I jumped into the air, kicking both foes in the head simultaneously. If this had been a Kung Fu movie, it would have been a graceful, balletic act shown in slow motion to demonstrate precision muscle control. If performed by Bolo Yeung, it would also be accompanied by brutality and crippling injuries.

I wasn't too bad at normal speed, though.

As they groaned on the floor, I rushed around a cooking island to the little girl. "C'mon, Cassie. We gotta get you out of here."

She pouted. "Not until you kill her. You promised."

I rolled my eyes. What was I, an executioner? "Look, I know what I promised, but I'm not going to kill another raptor in cold blood. I know I've done a few killing-ish things with scalding hot grease already, but—"

"You promised!" Cassie wailed, punching me in the chest. Then the waterworks came on.

"Cassie, I..." This is me not being entirely honest again, by the way. "I miss him to, but I know that if he...were around, he'd want you to be safe. You understand that, don't you?"

She nodded. "That's why you should kill her."

Sighing, I glanced at my girlfriend and gave her `Get her out of here' sounds.

April-Zelda nodded, grabbing a mouthful of Cassie's clothing. Cassie struggled against her, but Zelda kept pulling her back.

A second later, a bunch of pots and dishes came crashing to the floor, and Rattlesnake loomed over me from the countertop.

"Hey," I stammered, claws raised in surrender. "Can we have a truce? I promise to leave you alone if you leave me and my friends alone." In Raptor speak, I added, `Let us go, we no fight?'

Rattlesnake jumped, tackling me to the linoleum. A moment of confused wrestling ensued.

Rattlesnake gazed into my eyes, sniffed my body up and down, deeply inhaling my scent.

A sniff and a glance below told me everything I needed to know: My enemy was not female.

A disgusted grunt also indicated that my foe had discovered the same thing about me.

Cassie kept resisting my girlfriend, shouting "No" at her like a dog. Zelda resorted to biting her shirt collar and dragging her by the scruff of the neck. The female did get Cassie to the door, but couldn't figure out the door handle, and the girl refused to help. Luckily the only raptor near her still moaned on the floor with a case of indigestion.

Rattlesnake, clearly displeased by our closeness, opened his fanged mouth to rip out my jugular.

I moved a millisecond before his teeth snapped shut, yelping as his teeth instead sunk into my shoulder.

I balled my claws into fists, punching my foe in the face.

Rattlesnake roared, drove his claws into my chest.

I kicked him in the cloaca.

Forcefully.

Several times. He doubled over in pain.

"Albert!" Cassie screamed.

April-Zelda now faced against the raptor I'd deep fried, my female getting bitten and chewed bloody in the process.

I shoved Rattlesnake away from me, leaping onto the counter.

Rattlesnake lunged, but I grabbed a stack of plates and threw them in his face. An amazing amount of noise, by the way.

Picking up an industrial stew pot, I jumped from the stainless steel table, directly onto the burned creature's back.

Trying not to think about the kinkiness of the situation, I brought the pot down on her head, playing bongo drums with it.

"Look out!" Cassie cried.

Too late. Rattlesnake jumped with claws extended. I fell to the floor bleeding, pressed beneath his weight.

I bit and clawed at him, attempting to shove him off. Rattlesnake raked me across the face, kicked me in the cloaca. His claws dug into my throat.

Shoom! White foam exploded in my enemy's face. Cassie had somehow lugged a fire extinguisher that way and given him a generous blast.

She sprayed him again, filling my field of vision with white fog.

I glimpsed a plump hand snatching up a carving knife.

Don't know where the knife struck (at first) but it got Rattlesnake pretty upset. The child's body sailed through the air, banging into the stove.

The stew pot clattered to the floor. Zelda and Horse Forehead shrieked at each other. Lots of angry back and forth sounds. Dinosaur argument. It hadn't quite come to fisticuffs...yet.

Now that the fog had cleared, I could see the knife, buried handle deep in Rattlesnake's rear end. She shrieked at me.

