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Beneath
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-One – Labyrinth
For an uncomfortably long moment, no one moved. Then Frigga motioned with her head toward Loki, following it up with a smile toward Jane, and started off toward the Vehicle Maintenance Facility, Odin falling into step beside her.
Loki waited for Thor to join them, hoping to use the short walk to make some sort of plan with Jane, to prepare for what was to come. But Thor also was waiting, and Loki remembered that now that Thor was here, it was no longer Loki at whose side Jane would linger.
"Do you know what this is about, Loki?" Thor asked. He wasn't sure why he was being involved, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be involved. His dealings with Loki were his own, between him and Loki, and he wished to keep them that way, at least until things were somewhat more resolved between them, assuming they ever would be.
"Yes," Loki answered, then set off walking. If he couldn't have his few minutes with Jane, he certainly wasn't going to spend them with Thor-and-Jane.
"That's it? You aren't going to tell me?"
"What do you think?"
"Come on," Jane said, following Loki and urging Thor to join her; they both hurried to catch up to him.
Loki grit his teeth at the unmistakable sounds of Jane coming up on his left, and Thor on Jane's left. "You're lucky not to have had siblings, Jane," he said a few seconds later.
"Actually, I always wished I had an older brother."
"Truly? I happen to know of one who's lost his position, and he claims to enjoy it greatly. You could have him." He stole a quick sidelong glance toward Thor, who didn't seem to be paying attention. "But I suppose that would be awkward." Jane turned and looked at him for a moment and he might have been curious to see her expression, but it was in his peripheral vision and her face was covered.
Jane's and Loki's words washed over Thor's ears without sinking in; he was stuck on "You're lucky not to have had siblings." It was probably merely a jest, or rather, meant seriously toward him, but Thor couldn't stop his thoughts from wandering further. Lucky not to have had any siblings? Younger ones, too? Did Loki wish he'd never had a younger brother, or specifically that Baldur had never been his younger brother? In all likelihood Baldur had not crossed Loki's mind. Baldur should not have crossed Thor's mind. Not in that sense. Not the absence of Baldur. Baldur's death. Baldur's murder. Centuries and centuries ago, countless offhand comments had inadvertently triggered bad memories and unsettling emotions and general discomfort on a regular basis. Eventually that had faded. To be brought back to that point over a thousand years after Baldur's death… Thor glanced toward Jane, then Loki, as a wave of resentment welled up in him. He shouldn't blame Jane for this, though, he knew. She hadn't come to the conclusions she had without Loki's input. What has he filled your head with, Jane? And why? And why would you trust him so much when you yourself have experienced the power of his deception? A new thought followed quickly on the end of that one: Why would you trust him more than me?
He frowned as the answer came to him. Jane had spent far too much time trapped here alone with Loki. He had gained too much influence over her. Loki had come here to use her, to hurt her in some way, probably not physically given the protective magic emplaced, but had decided in the end for whatever reason to befriend her instead, and in this way gain sway with her. Did Loki tell her to talk to me about Baldur's death? Is this the new way he seeks to wound me?
He was going too far, he thought, squeezing his eyes tightly shut for a few seconds. He was tired, he was dealing with too much already, and now on top of it all Baldur's death at Loki's hands again. He wasn't sure why, when nothing had seemed out of bounds before – not Jane, not Midgard, certainly not himself – but he didn't think Loki would use Baldur against him. Perhaps simply because in the end it was Loki himself who'd suffered the most for his actions. Perhaps because he remembered well the last time he and Loki spoke of Baldur, and their words and memories had been full of love. Perhaps because Loki's heart would have had to have frozen completely solid to use their dead brother as a weapon.
They reached the long arched building just as Odin and Frigga were opening up the heavy metal doors that had been sealed after the residents returned to their repaired main building. He saw Loki and Jane exchange a glance – a strange sight, but not the first time he'd observed it here. Jane's friendship toward Loki he had no doubt was real. Jane was kind, and a good listener. Loki could charm the scales off a bilgesnipe. Could his friendship be genuine? He remembered thinking that Loki would like Jane, that they could perhaps become friends, in time, if he were able to trust Loki enough again to be around her. They shared a curiosity and love of learning, and Jane was clever and feisty and strong-willed enough to withstand Loki's sharp wit and love of mischief. But Thor had had in mind the Loki of old, the Loki from before he'd learned of his origins. He really didn't know what state of mind Loki was in now, so completely Loki and even their father had shut him out. If he had to be involved in this now, perhaps he would at least gain some insight.
