April 14th, 1976
"Lucius, I don't know if I should have anything to drink tonight," I sigh as he pours two generous helpings of red wine. Lucius picked me up from King's Cross a few hours ago for Easter break. I took a nice, warm shower when I got to the manor, then went downstairs to hang out with Lucius in the living room. The wedding is just a couple days away, then I'll be spending the rest of break with Evan at his house.
"Relax, it's just wine! You can't get drunk off wine the same way you get drunk from vodka or beer, remember, Severus? Wine just makes you calm and happy!" he says nonchalantly, putting the glass into my unprotesting hands. I can't refuse him, anyways, and he knows it. He swirls his wine once or twice, then takes a sip, looking into the fire.
I take a sip of my wine. It's not bad, but it tastes strong, and I haven't had wine since the summer.
Lucius remarks, "I chose another sweet one for you, just like last summer. I know you like sweet things."
I smile, meet Lucius' eyes, and say, "Thanks, Lucius. It's nice."
"You are most certainly welcome, Severus!" he says with one of his condescending smiles that makes me feel like trash, and starts talking about something boring.
I let him talk, agreeing in the right places, but mostly I focus on the fire, and let my thoughts wander. I drink the wine, and find that the more I drink, the more I like it. Feeling hot, I take off my sweater. As I remove my sweater, my hair gets pulled back, revealing my piercings.
"I thought I told you to take those out for the wedding, Severus," Lucius says through a very forced, cold smile.
"I will! I promise! I'll take them out the day of! I don't want them to close up if I take them out too early!" I exclaim, nervously covering my ears back up with my hair.
"I still think they look trashy. You should have asked me before getting them done."
I just shrug and take another sip of my wine.
"Ah well, I'm sure you'll grow out of it someday and take them out on your own."
"Maybe. I like them, though."
"Well, that makes one of us."
I shrug again, down the rest of the wine in my glass, and stare into the fire as Lucius begins talking about his work.
To my surprise, Lucius takes my glass from my hand and refills it.
"Thanks!" I smile.
"My pleasure," he drawls.
After some time, I am snapped out of my thoughts as Lucius puts a strong arm around my shoulder and declares, "I'm glad to see you're enjoying yourself and that you like the wine."
"Yeah, it's good! It makes me feel all fuzzy inside," I giggle, feeling much less nervous and tense than before, and relax into Lucius' embrace as he undoes the first button on my shirt, "do you feel fuzzy yet?"
"No, not yet! But I have more experience than you do. Why don't you eat a few crackers?" Lucius smiles.
Any other time, I would have told him that I wasn't hungry, but now I happily put a piece of cheese and a cracker into my mouth.
"Would you like some more wine?" he asks innocently.
"Uh huh!" I say as he undoes the next button on my shirt. My blood feels like fire in my veins, and my brain feels like it's sitting in a cloud. Feeling too warm, I undo the rest of my buttons.
I don't know how many glasses of wine I've had, but I feel great. I don't know how many crackers I've eaten, but I'm having the time of my life. Lucius is tickling me, and I can't stop laughing. I giggle nervously when he pins me to the floor and strokes down my stomach to my belt.
"You're so small," he murmurs into my neck, long platinum hair tickling my face, "So small, and fragile, and easy to control." I feel the wind from the swish of his wand, and a shiver runs down my spine as my wrists are pinned to the floor by my head. Long fingers work on undoing my belt and unzipping my pants.
"Stop!" I exclaim. My scared voice sounds quiet, and little, and powerless.
Lucius pulls my pants and boxers off, and I pull my knees up to protect myself. He pushes them apart as easily as if I were a cheap doll, and sneers, "I'm going to have a bit of fun with you tonight, Severus, and you're going to earn those piercings you got without my permission. If I let you go, will you behave?"
"Lucius, please! Please don't!" I whimper as tears begin to pop into my eyes, "'M sorry! I'll take 'em out!" My words are starting to slur, and my muscles feel weak from all the wine I've drunk.
"I asked you a question," he snarls, and slaps my face just hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough to bruise, "and I expect an answer! If I let you go, will you behave?!"
I turn my head away as a tear rolls down my cheek.
"Well?!" he yells, raising his hand to strike me again.
I flinch underneath him, and my voice trembles as I whisper, "Yes, sir."
