still, she pushed it through and came out victorious. It was no secret that, for some reason, her body was reacting to this new world in a certain way and when it came to her respiratory system, it had always been a struggle to get it work properly here.

Maybe it was the trauma enforced on her body all of these years, maybe it was a consequence of being the anchor or maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, it clearly made her feel a certain way.

Sighing, the young girl noted that it was nighttime already; she'd slept for half of the day. Not that time mattered much anyway. She didn't have any commitments and even if she did, she could not care less about them. Bonnie was past sacrificing her time and herself for others, she was past going above and beyond to make sure that she would carry out her duty to the bitter end.

She was done, absolutely and utterly done.

Looking to her left, she spotted her bathroom and zeroed in on the water droplets on the tiled floor from days ago when she came back from the Old Witches House. She ignored them completely; mostly because it was just water and they were bound to evaporate any time now. Most of them were already gone, just a few stubborn ones refused to leave. She wasn't bothered by that; she would still make her way around the bathroom just like before. Nothing had changed.

Her phone went off yet again. Ugh. Damon had been calling her nonstop and he had actually shown up a few times but she never even bothered to open the door. Whatever he wanted to do with her, he could forget all about it. She was in no mood to help him, let alone see him. He could burn in hell for all she cared. She had no ties or trust in him whatsoever. After all, he was a self-serving bastard and he only cared about himself. So, she ignored him. If he kept calling like that, she'd turn off her phone for good.

Maybe that's not a bad idea at all, she thought and proceeded to turn the device off.

That should give her some peace when it came to that evil vampire. When the phone screen turned completely black, there was something that washed over her, a sense of relief, like she had solved a problem. He was poisonous, and she'd treat him accordingly – nothing less. With that thought, she closed off any other Damon related sentiments. She would not allow him to occupy any space whatsoever within her fragile mind. Bonnie quickly stored the phone inside her drawer and didn't give it another thought.

She exhaled knowing perfectly well that this emptiness wouldn't leave her body. It had found the perfect host and there was nothing she could do to fight it. She wasn't sure she wanted to fight it at all. There were some battles that just weren't meant to be fought. As she saw it, there was no shame in defeat, and right now, she couldn't feel more vanquished.

The solitude and the pain that came with this place had won over her and she accepted it. She was tired of fighting the inevitable, that was such a harmful and dangerous illusion. The young witch was too hurt now, too tired and too damn broken.

The only thing that kept her from tiptoeing to the edge of her already frail sanity, was the fact that Silas hadn't bothered her again. At least not in such a physical way. Instead, she would always feel his presence around her, like she was being carefully watched, as if she was some sort of experiment and he was the mad scientist watching his work come alive (or undone, to be precise).

The way her eyes examined every room she was in – in extreme detail no less – to make sure that she wasn't going crazy thinking he'd manifest his presence somehow. The way she would cover her body by lacing her caramel toned arms around her middle section. The way she would quite literally jump in her spot if she heard an unannounced sound – it didn't have to be a loud noise, any noise would have her reacting like that. The way she would sleep with all the lights on, and her gun tucked under her pillow. The way she would light up her herbs and repeat her mantra every night and every day, knowing that Silas would still find a way to torment her.

That was her life now. Stuck in her house, refusing to stay but not having enough strength to leave. Even going to the Old Witches House seemed like such a huge effort. That seemed to be another constant in her life – the perpetual effort she mustered up to do what she thought would be the right thing, what she was born to do, in other words, her true destiny.

But what destiny was that? Misery, pain and sacrifice over and over and over again? To protect the place she called home and the friends she considered family? What about her wants? Her needs? What was she supposed to do about those when her duty came calling?

Unfortunately, she knew that answer by heart now. She had to sweep it under the rug and deal with it later, but in her case, later never came and now all of her skeletons were around her, like permanent fixtures. They were haunting her now and she couldn't figure out how to get rid of them. They followed her around like a shadow and kept her chained to her own dark cave. She didn't know if she could ever escape or if she even wanted to.

