Beneath
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Six – Needs
"Wish me well, Mother, I'm off to win a war."
"I always wish you well. Especially now," Frigga said, kissing Loki's cheek then turning to do the same for Thor.
They stood in a neglected overgrown garden bordering a small copse of flowering apricot trees, a place known for its beauty and serenity, frequented before the war by families with children in the day and by lovers at night. Now it was the latest site where Heimdall had set up the Tesseract, which he was now sealing into its special container again for safekeeping.
"I, too, wish you well, Loki. Both of you," Odin said.
"How nice," Loki commented, barely sparing Odin a glance. "Tell me, Heimdall, were you listening again yet when it was agreed that you will be obeying my orders once more? I do expect you to actually follow them this time."
Heimdall calmly looked first to Odin, then to Thor.
"Only with my approval, Heimdall," Thor said.
Heimdall nodded and again faced Loki. "It is good to see you well again, Loki."
The two locked eyes, Loki noting that despite the formality of the statement, no title had been attached to his name. He wondered just how much Heimdall was stewing right now, and how much more he'd be stewing the first time Loki issued an order. Even if Thor's word of approval had to follow, it would still be clear that it was Loki who was making the decisions and directing Heimdall's actions.
Beside him, Loki heard his mother sigh, and then her arms were pulling him toward her, draped loosely around his shoulders.
"Try to be civil, my dear," she whispered in his ear before letting him go. "Is the Assembly convened?" she asked Heimdall.
"It is, Your Majesty."
Loki smiled icily, noting the title included this time. He had no doubt that it was entirely intentional.
"We should hurry then. The reprieve is almost over; you can get the latest updates directly from the Assembly and then from the War Council."
Loki made no move to follow, and the others stopped. "I can think of few things that would be more a waste of my time right now than meeting with the Assembly."
"Do you not agree that information is vital to winning any war?" Thor asked.
"Of course. Shall we find a clerk and inquire precisely how many times one of you has met with the Assembly or War Council? Remind me, how exactly is Asgard faring in this war?"
"Very well, then, Loki, what do you wish to do instead, that is not a waste of your time?" Thor asked with a twinge of anger. Loki was trying his patience already, and they'd not been back for ten minutes. For Asgard, he reminded himself, then frowned. For Loki, too. For all of us.
Loki absently watched Heimdall for a moment, as though considering his options. "Principally, I wish to not waste time explaining myself to you at every turn."
"All right. Lead on," Thor said.
Loki started off, but paused when Heimdall spoke, though it was not to him.
"I will join you in Assembly once the Tesseract is secure."
"No," Loki said over Odin's nod. "I may need to journey elsewhere at a moment's notice. You will remain with the Tesseract, ready to make use of it any time I require you to." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Thor hesitate, frown, nod. "No need to keep moving it to secluded locations. Go no farther with it than a five-minute walk from the palace." Thor hesitated longer this time, and even looked to Odin, whom Loki could not see without turning, but eventually gave the nod. Issue enough of these orders and they'll both become trained to obey them without second-guessing, he thought, watching the pattern. It tempted him to issue pointless orders for just that purpose, but he was eager to get underway.
They parted, Odin and Frigga to the right, toward the palace, and Loki and Thor to the left…a slightly more circuitous route toward the palace.
"Where are we going, Loki?" Thor asked when they entered a private passageway alongside the palace rather than making for its entrance. He'd wanted to ask immediately, but had decided to try to let Loki be the first to speak. That, though, would apparently result in unending silence.
"It's more a question of where I'm going, really."
"All right," Thor said. "Where are you going, then?" He'd expected Loki would try him, and he knew this was hardly the worst his brother could serve up.
"Wherever I like," Loki tossed over his shoulder with a satisfied smile as he abruptly veered off the main path.
Thor quickly backtracked and fell in beside Loki again. He knew where they were going now – this tree-lined path led to the Healing Room. "Are you unwell? Is it the blood loss?" He tried to get a better look at Loki but could only see his profile.
"Have you become a healer since I left?"
"Loki." When Loki neither slowed nor looked his way nor reacted in the slightest, Thor grabbed his shoulder and forced him to a stop, planting himself in front of his brother. "I need to know your plans. You have been away from Asgard for the entirety of this war, save a few short visits, and I have been here. I can help you."
"Are you really so certain of that? Because at the moment my plans include seeking healing for a few minor injuries, having a meal that does not have to be either defrosted or removed from a crinkly package, and taking a nice long nap on a bed not proportioned for a child. I suppose if you would like to set the table or fluff the pillows, I wouldn't object."
Thor stared, jaw falling slowly open. "Is this…is this a game to you?"
