On a hill, far away from town, there was a public cemetery for poor and homeless people.

We are currently trekking through said cemetery.

At night.

How did it get to this?

Well, after miraculously earning 1 million eris just from hunting cabbages, Chris approached me with the masochist crusader hot on her heels.

What did Chris want from me?

A favor.

You see…

She taught me all of her thief skills and gave me pointers on adventurer stuff that only she knows for free.

I was of course skeptical of her. I didn't for a second get caught in her beauty and kindness and considered her a waifu, nope, not for a second (I did).

And now she wanted to add the masochist crusader who goes by Darkness into our team.

Darkness… Oh boy is she a mess.

The whole time this was going on, she kept looking at me with that look. I have not once in my life felt so violated by a single look.

She was a hardcore pervert and a masochist to top it off.

But that wasn't the problem.

After seeing her tank those cabbages, I had dug into her file by asking around the guild.

I was confused why a crusader, masochist or not, didn't join any party.

Answer wasn't even the fact that she can't hit anything.

It was her constantly spewing her perverted bullshit!

Story always went like this…

She joins a party.

The leader tries to correct something.

She takes it the wrong way and gets turned on.

Spews her bullshit in front of people, making their leader look like scum.

Hell! Mark was still being called a pedo because she saw him give a kid some candies.

He did not want to deal with that, he was already called a lot of names in his last life and he didn't have the energy to deal with that again.

So when I saw her talking like long lost sisters with Megumin and Aqua…

I did the only sensible thing.

I dragged Megumin aside and filled her in on the whole thing.

She of course accepted to watch my back at the cost that I accompany her for her daily explosions.

To which I reluctantly nodded.

Now with Darkness added to our team, we decided to deal with the problem which has been bothering me for a long time.

3 hours to be exact.

Aqua.

Or as I should say…

Aqua was still stuck at lvl 1, when somehow I climbed to lvl 7 by just hunting cabbages and toads.

So we decided to take a quest that will help her lvl up.

That brings us to the graveyard.

Our quest this time was defeating the undead monsters that were emerging from the cemetery.

There was also a scouting mission attached to it to find out why it was happening.

It was almost evening.

We set up a tent near the cemetery and waited for night to fall.

We set up a hot plate some distance away from the cemetery, barbecuing as we waited for dusk.

Perfect place for a picnic if you forget about the cemetery and the zombies that are moving through it.

We spent the time leisurely, even though it was a hunting quest, because the target was a small fry known as a zombie maker.

It was an evil spirit that controlled zombies, possessing high-quality corpses while manipulating several zombies as minions.

This monster could be defeated by a novice party, so we took on this quest.

So even though Darkness didn't have her armor, it wasn't too dangerous for her.

And if you ask me, I think she preferred it that way.

After finishing our meal, I poured coffee powder into a mug, added water with Create Water, and used the Tinder spell to heat the mug.

This was basic magic taught to me by a mage I met during the cabbage hunt.

As its name suggests, Tinder was a spell to light a fire and posed no offensive threat.

But to me, it was an important spell that could replace a lighter.

Megumin looked at me with a complicated expression and held out her cup.

"... Excuse me, could you please give me some water? I feel that Kazuma's more proficient than me in using magic. No one uses basic spells, but you make it look convenient."

I cast Create Water into Megumin's cup.

Again, this world is showing me why average intelligence is so low here.

Like, with just 5 skill points, I was the motherfucking Avatar (he forgets that not everybody has skill points lying around or an axe from the literal god of war).

I even did the whole

Water (Create Water)

Earth (Create Earth)

Fire (Tinder)

Air (Wind Breath) thing

"Is that so? Isn't this just the normal way to use basic magic? Oh wait, Create Earth!... Hey, what's this spell used for?" I showed Megumin the dusty earth on my palm.

There were all sorts of basic elemental spells, but I wasn't sure how to utilize this earth elemental magic.

"Well, the crops grown from magically created earth are high in quality… that's it." After listening to Megumin's explanation, Aqua beside me burst into laughter.

