WAIT. Have you read Chapter 179, released the day before this one? Double-check if you aren't sure, because this chapter follows directly from that one.
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Beneath
Chapter One Hundred Eighty – Root, Part Two
Thor picked up the only other chair in the room and carried it over. It was small and simple, meant more for decoration than the one Loki was in. He didn't mind; he didn't need or want to be comfortable right now. He reviewed Jane's advice again as he got settled. "Be honest with him. Let him speak but don't try to force him to. Take him seriously." He wondered if it might have gone better before if he'd thought more carefully about what Jane said then. Probably not, he decided. He'd been honest with Loki, as best he could. He'd let Loki speak. He'd at least tried to take Loki seriously. But Loki hadn't yet been fully honest with him, not until tonight. "Thank you for being honest with me, Bro-. Loki," he corrected. "While I was cleaning up, I was trying to think of anything else I might have said before enemies without thinking. I remembered two things, and I wish to confess them to you. You have a right to know. On Midgard, when you were imprisoned on that aircraft, I tried to defend you to the others. Not your actions there, but that you should be treated with respect. Bruce had called you crazy. Like a bag of cats."
"Colorful," Loki commented. And depending on the type of cat… But he hadn't been crazy. Just very, very angry.
"And Natasha pointed out that you had killed 80 people in 2 days. I was angry and…and embarrassed, and…I'm sorry, Loki."
Oh, this is going to be bad, Loki thought with a grimace he couldn't entirely tamp down. Thor was apologizing before he even got to whatever it was he'd said. And Loki wasn't proud of the "accomplishment" Natasha had cited the way he once might have been. These weren't even the ones Jane had berated him about; they must have been in that underground facility he'd arrived in, that had collapsed after they left. A few he'd killed, and the rest…he'd never particularly thought about others dying there.
"I told them you're adopted," Thor said, tensing and bracing for Loki's response. He suspected there would finally be one.
Loki fought to retain his stillness against the minute twitches that a sudden rage brought to his face and his fingers. His darkest secret, the secret that had destroyed his entire life…and the Avengers knew it? All of SHIELD? Each of Midgard's hundreds of national governments? He'd zealously protected that secret, including on Midgard, even from Jane, and half the planet knew? Uncertainty crept in. He remembered that confrontation with Tony Stark, on the front side of the elevated station, and some obnoxious reference to "issues" and not knowing the details about them. Not a word about adoption, or Jotunheim, or Laufey, or jests about icebergs or icicles that would have most likely pushed him over the edge and resulted in a dead Tony Stark. No. Had he known, he would have found a way to rub that in his face; he would've been incapable of not doing so. "You told who what, exactly?" he asked in a low voice.
"Bruce Banner. He's the one who…ah…"
"I know who he is," Loki said with a scowl. The green beast, at least, was too stupid to tell anyone. Bruce Banner, however, was an unknown. "Unfortunately. Who else?"
"Steve Rogers, the one known as Captain America."
"Mm-hm." If asked to, Loki thought, the captain would probably keep his mouth shut.
"Natasha Romanov. The one who-"
"Yes, Thor, I know. I know who they all are. I didn't carry out that attack blindly. Their man Clint Barton told me all about them."
Thor shifted in his not-quite-comfortable chair and looked away for a moment. With Loki now back in Asgard, helping Asgard, picturing him systematically plotting to attack those Thor now called friend was disconcerting. "Maria Hill. She was the only other one there."
Loki narrowed his eyes, then nodded as though he knew exactly who she was; revealing that he didn't certainly wasn't happening after his frustrated outburst. He knew the name, but little else. He'd focused his attention on those he considered the greatest threat to him and his plan, those included in the "Avengers Initiative."
"But they could have told others. They, too, want to know their enemies."
"So you told them I could encase them in ice and shatter them into frozen shards?"
"No. The Ice Casket was back in the vault by then. You couldn't do that." Thor hesitated. Loki had used the Casket in that way against Heimdall, but the regular Jotuns could create an impressive amount of ice from their own bodies. "Could you?"
"No," Loki said, though in truth he didn't know. But the idea was abhorrent enough that the answer, practically speaking, was still 'no.'
"I never told them about Jotunheim, only that you were adopted. They didn't ask, and I said nothing more. They don't know you aren't Aesir by blood."
"Then that is nothing. You're leaving something out, to have spoken of it with such trepidation."
"I'm leaving nothing out. Loki, I…I denied you."
"And I have denied you a thousand times over. Still do, I might add," Loki said, lifting an eyebrow. As he thought about it, though, Thor's attitude toward the thoughtless words he'd spoken made sense. For Thor the biggest test of regard for a brother was still how often and how loudly he shouted the word "brother," and not the million other words on either side of it. "Adopted" wasn't what bothered him. It would have been a shock regardless, and a disappointment and a struggle to come to terms with, but he remembered the conclusion Jane had earlier leapt to, that his true parents had died in the Ice War, and his realization that he thought that would have been all right, being adopted from an Einherjar war hero and his proud loving wife. "Adopted" he could live with. It was where he'd been adopted from. But then he saw a problem. "You've been sending Asgardians there."