Loki thought it over. "In large measure, yes, it is," he finally answered.
"I do not understand you," Thor said, shaking his head in horrified disbelief. "Sometimes I think you are the same, as though nothing had changed, and sometimes… This isn't a game. Our people are suffering and dying. We have been-" He looked around, and when he spoke again it was in a quieter voice, although they were unlikely to be overheard. "We have been forced to prepare terms, Loki. Terms of surrender."
"Not theirs, I take it," Loki said with a bland smile. He already knew that plans for surrender were in place; Frigga had told him.
Thor resisted the temptation to respond to Loki's provocation, and asked the question he most needed an answer to now. "Do you actually have any plans for winning the war at all?"
"I might. But they begin with healing, food, and sleep. Is it your intention to try to deny me these things?"
"I would never deny you what you truly need. But minor injuries? A set table for your meal? A long nap? I cannot even tell if you're serious or not, about any of this. Brother, if you have some ideas, if you know of some means by which we might save Asgard and avoid surrender, please…"
"Please?" Loki repeated, cocking an eyebrow. Thor was desperate, angry, and essentially at his mercy. The day was going well. Too bad that it was later in the day here in Asgard and the sun was on its way to the horizon already. "Is this begging? Are you begging me to help you?"
Thor immediately dropped to one knee. "If that is what is necessary, then yes. I will beg you, Loki. You think it a shame, a humiliation for me? There could be no worse shame than letting my pride prevent me from doing everything I can to spare Asgard the shame of destruction and surrender, of having sent warriors to die in a hopeless cause. You said you didn't wish to see that either. You said you didn't want Asgard to fall."
"Thank you for the reminder. Now I would like to hear more of this begging."
"Anything you want, Brother. What would you ask of me?"
Loki's haughty dispassionate expression morphed slowly into a grudging smile. "You would give it, wouldn't you? Anything I asked."
"I would do my best."
"Clever bastard."
Thor's brow wrinkled, truly lost now. Loki, hardly for the first time, was apparently having a conversation that was different from the one Thor thought they were having. "What?"
"Not you. Obviously not you."
"Father? Loki, you should not speak of-" Thor frowned. Loki had said worse about their father, he supposed. He was beginning to feel awkward with his knee still planted on the sun-warmed walkway, and Loki standing above him, seemingly no longer interested in begging.
"The only thing I would ask of you is to go away instead of following me about like some grotesquely overgrown nursemaid. He would have known that."
Thor nodded once as understanding dawned. "You think that whatever he did with Gungnir…it prevents me from leaving you, rather than you from leaving me?"
"Probably." Easily tested, Loki thought. At the moment, there was no real need, though. Later. "I do need to see Eir, and I am famished, though I can eat something fast and simple while I'm with her. As for the nap…I'll try to make it a short one, and you will not interrupt it."
"I apologize for not taking your needs into a-"
"I did not tell you to stand."
Thor let his weight come back down on his knee, stifling a sigh. If demeaning him was what Loki required, Thor would indulge him. He imagined that this would once have been quite a blow to his pride indeed, but now the only thing that troubled him about it was wasting time on such meaningless trifles as stroking Loki's ego.
"This is a game, Thor. Of course it's a game. But that doesn't mean I don't take it seriously. I take games very seriously. And I intend to win this one. I have a vested interest after all. Down."
Thor grit his teeth. He'd barely moved this time. And there was only so long he was willing to do this.
"You asked what I wanted from you."
"Yes," Thor answered, warily now.
Loki thought the words many times before he could bring himself to say them. He'd blurted them out in a blind rage at Odin and they'd slashed a trail of fire across his chest that he could still feel when he thought of it. This was different. Loki was calm and the words were carefully chosen. And necessary. He could very well be stuck with Thor to the end, whatever that end might be. "I insist on your respect," he said, carefully controlling his voice to keep it both quiet and firm.
Thor didn't respond right away, searching for the hidden meaning or jest that he'd missed.
Loki frowned, clasping his hands in front of him to stop them from fidgeting. His voice may have indeed been firm – he was skilled at using his voice as a tool – but he hadn't realized how much he'd feared Thor's answer until Thor didn't answer. "I want your respect. That is all I ask. Along with what we've already agreed, of course."
"Loki…you have my respect. You've always had my respect."
Loki gave a dry humorless laugh. "You are indeed Odinson, aren't you? Or perhaps I simply learned from a different dictionary than you and he did? Those 'special' lessons you used to go to sometimes, just you and he? 'Introduction to How To Be a King, With Special Instruction on Vocabulary?' I will explain it to you, because this matters, Thor. If you are to be sealed to my side in all that I do as I attempt to free you from this quagmire you've gotten yourselves into, I cannot have you second-guessing my every move, or undermining my efforts with either your distrust or your jests."
