Winter's Refuge

Chapter Forty-Eight

HEYES

Irving Price needs to return tomorrow by sundown and we should know the answer to our question. I tried to find the Kid so we can go over the map of Brown River that Lom made. The Kid was always my sounding board for plans; no, he was more than that. I had the inspiration for all our plans, but the Kid's practical input made them successful. I think about what happened to us in prison. The Kid always added the common sense to our plans; I had the dreams and the details. It was his common sense that grounded the plans and made the robberies successful. Without him in prison, I couldn't keep myself grounded for long.

The Kid seemed antsy, and Juan thought he must be worrying about Chrissy. She hasn't talked to anyone but Mrs. Birde, the Kid, and a few words to me since the incident in the blacksmith shop. It snowed last night, but still she went down to the shop this morning with me and the Kid. She took the Kid's arm when he offered it. She started to check in a horse to be shoed for the Widow Kirk. This is the first time Chrissy's been here since that day with Price. I watched from the back room but was ready to run out and help her. I know the Kid was watching, too.

The horse was nervous; feeling the heat from the forge, she wouldn't settle for the widow. Chrissy wouldn't look at the lady, but she talked to the horse in a soft voice as she rubbed her nose and calmed her. Walking around the mare, she lifted up each leg and examined the shoe. When she finished, instead of talking to the widow, she ran to the Kid and whispered to him, then joined me in the backroom. I had questions for her but held my hand over my mouth.

The Kid, with his charming smile, told the widow her horse needed three shoes. Then he bent closer to her ear and whispered something that made her smile.

I looked at Chrissy and she gave me a weak smile. "Widow trade jams and canned fruit for horseshoes," she explained. "We eat this winter."

The Kid led the horse to the side and secured her. With the colder weather, the blacksmith work slowed. That was the only horse for the day. Chrissy usually sat at the table and read a book but today she pushed a chair into the corner, pulled her feet up under her, and stared above the entrance to the smithy. She rocked gently from side to side in the silence of her own world.

I needed to tell the Kid. He was fake smiling and talking with a customer I didn't recognize. I was afraid he'd be mad if I interrupted but he needed to know about Chrissy. I looked around. I was thinking out loud again. "ABCDEFGHI," I chanted while I thought about what to do privately.

Decision made, I kept reciting the alphabet out loud but quietly while I walked over and tapped the Kid on the shoulder. He jumped and his hand went toward his gun. I forgot to keep saying the letters and my thoughts started to come out.

"Don't shoot! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Don't be mad. Oh, please don't be mad. I need to talk to you, Kid. It's important. Is that your mad face? Don't hit me." The Kid tried to slap his hand over my mouth. I batted it away and he looked at me as I said, "He's frustrated with me, maybe not angry. But he needs to know."

"Heyes, do your alphabet or whatever and talk to me. I'm not mad at you, not even frustrated. What's so important?" He said patiently.

"ABCDEFGHIJKL," I said aloud while I studied him to see if he meant what he said. Very quickly, I removed my hand, closed my eyes, and said "Chrissy" and pointed to the back room. I took the bandana out of my pocket and held it to my face.

"Excuse me," the Kid said politely but curtly to the customer. "That'll be ready by tomorrow mornin'." Then, he rushed to the back room, stopping in the doorway. Chrissy was still in the chair, exactly as I had left her, rocking and looking at nothing.

"Chrissy darlin'?" the Kid talked to her. He sat on the cot next to her and waited.

I took the bandana down, but my thoughts spilled out. I was so worried about Chrissy I didn't even realize I was talking out loud. "I didn't want to disturb you, Kid, but I'm worried about her. How do I help her? You can help her. What's wrong with her? Is she inside her mind? It's safe there. I go there sometimes. I used to stay there a lot. What should I do? I didn't do anything to her."

"Heyes, shut your thoughts up!"

The Kid knelt in front of Chrissy and put a hand on each of her knees. "Chrissy, I won't let anyone hurt you," he said. "Would you look at me?"

He just knelt there patiently waiting until she looked at him. "Jed, Chrissy darling scared," she said, starting to cry. "Bad guard come here again."

"Let's go up to the house, darlin'." He helped her to her feet, and she hugged his side.

"Heyes, can you manage here? There is only one customer left. See what they want. I'll be back."

