Chapter 6: In which Theseus's big brother repeats history.
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AN: Hey I'm back again. My current upload schedule is at least two chapters a month. I didn't feel super comfortable writing dialogue, as I didn't want to against canon, but I have decided Techno, Alex, Ghostbur, and anyone else I decide to add come from an alternate reality, which means they actually aren't out of character.
Gore Warning for this chapter, somebody gets screwed up. Don't read if you can't handle gore.
I got one comment (at time of writing) questioning the baby and my friend questioned the ghosts. The Duskertons still despise teens, but after getting the blue they were calmed down quite a bit and had a romantic encounter, which resulted in a ghost baby. Related note, I need a name for the baby, the child will also show up in the epilogue.
Discord server for questions and updates: /eSSP2GtYQS
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Technoblade was having a fight, one that made the battle against Dream seem trivially easy. It was as if two beings of Technoblade's level of intelligence, stubbornness, and martial prowess were locked in combat over their futures, neither willing to surrender, because that's what it was. Techno and Alex were having their first real argument.
T, 'We aren't telling him.'
A, 'Why not? It's not like it's important.'
T, 'I'm not telling Ghostbur that another version of myself exists, meaning another version of him also exists, and this version is just an actor who didn't have any real feelings for L'Manburg, and didn't die.'
A, 'It's not like he would remember unless it's important for the plot with his amnesia.'
T, 'He remembers important things, even if they're sad, we aren't telling him.'
A, 'Bruh, it won't affect how we act, I just want someone to talk to other than chat.'
T, 'Why on earth would you want someone other than chat to talk to?'
Def_not_a_stoner: I just had a thought. Unless it is specifically stated otherwise, any female character in fiction could technically be a futanari. (Based off an actual conversation from my friend group)
Raid3r: I… Technically?
Bananamilkshake: Def_not_a_stoner What? What has brought this on?
Average_techno_fan: Def_not_a_stoner you're right tho, why is that right?
Yallneedhelp: Def_not_a_stoner Jesus Christ what is wrong with you dude?
T, 'Alright, I see your point, but we still aren't telling Ghostbur.'
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This argument stated after bringing Ghostbur from the Dusk 2 Dawn where he had appeared to Technoblade's house, when Alex wanted to talk to Ghostbur about what had happened to Alex and see if Ghostbur had been combined with RL Wilbur Soot. Techno had refused Alex's request on grounds of not wanting to traumatize the spirit of his brother.
Techno and Alex spent the rest of the day after finding Ghostbur arguing, and because they were arguing inside their own head, Ghostbur noticed Tecchnoblade was being quieter than usual.
"Techno, are you alright? You seem quieter than usual." asked Ghostbur, awakening Technoblade to the outside world once again.
"No, w- I'm fine, just thinking." answered Technoblade.
"Are you sure? Here, have some Blue."
"Thanks."
With Blue in their system, Techno and Alex decide to call a truce for the night and settle in to bed, with Ghostbur and his blue sheep Friend sitting on the cliff behind Technoblade's house watching the stars.
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As the sun rose the next day, Techno and Alex's argument resumed and grew in scope as the day passed, until around noon when Techno had a suggestion.
T, 'Let's go out into the woods, away from Ghostbur so he doesn't overhear anything, and present our arguments to the Voices, and let them decide. Otherwise, this argument is going to last another day.'
A, 'Alright, let's go.'
"Hey Ghostbur, I'm going out for things, stay here and protect Friend."
"Okay."
With that, Technoblade set out to put an end to their argument.
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As Technoblade climbed a cliff to get to a peak he had seen earlier, chat was growing more excited for the argument.
Technofan12321: Fight! Fight! Fight! Techno, he knows what I like
Carpediem: Your honor, my client is straight ballin'
Def_not_a_stoner: I'm a witness, can confirm he be straight ballin'
Yodasstick: I am the judge, if your client isn't ballin', he shall be sent to brazil
Average_techno_fan: No not Brazil!
Yodastick: Average_techno_fan, quiet in the jury
Pathoftheswole: you're honor, how can Bananamilkshake be ballin' with that $30 haircut?
T, 'Chat chill, we're here. I need someone to preside over this debate/crown a winner, so I'll set up a poll.'
Technofan12321: Me!
Def_not_a_stoner: Pick me!
Yodastick: I'm already a judge
Carpediem: Pick me, I can speak latin
Pathoftheswole: what does latin have to do with judging?
Carpediem: Idk
Pathoftheswole: Fair, I vote for Carpediem
T, 'Alright, the votes have come in. In first place, we have Carpediem with two votes, everyone else is tied for second with one, with the exception of Pathoftheswole who has zero.'
Carpediem: Haha yes, I win! Multas gratias amicis meis eplarer.
Technofan12321: Wait, Child!
T, 'What?'
Technofan12321: Down there, walking down the mountain, it's dippy or something, but he's got tattoos
T, 'He didn't strike me as the kind of person to get tattoos. Let's go check on him.'