Thor waited for Loki to continue, watching as thoughts flickered openly over his face, thoughts he was certain he would be able to read like words if he had not drifted so far from Loki. But he could not read them, and it took a few seconds for the implication of what he'd said to sink in. "If it's ever come up, no one has mentioned it. They've only met with Tony and Pepper; I'll ensure they both know that it's a private family matter, and that I was wrong to bring it up the way I did."
Loki gave a low, throaty laugh. "That is the surest way to guarantee that the next person you send is greeted with, 'Welcome to Earth. I'm Tony Stark. Have you seen my amazing gold-titanium alloy suit of armor that I built with my superior intellect? And oh! By the way, Loki is adopted,'" he said, mimicking Tony's voice and accent. "Actually, I might even come before the metal suit. I suppose I'd be insulted if I didn't."
"I can be very convincing when I want to be, Loki. I will convince him. And anyone else who needs convincing."
"See that you do," Loki said quietly. He knew that particular look of determination on Thor's face. Thor would convince them. "You said there were two things?"
Thor took a deep breath. Loki hadn't been nearly as upset about that as he'd expected. "Yes. Not long after you were sent to Midgard, before the war started, Father was in the Sleep. I went to see Gullveig, to try to find out what the other realms were hiding from us. And I gave in and admitted that you tried to destroy Jotunheim. I didn't want to. I felt terrible. But it was clear that he already knew…and I saw no way around it…wait. How did he know? We were wondering about that, at the time. He said you'd turned the bifrost on them, and that I stopped you. At the time that information was closely held. Only the Assembly and a few others knew. How did Gullveig know?"
He heard it from Svartalfheim's Quartet, who heard it from Brokk, who heard it from Thanos, who heard it from me. "How should I know?"
"What aren't you telling me?"
"Where to begin," Loki muttered. He was getting that a lot today.
"The beginning."
Loki rolled his eyes. "It was a jest, Thor. I don't know how he knew that was me. I wasn't even here, so how could I?"
"No, you weren't," Thor said with sudden realization. "You were with Thanos. And Thanos had a lackey, and Thanos's lackey had a lackey. Brokk. And it was Brokk who swayed Svartalfheim and in turn each of the other realms to ally against Asgard. You told Thanos, didn't you?"
Loki stared in disbelief. He had not expected that. But then, he supposed he hadn't expected that first revelation Thor had dropped on him, either. It was a night for surprises. "I might have," he finally allowed through thinly parted lips. Thor was paying much more attention than he ever used to; Loki knew he had to nip this in the bud if he wanted to avoid Thor interrogating him about Thanos again. Much better that Thor continue confessing his wrongs. "What difference does it make now? And what you told Gullveig, you said he already knew anyway, so it's immaterial. Hardly the same thing as degrading me in front of the Frost Giants. Or even denying me before your Avenger friends. What else have you got? Is that really all?"
"That was all I could think of. If there's more you recall, I would like you to tell me. I'm glad you told me about Jotunheim."
"All right. Here's one. You do know that those you consistently refer to as 'our friends' are in fact my enemies?"
"They thought you were plotting something, and you were. But they are not your enemies."
"Really, Thor? When they went to retrieve you from Midgard, they were violating my direct order as Asgard's lawful king. And that order was simply to leave Odin's order in place. I didn't banish you, remember?"
"I remember. But you were ecstatic when Father did," Thor added, restating rather than accusing. It still wasn't easy to accept, even if he understood some of what led up to it now.
"Yessss," Loki said, ferocity in his face and voice. "And my feelings about Odin's command have nothing to do with the lawfulness of either his or my commands."
"All right. I'll think on this. Anything else?"
Loki considered it. He could mention Heimdall. But he expected nothing from Thor's "thinking," and the cautious understanding he'd developed with Heimdall was probably more valuable than a bit of gloating over a punishment that would never actually befall him anyway. "No. Are you finished then?"
"I've barely started."
Loki settled himself back in his chair at an angle, draping one leg over the side with one still on the footrest, and grumbling, "I should have set a time limit." In truth, though, while he was uneasy with Thor's continued presence, after the things he'd shouted at Thor that he was still very conscious of, he was also curious; the renewed displays of apathy were now a more deliberate mask. This was different. Thor was different, somehow. And neither angry nor defensive, which Loki had rather expected.
"I'm glad you didn't." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, perhaps, he admitted to himself, just for a few more seconds' procrastination. "When you said you wanted to be my equal…I thought it was sheer madness. Not because you weren't my equal, but because you were. When I looked back on it later, I thought you'd recreated the entire cosmos around the idea that no one cared about you, that…that everyone looked down upon you, as if everyone already knew you were from Jotunheim, and that was why you'd said such a thing."
The swinging of Loki's leg, dangling over one arm of the chair, stopped. Suddenly he wasn't so certain he shouldn't retroactively instate a time limit. One that ended approximately now.
"These I thought were your imagined slights. Because of course we all cared about you. Even if we teased – me, the Warriors Three, Sif – we always cared."
Ah, back on the same old track, Loki thought. The idea that Sif, in particular, had "always cared" was laughable. Unless by "caring" Thor was including the smoldering looks she sometimes gave him, and incorrectly interpreting her desire to see him go up in literal flames as lust.