"Good boy," he purrs, and as he swishes his wand, my wrists are released. I don't move. He casts Scourgify, and I wince as my clean body stings. Lucius sneers, grabs my waist, roughly flips me over onto my stomach, and drags my hips back and my knees underneath me.
"Please, Lucius," I beg in a last attempt to make him stop.
"Shut your whore mouth," he growls, kneeling behind me, grabbing my hair, and shoving my face into the floor like I'm a dog that's been naughty, "You shouldn't have gotten them done in the first place! You deserve this! And you owe it to me to let me do whatever I want! Without me, you are nothing!" He lets go of my hair and pulls his pants down to his knees, then takes a vial from his pocket and pours the contents out onto his erection.
I bite my lip and try my hardest not to struggle as he digs his cold fingers into my hips and takes what he wants.
After what feels like forever, he finishes, shoves me to the floor on my side, pulls his pants back up, and casts Scourgify again. Seeing the quiet tears streaming down my face, he drawls, "Now really, Severus, there's no need for tears. I've done so much for you, the very least you can do is just lay there and take it with out being such a crybaby! And with how defiant you've been about those trashy piercings, you're lucky I wasn't too rough with you!"
I try to take a deep breath and calm myself down, but I am sore, and I am drunk, and I just can't stop the tears dripping down my cheeks. I guess Dolohov was right. I guess I am just a little whore. I can't even leave because there's nowhere else for me to go. This is my home now, and I belong to Lucius, especially now that he has custody. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am lucky he wasn't too rough with me, though I am in a bit of pain. But still, this wasn't how I imagined losing my virginity would be like. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. I thought sex was supposed to be fun. I thought it was supposed to feel good. I remember my mother telling me to make sure I give back to Lucius, and I wonder if she ever thought, or ever cared, that this is what giving back might turn into.
Shaking his head, Lucius grabs my pants from the floor, picks me up, and carries me upstairs to my bedroom. He throws my pants in a pile at the foot of my bed, and holds me tight as I sob into his shoulder. Lucius strokes my hair as if I am a well-groomed pomeranian, murmuring, "Shh, it's alright. I did get you very drunk, so I can't be too angry with you for crying or for protesting. You're such a good little pet, but I don't know. I suppose I didn't think you would be this distraught. Maybe I should have drugged your wine like I did those few times over the summer, but it's just not the same that way. It was much more fun while you were fully awake."
Horrified, I start to struggle in his arms, trying to get out.
Lucius tightens his grip on me, "Be still!" he commands, and, frightened, I stop moving, "It's alright, though, I'm getting married in a couple of days, anyways, so this will have to stop. Still, I think it's best if you don't remember any of this tomorrow. I like you best when you're trusting, and obedient, and naïve, and I don't need any trouble from the boy who killed his own parents," he chuckles. I flinch as he presses the tip of his wand to my temple, and the last thing I hear before everything goes black is, "Don't ever forget, Severus, you're mine. You belong to me. Obliviate!"
I wake up in the morning to Lucius sitting down on my bed. My head gives a painful twinge, and I nuzzle my face into my rabbit plushie, covering my eyes from the bright light.
"Good morning! How are you feeling?" he asks.
"Mmm," I groan.
Lucius chuckles, and says, "It's time to get up. Go ahead and take a shower and come downstairs for breakfast, alright?"
"Mm hmm," I mumble. Eyes still closed, I reach out for my water bottle, and Lucius hands it to me. I sit up, drink a bit of the water, then, feeling a bit better, I open my eyes and look blearily at Lucius, "What time is it?"
"It's about eight o'clock. How did you sleep?"
I shrug, and drink a bit more water, "Okay, I guess. I think I had a bad dream, but I don't remember. My head hurts real bad."
"Your head hurts? You did get pretty drunk last night. That water should help. Go ahead and take a nice warm shower, get dressed in something decent, and come downstairs for breakfast, alright? And Severus?"
"Mmm?" I mumble through my waterbottle.
"You're going to eat what you're given today. I think you've lost weight since Christmas. You're looking awfully bony."
Even though the covers are bunched around my waist, I'm suddenly very conscious of how naked I am. I must have gotten warm from the wine and taken my clothes off some time during the night, but I don't remember doing so. I guess it's just like those few times over the summer when I woke up naked after Lucius gave me that dry-tasting wine the night before. I shiver, put my water bottle down, and cover my chest and shoulders back up with my blankets, "Yes, Lucius," I murmur, looking down.
