"Emperor Zel."
"No, it should be named Farquaad, after the gallant Lord Farquaad."
"No, his name is Jarippa!"
A girl, a grown woman, and a goddess can be seen fighting each other as they sat in the living room of Kazuma's mansion.
I, however, was laying on the couch, feeding the baby dragon some milk from a bottle.
I had at first thought about giving him a name myself, but then those three started to fight each other like cats over it, so I decided against it.
"What kind of name is Jarippa?!"
"At least it's better than naming him after some dumb Lord!"
"His name is Emperor Zel!"
"Shut up Aqua." x2
I tried to tune out their banter and focused on the task at hand.
The chibi dragon looked uneasy after drinking the milk, so I started to rub his back.
It was surprising how similar he was to a human baby sometimes.
You may ask why it was me who was taking care of him.
Well, after hatching, the dragon decided that I was his momma, which was funny seeing as Megumin, a girl, was standing right beside me.
Megumin was still bummed about that.
The dragon burped out some lightning after getting rubbed on the back for a while.
"You good?" I asked, to which I got a raised paw and an appreciative growl in return.
Which I decided to take as a yes.
It was my first time having a pet-
Wait, did I say pet? I obviously meant familiar.
I remembered the last time in which I had called him as my pet infront of Megumin, and she had gone full Khaleesi on me.
Her eyes had shone like rubies as she told me, 'a dragon is not a pet'.
Chomusuke was sitting infront of me as she nomed on some cat snacks.
The cat and I had made a pact, she brings me panties and she gets cat snacks.
Too bad she only ever brought Megumin's.
For the last few days, Chomusuke had been eyeing the baby dragon up. She definitely felt like she was about to be replaced, but I don't think Megumin would ever replace her.
"Kazuma, Kazuma!" Megumin shouted at me.
"Yes, I'm Kazuma."
"Tell this Eroness that Jarippa is a good name!"
"Yes, Kazuma, as it is your familiar, do you prefer Farquaad or Jarippa?" Darkness said.
"Emperor Zel!" Aqua shouted like a kid in the background, but we all ignored her.
Ah, what a dilemma…
Do I simp for Megumin and accept that weird name or not?
To be a simp or not to be, that is the question.
You know what, I think if I simp for her then this whole phase of me having a crush on her may just last longer.
Yeah, I better not put more petrol on this fire.
I have to gather my resolve and decline-
"Jarippa is a cool name."
Ayo, that's definitely not what I wanted to say!
Even the dragon was looking at me unimpressed with a deadpan look.
"See!" Megumin said smugly to Darkness.
But seeing she was genuinely happy, I guess it was worth it.
Having settled the matter of naming the dragon, we left for the guild. When we got there, Luna called out to me.
"Ah, Kazuma, I have a quest just for you and your group," she said as I approached her.
"What is it?"
"Have you heard about the mysterious monsters that have been coming out of Keele's Dungeon?" Luna asked me.
"Yeah, I heard about that a while ago, do you want me to scout it out or something?" I asked.
"No, we already sent Dust and his group there and they all came back injured, and seeing as Mitsurugi isn't here right now, we thought you could maybe deal with them before they start attacking Axel."
Ah, it was good to know that I was still behind that guy…
"I really don't want to do it, I very recently got injured and it's cold outside-"
"It pays 10 million."
"Where do I sign?"
"... I see, it really is a mysterious monster."
When we reached the dungeon, we observed the monsters that kept spilling out from the entrance.
Simply put, they were masked dolls.
They were about the height of my knee and bipedal.
"What is that? I've never seen or heard of something like this before."
Megumin tilted her head and watched the dolls with interest.
"At a glance, they don't seem that strong in a fight," Darkness said.
"How should I put this? I feel a strong aversion to this doll. Just seeing it makes me angry," Aqua said.
It was unknown why the monsters were spawning, but seeing they were not normal, they were probably being summoned by someone.
And that's why Luna gave me a talisman imbued with powerful sealing magic, to stop the magic circle that is creating these monsters.
"Hey Kazuma, why don't we just blow up the entrance to the dungeon, then there would be no need to worry about them, 'cause they'd all be trapped in there," Megumin said as she started to chant.
"Megumin, wait!"
"But why?"
"There's a chance that they'll just break out of there, and Keele's Dungeon brings a lot of attention to Axel."
"Sorry, I didn't think about that."
Or course you didn't, you were just looking for an excuse to use explosion magic.
While we were talking, Aqua got prepared to throw rocks at the masked monsters.
She said that she was unable to accept that creature on a base level. So she really hated it that much.
The monster that bore no hostility towards us, suddenly charged at Aqua.
"Eh, wait! What…? What is this?... Oh?"
And then, the monster didn't attack Aqua, but hugged her knees tightly instead.
"What, does it want to cuddle? The mask makes me mad, but I think it looks cute when it cuddles like this… Hey, hey, Kazuma, I think this doll's getting warmer. I have an ominous feeling!"
With the sound of an explosion, the doll that was hugging Aqua tightly, had disappeared without a trace.
What was left was a burnt Aqua, who was lying face down on the ground with her clothes all torn up from the explosion.
"Hey, attack me next! Attack me!" Seeing Aqua like that, Darkness said that to the weird monsters, who sweat dropped at her.