"But this isn't about them. I can't speak for them. It's about you and me. When Tony laughed about Mjolnir carrying me slowly, he wasn't truly disparaging me, but still I didn't like it. I wasn't used to it. No one in Asgard teased me like that. Well, perhaps you did, but…not like that. Or perhaps like that, sometimes, but…Tony flew faster," he said as the heart of the matter revealed itself. "Tony flew faster. And you didn't."
Because I can't fly, you oaf. Your fists were rather insistent on that point. But he was determined not to say another word now. That would only make this take longer. He would listen to whatever Thor felt he needed to say, then bid him good night. Perhaps order a light meal while he considered more pressing issues. Though it was gratifying to hear that the Iron Idiot took insulting jabs at Thor, too.
"Whatever jests came my way, they weren't aimed at my strength or my courage. How fast Mjolnir carried me. My honesty. My honor."
Loki's lips parted to draw in a deliberate heavy breath that he held for a moment before releasing. "Tony flew faster. You didn't." Thor's seemingly pointless ramblings were, seemingly, not pointless; Loki's pretense of apathy – not fully pretense when Thor had first returned – fell away. Loki had underestimated him in this, and now listened with bated breath.
"What others said to us, what we said to each other, it was about different things. Things that carry different weight. And if I'm to be completely honest…with myself as well as with you…the things that you bested me in…I didn't think those were as important." Thor forced his gaze back up from the floor where it had fallen. Loki's bore into him, betraying no reaction. "You see, I was convinced that you were my equal, and that everyone knew you as such, including me. But then when I returned to Midgard to ask Tony to look for you, because I wanted to be able to protect you," he couldn't help adding, "he was…not very enthusiastic about the idea. He told me how you tried to make people kneel to you on Midgard, and I didn't understand that. I didn't understand why you would need that, or want it.
"So I was thinking" – "Congratulations!" he expected Loki to say, but Loki said nothing – "maybe you needed to feel better than me, superior to me, not just equal. And the idea of you being better" – he paused, swallowed heavily, if Loki didn't truly hate him before he would now – "it seemed so preposterous I couldn't even imagine it." He thought he saw Loki's throat moving, but otherwise he was perfectly still and silent. "It was…" Thor looked away for a moment, searching to recapture what he'd felt at the time, and when he did, the word came to him immediately. "I was ashamed. I am ashamed."
Loki stared, frozen with hidden shock. That Thor thought he was superior was no shock at all, but rather something Loki had been aware of for a long time; that Loki agreed was something he didn't like to think about…except when he drowned himself in it. That Thor admitted it, and spoke of shame in the realization of it…that was the shock. He'd never said anything remotely like this in his life. Loki found himself searching for the lie. The intent to manipulate him, to gain something from this. But Thor didn't lie. Thor couldn't lie, not like this. Loki continued to stare.
The silence draped heavily over the room. Thor thought even his own breathing sounded heavy. Maybe it really was.
"But even then," he continued when Loki didn't respond, "I didn't think about how that sense that I'd had somewhere deep down, that I was better than you, how that bled into everything else. And I wish you had told me. I don't mean to blame you, Loki. I don't blame you. I just wish I had known a thousand years ago. Because it wasn't intentional. I swear to you it wasn't. I grew up so close to you it was as though you were a part of me. I never wanted to hurt you, it would be like hurting myself. Competition was a constant with us. Natural, I think. But I knew I was stronger than you, and that I would always be stronger than you, even before we came of age. I used to be protective of you in that, but as we grew into adulthood I suppose I no longer saw myself as your protector, not when you didn't need one anymore. I grew arrogant. Further from the truth of brotherhood. I didn't think about how my words affected you. I just didn't think."
You're right, I didn't need a protector. I needed a brother who respected me. The thought was clear, sharp, and aimed directly at the man in the chair across from him, enough so that it almost seemed audible. But Loki didn't say a word. He didn't trust himself to do so.
"And then tonight, you tell me…Loki, when I thought back on that day on Jotunheim, I knew I shouldn't have spoken to you as I did. But while this is between you and me, its effects have been far broader than I realized. Even had you truly done wrong, and I truly had authority over you, I never should have reprimanded you like that, in front of anyone else, much less an enemy. It was unconscionable, the basest disrespect, and I'm deeply sorry for it. A man who shows disrespect to his brother in front of an enemy is not a good man." Thor paused, because that was particularly painful. He'd thought he was a good man, the epitome of an honorable warrior. But he'd been blind to even more flaws than Odin's banishment had revealed.
"I am ashamed," Loki could hear Thor saying again. His heart thudded heavily, and he felt small, and rather vulnerable. And that seemed wrong; Thor was the one baring himself, and speaking of his own shame. Thor didn't look the least bit small or vulnerable.
"All I can say is that I recognize the wrong of it now, and I swear I'll strive to do better. To be a better man. A better brother. If you give me the chance. I do desire your forgiveness, Loki."
A frown flitted over Loki's face before it smoothed over again, accompanied by an instantaneous resistance to any talk of forgiveness. Everything else was hazy and uncertain, unexpected and overwhelming, but this was a moment of absolute clarity amidst the deluge. And then a haze began to fall over that, too. Loki planted both feet back on the floor and resolutely stood. It wasn't half as impressive as he'd pictured it in the instant before he did it; bare feet and sleepwear rather undermined the effect. He resisted the sudden urge to conjure his most regal and imposing attire, right up to his heaviest helmet. That would be childish. "That sounded like a finale, at last. You could have saved us both a great deal of time if you'd just jotted all that down in your journal before bestowing it upon me," Loki said, forcing a nonchalant tone to his voice and haughty frown to his face. Thor was a good man. And Loki wasn't.