"Good boy," he purrs, and ruffles my hair before he gets up, "I'll see you downstairs in 30 to 45 minutes."
After he leaves my bedroom and closes the door, I sit in bed for a few minutes, drinking my water and mentally going through yesterday's events: Lucius picked me up from the station, I took a shower, we played chess, then we talked about his wedding plans for Saturday. I had a few glasses of wine, ate a couple crackers, and then my memory ends. Hard as I try, I can't remember what happened. I must have fallen asleep at some point. Maybe Lucius carried me to my room like he did over the summer? I hope so. I always liked that. It made me feel special and cared-for. Like I mattered. Like I was loved. Upon forcing myself to get up, I notice how sore I am through my lower back. I shake out my legs and try to crack my back, but it doesn't help. Looking at myself in the mirror, I'm disgusted. My hair is a mess, my eyes look a bit red, and I have a couple of new bruises on my hips and knees. I must have gotten really drunk last night to look so sloppy this morning! Rubbing my temples, I throw my clothes from yesterday in the hamper, take a shower, and get ready to go try on my suit for Lucius' wedding. Before I go downstairs for breakfast, I splash my face with cold water like my father used to do when he had to go to work after a night of drinking. It doesn't really make me feel much better, but I guess that's just the way things are.
After picking up my suit for the wedding from Diagon Alley, Lucius makes me go upstairs with him and try it on one more time to make sure it looks alright, since nothing can look bad at Lucius' wedding. I take off my cloak, green sweater with the snake on the front, and child-sized black pants— too short now, but somehow they still fit the rest of me, and I put on the suit.
"Merlin, Severus! Your little body is so disproportionate! Your torso is so ridiculously short and your legs are so skinny and long, you look like a little spider," Lucius drawls from his armchair.
I pause, button my suit pants, meet his eyes in the mirror, then, embarrassed, I look at the floor and mutter, "Why do you say stuff like that about me? If I'm so ugly, then why bother talking to me at all?"
"You are not ugly, Severus, don't be absurd! Why would you say that?"
Heart beating fast, I respond quietly, "You just said I look like a spider! I know I'm ugly! I know nobody will ever love me like Narcissa loves you, and that nobody will ever want me 'cause I'm stupid and I'm a failure and I'm ugly and and and and— " my breath hitches as tears start welling up in my eyes.
"Oh, Severus, what do I have to do to make you see sense? You look exotic, not ugly with those big, black eyes and thick, soft, silky dark hair! It's not every day you come across somebody with your features!" he says, standing up, walking over to me, and wiping a few tears off my cheeks.
"What about my nose? It's hooked, and I hate it!" I sniffle, looking in the mirror.
"Well, it has been broken a couple of times, hasn't it? And besides, your mother and uncle have Italian heritage, so it's not surprising you inherited that Roman nose like your uncle has, right?"
"I guess."
"You didn't get the waves, though," he says, stroking my hair.
"My dad's hair was always straight, like mine."
"Where was he from?"
"Edinburgh, but he moved to Cokeworth to work in the steel mill just a year before him and my mum met, I think. My grandpa worked in the coal mines in Edinburgh, but he died a couple years after I was born when a mine caved in, so I don't remember him."
"Did you ever get to meet your grandmother?"
"She died from lung cancer when I was real little, before the steel mill closed, but I got to meet her a few times. She was real nice. She made me my baby blanket! But anyways, you said I look like a spider!" I say, trying not to let him distract me from my argument.
Lucius laughs, and says, "Because you do! You never eat enough, so your legs have grown, but the rest of your body hasn't! And when you hunch like that, it makes your torso look even shorter than it already is! I am simply trying to help you, Severus. If you aren't told that you need to stand up straighter, you never will," but that wasn't what he had said originally, was it? I can't remember, "We need to get you a nice, well-bred girl."
The image of Evan in his tight gray t-shirt pops into my head, and embarrassed, I look down.
"Well? Have you met anybody at school that you like?"
I shake my head.
"I'm sure there are plenty of pretty girls in Potion's Club! Why don't you ask one of them out?"
"Maybe," I shrug my shoulders and hug myself, "but nobody would want to go out with me, so there's no point."