A, 'Alright, then we're putting this argument.'
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Dipper had asked the Manotaurs, half men and half taurs, for help becoming manly, and been provided a loin cloth, several temporary tattoos, and a spear made from one of the ribs of Leaderar in order to complete a variety of tasks, with bringing back a head from the multi-bear. The Manotaurs had bullied the multi-bear for his taste in music. After defeating the multi-bear in combat and learning why the Manotaurs wanted one of the multi-bear's heads, Dipper refused to go through with it, and was walking down the mountain back towards the cave where the Manotaurs crashed, called the Mancave.
Dipper felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, as if someone was watching him. He looked around himself, moving his spear from a casual carry into a defensive stance in case something jumped out at him. Dipper didn't see anything, so he resumed walking, when suddenly, a massive shape fell from above, landing in a cube of something blue before it the blue cube disappeared.
"Helloooooo"
"AAAAAAGH! Oh, it's you Technoblade, you scared me."
"What are you doing out here kid? And what's with the get-up? Nice spear by the way."
"Well… actually, you could help with this. I was trying to become manlier and these Manotaurs"
"Manotaurs?"
"Like Minotaurs, but more manly."
"Ah, I see. Please continue."
Dipper looked at Technoblade slightly confused that he knew what a minotaur was, but continued. "Anyway, these Manotaurs offered to help me become manlier, but they tried to make me kill this multi-headed bear because they didn't like his music choices. They gave me these temporary tattoos, this loin cloth, and spear for my final challenge of defeating the multi-bear. I'm going back to their cave to tell them I won't do what they want me to do, and give them back the spear."
"I would keep the spear; you never know when it might be useful. You want me to come with you in case they get violent?"
"Yes."
"Say, if you wanted some training, I would be willing to train you."
"Really? Thank you so much!"
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Dipper and Technoblade arrived at the man-cave, with Dipper feeling giddy that Technoblade had offered to train him, and Technoblade withdrawing within himself.
A, 'Why did you offer to train him?'
T, 'He has some skill in combat, and he has the drive. He was going to kill a bear without having any formal training, and is a good, moral kid, meaning even if he's trained, he is unlikely to turn on us.'
A, 'I wasn't disagreeing with you, I was just surprised you were willing to train him.'
Technoblade's retrospection was interrupted by Chutzpar, the first Manotaur that Dipper met.
"Dipper the Destructor! How goes your quest. And who is this?" asked Chutzpar pointing at Technoblade.
"This is one of my friends, his name is Technoblade. Could you gather the Manotaurs and Leaderaur?"
"So you succeeded Destructor, that is excellent news! I'll go gather the Manotaurs."
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"I'm not gonna do it." Dipper said to the assembled Manotaurs.
Leaderaur became irate at Dipper's declaration. "You were told! The price of man is the multi-bear's head!"
"Listen, Leaderaur, alright? You too, Tesosteraur, Pubertaur, and Chupzaur. You keep telling me that being a man means doing all these tasks, and being aggro all the time, but I'm Starting to think all that stuff's malarkey!" the Manotaurs gasped at having their lifestyle insulted. "You heard me, malarkey! So maybe I don't have muscles, or hair in certain places, and sure, when a girly pop song comes on the radio, sometimes I leave it on! 'Cause dang it, top 40 hits are in the top 40 for a reason! They're catchy!"
"Destructor, what are you saying?" Chutzpar asked.
"I'm saying the multi-bear is a really nice guy. And you're a bunch of jerks if you want to me to cut off his head!"
Leaderaur stood up, towering over Dipper, threatening him, "kill the multi-bear, or else!"
"No way!" Dipper refused.
"So be it." Leaderaur said as he raised his fist to smash Dipper. Dipper raised his spear, clenching it tightly, as he waited for Leaderaur to swing. Suddenly, Dipper was pushed out of the way by Technoblade.
"Kid, get out of here, let me handle this nerd!" Technoblade shouted at Dipper. Dipper nodded, and started running out of the man cave.
"You dare call me a nerd! I am the leader of the Manotaurs, the manliest of all taurs! What can you claim, short one?"
"Chat, chill, we're just going to delay him, we don't need music."
"You won't pay attention to me?! Fine, I will destroy you!" shouted Leaderaur as he swung both arms down at Technoblade.
Technoblade slid out from Leaderaur's fists, which made Leaderaur even more irate. Leaderaur began swinging faster and faster at Technoblade, but Technoblade would always just barely dodge, making Leaderaur even angrier.
"Fine chat, we can have music. I know exactly what song to play."
Leaderaur was even angrier that this pigman wasn't taking the fight seriously, when he heard music coming from nowhere. While Leaderaur couldn't recognize the music, Chat could, and was freaking out.
Average_techno_fan: Let's gooooooooo
Carpediem: That was such a good game
Bananamilkshake: Your source, Carpediem?
Carpediem: My source is that I made it the fuck up!
The music Technoblade had selected was Rules of Nature from Metal Gear Rising: Revengance.