Every time that she managed to come back out to the sun, somehow and someway, she would end up being dragged back inside. Always. It wasn't like she had a choice in the matter; things had a very uncanny way of unfolding. She wonderedso many nights, so many times. Why her, why now, why this. Why, why, why. She never got an answer though, at least one that made sense, so she stopped asking altogether, she just accepted her fate. Once she stopped asking, it was only a matter of time before she slowly stopped caring about other things, she'd have to take one day at a time and hope to come out alive. Nowadays, she just hoped she could survive the next hours without going insane.

However, Bonnie was now facing another problem though; she had used up all the herbs and she was dry now. There was no way she would be able to even think about sleeping without them. They were the only thing keeping Silas at bay, she couldn't afford to lose the one security blanket she had against him. Not right now and certainly not like this.

She knew what she had to do; she'd have to go to her ancestor's house. That was where she felt mildly safe. She had barely slept due to the amount of grief and shock her body was experiencing, but still, it provided her a safe shelter for that one night.

Weighing her options, Bonnie knew that she needed to go there and step out of her abode, however, that was an action that scared her. Being closed off to the ghost world and isolating herself even further meant that she wouldn't have to make decisions and face her fears on a routine basis.

She wasn't so sure she was prepared to put any energy into packing her essentials and drive to the old building. She didn't have the energy to get out of the bed for the last couple of days, let alone to drive but she had to, didn't she? Otherwise, she would suffocate with Silas' unwavering torture.

Nighttime was at her doorstep and that was sure to come with uninvited guests. Even if she didn't feel like fighting her unfair destiny, she had to fight for that very last thread of sanity. She couldn't make herself an easy target to be preyed on. That was the only battle that she was choosing to fight.

Stretching her arms upwards, she heard a crack somewhere in her spine. It felt good but it also reminded her of our fragile her structure was. Her bones were surely made of calcified paper at this point; her muscles and joints felt disconnected – her body was mirroring her mind. It was strange, but not surprising sadly.

She'd been through this before; multiple times actually. It happened time and time again so now she was used to it. Her body reacting to the trauma and begging her to take it easy, to rest, but she wouldn't. She couldn't. Now, the significant change was that now she was truly alone with her thoughts and her agony. She didn't have an escape or a distraction to get her head out of it.

It was ironic how, for so long, she had wished to have some time for herself, to truly feel those emotions, but now that she got what she wanted – in theory – she couldn't help but to want to have the very opposite. Something other than this utterly smashing weight of everything she had gone through up until that point. An outlet. A way out of herself.

Damn.

It wasn't like things had been great for her before, far from it, but now she didn't know what to do with all these feelings that seemed to torment her more and more as each day went by. She was getting buried in them, standing in the deep pit surrounded by sorrow and loss. So much loss.

There is no way out, she mused, there never was.

Sighing, Bonnie climbed out of her bed and that action took almost all of her strength. She felt a zing of pain shoot through her ankles and she shook it off in an effort to relieve herself. It worked for the time being and she was satisfied with that.

Walking up to her closet, she stared at it for a while. Bonnie had never been someone that cared that much about her physical appearance, at least not in the way that Caroline did. She found that being comfortable and still being satisfied with the way her outfits turned out, was the most effort she could put in. That was one of the things that she and Elena had in common. They both liked clothes but didn't hold them as a status measurement, not even after joining the cheerleading squad.

What really demanded her utmost concentration was her hair. That had always been a priority in her household and she didn't know any other way. Sheila was the one to teach all of the protective styles and how to properly care for her hair. She remembered with fondness all of the times Sheila braided her hair using encouraging words and just an overall positive view of herself.

Bonnie's brow furrowed and she tried blinking away those strong emotions away.

Not now.

She opened one of her wardrobe doors only to be hit with many polaroid pictures of an old life glued to the inner side of the door. Memories she recalled but didn't feel like they were hers, not anymore at least. Photos of Caroline, Elena, Matt, Tyler and Jeremy.

