They aren't safe while we're here.
"Tell me something I don't know," Lily told the mirror. She pulled the string closer to her ear, hoping that would be enough to tune herself out.
It's only a matter of time before-
"Shut up, or I'll smash you," Lily said a bit louder. "The Order's coming up, and I want to hear what they're saying."
They don't trust us, or they would have allowed us inside.
"Oh, be quiet, would you? I think I hear Sirius."
Your father cares not for you.
Lily rubbed at her prickling scar and pulled the wire back to her ear. She'd found her Extendable Ear prototype in one of her drawers, stuck inside a box of broken quills (and why she kept those, she had no idea). It sounded a bit tinnier than it had before, but it otherwise still worked. The Weasleys had put her up in her old room, which just happened to have a window station directly above the Order's new cellar meeting place. Every day, Order members were coming and going, and Lily was taking great advantage of the situation. Her window was at the foot of her bed, so she'd lay on it backwards (resting her feet on her pillows), open the window a crack, and see what she could learn. She couldn't hear anything from the cellar itself, but she could get snippets as they entered or emerged, and sometimes she could get full conversations when a few members stayed directly at the entrance.
And she'd learned quite a bit. It seemed her burning down of the Malfoy Manor was causing a major ruckus. Lucius Malfoy was claiming an accident brewing a potion caused the incident and also resulted in the death of his new wife (which the Order couldn't currently disprove, as Bertha Jorkins was refusing to show her face from wherever they'd hidden her). But that didn't explain all the injured people that emerged from his home, let alone the fact that his hand had clearly been severed by a dark curse. The worst part of it (for him, at least) were four specific people: the Carrows, who Lily had fought directly under the attic, as well as Mulciber and Jugson, who she'd gotten in the ballroom. They'd all been taken to St. Mungo's after being found abandoned in the woods and highly dangerous, and the press were having a field day with it. Lily framed those back to back issues of the Daily Prophet and currently had them hanging above her desk. She looked at them, now, smiling at the headlines.
MALFOY MANOR BURNS:
LUCIUS MALFOY A DARK WIZARD?
In addition to-
MASS BREAKOUT AT AZKABAN PRISON!
WHAT ELSE IS FUDGE HIDING?
If Lily had just sent Lucius Malfoy to St. Mungo's, they may have gotten away with his little explanation. But four escapees from Azkaban, when Fudge had yet to tell anyone that anybody had escaped, all brought in on the same day, wearing Death Eater robes, and bearing similar wounds? Well, even Lily would have put those pieces together. She wasn't surprised the Prophet finally managed to get a clue.
Unfortunately, the next two Prophet headlines hadn't been as promising. She'd expected to see acknowledgement of the Dark Lord's return, at the very least. What she hadn't been expecting was-
A NEW DARK LORD RISES:
FUDGE TO BE GIVEN EMERGENCY POWERS
In addition to-
HOGWARTS FALLS APART:
DOLORES UMBRIDGE TO BE NAMED HIGH INQUISITOR
Those baffled Lily when she'd read them, and the articles weren't much better. The first was a load of political machinations that went far above her head. She probably wouldn't have understood anything at all, if she hadn't been listening in on all these little Order meetings.
"-Scrimgeour's out," she'd heard Kingsley whispering to Moody on their way in Monday evening. "Tendered his resignation this morning."
"Why's that?" Moody asked.
"Said he can't ignore it anymore. Voldemort's back, and he wants to-"
"Shh. Potter's near her window again."
She'd sworn at him, then, making sure her lips were facing outwards so he could read them, but she'd heard no more. The rest she'd had to infer from the next conversation, that one between Ashley and Sirius (who seemed to be talking louder, and lingered outside the cellar longer than they reasonably should have).
"Bones has had it," Ashley said. "She called a Wizengamot council to oust Fudge under a vote of no confidence, but he got to them first."
"How's that?"
"Still has loads of friends, I suppose. That, and Lucius Malfoy likely managed to bribe a few from his hospital bed. They waited for Bones to be away and then called an emergency session, using Scrimgeour's testimony of a 'Dark Lord' having returned."
"So, they know Voldemort's back, do they?"
"Unofficially? Yes," Ashley said, but Lily could practically hear the grimace in her voice. "Officially? No. Fudge has made it clear that even hinting otherwise is grounds to be sacked and arrested."
"What? How's he think he's going to-"
"Well," Ashley said, and by the way her voice quieted, Lily could tell she was leaning in closer. "That's the session Bones missed out on. They granted Fudge emergency wartime powers, and he's using them to quash anyone who's saying there even is a war. Dumbledore came to speak with him, afterwards, and they had a big row, so now he's in hot water, too, so Fudge has sicced that little-"
"Oi!" Tonks shouted from the cellar entrance. "You two coming, or do you need a little privacy?"
"Yeah, yeah," Sirius said, and then all she could hear was the sound of distant clucking from the chickens roaming around the field, just as it was now.
Lily sighed and pulled her extendable ear back up, keeping it ready at her side for when the Order came back up. There was no point in keeping it hanging outside if she wasn't going to get anything from it. None of this would be necessary if they'd just tell her what was going on. There was just so much she didn't understand- how was Fudge keeping his powers if he refused to acknowledge there was a war? Why was he insisting on tighter regulations on Hogwarts? What was Voldemort doing? And why wouldn't anybody tell her any of these things? She tried waiting outside of the cellar and sneaking her ear down the stairs once before, but Moody had seen her at it with that magical eye of his and sent her packing.
They do not trust you, the mirror said.
"What did I say about talking?" Lily asked, but her mad mind might have a point.
Did Snape tell them? she wondered, rubbing at her Dark Mark. She hadn't felt a single thing through it since she broke out, but her scar wouldn't stop prickling.
We're better off on our own.
"Oh, shut up," Lily said, and she tossed the bundled up ear at the mirror. "I'm getting real sick of you."
We are all we have.
"Yeah, yeah," Lily grumbled, and she used her wand to levitate the pillows under her feet down towards her face. She rested her head on one of them and pulled the top one over her eyes and ears, blocking out the world around her. The coolness of the cloth settled the tingling in her scar just a bit. She didn't remember drifting off to sleep, nor had she really meant to. All she wanted was a bit of peace and quiet.
