Nine: The price of victory

Instead of taking her to the Dungeons, Snape had led her to McGonagall's office, who looked like she had been about to turn in. Ginny had been deposited on a chair in the corner as the two conversed in hushed tones, throwing the occasional odd look in her direction. She could make out fragments like 'should be expelled', 'a danger to herself and others' and 'clearly traumatised'. Snape was waving his finger a lot, McGonagall just shook her head each time. And Ginny just sat there, still in that beautiful dress though her hair was a mess by now, trying not to think about Nott covered in cuts and how upset Mum would be if she ended up getting kicked out during the second week of school. At least Fred and George would be proud.

Finally, the two seemed to have reached some sort of agreement. McGonagall rose from her chair and walked up to her, looking as severe as she'd ever seen her.

"That was a dark curse you used on Mister Nott, Miss Weasley."

"I know, Professor. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," she said, unable to meet the Professor's eyes. She could feel the disappointment. It was a lot worse than Snape's anger ever could have been.

"Where did you learn it?" Snape asked, leaning against the wall and looking bored. Ginny assumed that meant she probably wasn't going to be expelled.

"Rookwood. He used it against Hermione and somehow, it was the first spell I thought of when Nott was pushing me back."

"Rookwood," Snape repeated, looking almost impressed. "It's a miracle Mister Nott isn't a gibbering mess right now."

"I don't need to tell you how dangerous it is to use Death Eater spells?" McGonagall asked her.

"No, Professor."

"I'll escort you back to Gryffindor Tower. Can you check in on Mister Nott, Severus?"

Snape just nodded and glided out of the room, not sparing Ginny a single look. She already knew that Thursday's DADA class was going to be hell. If she'd still be around for it. Did McGonagall at least wish to spare her the shame of being expelled in front of Snape? Was she being escorted to Gryffindor Tower, only to pack up? She could already picture Mum's disappointed expression, Dad's sadness. Her brother's incomprehension. She'd been given a chance that had been denied Ron, and she'd squandered it.

Meanwhile, McGonagall said nothing. It made Ginny want to shake and demand McGonagall tell her what was going to happen. But that would hardly help her cause. And the night had gone so well at first.

Only when they were at Gryffindor Tower, McGonagall cleared her throat, the two of them coming to a halt in front of the Fat Lady.

"That's a beautiful dress, Miss Weasley," she said.

"Thank you, Professor," Ginny replied. Could it be that even McGonagall didn't know what to say? She looked almost as ill at ease as Ginny felt. She cleared her throat again.

"I know you're hurting, Miss Weasley. But that kind of magic is never a solution," she said.

"I know, I know, it was stupid. It's just, when Nott came for me, all I could think of… all I could think of was Dolohov."

"I suspected as much," McGonagall said and Ginny had the feeling that she saw her, really saw her, all the way to that core Astoria had spoken off. "I know you would never use that curse against a fellow student. So the only logical explanation was that the boundaries had begun to blur… It's no excuse," she added firmly. "But it does mean you will not be expelled. The exact nature of your punishment I will discuss with Professor Dumbledore on his return."

"Yes Professor. Thank you Professor," Ginny said, barely believing her luck. McGonagall gave her another warning glare that promised greater punishment if she ever did something like that again. Then her expression softened.

"You've suffered more than perhaps any student we've ever had here, Miss Weasley. Your first year was a trial in its own and now this… The burdens you carry are ones few would be able to carry, and none should," she said.

"I'm not sure I'm carrying them all that well, Professor," Ginny admitted, thinking of whispers, sleepless nights and vicious curses coming from her own lips.

"I'd beg to differ," McGonagall said, smiling weakly. "Just know that you don't have to carry them alone. We're here to help. Though with how we've failed you, I can't blame you for not seeking us out."

"You didn't fail me, Professor," Ginny protested and felt she meant it. Dumbledore, maybe. Snape, every day. But McGonagall? She was sure that if Umbridge hadn't sent her to St. Mungo's, she'd have torn the Department of Mysteries apart for them.

"Maybe," she said. "Let's both try to do better, shall we? And for what it's worth, you did well to fight off three opponents. I only wished you picked up Transfiguration as quickly as dark curses," she concluded before walking off, leaving Ginny in front of the portrait, alone except for her thoughts. As she stepped into the Tower, she knew it would take a long time before she could fall asleep.

The next morning, Ginny was exhausted and felt even worse. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw herself casting that curse again. Nott's expression of shock and then anguish. She had twisted and turned, trying to ignore the voice that told her it was no less than he deserved, than all of them deserved. They had taken her friends, hadn't they? Without regret. The worst part, she wasn't even sure if that particular voice was Tom's, or her own.

It was almost a relief to go to breakfast, the clamour and morning rush allowing her not to think, but just be pulled along with the flow. At least until a green and silver blur hurried towards her from the Slytherin table. Astoria. And she wasn't looking happy.

"What did you do to him? He looks like you put him through a paper shredder!" she shouted. Ginny blinked, taken aback by her hostility. She'd expected commiseration.

"I thought you were on my side," Ginny blurted out instinctively, even as she wondered how Astoria knew what a paper shredder was. Astoria's look just became harder.

"That doesn't mean I need to approve when you curse Nott into the Hospital Wing!"

"It was three on one!" Ginny protested, getting angry now. She knew that what she'd done was wrong, but she'd already been chewed out by Snape and McGonagall. And if she'd lost, she'd be the one in the Hospital Wing now. If she was lucky. But Astoria didn't care, it seemed. She just pushed on.

"And that means you can switch from stunners to curses? I thought you were better than them. Guess you aren't," she snarled, before storming off.

Ginny wanted to shout something at her retreating back, but the words wouldn't come. Was she no better than the Death Eaters? It had been one of their curses she'd used. Without hesitation.

"I'm sure Nott had it coming. Good work, Ginny," Colin said through a mouthful of sausage.

She just gave him a furious glare and then stormed off herself.

"What? What did I say wrong?" she heard Colin protest to the table at large.

"Just be quiet, Colin," Demelza snapped.

After Astoria's outburst, all of Hogwarts knew that Ginny Weasley had hexed Theodore Nott so badly he'd ended up in the Hospital Wing, or even St. Mungo's. On that, the rumours couldn't quite agree. Some applauded her, others just looked at her as if her scars were no longer the scariest thing about her. And the Slytherins, they just whispered, ranks closed once the first time that included Astoria.

Ginny had gone to the Room of Requirement in the hope of finding her friend there, but it had been just her. When she couldn't stand the oppressive silence anymore, the silent gramophone almost mocking her, she went to the Quidditch pitch and flew until she felt like she was about to fall off her broom from exhaustion.

Yet all the time, Astoria's words kept echoing in her mind. Surely she hadn't already lost her newest friend? Her newest best friend? She wanted to talk about it with Demelza, but she was too afraid that then she'd end up rejecting her too, that she'd look just as disappointed as McGonagall had.

So instead she just returned to her dorms and wrote a letter to home. Mum had made her promise to keep them informed, so she told them about the first week, about the Slug Club and the upcoming Quidditch try-outs, about Demelza and Colin and, though solely in passing, Astoria. What had happened with Nott, as well as her fallout with her friend, she saved for a separate letter to Percy. If anyone of her family would understand what it was like to be ashamed of what you'd done, it'd be him.

A/N: A short one, apologies. Eternal gratitude to my beta who was kind enough to proofread this chapter