Winter's Refuge
Chapter Forty-Three
LOM
The Kid turned suddenly and left the meeting. I went to follow him, but Heyes stopped me, nodding his head to the three men on the other side of the table.
"Thanks," he said, but I could tell his eyes were evaluating the faces of the three men, the governor, Colin and Lyle Kelly. Even to me none of them had poker faces. And it wasn't annoyance at the Kid I read there, it was concern, maybe fear for him.
"I'll have the men at your hotel room in ten minutes," Lyle Kelly announced.
"These men aren't prison guards, are they?" I imitated the Kid's growl. It was good, but not as threatening.
Heyes had taken a step behind me. The three men exchanged glances, each waiting for the other to speak.
In their silence, I added, "If they are, or were, don't bother to send them."
Colin found his courage to speak first. I realized that even though Heyes was behind me, he had taken his outlaw stance and stood tall, looking at each of the men in turn.
"We have information to believe that Fitzjohn and his hired gun are here in Cheyenne. Makes sense this is the one place they can count on Mr. Curry every month."
I nodded but did not change my harsh look. "And you let the Kid walk out of here alone knowing that?"
"Our men were at the door waiting for him, for all of you." Colin's eyes were pleading with me to understand, but I didn't.
I saw Heyes leaving out of the corner of my eye, so I finished quickly. "If those men have anything to do with the prison, call them off. We protect our own."
I left without saying more. I knew that Heyes was going to try and catch the Kid and I needed to catch them both. A man, I recognized from the prison, was standing in the middle of the sidewalk watching Heyes' back. He must have been deciding if he should follow me or him. The other must have trailed the Kid.
This guard gave a sigh of relief when he saw me, thinking he could now guard both of us.
"Stand down!" I ordered him. "Report for new orders," I said over my shoulder as I ran after Heyes. He was probably going to get into trouble for not guarding us, but I recognized him as one of the guards that taunted the Kid each time we visited Heyes. The Kid was more likely to fight him than let him help protect us.
Heyes had headed straight for the hotel, and I followed. At the top of the stairs, a now armed Kid was challenging the guard who had followed him now standing on the bottom stair. "You stood there and miscounted the lashes the warden gave me and laughed about it. You threw salt water into the lacerations on my back. And now you expect me to believe that you're here to protect me? Leave…and don't come back."
Heyes ran halfway up the steps and stood directly in front of the Kid, blocking his view.
"Move, Heyes," the Kid ordered.
"Stand down," I told the guard. Doing as Heyes had done, I stepped in front of the man blocking his view of the Kid. It worked, he looked at me.
Heyes pushed the Kid in the chest. "GO!" he said.
As I reached and took the guard's gun out of his holster, I realized Heyes said a new word. Tension broken; I chanced a glance around. The governor, Kelly, and Colin had followed me in but I didn't see the second guard I had told to stand down. I was surprised by the strength of Kelly's voice, "Stand down, Mr. Garber, and you too, Mr. Curry."
The Kid had turned and taken steps towards our room but came back at the warden's words to stand at the head of the stairs.. "You ain't got no say over me, Mr. Kelly. I'm a free man."
I saw a shudder go through Heyes entire body and a flash of fear hit his face. The Kid saw it, too, and stopped, putting his hand on his cousin's shoulder.
His face didn't soften, he was still defiant, but he stopped and addressed Warden Kelly. "I ain't gonna shoot nobody, Warden. Just want to be left alone to live my life and protect my family as I see fit."
The guard, Garber, had moved down the stairs and stood behind the governor. In my mind, I labeled him as a coward.
"Jed," Colin started.
"So, it's Jed again?"
Colin walked up a few steps toward the Kid, ignoring the comment. "Jed, we believe that Fitzjohn is near, very near, waiting to kill you. He's hired Nash Archer."
That name got Heyes attention…and mine. He moved up a few steps closer to the Kid. And I was two steps lower.
"Nevada Nash? He's not wanted?" I asked.
Colin hadn't taken his eyes off the Kid. I think he had the same idea I did. The Kid wanted to take Heyes and run. "He's not wanted anywhere but Nevada. Why don't we come up to your room, Jed, and we can all talk."
Heyes saw the movement before we did. Nevada Nash Archer stepped out of one of the second floor rooms and stood behind the Kid. From his position, Archer could see Heyes and the Kid but not the rest of us. "Stay right where you are, Curry, and I'll only kill you and leave your partner alive."