"My…my jests?" Thor asked in frustrated confusion. Distrust was another matter. Everyone, including Loki, knew that distrust was an issue in their family, and as Odin had said, not one that could be resolved by edict. "I would make no jests about this, Brother. Or about you."
"The very night you were to become king, you referred to how I saved your life on Nornheim as doing 'tricks' instead of battle."
"That was not-" Thor began, incredulous, before taking a breath and starting again. "Loki, we are brothers. I used to call you root sludge, and you called me much worse because you were more creative. I…I don't…"
Loki nodded sharply. "Of course. You're right. I apologize. Another of my imagined slights, yes? Everything is settled, then. Get up, let's go." He turned and continued on toward the Healing Room, fuming and trying to get a grip on his roiling emotions, because he didn't need them ruining his ability to focus. He still had no actual plan and the pressure inside him was mounting to come up with one. He was just lifting his palm to remove the gate between him and the garden behind the Healing Room when he realized Thor was not at his side, and, a second later, that he had not heard Thor's footsteps accompanying his own. He turned around, and found Thor exactly where he'd left him, in the middle of the walkway on one knee. His right hand now rested on his raised knee, holding something there, Loki saw when he looked more closely.
"Please come back, Brother."
Loki looked from Thor to the gate, and back again. Now would be as good a time as any to test his ability to leave Thor behind. A slight curiosity niggled at him about why exactly Thor, who could barely wait to get up from the ground before, had decided to stay there looking like a fool now, and what the thing on his knee was, the thing that looked decidedly more like a thin book than the weapon Loki thought would be more likely. It didn't take long before the curiosity grew and he was retracing his steps back to Asgard's kneeling king. "Who is playing games, now, hm?"
"No games, Loki. You bring a fresh mind and unique skills to Asgard, and I am grateful that you have chosen to use them for Asgard's defense, despite all of the…complications. Between us, and others. You are right, my brother. There are things I have said, that I should not have said, and things that I should have said that I did not. I should have…I should have thought about more than just myself." He paused to take a deep breath. He was speaking in generalities and platitudes and he knew it; he had little experience or skill with expressing himself the way he now wished to, especially not with Loki staring down at him as though he'd suddenly grown tusks and tail. But that was part of why he'd taken to writing in the journal he now held up to Loki.
"What is that?" Loki asked in a low voice dripping with contempt, as though Thor were holding up a rotting animal carcass.
"A private journal. I gave you access, right after Gullveig's reprieve, when I knew I'd be returning to Midgard. I'd hoped to give it you then, but then there was the earthquake and the evacuation of the building, and…I never had a chance."
"Records of the war?" he asked suspiciously, hoping it was so but fearing it was not.
Thor shook his head. "Records of my thoughts. About myself, and you, and… It's better if you simply read it. I've done a lot of thinking, since you left us again. More so than when I thought you dead, when it was easier to pretend like that last day never happened. I want you to have it. I'd like you to read it, when you have the time." The words dangled there, Loki simply staring at him with that perpetual look of aloofness tinged with anger, long enough that Thor began to feel awkward again.
"Records of your thoughts," Loki repeated dryly.
Thor nodded, hesitantly, wondering if Loki had not paid any attention to the rest of what he'd said.
Loki reached for the book, held it between both hands, and waved it away. "Well, I occasionally have need of some short, light reading when I'm tired and don't care to think too deeply." He turned toward the gate again, and this time if Thor did not follow then they were going to find out exactly what the consequences of that might be.
Thor watched the retreating figure for a moment, glad Loki's back was to him so he couldn't see him glaring daggers. Had he not learned better control of himself and his temper, he would have rushed at Loki and knocked him to the ground. He had poured his heart into that journal, had written of feelings and ideas and doubts and all sorts of things he'd never spoken aloud, had revealed himself through painstaking left-handed words, had sacrificed precious minutes of sleep to it over and over, and Loki was trampling on it. Trampling on him. Have I opened myself up so fully, all for nothing but mockery? He decided he should have kept the journal, so that at least he would still be able to read it, reflect further on it, add to it. He wished it had occurred to him when he had taken it from his chambers to make a copy – it was easily done – but it hadn't.
Pride, though, as he'd already told Loki, was an easy enough thing to sacrifice under the circumstances, so Thor swallowed his and stood to follow his brother.
/
/
The route they'd taken, Thor thought as they entered the Healing Room through the private entrance in the back, was a wise one, shielding them from view. They'd not made it ten steps inside before a young woman came barreling out a door to the side, arms laden with clean rolled bandages, and immediately collided with Loki. She recovered quickly, the beginnings of a sharp retort coming out, until she actually looked at who she'd run into.