Cassie groaned and rubbed her head, sitting up.

"Go," I mouthed to her. "Get out of here!"

Only when Rattlesnake turned and stalked after her did she hop to her feet and run.

She grabbed a sack of flour, throwing it in Rattlesnake's face. Our enemy paused a moment, coughing and wiping his eyes, his muzzle. Cassie used the opportunity to race to the door.

Clang! I glanced back and discovered, to my delight, that Zelda had once again brought the stew pot down on Horse Forehead's head. She had learned to use tools!

No time for celebration. While I had been watching the exchange, both Cassie and the ghost white, flour battered Raptor had left the kitchen.

I skidded on flour as I hurried to the door. When Zelda followed, she slid too.

A narrow hallway lay beyond the kitchen's rear door. The moment we stepped in, I heard a thump and metallic clanging. Horse Forehead had slipped and fallen on her butt.

No one remained in the restaurant. I scented Rattlesnake and Cassie, but didn't see them until we reached the main entrance.

A blonde woman in blue tank top and khaki shorts stood at the top of the spiral staircase, waving frantically to the little girl, now halfway up on the landing.

I recognized the lady from the Jeep I'd seen through my prison window. Her shoulder looked wounded and bloody. It seemed she'd had a run-in with our mutual enemies.

Cassie tried her best to run fast, but Rattlesnake ran faster, nipping at her heels. I resorted to grabbing rocks and bones and things from the base of the dinosaur skeletons and throwing them at him.

"Hey!" I screamed. "Over here!"

One lucky shot hit my foe in the head. He stopped, turned and gave me a look that said `Seriously?'

A moment later, Zelda was up the stairs, sinking her teeth into his tail. The two wrestled and growled down the steps. Let's just say that Rattlesnake didn't enjoy that knife going deeper into his butt.

The blonde woman had taken this opportunity to make herself and Cassie scarce. I heard a door click shut.

Zelda and Rattlesnake dropped to the foot of the staircase, growling, biting and clawing at each other.

I froze, caught between my devotion to the child and my affection for my female, now being viciously abused by our enemy.

If watching The Jungle Book had taught me anything, it was that a `Man Cub' would be safe among other humans with weapons. Theoretically.

Plus, Rattlesnake now bared his fangs to tear open Zelda's throat.

With a crazy Bruce Lee scream, I leapt and kicked Rattlesnake in the head, following up with a hard backfist and a chop to the neck.

He snarled and opened his mouth to bite, but I had already moved into a Karate Kid crane stance, jumping up with a double kick to the jaw.

My foot knocked that toothy mouth closed. He fell unconscious on the concrete.

Zelda gazed at me in loving awe.

Slight problem: It seemed that Horse Forehead had just discovered how to unlock the freezer, for now she, Speckleflanks and Streak Tail came rushing out from the restaurant.

Horse Forehead glanced at her fallen comrade and growled at me.

I stepped back in (ironically) fighting horse stance, hoping to distract the whole group away from the humans, but the other two just sniffed, nodded to each other, and rushed up the staircase.

"Dammit!"

Ever perceptive, Zelda made noises to the effect of `I'll take care of Horse Face, you go upstairs.'

`You sure?' I grunted back.

`Go,' she snorted.

I gave her the `I love you' sound and chased the others already halfway en route to the second floor.

Our plan backfired. Horse Forehead, being uninterested in a fight with Zelda, came running up the steps behind me `Company!' Zelda chirped.

The humans had holed themselves up in a room full of computers. I could see them and these computers through large circular windows.

Tim and Lex sat at one of these terminals, Lex laser focused on...the monitor, Tim mouthing words I couldn't hear. Grant stood behind the two, the dumb expression on his face indicating he couldn't even program a VCR. Cassie entertained herself in a swivel chair nearby, spinning it around and around and around. I couldn't see the woman.

The label on the door said `Control Room.' I hoped it had something to do with automatic door locks, because, well...Speckles knew about door handles.

