Are you leaving me? Please don't.

I'm sorry this story isn't happier, but things happen.

Look, I would have liked to rescue Cassie's father, but I didn't get there in time. Stuff happened. When you hear other stories about Jurassic Park, Mr. Muldoon dies. I'm not making this up.

Not my fault. I'm sure he was a really nice guy when he wasn't trying to shoot dinosaurs.

I bet Mr. Nedry and that guy Rexy ate were nice people too. Couldn't exactly help them either.

In regards to the unoriginal naming convention, well, I only give friends interesting titles like Percival and Arthur...and I hadn't decided on one for my girlfriend. If I understood the name the kid was yelling out the window in The Neverending Story, I probably would have named her that.

Also, I promise to keep the icky sex stuff to a minimum. I just needed to explain my new girlfriend.

If you expected me to stay female, I'm sorry. My body decided it wanted to make more Velociraptors with human brains.

Other stories say there were only three raptors. Nope. My story would have been a lot shorter if that's all I had to deal with.

Anyway, where were we?

"Put her in a body bag?" I repeated. "Wow, kid. That's dark!"

"She killed my dad!"

I sighed and nodded. "Let's, um...rescue your friends and see if that's necessary...By the way, be nice to...April Zelda." Pretty name, don't you think? I think so. "She wasn't responsible for your father's death." Okay, that's a half truth, but I had to protect my girlfriend too.

I turned to face my hat wearing foe, glanced back at the girl. "Wait, what about you? It's not safe out here. I can't just leave you!"

Cassie narrowed her eyes. "I'm coming with you."

"It's not safe."

"It's not safe anywhere. Plus I've got your girlfriend. I'll be fine."

I frowned. "I guess you got a point. Stay close."

I gave April a nervous look.

She answered with a puzzled "Whaaa?" and a parrot grunt that seemed to ask `What are you worried about?'

I gave her a sharp `You'd better' bark.

Zelda gave the I love you sound.

"You gonna kill her? The one with Dad's hat?"

I gulped. "Cassie, you're asking me to murder my own kind. I mean, I'll do it if I need to, but I'd rather not."

"But she killed Daddy!" Cassie broke into tears.

"Please don't do that," I stammered.

She dropped the Tiny Tears routine. "Promise to kill her."

I groaned. Already the other raptors stared at the girl, flexing their claws. If Cassie carried on like this, she'd get torn to pieces, for sure. I decided to lie, just to shut her up. "Fine, fine. I'll...kill her."

"Promise?"

"Promise," I sighed.

Taking a deep breath, I rushed up to my snake-like enemy, watching her sniff the crack at the bottom of the kitchen door, bang her head against the metal. The hat popped off her head, but she wore the string, so it still hung from her neck.

Idiot. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as she again pounded the door with her skull.

I crossed my arms, just watching her. "I think the other kids are safe."

Something rumbled. I glanced behind me and saw Speckleflanks emerging from the tin cans.

I dumped a giant salad bowl on her head, shattering it with a soup ladle (Soup of the day: Chicken Tortilla, quite messy). My opponent fell semi-unconscious.

Rattlesnake (or should I say Rattle Brain?) decided she would bop the door handle with her skull. Still I crossed my arms, wondering if and when this simpleton would figure the mechanism out.

Horse Forehead (now with a face scalded by cheese) let out an angry shriek, jumping at me with toe claws extended.

I dodged out of the way at the last second, and she had to spend an entire minute trying to extricate her claws from a leatherette booth seat.

"What are you waiting for!" Cassie shouted. "Disembowel that one at the door before she kills Tim and Lex!"

"Keep your pants on! She's obviously too dumb to even figure out—"

Rattlesnake's claw touched the door handle.

A lucky break. Like how a dog can pop a fence gate by jumping up and wiggling their paw back and forth. The door swung inward.

"Shit."

Giving me a nasty grin, Rattlesnake darted into the kitchen before I could stop her.

"Hey!"

At the same time, Streak Tail and Speckleflanks, both smelling of corn syrup, shoved past me, putting the children in further peril.

"You see Tim and Lex?" Cassie hissed as she joined me.

I shook my head.

Horse Forehead and Mickey pushed their way by the girl.

The fondue scarred one gave her a glance that said `I'll eat you later,' but Mickey stopped, whirled around to face Cassie.

She bared her pointy teeth, opened her mouth wide, drool trickling down her chin.

Zelda snarled at her.

I snarled too.

Then...Cassie snarled, waving her dinosaur bone threateningly.

I groaned, but Zelda smiled a little, as if proud of baby's attempt at being a tough dinosaur.

Mickey uttered a low growl and scampered on.

"Kids!" I yelled into the room. "You got company!"

Zorro Mask popped in last, giving me a complimentary belch in passing. Hey, I hear that's how Eskimos say thank you.

The pack now stalked around inside the kitchen. Rattlesnake barked orders.

The raptors sniffed around, split up, Rattlesnake and Streak Tail strutting between the sinks and stainless steel food preparation tables, Speckleflanks and Cheese Face padding down a middle aisle, Zorro Mask and Mickey by the gas range. Speckleflanks' feet, sticky with soda, made suckering noises as she walked.

Zelda and Cassie trailed behind Streak Tail beside the sink. Cassie, intent on killing the leader, tried to charge ahead on Zelda and club the streaky one, but my girlfriend refused to move.

Frustrated, the girl jumped off Zelda's back and rushed forward, but Zelda chomped on Cassie's shirt and forcefully tossed her back.

The bark Zelda gave sounded mean, but it meant, `Bad baby,' not `I'm going to kill you.' Cassie misunderstood, though, and cowered against a cabinet.

Zelda gave me a look that said, `What have you gotten me into?'