"What, Kazuma wants to plow the land? Are you changing jobs to a farmer? You could use Create Water for the plants too! This job's a great fit for you, puhehe!"

I faced Aqua with my right palm and raised my left hand.

"Wind Breath!"

"Puhe, ahhh! Ah-! My eyes!"

A gust of wind blew the dust onto Aqua's face; the goddess rolled on the ground after the sand got into her eyes.

"... I got it, so that's how you use this spell."

"No! Normal people don't use it that way! And how are you using basic magic better than a mage?!"

Once night started to fall, we gathered all the supplies.

And I, ever the gentleman, carried all our supplies willingly (he didn't do it willingly).

But it was not that big of a burden to me because I had come to realize something.

I was getting stronger with each lvl.

Since adventurers gain 1 stat in each category per level until lvl 5, and then 2 per level until lvl 10, and so on and so forth.

And throw in the whole times 3 thing due to the axe.

Well…

My puny base 10 stats + 5 + 4 x 3.

Gave me 57 in strength, vitality, magic, agility and speed.

And I'm lvl 7.

And that's not even counting the 11 skill points I had just lying around after learning basic magic, or the fact that I can summon the axe to me.

Yeah, my axe is OP.

I used 3 points to learn one handed weapons skill and upgraded it twice with the 8 remaining points, which made me a slightly better than average swordsman or axeman or whatever.

Why didn't I just learn intermediate magic for 10 skill points you ask?

Well, even after all this, my magic was just 57.

Whereas Megumin had 610 as she had leveled up during the cabbage hunt.

That was another thing.

Different jobs increased stats differently.

Crusader gained 10 in strength with just 1 in others, with the gain in strength increased by 5 and 1 in others after each 5 levels.

Arch-mages did that but with magic getting more buffed rather than strength.

Archpriest had the same thing as Arch-mages, other than the fact that they didn't gain anything in Intelligence.

Which meant Aqua was going to always stay dumb.

"... It's getting cold. Hey Kazuma, our quest's to take down the zombie maker right? I have a feeling it won't be a small fry, but a big shot undead." Aqua commented suddenly, not paying attention to the look I shot her like she didn't just raise some major flags.

"... Hey, don't say such ominous things. What if you really jinx the quest? Our quest for the day is to defeat one zombie maker and return the zombies to dust. We can then go back to the stables and sleep. We'll all go back immediately if anything out of the ordinary happens. Understood?" Everyone nodded and agreed with me.

It was about time.

We walked toward the cemetery with me in the lead, since I have Enemy Detection.

Aqua's words made me worry. But this goddess always says unpleasant things, so it shouldn't be a big deal.

… If something happens, we can always leave her behind.

… Maybe that will finally make her start acting like a goddess.

"I feel a strong presence. Enemies ahead. 2, 4, …8… Strange, there are way too many."

I heard there should be just 2 or 3 zombie minions around a zombie maker.

As I was thinking that, blue and white lights suddenly shone from the middle of the cemetery.

I told my party to duck down so we won't get spotted. We watched as a figure in black robes chanted something from the edge of the giant magic circle.

"... Hmm? I think… That isn't a zombie maker…" Megumin said, unconfidently dropping her chuuni act in the process.

Hmm, yeah, that speaks for itself how serious whatever this is.

Several shadows fluttered around the robed figure giving the scene a very ominous feeling.

"Are we going in? Even if that isn't a zombie maker, anyone staying in the cemetery at this hour's probably an undead. If that's the case, then it wouldn't be a problem with Archpriest Aqua around." Darkness took out her sword and appeared anxious to move on.

You just want to get attacked by undead don't you.

I saw Megumin trembling slightly so I put my hand on her shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

She got spooked at first, and then relaxed and gave me a small smile in thanks.

I didn't know what happened, but this moment was suddenly broken by Aqua shouting something as she charged at the robed figure.

"Hey Aqua, wait up!"

Aqua ignored my call and rushed toward the figure, pointing at it with her finger.

"How dare you show up here, you lich! I'll take care of you!"

Lich.

On par with vampires, they were top-tier undead, immortal beings known as the 'overlord of death'.