Oh, Jeremy.

Her first serious relationship. The one she lost her virginity to and the one boy she said I love you to. He was the sweetest person, with such a big heart, but he was boy still on the cusp of teenagerhood. That particular photo was taken just days before she found out about Anna. That betrayal dilacerated her entire person and she was never able to mend her heart after that blow. At the time she questioned – how could she care so much about someone, save their life time and time again, only to be stepped on like this? Like she wasn't enough?

Those questions though, stayed deep inside her, she never had the proper time to air them out, and to be completely honest, there were times where she still felt them at the tip of her tongue, even after reconciling with the younger Gilbert.

Guess their love was that strong, or maybe she had a forgiving heart, or maybe it was a combination of both. She saw the efforts he'd made to make sure that she would be able to come back to the land of the living and she saw how destroyed he was whenever their lead met a dead end. She saw it all, and despite all natural odds, they were able to find a common ground. They were able to find out what made them them and what made them flourish in the first place.

However, it was so strange to fall back in place once she traded places with Amara. Everything was such a big disconnect and though she and Jeremy were seemingly in the same page, Bonnie felt like something had shifted. She had definitely changed, and she could see he had changed too, so what was it that left her feeling so... off? She loved him, so having the gift of being reunited with him should feel like heaven – and it did, for a short while.

Looking down at the photo, she caressed his face with her thumb.

He loved her and she loved him, but somehow destiny or just life in general, kept pulling them apart. Like they weren't meant to be. Bonnie had a hard time with that but after finding out about the imminent collapse of The Other Side, she finally realized it. They were never meant to be together and certainly not like this. She was a witch and he was someone that had his whole life ahead of him. Deep down, she felt like she couldn't escape what was already written out for her. There was always a catch or consequence; she wouldn't drag him down with her. He deserved better than that. That was why she decided to give him the best moments she could under those circumstances, and make their memories last.

I died Jer, the day before graduation. And the rest of this has been a gift. I choose to be thankful that I didn't waste a second of it.

I love you

Those were her last words to him and the last time she heard the sound of his voice.

Hmm, so many lasts.

He deserved more than what she could give him and her premonitions had been right. The only thing she could so now was to move on from that and hope that he was alright. Even if it broke her heart a bit more.

She put the picture back in its place and let her eyes skim through all of them. The memories behind each photo were foggy as if she had been in a coma and was now trying to piece her old life together. She had been happy once, light and carefree, young and hopeful.

Bonnie gulped hard; maybe staying away from this house was a good idea. Too many memories belonged to this place, she couldn't stay here for long.

Huffing, she picked some items she was sure would suffice for at least a couple of days. Moving to her bathroom, she took her shower gel and other essentials. Bonnie disposed everything on top of her bed, not caring enough to fold her tops, camisoles or towels; they were all going to a suitcase as a jumbled mess.

She walked down the stairs to the storage room where she knew there was a big enough suitcase to serve her needs. Once she got it, she didn't waste much time dumping all of her things inside and zipping close at once. Now, the only thing missing was her grimoire and her gun.

She packed her gun quickly but took a longer time packing her grimoire. Did she even want it? It belonged to Emily; it was a family heirloom – sure – but did she want to bring it knowing that she wouldn't be opening up the book anytime soon? There was a reason why she had left it on the floor; she couldn't bring herself to read it because the words came alive making an unravelling mess that she couldn't (and wouldn't) untangle. A mess that she wasn't willing to decipher anymore.

The book that once guided her in the most troubling times, was now something that the young witch was starting to fear. Her efforts to read it for the past weeks had been nothing but a pure waste of her time. Another distraction, if you will, but now that she looked at it without the hopeful filter of better days clouding her senses, she was starting to believe that the object had something more to it than just spells. Like, something dark, something she couldn't quite explain.

