'Tis a long one...
Beneath
Chapter One Hundred Ninety-Five – Interstice
"Take a walk with me?" Thor asked after everyone else had gone and he'd dismissed Jolgeir and the remaining Einherjar.
With one last glance toward the door Loki had disappeared behind – she'd hoped he would reemerge – Jane gave a smile and a nod.
"This garden is normally open to the public. Most outdoor spaces on Asgard are," Thor explained as they walked, the tall hedges marking broad paths that met in intersections ringed with benches and flowers, each with a dark gray statue of a famed Aesir from his grandfather's era at the center. "It was all cordoned off for the ceremony and will remain so all day, so we have privacy."
"What was she like?" Jane asked as soon as that sank in. Maybe not what she should have asked first, if she was being polite. And it maybe wasn't Thor she should have been asking. But the only more pressing question she had on her mind was how Loki was doing, and Thor probably didn't have any answers for that one, since he hadn't been there for whatever had taken place between Loki and Farbauti, either.
Thor didn't respond right away. He hadn't had much time to reflect on it before, and now that he did, he found impressions elusive. "Have you ever had a conversation with someone, thought it was a relatively normal conversation despite the unusual circumstances, thought you held your own and it even went fairly well, only to look back on it…and realize you aren't even sure what you discussed? Much less what the other person took from it or thought of it, and whether it went well or was a disaster or whether anything of import was said at all?"
"Um…maybe?" Jane said, trying to follow what Thor said as he spoke around the answer rather than responding directly.
"I think perhaps we'll meet again. Or our ambassadors will. But I'm not sure now. I'm not even sure whether she praised me or insulted me. Perhaps none of it meant anything and it was all a test. Or a game. She seems to speak indirectly more often than not." With the garden closed off and everyone dismissed, it wasn't necessary, but still Thor dropped his voice. "It reminds me of how I sometimes feel after speaking with Loki."
Jane winced. "I wouldn't mention that to him."
"No," Thor quickly agreed. "I prefer not to dwell on it myself. I can still hardly believe that my brother is of her flesh."
"Imagine how much more difficult it must be for him."
"I can't even fathom it."
"Do you have any idea what happened with them? What they were talking about?"
"No. She told me she needed to speak to him about something, and then afterward, Father said she was trying to provoke him over the restriction on the Ice Casket, but I think he may have been covering up something else, because of the others present."
"He looked so pale."
Thor nodded, but then turned to Jane with a smile. "He's always been a little paler than the average. More so of late, in your land without a sun. Mother will make sure he's all right. It's good for him, that he has her, now that he's talking again."
"For now," Jane said worriedly. Who would he have when he left Asgard?
"For now?" Thor echoed just as worriedly. "What do you mean?"
Jane's mouth hung open for a moment, before she snapped it shut with a grimace. Just because Loki had told her and even Nadrith – which she now realized probably didn't mean anything more than that he needed some kind of approval for it from Nadrith – of course he hadn't also told Thor.
"Jane?"
"Nothing, just…he said he might leave Asgard for a while." She hoped Loki wouldn't be upset that she'd let it slip. He hadn't given her any indication it was a secret, but still, ideally such things should come from Loki, not from her, especially if Loki had deliberately not told Thor.
"I should have expected that," Thor said after they'd continued in silence for a while. "I did, actually. He told me he didn't plan to stay. I think I just…didn't want to believe it. He's always done this. When he's upset about something. Or merely bored." He reconsidered then, remembering the things Loki had revealed to him that one night, how things had been worse between them than he'd known. "Perhaps it was always because he was upset about something. But if he goes, how are we to make things better?"
Jane didn't respond; she didn't have any answers. And who was she to say what was best for Loki in the first place? Her instinct was that he was better off having people around him who cared about him, instead of being alone with the awful things he told himself about Jotuns and about himself. The thought of him getting dragged back down into either attacking others or finding inventive ways to hurt himself instead was awful. But his relationships here were troubled, and she hadn't heard yet of anyone he considered a friend that didn't make her skin crawl. If he did go to Alfheim, she wondered if he might seek out Niskit, and whether that crazy woman would somehow be good for him, or instead convince him to join in her latest scheme to assassinate Nadrith, assuming that was still her goal.
"Did he say when?" Thor asked.
"No, but I think soon."
Thor came to a halt and turned an anxious look on Jane. "He wouldn't leave before the feast, would he?"
"No," Jane said, shaking her head. Of this one thing she was certain. "He's going to come back to the South Pole, maybe tomorrow with me, so he can pick up all that stuff he left behind."
"I still have at least a little time, then. Tell me, Jane, what did you think of the ceremony? Was it very different from what you do on Midgard?"
A startled laugh bubbled up, along with some relief at the change in topic. "Seeing people from all over the universe, and the way that feels so normal here, that was pretty amazing. But as for how we do it on Midgard…I have no idea! I've never been to anything like this on Earth. I don't happen to know any kings or queens or princes or presidents there. To tell you the truth…nothing all that exciting ever really happened in my life before I met you. Not like this. I always thought there would be something…I had this sense, sometimes. That right around the corner something was waiting. Something ground-breaking, earth-shattering. Something that would change the world forever. Change me forever." She paused, caught up in Thor's impossibly blue eyes. "And then one night, out in the middle of the desert…there you were."
Her hand found Thor's; his other hand skimmed lightly up and down her arm, bare in the short-sleeved cream-colored gown she'd chosen for the signing.
"All your life, you were looking for a vain madman to fall from the sky?"