Thor stood, too, and tried not to dwell on how little his scraping so painfully deep into himself had meant to Loki. "I would have, if all of it had occurred to me then. You know these kinds of insights don't come easily to me, Loki. The journal helped. But you're right, what you said before. The journal's advantage as well as its flaw was that it couldn't talk back. I suppose you could say I was ignoring you yet again…but in my defense, you weren't here. The journal was all I had. Now I have you, too." Loki was as though a figure from Statuary Hall, so Thor continued. "I can't change who I was then. I've been trying to change who I am now. Now I have some more things to think about, so again, I thank you for your honesty. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you."
Loki lifted an eyebrow, relief flooding and relaxing him. This was familiar, simpler ground.
"I didn't mean it like that," Thor put in hastily. "I know you don't easily speak of your true feelings. I think you…guard yourself by not revealing them. I think sometimes you guard yourself too much."
"You've finished telling me about you, and now you're going to tell me about me? That's a path I recommend you not pursue."
"I wouldn't dream of it. I know that wouldn't go well. But I want you to know that I do understand now what you were doing on Midgard, after the battle in New York. I knew you were in pain, and I knew you didn't want the others to know. Your magic was suppressed. You were far from peak condition. And you gave up your last defenses – your last knife and even the sharpness of your mind. You're right, I should have known that you wanted my protection and couldn't say-"
"I did not want your-"
"You all but said so yourself earlier. You wanted my protection, because you couldn't have known how the victors would treat you, whether they might seek revenge. And you knew that if you were helpless, then-"
"I was not helpless."
"Poor choice of word but you know what I mean," Thor said, an appeasing hand outstretched. "You knew that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you if you clearly couldn't properly defend yourself. I missed the signals that you feared for your safety but couldn't say so, and wanted me to stay. And I never imagined that you might need protection from your scepter."
"Where do you think I got that scepter?" Loki snapped, unsettled by Thor's open talk of matters Loki had deliberately not spoken of openly, on top of the rawness of everything that had come before.
Thor looked at him in confusion. "You told me you got it from Thanos," he said, mind racing. "But I meant the Midgardians. Were you in danger from Thanos through the scepter? Loki, is Midgard in danger from Thanos through the scepter?"
Loki fought to keep his reaction in check. He had let this conversation – Thor – rattle him. Of course Thor meant danger from the Midgardians. "No one is in danger," Loki bit out. That wasn't at all true, but the truth was off limits. As for the danger to the Midgardians, if they hadn't learned their lesson about prolonged exposure from the first time, then that was hardly his fault. He'd taught them the lesson rather well, after all. But it was only Loki who Thanos and The Other had a direct link to through the scepter. It occurred to him now that Tony Stark could – and probably would – tell Thor all about what had happened in the bathroom. He might even show a video of it. Thor would know there was nothing normal about that, and that Loki couldn't call objects to him, not the way he'd implied. Thor might actually connect the dots. He was thinking things through more…and he was thinking things through specifically about him more, because Loki himself had driven him to it. Brilliant, Loki. You were better off having a dumb oaf of a false brother who just laughed and went on his merry way without a second thought to anything. He broke the eye contact he'd been holding. No you weren't. He tamped the thought down as soon as it came. One night of apologies – even thoughtful, sincere, shocking apologies – didn't change anything. And it didn't matter anyway, because… He was still trying to think of the "because" when Thor spoke again.
"It's a cursed, cruel weapon. I hope it never sees the light of day again. I hate this Thanos for the chaos he threw the Nine Realms into, all the death and destruction he caused, but he couldn't have done that were it not for all the petty grudges and jealousies and greed that were already there. I think I hate him more for putting that abomination in your hands."
Loki blanched. Petty grudges and jealousies and greed? It seemed a revelation and at the same time something he'd always known. He offered, I accepted. It was as simple as that. But it wasn't, he reminded himself. He played me the same way he played Brokk, the same way Brokk played the Quartet, Gullveig, Nadrith, and the rest. Thor was watching him, looking concerned, and Loki looked away and turned to idly swipe through the books on his shelf. If Thor hated Thanos for putting the scepter in his hands, how much more would he hate him for the dreams? The attempts to twist his memories? How well Loki could still picture Thor throwing him from the bifrost, instead of him letting go and falling. Thor holding him down under the water to drown him, or tossing him into boiling water, laughing all the while, taking pleasure in his pain and humiliation. It hadn't worked; Loki had always managed to separate out the falsehoods after. But had some of it managed to worm its way in regardless? He had fought against the specific memories…not the emotions they stirred and heightened in him. He'd managed to discard the false memories, but had he managed to discard their effects? This had never occurred to him before, and it was horrifying. He'd already hated and rejected Thor and Odin and Asgard, his thoughts and feelings were his own. But he'd become irrational; he knew that now. Failed to think plans through carefully, missed key bits of information he should have caught…he'd become reckless. Carried out acts of thoughtless violence that he never would have before. He had genuinely not cared if Thor lived or died when he dropped him from the helicarrier. And not in the midst of heated battle trading angry vicious blows, but in a calm, quiet moment, when Thor was completely defenseless against him.