"There you go again— stop being silly! I'm sure plenty of girls would be thrilled if you asked them out! You're brave! Next time you go to Potion's Club, just pick one and ask her out! You could take her to The Three Broomsticks next time you go to Hogsmeade! I know you have some money from selling those potions over the summer, right?"
I shrug again, and say, "I do have some money saved up, but I don't know. It's getting close to exams, so I don't want to get distracted. Anyways, do I look okay?" I ask, trying my best to change the subject.
Lucius nods, "Perhaps you're right. You can ask somebody out after O.W.L's, or next year. I think I asked Narcissa out in my fifth year, but our families expected us to get together, so it wasn't difficult. And you look fine, but you need to stand up a bit straighter! I suppose the suit fits you as well as anything could. Now, take that off and hang it up nicely. Once you're dressed, we'll go down to the kitchen to get something to eat. You need to try to gain some weight— you're so stringy!"
I look up and down my body as I take the suit off again. As I pull my jeans back on, I notice the weird bruises on my hips and knees again, "How drunk did I get last night?" I ask, pointing to the bruises around my hips.
Lucius smirks at me, "I believe I may have slightly overestimated your drinking abilities."
"What are these from?"
"You got a little clumsy. I'm used to drinking with Rodolphus, Oliver, and my other friends who are around my age, so I suppose I just assumed you would be fine. I apologize," he sneers, not seeming sorry at all, "Would you like to get something to eat? You only ate about half of your breakfast this morning."
"I'm not hungry, I don't want anything. I have some stuff to do," I mutter.
"You are hungry, you do want something, and you don't have anything to do. Don't lie to me, Severus," with those words, he walks to the door, opens it, and waits for me to follow.
The next day is the wedding. I put on my suit and go to see Narcissa. While Bellatrix does Narcissa's hair, she puts some loose, natural waves in mine. I know her bridesmaids from school, too. One of them used to help me with my Transfiguration homework during my second year, so it's nice to catch up with them, too. When Narcissa's done, I thank her, and return to Lucius, Rodolphus, and Oliver.
"Are you excited?" I ask, "She looks beautiful!"
"Yes, a man ought to be excited for his wedding, I suppose, and I'm sure she does. Narcissa always looks beautiful," he replies.
"What's with that voice? Are you a little nervous to kiss the pretty lady?" I tease, playing with one of the buttons on my suit. Rodolphus and Oliver chuckle from their armchairs by the fire. Truth be told, I'm nervous as well. As one of Lucius' Groom's Men, I have to be part of the wedding, and I don't want to be seen in the new suit I have to wear for the wedding. Hand-tailored, it fits me too well for my liking. Lucius tried to help pad out the shoulders a little, but to no avail. Next to him and his friends, I look like a little boy playing dress-up.
"Of course not, don't be ridiculous," Lucius snaps, "And stop fidgeting with your suit. If you do that in church, I will be very unhappy with you. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Lucius. I'm sorry," I mumble, smile slipping off my face.
Sitting down, he angrily uncorks a bottle of red wine and pours four glasses.
I take mine, and retreat to the corner of the room to pick at the skin on my lips.
Startled out of my thoughts, I look up as Lucius grabs my arm and wine, sets my wine glass down on the coffee table, pulls me roughly back over to the couch, and throws me down, "Stop picking your lips, you'll get blood on your suit! And drink your wine."
I pick my wine back up and hug my knees to my chest, shoving myself into the corner of the couch, making myself as small as possible. Nervous, I take small sips of wine while I listen to Lucius, Rodolphus, and Oliver talk.
"Where are your earrings, kid? Last I saw, you had a whole bunch of them!" Rodolphus asks me.
I open my mouth to respond, but Lucius cuts me off, saying, "I told him to take them out for the wedding. They look terrible, and I don't need my relatives asking me why I assumed guardianship over such a trashy child, or why I'm letting him look like that. Honestly, I really should have made him take them out and leave them out when he came home with them over Christmas, then they would have closed up and he wouldn't have been able to put them in again."
"Will you be putting them back in after the wedding?" Oliver asks me.
Again, I open my mouth to speak, but Lucius says, "He does plan to, regrettably. If he was staying here, I'd take the earrings away, but he's going to stay with the Rosiers. I expressed my displeasure that he had gotten them done in the first place, and told him how absurd they look, but he's digging his heels in. I figure he'll take them out on his own once he realizes how trashy they are."