"I didn't think that was quite what I was looking for, but…maybe so," Jane said with a little shrug, matching Thor's teasing smile.
Thor sobered. "All I was looking for then was the throne. I thought I deserved it, I even thought I'd earned it, because of my skill as a warrior. Loki keeps taunting me, saying Father's going to take the throne back as soon as I make a decision he disagrees with. And if I'm to be honest…I don't think I would mind if he wanted to take it back for a little while longer. But that's not the way of things, is it? Avoiding one's responsibilities. I spent a millennium doing that; that time is passed. How much things have changed in such a short time."
Jane nodded her agreement and was about to speak when Thor lifted the arm he'd earlier been caressing.
"This sun is too much for you, after all your time in the dark. Look at your arm." He pressed a thumb gently to her skin and ran it down the length of her arm, leaving a trail of white that quickly flooded with red. His thumb went to her cheek next, where she assumed her skin looked the same.
She nudged aside the stiff material that crisscrossed over her shoulders and formed the bodice; the skin that been exposed to the sun was a startlingly bright red next to the skin that had been covered. She glanced up at the cloudless sky, her gaze flitting for a fraction of a second toward the sun. "Guaranteed full sun, huh?" she said with a grimace. She really should have thought of this. She'd been outdoors longer for the hike, but she'd chosen a shirt with sleeves that covered most of her arms, and they'd spent much of the time in the shade of rockfaces and trees. The venue and even the weather for the signing had been specifically chosen to ensure direct sunlight throughout.
"Does it hurt?" Thor asked.
"No."
"It will, I think."
"I think you're right. I don't suppose you have aloe here?"
"Aloe? The plant? We do have it, though Eir will have something better. But first…," Thor stretched out his arm. It had been concealed from view, just beyond the portion of the garden used for the signing…just in case. Now Mjolnir leapt into his hand. He thrust it upward and lightning burst forth, seeking clouds and coaxing them into being from their temporary banishment. He didn't stop with the first few clouds to form, continuing until the sky was overcast and the sun muted.
Jane stared in awe at Thor's effortless control of the weather, and ran hands up and down her own arms at the prickly feeling surrounding her, and the taste of ozone in the air. When Thor lowered Mjolnir and looked her way, she found herself speechless.
"Better?" he asked with a grin.
/
/
"Well?" Frigga asked, as soon as the door was closed.
"No incidents," Odin said, having waited to join his wife until Loki left.
"No incidents," Frigga angrily scoffed. "Did you hear what she said to him? How she threatened to humiliate him?"
"It isn't a humiliation to be-"
"It shouldn't be, but it is to him, and we both know it and more importantly so does she. She left him to die and now she threatens him! She has all the compassion of a shard of ice. She gave birth to him, Odin. His flesh is of her flesh, and it means nothing to her. He's no more to her than another pawn to be manipulated to her benefit. She is the embodiment of the worst of every Asgardian stereotype of- What are you doing?" She shoved Odin away, his arms falling to his side. "I don't need a hug, I need a sword."
"I don't have one of those at the moment, but when you're ready for the hug it will be waiting for you."
Frigga sagged from her rigid stance. "I'm sorry. I'm taking my anger out on you just as Loki took his out on me. No, don't get that look. Everything is fine. And how can I blame him for his anger, at her or at me? It's just so infuriating. She was taunting him, and we had to stand there and let her. She should have no right even to see him again, and she can say whatever she wants because she rules Jotunheim and we want peace."
"Loki need not see her again, after this. Her dealings naturally would be with Asgard's king, not her prince. Perhaps it won't be like that next time, regardless. Emotions were running high today. And not only ours."
"You speak of her emotions?" Frigga asked flatly.
"She isn't a mechanical device. She's angry at us, I think. Or resentful. Or envious or even hurt. Put yourself in her place. If-"
"I would never be in her place, Odin. I would never do what she did. I can't even imagine it."
"I know. But she asked me if I ever felt guilty seeing her all those years ago while Loki was growing up in our home."
"And she asked you that with a perfectly-formed tear escaping from an eye, did she?"
"Of course not. She was sharp-edged, as you say. But you know there's more meaning in a person's words than the words themselves."
Frigga shook her head. "I don't want to argue about this."
"It's not my intent to argue, or to defend her. If we're going to be interacting more with Jotunheim, though, that will mean dealing with her, and if we're going to do so effectively…hugs are not required, but we will need to be able to put away the sword."
She sighed and looked away, lacing her fingers together in front of her and pressing her thumbs against each other. "In my head, I know you're right. And I know she's a person and she has feelings, too. I know these things. But Odin…in my heart, I still want that sword."
Odin gave a slow nod. He knew she would do as she needed to when required, just as she had today. And when she needed to rage about it afterward, he would listen, as he always did, and as she always did for him, too. "How is he?"
"Better now, I think. But he is angry. And he doesn't say it but it has to hurt him. How could it not hurt? I think he's going to get in some target practice. I hope it will help. I want him to be able to enjoy the feast tonight."
"We should all enjoy it. A great deal of hard work stands before us. But it will keep until tomorrow."
"It will," Frigga agreed, and held her arms open.
/
/
Jane watched with interest as Eir mixed a cream for her. She'd sent Thor on his way; he still had work to do and she didn't mind spending this time with Eir. It had taken longer than anticipated, for Jane had expected to be given a pain pill or something like aloe, or even some version of a healing stone meant for sunburns. She hadn't expected to be laid down flat on an examination table and have the internal effect of the radiation on her skin cells treated directly. And everything required extra steps, because Eir's equipment didn't come calibrated for humans.