In simpler words, Aqua just charged into a boss fight when she just got dunked on by starter level enemies just earlier this week.

"Stop, stop-! Who are you? Where'd you come from and why are you destroying my magic circle? Stop! Please stop!" The figure in a robe pleaded in a voice that was way too soft for an evil boss.

"You're too noisy, shut up you undead! You must be thinking of using this suspicious magic circle for devious means! I'll stomp it! Stomp!"

… Did Aqua seriously just complain about someone else being noisy? She is louder than a jet engine.

And why is she charging a boss enemy? She really wants to go back to heaven.

Even though I hate her guts, I still raised my axe to throw it at the lich as it moved towards Aqua.

Only for the powerful monster to grab onto Aqua's waist in tears, attempting to stop her from stepping on the magic circle.

Ahhh… am I missing something here?

The minions beside the lich didn't move in to stop the two of them wrestling with each other and just blankly stood there, watching them.

I can't blame them, we were watching too, hell, I even saw Darkness sheath her sword like the fight was over.

In any case, she didn't seem to be a zombie maker.

Aqua claimed that the person she was entangled with was a lich, but the way I saw it, she was just a pitiful passerby being picked on by a hooligan.

The hooligan being Aqua.

"Stop-! Please stop-! This magic circle's used to send the wandering spirits to heaven! Look! The spirits are floating from the magic circle toward the sky, right?" Just as the lich said that, lots of wisp-like, bluish-white objects that came out of nowhere, were drifting into the magic circle and were rising up into the sky along with the light of the magic circle.

Is it just me, or does anybody else think that we are in the wrong here…

"You're acting too arrogant for a lich! An Archpriest like me will perform such benevolent acts, so scram! You're taking too much time, watch me purify the whole cemetery along with you!"

"Eh? Wait, stop!"

The lich started to panic when she heard Aqua's words.

But Aqua ignored her, opened her arms and shouted, "Turn Undead!"

A white light encompassed the entire cemetery with Aqua in the middle.

The light seemed to be gushing out from Aqua's body, and caused the zombies around the lich to vanish upon contact.

It was the same with the spirits gathering at the magic circle made by the lich, they disappeared when Aqua's light reached them.

It was a peaceful experience.

If not for the cries of the lich shouting about her body disappearing. "Hya-! My, my body's fading! Stop, my body's disappearing! I'll be purified!"

I don't know what to do, she is a lich, but this could all be an act…

"Ha, foolish lich! Your existence goes against the law of nature, an undead which defies the will of the gods! Disappear, be vanquished by my power!" Aqua kept going on while the lich slowly disappeared while pleading for mercy.

"Hey, stop it!" I finally said, as I couldn't justify this any longer.

Aqua ignored me again, so I moved behind her and knocked the back of her head with the handle of my axe.

"...! That hurts! Why'd you hit me!?"

Her focus was broken when the back of her head was hit, and she stopped emitting light. She rubbed her head and scolded me with teary eyes.

"Because you were ignoring me, did you not hear a single word she said, or are you just way too hell-bent on killing anything that you perceive as a slight against you?" I asked her, and I didn't hide my annoyance one bit.

Darkness and Megumin just watched as this all transpired, and I think I even saw Megumin eating some popcorn as if she was watching some drama unfold… nah, must be my imagination.

I ignored Aqua and spoke to the lich, who was crying while curled up in a ball, the poor thing. "Hey, are you okay? Um… May I address you as 'Lich'?"

The lich stood up unsteadily with teary eyes. "I-I-I'm fine… Thank you for saving me from that crisis…! Um, you're right, I'm a lich. My name's Wiz."

After that, she took off the hood she was wearing. Under the moonlight, she seemed to be a beautiful, brown haired woman around twenty years of age.

Hey, I did save her, so can she reward-NO bad Kazuma, this is not the time… maybe after Aqua is gone…

Nah… she is still technically a corpse.

"What are you doing in this cemetery Wiz? You said you wanted to send the spirits to heaven… Now, I don't want to agree with Aqua, but that shouldn't be what a lich like you is doing, right?" I asked her as I held Aqua back from casting another Turn Undead.