"I…oh, I'm…" she stammered out, clutching her rolls too tightly such that a few fell to the floor.
"It's all right. We apologize," Thor said, picking his way around the woman and her fallen bandages to catch up to Loki, who'd already gone past.
The woman called out her own apology, words fading as they reached the door at the end of the corridor and went through it. Just past it, Thor bumped heavily into Loki, who'd come to a sudden stop.
This spacious waiting area, with comfortable seating for those coming to see Eir or patients in the private wing they'd just strode through, which had been as empty as it usually was the last time Loki was here, over two months ago, was now full of cots and pallets and other makeshift beds, most of them occupied. Loki frowned and started forward again, ignoring the murmurs that had begun as soon as the first set of eyes glimpsed him. Those who were awake and capable of it sat up or pushed up on elbows or simply craned their necks to watch him pass through; Loki ignored them and went straight for Eir's office, which was blessedly empty. Blessedly empty even of Eir, whom Loki actually wanted to see, though in retrospect it was obvious that with so many patients they were spilling into other areas of the Healing Room, Eir would not be sitting at her desk.
"Why don't you do something useful and go find her."
"All right. But first…I worry for you, Brother. What ails you?"
"Nothing ails me. I have a scar I need removed," Loki answered perfunctorily.
Thor blinked heavily, but managed to stifle a repeat of his earlier reaction. Loki, perhaps, was lying. Perhaps there was some ailment, or some lingering weakness from his earlier injury. But he had chosen to mention a scar, and Thor thought there might be some reason for it. So he ignored his instinctive angry frustration over the fact that within these walls lay warriors in critical condition with gaping wounds and missing limbs, and Loki wanted a scar removed. "You know that Eir won't be able to remove it in one treatment."
"All the more reason to start the process as soon as possible."
"I'm sorry that it became what it did to you. I know that Father didn't intend it in that way."
"Do you," Loki said, pressing his lips tightly together.
"I didn't intend it that way. If it will help…I'll get one, too. It would be a mark for all of us."
"I wonder what his latest little curse would do if I murdered you," Loki muttered, heading for the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Apparently I have to do everything myself," he answered as he opened the door, but stopped short when he saw Eir already approaching. He stepped back, ignored Thor's questioning look, and in another couple of seconds Eir was striding in.
"I heard you were here," she said, stripping off a blood-stained apron. "How are you, Loki? Thor?"
"I am well, Eir. It is Loki who has brought us here."
"Loki?"
"I believe it is customary to have privacy when one consults with a healer."
"Ah…yes, of course," Thor said. "I'll be right outside. I'll speak to the men."
"You should," Loki said with a crisp nod, though he doubted Thor had realized why. "They believe we're surrendering."
"They do not-"
"Why else would I be back here but to be given to Jotunheim?"
Thor drew in sharp breath, the truth of Loki's words – those words at least – clicking instantly. He hurried out to the waiting-turned-treatment area.
"It's good to see you back, Loki. What can I do for you?"
"How many treatments will it take to remove this completely?" he asked, unbuckling the lowest of the leather straps over his forearm and rolling up his sleeve to expose his left wrist.
Eir examined the scar. "Four at a minimum, six at most, to fully heal it and leave no trace."
Loki nodded and readjusted his sleeve. "If Thor asks, we discussed it extensively and you administered the first treatment."
"If Thor asks, I will tell him that what goes on between patient and healer is private. You don't actually want the treatment?"
"Desperately, but not right now. I don't have time. Can you have a meal sent here? I don't have time for that either, so I thought I'd have it here, while we talk. The mortals call it multi-tasking."
Eir smiled and made a notation on the panel on her desk. "It will be here shortly. I warn you, it will be basic."
"As long as it hasn't been nuked in the microwave, I don't care."
Eir pursed her lips. "I'm not certain what that means, but I don't think you have cause for concern. How are your hands? You said you'd been frostburned. And the strength in the wrist you broke?"
He held his palm up to look; he'd forgotten about the frostburn. "Fine. The wrist…fine, I think."
"Sit over here. I'll take a quick look."
Loki sat in the chair by the wall, the one Eir usually used for basic preliminary exams. She looked at his wrist, and then the displayed image of it, before grasping it and applying a little further mending. "Should be as good as new. The remaining damage was minimal. The abrasions on the top of the hand, there's a little remaining tissue damage but it's very minor and actively healing, no need for further treatment. Your blood volume is almost entirely replenished," she added once she expanded the scan. "You shouldn't feel any effects from it, and I expect that in a few more hours it will be completely normal."