I suppose I could have just jumped in there and started busting heads, but I wanted to make sure I cracked heads in the vicinity of Tim and Lex, so they'd be able to escape with their innards intact.

...So I watched.

Rattlesnake hopped up on a counter, tail sending pots and pans crashing to the floor.

Startled by the clattering, Streak Tail peered through a cabinet.

Jangle, clatter, clinkety clank. Somebody had just jostled a bunch of cooking utensils.

Speckles and Horse froze, staring at each other.

Speckleflanks jumped on a stainless steel table, upsetting a giant pot and a saucepan. A thunderous noise ensued, a ladle causing such a racket that the two stopped and stared at it. Speckles shifted her feet, frowning at the suckering sound they made on the chrome surface. Horse Forehead glared at the ladle, wrinkling her scarred face. I rolled my eyes at their stupidity.

I squinted, searching for visual clues of my human comrades' whereabouts.

For a moment, I thought I glimpsed Tim's shoe, but then it disappeared.

It seemed the other raptors saw what I did. They sniffed, rushing toward one of the cabinets.

Clang clang clang!

I whipped my head around. Lex knelt on the floor, banging on the tiles with a large mixing spoon. "Hey! Over here!"

"Jeez, kid," I groaned. "You just gotta be the hero."

The moment Rattlesnake perked up and rushed toward the sound, I picked up a great big wok and bashed her in the head a few times. "Not the mama! Not the mama! Not the mama!"

Rattlesnake slumped unconscious on the tiles.

I glanced toward the sinks. Cassie didn't notice me not killing my opponent.

I pretended not to notice Lex slipping inside a cabinet, but Streak Tail and Horse Forehead turned to face that way.

Meanwhile, Tim limped toward a walk-in freezer. Guess he hadn't completely recovered from the fence and CPR and all that stuff - he moved awful slow.

I crept closer. From my vantage point, I could now see exactly where Lex concealed herself, but displaying any `tells' would draw attention to the hiding spot. Instead, feigning ignorance, I padded up beside the cabinet, `castling' her.

She shot me a questioning look, raised a hand to give a slight wave. I hazarded a wink.

Streak tail and Horse Forehead turned her way. Their tails sent pots and cutting boards and porcelain plates crashing and banging to the floor.

I glanced in Tim's direction. While I'd been watching Lex, Mickey and Speckleflanks had quietly stalked up beside him. I didn't see much of an `out' for him, despite how, due to the current noisy distraction, neither paid him much attention.

I unfortunately couldn't be in two places at once. I telegraphed my predicament to my girlfriend, but I noticed Zorro Mask creeping around Cassie's back.

Zelda snarled at the well fed raptor, then cast me a look that said, `You can do it,' then nodded to Cassie, indicating `Busy.'

Squick squick squick. Speckleflanks crept around behind Zelda, intent on overpowering her and getting to the girl. I nodded in that direction.

Zelda snarled at her sister. `She's mine!' It meant.

Cassie, noting that she hadn't been killed yet, clung to my girlfriend for dear life.

Lex reached up, attempting to close the cabinet. Streak darted around a prep table, bearing straight for her...Well, in that general direction.

Thinking quickly, I cranked a gas burner to high and grabbed another large wok.

Foof! Blue flame blossomed from the range. I set the wok down, dousing the inner surface with liberal amounts of oil.

Streak Tail and Horse Forehead froze, staring at me.

Schloop! In went scallions and whatever random edibles I found lying about. I didn't follow a recipe or anything. I'm pretty sure at least a couple of the foods should never be combined together.

I gave Streaky and Fondue Face a show, humming to myself as I flipped the (probably tasteless) concoction around like the Chinese chefs I'd seen on TV.

Ignoring me, Horsey leapt at Lex...or rather her reflection in the polished cooking island directly across from her.

Bang! Her skull struck the metal surface. She collapsed dazed on the floor.

Hearing Cassie laugh, I glanced toward the sinks. The masked one now squatted on the floor like a dog, the messy squirting noises indicating something she'd eaten hadn't agreed with her.

While this transpired, Tim had slowly been creeping toward the open door of the walk-in freezer.

Streak Tail perked up, did an about-face.

Mickey, likewise, having excellent peripheral vision, detected motion.

Although my antics served to gain the boy some distance, the two raptors whipped their heads around to glare at him.

I jostled the wok, allowing fire to leap into the basin, and with a mighty leap, hurled the flaming (likely inedible) stir fry into Mickey's face, cracking her over the head with the scalding metal on the rebound. She collapsed on the floor.

Although weak, Tim managed to make himself scarce, diving in the cooler.

I glanced back in Lex's direction, only to spot her rushing down the next aisle on all fours.

Speckleflanks crouched and sprang into the freezer after the boy, Streak Tail racing across a countertop and leaping after.

Seconds later, Tim burst from the interior with surprising speed.

Lex popped out of hiding, pushing on the door.

I ran to give aid, but Horse Head, no longer semi-conscious, jumped in my way.

I picked up a baker's mini blowtorch and a can of Pam, blasting her in the face with flame.

By the time she retreated with third degree burns, the children already had the freezer shut. Lex slammed a locking pin through the door handle, trapping Speckleflanks and Streak Tail inside. The two children rushed out a side door.

My girlfriend nodded toward them, nonverbally signaling Cassie to follow.

Instead of obeying, plump fingers and tufts of red hair appeared at the edge of a countertop, then a pair of little eyes. I was being supervised.

Zorro...still had the poopies.

When I tried to follow Tim and Lex, Rattlesnake dropped down in front of me and snarled.

In other words, `It's on.'

The heavy breathing and burnt meat smells behind me indicated I didn't have just her to contend with.

Cassie's eyes narrowed like she'd expected this. She wanted her pound of flesh.

"Thanks for the warning, kid!" I muttered.