I didn't want to disappoint him. I watched them walk to the house and I saw the Kid make Chrissy smile. He knows what to say to her.

I'm scared to help in the blacksmith shop. I don't like meeting people, especially strangers. I'm scared of them. I can't get lost in my mind right now. Have to do this for the Kid. I keep the bandana in front of my mouth and take a deep breath. The one customer left is a very sturdy man inches taller than me. He has a knife in his hand, a big knife. I want to run, but then what would I tell the Kid? He needs time to help Chrissy. I go out to the front and hold my hand out to the man. He didn't shake it but pushed the knife toward me.

I'm scared. I take a quick step back and forget to hold my bandana to my mouth. "Wha…what does he want? "comes out. "ABCDEFGHIJ."

The customer stares at me for a moment. "Where's the blacksmith? Heard he can repair knives."

I whispered, "ABCDEFGH" so I could think without talking. That's why he has the knife. He wants the Kid to fix it.

"Busy," I managed to get out. "Name?"

"Harry."

I wrote it down on the Kid's log. I took the knife and ran my finger lightly over the chip in the blade.

"Want him to sharpen it, too," he demanded.

I wrote, "Fix blade and sharpen," next to 'Harry'. I didn't dare ask this man for his last name. He might use the knife on me even with the chipped blade.

"Tomorrow morning," I said. I almost said the alphabet again after it but managed to just say that in my mind. The man turned and stomped away. I looked around the smithy. The forge was still going full force. I opened the low cabinet where the Kid puts things he has to fix and laid the knife in front where he'd see it. When I stood up and turned around, the heat from the forge blew in my face, dried my eyes and made it hard to breathe. How does the Kid stay in here for hours at a time? The heat is unbearable. Sweat is pouring through my clothes in just a few minutes. Maybe he got used to it.

"It ain't something you ever get used to, Heyes." The Kid's voice sounded serious as he entered the forge. "Yeah, you were thinkin' out loud again. This shop is how I take good care of my family and the forge keeps me strong to protect them."

I didn't bother covering my mouth. My thoughts and what I was going to say were the same. "Kid, we can find something else to support ourselves. We got the ranch, the horses. This feels like the fires of hell in here."

I caught a faraway look in his eyes before he answered, "Gramma Curry used to say if we broke the ten commandments we'd end up in the fires of hell. We broke those commandments, Heyes, and weren't sorry about it."

I covered my mouth. I could tell he had more to say so I just nodded, remembering her swatting us with her broom and yelling at us. If I never see a broom again, it will be too soon.

The Kid kept talking. "When I was workin' the forge at the railroad camp in the middle of the desert, I decided Gramma Curry was right and I was already servin' my time in those perpetual hell fires. I deserved it. No reason to stop now. This forge ain't in the desert. It cools down at night and soon snow. Seems a step closer to heaven then where I was." He smiled a sad smile.

I decided he needed one of those bear hugs like he gives me sometimes. That decision must have been said out loud because he came over and lifted me up in his arms. I tried to hug him back, but his shoulders were so broad now I couldn't reach around. And I remembered I needed to tell him about the knife.

He put me down abruptly. "What knife?"

JED 'KID' CURRY

Chrissy joined us for supper, and we went for a short walk down to the stream afterwards. I watched her closely and waited for her to say somethin'. She walked a few steps in front of me picking up rocks or twigs if she thought they were pretty. It took a long time, but I was glad when she spoke.

She didn't turn to look at me, just started talkin' while walkin'. "Chrissy darling scared in blacksmith shop now. Bad guard come back."

I was goin' to reassure her that he wouldn't until I remembered he was comin' back. Well, he was comin' back to Three Birds, hopefully to Frank Birde's house and not here. I wasn't goin' to let him anywhere near Chrissy. He was never goin' to hurt her again if I had to kill him to stop him.

"No, I can't think that way," I scolded out loud to myself as Heyes does. I started to smile then realized Chrissy had stopped walkin' ahead of me and came back to slip her arm through mine.

"Jed think what way with Chrissy darlin?" she smiled as she reached up and kissed my cheek.

I realized what she thought I'd stopped myself from thinkin' about-us.

"Kiss?" she asked this time. And I obliged her.