She was at the Burrow, but it was on fire, the chickens slaughtered all around her. She was wearing her Death Eater robes, staring into the flames, a large snake coiled around her shoulders. She could feel the coolness of its scales under her pale fingers when she stroked its head. She let out a low chuckle as part of the crooked building collapsed inwards, the thick, black smoke climbing from the wreckage up towards the night sky, where a great, green skull was hanging over the moon.
"Master," a Death Eater said, kneeling at her feet. "It is done." Her voice- it was so familiar-
"Excellent, Parkinson," Lily said, scratching the snake under its chin. "And we've found the Mudblood, too?"
"Yes, Master. She was trying to flee, towards the village. We slew the parents, as you asked, but the girl has been kept for your pleasure. She's waiting for you in your chambers."
"Excellent," Lily said, laughing again. "See that Granger is made to my liking- her blood may be dirt, but I want her skin rubbed raw. I abhor the taste of mud."
"It will be done, Master," and then Parkinson was leaving.
"Patience, Nagini," Lily said, stroking the snake's head once more when the great serpent tried to leave her shoulders. "You will have your meal once I have had my own fill. The harlot can wait. I am enjoying my music."
She felt the snake's forked tongue lash against her fingers. She smiled, pat it on the head, and turned her eyes back to the fire. She breathed in deeply, enjoying the sound of the screams coming from inside the house. Ginny was screaming the loudest, pleading for somebody to come help her. Lily could hear her pounding on the wall, trying to get out, desperate for air, for- for- the pounding was- it was-
Lily bolted upright, her right hand clamping down over her scar. The cold, numb fingers felt just as good as the pillow had but did little to settle the pulsing pain rattling through her skull. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. It was just a nightmare. That was all it was. It didn't matter if she could still hear Ginny's screaming, it was just- just-
Wait, why was Ginny screaming? She was just starting to swing her legs over the edge of her bed, her heart beating quickly and her wand gripped in her hand, when someone knocked on her door again.
The pounding, she realised. That was real, too. She hopped up and ran to the door, yanking it open, wand at the ready.
"Ron," she said, stepping into the hall, wand raised in front of her as she scanned up and down the steep, slanted stairway. "What's happening? Is Ginny hurt?"
"What are you on about?" Ron said, his face crinkled in confusion. "You alright mate?"
"Ron, please, Ginny is-"
"Ginny's alright," Ron said, and Lily noticed it wasn't really screaming- it was- more like- "She's just excited because Fred and George brought her a Pygmy Puff from their shop."
"A Pygmy Puff?" Lily said, wand lowering slightly. "Their shop?" Ron was holding a chess set. Why was he-
"Yeah," Ron said, still looking at her as if he was afraid she'd hit him if he said the wrong thing. "Mum's having a fit." He shook the chessboard he was holding, and the living pieces a top of it screamed and struggled to keep in their places. "Thought we'd have a few games, just to drown out the noise. Want to?"
Lily glanced back downstairs. When she breathed out, she could have sworn she saw steam in her breath, and her skin felt hot all over. It had just been a dream. That was all. She could hear Mrs. Weasley shouting, now, although the words were indecipherable over Ginny's excited squealing. A glance back in her room showed her that it was past noon- and well past, at that. How long had she been asleep? By the deep, weary ache in her bones, it couldn't have been that long.
"Just a dream," Lily muttered to herself, rubbing at her scar again, her wand hand drooped at her side. "That's all it was."
"Come again, mate?"
"Nothing," Lily said, tucking her wand away into the sleeve of her sweater. "Let's have a game."
Lily stepped inside first, and Ron lingered outside, looking like he was torn between following her and running away. Lily took his moment of hesitation to scoop her extendable ear off the floor and hide it away in her desk.
"You said something about a shop?" Lily asked, tucking some hair behind her ear and wiping some of the now-cold sweat from her forehead. She felt clammy all over.
"Yeah," Ron said, speaking very slowly. "Fred and George said they've opened one, to sell all those items they've been working on."
"And they didn't think to tell me?" Lily said, slamming the desk drawer shut. What was the point of bankrolling them if they weren't going to tell her what their plans were?
"How?" Ron said. "You haven't been answering anyone's letters since you got back, and they only just got out of the hospital today."
"They could have told me before," Lily said. "When- when-"
"When you were a hostage?"
Lily clenched her jaw, wishing she hadn't put her wand away so she could break something. Her blood was beginning to heat again, and she wanted an outlet for it very badly. Ron seemed to think she might have made him a good target, by the way he stepped backwards slightly when her eyes happened to lock on him.
He is scared of us, the mirror said as Lily took a seat on the floor.
"Come on," she said, patting the ground in front of her.
"Hermione says you haven't been answering her letters, either," he said, still in the threshold.
Lily hadn't even been reading them- from anybody- but he was still right. Hermione wasn't the only one, either. Aside from Fred and George, as well as Neville and Sae, Mandy Brocklehurst was sending about three letters a day, and Lily hadn't so much as looked at a single one of them. They were all stacked on her desk in the corner, along with Hermione's and every issue of the Quibbler she'd missed.
All except for the one that Ron had kept from her two mornings ago, anyway. He'd gotten to the window, first, and almost spat out his tea upon seeing the cover. All Lily had seen was a bunch of white before he'd gone straight into the sitting room and tossed it into the fire before she could so much as ask if it was even for her. Her eyes found the bandage around his left forearm, from where her hex had gotten him, and her blood began to cool again.
They're all in danger, so long as we're here.
"Shut up," Lily mumbled, rubbing at her scar again.
Mrs. Weasley hadn't been able to heal it completely. None of the Order had, for that matter. Sirius threatened to confiscate her broom, too, as he already had done her map (although that it had been for an entirely different reason), and Lily had made the impulse decision to destroy it before it could be taken from her. She still very much regretted that one. She had all the broken twigs and the snapped handle sitting in the corner of her room. She'd been hoping to fix it, but it was well beyond that. She'd have to get a new one before the Quidditch season started.