Thor sealed off the door behind them to keep the heat in – he detested wearing the facemask and had never liked wearing gloves. He had no idea how Loki had tolerated it all this time. When he turned around again without the mask, facing the interior of the now cavernous space, absent the dozens of Midgardians who'd been here before, he noticed how incredibly full of…everything it was. His eyes fell on one item next to a bright red cart on wheels. "Is that a..."
"It's a toilet seat," Jane supplied, following his gaze. "Getting rid of old stuff isn't easy here. Trash collection comes basically once a year. Junk tends to build up."
Loki glanced over at the makeshift fishing poles lying atop the stacks of dozens of tool boxes. Ronny and Brody had talked about using that toilet seat as part of some kind of fishing game. Disgusting, really, but no worse than the Three D's. One had to make one's own entertainment here, and it spurred a creativity that Loki could admire. Jane, he imagined, didn't know about that plan, and probably hadn't noticed the fishing poles, either. Ironic, really, that he'd become so involved in daily life here that he knew many things about the other Polies that even Jane, the legitimate Polie, did not.
"I'd like to say something first," Frigga announced, gathering five chairs, no two alike, into a circle. "Loki, Heimdall told me that you called to him to seek help for Jane, I assume after she drank the tonic. You were in hiding, yet acted selflessly on behalf of another. I'm proud of you, my son."
Loki felt all eyes on him, though he kept his own fixed on his mother, mind racing as he tried to decide how to respond, well aware that she had made a deliberate choice to say this in front of everyone. "Jane took a foolish risk on my behalf," he said after a few seconds. "She didn't deserve to suffer for it."
"It was a brave risk," Frigga corrected, nodding to Jane.
"Less bravery than ignorance," Jane said nervously, feeling a bit of an intruder in a family moment even though they were in part discussing her. "I didn't know what would happen. You know what they say, ignorance is bliss. Do they say that on Asgard?"
"Thank you, Brother," Thor said cautiously. Loki prided himself on his ability to hide from Heimdall; it was no small act that he'd deliberately drawn the gatekeeper's eye to him for Jane's sake.
Loki turned to him slowly with a look of disdain. As if he'd done that for Thor.
"Thanks," Jane said quietly. She meant it – she knew Loki had been concealing himself from Heimdall and that he'd prevented her from being able to call to him and be heard – but she'd rather have said so in private.
"It was nothing," Loki said, recovering himself and letting his gaze sweep across the others. "My ability to remain here in secret was at an end, anyway. Can we move on? The last I heard, you had a war going on."
"Accept compliments and words of appreciation when you're given them, Loki. You'd think no one had ever taught you anything about etiquette," Frigga chided, stepping forward to brush a hand lightly over Loki's cheek, then turning to take a seat.
Something of a game of musical chairs followed, with Odin sitting next to Frigga, Loki immediately taking the nearest chair and pulling it a little further back, directly opposite Odin, Thor taking the one between Odin and Loki, and Jane the last one standing, left with the chair between Frigga and Loki, which she took reluctantly, again feeling as though she didn't really belong here. She wasn't being welcomed into an intimate family gathering; she was with them because she was in trouble right alongside Loki. You have no power over me, she thought, then stifled a nervous giggle because wasn't that the magic line from that movie with David Bowie?
"You have had a series of increasingly severe earthquakes here," Odin began in preface. "More minor earthquakes that only recently could be felt have also taken place on Asgard, which does not rest atop the type of interior crust found on your world. Earthquakes have also been reported on Alfheim, and on Vanaheim. About the remaining realms, we have insufficient information."