"Loki? Are you listening to me?"
"Unfortunately," he responded automatically, throwing his effort into getting himself back under control; he'd grown close to tears without realizing it.
"I know your grudges weren't petty. Your anger wasn't petty." He hadn't intended that implication, the one he was certain Loki had understood, from the unexpectedly raw emotions playing over Loki's face. "I wasn't talking about you."
"There is such a thing as overthinking, Thor," Loki said, dragging his focus back to the here and now. "He offered, I accepted. It was as simple as that."
"All right," Thor agreed, in a tone that he hoped conveyed that he didn't agree. Loki wasn't a simple man, and nothing he did or said was ever simple. It may have been part of a manipulation of Nadrith, but Loki himself had insinuated that he, too, had been manipulated. And Loki, he realized, had probably been in just the right frame of mind for such manipulation, something he would otherwise not fall prey to easily, being such a master at it himself. Just the right frame of mind…that Thor had helped put him in with the way he'd treated Loki the day of his intended accession. "I'm sorry for what befell you. Whatever happened later, I know that ruling Midgard didn't start out as one of your life goals."
A choked laugh escaped, and Loki decided, why not laugh? So he laughed. It wasn't quite raucous, but it was better than any other alternative, and Thor joined in, and it was almost pleasant. The thought sobered him and halted the laughter. He couldn't let this diminish his resolve. Thor hadn't once dragged out the old "brother" argument – the easiest battle for Loki to fight, the proxy battle – and had instead gone straight to the root of the problem. But he couldn't give in. Yes, Thor had apologized for his true wrongs, and had made some rather stunning confessions, both in their honesty and simply in Thor's ability to grasp them in the first place, after all these years of blind ignorance. It was impressive; Loki could admit it…at least to himself. But that still didn't mean he could walk right back into his old life and pretend the previous millennium had never happened…or think that Thor's attitudes would or even could change. He'd confessed he'd long thought he was better than Loki. He hadn't added that his belief had changed. Of course, if he had, Loki would have known he was lying.
Still, it was impressive, and it deserved to be acknowledged. "Writing in that journal I think made you more…reflective. It was your first attempt at truly being honest with yourself. I apologize for having mocked it. That was unfair of me, but then you know I've never been much for playing fair. You are a good man, Thor. On balance," he added with a wiggling wave of his hand. "Not as good as you once thought you were, but that's for the best, isn't it? You thought too much of yourself, and too little of everyone else. But only a good man would be able to admit the things you did. And lest you think I've dismissed what you've said, I haven't. I understand it, even. What it must feel like for you, to realize such things about yourself, and to speak them aloud. It's difficult when what you've always thought of yourself…of who you are…when you find out that you're not that at all, that instead you're something so much worse."
"You aren't worse," Thor cut in, voice imploring Loki to believe him. "Not because of-"
"Hush. This isn't about me," Loki said. Though of course it was. It was about both of them. "I just wanted to say…I appreciate the difficulty in what you've said here tonight, and I appreciate the clear and, I must admit, surprising effort that you've put into all this." Into me, Loki thought at the same time, while taking care to avoid saying it, because it brought a twinge to his heart and would cede more to Thor than he was willing to give. "But words aren't the same as actions."
"I know. My actions will follow my words."
No, they won't, Loki thought. Not even with your best intentions. "Is that all then? It's getting late, and I do still have some tasks ahead of me for the night. And perhaps a meal to order."
"Yes," Thor said, trying not to let any of his disappointment show. He would not foist his expectations on Loki, but he really had hoped for more to come of this. What mattered was that he'd admitted something that needed to be acknowledged, both to himself, and, in light of what Loki had raised tonight, to Loki as well. That they had not fought, though, and that Loki had acknowledged his effort, that was something. Something big, Thor thought, recalling how Loki had just spoken to him. "Except…I do have two questions for you, if you don't mind. On official matters."
"Very well. Go ahead," Loki said, casting his sigh of relief as one of exasperation. It was over, and he had Thor's oath that it was over.
"I haven't yet heard anyone's reactions to the false limbs, and I'm very curious. Will you tell me your impressions?"
"I don't know," Loki said, eyebrows raised. It wasn't a question he'd been expecting, not right now. "To be honest – since we're doing that now – I've given it very little thought since returning to Asgard. I will, I've just been busy with other things. First, they don't call them 'false limbs.' They call them 'prosthetic limbs.' Second, not everyone uses them. Some choose not to, for various reasons, and there's no dishonor in using them or not using them. Third, their forms are varied, with some focused on lifelike appearance and some focused on function. You may recall, we once saw a Vanir who had a grasping tool attached to an arm missing its lower half; Gilla told us there had been some terrible accident. Implements focused on function are not unheard of in the other realms. Fourth, I had to send for Eir, because the most sophisticated of their prosthetic arms are complex in ways unfamiliar to Asgard. Some of them connect tiny mechanical parts to nerve endings. It sounds like something from a nightmare, but it provides the wearer physical sensation from the prosthetic hand. There is…an emotional association with this, in addition to the increased functionality."