ASJ*****ASJ

Tommy brought the telegram to the blacksmith shop that changed our comfortable routine one snowy mornin'. Me and Heyes was expectin' for Irving Price to return to Frank's house tonight with the answer to our question. He was due by sundown. But he better not show up here at the forge. Chrissy doesn't come and help me here in the mornin's now. After tellin' me she was scared, she stayed in the stable and worked with the horses, helpin' Juan and Ken. At first, Ken thought he was just to humor her about helpin' until he learned she knew more about horses and doctorin' them then he did. Still either Ken or Juan always was nearby to protect her if needed.

And me and Heyes were also waitin' for Frank's deputy, Ty Fanciello, to tell us where he had trailed Irving Price. I thought Tommy's telegram might be from the deputy.

Check in took longer without Chrissy helpin'. Heyes was really no help with that. He tolerates strangers less than Chrissy does and he can't keep his thoughts to himself.

With a sense of urgency, Tommy pushed by the three people waitin' for me to check them in.

"Mr. Curry, my pa said this was real important, so important that I can be late to school so I can deliver it to you. And I'm supposed to wait to see if there's a reply."

I could see Heyes glancin' over from the horse he was tryin' to check in to be shoed. Wary, he would only help people he recognized and hid in the back room when there were strangers.

I tipped Tommy and moved aside to read the telegram.

Jed Curry

Three Birds, NE

Time to talk to Chrissy. STOP Sister sick. STOP Bringing her and them to ranch in one week.

Lom

I reread the words and looked over at Heyes. He looked back curious. I wrote out a return telegram that just said, "Sorry about your sister. STOP Understood."

Lom's message stayed in my mind while I worked that mornin' as I tried to figure out the words to talk to Chrissy. I asked Heyes to help Juan after lunch so I could be alone to talk to Chrissy. Ken was goin' into Three Birds to send his weekly update telegram. I knocked on Chrissy's open door and waited until she looked at me.

"You come in."

"Thanks, Chrissy darlin'. I've got somethin' I want to talk to you about."

"More mares coming?" she asked.

"No. Too cold now; they're startin' to get their winter coats. And I leave the schedulin' to you. I just get it all messed up."

"Then, talk," she told me, tryin' to see the telegram I held in my hand.

"May I sit?"

She patted the bed next to her and smiled. "You sit." Joe jumped up on the bed between us and curled up, restin' his head on Chrissy's lap.

I dived right in. "Chrissy darlin', we have to talk about them."

I showed her the picture of the twins I had stolen from Winter's Refuge. She took it and studied it closely. "You know?"

"Yes, Lom told me before we rescued you in Colorado. I didn't think you were ready to take care of them. But they're the real reason I built the second story."

I'm not sure she heard me. She was touchin' their little faces in the picture. "Getting big."

"Yes, our babies."

She got a panicked look on her face. Holdin' the picture to her chest, she moved as far away from me as she could and still be sittin' on the bed. "No."

"No?"

"No!" She took a deep breath while starin' at the blank wall for a long time, a very long time. Tears dripped unchecked from her eyes making their green more intense. She hadn't needed to do this for a while now. Eventually, in a soft voice she whispered to the wall, "Maybe yours…maybe Heyes."

She refused to look at me. When Heyes first confessed to having laid with Chrissy, I was upset, angry, shocked, betrayed. But my focus then had been Heyes. He knew I was mad, and he lost his tentative grip on his speech. He'd asked why I was mad, and I told him we'd discuss when he got out. Dr. Arden asked me too. I wasn't sure if his interest was to help Heyes or curiosity. But that didn't matter. When the anger passed, with Lom's help I came to understand what happened and I forgave them. Heyes has never asked again. I'm not sure if he remembers or afraid he'll make me mad again. At first, I felt I needed Chrissy to confess to me. I outgrew that. I love her and I didn't care if she ever told me. The twins are mine—ours-and nothing will change that. Now I needed to find a way to ease her guilt. I wondered what to say. I'd made my peace with this months ago. These were my children, and no one could tell me otherwise.

"I know. It doesn't matter, Chrissy. They're ours, yours and mine. I love you and them."

"Chrissy sorry. Didn't mean…"

"I know you thought I was goin' to die that night. I almost did." I tried to think of the words Lom had used. "It was for comfort, not passion. I'm glad you two found each other."