"Perhaps," Oliver muses, looking at me, "I remember I was pretty rebellious when I was, what, how old is he now? 16? Though I've never known him to be disobedient to you."
"He's just going through a phase," Rodolphus sighs, "Remember when we were 16 and got into my father's firewhiskey?"
Lucius laughs, "He wasn't very happy with us, was he?"
"Technically, we all have tattoos, too, don't we?" Oliver smirks.
I turn to Lucius, and exclaim, "You have a tattoo?!"
Lucius frowns at me, and says, "It's not just some trashy tattoo, Severus. Mind your own business."
"What's it of?" I ask, ignoring him.
"Don't worry about it."
"Where's it at?" I grin.
"Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you. Don't be a brat," Lucius says, a small smile playing around his lips.
"It's a little heart with his mum's name on it, and it's on his upper left arm, like a pirate," Rodolphus says.
"No it's not!" I giggle.
"Believe what you want," he shrugs, grinning.
"What's yours, then?" I ask.
"He's got a little daisy on his right ass cheek," Oliver snickers.
"And yours?" I ask Oliver.
"Mine's a happy little unicorn on my lower back!" he says.
"Sure it is," I laugh.
"Did you prepare your speech for the reception?" Oliver asks Rodolphus.
"Nah, I thought I'd wing it!" he says, sarcastically.
"Lucius would kill you," I giggle, glancing over at Lucius.
"You'd at least let me choose how I die, right, mate?" Rodolphus laughs.
Lucius grins at him, swirls his wine, takes a long sip, and sets his glass down, saying, "I suppose so, but I wouldn't want to get my hands dirty. I'm sure Severus has got a poison that could do the trick, though."
"Oh?" Rodolphus sneers at me.
I take another sip of wine. Feeling less nervous, I smirk nastily at Rodolphus, and, counting off on my fingers, I say, "Well, I've got one that burns holes through your stomach and intestines so that you'll die of internal bleeding, one that makes your blood coagulate like Russell viper venom, one that'll tear up your esophagus and make you throw up so much that it ruptures, and one that causes liver failure. That's my favorite, 'cause nobody would ever know you were poisoned unless they ran blood tests. I even improved it so you can put it into alcohol without it denaturing!"
His smile falters, and he glances at Lucius, "Does he know about this kid?"
Lucius nods curtly.
"Good. He's getting his mastery, I'm assuming?"
"Of course."
"And he doesn't know yet?" Oliver asks.
Lucius glances at me, then back to Oliver, says, "I'll tell him when he's older," and takes a long sip of wine.
I put my wine down, and ask, "Tell me what?"
Lucius laughs, pulling me across the couch into a headlock and ruffling my hair, "That you're the most inquisitive, impertinent little brat in the whole world!"
I giggle, and Rodolphus shakes his head, saying, "Well, I guess I'm in luck, since both Bellatrix and I prepared our speeches last night. I don't know if I particularly want my blood to coagulate tonight, but thank you for offering, kid."
"Of course! Anything I can do to help, just let me know!" I smile happily, wrap my fingers around Lucius' muscular forearm, and relax into his embrace.
With his other arm, Lucius picks up my wine glass and finishes it off.
"Hey!" I whine.
"You've had enough. You don't need to be drunk in church at my wedding," he laughs, "and anyways, it's about time for us to get going! I'm going to brush my teeth quickly, then we can head to the church. Severus, I want you to rinse your mouth out with some mouthwash."
He releases me from the headlock and I stand up. Yawning and stretching, I say, "Okay!"
The ceremony is beautiful, and during the reception, I try my hardest to socialize, but mostly I stick with Evan. He and his parents were invited because they're another old pureblood family. Whenever I catch a glimpse of Yaxley or Dolohov, I pull Evan away and disappear in the crowd— Lucius wouldn't like it if he knew I was being antisocial, but there's no way he'll find out that I'm avoiding those two. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I flinch.
"I'm glad to see you're being social"
"Lucius! You scared me!" I say, turning around and letting him give me a short hug. I glance at Evan. He's looking across the room at nothing.
"Are you enjoying yourself? I was glad to see that you ate some of the cake."
My heart skips, "Yeah, it was good!" I try to make myself sound chipper.
"Of course it was good! I wouldn't have anything but the best for my wedding!"
"Are you ready for your honeymoon? I'm excited to go to Evan's house tonight," I say, steering the conversation back to comfortable territory.