Odin's eyes had not wavered from Loki, but Loki said nothing, so Thor spoke up. "I told you about this, Father, and the groaning of Yggdrasil that Heimdall has spoken of. We believe it to be due to the frequent use of the portals created through the Svartalf talismans. Although I'm not sure how that would cause earthquakes on Midgard, where only a few such portals have been created."
"A reasonable theory, given the facts you had available. But the Dark Elves' magic has not caused this trembling. Has it, Loki?"
He felt Jane's eyes on him, but resisted looking her way, keeping his eyes locked on Odin's. He'd had no idea that the earthquakes had been felt on other realms, too. He'd had no idea about Yggdrasil "groaning." "I wouldn't think so. I suspect that it was in fact caused by my experiments with time travel." There was, after all, no point in dancing around the subject, not when he was certain Odin already knew. Next to him, he heard Jane exhale in what he knew to be an annoyed huff, but at least for now she was keeping her mouth shut. Despite her protestations, he would keep her out of this as much as possible. On his other side, Thor gave an uncomfortable laugh.
"Your experiments with…what?"
"Time travel. Travel through time. Travel along the time axis. Shall I find another way to put it?" he asked, turning to Thor only at the last.
"But what…are you…time travel? What, like that…"
"Yes."
"Have you been reading banned children's books again?" Thor asked, followed by another slightly strangled laugh. He really couldn't tell if this was Loki's bad idea of a jest or if Loki's mind had actually snapped at some point.
"They aren't banned here. Their scientists theorize about it and their writers of tales explore it regularly. It is simply an aspect of physics. And now no longer limited to theory."
"They are banned on Asgard and to varying degrees on the other realms with good reason," Odin put in. "To prevent the very damage you and Jane Foster have caused."
Loki's jaw tightened; Thor sat up straighter and looked to Jane.
"Like I said earlier," Jane said slowly, "neither of us ever intended to cause any damage. We didn't know it would cause earthquakes, not here or anywhere else."
"Loki knew – did you not? – that time travel, even the theorizing and exploring of it, is utterly forbidden. He knew that it was dangerous, that it was considered a form of sedition, and moreover that it was in fact impossible. Loki had no knowledge of actual time travel. You gave him that knowledge, Jane Foster?"
"Albert Einstein gave me that knowledge," Loki cut in before Jane could incriminate herself further.
"Who is he?" Thor asked.
"A renowned Midgardian scientist. I read of his theory of general relativity, and figured the rest out myself. Jane gives herself more credit than she deserves. I'd already conducted several successful tests before she even knew I was studying time travel." The words were rather sour in his mouth – the insult was deliberate, but for effect, which he hoped Jane understood. He could not look as though he were protecting her; better that it appear it was his arrogance that insisted he point out how marginal her involvement was.
"You wished to change the past," Odin said, a statement, not a question. Loki hadn't pursued time travel for the purposes of taking a tour, and the effects of attempted changes were evident enough.
"I did. But I failed, so the point is moot."
"Wait. Stop," Thor said, leaning forward to try to peer as closely into Loki's eyes as he could, not that there was any guarantee of finding truth no matter how closely he looked. "You're serious. You…you literally went to other times? Past times? Both of you?" he added, glancing toward Jane. "When Jane was supposedly seen at Harvest Day all those years ago, and in our parents' chambers even before that…she was really there? She… she went there, as though merely to another location? Jane?" he asked, quickly switching his focus from Loki to her. Jane, he knew, would give him truth.
"And you were with her…weren't you, Loki?" Frigga asked, watching her younger son closely.
"I took her to Harvest Day, yes," Loki answered quickly.
Jane pressed her lips together self-consciously; she recognized the tactic Loki had just used. A pause suggested a lie. Or an incomplete truth, an attempt to mislead. A prompt response suggested honesty, completeness. She even knew what would follow: distraction from the thing Loki did not wish to discuss.
"She had discovered what I was working on by then, and was curious to see Asgard, in happier days. And more importantly she, too, feared that time travel was dangerous, and I wished to convince her that it was not. Obviously, I was in error."