We decided that I would go in alone, while the others would wait for me outside the dungeon.
Darkness would protect Megumin and Aqua from the monsters that might appear.
Megumin and Aqua were to be on standby to use spells. If I encountered some big monster that can see through my lurk, then I would just run outside for them to deal with it.
I reached my destination in the deepest part of the dungeon a bit too easily with my lurk skill, which was near the lich's room.
"Ah, moi has been waiting for thou, moi hopes thou fancies tea."
Before me was a figure sitting cross-legged on a chair in the lich's room.
He was wearing a suit that didn't match the dungeon at all, and his hands were covered in white gloves. The mask he was wearing had a similar design to the dolls that attacked us.
There was a tea set setup at the table next to him with an empty chair.
He motioned for me to sit, and seeing as I wasn't feeling anything on my danger sense, I took the empty chair.
"How much sugar do you take?" the masked man asked me as he poured in some tea for me.
"Just two tablespoons," he put the amount and handed me my cup.
I smelled the tea and found that it was indeed tea, and not something else.
Was he the one who had been summoning those monsters?
"Thou art correct, moi art the source and the origin of all evil! Moi art a General of the Demon King's army-"
I spat out my tea.
"-the Duke of Hell that commands the devils! The Arch Devil that can see through anything in the world! I, am Vanir, and moi hath come here with a deal for thou."
"Hey Darkness, it's been a while since Kazuma went inside, should we go check up on him?" Megumin asked Darkness with worry clear in her voice.
"Don't worry, that NEET is fine, he's just taking his sweet time dealing with them," Aqua commented as she eyed the mysterious monsters that were roaming around.
"I'll go check if he needs our help," Darkness said as she went into the dungeon.
"And I was like 'bitch please, you don't know anything."
"Thou don't say."
Somehow Vanir and I had gone from discussing about the deal to straight up bro talk.
His deal was simple.
He could see into the future and had seen that when I met him, I would free him from his pact with the Demon King.
He was a little iffy on the details, but had assured me that no harm would come to any humans and that he doesn't harm humans.
"So what's with that speech of yours?" I asked him.
"Oh, it had stuck with moi since the first person moi took shape of. He used to speak like this so moi also got stuck with this weird speech."
I was about to ask him about the future and if Megumin and I had any chance when Darkness barged into the room saying, "Stop right there criminal scum!"
She was quite perplexed seeing me sipping tea like it was nothing.
Well if someone told me I would be having tea with a devil, then I would also be making the face that Darkness was making.
"Well boy, my ride has arrived. Although I already know how this is going to end, I still wanna test if I can make a goddess bleed," Vanir said as Darkness slashed at Vanir.
It cleaved across Vanir's body.
Vanir's left hand flew into the air, his torso suffered critical damage and he kneeled onto the ground.
"To think that… curses, moi is too careless…! To think that a talent like you was hiding in a beginner town…! Ugh… Is this how it'll end for moi…?"
After his speech, Vanir's body crumpled into dust, along with his tuxedo, leaving only the mask behind.
Wait, did Darkness just kill him?!
"Ah my boy, thou shouldn't worry, moi is still alive." A voice came from behind in response to my thoughts.
The sound originated from the mask that had fallen onto the ground.
The mask absorbed the earth from the dungeon, forming slowly into a body.
"Now crusader with a tenacious body, lend thou body to moi!"
Vanir shouted as he threw his mask at Darkness.
Outside, everything was calm.
The sun was shining on a cold winter afternoon, and the birds were singing their melodies.
And Aqua was casting Sacred Exorcism on any doll she could get her hands on while Megumin just watched.
"Wait, did you hear that?" Megumin asked, getting Aqua's attention.
"Yeah, I think I heard Kazuma screaming something."
"What?"
"Wait, something big is coming out of the dungeon!"
"Aqua-sama! Help!" Kazuma came running out of the dungeon with a possessed Darkness on his heels.
"Sacred Exorcism!"
A white light was shone and the possessed Darkness was engulfed in white flames.
"Ahh, that's the stuff. Hey Aqua, hit me again!" Darkness said while moaning, even though she was possessed.
Darkness was on her knees, and even though she was covered in flames just a few moments ago, her body didn't have a scratch on it.
"Kazuma, why is Darkness reeking of devil stench?" Aqua asked me.
"Umm, she may or may not have gotten herself possessed."
"And what is that talisman doing attached to her head?" Megumin asked calmly.
"Yeah, that was my bad."
"Fuhahaha! Fuhahaha! All right… Prepare yourself, moi rival! To think I can destroy thou in such a place."
"Kazuma, I'll support you from behind! Use my buffing spells and destroy that devil like a hero!"
Excuse me Aqua, this is your fight, not mine.
"Boy, let moi show this useless goddess-"
We heard Megumin start chanting her explosion spell behind us.
"Well, moi thought moi would have more time. Well boy, moi shall meet thou at Wiz's shop."
"Explosion!"
A loud explosion took place a short distance from the dungeon, engulfing both Darkness and Vanir.
Megumin and I knew that Darkness could survive the explosion as she had come close to a few of them and then came out without sustaining much damage, so we weren't that worried about her.
A day later we would meet Vanir at Wiz's shop, where he would explain that by 'dying' he got out of the pact he made with the Demon King.