Trapped, I could see the Kid's hand waver over his gun. From his angle, he could see if Nash missed by an inch, we were all in his line of fire, especially Heyes. The Kid put his hands up and turned to fully face the hired gun.
"No, Curry, I ain't no killer. I need you to go for your gun."
We could only see the front of Nevada Nash; his back was in the shadows.
"I ain't never drawn first." The Kid had stood up taller, his shoulders squared, his feet apartt. If anything, he looked calmer now than he had minutes earlier.
"Don't you move anywhere, Heyes," Nash growled and stepped back further into the shadows.
Heyes stayed put, his eyes fixed on the Kid.
I didn't know what changed, but the Kid lowered his hands, stepped forward and assumed his gunfighter stance. A stance that screams danger to me and all who see it. But something was different. He shifted slightly so his body was between Nevada Nash and Heyes. To me, he seemed to be looking past his opponent. I glanced around quickly. Garber was gone. Was that a good thing? Was he trying to help or was he the coward I thought?
The quiet hush hung in the air. To me, I didn't think the Kid was even breathing. He was so still. Then without drawing, he stepped forward, yelling, "DOWN!"
Only Heyes hesitated. I tackled him and dragged him to the ground with me. Three quick shots were fired, and the silence returned.
JED 'KID' CURRY
I never drew my gun. The guard who was assigned as my bodyguard must have climbed the back staircase because in the shadows, I saw him behind Nevada Nash Archer. Me and Archer have a history. He's smart in his gunfights. It never looks like he started it. This time he did, and I wasn't gonna finish it for him. I always had patience in my gunfights, prison taught me quiet control.
When I saw movement behind Archer, at first I was afraid it was Lom. He's an accurate shot but not a quick draw. It wasn't Lom, it was Garber. Turns out Garber didn't have to be fast; he was quick, quick to approach Archer from behind and hit him on the back of the head with a heavy doorstop.
Without time to plan, I yelled, "Down!" hopin' my warning was understood. I knew Nash's finger was already on the trigger of his gun and in the moments before he lost consciousness, he fired twice, but his gun was pointed down the steps as he fell. My heart gripped in fear as I felt the two bullets whiz by my legs toward Heyes and the men I knew had been climbin' the staircase behind me. The gun fell hard to the floor and fired once more.
HEYES
When I got to the hotel, I recognized the man standing near the bottom of the stairs as one of the rougher guards at the prison, Mr. Garber. He enjoyed using his billy club. The Kid was yelling at him. I stopped, shaking, and looked down, waiting for the guard to give me an order or strike me with his bully club. But he ignored me. His focus was the Kid. I tried to focus on what was said in the meeting. It was important I catch up with the Kid. Someone was trying to kill him. Was that this guard? No, this must be the protection assigned to us. Lom feared they were prison guards, and he was right. I ran up the stairs and stood in front of the Kid, blocking his view of Garber. He was angry at me, but I had to stop this. If I had heard right, Garber was not the threat, he was on our side. I pushed the Kid toward our room, saying, "Go!" I hesitated for a beat, that was a new word for me.
But I saw the threat first. It was Nevada Nash Archer. This must be the fast gun Warden Fitzjohn hired. He was behind the Kid. Nash and the Kid had faced off before. He had accused me of cheating and the Kid had my back. He's always had my back. No, I can't let my thoughts wander. We are in danger. The Kid is in danger. He stepped between Archer and me. I can't see Archer clearly anymore. I need to do something. I need to have his back, but I don't know what to do. I left my knife at home, and I can't touch a gun. I have to be careful here. Others have guns. I can't touch a gun. I think the Kid yelled something. Someone is pushing me to the ground on the stairs. Who? Garber? No, Lom.
"Concentrate, Heyes. Stay down," Lom tells me. He's lying on top of me. I heard shots. Is the Kid hurt?
The quiet broke. People were moving around us.
"Heyes, Lom, were you hit?" The Kid's voice has an urgent edge to it.
Someone else is demanding, "Put your hands behind your back, you're under arrest!" It's Garber's voice. I did something wrong. I'm going back to prison.