We won't be allowed to play. They'll find a way to take that from us, too.
"You coming or not?" Lily said, shuffling along the floor until her back was facing the mirror. Maybe that would get it to shut up for a bit.
Ron seemed to be the one that couldn't find anything to say, but she supposed sitting in silence and playing chess was better than sitting around with nothing but her thoughts (and madness) to accompany her. At least the mirror wasn't trying to tell her what moves to make, like her pieces were. She couldn't help but feel like her own pawns weren't very eager to march to their dooms, as they all screamed and shouted every time she moved them out. Ron's were content to wait patiently for his commands and even went so far as saluting him every time he gave an order. They were five games in when Lily couldn't stand it anymore and finally said the first word (other than 'check,' 'mate,' or anything the mirror kept trying to tell her, anyway).
"So," she said, moving her knight to take his bishop.
"So?" Ron repeated, moving his queen in to take hers. That was a blunder, for sure, but not on his end.
"I don't know," Lily said, sighing and moving her castle out of danger. That just left her other knight open, and Ron was more than happy to take it. "I was hoping I'd come up with something. What's- err- how's it going?"
"'s alright," Ron said, shrugging and moving his Queen further in. "Check."
Lily swore and moved her King out of danger. "Heard from Neville, lately?" She certainly had, although she technically hadn't read any of it.
"Yeah, actually," Ron said, moving a pawn forward. "He said Padma broke up with him. Check."
Lily swore and moved again, then took a moment to process what she'd heard. "He was seeing Padma?"
"Since the Yule Ball, yeah," Ron said, scratching the side of his nose. "But- well, she called him boring in her letter, apparently. Check."
"Merlin- have some mercy, would you?"
"You'll never get better if I take it easy on you. Check."
"Nev's not boring," Lily said, taking a deep breath when her breath steamed in front of her. It's only chess, she thought. Don't ruin this.
"Well, he can be," Ron said, scratching his nose again, his eyes fixed firmly on the chessboard. "He just got a new plant in- check- some sort of tree, I think? Anyway, that's all he's been writing to me about since he got it, so I'm sure she was getting the same. Probably just couldn't stand it anymore. Can't say I blame her, but she could have at least waited until Hogwarts. Check."
"You piece of-" Lily said, letting out another puff of steam. Not now. Don't do it. "I- I didn't even know they'd gone to the Ball together."
"Who did you think he went with? Check." Lily was now down to only three pieces.
"I don't know. I- I never thought about it."
"Checkmate," Ron said, sliding his queen into place, a little smile curling at the edges of his lips. "Want to go again?"
Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It's just chess. Please don't get mad. He's just trying to be our friend, like normal.
He's using us for something, the mirror said from behind. He's biding his time and waiting.
"Shut up," Lily mumbled.
"Sorry?"
"Not you," Lily said, sighing and sliding over the few pieces she'd manage to take. "Let's go again." They fell back into a silence while they put the board back in order- but only briefly.
He's trying to be our friend, Lily thought, chewing the inside of her lip. The mirror is wrong.
"I'm sorry," she said, sighing.
"About what?" Ron asked, giving her a curious look.
"I never asked either of you who you were going to the ball with," Lily said, putting a pawn in line. "It never even occurred to me to ask."
"Well, you did have a lot going on, didn't you?" Ron said. "I mean, Katie had just been abducted, hadn't she?"
"Maybe," Lily said with a shrug. "But that was only right before the Ball. I still could have asked. I still should have."
"And you'd just been outed by Skeeter, too," Ron added, forcing his king back onto his throne when he'd gotten off of it to stretch. "Nobody's blaming you for not asking, Lily."
"But I should have," Lily said again, setting her queen down perhaps a bit too hard, as she straightened her crown on her head and made a very rude gesture at Lily. "I had ages to ask, and I never did. I never even noticed Neville had a girlfriend."
"Mate, it's fine, it's-"
"It's not fine," Lily snapped, clanking down three pawns at once. "I should have asked. I've been a lousy friend."
"Lily-"
"And who'd you go with, anyway?" Lily asked, and, finally, after Ron flinched away, she realised she'd been shouting. She took another deep breath, opening and closing her left hand into a fist, and closed her eyes.
Stop it. Don't get angry.
"Sorry," she said again, a bit calmer this time. She put her last piece in place. "You're wrong, though. I'm rubbish at this."
"What, chess?"
"No," Lily said, gesturing at the boy. "At this. At everything. At being alive, I guess."
"It's alright, mate," Ron said, smiling a bit nervously.
He has no idea what to say, Lily realised. She supposed she didn't blame him, since she was just as lost, but she wished that he had.
"It's not," Lily said insistently. "Make your move, will you?"
"You're white. You go first."
"Yeah, but I need more time to think."
"Here, then," Ron said, rotating the board around so that Lily was sitting in front of the black pieces. Ron's once disciplined and well-organised army at once began to scream in horror, while Lily's former battalion gave a hearty cheer. Ron lifted a pawn on the right side of the board and moved it two spaces forward. Lily was more than happy to let things to back into silence, until-
He is up to something. We need to be careful.
"Not up to nothing," Lily mumbled. "It's just chess."
"What was that, mate?"
"Nothing," Lily said, moving her own pawn in response. "Who'd you go with, then? To the ball, I mean."
"Eva Appelbaum," Ron said, moving a knight past the front lines. "And before you ask, no, I'm not still seeing her. I sort of messed that up by spending the entire Ball looking for- err-"
Me, Lily thought. She clenched her jaw and then hesitated when reaching for her bishop when she noticed its robes were beginning to smoulder. That was interesting, considering they were made of painted ivory. Don't get angry. Just don't.
"She cute?" Lily asked, flexing her hand a couple of times before reaching in to make her move.
"Merlin, yes," Ron said, sounding more excited and moving the same knight again to take the first of Lily's pawns. "Honestly, I was lucky she said yes, but- ah, it doesn't matter. Now I can't even get her to play me when I go to chess club. I'll sit down across from her, and she'll pick up the entire board and go across the room."