By the time I arrived, she already had her syrup coated claw on the door handle, Streaktail popping her nose through the crack. Teamwork.

Grant, horrified, slammed his whole weight into the door. Steaktail quickly popped her nose out, but Speckles kept fiddling with the handle, and Streaktail had strong dinosaur muscles.

Again I ask, why so many inward opening doors? Have they not seen cop shows?

I jumped on Speckles' back, grabbing her door handle turning claws. The act felt very kinky, and would have gotten me in trouble with Zelda, had Speckles appreciated it, rather than throwing me off onto the tile floor.

The handle already turned, allowed Streaktail to once again stick her snout through the gap, Speckleflanks shoving hers in alongside. The blonde woman had to rush in and throw her added weight upon the door to get it closed again.

I punched and struck Streaktail with a hammerfist, socked Speckleflanks with a wheel kick.

Unfortunately, that's when Horse Forehead came to their aid, all three growling and smashing me into the faux ceramic squares. The oversized yellow plug to a floor buffer poked me uncomfortably in the nose.

Ka-Bang! The distinct sound of hollow aluminum and plastic striking a solid object. Speckleflanks collapsed on top of me.

Pow! The gray-black object bounced off Streaktail's noggin. She snarled and winced at the pain, backing away from me.

Horse Forehead whirled around, barking angrily.

A Nintendo console lay cracked and chipped on the floor near April-Zelda's feet, the cover to the springloaded cartridge loading tray shattered and hanging off. A gold Zelda 2 cartridge lay upended next to it. I bet my girlfriend would have found it hilarious if she could read.

All three raptors crouched, ready to pounce and disembowel her.

Spotting a wall outlet, I jammed the floor buffer plug home.

Having witnessed the machine in operation before, I nodded to Zelda, bobbed my head in the direction of the buffer/scrubber machine, made pinching motions with my claw.

Blink blink blink. I loved Zelda, but not a genius.

Groaning, I pointed to the machine, squeezing my claws like I had grabbed the handles and pulled the red lever in.

Zelda's eyes widened in understanding, but by then all three Raptors had already sprung into the air. I closed my eyes, fearing the worst.

Rrrrrrrrrrrr!

The unmistakable sound of the buffer in action. I opened my eyes again, suppressing a laugh at my mate's `Jane, stop this crazy thing' facial expression.

The powerful floor polisher had launched itself across the tiles with terrific speed, dragging Zelda along behind it.

The handlebars crashed into Horse Forehead, sending her sprawling to the floor, spinning plastic bristles and whatnot forcefully exfoliating her burned face as the machine rolled over her.

Speckleflanks and Streaktail, meanwhile, collided with one another in the air, crashing down on the tiles.

Horse Forehead staggered to her feet, wincing at her broken skin. She didn't notice she had a cord between her legs until Zelda reached the top of the stairs and it pulled taut, once again throwing her on her back.

The machine ran out of cord...and flooring, pitching down the staircase, with my girlfriend still clutching the handles.

Something made a loud clamping sound. I glanced through a window and saw Lex giving the sign for touchdown. Apparently they got the automated door locks to work.

No time to ponder it much further. My girlfriend would hurt herself tumbling down that staircase. I rushed after, bounding several steps to catch up.

Just barely.

I shoved the floor buffer aside, shielding Zelda with my body. The machine went boom boom boom all the way to the lower floor, where it flopped sideways with its undercarriage spinning. I and Zelda, in the meantime, our momentum didn't stop until we rolled onto the landing.

There I lay, flat on my back. Zelda smiled at me, giving me a flirtatious `Hey' noise.

"Hey," I grunted back.

She leaned in close, chewed on my mouth a little, licked the sides of my neck.

Our romantic interlude got cut short by the sound of shattering glass.

I got up, rushing to the second floor.

when I reached the control room, I found the windows shattered, the other Raptors suspiciously absent from the hallway.

"Great."