"Good," Loki said. He hadn't been worried about any of that – he hadn't even been aware of any abrasions on his hand – but it was good to know there was no cause for concern.
A knock sounded at the door, and Eir went to open it. In the threshold was Jolgeir, barely recognizable to Loki without uniform. Without arms. Hanging around his neck was a rope that held a tray, braced against his chest for stability.
Loki stood, immediately uncomfortable. He hadn't thought about this, having to deal with Aesir other than those who might prove necessary to his still-undetermined plan. "You deliver food now?" he asked. His tone sounded gruff. He hadn't really meant it to, but he didn't precisely regret it, either.
"Among other things, yes," Jolgeir said with a nod, looking him right in the eye – his vision had obviously returned – and clearly surprised to see Loki as well. "I deliver food to those who need it to restore their strength, for Asgard. Including you, my prince. I'm glad to see you returned."
Loki approached Jolgeir, coming much closer than he would have liked, to take the bowl and plate from the tray.
"I wanted to thank you, for the information about the Felingard Forest. Many lives were saved that day because of what you told me. And the other. We, ah, we don't speak of that without additional protections in place."
Vigdis. Loki knew he meant Vigdis. "You helped me escape."
"I helped you avoid further complications. I didn't know what was going on, but I hoped you might be able to share more information. Save more lives."
"I trust you," Jolgeir had said. It still set Loki on edge. Jolgeir still set Loki on edge. He cleared his throat. "I understand you spoke for me. In an informal inquiry."
"I was tasked with it," Jolgeir said with a nod, "but it was my honor and privilege to do so."
Loki felt shame. The first time he'd stumbled across Jolgeir, he'd tried to steal the Tesseract shortly afterward. The second time, he'd left Jane overheating on the bridge. And he'd had a knife to Jolgeir's throat and been very close to using it. "Trust" and "honor" and "privilege" were not words he deserved. Not from Jolgeir. Not from anyone, really, but especially not from Jolgeir.
He set his jaw. Winning a war would be difficult if he let himself wallow in these unpleasant feelings. "I thank you for it, Jolgeir. You may go."
Jolgeir bowed his head and left; Eir closed the door behind him.
Loki took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind of those memories. He sat back down, and Eir pulled up a narrow table for him to place his dishes on. There was a large chunk of bread and some stew; Eir poured him a glass of water while he started to eat. "No meat?" he asked after he'd had several bites. It was basic, but it was still good.
"There might be a little in it. We're running very low. Hunting is dangerous, the game population is dwindling due to the constant battles and the earlier freezing of the Eilif Springs, and a large proportion of the livestock was slaughtered early on and the meat dried, to avoid losing the animals later."
"They've been trying to starve you out," Loki said with a nod. Frigga had told him this, including what the Frost Giants had done to the Eilif Springs.
"Yes," Eir agreed. "The theory is that they're trying to force us to surrender as quickly as possible, to avoid a protracted war. We've had some success at limiting the damage they've done in that regard."
"I've heard, yes." Frigga had also told him about the false grain silos that had been destroyed, along with a few other deceptions, and he'd already known about the food shipments, primarily grain, from Midgard. He tore off a piece of bread and ate it, thinking it rather strange that he'd left the realm of the mortals only to be eating bread made from their grain in Asgard. He wondered what Jane was doing now.
"His Majesty – Thor, that is – believes that this is primarily King Gullveig's doing, and that King Nadrith is happy to let him sully his honor because it will ultimately provide an opportunity for Alfheim to take up Asgard's mantle as leader of the Nine Realms instead of Vanaheim."
Loki mulled that over for a moment. "Logical," he said after swallowing, somewhat begrudgingly. This his mother had not specifically noted; she'd merely mentioned that Nadrith was Asgard's captive, and that he seemed driven to regain some of the power his father had lost with his concessions to Svartalfheim. It was the moment Loki had decided that he would regain his own power by winning this war.
Eir pulled up a chair to sit across from him. "You know, although I am part of the Assembly, there are others who can better inform you of the war and the politics behind it."
"True," Loki said, running the last of his bread around the bowl he'd quickly emptied. "I value your wisdom nonetheless, Eir."
Eir smiled. "But it's not what you came to see me about, is it? Neither war nor politics, nor wrist nor palms nor scars."
"No," Loki said, setting down the bowl and a bit of crust. "I…have been troubled by something. I bring it to you in the strictest confidence."
"I have always kept your confidence, Loki. Nothing you say would change that now."
"I remain under judgement."
"Do you intend to commit a crime?"