Lily shrugged. "All you did was constantly worry about another girl while on a date. Don't see what she's so mad about, really. I've done worse."
"So you would have been happy, then?"
"Oh, Merlin, no. I wouldn't have ever talked to you again."
And we shouldn't be, the mirror said. He's not safe around us.
"Shut up," Lily mumbled again.
"Sorry," Ron said, his ears turning red.
"Not you," Lily said again, and she moved her knight.
"Listen," Ron said after a few more moves. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."
As I said, the mirror said smugly. He wants something of us.
"Go ahead," Lily said, trying not to grind her teeth.
"Whatever you're planning on doing about You-Know-Who, I want in," Ron said. "Just leave Gin out of it, yeah? I told her she's too young, but she won't-"
"I'm not planning on doing anything," Lily said, moving her queen onto the board with a hard thunk.
"What do you mean?" Ron asked, moving his own queen to take her castle.
"Exactly what I said," Lily said, swiping her queen quickly across the tiles to steal his bishop.
"But we can't just-"
"Drop it."
"But-"
"I said drop it," she said, and she tossed the pawn she'd just taken right at his big, fat nose. "I can't do anything, even if I wanted to. We can't beat Voldemort."
"But you burned down the manor!" Ron said.
"Because he wasn't there," Lily said. "If he had been, they all would have died, and I'd be no better off than I was. Coming after me was the stupidest thing anyone could have done."
"Are you saying we should have left you in there?"
"Why not? What's changed, other than a lack of torture? They wouldn't let me fly my bloody broom without twenty Order members on standby," she said, and her eyes darted to the ruined remains of her Firebolt again. "I can't have one meal downstairs without your mother treating me like a fragile toddler," she added, flexing her fingers again. "I can't even play one lousy game of chess without you bothering me."
"I wasn't trying to bother you," Ron said, "I only- we can't just do nothing, can we? It's only a matter of time before he comes after you again, we should have some idea of-"
"Just shut up, Ron," Lily said, and this time she really did mean him. "If you want to go getting yourself killed, go right ahead, but I've had enough of it. The instant he finds me, it's all over. He'll have me again, and- and he'll make me-"
Lily closed her eyes and breathed again, but it wasn't helping anymore. All she could picture was- was-
They aren't safe around us, the mirror said. You know what he'll make us do. We should leave, now.
"Lily," Ron said very hesitantly. "Do you want to- to talk about something?"
"No," Lily said very firmly, taking another breath. "I'm fine."
"Mate, you're not fine."
"Mind your own business."
"Lily, really. If you want, we could sneak down to the village, have a couple of pints. Fred and George told me about this pub that-"
"Did you listen to a single thing I said?" Lily snapped. "Or are you too stupid for that much? I can't go anywhere. I'm stuck here until the Order decides if they want to kill me or lock me away. I just wish they'd get it over with, because the waiting is making my barmy."
"They're not going to kill you," Ron said, "they just-"
"They'd be better off doing so," Lily said. "Everybody would be better off if I'd just thrown myself off that stupid tower in third year. I never should have let Lupin stop me."
Ron now looked thoroughly uncomfortable, in addition to lost for words. He started reaching out, perhaps to grab her shoulder, but Lily swotted his hand away.
"Just go," Lily said, gesturing at the board. "Leave me alone. You already won anyway."
"Lily-"
"Just go," Lily said, and she tossed another piece at him (this time one of her bishops).
"I'm not going anywhere," Ron said, crossing his arms as Lily threw a knight next.
"Ron, don't make me hex you," Lily said, and this time she pulled her wand out of her sleeve.
"I can take a few hexes," Ron said stubbornly, and he held up his bandaged arm. "Have been so far, haven't I?"
Lily worked her jaw back and forth, her teeth grinding audible.
"Then maybe I'll-"
But not even Lily got to find out what she'd do, because at that moment, her door opened without so much as a single knock to accompany it.
Lily turned her head, her wand following her vision, only to find the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen coming over the threshold. She had short, curly, brown hair, with warm eyes of the shame shade to accompany it. She had overly large front teeth that brightened the room the instant she smiled. And, most importantly, she was wearing a two piece, maroon suit jacket, with a pair of very well fitting trousers of the same colour. The jacket itself was left open, so that the white shirt and black tie she wore underneath were visible. If asked, Lily might have said her belt was brown or black, but the truth of the matter was that she never even noticed if there was one. Her brain was too busy melting down to commit all the details to memory.
"Merlin, is it good to be free," Hermione said, kicking her heels straight off after dropping her bag onto the ground near the door. "You will not believe what Percy had me doing today." Her suit jacket slipped to the ground, and Hermione ran a hand around her neck to loosen her shirt collar, her other hand undoing her tie. Lily watched as Hermione let it slip and fall to the floor.
"What's that prat up to?" Ron asked. He sounded happy to not have Lily focused on yelling at him, as she was now too busy staring openly at Hermione.
"Oh!" Hermione said, squeaking a bit and lowering her hands back to her side (as they'd just been about to start unbuttoning her shirt). "Hello, Ronald."
"You still won't call me Ron?"
"Err- what are you doing in here?"
"I should be asking you that. It's my house."
"I was invited!" Hermione said, her cheeks a bit pink. "We're having a party. What are you doing here?"
"Chess," Ron said, gesturing to the board in front of him. "What's Percy up to?"
"Oh, nothing," Hermione said, her fingers self-consciously redoing the top button of her shirt. Her eyes darted towards Lily, and then back to Ron. "Just loads of paperwork, even though he knew it was my final day and that I really had to get going. He almost cried when I was heading out the door." She walked very nearby as he crossed the room, her fingers just barely nudging Lily's hand as she passed. Lily swallowed.
"Perce?" Ron asked, mouth hanging open. "Cry? No, never!"
"Oh, yes!" Hermione said, sitting on Lily's bed far enough that her feet dangled instead of touching the floor. "Honestly, he's been very stressed, lately. Last night, he never even left the office. I found him sleeping at his desk when I came in this morning!"
"Well, serves him right," Ron said, sounding odd.