"Yes, I suppose so," he murmurs pensively, and takes a sip of champagne, "I'm glad you're going to spend the rest of your break with a friend. It'll be good for you two to hang out for a bit before going back to school. You're pretty close, right?"
"Yeah, we're pretty good friends," I smile, not looking at Lucius. I glance at Evan again. He shoots me a quick, terse smile, then goes back to staring across the room, "Narcissa is excited for the honeymoon. Her and Bella were talking about it earlier today. Are you excited, too?"
"She and Bella, Severus. And I think so, it'll be nice to spend some time with my wife. It feels odd to say, you know, my wife."
I glance up and smile at him. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything at all.
"You know your uncle Elliot is here, right?"
"What?!"
Lucius strokes my hair and says, "My parents and your grandparents know each other. It's only right we would have invited them. You know, they're an old family. Apparently they were ill and couldn't come, but Elliot and his wife were able to. She's expecting, so they weren't sure if they'd be able to make it."
"Where is he?!"
Lucius nods over towards the door of the reception hall. I follow his gaze to see a tall, thin man talking to Yaxley. He has the same hooked nose and dark, almost black hair as me, but his is wavy.
"Is he nice?" I ask.
Lucius shrugs, and says, "I suppose he's fine."
"Why didn't you introduce me to him?"
"Severus, the Princes disowned your mother. None of them want to meet you."
"Oh. That's fine, I guess. It's okay," I say, looking at my feet.
"You don't need him, anyways, do you? You have me, right?" Lucius purrs, ruffling my hair.
"Mm hmm," I mutter. I want to pull away from him, but I don't want him to be mad.
Suddenly seeing Narcissa, Lucius pats me on the back, and, leaving me alone again, quickly walks over to her.
I look at Evan, and see that he's glaring after Lucius.
"Hey!" I say, sidling over and nudging him with my elbow.
"Oh, sorry, Sev! Did you want to check in with my parents to see when they're planning on leaving? Then we can go get your stuff ready," he says, plastering a fake smile back onto his face.
"Yeah, sure. I'm excited to see your house!" I smile, and head off with Evan to find his parents. Once we've found them, they say we'll be here for at least another hour, but to go up to my room to get my stuff ready to go if I haven't already done so, then to come back down when we're done.
As we make our way towards the hallway that leads to the stairs, a strong hand grabs my shoulder. Looking up to see who the hand belongs to, my stomach seems to drop.
"Hello there, little Severus! What have you been up to today? Every time I see you, you seem to slip away before I can say hello!" Dolohov sneers down at me, tightening his grip on my shoulder and beginning to quickly pull me into the hallway away from the rest of the reception.
"Oh! I-I-I-I've just been hanging out with my friend! But we have to go soon!" I say, stumbling as I try to pull myself backwards and shake off his hand.
"You have to go soon? Where are you going? Why don't you come spend some time with me? I have so many questions to ask you," he purrs, digging his fingernails into my shoulder as he tightens his grip, still pulling me along, "and who knows, perhaps Corbin will want to join us!"
"We're going back to my house for the rest of break!" Evan says loudly from behind us.
Dolohov stops and slowly turns around. Still painfully gripping my shoulder, he turns me around as well, then puts his hand on my other shoulder, and, holding me next to him, he sneers, "And you are?"
"Rosier. Evan Rosier," Evan states, holding out his hand.
"Ah, Rosier! I've worked with your father before!" Dolohov's whole demeanor changes as he smiles and shakes Evan's hand. He takes his left hand off my shoulder, and I step back over to Evan, "It's wonderful to finally meet you in person. I've heard such good things about you, of course."
"Thank you, and it's good to meet you, too. Severus and I are just going to get ready to go to my house, but I'm sure we'll see you around!" Evan smiles, stepping so that he's just slightly in front of me.
"Of course! I wouldn't want to hold you two up. Have a good time, little Severus, and don't forget, I'm sure we'll see each other over the summer! I'm sure Corbin will want to see you as well, don't you think?" Dolohov says, smiling down at me like a cat about to play with their prey before eating it.
I don't say anything back to him. Instead, I shrug. I keep my eyes fixed on the floor as I walk away with Evan. As we round the corner, I look back to see Dolohov still staring after me. Yaxley has come up next to him, and he smiles at me. I shudder slightly, and walk a bit faster, leading Evan up to my bedroom.