I don't think I did anything wrong. Was the Kid hurt? Why am I under arrest? I try to do as I was told and move my arms behind my back without getting up. Lom is on top of me. Lom is moaning. I reach back and touch Lom's side. It's wet…sticky? Bleeding?
"L…Lom?"
"Lom, where're you hit?" It is the Kid's voice.
"Heyes, get ready to move. We're going to pick Lom up." I think that was Colin's voice. I'm confused. I'm under arrest for something. I feel a tremor rock my body. Fear grips me. Darkness is closing in; it's safer in my darkness.
"Heyes, listen to me!" The Kid's voice is firm. Is he angry? No, but he wants me to do something. I turn my head and find his concerned eyes studying me. "You with me, partner?"
I nod, but I'm not sure what to do. I'll do whatever he asks, help him if I can.
"I got him," I hear the Kid say and suddenly Lom's weight is off me. "Go open the door to our room, Heyes."
The Kid is carrying Lom in his arms. I stand up and look at the blood on my clothes. Then I look for the guard that arrested me. "Heyes, go get the door open."
Focus! I need to focus and get the door to our hotel room open. I can do that. I go up the stairs and look back. The Kid is carrying Lom by himself. Lom is not a small man; he must be heavy. But the Kid is strong now.
"Help?" I ask using another word I didn't know I had.
"Only help I need is that door opened."
The Kid put Lom on his bed. There are a lot of people in our room. Garber, the prison guard,was gone for awhile. I heard he took Nevada Nash Archer to the jail. Garber is back now. DId he come back to get me? Maybe he forgot he arrested me. I stand in the corner behind the door and watch quietly.
The Kid and Colin are taking Lom's shirt and pants off. They are all bloody. I see a long wound on his side. It looks little near his ribs but gets deeper on his thigh. They are tearing up the sheets from my bed and holding them on Lom's wounds. I can help. I can do that. I start tearing the other sheet.
The Kid catches my eye for a moment. "Just what we need. Wet that rag and give it to me."
I do as he asks and prepare another one for Colin. The rags they take off are soaked with blood. The governor and Warden Kelly are waiting for someone in the hall. Mr. Kelly takes the water bowl and pitcher and comes back quickly with clean ones.
"Doctor's coming up the stairs now," he says. Warden Kelly was fair with me when my six months in general population started, although he always reminded me I was serving time for murder. He is not the evil warden that tried to kill the Kid. When the doctor came, he brought his nurse and we all waited in Lom's room across the hall. The governor left the door open and kept walking between the two rooms. It was very quiet. I stood in the corner and watched the Kid. He would tell me if I needed to do something.
Finally, the governor sat down on the bed. The Kid, Warden Kelly and Colin were sitting at the small table all looking out the door into the room across the hall. Garber and another man came and stood outside the door. They must be there to arrest me, but they are waiting to see how Lom is. I recognize them. They are both prison guards.
"Mr. Curry," the governor finally said. "I urge you not to fight our offer of protection. Fitzjohn is close and he will know that Nash Archer failed."
The Kid took his eyes off of Lom and saw me standing in the corner. I was trying to control my trembling. I thought I was doing well but the Kid saw through my efforts. "Heyes, relax and go sit on the bed. I heard the doc say Lom should recover."
The governor was on the bed. Was I supposed to go sit next to him? Probably not. "Mr. Heyes, it's fine. Come join me here." The governor looked right at me and told me to sit next to him, so I did it. "Mr. Trevors is going to be in surgery for a while still."
The Kid stood and went to our room. I could see him avoiding the doctor. He came back almost immediately. "Here, Heyes, change your shirt. It's all bloody. You sure you're alright?"
"Y…yes." I didn't want to change in front of these men, but they were all watching out the door again as the doctor was saying something.
"I'll get it." Colin jumped up and left.
When no one was looking, I took my shirt off, trying to stand with my back towards the wall. It's not as bad as the Kid's, but so many beatings have left long scars criss crossing it. As I started to put on the clean shirt, I looked up and realized that the governor can see my back from where he was sitting. Turning away, I button up the clean shirt. It is one of the Kid's and too big for me. Still, it is better than the bloody one I had taken off.
Garber and the other guard I recognize from the prison are standing out in the hall watching both rooms. I can see it bothers the Kid, but he's holding it in. Are we all under arrest?
There is a new man at the door now. I do not know him.