"I had to promise I'd come back next year," Hermione said, pulling her stocking off her right leg. "Even though I don't think I want to join the Ministry anymore, if I'm being honest. It's just so difficult to get anyone to listen to you when you're- err- Lily? Are you alright?"
"Yeah," Lily said, her voice stupid and thick.
"Why are you staring at me?"
"Dunno," Lily said. Her heart was beating so quickly, too. She couldn't take her eyes off the trousers Hermione was wearing. "Do you- err- always wear a suit to work?"
"Err- yes? Do you- do like it?" Hermione sounded very strange as she spoke. She crossed her legs, one of her feet bouncing in the air. Her left leg was still wearing its stocking, Lily noticed. Hermione seemed to, as well, as she seemed a bit self-conscious as she started pulling it off, too.
"Yeah," Lily managed to say finally. She heard Ron snigger behind her. "You look brilliant." Lily really felt like she was underselling it, but her brain was still having a hard time working for some reason. She could just see the hint of Hermione's neckline under her collar, and she couldn't stop glancing at it. Her skin was feeling warm again, although most definitely not from anger this time.
"Well, Percy didn't like me doing it," Hermione said with a sniff. Lily couldn't help but notice her cheeks were pink again, nor that the flush was slowly creeping down towards the neck that she still couldn't stop looking at. "He thought it was too Muggle. So, I kept wearing them out of spite. Listen, Ron- don't smile at me, you wanted me to call you that- you mind giving us the room? I really need to change out of these clothes, mum's downstairs waiting for me."
"Yeah, alright," Ron said after a moment's pause, standing and lifting his chessboard.
Only when he was gone out of the room did Hermione hop back to her feet and resume her undressing. She stood in front of Lily's mirror, her eyes turned up at the ceiling as her fingers worked their way down her chest. She seemed hesitant to remove it completely when she got to the bottom, and Lily realised that she was probably concerned with the fact that Lily was still openly staring. She was just about to turn away to give Hermione some privacy, her own cheeks starting to burn, when Hermione seemed to make up her mind and pulled the shirt away from her smooth shoulders.
"Almost gave me a heart attack," she said, tossing her removed shirt straight at Lily. "What are you doing bringing him in here for?"
"We were just playing chess," Lily said. Hermione's bra was turquoise, and Lily felt like it really complimented her pale skin.
Lily swallowed, wondering why on earth she couldn't stop thinking about Hermione's skin and how soft it must feel. Well, she knew why, but she wanted to know why she couldn't stop, as this wasn't at all how best friends were supposed to think about each other.
She tried to focus on other things, and completely failed when the light caught the faint hint of scars across Hermione's stomach, gained in their third year. She had similar ones on her face, but they were so light that you could only really see them if you knew where to look, and she usually put foundation over them, anyway, so that they weren't visible at all. Lily tried to find those, next, only to notice that Hermione was smiling very smugly and staring straight at her in the mirror.
"Yes, well," Hermione said, kicking her trousers off, next, "you could have at least given a girl a warning." Either her legs had gotten stuck, or Hermione was trying to give her a show by bending over. Regardless, Lily finally managed to do the right thing and tear her eyes away, but only after noticing that Hermione was wearing matching colours. "The last thing I need is Ron accidentally ogling something he shouldn't ever be seeing." She said his name very strangely, and Lily failed to place the tone.
"But I'm alright?" She said, her mouth incredibly dry. Clearing it didn't seem to help any.
"As a matter of fact, yes," Hermione said oddly. Lily expected her to mention that they'd changed in front of each other plenty of times, and even walked in on each other when the other was fully nude after a shower or bath. Instead, that was where the explanation ended, as Hermione said nothing more as she dressed in a far-too-large t-shirt and pulled on a spare pair of Lily's athletic shorts.
"Oi," Lily said. "You brought your own shirt, but not bottoms?"
"Oh, shut up," Hermione said, picking her business trousers off the ground and tossing them at Lily, too. "Your stuff is just more comfortable."
"Is that right?" Lily said, plucking Hermione's clothes off her face and laying down on the floor, arms behind her head. Her heart was still beating far too quickly, and Gwenog Jones winking at her from her ceiling didn't really seem to help any.
"As a matter of fact, yes," Hermione said, surprising Lily even further when she plopped straight down onto the floor next to her. "I thought that was something any girl knew."
"What do you mean?" Lily asked, turning her head so that her cheek was pressed against the floor. Hermione shuffled closer until their arms were touching.
"Nothing is more comfortable than wearing the clothes of someone special to you," Hermione said, trailing a hand up Lily's clothed forearm.
"Well, that doesn't really seem fair," Lily said, trying to ignore the feeling. "You're a lot smaller than I am."
"Well," Hermione said, rolling to her side and propping her head up with her elbow, her other hand now moving to trail gently along Lily's stomach. "It's a good thing you have the supernatural ability to change size and shape."
"I- err-"
"Did you really like my suit?" Hermione said, leaning in very close.
"Yeah," Lily said in a thick voice. Hermione's eyes were so- so brown and- and warm and- and Lily was having a hard time thinking of other ways to describe them because they wouldn't stop staring at her.
"Well," Hermione said, and her hand toyed with the end of the t-shirt Lily was wearing under her sweater (which Hermione had somehow managed to roll up slightly while Lily wasn't paying attention). "Maybe I'll have to bring them to Hogwarts with me. Listen. As much as I'd like to continue this moment, I need to tell you something, first. Then you can tell me all about how much you like my suits. Maybe I'll even put on another one, if you're lucky."
"Yeah?" Lily said, still entirely focused on how Hermione wanted to continue, and how her fingers had now rolled up Lily's t-shirt, too, and were now dragging their nails softly on the smooth skin of Lily's tummy. They were painted red, Lily noticed, like strawberries.
"I ran into somebody on the way out of the office, and they told me to bring an offer to you."
Lily could smell her perfume- roses? No, lavender- no, definitely fruity- it couldn't actually be strawberries, could it? No, it definitely was! It matched her- her-
"An offer?" Lily said, her brain so very, very sluggish, her eyes so very, very focused on the lipstick Hermione was wearing. "For what?"