Loki lifted an eyebrow. Since he didn't yet have a plan, he supposed technically he could not rule out committing a crime.
"Related to that which you bring to me," Eir clarified.
"No," Loki answered. "At least not at the moment."
"Then rest assured that I will keep your confidence as always. If I may guess…"
Loki nodded cautiously.
"Are you by chance troubled by poor sleep and strange dreams?"
Loki drew back, stunned, then stood up, putting distance between him and Eir, who remained in her seat. "How…"
"You had a dream. While you were unconscious, on Midgard. But dreams are marked by particular signs in the body. The type of eye movement and other physiological responses. The level, type, and location of specific brain activity. What I observed in you…it wasn't quite normal."
"Normal?" Loki asked sarcastically after a few seconds absorbing what Eir had said. "How much about me isn't quite normal that you have failed to mention over the years?"
"Nothing, actually. Well…a few things long ago, in your childhood. But you inhabit this form thoroughly. No one would examine you and have any cause to suspect you weren't born Aesir."
Loki slowly nodded. Eir alone had treated him not to prevent others from learning the family secret, but as a precaution in case the fact that he was actually a Frost Giant might have some unexpected effect on his health, he remembered learning from Odin. "Go on," he said. These "few things in his childhood" he would inquire about another time, perhaps, should the opportunity present itself.
"Would you care to silence the office?"
"I thought you already had privacy masks in place."
"I do. But I would feel more comfortable speaking if you provided a second layer of protection."
Loki nodded, then sealed the room. "Done," he said. It was the fourth time he'd done so today, which was highly unusual, but then his entire life had become rather unusual so he supposed it wasn't so surprising.
"How much do you know about Vigdis, about how she came to be used by Brokk of Svartalfheim?"
He settled back down in his chair. "A gemstone with the ability to disturb normal thought patterns was placed underneath her bed, presumably by Brokk. She grew weak; he took advantage."
"Not just any thought – dreams. The gem interfered with her sleep by causing vivid nightmares and other dreams full of fears and anxieties, often over things that made no sense to her upon waking. There was no solace to be found for her so long as the gem remained in place. Her deterioration was rapid; she's just nineteen years old. But when I examined her, including a sleep study on the effects of the gem, the physiological reflections of her dreaming were similar to yours."
Comprehension dawned rapidly, words giving voice to thoughts. "I had a scepter that contained a powerful gem. It was gifted to me by someone named Thanos, whom I encountered after my fall. I could do much with that gem, and the scepter that channeled and stretched its power. In proximity, it disturbed others' thoughts. In contact, it overwhelmed them. But it also served as a link, between me and…Thanos's lackey, really," Loki said, pausing to swallow over the awkward moment. "A communication link of a sort I hadn't previously known of. The gem would begin to brighten for no apparent reason, and then I'd be pulled back…it felt as though I no longer physically existed on Midgard, but of course in fact I never truly left. The dreams started…almost two months after I returned to Midgard. I don't know why then…perhaps it took him that long to reestablish the contact. But they must be made possible by some kind of remnant of the link that survives even without the scepter."
"A link that's only strong enough to be activated when your conscious mind is inactive…when you're more open to suggestion. The way something you hear when only lightly sleeping can find its way into a dream. Yes, I can see that. But where is the connection between you and Vigdis, your dreams and hers?"
"Directly, there is none. There is only a very clever link of a different sort: Brokk. Brokk has discovered a way to go wandering the cosmos without moving an inch. And he found Thanos. Or Thanos found him. How Brokk obtained the object he used against Vigdis, I also don't know."
"All right. And the nature of your dreams?"
Loki frowned, expression cross. Even Jane he'd not told everything about those dreams. And Eir…his trust in her was no longer absolute. He'd appreciated that she was always honest with him, only to find out that she'd been dishonest with him about the most fundamental thing of all, the most basic parameters of his own body. He needed something, though, and there was no one else who could help that he was willing to tell even a fraction of what he'd told Eir already. "They were memories. They started out as memories. Things Thanos's lackey knew about me. About my life. And then they…deviated. From the memory. Into something horrid and grotesque. Things meant to…" He trailed off, realizing he didn't know how to continue. How to express what those dream perversions were meant to do. Because he didn't want to think about what they had done. "To make me angry," he finally said.
"To cause you pain?"
Loki glared at Eir, but the look quickly faded, for yes, that was what the dreams had done. They had hurt. Badly. He gave a curt nod. "At first they followed a clear pattern. Three memories, three attempts to twist them, to entangle truth and lies. Afterward, a message from Thanos's lackey. A reminder."
"To be more precise…was it a threat?"