Thor nodded, turning the ideas over in his head. He did remember the Vanir, though it was a long time ago and he'd forgotten until Loki mentioned it. And connecting mechanical parts to one's nerves did sound like something from a nightmare. And extremely painful, though Loki hadn't mentioned that. "Do they cause pain?"
"They can irritate the skin around the stump of the natural limb. The weight can strain the muscles, and the pressure of a leg stump on a prosthetic leg can cause pain."
"You've returned with a great deal of knowledge," Thor said, impressed with how quickly and confidently Loki could answer. And without the slightest tone of disdain in his voice for the Midgardians.
"I listened. It wasn't that difficult."
"Still, I thank you for it, and for sending for Eir. I hadn't thought of that. I look forward to the rest of your thoughts, once you've had time to collect them. How did it go with Tony?"
"If you want me to answer that, I'm going to consider it your second question, answer it, then insist you leave."
"Never mind. What about the treaty negotiations? I'm meeting with Bragi after this, but I want to know your thoughts, too. You're welcome to join us, of course."
"I'm changed for the night and I'm not changing back. There's no need, anyway. The position of each of the other realms can be summed up as follows: 'It wasn't my fault.' They blame Svartalfheim, or Vanaheim – Nadrith will be ecstatic to hear that no one is blaming Alfheim despite how vocal he was on the war. His own people might feel differently, of course, but that's his problem. The only sticking point is Brokk, who everyone blames. It's a point that I intend to win, so if you wouldn't mind, tell Bragi that at the appropriate time – he'll know when that is – he has to drop Asgard's claim on him."
"Asgard's claim on Brokk? Svartalfheim has already arrested him, then?"
"No. They did turn on him, but he anticipated that and fled before they could capture him. Alfheim, Vanaheim, Svartalfheim, they all want Brokk's hide. And Asgard. Nidavellir and Muspelheim decided they didn't want to be left out and asked for him, too. But he's mine. He betrayed me. The others just want a scapegoat. They were allies, why are they even allowed to make demands of each other? It's an absurd process."
"I hadn't thought about it like that before," Thor conceded. "I suppose it's the strange nature of the victory. They don't come to the table as an enemy defeated. Bragi explained the format and I didn't oppose it. It's too late to change it now, don't you think?"
"Of course it's too late to change it now," Loki snapped, then calmed himself. "It's fine. It makes sense. Everyone needs to come out of this feeling a victor in some small thing. It's good diplomacy, under the circumstances. I just didn't anticipate everyone laying a claim on Brokk."
"You should know that I told Bragi to lay that claim. I want him surrendered to us to be judged for conspiring to incite war, and for what he did to Vigdis. But more importantly, we believe that the gem hidden beneath Vigdis's bed, the one that drove her to the brink of madness, is somehow related to the gemstone that was powering the scepter you had. If Brokk got the gem used against Vigdis from Thanos…that means that Brokk knows how to get to Thanos. If we get Brokk, we can get Thanos. And it's Thanos we need to take down."
Loki considered that. Taking down Thanos was a goal he could happily subscribe to as well; he certainly had no love for the mad creature who enjoyed bestowing unwanted gifts – Loki was probably the only one who had ever actually wanted one of Thanos's "gifts," and he shuddered at what that said about him. But for Loki, Brokk was much more than a rung on the ladder to Thanos. Brokk had given him over as a prize to The Other and Thanos, content to leave his empty body sitting on Brokk's couch until he eventually died there. Brokk had learned he was a Frost Giant, and had planned to deposit him back on Asgard for his enemies to capture him and send him to Jotunheim, reveling in Loki's disgrace. For that alone, Loki desired his death.
Thor was right in that Thanos was the bigger prize. Loki didn't know how Brokk had gotten his hands on whatever was used against Vigdis, but he did know something that Thor didn't: Brokk did not know how to get to Thanos. Not physically. Not in any way useful to Asgard. And no matter how big Thanos was, physically or metaphorically, Thanos had never betrayed him. Loki had signed on with every bit of enthusiasm Thanos claimed, but he'd never been under the illusion that he and Thanos were equal partners in that particular plot. He and Brokk had been partners, friends in a sense, though it was jarring to put that word to it now. Partners in mischief and adventure and secret defiance. Dabbling in magic that Loki backed away from and Brokk didn't.
And Thanos did need to be dealt with. He was a madman with an insatiable appetite for death, and an interest in both Asgard and Midgard now. He tortured and maimed and made his "children" thank him for it – Loki was thankful he'd wound up with a bargain instead of a place on Thanos's metal table. Through his sycophant lackey he maintained a connection forged by Loki's command of the scepter, invading his sleep whenever he felt like it, tormenting him with nightmares, pulling at him when the scepter was near. Ensuring the scepter was kept far from him and sleeping with Eir's solution next to his bed did not erase that this remained a fundamental weakness, one which he could not abide.
But Thanos could wait. "I. Want. Brokk. Ensure that I have what I need to get him, and that nothing stands in my way of pursuing him, and I'll in turn ensure that he confesses everything he knows about Thanos. I swear it."
"I'll speak with Bragi about it. But I think Asgard has the best argument. Here, we have accused him of a specific crime, multiple forms of abuse of an underage Asgardian citizen, some of which I myself personally witnessed. Finnulfur is confident we have enough evidence to easily obtain a judgement in our favor. That should give Asgard a strong case in the negotiations, and from there we can pursue Thanos."
