Hours ago, I'd watched the man I loved disappear from my life in a blur. The one person I couldn't risk losing… I had lost. Now I had Victoria pulling me into her arms, the iciness reminding me so much of Edward's. Edward's arms holding me tight, close to him, where I was undoubtedly safe because I trusted him above anyone else. Edward who had shown me how it felt to be in love.

But no, this was Victoria, not Edward. Victoria, who I'd been warned was highly dangerous by all of the Cullens. A nomad vampire who really had no reason to not kill me. Yet there she was, finding me collapsed in the forest as a puddle of grief, comforting me. Whispering in my ear that I'm not alone. Telling me things will be okay. Wiping away the fresh wave of tears.

"Let's get you home, Bella. You're freezing," she eventually said, gently lifting me up. "Your dad must be so worried about you."

Charlie. I'd forgotten. A twinge of guilt sparked in my belly, and I couldn't help letting out another few tears.

"It's okay. Let it all out."

Victoria carried me all the way through the woods, the smooth, cold, hardness of her arms providing a strange sort of comfort. At last, we broke through the trees, and then there was Charlie running towards me, stroking my face, taking me into his own arms. He started walking towards our house, and I turned my head to search for Victoria amongst the crowd of the search party that had built up.

She was there, giving me the briefest of smiles, then she ducked back and was gone.

But she couldn't go. I needed her. Victoria was my last link to vampires… To Edward. It was pathetic, I know, but I didn't think I could survive this without someone I could confide in completely. Someone who I could tell everything to.

Charlie brought my upstairs to my room and sat me on the bed. He unlaced my shoes and pulled off my coat, hanging it over the back of my chair.

"Get some sleep, kiddo," he said quietly. "I'll be here when you're ready to talk."

"Edward. Edward!" He was standing in our meadow, the sun causing thousands of tiny diamonds to sparkle on his skin. He brought a hand to my hair, delicately twisting a lock around his finger. Then he sighed and released it. He took a step backwards, then another.

"Where are you going?"

There was no response. Edward simply continued to walk backwards, further and further away from me until he was hidden in the woods. I couldn't move, couldn't force my legs forward to chase him.

"Edward!"

I gasped, my eyes snapping open. Just a stupid dream. But not really, because Edward was still gone and there was no one to hold me while I slept anymore. No one to wipe the tears and say they would always be there for me. No Edward.

Rolling over, I lifted the duvet to my face to dry my tears. I was still in my clothes from yesterday. Propping myself on one arm, I stared dully at the remnants of soil and a stray leaf that lay on my bed, but I couldn't find it in me to care. They were small issues, inconsequential really. Nothing, compared to losing Edward.

There was a quick knock on my door and I made a small noise in response. It opened slowly and Charlie hesitantly came in.

"Morning, Bells," he said, sitting beside me. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "Fine."

Charlie stared at me. "You can be honest with me." He paused. "I get it, you know, I'm not the best with feelings and emotions but… you're still my daughter. Bella, I love you, and I want to be here for you. You just have to let me in."

He put one awkward arm around my shoulders, and I fought to keep the tears at bay. But once again they spilled over, and I let myself fall against Charlie, crying, sobbing, as he rocked me and told me everything would be fine. That at some point, I'd be happy again. That it was okay to cry.

"The doctor told me the Cullens left town," Charlie said, once I'd calmed down enough to stop the flow of tears. "I assumed that was what this," he gestured at me, "was all about."

I nodded feebly. I opened my mouth to say something but no words came. There was nothing to say.

"I never liked that boy. But I know you do. Just remember I'm always here for you to talk to. Or if you just want to take your mind off things, I can find something for us to do together. I know watching baseball games and going fishing aren't really your thing but we can try something new." He trailed off, looking down at his lap. It was an awkward attempt at comfort, yes, but he was really trying. And that meant a lot.

"Thanks, Dad," I whispered, taking a steadying breath.

"That's okay, Bella." Then he frowned. "What were you doing in the woods anyway? Don't tell me he led you in there. You were missing for hours!"

"No, no, he didn't. He kept us on the trail. But I… I ran deeper in. It was my fault."

Charlie sighed. "Take today and tomorrow off," he said. "We'll see how you feel afterwards. Come on, you better get some food."

That night, I saw Victoria again.

I was laying in bed, willing myself to sleep without the comforting knowledge that Edward would be back in the morning. My mind was going haywire, thousands of thoughts swirling around, bumping into each other. I let out a small scream of frustration, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling.

It was a sharp tap on the window that brought me out of my thoughts. At first, fear crept through me. If not Edward, who was climbing up to my window? I got out of bed, pulling aside the curtains and peered outside. There, just below the window, was a mess of red, curly hair. As I opened the window and allowed Victoria inside, I couldn't help a small smile.

"Hi, Victoria," I said. "Um, thanks for bringing me back home yesterday, and…"

"It's no problem." She smiled at me. "I wanted to see how you were coping." She studied me for a second. "You know, it's okay to say you aren't doing well," she added quietly.

I shrugged. "I guess I'm not doing well then. It's just… it's so strange waking up and him not being there. No idea when I'll see him again. No idea if I'll ever see any of them again. And it hurts that he could throw away everything we had that easily." A couple tears slipped out and I didn't bother wiping them. "Though now I'm wondering how much of that was real. After all those things he said… the other distractions… did he really feel anything for me in the first place?"

Victoria pulled me close to her, letting me cry into her arm.

"My first real relationship," I whispered. "This is how it ends?"

"Shh, Bella, it will all work out." Victoria rocked me as she murmured into my ear. "Don't let this bring you down. You're worth so much, and you'll find someone who will treat you as more than a mere distraction."

Find someone…

Did I really want anyone? Someone who wasn't Edward. Could it ever be the same, or even anything close to what we'd had?

I almost laughed. What we had was presumably a lie. Yet I found myself craving it, longing for him to be back here, holding me, laughing with me, smiling that beautiful crooked smile.

"It'll take some time," Victoria was saying. "But you'll move on. Eventually, you will be able to think of Edward and feel indifferent."

I nodded, although I wasn't sure I completely believed her. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to let Edward go. Because what if he came back one day, telling me he loves me and wants me again? I grabbed that thought and clung to it. It was all I had, all I wanted. I needed it. And if I deluded myself into half-believing a world of fantasies and foolish hopes, then so be it.