Technoblade grabbed his sword, the orphan obliterator from his inventory and said, "Let's dance."
Leaderaur growled, ignoring the music, and breathed fire at Technoblade. Technoblade quickly placed some cobblestone in front of him to create a wall to block the fire, then started running on the walls to get closer to Leaderaur. However, while Technoblade's view was blocked by the fire, Leaderaur had pulled out five of his ribs, the same shape as the one he gave Dipper to use as a spear, and began using them as throwing knives, launching them towards Technoblade.
Technoblade noticed the five spears hurtling towards him as he was running on the wall of the cave. Technoblade dodged the first three, blocked the fourth with a swing of his sword, and grabbed the fifth and threw it back towards Leaderaur. The spear pierced Leaderaurs left arm, but it didn't seem to do anything.
Technoblade was still running on the wall when Leaderaur, seeing his throwing ribs had failed, raked his hands along the walls towards Technoblade. Technoblade saw the giant hand tearing up the wall and approaching rapidly and jumped doing a mid-air summersault before landing on Leaderaur's head.
Leaderaur breathed fire towards the insect sized pigman on his arm. When the fire cleared, Leaderaur could no longer see Technoblade and snorted in derision, thinking he had managed to kill Technoblade. Technoblade had been burned, but had jumped off Leaderaur's arm as the fire rushed forwards, and was currently holding onto the ceiling via a stalactite.
A, 'Alright, Dipper should be home by now, let's go.'
T, 'Nah.'
A, 'Nah? Why not? We already achieved what we needed to.'
T, 'I'm not going to let him live, not after he threatened T… Dipper.'
A, 'You were going to say Tommy, weren't you?'
T, 'Does it matter?'
A, 'I don't want unnecessary conflict because of your delusions.'
T, 'What delusions? The kid reminds me of my brother somewhat, and we are brothers. Besides, there is no way this guy is going to leave us alone now.'
A, 'Oh no, you've gone mad with blood lust.'
T, 'No I haven't, the only one I want to kill is the Manotaurs leader.'
A, 'That's right, you're an anarchist. No wonder you want to kill him.'
T, 'No, I want to kill him because he threatened the kid.'
A, 'Yeah right.'
T, 'I'm ignoring you.'
This entire conversation took place over a matter of seconds, and while it was happening the Manotaurs began praising Leaderaur for his victory. While He was being praised by his underlings, Leaderaur felt something off about the ceiling of the cave. Leaderaur looked up at the same time that Techno ended the conversation and dropped from the stalactite directly onto leaderaur.
Technoblade landed blade first in Leaderaur's left eye, splattering it, before running across Leaderaur's snout while dragging his blade across it, causing Leaderaur's nose to fill with blood. Leaderaur brought his hands up, either to protect his eye or to swipe at Technoblade, but before he could do anything, Technoblade lit a piece of tnt over Leaderaur's right eye and cut through Leaderaur's right arm.
Technoblade rode the top of Leaderaur's arm down to Leaderaur's chest, then dived off towards Leaderaur's laft arm. On his way across Leaderaur's chest Technoblade cut open a hole into Leaderaur's gut before latching onto the left wrist. Technoblade cut the wrist off and jumped diagonally downwards, slashing the back of Leaderaur's legs.
In the twenty seconds that had passed from Technoblade dropping from the ceiling to landing on the floor with Leaderaur falling to the ground in front of him, Leaderaur had lost both eyes, his sense of smell, an arm, a hand, the ability to stand, and his guts were falling out of his chest. Blood covered the cave, as deep as an ankle in some places, and the rest of the Manotaurs looked on in shock and horror. The biggest and strongest of them had been defeated by a pigman less than half his size, and the pigman wasn't even injured.
Technoblade walked past the stunned Manotaurs, pausing next to Chutzpar.
"This is what'll happen if you mess with me or that kid, got it?"
All Chutzpar could do was nod dumbly as Technoblade left.
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"Techno! How are you? What, do I smell blood?" greeted Ghostbur as Technbolade made it back to camp.
"Hey Ghostbur, a… cow tried to kill me, it's dead now."
"Oh, that's good! No cow could ever hurt you!"
"Yep."
"Want some blue?"
"Sure."
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Deep in the man cave, in a room with crimson floors and walls, a carving depicting a man with a pig's mask fighting and killing a giant minotaur, with script describing the fight between the hogtaur and the giant for the future of a hairless child, The script also claims the red coloring of the cave is from the blood of the giant.
–Excerpt from strange geological features of America, summer xxxxx edition
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Finished 2/12/2023, Words: 2,465. Witten using a pirated copy of Microsoft word 2007
Special thanks to Arknaz on Wattpad for becoming one of the voices
AN2: This my second authors note, figure I'll use this to talk about writing this chapter. This is my first real time writing combat, so I hope y'all enjoyed. I was stuck on less than 800 words for roughly a week, and was panicking that this chapter was going to be too short, and nobody would like it. Then I read a few fanfics that had 500 word chapters on average, and decided I'll be fine.