"So you were the man in the hooded cloak?" Thor asked, recalling the image he'd seen on the wall over Jane's bed, when Jane had lain unresponsive yesterday in the Healing Room. "But you were just…nine then? Ten? You walked with the pipers in that parade…how could you be there as a man, when you were also there as a boy?"
"One of many reasons why time is not to be toyed with," Odin said. "Heimdall, you will look away now, if you are watching. All is well on Midgard. We will call for you when we need your assistance again."
Jane looked upward, as though there would be some sign there from the elusive Heimdall, a cosmic nod or something. There was nothing. She really had to meet this Heimdall.
"Thor, as king, you will need to know this. You must protect Asgard from all manner of war and destruction; this is simply one more. What I tell you, what I tell each of you, I say in the strictest confidence, for it is meant to be passed only from king to king, part of a sealed book presented after the new king succeeds the old."
"I have been given no book," Thor said.
"Nor have I," Loki added with a sharp smile.
"You would have been given it in time, had events proceeded more normally, and had I not woken from the Sleep," Odin said to Loki. "And Thor…Finnulfur has charge of the book without knowing its contents and unable to read them, but I'm sure he meant to keep this and many other burdens of the throne from you given the press of war."
There are even more burdens? Thor thought. And a sealed secret book about journeying through history? It seemed a taboo youthful fantasy rather than reality, and were this coming solely from Loki instead of his father as well – and Jane who'd said nothing but hadn't denied it – he would have thought it one of Loki's thoroughly straight-faced pranks.
"The book was prepared by my grandfather and a handful of his closest advisors, in the early days of his reign. All other knowledge of what happened was strictly suppressed, and my father learned of it only through this book, just as I learned of it. With knowledge comes the temptation to use it. Without that knowledge, there was no temptation."
"Someone has attempted time travel before," Loki surmised, intrigued.
"Yes. Four gatekeepers before our present one. Glodir."
"Glodir," Thor repeated. "Gatekeeper Glodir. I remember studying him."
Loki shot him a look. He didn't remember studying any "Gatekeeper Glodir," so he couldn't imagine that Thor actually did.
"He was the one that went mad, wasn't he? Wandered away from his post one day and ended up living in a cave on Nidavellir, humming old poems to himself and befriending animals instead of people?"
Loki frowned at that; the story was distantly familiar, he simply hadn't recognized the name. But he didn't understand the point. Had Glodir gone mad from time travel? Face flashing fear he glanced Jane's way, quickly enough that he hoped no one noticed. Had he cursed himself, and her, with madness? It seemed ludicrous, but the thought of truly losing his faculties was still unsettling. And Odin was nodding.
"Yes. Though the madness came later. Asgard's gatekeeper has immeasurable power at his fingertips, second only to her king, through his control of Yggdrasil. And Yggdrasil, as Glodir discovered through the special sight of the gatekeeper, is an incredibly complex tree, with infinite branches that connect the Nine Realms not merely in space, but in time. How exactly did you come to this knowledge, Loki?"
"As I said, the idea is found in Midgardian theories of physics."
"Midgardian theories of physics discuss Yggdrasil?" Odin asked dryly.
"I was familiar with Yggdrasil," Loki asserted.
"Actually, we learned about the extra branches from these probes I'd developed, and I knew how to find Yggdrasil from when Thor was sent to Earth, and the other trips through Yggdrasil after that one, so we launched a probe through Yggdrasil and it actually made it all the way to Asgard, and it took pictures the whole way, and I have this friend in Australia who…well, he cleaned up the images and made a three-dimensional rendering of them and that's when we saw all the extra branches. More than nine. Way more than nine. We didn't know what they were at the time."
"You captured images from inside Yggdrasil?"
"Yes," Jane said, unable to quite keep the pride out of her voice and face.
"And someone else saw them?"
Jane hesitated, then swallowed hard. "Yes," she said with considerably less pride and a little flicker of fear. At least she hadn't said Young-Soo's name, and now she would make sure she didn't. "But I didn't tell him it was Yggdrasil. He didn't know what he was looking at. No one else knows about any of this besides me and Loki."