The cream, too – meant to further reduce the remaining redness and to provide relief for minor pain – was a special mixture for her, not quite the same as what was provided for sunburned Aesir children.
"Loki told me he was sensitive to sunburn when he was a child. Did he get the cream, too? And the cellular treatment?"
"He did," Eir said, looking up from her bowl with a smile. "He hated the cream. I'd forgotten about that."
"Why? I thought you said it was soothing."
"It is," she said, beginning the application of the cream, which did leave a pleasant cooling sensation in its wake. "But he always wanted to wash it off. This version is improved since then, because of him, actually – no residue. Oh, there was one particular incident…he was horribly sunburned. Cellular reparation, cream, and partial nerve-blocks so he could sleep."
"Ouch. But he grew out of it?"
Eir nodded. "It's not very common among our people, susceptibility to the sun, but not unheard of, either, especially in those with particularly light skin, like Loki. But they've all grown out of it by the time they reach adulthood."
"So I really am like an Aesir child, huh?"
"I wouldn't put it like that," Eir said with a laugh. "Just different in some ways from Aesir, regardless of age."
Different in a lot of ways, Jane couldn't help thinking, when it came to biology. Even if the Aesir did have a heart, two lungs, two kidneys, a liver, in general the same anatomy as humans, with only some minor differences – Jane had asked while lying on the table. "What about the Jotuns?"
Eir, now scooping the light brown cream into a jar, immediately glanced at her office door, which was closed. "What about them?"
"I just mean in general. If something happened to Farbauti while she was here, would you be able to treat her?"
"I would do my best," she said, scraping the last of the remaining cream into a jar and screwing on its lid – surprisingly low-tech and unmagical, Jane thought. "But I know very little about the Jotun body. There was a time when I tried to learn more. It was frustratingly difficult. Even on the other realms, few records were available. Their physical needs are different, and even when they engaged in occasional trade or other travel on other realms, they strongly preferred to see to them on their own world, with their own people. At the time, there was actually a woman living on Asgard who was one quarter Jotun. The Jotuns were fully isolated by that point, so with nowhere else to turn I consulted with her. She had a few old memories of family stories, and that was it. If something happened to Queen Farbauti here, I would have her returned to Jotunheim as quickly as possible, on the assumption that she would receive better treatment there."
"An Aesir who was one quarter Jotun?" Jane asked, barely hearing what Eir said after dropping that particular comment. "How…I mean…isn't their skin freezing? And the size difference!"
"They're able to control their external temperature, at least to a certain extent. Enough to allow for pleasurable sexual intimacy? That I don't know. The woman in question – she was Vanir, actually, and she died centuries ago but I still protect her privacy and ask you not to speak further of this, either – she said both of her father's parents were magic wielders, and family lore was that magic was involved. I don't know how exactly it happened, only that it did."
"Did the Aesir always hate the Jotuns?"
"Not always, no. But they have…we have…for a very long time."
"Thor wants to change that."
"I've gathered as much. It's not an easy task he's set upon, but he isn't the type to walk away from a challenge. I wish him success. In the meantime, here's the jar; reapply the cream as instructed. I don't want to delay you any further. You have a feast to prepare for."
Jane gave an enthusiastically goofy grin and accepted the jar. "You, too?"
"Unless an emergency comes up, I'll be there."
Jane thanked Eir, and wasn't at all surprised when she stepped outside to find Jolgeir waiting nearby to escort her.
/
/
"It's one of the greatest tapestries ever made."
It was enormous, maybe 30 feet long and seven or eight feet high, stretching from her shins to well above her head.
Jolgeir had brought her in to the Feasting Hall through the private entrance, so she'd have an idea of what to expect. Not a bad idea, she thought, since it wasn't what she'd expected at all. For all the gleaming gold and polished marble she'd seen elsewhere in the palace, the vast Feasting Hall was remarkably non-shiny. Huge marble columns still set off the central portion of the hall from corridors along its walls, but most everything else was made of wood, and not even the fancy carved and multi-colored wood she'd seen elsewhere, just regular old planks of weathered-looking wood. Even the king's chair was a simple wooden affair. Padded with a red cushion, like all of the chairs she saw at the fourteen long tables, but a little larger, and with red-cushioned armrests as well. Thor would be sitting in that chair tonight. Jolgeir hadn't known where she would be seated.
They'd left through the public entrance, which led to the large reception hall in which they now stood. It was open to a balcony on one side, just like the Feasting Hall. In the middle stood a huge table of the ubiquitous gold, and along the other wall hung the tapestry, which depicted Odin and Frigga's wedding feast.
"How is her gown so shiny?"
"Gold was fused into the threads that form Her Majesty's gown."
Frigga was easily recognizable, the first thing Jane's eyes had jumped to, after getting over the scale of the tapestry. Her image was so crisp it was almost like a portrait rather than something woven on a loom. Next to her stood a young man much less recognizable. A regal yet bright smile, light brown hair, and… "He has both…I mean…"
"His Majesty has both his eyes, yes. He did, at the time."
"What happened? Or…can I ask?"
"It's no secret. It's a point of pride, in fact. Our people feel differently about such injuries than yours do. He lost an eye fighting the Frost Giants. Fighting King Laufey himself, actually."
Jane nodded. Loki's birth father had taken his adoptive father's eye. And Loki had taken his birth father's life. No complicated family dynamics there.
Having taken in the big picture, she crept closer to get a better look at the detail, which the tapestry was full of. The floor, she saw, was littered with shattered mugs. The corners of her mouth tugged upward. "Throwing your cup on the floor isn't considered rude here?"