"You wouldn't even know about Vigdis if it weren't for me," Loki pointed out.
"That's true," Thor said, grudging smile shifting to a warmer one. "You were helping Asgard even while exiled to Midgard. I will talk to Bragi. Perhaps we can find a way to both get what we want. You aren't forbidden from working out a joint strategy."
"Tell him I'll meet with him in the morning, before the second session begins." He didn't think further arguing would do any good, and – in what seemed to be a common theme lately – he was fighting the wrong battle, anyway. Winning the demand for Brokk was important, but it wasn't critically important. If Asgard, or Alfheim, Vanaheim, or any of the other realms won him, Loki would still take him. Finding Brokk was critically important.
"I'll do that. And Brokk is really the only point of conflict?"
"The only serious one, yes. No one's going to want to offer all of the apologies and regrets and statements of implicit responsibility that everyone else wants. But as long as they can work in some version of 'but it was really Brokk's fault' they'll get over it. Everyone wants to put this in the past and move on from it as quickly as possible. I think we can have a treaty prepared for signatures by tomorrow night."
"Tomorrow night?" Thor echoed in shock. "Loki, treaties take… Tomorrow night?"
"Tomorrow night," Loki confirmed. And then suddenly felt much less confident. He wasn't concerned that the treaty wouldn't be finalized for signing by then, he was concerned that it would be finalized for signing by then. He quickly ran through timeframes and time differences. "No, the next day. Late morning or early afternoon. I don't foresee any delays beyond then," he said. Not when he would push precisely as hard as needed for negotiations to conclude when he wanted them to. "You can plan to keep Nadrith through tomorrow night, and release him the next day. Bragi can have the signatures in place by late afternoon, and mead can flow through the night."
Thor laughed, shaking his head. "You make it all sound so simple. As though it will be thus merely because you say so. But how can I doubt you when you when you said you'd win a war in two days and you did?"
"One and a half, but who's counting?"
"Who, indeed?" Thor answered, biting back the "Brother" that wanted badly to slip from his tongue. The tension between them was much abated, but Thor knew that didn't mean all was well, far from it. He wasn't about to destroy what little progress he might have made with a simple mistake like that.
"Since you don't question my timing, why don't you start planning for a celebratory feast?"
"Where the mead can flow through the night? I like the sound of that," Thor agreed.
"Everyone will like the sound of that. I understand there's been no mead at the High Table for some time now."
"The taverns have been closed, too. No one to run them. No one to cook, no one to serve."
"Let them reopen, if they're able. But perhaps give it another two or three days for public celebrations. Best not to ask the other leaders to sign the treaty while all around them Asgard prepares for revels. Your advisors should mark the day, though. They've worked hard and you need to reward them. And I saw the evidence of the strain you've been under in that journal. You are Asgard and I am Vanaheim? Really, Thor? Is that some new kenning I'm unaware of? I don't think it will catch on. I'm fairly certain that no one in the Nine Realms or beyond will hear 'Vanaheim' and think 'Loki.'"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Except yes, I was usually exhausted when I wrote in it."
"Obviously."
"All right. It's a good idea. We can schedule it around Assembly, with the War Council as well."
"I think you're missing the point. Not a meeting, Thor, a celebration. The Assembly and the War Council, fine, yes, but not only them. I imagine you've hardly seen your friends all this time. Invite them as well, if for nothing else than to remind yourself you're not in a meeting. The realm's leaders need to relax and let off some steam. Have a little fun. I never thought I'd need to explain that to you of all people."
"I've hardly seen you all this time. Will you come?"
"Your friends are not my friends, remember?"
"It's your choice, of course, but I'd like for you to be there. A seat at that table belongs to you still."
"Is that so? And who among your guests will be happy to have the seat next to mine?"
"I would, for one. But you misjudge people, Loki. And any who truly cannot see beyond the past, they may sit elsewhere. Oh!" Thor said as an idea occurred to him. "What if I invite Jane? You already know she wouldn't mind sitting next to you."
"Jane?" Loki repeated, eyebrows stretching higher. "Odin would never approve of that."
"He's not king. It's my choice. And you're right, I've spent little time with my friends the last few months. But of all those I hold dear, I've wanted to see Jane the most. And you, of course, but there were other reasons for our separation and…that was different."
Loki shook his head. "I don't know. It could be overwhelming for her."
"We'll make sure it's not. She knows me, and you, and Mother, and Father, and-"
"I'm not sure of your point on that last."
"She- Well… She knows him, anyway. She's met Volstagg and Hogun and Fandral and Sif. And she's spoken with Jolgeir and Geirmund. And Eir! She met Eir. And Mother liked her…don't you think? I meant to ask her, but there were too many other pressing matters."
"Mother is kind and I'm sure she would be gracious toward Jane. If you want to invite her, go ahead."
Thor scrutinized Loki with a frown, but Loki's face betrayed nothing. "Do you not want me to invite her?" Loki had spoken rudely about her a few times at the South Pole, but Thor wasn't sure what to make of that; Loki said rude things about everyone, and Jane hadn't wavered in her assertion that they were friends.
