In Peter's professional opinion, the world had gone to shit.
When Tony had snapped, bringing back half of all life and stopping Thanos, everyone thought that the world would go back to the way it was. But nothing ever works out so nicely, does it?
Tony died, leaving the Starks broken.
Natasha died, leaving the Avengers without the glue that held them together—and Clint without his best friend.
Steve left, leaving Bucky alone and the Avengers without a leader. Were the Avengers even a thing anymore?
Wanda was having a breakdown somewhere in Jersey, rightfully so after everything that happened to her.
Then there was the whole John Walker situation.
During all of this no one seemed to step up the same way Tony, Nat or Steve did. The Avengers had lost their leaders, and the world had lost its hope. People were rioting in the streets about the sudden discrimination caused by the return of the blipped. The world turning their back on the people who put everything on the line for the sake of unity.
It seemed that bringing everyone back wasn't the end all to fix the problem the snap had caused, though no one wanted to admit it. No one wanted to believe that everything still wasn't okay.
Peter had tried to stay happy throughout all of this. To stay the same friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, but all it seemed to do was offer a distraction to the trauma he wasn't ready to face.
If anything he felt… selfish, like he had no right to be so affected by the snap. Other people had lost everything, and yet he still had May, Ned, and even MJ. So why did everything hurt so much?
The first time he tried to put back on the suit and go on patrol again, his mind took over. Suddenly he was on Titan again, dying in Tony's arms.
I don't… I don't know what's happening. I don't know… I don't want to go. I don't want to go, sir. Please. Please, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I'm sorry.
Then he was on the final battle field, carrying the gauntlet across an unknown space to an unknown person, to fight a villain he didn't really understand. Screams filled his ears, calls for help from all directions, maybe even himself.
And then, he was watching Tony snap.
His body unable to move, stuck watching his father, no mentor give his life. And all he could do was stand and watch.
Coward
His breathing picked up, his hands shook and stray tears threatened to stream down his face as he tried to get a grip on his emotions. In the end, it took May 20 minutes to finally calm him down and convince him he wasn't on Titan, or the battlefield anymore.
He didn't go out as Spider-Man for weeks after.
When he finally did, the people of Queens seemed relieved. Peter supposed it brought them a sense of normality to see him swinging around the neighbourhood again. Then again, the people also knew nothing about what had happened with Thanos and the final battle. They probably didn't even know which Avengers were left. To be completely in the dark about the state of the world around them, it must be terrifying.
The world was a shit storm, and half the time it felt like Peter was right in the middle of it. He had almost no break in his life in the past year: Germany, Toomes, literally dying—only to be resurrected and continue fighting against the same person who had killed him 5 years prior. Winning that fight, only to lose yet another father figure in his life.
Peter needed a break.
When Mr. Harrington announced the school trip to Europe, Peter almost screamed with joy. He would finally get his well deserved break. Two weeks from now, Peter would be lounging in the beautiful cities of Italy and France. It would be the perfect holiday, Peter would make sure of it. All he had to do was follow the few rules he had written in his journal:
1) Don't die or fight any bad guys
2) tell MJ how I feel (don't wimp out)
3) let myself relax (don't bring Spider-Man gear)
4) I REPEAT. NO SPIDER-MAN
The plan was simple enough. Now all he had to do was get through the next two weeks and it would be smooth sailing. But of course, life was never smooth for the Parkers.
—
That night, like every night, nightmares plagued Peter's mind. All his fears mixed into one. Visions of Ben and Tony dying in his arms played on repeat. A mantra forever repeating of all the people he should have saved, building up to the terrifying memories he wished to forget.
The crushing weight of the building he was once trapped under seemed to sit on his chest once again. The dust filling his lungs, making it impossible to breathe.
Hello! Hello! Please. Hey, hey, please. I'm down here. I'm down here. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I can't move. I can't…
The night continued like that, Peter's fears and guilts mixing together to create a sleepless night. Voices joined together to convince him of his guilt and cowardice.
"You should have saved me, PETER!"
"You had your powers, you should have saved me!"
"I wanted you to be better!"
"You let me die Peter!"
"You let us down."
"You were meant to be the best of us!"
"You let me die!"
"You let us all die!"
"Why do you always let us die!"
With each word the volume grew—louder and louder—until all the words blended together. Until it was so loud he could hear no words at all. Then slowly, like a candle burning itself out, the words faded away.