Maybe it was her paranoia, her fear or just her overall inability to give a single fuck at this point, but she could no longer look at the item in the same way as she did before. It was as if after she and Damon had that big fall out at Bree's, she was seeing things through a different lens. A truer one, one that hadn't been influenced by her stupid need to save everyone else – she could see things as they were now – pointless, brim and grim.

With that heightened sense of complete and utter insignificance, Bonnie decided that she wouldn't be taking her grimoire with her. She was not a practicing witch anymore, and even if she were, she felt too weak to even gather the energy to produce the smallest spell. She spared the book one last glance before turning away and getting her suitcase and her bag downstairs with effort.

She took the main door's handle between her hands and took a minute to gather herself.

This is it, she thought, this is the only way.

A zing of slight panic went through her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening that door that would grant her access to the strange and cold world. Bonnie dragged her belongings to her car ignoring the warmth of the night. She knew better than to let herself be fooled by such details.

Once upon a time, she would have basked in it; in the glow of the stars, the light breeze that prickled her skin and the call that was sure to follow inviting her to a bonfire or a party that Caroline knew about. She would've been wearing one of her favorite jean shorts, a strapless top and a light jacket. She would take that call with joy knowing that her night was about to be spent with her two best friends. Caroline would've been here in any second now, with Elena in the passenger seat.

Come on Bon, this party's gonna be epic, her blonde friend would say and she would believe it, because most of the times she was right. Even if it was just drinks with Tyler and Matt, Bonnie knew that she was going to have a good night. They'd drive to their location and the place would be buzzing with life. Gyrating bodies dancing to whatever hit song was playing, the usual jock group drinking beer as if they were in some type of contest, the other popular girls making their moves on the hottest guys, Caroline fighting to find a good parking spot and Elena looking beautiful with a huge smile on her face. Tonight, we'll have fun, she'd say.

Now, looking at the empty street, Bonnie was assaulted with that dreadful feeling of homesickness. Not only for her friends but for her old life. The one she had before everything went to shit. Back when they were all okay, when she believed that nothing would ever come in between their friendship, when she didn't hate Elena. Back when she was truly alive.

The young girl dropped the suitcase in her car trunk at once. Those memories were just that – memories.

She wasn't that girl anymore; she no longer was Bonnie Bennet the freshman with her two best friends looking to make the best out of high school. She was no longer the girl that truly believed they would all make it past this dull town and make something out of themselves, she no longer believed that she would find the one and have a happy and loving relationship – the kind Elena and Matt had in the beginning. She no longer believed that she would live her dreams as a writer, she no longer believed she would see the world with her friends and tell Sheila all about it. She no longer believed in a bright future, that Bonnie died along with Sheila. Now, more so than ever, she knew there wasn't such a thing as a happy ending, only a bitter one and that's the one she got stuck with.

Getting inside her car, Bonnie trembled as she fished out the keys from her pocket. She wasn't so sure why she was skittish but she was. She turned the key and started her vehicle. The purring sound coming from the engine should be a familiar one, after all, she had heard it countless times now. However, this one, sounded different, as if it sensed her fear and it somehow calmed her down.

She let her head rest against the head rest thinking I'm going insane, and let herself stay like that for a while. As expected, there wasn't movement around her. The street was dead quiet, only the stars and the light from the lampposts filled up the place.

She didn't dare looking back to her house afraid of what she'd see, instead, she made sure to avoid it altogether. Inhaling deeply, she finally drove away. She did it slowly, there was no point in rushing to her ancestor's house.

Despite being stuck in this dimension for a while now, that eerie sensation of driving down a ghost town always had her shook. These were the homes of some of the people she grew up with, some of the places she went to with her friends and they were now completely empty. Not a single soul to claim their spot. Nothing at all.

There was one particular place she hadn't been to but it didn't leave her mind nonetheless. She just couldn't bring herself to do it, not so soon. And just like that, the memories of her grandmother quickly flooded her being and Bonnie was, once again, unbalanced.