"Not at all. It announces that you enjoyed your drink. It's a uniquely Asgardian custom, as far as I know. Some say it was started by the ceramicware shops, to increase their sales. I don't know if there's any truth to that or not. It's been that way all my life."
Jane didn't need to ask anything else. With all she'd learned now from Thor and Loki, and from the glimpses she'd had into Asgard, she could easily imagine Thor traipsing all over the realms beyond his own, smashing mugs to smiles and laughter instead of reprimands because he was the future king of Asgard, until he got to Izzy's Diner in Puente Antiguo where no one knew who he was. A lot of things in his life had probably gone like that, doing whatever he wanted without consequence because of who he was. It explained a lot.
In one corner of the tapestry a handful of musicians played, and several pairs danced nearby with one hand behind their back and one raised above their head, linked to their partner's. Jane's smile quickly contorted into a nervous grimace. This trip, in terms of preparation at least, was the exact opposite of the one to Alfheim, where Loki had prepared her for every eventuality. The foot-washing and massage had been unexpected, and there was no way he could have known about Niskit's assassination conspiracy, but otherwise she'd known what to expect at every turn. Neither Loki nor Thor had ever told her anything about Asgardian dancing.
"Will there be dancing?"
"Yes, almost certainly. At some point after the dinner."
By the time they worked their way to the other end of the tapestry, some fifteen minutes later, Jolgeir had pointed out Frigga's family and Odin's family, including the Uncle Villi and Uncle Ve Loki had mentioned once, along with Bragi and Finnulfur from the treaty-signing. He'd also taught her the steps to the two most common dances, with verbal instructions for the hand movements, so hopefully when the dancing started she wouldn't be forced to watch it all from the sidelines.
"Do you have a story yet?" Jane asked as they set off for her chambers.
"I've been thinking it over. It's surprisingly difficult. Most of Thor's stories include Loki. And this little one does, too, though to a lesser extent. Thor was at that time twenty years old, and no longer had a dedicated guard. The palace Einherjar of course are tasked with guarding the palace as well as the king and his family, but no guards specifically accompany the royal family, unless they choose to have guards accompany them."
"But Loki was still nineteen, so you were still guarding him?"
"That's right. And one morning, Loki and Thor were supposed to go for a ride, but Thor didn't turn up. So Loki went to get him. When he wasn't in his chambers, Loki grew angry, and immediately started searching the taverns."
"Uh-oh," Jane said, imagining a fight about to break out.
"He found him in, oh, the fourth or fifth one he checked. On the floor, out of sight behind a bench. Apparently no one noticed him fall. Or perhaps they just thought he'd fallen asleep and then forgot about him. They wouldn't have left him like that had they known. The place was closed by then; no one was around."
"He hit his head?"
"Perhaps, but the main problem was the amount of mead he'd clearly drunk. Loki shouted at him, shook him, kicked him, but he couldn't be roused."
"Alcohol poisoning? That's really dangerous."
"That's why drinking isn't allowed until you're twenty. The body might still have some maturing to do then, but mead isn't going to kill you. I carried him out back to a grassy area, made him empty his stomach of whatever might be left in it, and Loki returned with a bucket of ice water and doused him, which finally brought him around, sputtering and swinging his fists. He took one decent swing at Loki but Loki easily dodged it and struck him in the jaw so hard he nearly knocked him unconscious again." Jolgeir stopped to laugh. "Thor held his hand out for Mjolnir but he was still learning even the basics with it then, and when the handle struck his hand it didn't slow and it carried him straight into a wall. The wall took the worst of it, really. We took him to the Healing Room as an added precaution, but aside from a bad headache he was fine, shaking off bits of stone and laughing and grumbling that no one could tell him how many tankards he'd drunk. Loki was very cross with him, however."
"Cross," Jane echoed. "I bet that's an understatement."
"Possibly," Jolgeir said with a laugh.
"It didn't bother you, knowing that was your future king laying passed out drunk on the tavern floor? It doesn't bother you, seeing what you saw, now that he is the king?"
"Not at all. He was young and foolish. Testing his physical limits, becoming a man. Some may have laughed, but they were laughing with him, not at him. It's a heady time, that time of transition. You feel as though you can do anything, and many, perhaps even most, do exactly as Thor did. I found my face on the floor of a few taverns in those early years."
"People liked him more because of that, then? Because he was just like them?"
"Just like them, but more."
"Did Loki drink then? I know he doesn't now."
"Not often. And not like Thor."
"So they liked Loki less, because he didn't find his face on the floor of the tavern? You told me that Asgard wasn't always kind to Loki."
Jolgeir's response wasn't as quick this time. "It probably didn't help. He had his reasons, though, even if few knew them. There was an incident that probably soured him on the idea of excessive drink back then. When they were still youths, Thor gave Loki mead, and somehow convinced him to drink a large quantity of it, enough that it could have killed him, at that age. Neither of them realized that, of course. A terrible regret for me and the other guards. One of the others had seen those barrels being brought into Loki's chambers, but we didn't even know for certain what was in them, much less what Thor's intent was, and our duty was to protect them from outside dangers, not from ill-advised things they might do to themselves or each other."
"From what I've heard, it sounds like they did a lot of ill-advised things to themselves and each other," Jane said distractedly, wondering if some incident from their teens could be the real reason Loki didn't drink even a thousand years later.
"That they did. They certainly kept us on our toes. They went through a phase in which they decided they didn't want us around, and did everything they could think of to slip away without us noticing. Made our jobs rather more difficult."