"Governor, I'm Sheriff Will Abbott. How can I help? Don't think this hotel room is the safest place to be if someone is trying to kill you."
"Thank you for coming, Sheriff. Have the US Marshals been notified?"
"Yes, four will be here within the next two hours. You need four men to guard you?"
"Maybe one for me. The other three to guard Mr. Curry and Mr. Heyes," the governor said easily.
So that's what's going to happen. The mar hals are going to take me and the Kid to prison. I don't know what we did wrong. The Kid doesn't seem too worried or upset. I'm confused but I'll do as he tells me.
JED 'KID' CURRY
I don't like, it but me and Heyes are sittin' in the jail with Colin, Warden Kelly, and the governor. The sheriff convinced them that this was the safest place for us until the marshals arrived. Nevada Nash Archer, locked in the far cell, was rantin' about false arrest because I drew first. Garber sat on chair, outside the cell, arms crossed, and was silent. I tried to apologize and thank him.
"Just doing my job, Curry. I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here. Orders. Don't like outlaws and convicts pretending to be good citizens." That ended any further conversation.
Lom had woken up just before they brought us over here. Once they got that bullet out of him, he wanted to get up and out from all the medical attention, even though the nurse was pretty. I thanked him for savin' Heyes' life cause that's what he did. That bullet that ripped up his side would have hit Heyes near the heart. He'd given me a weak smile before he went back to sleep. The doctor refused to let him be moved, so our other bodyguard stayed with him.
I reminded everyone that would listen that me and Heyes were leavin' tomorrow mornin' on the eleven o'clock train. Ain't no way he's gonna violate his parole conditions, even if I have to fight every one of them. When we came into the jail, the sheriff said me and Heyes could rest in the near cell if we wanted. I couldn't tell what Heyes was thinkin'. He had gone into himself again. He went into the cell and sat on the near cot. He looked surprised I didn't follow him. I took a seat across from the sheriff's desk and looked around. The sheriff asked the governor to stay in the interior office. Colin and Warden Kelly joined him.
"Jed, we could use a fourth and fifth for poker," Colin called.
"Heyes, you want to play poker?" I asked him but got no response. I walked over to the cell he was usin'. "You ain't gotta stay in here, partner. You're not a prisoner." I could tell from his expression he didn't believe me. "Let's go play cards."
He shook his head but trailed me to the windowless office. There were two empty seats at the table, but he went and stood in the corner instead. Every sound made him jump. He was not really listenin', just reactin'.
HEYES
Me and the Kid are in the Cheyenne jail. Something doesn't seem right. The governor, Colin, and Warden Kelly are here, too. They led me and the Kid to a cell, but the Kid refused to go in. No one got mad at him. But I remember what happened. I remember that the Kid is in danger. He says something about poker, but I don't want to play poker. I don't have a poker face anymore. I was allowed to leave my cell to play poker, but I didn't sit at the table. I stood in the far corner and watched everyone. I need to have the Kid's back. His temper is close to the surface. I can tell. He's in a lot of pain still and it's harder to control his temper when he hurts.
From where I'm standing, I can see the only door. I can also see the governor's and Colin's cards. I try not to look but I don't think they play very well. The Kid was winning, but it looks like he is playing to lose. I never taught him that. He doesn't lean back in his chair. He is still hurting. Chrissy isn't here to put the salve on his back tonight. I'll try to do it. He keeps telling everyone that we're leaving on the eleven o'clock train tomorrow morning. We couldn't do that if we were under arrest. I relax a little but still stay on alert.
I've been thinking about what happened and I understand why the Kid is still in danger. Nevada Nash Archer was captured today. He tried to kill the Kid. He's in a cell in the jail. He can't leave like we can. But he's only a hired gun. Someone paid him and told him how the Kid comes to my parole meetings each month. That's the man we have to catch. His name is Fitzjohn. I have an idea, but I need my chalkboard. I forgot it in the meeting when I ran after the Kid.
I step over and touch the Kid on the shoulder and step back.
"Heyes?"
I made a motion like writing.
"Where's your chalkboard?" the Kid asked.
I shrugged my shoulders.
Colin answered for me. "He left it in the meeting room. I sent a young boy over there to get it."
"Saw it on the sheriff's desk," added Warden Kelly.
"Fold," said the Kid and pushed back his chair. I could tell his back was stiff as he stood but you couldn't see it on his face.