Her heart clenched so hard that she found it hard to breathe properly for a second there. Sheila was her pillar, the one person that held her together after everything she had been through, she was like a mother to her. Even back when Bonnie didn't believe Sheila's tales about her family's magical abilities, she would still listen with an open heart and bright eyes. Then she would chuckle when Sheila would fall asleep in a middle of a sentence.

She bit her bottom lip in an attempt to keep her tears at bay but that was another difficult task. She couldn't do this and she couldn't do it alone. She missed her so much. She used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears that were now falling rapidly. Her sniffles came fast but, at this point, she wasn't fighting them anymore. She just wanted everything to stop, this gutting pain and heart ache, she wanted it gone.

"I can't do this" she whispered alone "I need you Grams"

Deep down, she knew there was no way that Grams would actually reply to her or show up to tell her that everything would be okay, but still, she was so disappointed when nothing happened.

How could this be that one of the strongest witches of one of the strongest bloodlines would perish like that? Be gone? And why was she the one that got to survive?

Shaking her curls, Bonnie sniffed again and pressed her foot harder against the gas brake. It should've been me, she thought, not you Grams, I was the one that messed up, I was the one that brought you into this mess!

"It should've been me!" she screamed "It should've been me!"

Sheila was the seasoned witch, she was the strong and wise one, she was all she had, she shouldn't have been taken away from her like that. Why did the Witches allowed it to happen in the first place? And why did they punish Grams when Bonnie was the one that messed up by trying to help Elena with her transition?

"I'm so, so, so sorry" she cried "It was all my fault and..." she couldn't even bring herself to finish that phrase but she knew where it was going. She had known for a while now.

I have your blood in my hands, I did this to you.

Her mouth fell open as she openly admitted again since that fateful night at Bree's. She's the one that caused all of this. Grams should be alive now, she had so much to live for and Bonnie had so many questions to ask her, so many hugs that weren't given, moments that were stolen away by injustice.

Sheila didn't deserve this, but Bonnie did. She knew she did.

Bonnie left the car fast; she barely parked it, and ran straight into the house. Maybe she was acting on all of those emotions but she had to try this, at least try this because there was no point in anything, but that should be her punishment alone, no one else's.

"Bring her back!" she demanded as she opened the main door "I did this, not her and... if there's someone there listening... please,I'm sorry" she begged "She's all I have" her voice cracked a little and, unfortunately, it didn't seem like her request was heard.

Bonnie let her body fall onto her knees, the fall didn't hurt nearly as she hoped it would. Her hands palmed the hardwood floor hard, as if she wanted to imprint them there "You can't do this to me" she said after a while "If you're listening, I beg you please, bring her to me. I can't do this anymore, I'm all alone"

Right after she uttered that sentence, she felt something heavy in her chest. The realization that she was all alone in all senses, not even the spirits were here with her. She blinked fast, moved to a more comfortable position and dried her face.

She looked around the basement carefully and quickly spotted it – Emily's necklace – she had completely forgotten about it. It was still glued to the wall, it never moved places.

Sighing, Bonnie walked up to it "You know, if there's any chance, any chance at all, that someone's out there..." she closed her eyes because she couldn't believe what she was doing, but then again, she was desperate and had no choice "If you can hear me, please help me. I just want my Grams back, it – it wasn't her fault, I did this." a beat "I did this" she whispered.

Her green eyes were glued to the crystal, searching for any acknowledgement, searching for anything, but nothing happened. She tried to take that disappointment and pretend that it didn't bother her, she did but she failed miserably.

I shouldn't have done it, she thought.

She already knew that there wasn't any point in trying to push back and fight, but she did it anyway. Her love for Sheila was bigger than what she thought was right, she couldn't help herself and not try. At least try. Now it was official, there was nothing to live for or to look forward to. The only thing she was sure was to come was that final darkness.

Immediately, the young witch felt her heart clench, the pain in her chest was increasing rapidly and she had to forcefully remind her brain that she would be protected here, she would be safe. That seemed to do the trick and it took her a few minutes to get her breathing under control.