Loki listened with increasing frustration. His ability to help was extremely limited, and depended in large measure on him speaking and Jane not speaking. "Back to the lesson," he said, glaring at Jane, who sent him a frown back. "Glodir explored the previously unknown branches, caused earthquakes…and went mad?"
"He explored the branches, yes. At first, as my grandfather later believed, he was merely curious. He spoke, later, of having met his grandmother, who'd died before his birth. Of watching the dedication of Asgard's new palace."
"New palace?" Thor asked.
"It was new then. The one before the current one, actually. No one ever knew exactly how many secret journeys he took, but it was many, and it did not take him long to realize that his actions in the past could affect the present. In some things he evidently succeeded; in some things he continually failed."
"Do you know which things?" Jane asked. For Thor and Loki and their parents, this was long-ago super-secret Asgardian history. For her, it was physics, and the fundamental nature of the universe.
"Only a few of them, those he himself later revealed. There was a woman, someone he'd loved but whose love for him had not been enough to stay with him when he was selected as gatekeeper. All of his efforts soon centered on trying to change that. He sought to have himself not be selected, or to convince his younger self to refuse the post. He sought to amend Asgardian law, to require multiple gatekeepers so that the burden would not have rested so heavily on him. He sought to drive the woman away from the man she later married, before they became involved. His every effort was futile."
Jane was nodding. "So he couldn't change something that would have eliminated the need for him to go back and change it."
"What?" Thor asked.
"He couldn't do anything that would create a paradox. It's a fundamental tenet of the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle," Jane explained, getting more excited as she spoke. "Remember?" she asked, turning to Loki, who was distracted and met her gaze with a somewhat startled look. "Didn't I tell you? I wrote a paper in a philosophy class in college, it was on time travel. I was sort of cheating, really, because there's philosophy in there but it's really physics. Basically, the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle says that time travel is possible, but that there are restrictions on it imposed by the universe itself. By the laws of physics that govern the universe. It says that the universe is consistent with itself, and that the probability of any event that would create a paradox – an inconsistency in the universe, in time – is zero." She looked around her; Loki was distracted again, Thor was confused but interested, Frigga too was listening with knitted brow, and even Odin seemed to be seriously considering what she'd said. She took a deep breath and continued.
Distantly, Loki followed what Jane was saying – she was back to that bizarre grim story about grandfathers, going back in time and killing your grandfather thus preventing your birth and in turn preventing yourself from going back in time and killing your grandfather, the story that had made his head spin before and sent him down a surreal tunnel of imagining killing his own grandfather, the actual one. Now he understood it. Or rather, he understood the point Jane was making with it. If this Novikov Self-Consistency Principle was true, if the universe required consistency in time, then one would be prevented from killing one's grandfather in the past, no matter how hard one tried. Jane was speaking of it even now: bullets that would misfire – never mind that the others present didn't even know what bullets were – hands that would slip, knives that would be too dull…
Loki's thoughts sharpened as precisely what had disturbed and captivated him about the story of Glodir's lost love snapped into place. Knives that were inexplicably dull. Hands that slipped. Magic that had no effect. Water instead of oil. Blades that broke off. Feet that stumbled. A younger brother who neither saw nor heard you no matter how loudly you shouted or how visible you made yourself.
"Loki?"
Jane's eyes went to Frigga, and then to Loki, the focus of Frigga's concerned attention, just in time to see the drawn, distressed look on Loki's face smooth over and vanish. The others wouldn't have a clue, but Jane knew exactly what Loki had just been thinking about. Going back in time to kill someone who hadn't been killed was, in terms of temporal and even physical consistency, little different from going back in time to save the life of someone who hadn't lived. Killing your grandfather would ultimately prevent you from killing your grandfather by removing you from history; saving your brother's life would ultimately prevent you from saving your brother's life by removing the need for you to save his life. Loki had told her next to nothing about his attempt to save Baldur, only that he'd tried and failed. Now she was certain what had happened, in spirit if not in exact detail.
"Glodir…ran afoul of the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle, then," Loki said, putting a great deal of effort into keeping his voice even, unemotional.