Loki considered it. That it was a threat did not require consideration. But the implicit corollary – that if it had been a threat, then he had felt threatened – did. "An empty threat, if you wish. He cannot reach me."
"Except that he can. When you've had no means to defend against it. You said the pattern changed. Do you know why?"
"Jane woke me, before the dream had played out. Apparently I become…vocal."
Eir nodded, and if she had any questions about where Jane had been and why, she did not voice them.
"Since then, I have the sense that he's annoyed with me, for not simply lying down and accepting his idea of a game. I avoided sleep as much as I could. Jane woke me a second time. And you…. I had odd, fleeting memories when I woke, after you healed me. You interrupted him again, I think."
"Many people healed you, Loki. Your father, by hurrying to your side and holding you up to help you breathe, your mother, by insisting I go to Midgard and by helping convince the Midgardians to work with us, the Midgardian healer Nora, by swiftly and competently treating Selby under difficult circumstances, Jane, by breaking a stone over your wound earlier such that it began its healing as soon as Selby was healed, and yes, me, by completing Selby's healing and then yours."
"All right. Thank you for clarifying," Loki said, flustered and turning to sarcasm to mask it. He hadn't known all that. He vaguely remembered Jane breaking a stone, but he had no memory at all of Odin holding him up, an image he found disconcerting. And whatever had gone on inside the station, of course, he hadn't been aware of or thought that much about.
"You're welcome. I thought you should know. But yes, I agree. Whatever you were experiencing while you were unconscious, it ended as soon as I touched you, before I'd done anything to ease it as His Majesty asked – your father, I mean."
Loki swallowed hard. "Was I speaking? Shouting?"
"No. You were twitching a bit. Your muscles tensed. You appeared to be in distress."
"Ah," Loki said in relief. Based on the contents of earlier dreams, he could have said aloud any number of things that he would not have wanted to in front of anyone else, least of all Odin.
"The dreams consisted of three memories which then deviated from reality in hurtful directions. In what way did this pattern change?"
"They became more…turbulent. More…" He trailed off. It was hard to put into words. "More unpredictable. More cruel," he finally said, looking away at the last.
"Then yes, I agree, he was angry at the interruptions. Those are hallmarks of actions taken in anger."
Loki met Eir's eyes and returned her pointed gaze; he was not so unaware as to not realize she was referring to him as well. More turbulent. More unpredictable. More cruel. Something to think about another time, perhaps. He had other priorities at the moment. "What can you do to stop it?"
"I've been thinking about it as we've talked. With Vigdis, it was easy. Remove the artifact from her presence and she slept at ease. With you…does it happen every time you sleep?"
"No. Though I sleep less often now and it happens more frequently."
"Because he's angry, I see. So it's not a passive connection, automatically triggered by sleep, but rather something he must personally initiate." Eir stood and went to her desk, where she pulled up an orange-lined model of what Loki recognized as a segment of brain activity.
"I need a solution, Eir, and I need it quickly, because I also need sleep. I cannot take the risk that…"
"What? What risk?" she asked, looking up from her model.
"On Midgard…there was something The Other, the only name Thanos's lackey ever went by, something he learned about me that he'd not known of before, something he then began building dreams from. Something I'd suddenly begun to think about after a long time of not thinking about it. And I'm certain that ultimately Thanos is behind this war."
"I see. There was no link to Vigdis; Brokk cannot now nor could he ever gain glimpses inside her mind. With you though…the link is direct, and it isn't one way."
Loki nodded. It wasn't one way, and he had no control over either direction. "You understand the urgency, then."
"Yes. I suspect that this person does not have the ability to access all memories; most likely he's limited to what you're actively recalling, or dreaming about on your own perhaps, at the moment the link is successfully activated. But even if that's true, you can't control where your mind goes, and the fastest way to make yourself think about a white horse is to tell yourself not to think about a white horse."
Loki inclined his head as indeed he could not force the sudden image from his mind. "Magic is again at my command, and given time, perhaps I could find a way to block or better yet sever the link myself, but-"
"But time is limited. Yes. I understand. When do you wish to sleep?"
"Now?" Loki said, relaxing for a moment and giving an unaffected laugh. Eir's manner was as ever reassuring; her reaction convinced him that she could do this, and do it quickly. "But I might lose all credibility if I go to bed immediately. Assuming I have any in the first place. I'm fairly certain Thor was a second away from aiming Mjolnir at my head when I told him I wanted a nap."
At that, Eir, too, laughed, though she quickly sobered. "Tempers here are frayed, Loki. You cannot imagine the extent of the death and devastation. No one has been untouched by it. Even if we somehow won today, it will take a century or more to recover."
"The Aesir are not such lazy builders as the Frost Giants," Loki scoffed.