When I had my chalkboard, I led the Kid into the cell I had been sitting in earlier. We sat on the cot.
"Plan catch Fitzjohn," I wrote slowly, carefully. I concentrated on keeping focused on this.
"I'm listenin', partner."
He didn't really mean listening. He means reading. "Who know happened?"
He thought for a moment, and I wondered if he understood. My heart beats faster with frustration.
"Well, everyone here and at the hotel and the doctor," the Kid answered. He did understand.
"And you can bet your life that Fitzjohn was watching. He was keen on watching Kid Curry die." The deep voice of Nevada Nash came from the next cell. "Figure if I help, maybe I can get a break at my trial."
The Kid ignored him. "Marshalls comin' here?" he asked.
"Yes, four," Colin answered as I realized he was reading over the Kid's shoulder. "Why?"
I froze for a moment. I thought I was alone with the Kid but not only Colin, but the sheriff and governor were in the small cell. And Archer was listening from his cell.
"Heyes, what's your plan?" The Kid was interested. All these people were interested. I hoped my plan was viable and not just something crazy from my mind.
"FJ needs new gunman," I wrote. "Set up marshal as gunman."
It might work." The governor was talking to himself rather than us. "Yes, it can work if you, Mr. Curry, will be the bait."
That wasn't what I had meant. I don't want the Kid in danger. But he agreed.
"Keep Kid safe!" I wrote hastily but everyone ignored me.
Now the governor was taking charge. "Sheriff, can you intercept the marshals before they come here? Fitzjohn may be watching if they come here. Get one to volunteer for this. Maybe pretend he's drunk, broke, and a gunfighter in the saloon across the street."
I just sat back and watched the energy of the men who were tired of just sitting around burst with ideas. I wanted Fitzjohn caught. I needed him caught before he killed the Kid.
"Good job, Mr. Heyes," Warden Kelly told me. "This just might work."
"Better work quick. Me and Heyes are on that train to Bridgeport tomorrow," the Kid reported again.
"That's where we set you up then. On the train."
JED 'KID' CURRY
The governor, Colin, Warden Kelly, and the sheriff were all used to bein' in charge. Once Heyes described his plan, all of them started tossin' out ideas, addin' to it, improvin' it. I kept remindin' them that me and Heyes were leavin' on the train tomorrow mornin' for Bridgeport. I winked at Heyes and leaned back watchin' them. I wasn't too keen on bein' the bait, as they called it, but if it would end Fitzjohn's vendetta against me, then I'd do it.
Heyes winked back at me.
"You did good today, Heyes!" I praised him. "At the hotel you stopped me from a shootout with our bodyguard. I'd lost my temper. "You're the only one that could've calmed me down Thank you."
"Lom?"
"He saved your life, partner," I told him. He nodded his agreement. "He's goin' be fine."
"Good!"
"Heard you say a new words today, 'go' and 'help'! Proud of you. You don't have to be on that train with me tomorrow. It'll be dangerous to be near me. I can have someone ride with you on the early train."
He looked around and found his chalkboard, then searched for the chalk, findin' it in his pocket. Rubbin' his hand over the new frame, he grinned at me. "Go with Kid. Watch back," he wrote.
Colin seemed to be takin' the lead in the plannin' now. I didn't know how I feel about Colin. After we rescued Chrissy, I thought we were friends. But he had quietly watched my vicious lashin'. He let Warden Fitzjohn use the cat o'nine tails, instead of a regular whip, and the guards add extra lashes. In the meetin' today, he accused me of gettin' a girl pregnant and leavin'. He thought I could have done it. Wasn't me. I've never been near there.
But now I'm thinkin' about it. It wasn't Fitzjohn's stepdaughter, and she wasn't fourteen, but I did get Chrissy pregnant and leave her. Colin knows our history. Maybe he was right to accuse me.
Heyes was scribblin' on his chalkboard. "Stay Bridgeport after?" he wrote.
"Yeah, we ain't changin' our plans."
"Tell Colin. He plans." Heyes was writing quickly, and I knew he was upset. Our stop in Bridgeport was important to him. So, it was important to me, too.
I looked around the cells, the sheriff's office, and jail. Three large, armed men arrived and are standin' at the open wooden door to the cells. It's the only door. There's no place to run. I felt Heyes tense next to me and I needed to control the desire to grab Heyes and run.