"I didn't say that. She would probably yell at me for hours if I did. I wouldn't mind seeing her again. In fact, you should invite her to come the day before the feast. The time is about five hours different between here and there; it would give her more of a chance to acclimate."
"I'll be busy then, though. We both will."
"Yes, but I'll see that she's well looked after while she's here. Jolgeir can help, and Mother, if she's free. Jane would enjoy that."
"And our stars," Thor added, thinking about what Jane would enjoy most on Asgard. "I can't wait for her to see our stars."
Loki nodded, lips pursed. Now probably wasn't the best time to mention that she already had.
"You do think she'll come, don't you? I know how important her work is to her, and how rare an opportunity it is for her to be where she is."
"That's true," Loki answered; he knew, but he was surprised that Thor did, and it sat uneasily with him. "But yes, I think she'll come. And she's an independent researcher, so she makes her own schedule. She'll adjust it for this short visit. She's curious by nature."
"All right then," Thor said, nodding slowly as he began to truly imagine it, Jane in Asgard, introducing her to his world as she'd introduced hers to him. He couldn't wait. He would have to find time in his schedule to spend with her, rather than having others show her around the whole time. He would make time for it, as he had for this. "Thank you- Loki. I'm glad you suggested a feast. And having Jane here for it will make it one of the best we've ever had."
Loki gave a single nod. Took you long enough to get there.
"And thank you for agreeing to speak with me tonight. I think you are my best advisor. I just wished I'd understood that a long time ago."
"No more of that. You made an oath. On your way," he said, motioning for Thor to leave. "Tell your advisors and your servants to prepare for a grand feast."
/
I meant to drop a note on the last chapter - though there *are* a couple of at least surface-similarities between the conversations in these two chapters and some bits in Thor: Ragnarok, that's entirely coincidence. This was written before seeing Ragnarok, and the kernels of it were written *long* before Ragnarok. These characters are of course also not in the same "places" as the ones in the movies at this point - their stories diverged right after Avengers (1).
Responses to guest reviews: Guest on 169/170: Ha, I wish I was a Thor screenwriter. Though truly they couldn't make a movie out of this. Maybe a multi-season TV series. :-) / "C" on 178/179 Yeeeeah, Loki mighta had a few others in mind in that regard. :-) On Loki turning into animals. I always have way more backstory in mind than will ever show up on page (maybe some other story someday). One of these is the idea that yes, Loki *has* tried turning into animals, but I worked in my own reaction to that which is...those animals have itsy bitsy brains, so how do you maintain higher brain function? How do you turn yourself back into not-an-animal? OK, it's magic, fine, but I figured this would be something that's not as "easy as it looks," not as simple as poof-animal poof-person, it would require a very high level of mastery of that specific skill. And I imagined Loki turning into a bird and then nearly going out of his mind in panic to not lose his sense of self and the ability (and desire, with loss of sense of self and higher brain function?) to turn back to person. Plus, to be honest I find all those stories where Loki is like a cat or something icky. I had cats. They spend a LOT of time licking their butts. Because they don't use toilet paper. Not an image I like to have in my head...of Loki. "That's in my brain now." (Sorry.) Ha. As for Ragnarok...OK here's where I have to kind of just relax and say "ha ha that was funny" while not accepting it as serious canon. (God help me, I've turned into one of *those* fans, ha.) Here is *always* my question when considering what Loki can/can't do with magic. Why haven't we seen him use it when he really needed it before? Why didn't he turn into some giant beast and stomp on the Frost Giants? Why not a dragon and fly around shooting flames and burning down Manhattan? (And if he could turn Thor into a frog...why not turn the Frost Giants into frogs for Pete's sake? The Avengers, the SHIELD people, Grandmaster...anyone who points a weapon at him! Loki would easily beat ANYONE with this ability except another magic-user.) I find it inconsistent and thus illogical and it bothers me. (It works in my world: why hasn't he done it? Because he can't control it well, isn't good at it, fears he may not be able to turn back in which case what good would it do, can't be a proper ruler of a realm if you're stuck being a dragon for the rest of your life. It's just not a skill he's tried to master, doesn't even know if it's *possible* to master such a thing.) Which is probably more than you wanted to know but you asked. :-) / "Ademonsdream" 178/179: Thanks! Yeah, I was bummed when Thor2 came out and officially made this AU (especially re Svartalfheim, YIKES!), and by now the divergence is so wide. But yeah, I started it not long after Avengers came out. / "Roze," and everyone else missing Jane and Loki...well...looks like it might be happening soon? :-) / Guest 179/180, Thanks, and to you and to everyone, HAPPY NEW YEAR! ~January 1, 2018 (If I missed anyone, sorry, wasn't intentional.)
Previews for Ch. 181: Asgard has a feast to plan for! And those pesky treaty negotiations and such. And last night's talk with Loki weighs on Thor's mind.
Excerpt:
"You said…" Thor stepped closer and lowered his voice. "You said where Jane is the clock is five hours different. But you didn't say whether it's earlier or later there. I'm hoping it's later."
"Why?" Loki asked, mentally kicking himself for having failed to be more specific last night. When Thor was at the South Pole, the station hadn't exactly been keeping normal operating hours, and it was dark twenty-four hours a day, and of course Thor didn't have any idea at all about the time difference.