"The ranks of the Einherjar have been terribly thinned. A people need defenders as well as builders and bakers and teachers and healers and farmers. A people need children, and children do not exist without a mother and a father. The realm's demographics have been shifted. That cannot be rectified in a few years. So if I may give you a word of advice?"
"You may," Loki said carefully, curious. It was not particularly like Eir to speak to him in this way.
"Mind your jests. Some matters are sacred."
He nodded. Provocation and unpredictability were all well and good, but he'd already admitted to himself that he needed to relearn how to recognize the lines that were best not crossed. He looked up to Eir, to thank her for the word of caution, and noticed the tension in her smile. "Have you lost someone?"
"My nephew. Gegnir. Two weeks ago. And many acquaintances."
"I'm sorry," Loki said, stomach churning, chastened. He'd known Gegnir. Not well, but he'd known him.
"Thank you. But no one can spare much time for mourning these days. We honor our lost by redoubling our efforts for Asgard. And I will also honor Gegnir by helping you sleep without risking information leaking to Thanos against your will. I still have the scans I was taking when you were dreaming on Midgard. What I don't have is recent scans of your brain functions during regular sleep patterns. If you'll take a quick nap for me here, I'll get those scans, then I should be able to isolate the outside interference and find a way to block it."
"How long?" he asked. He hadn't expected to be taking a nap in Eir's office.
"Perhaps twenty minutes of induced sleep – I can guide you into the different sleep stages in that time. Then…if all goes well…a couple of hours. If there are unforeseen complications, then longer, but I'll do my best to have a solution within two hours."
Loki nodded his assent, and Eir helped him get situated as his chair slowly morphed into a reclining lounger.
"Ready?" she asked.
"Ah…not yet. Eir…"
"Yes?"
"He could find me here. Now."
"If he does, I'll wake you right away. And I'll work as quickly as possible."
"Shouting won't wake me. Only physical contact, it seems."
"I don't normally wake my patients by shouting at them."
Loki nodded. He was procrastinating. He knew it; Eir surely knew it, though she was kind and responded seriously, without teasing or belittling. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gone to sleep without concern for what might happen once his eyelids closed. But this time it was only twenty minutes, and Eir would recognize the signs if the nameless one found him. Twenty minutes…
"Shall we begin?" Eir prompted.
"Not just yet." Eir stood back as he clamored up from the chair without changing its position to a more convenient one and hurried to the door. Outside, Thor was bent over a man on a pallet, but obviously keeping an eye on the door, for Loki counted just two seconds before Thor noticed him standing there. As soon as he did so, he put a hand on the man's shoulder, spoke some no doubt heroic and inspiring words, and threaded his way through the injured to Eir's office, where Loki signaled him inside.
"Is all well, Brother?"
"All is well, except that you are still not my brother. While you have been out fighting this war, who has actually been running it?"
"I…I don't…I have been running it, Loki."
"Mmmm. Let me put it this way. Who other than you can best fill me in on Asgard's plans and war efforts thus far? Not the strategies of putting how many warriors where, but the other efforts that Mother mentioned to me?"
"I suppose…whose mother?"
"What?"
"Whose mother?" Thor repeated, holding back his smile. "Because if you are referring to Frigga, and she is your mother, and she is also my mother, then…are we not bro-"
"All right, all right, I follow. You are brilliant and obviously a fine debater and your knowledge of the most basic elements of family trees is stunning. And you are not my brother. Now who can answer my questions?"
Thor sighed. "Bragi," he answered without further ado.
"Then fetch me Bragi. I will see him in twenty minutes. Oh, and you'd better send someone else after him. Who knows what might happen if you try to leave?"
"Fine, Loki. Will there be anything else?" Thor answered, unable to keep the sarcasm entirely from his voice.
"Not at the moment. That will be all."
Thor left and Loki closed the door right behind him.
"I'm ready, Eir," he said, settling down again. He felt a little better now, at least.
/
Well hello there! It's been a while, sorry, unavoidable complications. I was traveling in remote areas that were scorching hot, little free time, limited communications access, and so hot that all you want to do is collapse and drink your weight in water and the level of thought processes required for writing just ain't there. But hey, I have pictures of me hanging out on the edge of Victoria Falls and holding a caracal (...not at the same time). God wired me to love cats, that is all I can say. But back to Beneath. I have *22* pages written in the next chapter, which is actually nearly two chapters. So once I break it into two, I'll have a huge chunk of 158 done as well, which will hopefully translate into a pretty quick release of the next chapter.
Previews: Loki learns some new things; Jane tries to resume her life without Loki.
No excerpt this time, couldn't find a good one, sorry!