Ravi smiled, seeing his sleeping fiancée sprawled out on their bed, her legs tangled in the sheets and her face peaceful.
He stood on his tiptoes, reaching all the way to the back of the closet, where he kept them.
Pip would probably fangirl over them, stumbling over her words as she said how sweet it was.
His fingers found it, a round, cardboard box. Maybe that was why their letters were different.
Pip's were clear cut, her box was straight lines and edges.
Ravi's were curved, no meaning, just random thoughts that never formed a straight line, in a box that never formed a straight line either.
He untied the ribbon keeping the white lid on the pale blue box. The ribbon fell to the ground, as Ravi lifted the lid and sat down on the bed, near Pip's feet.
He picked up the first envelope he saw. All of these letters, the moments were encased in an envelope for safekeeping.
He never sealed the envelopes, either. He didn't know why, but it just felt wrong.
If he sealed them, he was scared they wouldn't be able to escape, get out and reveal themselves to the one he intended them to be shown to.
Wouldn't be able to show them to Pip.
He slid the lined, flimsy paper out from its case.
Something fragile being held in something else fragile.
Breakable as glass, sharp as glass, and as clear as glass.
February 28th, 2019
Hello, My Troublesome Sarge
My sweetly sarcastic queen
Today is your day
The one devoted to you and you only
But you're not here.
You're not with me, the way I thought you would be.
And I feel so bad for being mad at me for it.
Mad that I could've done more.
Made you stay.
But is that selfishness?
It was your decision to leave and I should respect that
Because you know what's best for you
But you did it for me though
And I wish you hadn't, you don't need to save me
I would gladly go down for you
Spend my life locked away for you, because I love you.
I love with all of my being, Pip
Every moment that you're not here aches because I miss you so, so much
And I know I can't do anything to bring you back until you decide
Happy birthday Pip. Have the happiest day.
Ravi frowned, his lips turning downwards, his thick eyebrows forming a V
Why had he seemed so, well, desperate? So desperate for Pip, for her to come back.
Because he needed her.
Pip was the other half of him, the half he never knew he had needed until the day they met.
The round box was filled with an assortment of small objects.
Ravi spotted an Origami Crane that Pip had folded not long after they first met and had sat on his desk since then until he put it in the box.
A bit further down in the box was the card Pip had sent him after they had finished the Andie case, a big cursive I'm Sorry on the front.
His lips turned up into a sad smile, because she still hadn't changed.
Ever since the day she barged into his life, she was unapologetically Pip…but in an apologetic way.
In the moment, Pip never thought about how her actions might affect herself in the future, but she always aimed to preserve others.
And then when she had her moment, the moment where she realized how bad she did, (she never actually did, but she always managed to convince herself) she would beat herself up over and over because of it.
It was something Ravi loved about her, but it also made him very sad.
It made her so human, the flaws and insecurities she had. It was sweet, but sickeningly saddening.
He had witnessed many of her realization moments in person, from breaking up with him because of Jason, to a sob session she had on their bed after she spilled her coffee when they went out for breakfast, because she had 'made extra work for the workers'
Ravi had tried comforting her during many of these episodes, from rubbing her back to making her a coffee, but they never worked.
Eventually, he realized that Pip would come to him if she wanted him.
Most of the time she just wanted a cuddle, for her to sit next to him on the sofa and wrap her arms around his waist and put her head into its spot at the base of his neck.
In turn, Ravi would wrap his arm around her and rub her arm with his thumb.
But her moment tonight was a bit different.
For one, she wasn't crying. Every time she came to him, her breath would heave against him with horrible heartbroken sobs, the kind Ravi hated hearing from her but he couldn't stop, because he knew it was her outlet.
She had never been hesitant before in sitting down with him either.
As Ravi sat there, Pip shuffling in his sleep next to him, his mind wondered how many things he didn't know about her yet.
He thought maybe, over the six years they had known each other, Ravi knew most things about her. But he didn't think Pip knew everything about herself, either. So maybe there were things he didn't know.
But maybe he knew her best?
He knew all the things a fiancé would know about their betrothed, like her favourite colour (sage), her favourite food (Maple Syrup French Toast), or what their favourite date activity was.
If they were best friends, he would know what Pip would want to do when she grew up or how many kids she wanted. But Pip didn't know that either.
Right now, Pip was on track to becoming an English Teacher, but he could tell that's not what her heart was aching to do. He knew she wanted to investigate, but she couldn't. After the podcast's third season, the one covering Jason, she had stopped. Just stopped, with no mention of Detective work after that, but Ravi could tell she missed it.
They had also barely touched on the topic of children too, the only talk made were off handed jokes about any hypothetical children they had. Ravi knew he wanted some, but he wasn't sure about Pip, and it was her choice. Knowing her, she would probably have an episode about how bad of a parent she would be, and they'd end up cuddling on the couch again.
But maybe one day, they'd have little Pips that Ravi would love as much as the original, and there was nothing he loved more than Pip.
One day.