"It would seem so," Odin said after a moment. "And in the meantime, Asgard was crumbling. The Dasipan Mountains were particularly badly affected; they were destabilized and beset by landslides and became the Dasipan Hills that we know today. Many buildings collapsed, including enough of the palace that it had to be razed. Rivers were rerouted, old lakes disappeared and new ones were formed. Our scholars did not know what was causing it, but they feared Asgard would be ripped asunder. The other realms, too, even Midgard, were affected, but none so badly as Asgard.
"And then the attacks began. Attacks from outside the Nine Realms. Each of them stopped before they could pose a real threat, but each of them arriving through Yggdrasil itself, by penetrating weakened spots in her trunk and branches."
"They breached Yggdrasil?" Thor asked. "I remember studying the Upheaval, briefly…I remember learning about the collapse of the earlier palace, and what a frightening thought that was. I remember our tutor jesting about incompetent engineers and builders. But I never knew what caused it. I never knew anyone had attacked through Yggdrasil, from beyond. I didn't know such a thing was possible."
"No one did, in those days. And no one does again now, except for me, and now each of you."
"Glodir was stopped, eventually," Loki said. "And Yggdrasil recovered." How quickly? he desperately wanted to know. Madness and earthquakes and weakening the walls of Yggdrasil to attackers from realms beyond the Nine? The name Thanos crawled about the back of his mind.
"Yes. Glodir came forward of his own accord and confessed. He was banished to the wilds of Nidavellir, and all means of communication taken from him so that he could never tell others what he had done, and thus tempt them to try the same. It was there that the madness overtook him. Yggdrasil remained unstable for several years after, but the effects of it tapered off within a few months. The damage was done, though. Asgard's geography, climate, and even our precise location in space were all altered, and it took nearly a century to adjust to the changes. You and your entire realm are fortunate that it has not gone so far here. How many times did you violate Yggdrasil's nature?"
"We didn't know we were violating anything," Jane answered sharply.
"That much is obvious, undisputed, and does not answer the question."
"Odin, what does it matter now?" Frigga cut in.
"They attempted to change the past. And like Glodir, they were obviously successful in some things. The fact that Jane has been seen in Asgard before she was born is a change in and of itself."
"Not really, actually," Jane said, glad to slip back into the more comfortable sphere of science. "It wouldn't be considered a change within the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle. Change indicates inconsistency. I was always at Harvest Day that year in Asgard, Loki too. Grown-up Loki I mean. No change. It was always true."
"That makes no sense, Jane," Thor said, shaking his head. "You weren't alive then. Your great-great-great grandparents weren't alive then. You cannot have always been there."
Loki gave Thor a frown full of derision, but in truth, it made no sense to him, either. He'd certainly thought of the things he'd done in the past as changes.
"You may debate the interpretation at some later date. Changes or no, I need to know what actions were taken in the past, and how many, in order to determine whether any of it endangers Asgard and the other realms, and what interference you have caused with the past."
"There were…about ten trips in total," Jane said, looking to Loki for confirmation, but he didn't react. Probably he'd prefer not to volunteer that information, she figured, but she didn't see what harm it could do, and maybe it would help convince Odin that no permanent harm had been done, as Jane now thought was probably – hopefully – the case. "It sounds like that's a lot less than what that other guy did."
"It is," Odin agreed, relieved at the low number. Glodir had made dozens of journeys at least, perhaps hundreds. "The consequences would have been felt much more quickly and more severely on your more fragile world. And the actions taken? Besides observing a parade?"
"I tested the limits of time travel. And I, too, discovered that I could not effect certain changes. When Jane discovered my work, I assisted her in a few trips herself, but she was an insufferable nag of a travel companion, obsessed with ensuring we didn't change anything. Jane believed it could lead to time wars, and was nearly impossible to convince that joining a crowd watching a parade or purchasing a sweet log would not result in the collapse of all civilization."
Thanks, Jane thought sarcastically, though Loki's reasons for talking about her the way he was were perfectly transparent to her.
"Enough parades and sweet logs and it would. What else?"
"Nothing of consequence. I have no intention of recounting every single detail of what I did."
"You agreed you would talk to me."
