Edit to chapter 20:

(After Hastings gets devoured by Rexy)

Felicity fled in terror, cowering in a corner beneath the staircase.

Edit to chapter 21:

Clouseau, Felicity, Moriarty and Mickey remained alive. Rexy had been wounded, mostly on or below the belt. Superficial injuries, which meant the other raptors would soon be snacks.

Only Felicity kept her distance. Although probably the wisest of the bunch, she lacked the sense to make herself completely scarce.

Something had to be done. Yet, I didn't want to just jump in there and volunteer to be a snack.

And (In reference to the Brontosaurus meat):

"Unh-uh! No way! You keep that dirty shit out of my fridge! If you want to store rotten meat, use that deep freezer upstairs."

Oh. Right. Felicity and Hastings no longer occupied the cooler.

"Speaking of which, what's up with Poopy Raptor? Why's she got a tummy ache? And making the floor filthy?"

[0000]

Cynthia had me stick my head over the sink while he blasted my eyeballs with a dish rinsing nozzle.

I blinked rapidly and I could see again. I guess it helps to have nictating eyelids. "`And something like scales fell from his eyes.'"

"Did you just quote the bible?"

"It seemed appropriate."

She groaned. "Can you see now? Are you better?"

I nictated my eyes, shook my head to clear my vision. "Yeah. Still kinda stings a little—"

Cynthia blasted my eyes again.

"Okay, okay! Better!"

The first thing my clear eyes focused on: The dissolving doodoo in the sink. I frowned and looked away.

Cynthia self consciously cinched up her bathrobe, scowling at me.

Broken glass everywhere. Fish flopped as they expired on tiles next to the kitchen area. Trashed coffee table with a bloody chunk of Brontosaurus meat in the center, staining the carpet. Giant hole in the Michael Jordan, a chunk of glass missing, frame too mangled to piece back together. Sylvester and Tweety had taken a nosedive. The dinosaur skeleton hung askew on the wall, her plants toppled, leaves detached, potting soil seeping into the carpet fibers.

"Just an explanation: That's...Buttface poop in the sink. Velociraptor dung is larger, rounder, with a thicker consistency. I tried to clean up..."

She clenched her fists. "Out."

I blinked. "What?"

"Out!" Cynthia screamed. "Take your bloody disgusting meat and go somewhere else! You trashed my apartment! I'm gonna be all day cleaning this shit up!"

"Ummm...okay, but what about the carnivorous dinosaurs and stuff?"

She groaned and rubbed her face. "Okay, like, be a good guard dog and stand outside the door while I clean."

"Is it okay if I put up the Brontosaurus meat while you do that?"

Cynthia put her hands on her hips indignantly. "Frankly, I don't care what you do, but I'm going to be really pissed if that T-Rex or your raptor buddies come down here and bite my head off."

"Okay, so...no pressure?"

She opened the door. Hint, hint.

"Ohhhkay...Well...have fun!"

She blew a raspberry and flipped me off. "Hey, while you're at it, take Buttface for a walk."

"Uh, I already think he's done dong his business."

"Take him out of here anyway, peanut brain!"

I tried, but Buttface refused to come with me. "Looks like you already got a guard dog."

Cynthia swore under her breath. "Bye, Ebert." And when I didn't move, "I said bye!"

Giving the hallway a quick check for threats, I returned upstairs.

I pushed aside bowling balls, skated sideways on cleaning chemicals and nearly fell on my butt.

Still no raptors or other predators. I imagined them still out trying to kill Rexy or something.

I passed Zorro on the way to the freezer. By then she had `gotten it all out,' but she still lay groaning on the kitchen floor. "Hey, Zorro!"

She moaned and glared at me a little, but didn't seem to be in any condition to get up and fight.

Zelda churred at her, which earned basically the same reaction.

I stowed the meat on a cold shelf, hoping nobody would close me in like they did with Felicity and Hastings.

I closed the door. "Bye, Zorro."

Zelda chirped.

"Uuuuuggghh," Zorro groaned.

I remembered receiving something white and bad tasting from my keepers whenever I got a tummyache, but didn't know the first thing about how to find it, or how many capfuls to give an adult Velociraptor.

When I returned downstairs to get the hunting knife, I gave my girlfriend an apologetic look. "Babe, I love you, but I gotta do something that requires manual dexterity and an understanding of human cheffery. Would you mind waiting here and guarding Cynthia for me?"

Zelda nodded, but when I marched upstairs with the knife, she followed me.

"Stay. You understand stay, right?"

She gave me a noise like I'd just asked her why people in Europe drive on the left side of the road.

"Never mind. She's got Buttface. We'll be back in a minute."

The birds, Pterodactyls and other random animals had taken a fair chunk off the Brontosaurus, but, you know, it's a Brontosaurus, so still a lot of real estate.