Silence finally came over Peter's mind.
And the visions melted away.
And there was peace, if just for a moment, a second of perfect rest.
If only, Peter wished, he could go back and fix it all. Perhaps he could silence the voices if he turned back the hands of time, to reverse what had been done, what had been lost and save everyone.
Though he knew it could not be, Peter wished for a chance to change the path the world had taken. To save a doomed world from its own destruction.
"Would you do it?" a soft voice called out.
Peter's eyes shot open and traced his room for the origin of the voice. His body tensed, gripping his sheets as he found no one in his room. Peter wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. For one, no one had snuck into his room. On the other hand, hearing voices that weren't there wasn't a sign of good health.
Quietly, Peter got out of bed. He peaked out his bedroom door to see if anyone was there only to be met with the sight of May asleep on the couch, a book half open on her lap and the tv playing an old sit-com, quietly shining light onto her.
With a soft smile, Peter turned off the tv and put May's book on the coffee table. It was the second book in a crime series Peter had gotten her for her birthday a few weeks ago, he was glad she was enjoying them. Picking it up from the other couch, Peter put a fluffy purple blanket over her to keep her warm. Kissing her forehead, Peter turned off the light in the kitchen and went back to his room.
The voice must have come from the TV, Peter rationalised.
Settling into his bed once more, Peter closed his eyes and rolled onto his side to go back to sleep as silence returned to the apartment. But as soon as his eyes slipped closed, the voice returned.
"Would you? If given the chance to change everything. Would you?"
Yes, Peter wanted to scream, Yes I would change it all to save everyone. To fix everything. And yet he couldn't, because deep down he knew it wasn't that easy. Perhaps he could go back, and try to save everyone, but would it help? Would the world change, or were some things just set in stone?
Even if he could, was it his place to decide what would change and what would stay the same? He was just a kid, as much as Peter hated to admit it. Who was he to decide who deserved to be saved?
Was not trying better than trying and failing? Or was it better to fail despite trying?
Was there a right answer?
When Peter did not answer, the voice asked again.
"Would you try to fix everything if given the chance?"
No world could be worse than the one it had become.
Yes, Peter thought, I would.
It seemed forever before the voice spoke again.
"If I could promise you a chance to go back and change the predestined events of time, for a price, would you?"
Oh, of course. There was always a price. The price was always painful. It was the way of the world. And yet a hero must be prepared to sacrifice their own happiness for the happiness of the world, must they not?
Otherwise, what kind of hero were they?
"What price?" Peter asked.
"The life you know, the life you have. In exchange for that I will give you the chance to improve the life of others."
Wasn't that the choice Mr. Stark had made? To lose the life he had, the happiness he could have had, and give everyone else the life they deserved? What right did Peter have to do any less? He was supposed to be better.
With great power comes great responsibility, to do something when the chance is given. If he says no, what would Mr. Stark have thought of him? Or Ben?
When given the chance to help, how could he say no?
"Yes, I would. I would give up everything to save the world. Isn't that what a hero is supposed to do?"
"Is it?" The voice questioned. The words hung in the air, Peter's thoughts rang around his head only to be pulled back by the voice speaking again.
"Perhaps it is. Close your eyes, Peter. When you wake you will have the chance to change the world. Do not fail us. You will not get another chance."
Peter's eyes closed, his breathing slowed and his life as he knew it slipped away.
Goodbye, Thai night with May.
And building legos with Ned.
And talking with MJ.
Goodbye.
And before Peter could question what he had agreed to do, life had changed and he had fallen into a deep sleep. One he would not forget for many nights to come.
—
As Peter regained an awareness of his surroundings, the first thing he noticed was the harsh concrete he was lying on. A complete 180 from his soft bed in Queens. Then the sounds came; cars driving past, people walking with their families, restaurant doors opening, the sounds of life in progress flooded his ears.
After a few moments, Peter found the courage to open his eyes.
The light blinded him for a moment, his hands coming up to his face to shield them from the burning sun. But slowly, he opened his eyes fully and took in his surroundings.
Oh perfect, Peter thought, sarcastically as he realised where he was. Making a mental list, Peter knew 3 things.
He was not in his apartment.
He was in an alleyway in Manhattan.
It was not 2024 anymore.
How did he know this?
To his left stood Avengers Tower, complete with the signature 'A'. Something Tony Stark had sold years ago and no longer existed.
What had he signed up for?