I'm safe, she repeated hollowly. She didn't care though because that lie was going to save her tonight.

Running a frustrated hand through her hair, Bonnie then realized that she had left her suitcase in the trunk of her car so she quickly retrieved it and dragged it back to the house's parlor. The first night she had slept here, she had been cooped up in the basement so naturally she made her way there. However, there was a note taped to the wall with her name written on it. The young witch eyed it warily. How come she hadn't noticed that when she first came in the house? Oh, right, she hadn't been in a position to noticed that piece of brown paper.

Her lips parted, as she tried to figure out what to do next. This note was definitely new and it was most likely to be Damon's. She definitely didn't want to deal with anything he had to say at all but her stupid curiosity wanted to take a peek and see how what nonsense he had to say now. Taking a breath in, she said "No, you're not there and I don't care"

She walked past it and went downstairs. She wanted to set up her corner like she had the last time, but the blankets she had left neatly folded were gone. With her brows furrowed, Bonnie searched around the room. She looked in the shelves, behind the door and soon was frustrated again. They were nowhere to be found!

Her hands balled into fists as she felt a wave of rage wash over her. Of course, Damon couldn't leave her alone, he had to go out of his way and annoy her just because she was ignoring him. Damon Salvatore had to have his way – always. He was such an insufferable fucking bastard!

"You have such a nerve!" She ran up the stairs fast and ripped that note from the wall. Bonnie let her eyes roam down the page and suddenly her rage vanished. She was sure the note would be full of demands or whatever equally obnoxious Damon nonsense, so it was really surprising when she found the opposite.

Biting her lip, she folded the note, took her suitcase and went upstairs. When she pushed the door open of one of the rooms further down the corridor on the right side, she was met with an elegantly furnished room. The bed was placed opposite the window, two small bedside tables, a chest of drawers and a desk.

Taking small steps into the room, Bonnie started wondering why he would do such thing for her but quickly shut down those inquisitive thoughts. It didn't matter that Damon went out of his way to decorate a room, he was still an asshole and he pissed her off. What, now that he had done this gesture, was she supposed to congratulate him and forget about all of the shit he pulled? No way, not a chance in the world. She might be broken down, absolutely miserable and tired, but she was not going to forgive Damon.

Nevertheless, she took advantage of the fact that there was an actual room ready for her. She could feel the exhaustion take over her small body. So, she carelessly opened her suitcase and took the items she needed before she headed to the bathroom.

The water hit her back in a soothing way. The steam was filled up the bathroom and, for the first time in days, she felt her muscles relax. They were no longer steel junctions but a soft tissue holding her together. She massaged the back of her neck with her eyes closed, her fingers went down her shoulder blade carefully and then down her arms.

There exhale she released was profound. Her body was so sore, especially around her shoulder area and her knees. Those were her unwanted battle scars. The scars she hadn't allowed anyone to see, well anyone besides Jeremy, and even still, she would conceal them the best she could.

The reality was that despite having powers and being able to fend for herself most of the times, Bonnie was still very much human and breakable. It seemed as if the world had forgotten about that, including herself. She would push herself so hard for her friends and it would always leave a bruise, each time bigger than the last. Now, it seemed as if she was just an under looked and bruised body managing to walk still on its two feet. But Bonnie wasn't invincible or immortal, at some point all of the pain and chaos would catch up with her and it seemed as now she had no choice but to endure it.

She tried to fight it but her chin quivered with her emotion nevertheless. There was no way Bonnie could make it out unscathed and alive out of this. Even if she stayed under the house's protection and managed to never see Silas ever again, she was already too destroyed. She wouldn't be truly alive, just pretending and that had been a skill she had mastered a long time ago, but now, everything took the biggest of efforts.

At this point, she was just holding on day by day without thinking about the next day. She was on survival mode.

The young girl took another deep breath and turn off the tap. She carefully stepped out of the shower, covered her body with a bathing towel and made her way to the room. Her suitcase was still wide open on the floor and it was going to stay like that for the time being, she just couldn't be bothered with such minimal things.