"Governor? We were told to report here." The man looked us over, but he was a lawman, a marshal, and not a prison guard.
The governor and Colin had been sittin' in the middle cell between us and Archer lookin' at maps of the area.
Colin looked up and I could tell he knew at least one of the men. "Hi Jim. Sheriff meet you on the road?"
"Yeah. Dick Ecler volunteered for your plan. He and the sheriff discussed the particulars. Sheriff should be back here soon. That the man we're guardin'?" He pointed at Archer.
"I've got him," growled Garber, who had been watchin' all the preparations with a sneer on his face. "You're guarding the convicts over there." He pointed at me and Heyes.
"Ex-convicts," the governor defended us quickly and I studied him for a moment. He had his own kind of sneer for Garber. "This is Jed Curry, the target of ex-warden Fitzjohn. And our bait."
"Jed, this is a friend of mine, Marshal Jim Janss, from Montana." The governor seemed really happy to see the man. "And one of the best lawmen I have ever met."
"Thank you, sir," he said to the governor as I stood up. Heyes pushed his back against the wall to get as far away from the men as he could.
I held out my hand. "Nice to meet you, Marshall."
He shook my hand hardily. "These men here are two of the best marshals in Wyoming. Ken and Karl Josephs. The sheriff gave us an overview. We're going to make sure you and your partner are safe, sir."
I think Garber was going to make a nasty comment, but the governor's gaze shut him up. Warden Kelly walked down to Garber. I couldn't hear anything past his initial words. "Do you want to keep your job at my prison, Mr. Garber?"
After the warden walked away, Garber didn't say another word the rest of the evening.
ASJ*****ASJ
Heyes hadn't said a word or tried to write anything since the marshals arrived. Just their confidence made their presence commandin'. I felt it, too, but refused to let it affect me. No man is my master anymore. I have to remember that Heyes is still on parole. He is still under the control of Warden Kelly until he gets his amnesty and pardon. I want him to feel this freedom.
Heyes and I moved to the sheriff's windowless office. Even though there was only one door to the room, I felt more comfortable here than in a cell, even an unlocked cell.
"Colin, I like your plan but..."
"Heyes' plan, Jed, not mine."
I looked over to where Heyes was readin' in the corner and saw him grin at the acknowledgement.
"Well, I like the plan, but you need to know that..."
Colin sat next to me at the table. "Jed, I'm sorry about the way I talked to you in the meeting. It was necessary. I always believed you were innocent."
I thought before I answered, rememberin' my history with Chrissy. She will always be the joy in my life and my actions with her are my biggest regret. I just nodded to Colin without answerin'.
"Colin, I'm tryin' to tell you me and Heyes are stayin' a night in Bridgeport. We got some business there before we return to the ranch."
"Got to be done tomorrow? Our backup plan if we don't catch Fitzjohn on the train was to get you two out of there quickly and see if anyone follows."
It's important."
"Then we'll work it into our plans. Want to tell me your business?" Colin asked.
I saw Heyes had stopped readin' and was listenin' to us. "No, but I can tell you where we'll be. We'll check our horses at the livery and spend our time at the hotel and the newspaper office."
"That's it?"
"Might go down to the diner and order some food to go. That's it."
"We can work with that."
Colin left Heyes and I alone in the office. The rest of the place was a beehive buzzin' with people makin' plans. Amid all that I felt safe where we were. One of the marshals ordered dinner delivered from the diner. Me and Heyes ate in the office. When we finished, I was tired. Overwhelmingly tired.
"Heyes, you mind if I sleep on that couch?"
He nodded and smiled. "Good." Then he looked around the room, pretendin' to carry a bag.
"Our bags are in that corner. Something you need?"
He pulled out the bags but opened mine. I didn't say anything, just let him dig through the bag. Wasn't much in there, he was wearin' my clean shirt for tomorrow. Findin' what he wanted, he held the salve for my back up to show me.
"Yeah, that would be good, partner. Thanks."
"Sleep. Got your back." Heyes wrote on his board.
With the salve takin' some of the pain from my back, sleep came quickly to me. Somewhere in the back of my consciousness, I felt a blanket laid over me. Feelin' safe with lawmen all around, and Heyes watchin' my back, I feel into a deep sleep for the first time in a long time.