"Chrissy bad, bad, bad." She started hittin' herself on her arm. She was usin' her name again when talkin'. And she hadn't corrected me to say Chrissy darlin'. None of this was good. I wish I'd have time to talk to Dr. Arden about this first. He could've given me some ideas of how to talk to her and what to expect.

I grabbed her hand before it could strike harder and moved from the bed to kneel in front of her. Joe watched me with interest' he didn't like Chrissy hittin' herself. Still, I couldn't force her to look at me. She avoided my face, now lookin' at the ceiling.

"Chrissy, dirty, dirty, bad girl."

'NO!" I yelled louder than I meant, but it got her attention. "I love you, Christina McWinters, and I love OUR children."

She looked at me. While I had her attention, I took out the picture Mr. Ortiz had brought me. It was a more current picture of our smilin' twins. "OUR babies," I told her.

Touchin' it gingerly, she looked to me as if for permission to see it. At least she looked at me.

"They look like you," I told her.

"Our babies?"

"Forever." My words held my determination and my love for our children.

Again, she traced them with her finger and more tears in her eyes. "Heyes?"

"He remembered once, but I think he's forgotten again. Doesn't matter, they will be raised as Currys. If he remembers, I'll talk to him. He'll understand." I didn't add that I knew how guilty Heyes felt about their encounter.

"Lom hide far away from Chrissy and newspapers."

I needed to break this to her gently. I wish I had more time to prepare.

"Lom's bringin' them here with his sister next week. She's sick."

I saw the joy in her face change to shame. "Chrissy bad, not married." There was panic in her tone. During trial newspapers wrote married.

I picked up her hand and kissed the worn wooden ring I had given her. "We can change that legally tomorrow. If you remember, you proposed, and I said yes. I love you." I was scared she'd say no. I was not the young man she had first met. Life had not been easy. My back told the story. I had my own strong demons now.

She went into herself to think about my solution. "Quietly."

"Whatever you want. I've considered us married since I gave you that ring. At that time, I told you no promises, but in my heart I committed to you forever from that time forward." I thought about the common law marriage in Colorado that Dr. Arden had mentioned but discarded the idea.

"Babies' parents married. No shame."

"Then quietly." I thought of all the stories Lom had told me about the newspapers guessin' if she was married to me or Heyes. I'll talk to Lom, maybe we can let them believe we were married all along?

"Just Heyes and Beverly, not Juan, not marshal."

I would do whatever made Chrissy happy. "And we have our weddin' clothes." I smiled. I took a chance and kissed her on the hair. I wanted so much more but didn't know if that was possible.

"Tomorrow! Good!" She stood up suddenly and I did the same. "After married, we move upstairs together, big room. Need catalog. Room for sister and room for babies, need curtains and beds and…".

I couldn't help it. I swept her up into my arms and held her tight. She went rigid for a moment, and I was afraid I had done something wrong. But she was just thinkin'. After a moment, she melted into my arms. As I had done the first time I kissed her outside of the leader's cabin in Devil's Hole, I put one finger under her chin and looked into her eyes. Seeing nothing to stop me, I kissed her gently on the lips and felt her respond. Then I studied her green eyes again and saw nothing but love and compassion. Kissin' her again, deeper with more passion, my heart jumped as she responded. I broke it apart before it went further.

I have things to do today. I needed to ride into town and talk to the priest and arrange the quiet ceremony. And talk to Frank and hope that I'd scared Irving Price enough to come back tonight with my answer. Then I need to get to the blacksmith shop and put the finishin' inscription on the ring I've been designin' for her.

Still in my arms, I asked her, "Okay with you if I tell Frank? He might be able to help keep the arrangements quiet."

She froze, then asked, "Frank?….Beverly's Frank?"

"Yes."

"Good. Frank come, too." Then fear crossed her face and tears filled her eyes again. "Chrissy bad ma," she said through her tears.

"Darlin', you're goin' to be the best of mothers. You're a lovin' and carin'..."

"Convict."

"Ex-convict," I corrected. She didn't know she was echoin' my fears of parenthood. "Pardoned with amnesty. I am, too."

She stood in front of me with a hand on each arm. I felt her rub the hidden bandage there. But she suddenly looked up at me. "Jed built the rooms for our babies?"

"Yes."

"Good. Jed and Chrissy darlin' teach them to love horses."