When we get there, I throw the rest of the stuff I need for school into my trunk and sit down on the floor, leaning against the door and hugging my knees to my chest. I wish I could lock the door, but Lucius still hasn't fixed it to lock from the inside yet.
"Are you okay?" Evan asks quietly, sitting down next to me. He puts his arm around my shoulder and hugs me tight to his side.
"Yeah. I'm fine. Everything's fine," I murmur, leaning into his embrace, happy that Evan was there and that Dolohov and Yaxley couldn't do anything bad. I can't imagine what might have happened if I had gone away with Dolohov. It's hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes. I know I'm not allowed to fight back because Lucius always tells me to be good and to do what his friends want. Plus, I can't imagine trying to avoid going with Dolohov at Lucius' wedding reception! It would probably have caused a scene! I don't know, I'm just glad Evan was there so I didn't have to deal with whatever was about to happen.
"I didn't like the way Dolohov was dragging you away from everybody. What kind of questions did he have to ask you that he couldn't ask right there?"
I shrug, "He's always like that with me. Usually Lucius is there, though, so it's not as bad. Anyways, I've got my stuff ready. Do you wanna go back downstairs?"
"If you do. Or we can hang out here for a bit. It doesn't matter to me," Evan smiles at me.
"It's whatever you want!" I say, hoping he says he wants to hang out here.
"Okay! I brought my deck of cards if you want to play a couple of hands!"
"Sure! That sounds nice," I say, taking a deep breath and consciously relaxing my neck and shoulders.
After a few rounds of cards, we head back downstairs. I am careful to avoid Dolohov and Yaxley. While we wait for Evan's parents to be ready to leave, we run into Regulus, Rabastan, Joseph, and Clarence, and hang out with them for a little while, too.
When Evan's parents are ready to leave the reception, I bid Lucius and Narcissa goodnight, and take my stuff to Evan's house. I have only ever met them a few times before on Platform 9¾, so I feel a bit awkward going home with them. They tell me that they are happy Evan and I are such good friends. My stomach churns as I remember the way Evan's lips felt on mine, and I look over at Evan to see him grinning at me. Feeling a small blush creeping onto my cheeks, I look at the floor. After putting my trunk in Evan's room, I put my earrings back in. It's a little hard to get them all the way through, but I manage it in the end. We take a long walk around his neighborhood once we've changed out of our nice clothes. I tell him that someday he can visit my house and I'll show him the woods and teach him how to spot deer tracks. He says he'd like that, and squeezes my hand. When we get back to his house, Evan's parents make him practice his violin, and then we go to his room and play 7-Card Stud on his bed. We bet with carrots, celery sticks, and strawberries his mother had set out as a snack. He's gotten better since we played last time, and even beats me a few times, but I don't mind. When we're finished playing cards, Evan puts on his pajamas, and I put on my black sweatpants I got from the donation center a couple of summers ago. I go to put on my old sweater, but Evan throws me one of his sleep-shirts to wear instead. Even though his parents prepared a mattress for me on the floor, I hang out on Evan's bed to keep talking after we've brushed our teeth and washed our faces.
"Sev?" he yawns.
"Mmm?"
"I really like your ears pierced. It looks really good."
"Thanks! Lucius hates them, but I like them a lot."
"I'm glad he let you keep them. I know he's pretty controlling, isn't he?"
"I guess, but it's okay. He's got custody, so I reckon it's normal, right?" I murmur.
"I suppose so, but I don't know. Anyways, you look nice with your hair wavy, but I like it best when it's straight."
Smiling, I say, "Thanks! I don't really like it wavy that much, but Narcissa likes it wavy, so I just let her do what she wanted, especially since it was for her wedding. Mrs. Malfoy always says I look better with wavy hair, too. My mum said all the Princes have wavy hair, but I got my dad's straight hair. He was real tall and strong, too. He always said I'm too little and too weak."
"I don't think you're weak," Evan says quietly, "You might not be tall or have big muscles, but you've been through a lot, and you're still here. And you're super smart, and you're really good with spells, and potions, and you're funny, and cute— I mean," Evan shifts awkwardly on his pillow, "I just mean that you look nice. Especially with your earrings, and when you take care of yourself. Your hair is so soft, and you've got such big, dark eyes. And you're little, so I could pick you up if I needed to. You know, if you were in trouble, or something."