"They succeeded?"
"Not often, not once we knew to expect the attempts. It forced us to split our attention, though."
Jane nodded, remembering being on the receiving end of that attention, at the Harvest Festival parade. "It does sound like all of their stories are 'they,' Thor and Loki both."
"They were virtually inseparable through their youth. And I think they've remained close through most of their adulthood."
She remembered Thor in Tromso speaking so wistfully about Loki and the way things used to be between them, and Loki at the South Pole speaking so angrily and bitterly about it. From what they'd separately told her, she thought maybe they were coming closer to meeting in the middle now.
For the rest of the walk back to Jane's chambers, she heard about Jolgeir's younger brother and sister and how helping his mother take care of them after his father was killed in battle had helped him gain his position as one of Thor's and Loki's guards. Jolgeir's wife and young daughter she added to the growing list of those she expected to see at the feast.
Jolgeir left her with the servant waiting at her door to ask her preference for scheduling someone to come do her hair, and whether she would like the queen to assist her in dressing. Jane closed the door behind her in giddy excitement. She hadn't had her hair professionally styled since being a bride's maid in Chrissy's wedding five years ago. And going through her wardrobe with Frigga had been a lot of fun; she hadn't expected the queen would return to do it again.
Hopefully Loki and everyone else would be able to put Farbauti's impromptu visit behind them, and relax and enjoy the feast to come.
Her eyes shot open wide, and then she settled back into a grin. Maybe Frigga would teach her more of the dance moves, too.
/
/
"She tried to provoke him. She tried to provoke each of us," was all Frigga would say when Jane asked what had happened with Farbauti. Loki had been upset, but calmed down quickly. She clearly didn't want to dwell on it, and Jane couldn't blame her. Frigga hadn't said so, but it was obvious that Loki wasn't the only one who'd been upset.
"Is your first choice still your first choice?"
Jane nodded; when they'd talked about dressing for the signing, Jane had also made a preliminary decision about which of the gowns she would wear to the feast.
"Then try it on. I'm eager to see you in it."
Wrapped in a fluffy white robe, Jane hurried into the changing room, and emerged a couple of minutes later in a floor-length navy-blue silk gown, perfectly fitted, of course. The square neckline was deep enough to display a bit of cleavage. The sleeves were minimal, thin layers of material sitting snugly just off of her shoulders. The bodice continued seamlessly into the skirt, full with irregular folds, inside which the material shimmered an iridescent silvery gray. In one hand dangled bracers that matched the folds in the gown; in the other, shoes that matched the dark blue of the gown, with a two-and-a-half inch heel and ribbons for tying around her ankles.
Frigga stood from the divan in Jane's sitting room where she'd waited. "Simply stunning. It's perfect for you. What do you think, my dear?"
Jane gave a twirl, watching the skirt swish around her and the silver in the skirt's folds flash into view and vanish again with the movement of the material. "I love it," she said with a giggle. It was unmistakably Asgardian, but not too uniquely so that it would look entirely out of place on Earth, either. "It's not too much?"
"Not at all. Everyone will be dressed up. You'll fit right in. May I?" Frigga asked, coming up alongside Jane and brushing a hand over her hair.
Jane nodded, then stood still while Frigga moved around her, lifting her hair, twisting it, holding it up high on her head, making little noises of reaction as she went.
"I don't want to unduly influence you…"
"Hairstyle suggestion?"
"Mm-hm."
"Please do. My hairstyles are up in messy bun, up in a ponytail, down loose, and down in a plain braid. And…"
"And?"
"My mom used to French braid my hair sometimes. But I never learned how."
"How does a French braid work?"
"Um…you take the hair in small sections…like this…and braid it in bit by bit as you work your way down," Jane said, trying her best to demonstrate what she really didn't know how to do.
"I see. I think I can picture it. I can picture you as a young girl with your hair braided like that. I know it was lovely."
"I don't know about lovely," Jane said, laughing. "I was a little awkward then. I guess most kids are. I hadn't really figured myself out. I was kind of a tomboy, but not quite enough of one to qualify for the label. A tomboy who still liked to paint her toenails with glitter nail polish."
Frigga laughed along with Jane. The term "tomboy" was unfamiliar, but it was easy enough to understand. "My suggestion is a braid, in fact. But one curving around the hairline just atop the neck, with all your hair tucked into it. Your hair is thick enough to make a beautifully-textured braid of this type, and it will show off the lines of your neck."
Jane easily agreed; it sounded elegant, and if Frigga had arranged for the hair stylist that would be coming in another half hour or so, then she had no doubt it would be done well.
She lifted an arm and peered closely at it, and when she looked up again found that Frigga was looking at her arm, too.
"Thor told me you had a bit of a burn. It looks like Eir took good care of it."
Jane nodded. "The cream she gave me is great. My skin feels good and there's no residue at all."
"That's because of Loki," Frigga said with a laugh. "He hated that cream. He always wanted his skin to be clean. He would get dirty if the situation called for it, of course, but then he wanted to wash up. It agitated him to see that cream on his skin. He would ask me why I wanted him to bathe and wash off anything else on his skin, except for that cream. And he had a point. So Eir worked on it until she found a recipe that was fully absorbed."
"I thought he just didn't like getting his hands dirty from hard work."
"Oh, Loki doesn't mind hard work. He only minds it when he sees it as someone else's responsibility."