"Rita Skeeter wants to meet with you," Hermione said.
Lily wondered what they would taste like. Would it be like strawberry, too? She imagined it would be minty, since she could smell it on Hermione's breath. If she wanted to, she could just lean in and- and-
"Skeeter?" Lily said, quickly sitting up. "What the fuck does she want?"
"Language, Lily," Hermione said, adding before Lily could argue, "don't! She came up to me at work- she was there to interview Allias Finch about something- and asked me to arrange something with you."
"And why would she go to you when she wants me?" Lily said, and she started to stand, shaking Hermione's hand off her arm when she tried to stop her. "Merlin, why would I want to meet with her at all? Is she mad?"
"Lily," Hermione said patiently, sighing and sitting up, her legs crossed in front of her. "Everybody knows what we are."
"What we are?" Lily asked, a bit of hope flaring up in her heart in defiance of the boiling of her blood.
"Everybody knows we're friends, Lily," Hermione said, and Lily's ego deflated a bit. "She heard me testify in your defense, too, at your trial. Do you want to meet with her or not, because I'm supposed to write her back with a time so-"
"Absolutely not," Lily said at once.
"Just think about it for more than a second, Lily," Hermione said. "She could help you, really- and if she wanted to print something nasty about you, she already would have. We should at least hear her out."
Lily opened her mouth to refuse again.
We should use her, the mirror said, and Lily almost jumped out of her skin. She'd quite forgotten the mirror was even an issue, with how nice her little time with Hermione had been. If the woman can give us an advantage, we should take it.
Lily chewed on that for a moment. Her first instinct was to refuse, but, well- she'd wanted this, hadn't she? Wasn't that the entire point of blackmailing her in the first place?
"When?" Lily asked, rubbing at her prickling scar.
"First Hogsmeade weekend," Hermione said happily. "I told her I'd only allow it if your marks were satisfactory, though."
"You'd allow it?"
"Yes," Hermione said with a nod. "We've got a lot of ground to cover. We've got OWLs! We should have already been studying ages ago. I've got schedules already drawn up for us, though, and I've copied over all of my notes from previous years onto cards, so I can drill you during breaks. I'll make sure you don't fail a thing, don't worry!" She smiled, again, biting slightly at her lip. "And, if you pass everything, I'll show off another suit as a rew-"
"Hermione," Lily snapped. "I don't need your permission to do anything. If I want to do, I'll go."
"Lily, calm down, I was only-"
"You don't control my life!" Lily shouted. "Nobody controls my life but me!" She jabbed at her chest with her thumb hard enough to leave a sore spot.
"Lily," Hermione said, far more softly this time. "Is there something you want to talk about?"
"No," Lily said at once, and she turned away before Hermione could see her trembling lip. She took a deep breath. Just calm down. Don't let it get to you.
"Lily-"
"I'm fine."
Lily heard Hermione rise from the floor and walk the few steps towards her, then felt arms thread around her waist, holding her still when she tried to move away. Hermione pressed up against her back, her head leaning on her shoulder. Lily could smell the strawberries again.
"It's alright," Hermione said. "You're safe now."
You're never safe.
"Shut up," Lily mumbled.
"Lily?"
And she's not, either. He'll kill her. He'll make you kill her. He'll make you do worse, too. You know he will.
"I said shut up."
"Lily? Are you-"
Lily's door opened, and Hermione's mum poked her head inside.
"Hermione?" she said, looking around. "Are you- Oh! Am I interrupting something?"
"No, mum," Hermione said, quickly pulling away from Lily and trotting the few steps to the door before turning around. "You want to come with us? My dad's getting out today, the Healers cleared him. We're just going to bring him back here, so we can celebrate! Mrs. Weasley is baking a cake, and-"
"No," Lily said, turning away from daughter and mum both.
It's our fault he's there in the first place, the mirror said. And it'll all just happen again, so long as they're around us.
"Alright, well- well, we're celebrating, later, so- so you should come down for that, at least," Hermione said, and Lily could hear her drumming her fingers on the door handle. "And we'll talk later, alright?"
Lily just nodded, and then she heard the door click shut behind her.
We should leave, the mirror said. They're in danger so long as we're-
"Oh, shut up already," Lily said, quickly wiping her face with the sleeve of her sweater. "I'm going with them. You can sit here and be miserable by yourself."
She only got the door open a crack when she saw Hermione and her mother were still in the hall, just slightly down the stairs, hugging each other.
"I'm so sorry, Hermione," her mum was saying in a shaking voice. "I should have told you so long ago, and I never should have said what I did."
"Mum, it's alright," Hermione said. Her voice was high and sad.
"No, it's not, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. A mother should never say something like that to her child. Never."
Lily closed her door. She had no idea what that was about, but it really seemed like the kind of thing she shouldn't be intruding upon.
Back so soon? The mirror said as she crossed her room to her bed.
"Don't be so smug about it," Lily said as she settled in for a second nap.
It was hard going, though, and she didn't catch so much as a wink in the two hours she had in Hermione's absence. The whole house was abuzz with activity, readying for the celebration, but Lily herself could not be bothered to care or help with it. She was lying in bed, on her side facing the wall, and pretending to sleep, tracing her paining scar with a finger, and trying to ignore the occasional shouts or clamors from downstairs. What was going on down there?
Someone knocked at her door and snapped her out of her thoughts, and, a moment later, Hermione was pushing her smiling face inside.
"Come on, Lily!" she said cheerily. "He's here!"
Lily let out a little groan, and Hermione's face vanished, although the door was left ajar. She rubbed at her eyes, wondering if she'd ever get another uninterrupted sleep. She considered just rolling over and not bothering, but then the shouting was starting again, and she gave it up as a bad job.
Half an hour later, she finally managed to meander her way downstairs, wearing the same sweater and trousers she'd been in all day and feeling like death. She could hear the party in the kitchen, but she stopped in the loo, first, to wash her face and at least try making herself presentable. She had to use her powers to force away the dark bags under her eyes (the best she could do was looking as if she'd put on far too much mascara), but no matter how she tried to portray it, she felt like all her attempts at a smile looked completely and utterly ridiculous.