As I stuck in the blade, I suddenly noticed how...speckly the dinosaur's flesh looked.

Okay, so I kinda noticed it before, but I'd been hungry, and my brain really hadn't put two and two together until that very moment.

"Geoffrey?" I gasped. "Oh no! Say it isn't true!"

I stared at the face and whimpered a little. "Oh Geoffrey...Why did you have to be so tasty?"

Geoffrey was not alive enough to comment.

"No matter. I will make very delicious things out of you...to honor your memory."

I cut off a hunk roughly the size of a butcher's beef carcass and threw it over my back.

Not as easy as it sounds. I know I lifted a T-Rex skull, but that had been pretty uncomfortable too, kinda put a crick in my spine. This Side-of-Bronto, although more manageable...not something I could sprint up to the building with.

I took it slow, pretending to be a student in a Kung Fu movie lugging around those cone shaped water buckets.

...Of course, halfway there I noticed a landscaping cart off in the grass...not exactly close. I'd have to look into that during the next trip.

Lug, lug, lug. Schlep, schlep, schlep. Zelda helped me carry it here and there, kinda dropping the ball when she got tired, but that's okay. Overall, a great workout. I got it in the freezer. I'd have to make the chops and filets later.

I briefly checked downstairs. The sound of a vacuum cleaner and swearing. "I'll...leave you to it."

Outside, I tapped my chin thoughtfully as I walked around the landscaping cart.

Some kind of light duty vehicle, perhaps for planting flowers or superficial detailing around the Visitor Center.

Hammond's regular landscaping crew used industrial tractors with irrigation or lawnmower attachments, or pickup trucks bearing various landscaping implements, aeration, tilling and weed control stuff. Whilst imprisoned, watching them clip grass and shave weeds off the hillside had often been the highlight of my day.

This thing, though...

The cab had been designed to fit a small adult human being. The driver practically sat at ground level to drive it. Hard top, windshield up front, no side doors. The flatbed in the back had been designed to haul sod, or a load of bricks.

The owner had left the key in the ignition. You know, island out in the middle of nowhere, piece of green junk nobody cared about.

I turned the key and its motor puttered in a fashion similar to a lawnmower, rolling downhill. I jumped on the side like a trash man, leaning halfway on the seat, turning the wheel as I stomped the pedal.

Zelda just stood and watched wide eyed, making squawking `be careful' noises.

You would have thought I'd learned my lesson with the golf cart earlier, but no. The landscaping car rocketed down the hill at (okay, honestly about thirty miles an hour)...incredibly fast.

My girlfriend ran behind me at a cautious distance.

Terrified, I bailed out, watching as it roared along the slope.

The cart briefly took to the air, careening into the back end of the Brontosaurus. Birds, pterodactyls, and scavenging animals erupted from the carcass.

Zelda licked my face, like `Thank goodness you're okay.'

"Guess that spares me the work of tenderizing it."

The cart puttered against the Brontosaurus, a massage it might have enjoyed if it were still alive. I hear that's good for preparing meat, too.

The wheels, of course, had stopped. It had been sheer momentum bringing the cart down.

It took some effort, but I lifted the front end of the cart and dragged it around to face the other way.

I sliced off a pile of Brontosaurus slabs that just barely fit in the bed.

The cart kinda smelled like gasoline now. Probably not good to have it jostling around so much. Anyhow, since I figured I had a better idea of how to drive the thing now, I did my trash man routine again.

The moment Zelda understood what I was doing, she blew a raspberry, the message being `You and your crazy schemes.' But she stood close and watched me anyway, evidently concerned for my well being.

Not exactly easy, driving that cart uphill. I really had to floor it to get it to climb, it rolled backwards downhill the moment I took my foot off the pedal. Of course a couple of my choice cuts fell off the bed, but I didn't have the luxury of stopping to pick them up, and didn't expect Zelda to do it.

I did make it to the main staircase with four.

Zelda gave a warning churr as she dashed up to join me. She appeared panic stricken about something.

"What is it, baby? Did Rexy come back?"

She shook her head.

I looked up. "Uh-oh."

You know who doesn't like you sawing large chunks off of a dead Brontosaurus, and shipping it into cold storage like some stockyard employee? The Brontosaurus's best friend Nigel.

Nigel bellowed, her big heavy feet sending shockwaves through the pavement with each thundering gallop.

A forty thousand pound dinosaur, charging at me like a bull elephant.

And like a bull elephant, those giant feet could easily pancake a puny little Velociraptor quite easily.

"This isn't what it looks like!" I shouted.

My unconvincing defense did not stop the massive creature from stampeding.

"Okay okay! So it might be a little of what it looks like, but I wasn't present for the actual murdering itself!"

Nigel only bellowed angrily and kept plowing straight for me.