"What are you doing, Kazuma!? Be careful or you'll get contaminated and turn into an undead! Let me cast Turn Undead on her!" Aqua was very agitated after hearing what I said.

Wiz hid behind me with a troubled and terrified expression.

"B-Because, as you can see… I'm a lich, the overlord of the undead. As the overlord, I can hear the voices of the spirits wandering in the world. Most of the spirits in this public cemetery didn't have money so they didn't get a proper burial, so they couldn't move on to the afterlife, and haunted the cemetery every night. Since I'm the overlord, I'd visit periodically and send the children on their way."

… Are we sure she is a lich?... Like, where is the whole evilness, she is doing things more worthy of a goddess than Aqua would have done in years.

"I think that's a wonderful thing, but… Although I'm not Aqua, wouldn't it be better to leave this to the priest in this town?"

Wiz was hesitant to speak as she peeked at the unhappy Aqua, finally saying "B-Because… the priests in this town are materialistic… Eh, no. I mean… those without money would be pushed down on their waiting list… or something like that…"

Aqua, would you like to comment on that…

"You mean, the priests in this town are people who worship money? The public cemetery which is full of poor people is basically ignored by them, right?"

"Y-Yeah, pretty much…"

Everyone gazed at Aqua silently while she averted her eyes from everyone.

"Since that's the case, then it can't be helped. But could you stop animating the zombies? We're here because of a quest to defeat a zombie maker."

Wiz was troubled by what I said. "Ah, I see. But I didn't animate them, the corpses that are intact would rise automatically due to my magic every time I come. Um, I won't have any reason to visit if the spirits in the cemetery don't wander anymore and return to heaven… So, how should we resolve this?"

"I can't accept this!" Aqua was still fuming as we left the cemetery.

The sun was just starting to peek above the horizon, with the moon now going back into hiding.

"It couldn't be helped, she was such a nice person. You couldn't bear to kill her, right?" I at least hope so…

We decided to let that lich off. At the same time, we came to an agreement for the idle Aqua to purify the cemetery periodically.

I was willing to offer her a bottle of wine to persuade her if she said no, but she surprisingly said yes to it.

Maybe she was finally realizing her job as a goddess.

Or she just wanted to one-up the lich…

Yeah, that was probably right.

But even though she agreed to it, she still threw a tantrum because her sleeping time would be reduced.

Megumin and Darkness were hesitant about letting a monster off, but they agreed after learning that Wiz had never attacked a human before.

I looked at the paper Wiz gave to me and said, "But for a lich to live normally in town, the security's really lacking."

The piece of paper had Wiz's address on it.

That lich seemed to be living life as a normal human in our town, she even said she was running a small magic item shop.

"We were lucky things turned out so well in the end. Even with Aqua here, the opponent was still a lich. If we really had fought, Kazuma and I would definitely be dead." Megumin said nonchalantly.

Wow Megumin, way to go and ruin my mood.

"Don't say stuff like that! Also, I know liches are dangerous monsters, but if we had fought, would it have really been that bad?" I asked.

"It's much worse than that! Liches have a high magic defense, so nothing can harm her except enchanted weapons. She can trigger all sorts of abnormal statuses just by touching her enemies, and she can also drain their life and mana. She's a legendary immortal monster. What surprised me was that Aqua's Turn Undead had such a great effect on such a powerful being." That answer made me question my decision.

What kind of monster did we just spare?

She was willing to teach me the skills of a lich, so I took her card happily. But with this new information, I must remember to bring Aqua along.

"Kazuma, give me the name card. I want to set up a holy barrier around her home and make her cry."

"Could you please let her go."

On second thought, it'd be better not to take Aqua along…

As we were thinking about that, Darkness said quietly, "By the way, what about the quests?"

Ah…

Yeah…

I forgot why we came here in the first place.

We did purify the cemetery of any zombies, but we didn't take out the zombie maker because there wasn't one.

And we can't tell them about Wiz in our scouting report either so…

Quest failed.