"Ah, well," she said, turning off the running tap.
She lingered outside the kitchen, crouched on the stairs, for far too long. It didn't sound like there was any more arguing going on, but Lily didn't want to go in if it was going to start up again. The Weasleys were all there, of course, and the Granger women were there too, of course, but they seemed much happier, now that she could hear Hermione's dad chatting with them. Bill was talking with Ginny about some very nasty curse he'd broken during his last month in Egypt, and she could hear Charlie telling Fred and George about the Ukrainian Ironbellies his reserve had just taken in, and how he was very much going to miss them now that he was living back in the isles. Lily decided to just get it over with once Mr. Weasley started in on the Muggle baiter he'd just had arrested, and only then did she notice the two other voices: Sirius and Ashley were whispering about something in the corner closest to the stairs, with a third voice softly joining them.
Somebody had decided to invite Remus Lupin to the party. He was looking shabbier than the last time Lily had seen him, with less hair and a thinner face. All that did was remind Lily that he was no longer minding the shop that Lily had opened specifically to employ him. She could feel the temperature around her spike upwards.
It was him that Lily locked eyes with, first, and it was almost enough for Lily to retreat back into the dark hallway and sneak upstairs before anybody else could notice her presence. Unfortunately, Mrs. Weasley spotted her the instant she took a step backwards.
"There you are!" she said, immediately getting an arm around her shoulders. "Come, come! I'll have your plate ready in a flash!"
"I'm not really-" Her protests faltered in her throat when she saw where she was being led to.
Lily took a deep breath and tried to focus on somebody else. Ashley was a no go- she was talking softly with Lupin. That only left one option, and it wasn't great. The last time she'd seen Sirius, she'd tried to punch him square in his nose, plus she'd broken the very expensive broomstick he'd bought for her, and if the way his posture stiffened as they approached was any indication, he had not forgotten either little detail. Mrs. Weasley sat her down right next to him, across from Ashley and Lupin, and not a one of the four said a single word.
"Just get up, then?" Sirius asked when the silence was far past awkward. "Your hair's looking a little ruffled."
"More or less," Lily said with a shrug.
"Not sleeping well again, I take it?" Lupin asked.
"Don't talk to me," Lily said very rudely.
Lily intended to let the whole thing lapse back into quiet, but the look Ashley was giving her was pointed. Lily glanced down towards Hermione and her little family and wished very much that she could have sat down there instead.
"I think you look better," Ashley said, glaring at both Lupin and Sirius. "A bit thin, though. Have you been eating?"
Lily shrugged again. Hermione glanced towards her, and they caught each other's eye. Lily was just about to make an excuse and move to join her when-
"Well, her plate is empty every time I come upstairs for it, at least," Mrs. Weasley said, sliding a plate full of shepherd's pie in front of Lily. "So, it's either her, or the cat. You should eat too, dear," she added, sliding a second plate on top of Sirius's empty one. "You're still a bit thin from your own ordeal. I'll get you another, too, Remus. The sick come first."
The instant Mrs. Weasley set a plate down in front of Lupin, Lily stole it. None of them argued or seemed to pay it any sort of mind.
"You're still sick, then?" Lily asked reluctantly. Just eating in complete silence was too much to handle, with the rest of the party so lively and happy.
"I still feel like death, too," Sirius said, winking at her reassuringly. "Healers reckon I'll keel over the instant somebody punches me in the chest."
"You've been fine," Lily mumbled, spooning hot potato into her mouth.
"You're just trying to get out of teaching your lessons," Lupin said.
"He'll be better than you," Lily muttered.
"I'm not trying to get out of a thing, thank you," Sirius said, taking a bit of his own food. "In fact, I've been given a clean bill of health. I don't even have to take it easy when we get to Hogwarts."
"So, it'll be, what," Ashley said, "a week before you're dueling each of your students?"
"If I even last that long. I was never one for homework as a student, and I doubt that'll change just because I'm on the other side. Gotta keep them busy, somehow."
"You sure seemed to push a lot of it on me," Lily grumbled, and somebody finally seemed to hear that one.
"Paperwork is important, if loathsome," Sirius said. "I'm not saying I won't give you lot any work to do outside of classes- I'm just saying you can expect a lighter load than you're used to. The last thing I want to do is grade essays from a bunch of fifteen year olds every waking moment of the day."
"You'd have to spend that long just on Hermione's," Lupin said, glancing down at the girl. "They're about as long as everybody else's combined."
"Sounds like she's in need of a sharp lesson, then," Sirius said. "Being detailed is good, but too much is-"
"Don't talk about her that way," Lily snapped, an awkward hush falling over the entire table. "Her essays are fine."
"I didn't say they weren't," Lupin said calmly. "I was only-"
"You don't get to go giving anyone advice unless it's about running away."
"He was just making a joke, Lily," Sirius said. "Sit down. You're making a scene."
Lily sat down, grinding her teeth and trying not to feel how everybody was staring at her. Chatter started back up again, but it wasn't nearly as raucous as before. Hermione's end in particular seemed devoid of a certain girl's voice. Lily could feel her eyes most of all.
"Well, look at that," Ashley said, placing a hand over Sirius's. "Calming down a row before it even begins. You're sounding like a teacher already."
"Well, I can't lie," Sirius said, smiling at her. "I am looking forward to it- Professor Black has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Course, I only get so long to enjoy it before- Lily? You alright?"
Lily brought her gaze up from where she'd been glowering at their hands, the matching rings glinting in the kitchen.
"Just lovely," she said, starting to stand. "This was a mistake. If you need me, I think I'll be-"
"Sit," Sirius said, grabbing her by the arm before she could get away. "Look," he added, lowering his voice, "this isn't where I wanted to have this conversation, but we need to clear the air- I can't have you constantly running away from me."
"I'm not running," Lily said a bit too loudly. "He's the one who runs."
"I feel I should go," Lupin said, starting to rise to his feet.
"Stay, mate," Sirius said. "Looks like you need to clear it, too. Lily, Remus was just-"
"He saved me," Lily hissed, avoiding looking at the man. "And then wouldn't even talk to me. I don't want anything to do with him."