As she got ready, she tried to block everything out. All of the noise inside her head, the weight of her depressing thoughts and the never-ending fear simmering just below the surface. She wanted to block it all. The pain, the trauma, the love, everything.

She could feel those corners shrinking, the numbness taking over but just then, right in that moment, she heard it again. Clear as the day.

Bonnie.

She blinked and closed her eyes at once. This is not real, it's not real, it's not real, she thought. But then she heard it again.

Bonnie.

The soft mature voice that warmed her heart, the one she looked up to for guidance. Bonnie stood up quickly and started pacing around the room "No, this – this can't be. It's not real. No"

Her heart was beating fast and she licked her lips. What if this was another way of Silas messing with her? He had already invaded her dreams, so who was to say that he wouldn't mess with her mind just now?

Anxious, she moved her hand to her pendant and pressed it hard between her slender fingers.

It's real.

She jumped in her place and quickly let go of her necklace. Did she just... Had she just heard her voice?

"Grams?" she tried "Is this really you?" she waited for a while but got nothing back, not even a whisper "Please, Grams, if this is really you then... I just... I don't..." she sighed and ultimately went silent.

This was ridiculous and she was going to lose her mind if she kept going. She was the only person in that house, Grams was somewhere else, hopefully somewhere peaceful.

With that thought, Bonnie climbed back in bed and laid down. Despite feeling absolutely exhausted, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, at least not right now.

She focused on a little mark on the ceiling and made sure that her thoughts wouldn't stray away from the insignificance of that mark. She was tired of thinking; it was as if her brain had run worldwide marathons. She needed the rest and if she had to stare into nothing to achieve it, then so be it.

And still, she thought, was it real?

The sun rays danced their way inside room and caressed Bonnie's face. They went along her jaw, her cheek bone and, finally, her viridescent iris.

She wasn't sure what time it was but she knew it was early. The birds were chirping just outside the window and she recalled being dark outside not too long ago. She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. It was such a contrasting picture, the outside world seemed to burst with life and here she was completely devoid of it.

She also knew that this is where she would be safe. She had gone a full night without being tormented by Silas; she didn't feel his looming presence watching her from afar and she didn't have any nightmares.

That, naturally, was most welcome.

One could say that the fact that she had barely slept could've aided her situation but still, she was more than satisfied with this win. Her first night without taking the herbs to protect herself had been successful.

At least something's working, she thought tiredly.

She sighed and moved around in the bed so she could lay flat. That dark mark was still in the same spot, she noted. Not that it mattered at all, in fact, she didn't know why she felt the need to make sure it hadn't moved, but alas, she had that fleeting urge to do it.

Better that than going into another spiral, she thought. Not that she wouldn't go into one anyway, it was just too difficult to stop her own thoughts. It was like catching smoke with her bare hands, by the time she realized what was happening, she was already in that cold pit.

She tried her best to control it but now that all of her fears were out in the open, she couldn't help but to fall victim to them. Maybe if she had someone to help her, someone that truly understood her, if only she had Grams with her... everything would've been much easier. There was no one that understood her like Sheila did, there was no one that Bonnie loved the most.

Bonnie thought back to weeks ago, when they first arrived to this world. Back then, she had thought that she'd be reunited with her family and finally get that warm embrace that was so characteristic of Sheila Bennett. She thought that, now after everything that had happened, they would be able to be a proper family or to at least repair the damage that had been done years ago. It was beyond disappointing finding that she was going to be stuck here with Damon of all people.

Still, deep down, Bonnie wanted to have complete trust in her grandmother and hope that her happy ending after all. That was then. Now she felt so empty and heavy that such sentiments as hope were easily sucked up by the darkness growing inside of her. The darkness that she had tried to tame for so long and so hard, but now it had grown stronger and bolder. It had taken shape now, a dangerously familiar body that had latched onto her and became part of her bloodstream.

They were one now.