"I'm talking to you."
"You tried to find a way around the enchantments."
Loki drew in a breath, and by the time he'd done it, it was too late to lie. Unless it was a grandiose lie, but he saw no need. It was obvious that he would have tried it, and equally obvious that he'd failed. "Yes."
"How?"
He paused again, and again saw no reason not to tell the truth, or at least the bare minimum of it. "I went to an old friend who I thought would be able to help. I was wrong."
"Brokk?"
Loki's eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. "No," he said in a low voice.
"No?"
"Yes," Thor said, drawing all eyes his way. "You did go to Brokk. That's how you learned about Vigdis. And the plan to attack in the Felingard Forest. It's just as Jolgeir said," he added, throwing a glance to his parents. "They were tasked with presenting opposing cases, Huskol and Jolgeir. Huskol that you were behind the alliance, and Jolgeir that you were not. Even tasked with that position, Huskol could only make the case that you were allied with the Dark Elves but had had a falling out with them, while Jolgeir's case was that you had gone to Svartalfheim for the first time when you used that old portal in the cave, and it was then that you became unintentionally entangled with events on Svartalfheim."
"I see," Loki said when the weight of the stares fell back on him. "This isn't about the details of time travel. This is about your belief that I am a traitor."
"Those are your words, Loki," Odin said. "No one has accused you of treason in this matter. But yes, this is about both what you did in the past, and what you did concerning Asgard. We know that you went to Svartalfheim. We know that you killed a Svartalf warrior. We know that you fled from a tavern when you were identified there. And we know that a servant named Vigdis was spying on us and meeting with Brokk in secret, and that she mentioned your name."
"Pathfinder could be used to travel along the time axis or the space axis or both. I did go to Svartalfheim, but time travel was not involved," he stated evenly, locking eyes with Odin.
"What did you-"
"Loki," Frigga cut in with a hand on Odin's arm. "We are at war. We are losing. Now is not the time for stubbornness, or for blame-casting, on anyone's part. If there's anything you can tell us, please…"
Loki took a deep, slow breath. "Despite what seems to be common opinion, I neither am allied with the Dark Elves or anyone else, nor was even 'entangled' with them…except for a brief moment very much unintentionally, and unwillingly. During that time I learned of the plan to attack the Felingard Forest, and afterward, in order to leave Svartalfheim, I followed Brokk through a small portal to Asgard, where I observed him manipulating that weakling Vigdis. I had no wish to become involved at all, but when I came across Jolgeir as I did…as he was…I decided to share my information and for my generosity was implicated in a conspiracy against Asgard."
Jane tried not to react as she listened. Loki hadn't told her all this before. He'd told her about fire needles and consciousness-sucking and magic-resistant wounds. Tell them about that, she willed Loki. He'd said that on Asgard they thought he was behind the war; he'd probably genuinely believed it, but it wasn't true, apparently. If they knew what Brokk had done to him on Svartalfheim, it would surely eliminate all doubt.
"You didn't help your case when you attempted to steal the Tesseract immediately afterward," Odin said.
"Was there a question there?" Loki asked with a forced smile as Jane's mouth fell open. He would really rather her never have found out about that.
"Why?"
Loki pushed the smile into a smirk while he tried desperately to come up with an answer. Any answer. A truth, a lie. He'd seen it out there – where he'd thought it was – relatively unguarded or so it had appeared, and the next thing he knew he'd changed course. "I thought it might prove useful," he finally said, relieved by what he'd thought of. Sufficiently vague, sufficiently true.
"You had no plans?" Odin asked.
"My plan was to rid myself of your curses. It didn't work."
"Wait, that was when you came back with the…," Jane said, trailing off, hitching a shoulder and reaching behind herself to point in the general direction of her back.
Loki inclined his head toward her and was grateful when she didn't continue.
"The other half of an Einherjar's sword?" Thor asked; Frigga shifted in her seat but remained silent.