"Lily-"
"Just shut up. I'm going back to bed."
"Just listen to him, Lily," Ashley said. She started reaching out for her hand- but Lily pulled away and crossed her arms.
"I don't want anything to do with you two, either," Lily said. "Why don't you go back on your honeymoon?"
"I know what the Death Eaters were telling you while you were there," Sirius pushed on. "We didn't leave you behind, Lily- we went to the States on Dumbledore's orders. The whole engagement was his idea- not ours."
"You're still wearing the rings," Lily pointed out, her foot beginning to audibly tap on the floor.
"Well, yes," Sirius admitted sheepishly. "But you have to understand that-"
"I don't care if you want to get married," Lily snapped. "You want a happy little family? Fine. I know when I'm not wanted, so you don't have to keep pretending."
"Lily," Sirius said, his face dropping.
"I have a real family," Lily said, leaning in and dropping her voice into a harsh whisper. "They died saving me- and I don't care what Voldemort says. You're not my father. My dad would never have left me there."
"Lily, I- I didn't leave you, I was-"
"My father," Lily continued, raising her voice just a tad. "Wouldn't have lied to me."
"I haven't lied to you!" Sirius said quickly. "I told you before, I'm not your father."
"A lie by omittance is still a lie," Lily growled. "You should have told me the instant you were free. Instead, you- you lied to me. You told me I was just like my dad."
"Lily, you are like him. I'm not your father."
"You knew how much that meant to me," Lily said, starting to shake. "And you still lied. You should have told me."
"I'm telling you now," Sirius said. "Listen, if you're really that adamant about it, we can get it tested. You'll see. I'm positive it's James."
"Save it," Lily said, standing upright. "Enjoy your family, Sirius. I want no part of it." She made to move- only to spot an owl sitting at the kitchen window.
She suddenly felt eyes all over her, and that made her realise she must have been speaking a little more loudly than she'd intended. Hermione, in particular, was worrying at her thumbnail again. Lily made as if she'd intended to fetch the post to begin with and opened the kitchen window. It took her a moment to get the bundle of envelopes off the poor owl's leg, and then it was off again, flying back home.
"Hogwarts letters," Lily said, holding up the bundle. She tore hers off the top and then handed the rest to Mrs. Weasley, who started handing them out immediately while Lily took her seat back next to Sirius, feeling foolish and angry. The corner of her envelope started wilting, as if next to a tremendous sort of heat.
"Listen," Sirius said, watching her pick at it. "I know you're angry, but we can work through this. You should at least go back to seeing Maraktis."
"And have him snitch on me again," Lily said, sliding her fingernail underneath the Hogwarts crest made of wax. "No, thank you."
"Perhaps-"
"Do not suggest it," Lily snaped before Lupin could finish his offer. "All I wanted to do was talk to you again last year, and you abandoned me."
"Remus didn't abandon you, Lily," Sirius said. "And Maraktis didn't snitch, either, the Ministry raided his office. He tried to set them straight, but they wouldn't listen."
"I don't care," Lily said, peeling the letter open. "Save the breath for somebody that does."
"Lily-"
"You are going back!"
Lily's head turned to the sudden shout, her heart rate spiking to a dangerous level, and her free hand going for her wand. Mrs. Weasley was in front of the twins, her face red, and both of them were leaning back in their seats.
"We aren't," Fred said. "We've got no need to."
"You're still children! You have to-"
"We're of age!" George said. "And we've already signed a lease for a premises. We can't go back, it'd be a waste of our investor's money."
Lily wondered how much she'd paid for this investment, but she supposed if it was enough to bankrupt her, she likely would have noticed.
"You have to finish school!" Mrs. Weasley said. "What if this doesn't work out? What if you fail? What are you going to fall back on?"
"Making products for Zonko's," Fred said with a shrug. "Listen, mum, we're doing fine- we're already turning in a profit even without the premises, aren't we, George?"
"We'll show you when you go buy everyone's things, mum," George said quickly. "You'll really like it. It's a nice spot, right next to-"
"You can't just leave school, you can't!"
"Molly," Mr. Weasley said in a wary tone. "The boys are of age. We can't stop them from pursuing their dream if that's what they want to do."
But Lily had stopped listening. She'd finally noticed that there was something heavy in her envelope, and, despite the anger still congealing inside her stomach, she could feel excitement, too- perhaps even the threatening of a grin. She pulled the paper out and looked up, finding Hermione watching her with an actual smile on her face. She was holding a silver badge in her hand and staring at Lily, a twinkle of hope in her eye. Lily swallowed and folded her paper open.
There was a badge, and, yet, her heart sank when she read the words on it. It was in Snape's tidy scrawl. It outlined the duties of a Prefect, and told them to attend a mandatory meeting on the Hogwart's Express prior to their return to school. It also instructed her that she was allowed to sleep in the Prefect Dormitory, as well as use the private Prefect Bathroom, and included the location and password to get inside both. It was everything that she'd been hoping for.
It was the words at the bottom that got to her.
Due to your condition, you are hereby banned from playing Quidditch this year.
"Banned?" Lily said out loud, her head turning to Sirius. "What for?"
"What are you on about?" Sirius asked, the rest of the table falling silent.
"I've been banned from Quidditch," Lily said, tossing the paper at him, her head and scar starting to pound again. "What's this about a condition?"
"Oh," Sirius said. "That- listen, I was going to tell you, but you wouldn't stop shouting at me, so I couldn't-"
"I don't have a condition," Lily shouted, standing up. "There's nothing wrong with me."
"I know that," Sirius said, warily glancing at the other Order members. "This is just a precaution so that the other Slytherins can't hurt you! The condition thing is just an excuse to-"
"There's nothing wrong with me," Lily said, chucking her badge straight into Sirius's face. "And you can tell Snape to shove that and his ban right up his stupid little-"
"Lily!" Hermione said, a hand covering her mouth.
Lily was off, then, storming up the stairs and ignoring the people calling after her. She could feel a burning in her eyes, and she wiped them away on her sleeve. They really had found a way to take everything from her, hadn't they?