Jane laughed, remembering that weird argument in the corridor outside the galley in which Loki had tried – hard – to insist that she clean the bathrooms that he was supposed to clean for Austin and Carlo after losing for the first time in their belching game. "I'm guessing that by his definition, cleaning bathrooms and scouring dirty pots and pans is always someone else's responsibility."
"Loki was expected to do those things at the South Pole?"
"Yep. When I found out he was a prince, it explained a lot."
"We tried to teach our boys to be generous, compassionate…but a large retinue of servants has always been a part of their lives. They've never had to do such tasks."
"Maybe it wasn't just that," Jane said with a shrug, though she hadn't thought of this before. "He was also caught up in thinking he wasn't good enough, because of…you know. Maybe he felt like he'd already fallen enough rungs down the ladder, and doing work he saw as servants' work was too much."
"Perhaps," Frigga said, the levity of the moment before gone. She stepped back behind Jane again and lifted her hair, twisting and rolling it, then raising it and lowering it to various heights to simulate the style she had in mind.
"I saw some of the art he did, by the way. The illuminations? He left the books out at the jamesway where you found him."
"Yes, I saw those books. I didn't know he'd kept them until I saw them there and opened up a few as we were cleaning up."
"How long ago did he make them?"
"Oh…I don't think he was five hundred yet. He studied it for a few years."
"Why did he stop?"
"I don't know. He might have grown frustrated, or bored, or perhaps he was distracted by something else. He tried his hand at a number of things over the centuries, less so the last few of them, I suppose. He always liked trying something new. But whatever he was working on, he was never satisfied. He held himself to such high standards, no matter what he did."
Jane started to turn, but quickly remembered that Frigga still held her hair in a twist and stayed where she was.
"What?" Frigga asked, letting go of Jane's hair and stepping around to face her.
"It just made me think…Loki was always comparing himself to Thor, right? He told me Thor was better than him in the things Asgard valued most. Maybe he wanted to find something he was the best at."
Frigga stared hard at Jane for a moment, then found the closest settee and fell back onto it. A long couple of minutes passed in silence, until Jane came over and sat down beside her.
"If I said something wrong, I'm-"
"No, no, dear, not at all," Frigga said, reaching for Jane's hand to clasp it between hers. "I've known Loki for over ten centuries and you've known him mere months and I'd never considered that. Loki is a perfectionist, and…you might be right. I always took it for a conflict within him, whether to remain as close as he was to Thor and in turn to the throne, or to forge his own path apart from Thor, distant from him, as Odin's younger brothers chose to do." She wished now that she had more actively encouraged him in these other pursuits of his, but at the time she'd not wanted to give him the sense that she was pushing him in one direction or another.
"That makes sense, too," Jane said, considering it. Loki had never mentioned anything about that to her, but she supposed that by the time she met him, he would have considered such a conflict moot. "Loki once told me he rarely did anything for just one reason."
Frigga released Jane's hand to cover her mouth from sudden laughter that burst out from behind burdensome thoughts. "That sounds exactly like Loki. Quite true."
"What about Thor? Did he ever study anything else, like Loki did?"
The laughter continued, so indescribably uplifting after the tension of the signing ceremony, and all that had come before. "Thor would have considered that punishment. He did endure some studies of battle tactics – though even there he preferred to discover his own tactics while sparring with his friends – and a few other things over the years that his father required of him. Thor always preferred learning by doing. He had little patience for learning from books or from sitting still and listening. He's very bright; the difficulty wasn't in him learning, only in his ability to pay attention long enough to learn. Sometimes I used to think that if he wasn't given regular outlets for all his energy he might explode. Loki would grow restless, too, but nothing like Thor."
"Loki doesn't mind sitting still now. He likes to plan. To think things through. Usually."
"That he does. Usually. When his emotions don't get the best of him. And what about you?"
"Me? Um, well, I guess I'm mostly a planner. But sometimes...I don't know, I get so excited about something that I just dive in head first, without thinking it through. Like that time I found out Thor had been injured and I raced off to Asgard without a clue what I might be stepping in the middle of."
"Without knowing whether there was anything to step on."
"That, too," Jane said with a chagrined laugh.
"I was meaning to ask you…the Einherjar found a bit of red cloth out on the bifrost. It caused quite a stir when it was discovered, and now I think it must have come from one of those South Pole jackets. Was it from that day, do you know?"
"It got sliced off the back of my hood. When Loki realized what happened he didn't stop to pick up his own structural integrity field generator, so we were both using mine to get back. It protects the person wearing it from the forces trying to crush you or pull you apart during travel. It wasn't meant to encompass two people. The US Antarctic Program isn't going to be too happy with the damage, but I was just relieved that the back of my hood was all it cost me."
"You should send the jacket here. We have specialist tailors that can use stitches so tiny they're all but invisible, and magic can be used to smooth them over. They can repair it for you well enough that Midgardians may not be able to perceive any sign of damage."
"Okay, I might take you up on that. I'll have to think about how to make it work."
"Good. Though that won't be the favor I promised you, of course. And this isn't, either."
"Wha…," Jane began, but then Frigga parted the palms she'd placed one atop the other, and in between them a shallow rectangular black lacquered box appeared. "I've seen Loki do that. He said he learned it from you. When you got him those pens that last for six hundred years."
Frigga gave a light laugh. "He did learn it from me. But I also first learned it from him, in a manner of speaking. When Loki was a very small child, he got into such mischief with magic he doesn't even remember. A story for someday when we have more time. For now…I thought it unlikely you'd have brought anything with you that just so happens to match, so I thought you might like to borrow this." Frigga opened the box from the side, and the padded tray on the bottom rose an inch or so higher, lifting its contents for better display.