She couldn't pinpoint exactly when she had returned to the basement, but the matter of fact was that she was standing in that room. She had her phone's lantern turned on as she moved around the space. For some weird reason, she felt like she had to be there. Emily's necklace was still glued to the wall and there weren't any changes to the room, but something deep within her wouldn't let her leave.

Bonnie.

The girl in question jumped and grasped her necklace. "No, not again"

She was already going through a lot right now, hearing voices inside her head wasn't helping at all, especially when she could so clearly detect Sheila's soft timbre "I'm not doing this again" she said determined and made her way to the basement's door. She stopped by the frame and looked back slowly. She had tried to get some sort of answer, an explanation, and nothing happened so far. Despite being in a hotspot of Bennett magic, Bonnie wasn't sure that her grandmother heard her at all. Being here left her so unbalanced and so insecure that she was constantly second-guessing herself.

Years ago, she would've reacted differently to the voice in her head; she wouldn't give up so soon and she wouldn't be as terrified as she was right now. Honestly, even if Bonnie wanted to be positive and hope that this was really Grams talking to her, she had to face the reality that Silas was the only person that could tamper with people's minds so easily. He'd done to her many times before, so who's to say he wasn't doing it now? For some reason, it seemed like he couldn't taunt her, at least he hadn't done so and she wanted to keep it that way.

Sighing, she went back upstairs and entered one of the bathrooms. The cold water felt good against her face, she massaged her temples and had a few gulps of the liquid. She then released what felt her weight in hot air and still, she felt like she weighted a ton.

This was really it. The culmination of her entire life and she was stranded somewhere alone.

That realization prompted her to close the faucet at once and go straight to the room she was currently occupying. She frowned when she noticed the room was dark again; she could've sworn the day had just started moments ago. Where had time gone? Her brain was trying to process what had happened but she soon gave up on that entirely. Figuring out the why and the how left her even more exhausted and she just couldn't bother anymore.

Climbing onto the bed, she went back to staring at the little spot. It was such a small and insignificant smudge; no one would notice it unless they examined the ceiling closely. Nevertheless, Bonnie found it mesmerizing, her eyes couldn't really move away from it for too long. Strangely enough, it helped her brain go blank which was exactly what she was looking after. Numbness.

Maybe she felt so drawn to it because, just like her, that spot was a singularity in an empty house. Placed so high but still so overlooked. It really said a lot that she was now relating to a stain.

AN: Hi angels! Oh my days it's been such a long time and I'm very sorry that you had to wait this long. I've had about 60% of this chapter written up since early june but my work load increased almost astronomically these past months and I haven't had the chance to get back to writing. But, alas, it's amazing to be back! Thank you to everyone that reviewed and followed. Truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm very proud of the small community we're building together around these two characters. I love reading your reviews and interacting with you!

I surely hope you enjoy this chapter, I've tried my best and I'm actually quite nervous but here we go. Please excuse any typos or errors.

It's very Bonnie centric and I decided months ago on dedicating some chapters to her, especially when they're as important as this one. I really wanted to explore her thoughts, feelings and emotions, and give her some down time to properly feel everything (even if she doesn't process any of that pain, but can't really judge her). I've been hinting at some of the major issues Bonnie's faced in the past and I didn't think it would've been a good idea to repeat myself in this chapter. Not only that but Bonnie's got quite a path to recovery and healing to go through, so obviously these issues will be revisited.

Also, to anyone that has been struggling with their mental health, please there's helplines and professionals that can help you get through these trying times, and if you need to talk, my inbox is always open. Though be aware that I'm not a professional. You are not alone, even if it feels like you are, try to hold on to the things you find sacred. Wherever you are, whoever you are, I'm very proud of you. It's not easy waking up and facing this world so it does say a lot when you do it. Even if it hurts. Be brave, be strong and be gentle with yourself. Congratulate yourself on all of your accomplishments - big or small. If you've done what you were putting off for so long, I see you and damn that's a huge step already! If you didn't manage to do it, remember that you can always try tomorrow, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.