"Yes," Loki ground out. What am I doing? What am I doing? he asked himself as Odin asked another question that barely registered. It was an interrogation, he hated interrogations, answers were being dragged from him despite his resistance because he had no real choice but to answer in some way for he'd made a bargain and more importantly he wanted his full freedom, he felt on display and had to remain mindful that he was speaking in front of not just Odin but Thor and Frigga and Jane, and he had to protect Jane but she seemed intent on undermining his attempts to do so. He looked himself, he had magic again, but he was still at Odin's mercy, he had no control over anything, he was still powerless, and it was like knives dragging through his flesh.
Powerless, he thought as Odin repeated a question he'd failed to register. Odin had called him that. He thought back on what he'd been saying. Not that he was powerless, but that he made himself powerless by blaming Odin for his own actions. "Are you nothing more than a ship pushed about by a capricious wind, no sails, no rudder, no oars?" Odin had said; he remembered it well, for it had infuriated him. It had stung so much, he thought now, because it was true, at least in part. He had allowed himself to become no more than a ship pushed about by a capricious wind. He had resisted, he had argued, he had insulted, but everything he'd said and done thus far had been a reaction, mostly to Odin. He'd been reacting, and not acting. He wasn't immediately certain of how to change that, but he knew one place he could start.
He stood up, eyes on Odin, watching out of the corner of his eye as Thor tensed, probably expecting an attack of some sort. "In the interest of not prolonging this particular form of torment for all involved, I've changed my mind. I will tell you everything I did, both the tedious and dull, and the exhilarating and electrifying."
He could control the narrative.
/
Thoughts? Share 'em below. Don't be deterred that you haven't heard back from me in the last nearly a month - it's been an unusual month that had me away from my computer much of the time or with the internet down. I'll be getting back to you soon. I appreciate and respond to every review.
And...FOUR YEARS.
Brief responses to guest reviewers: "lwolf": Jane's already made it to Asgard without Odin's permission, so I think she stands a good chance of making it back again. Guest (June 20): Neither can I. Seriously. And I don't know anything about actual awards but thank you for the virtual nomination! "AvengersLoki": Makes total sense, and yes, a long way to go. Thor and Loki both have their issues with each other and some straight talk is probably needed. In other circumstances the Polies might have been different with Loki, but right now he's just saved their winter and maybe their lives. They really don't know what to make of him. The "hero" thing will come up again. Tony visited Asgard in 118 "Tourists"/119 "Decisions". Tony couldn't stay. The story would balloon to 500 chapters, ha. Because Tony dominates and derails every conversation he's a part of, ha. "fourdevils": Nine kids holding pens, ha, melting here! Don't worry, I'll take the review. Or a cheap novelty mug. Re Zeke and Loki kneeling, yeah, he never thought anything of that, and probably wouldn't unless someone pointed it out. Re Olivia, right, this isn't her saying "I Heart Loki," safety is her number one concern, only concern at the moment, and before Loki was a threat to it, today he has saved it. She's also pretty confident Loki's *leaving* now. Thanks, and cheers! "momentous moose": Thanks! The time and length is really so nuts. Here's to more edge-of-seatedness to come. Guest (June 22) + "Priscila": Thanks! Hope you enjoyed this one. Still track left to go on the ride. "K": Thanks! Appreciate it. Lots of effort for sure, ha. "CurdledMilkk": Wow, thanks, and for the glimpse into your whisperings. I'm glad this has hit the spot for you. :-) "Foxyloxy7" if/when you get here, every place has its charms, I still think so fondly of my vacation in Australia. "The mad hatter": Thank you, your comment made me realize it was indeed the birthday. Again, ha.
Previews for Ch. 152 "Time": Loki does take charge of the narrative, but there are lots of things he did during time travel that he might rather keep secret, as you may recall. And while he takes control, he's not the only one in the room. Also, there is discussion of Loki's skill with a knife.
Excerpt (Odin and Loki speaking):
"The magic that judged your use of magic was complex, but it was never meant to handle that. Time travel itself is unacceptable, but the magic was formulated to assess intent, the motivation for the use of magic; I suspect that the magic thus remained focused on the motivation behind the time journey."
With no little effort, Loki kept his outward appearance unchanging, impassive. Behind the facade, he roared with rage. "No."
"No?"