Jane's eyes went wide. "It's beautiful," she said, after first trying to stammer something out and then starting over. Perfectly displayed on the white surface lay a choker-length chain of tiny flowers shaped from a dark silver-gray metal that sparkled when the light hit it a certain way, and at the bottom dangled a Y-type extension of the little flowers, ending in a larger flower, at its center a dark blue stone that matched the main color of her gown, and had to be several carats. To either side of the necklace were matching long dangling earrings, everything just on a slightly smaller scale than the necklace.
"Would you like to try it on? See if you like it? I do have other jewelry you could borrow, of course, I just thought this was a particularly complimentary match."
Jane nodded, and Frigga took the necklace and came around behind her. As the metal brushed her neck, Jane sucked in a breath and jerked forward, turning around even as she cringed over her reaction. "Sorry. Just…is there any magic in there that I should know about?"
Frigga's initial confusion was short-lived. "You're thinking of the one you got from Loki." Jane's half-smile and uncomfortable expression were superfluous confirmation. "It glowed when you put it on, didn't it? And Loki didn't know the magic on it had been changed. He must have thought that it meant he loved you." He'd looked so bewildered when she explained the change, and she'd wondered ever since what exactly Loki felt for Jane.
"Um, I don't…I mean…he was staring at my chest and I thought he… He was mostly delusional. He called me 'Mother' at one point."
"Did he?" Frigga said with a laugh. If Jane wanted to shrug it off, Frigga had no business trying to stop her. Nonetheless, something needed to be said. "You were caring for him selflessly. It's not that delusional. Jane…I can see how close you are to both of my sons, how much you mean to them, and they to you. And I know you've only dealt with them separately thus far. Try to be patient with them tonight, if there's some discomfort between them. Most importantly, know that the conflicts between them existed long before either met you."
Jane absently smoothed a hand over one of the folds in her gown, making the silver-gray material appear and disappear. "If there's nothing more than discomfort between them tonight, I'll be happy. I know it's a lot more than that, and that it's been there for a long time, longer than Thor knew. Sometimes Thor talks about the three of us doing something together. It's like for a few minutes he forgets there's any problems between them, you know? Loki never forgets."
"That's been true of them their whole lives. Thor can react with such intensity, whether anger or joy…when it's anger I think he gets it out of his system that way. It flares brilliantly, dangerously, and then it's gone. Loki tends to hold onto things, including grudges."
"And when he finally explodes…you get him trying to blow up Jotunheim?"
Frigga nodded, thoughtfully. "That was much more than mere temper, though."
"I know."
She took Jane's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know you do. That you understand both of my boys…no small feat."
Jane's thoughts swept broadly over all the time she'd known Loki, how her understanding of him had continually evolved over the course of that time, throughout his various attempts to deceive and manipulate her, somehow chipping holes out of his wall – or wearing them away with her acid, to go with his analogy – until he was confiding in her about things he'd told no one else. Until, yes, she thought she understood him pretty well. She thought back further, to her first meeting with Thor, once he was conscious. Different story entirely, even though Thor hadn't told her who he was at first, either. "One of your sons was a lot easier to understand than the other."
"They're very different," Frigga agreed with another laugh. "But I'm glad of it. Had there been two of either of them, I might not have survived it. Asgard might not have survived it." She gave Jane's shoulder a nudge, and the Midgardian woman turned back around for her. "No magic. Just mangatin and sapphires."
Jane stood still while Frigga got the necklace into place. She'd never heard of mangatin, which had to be the metal ore used in the jewelry, and she was reasonably familiar with metal ores from her long-ago study of chemistry. She wondered if it was unique to Asgard, or simply went by a different name on Earth. She wondered if it might be related to tin, though the metal was darker, grayer, more refractive, and less shiny than tin usually looked. She wondered if it might be related to manganese, but she was pretty sure you couldn't make jewelry out of that, at least not on Earth. But she felt Frigga's hands at her neck, fixing the clasp, lightly resting hands on her bare shoulders, then turning her around again, and she didn't ask. The earrings were next, and worked pretty much like the kind Jane was used to on Earth, with a hook stem that latched securely around the earlobe with a light squeeze. Frigga did the first one, and Jane the second.
"Come," Frigga said, drawing Jane over to a mirror. She stepped behind the younger woman and lifted up her hair, twisting and tucking it at the nape of her neck to approximate the look of a braid there. "What do you think?"
"I love it," Jane said, meeting Frigga's eyes in the mirror. "I really love it. It's perfect." And then she was sucking in a breath and tears were forming in her eyes.
"Jane?" Frigga let go of Jane's hair and came around to her side, her arm slipping around Jane's back and turning her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Jane said, shaking her head and wiping at the gathering tears. "It's just…I…never got to do something like this with my mother. And it's…it's really nice."
"But you wish she could be here."
Jane nodded jerkily. "Yeah," she breathed. "Yeah, I do."
"Of course you do," Frigga said, repeating the words as she wrapped her arms around Jane and pulled her into a tight embrace. Jane squeezed her back, and she heard and felt Jane's quiet weeping.
"I'm sorry," Jane said a minute later, accepting the cloth from Frigga, the fact that she'd produced it through magic barely registering. "I don't usually get this emotional about it. It was a long time ago and I really have dealt with it and I'm okay. But for a second there, I could picture it being her." Jane winced as she swallowed over a throat that had nearly closed up on her, and dabbed at her eyes again as fresh tears welled up.