I shoot him a small, embarrassed smile,"Thanks, Evan. You're pretty cool, too."
"Yeah?"
I'm quiet for a second, not knowing what to say, then I mumble, "I like that you can pick me up. You're strong. You make me feel safe. You make me laugh even when I'm sad, and you're smart, too! You're real good at Transfiguration and Arithmancy! And— and you look nice, too."
Even in the darkness, I can tell that Evan's smiling as he says, "Thank you. I'm glad I make you feel safe," then, after a few quiet moments, he says, "What do you want to do after we graduate?"
"I dunno. I used to wanna be a healer or work in the lab at St. Mungo's, but I'm not sure anymore."
"Why? You'd be an amazing healer!"
"It just depends," I say, thinking of what Lucius would say. Would he support me? Would he think that I'd be an amazing healer, or would he scoff and say that there are better things I could be doing?
"I understand. I would love to be on a quidditch team, but it depends on where I'll be most successful," Evan nods understandingly, "and besides, if you're a healer, you'd have to deal with some pretty weird people!"
"That's true! Once when I was at St. Mungo's, there was a guy with a cursed fork that wouldn't stop stabbing him!" I laugh, remembering the scene fondly.
"That's hilarious!"
"I know! I think it's so interesting, the curses people come up with, you know?"
"Yeah! You've come up with some pretty cool ones yourself, though! How did you figure out Sectumsempra?"
"I lied to Slughorn about needing to go to the restricted section to study seventh year potions for Potions Club, and I read about curses there, then when I was at the manor over the summer, I combined some different Latin words. Once we got back to school, I messed around with them a bit and that just ended up working best."
"Merlin, Sev, you're amazing."
"No I'm not," I say.
"I just got through telling you all sorts of things I like about you! Did you already forget?"
"No," I mumble, "it's just hard for me. My whole life I've been told that I'm stupid, and ugly, and that everything is my fault" I want him to wrap me up in his arms and hold me, but I shouldn't, "It's hard not to believe those things when that's what I've been told all my life, you know?"
Evan reaches out and grabs my hand. I start to pull away, but then I make myself relax. How could it be wrong if it feels so right? He murmurs, "Your father's dead, and Potter and Black don't know what they're talking about. They're the ones who are ugly and stupid, not you."
"Thanks," I sniff.
He squeezes my hand, and says, "Why don't you tell me a little bit about Lucius' colleagues? I know you got to meet them last summer, and I saw that you're friendly with Rodolphus and Jugson! I know they think you're pretty cool, right?"
I remember Dolohov whispering in my ear, calling me a slut and telling me how lovely my screams would sound. I remember how Yaxley always had me sit with him whenever he came over to the manor. I shiver, and say, "Rodolphus and Oliver are okay, but I don't wanna talk about Yaxley and Dolohov and them."
"Yeah, Dolohov seemed a little weird, but I don't know. And Yaxley works at the ministry in the department next to my dad's! My dad always says he's a really hard worker! What's he like?"
"I said I don't wanna talk about it," I mumble, pulling my hand away from his.
"Why?"
"I just don't!" I snap.
"Sev?"
"Sorry," I mumble.
"No, I'm sorry. You said you didn't want to talk about it, so I shouldn't have kept asking. May I give you a hug? Please?" he says gently.
"Sure," I murmur, and sit up tiredly.
He smiles softly, and grabs my arm, then pulls me down next to him, and whispers, "Turn around."
Feeling awkward, I turn around so that my back is towards Evan. He wraps his arm around my skinny torso, and pulls me in close so that my back is pressed against his stomach. I take a deep breath, and relax my muscles. Evan covers us both up with the blanket, and holds me tight. As I drift off to sleep, maybe I imagine it, but I think I feel Evan kiss the top of my head.
When I wake up in the morning, Evan's arm is still around me, and I realize I must have fallen asleep cuddling with him. I know I should pull away, but I don't. Instead, I snuggle in closer to him. He sighs, and holds me tighter. We don't even move until his parents knock on the door to wake us up for church.
For the rest of Easter break, we spend every evening the same way. Evan practices his violin, we get ready for bed, then hang out on his bed playing cards and talking until, exhausted, we curl up under the blankets together and fall asleep. On the morning we are supposed to leave to go back to school, Evan holds me extra tight.