"I understand." And she did. Frigga had dealt with loss, and knew that sometimes old settled grief could sneak up on you and punch you in the stomach as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. "You know…I was never blessed with a daughter. But I always wanted one. I'm honored to stand in for your mother. My boys were never very interested in me helping them choose gowns to wear, or draping them in fine jewelry."
Jane laughed, the perfect antidote to the pain. "Except for that one time, long ago, right?"
Frigga's eyes went wide. "Which one of them told you about that?! And trust me, they didn't consult me on it. On any of it."
"It's one of the stories recorded in mythology on Earth. I told Loki the mythology version, and then he corrected me and told me the true version. Well…probably the mostly true version."
"Hm," Frigga said as a knock came on the door. "Oh, that'll be the stylist. She'll work on your hair, your face and hands, too, if you like. But how are you? I can ask her to return later."
"No, it's okay." Jane stepped closer to the mirror, saw the redness in her eyes, and hoped the stylist could do something about that, too.
"All right. I'll let her in, then."
"Lady Frigga?" Jane called before she could leave the room. "Actually…do you think you could help me practice a couple of dances first?"
"It would be one of the best parts of my day," Frigga said, her face radiating her delight. "I'll just go and tell Holmdis to give us a few more minutes."
"Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. All of it."
"It's truly my pleasure. And Jane, when we're in private…please call me Frigga."
/
Responses to unregistered reviewers: "Elevenses": thanks so much. I'm glad this has made you laugh and even cry. With rare exception I don't write to intentionally evoke emotion so that's awesome to hear. Honestly, most of the research I've enjoyed. Because I'm a geek that way. I like learning stuff. That was very intentional, that there's no single moment that brought Loki and Jane so close. I didn't want the movie route of "extreme event causes two attractive people to instantly...," well, in a movie, fall head over heels in love. The title was meant to have several layers of meaning. Thanks for sharing your reaction to the almost-choking scene! So intense, so volatile, I miss those days, ha! I've thought about doing some kind of poll to ask "favorite chapter" or "favorite scene" but this thing's so long most people wouldn't even remember 90% of it by the time we reach the end. :-) Chuck, yay! "Loki Vs. Himself." As for Memory Casket, nothing has changed since the last I mentioned it here, it's on hold until Beneath is finished because working on it at the same time became impossible. It *will* be finished. / "ladymouse2": It was mostly mischief! BUT, yeah, Loki has, let's say, a slight issue with authority at this point. :-) So there is also a thumbing his nose at authority & tradition & The Way Things Are Done in his choices, and yep, that's aimed at Asgard. Loki does still have issues he needs to deal with with Frigga, and that will come, at some point, probably when he's thought through his own feelings better, and I think with her he's already at a place where that could be a good, productive, healthy talk (even if it includes anger). Here he was digging in at her out of anger over something else, and that's why he apologized. They both know his anger's earned. In "Thor," honestly Frigga not realizing how hard this hit Loki was one of the hardest things for me to get a grip on for this story. I "explained" it as a result of her divided attention, more focused on Odin as the more immediate concern because she feared he would die, as well as Thor stranded on Midgard without his strength. But this is weak. And I agree, it's probably because the movie had to be zippy and Frigga intervening would have derailed the plot. To me she comes off less indifferent than "There, there, it's because we love you, see? No need to be upset. Now run along and be a good king." (She cares, but is so clueless and...naive?) Which is obviously not what's intended. Yes, SO much room for interpretation in all this! Farbauti is indeed taken aback by Loki's "complete repudiation," not the way he spoke to her on Jotunheim. She shouldn't be, but she is. Because she, too, is "human." Farbauti is a lot of fun to write. :-) Yeah, I agree, Thor won that one. Odin could have done the same at any time, but he didn't. Odin is a product of his time, in that sense, I think. He's not at all opposed to what Thor's suggesting. It just never occurred to him. / Guest (Dec. 24): Thank you! / Guest (155/6): Thanks! That was a tough chapter to write but it seems most readers were happy with how it turned out. :-) And thanks, re the South Pole. Kismet for me that they legit do astrophysics. Pretty much all of my Loki-redemption-obsession is thrown into this story, I can't imagine myself writing any other redemption story for him, so *everything* is poured into this one. As for those curve-balls...two or three more to come (from this chapter)? Ha. Depending on your system of classifying curve-balls. When you write something this long, detailed, thorough, you (at least I!) tend to get pretty locked into a way of seeing things, so it was genuinely helpful to hear readers' thoughts on what their reactions might be if they were Polies. Oh yeah, I'm sure all die-hard Loki fans have come to their own conclusions about the characters (we can't help it!), and I'm glad that even though some of ours differ it hasn't stopped you from enjoying the story. My heart is warmed that you mentioned Jane and Loki learning to "respect one another." It's a key issue between them, though they haven't really directly discussed it thus far. At least Loki doesn't beat himself up quite as much anymore. :-) / Guest (165/6): That was a fun surprise to toss in. :-) And piling it on Loki is *always* fun. Thor still has things to work through, too, but yeah, those were some good moments for him. / Guest (Dec. 28): Better late than never? :-)
I think there are a few reviews and PMs I haven't responded to yet, you'll hear from me soon. Hectic Christmas/New Year's period.
Unfortunately, there's no preview/excerpt for 196 here. When I tried to open Ch. 196, the document wouldn't open. Trying to hold back a panic attack. I don't know what's wrong, and I don't even want to think about that document being lost. If anyone wants it bad enough to ask for it, I'll update this section with a preview/excerpt when I can. I can at least tell you that the feast does kick off in the next chapter, which might be titled"Calm."