Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir
I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss
Stirb nicht vor mir
The moment she stepped out of the transfer circle, Rozemyne formed Lessy and started speeding toward Ferdinand's room, without bothering to match the pace of Cornelius and Angelica, that had been waiting for her at the transfer room.
The goddesses had said Ferdinand was fine, he was no longer in danger of disappearing, but she had been so on edge ever since she had been called back to Alexandria that she needed to check his condition with her own eyes. The gods' definition of something being 'all right' was totally different from the human definition, after all.
Cutting corners and breaking all the speed limits -she was pretty sure that a few tapestries had fallen down, but it was irrelevant at the moment- she started braking with all her might as she entered the corridor leading to her fiancé's room, and it was only thanks to Lessy's seatbelt that she didn't flew straight ahead. A couple of meters before the door, she undid her beast and jumped down, ungracefully tumbling forward as she threw all her weight on the door, opening it with a bang.
"FERDINAND!"
"-rdinand's chamber. Eckhart, it's Cornelius. Rozemyne is coming full-speed to Lord Ferdinand's chamber." As she heard the Ordonnantz that Cornelius had sent Eckhart, she vaguely registered that she must have run like crazy to arrive at the same time as an Ordonnantz, but as before, it didn't matter.
"Milady..." Justus greeted her with a small smile, emerging from behind the bed canopy "Lord Ferdinand hasn't woken up ye-"
Ignoring whatever he wanted to say, Rozemyne quickly moved the fabric aside and dove for the bed, sitting beside her still sleeping fiancé. Her hands reached for his face, to make sure he was corporeal, not an afterimage. She caressed both his cheek with her thumbs, her desperateness showing in the roughness of her gesture, that stretched and deformed Ferdinand's facial expression.
"He's real..." she exhaled, relieved to know that he wasn't just an illusion, but he was breathing, he was alive, there in front of her.
"Ferdinand..." she whispered, easing the pressure of her hands on his face. "Wake up, Ferdinand..."
"Milady... I understand your concern, but maybe you should put some space between you and lord Ferdinand..." Justus said, observing his master sleeping in an half-sitting position -thanks to the extra pillows she had suggested to add- and the young woman whose body was all stretched toward the man, her face just a breath away from his. If he had to give a description, he'd say the scene was very intimate.
Actually, he had a fair idea of how much his master craved intimacy with his all-goddess, so he would be more than happy to leave the room and let them welcome the arrival of winter, but Rozemyne's aides were on their way, and they surely would find the idea outrageous -not that he could blame them, really.
"Later... I'll do it later, after he wakes up..." she said, without ever taking her eyes off Ferdinand. "Wake up..."
He started to stir, squeezing his eyes in response to her touch, then slowly opened them. As his eyes focused on hers, he gave her and unguarded smile that, no matter how small, she would later remember as the most dazzling thing she had ever seen.
"Ferdinand..." She whispered as if it was the most heart-felt prayer of her two lives. She moved closer, circling his shoulders with her arms and resting her upper body on his. Nuzzling his neck with her head, she slowly inhaled his scent. It felt familiar and welcoming, the place she could really call 'home'. "I'm so glad..."
Ferdinand instinctively wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes again to enjoy the feeling.
Justus left the canopy to give them some space, and heard Cornelius and Angelica reach the still open door, breathing heavily. They were promptly hushed by Eckhart. "Lord Ferdinand is resting." he mouthed. Cornelius looked around the room, looking for their sister, and when he didn't find her he mouthed "Where is Rozemyne?"
Feeling the discomfort of her armor pressing against him, Ferdinand muttered his complaints at her poor bed manners. "No armor in bed, Rozemyne..."
Cornelius' eyes went wide, but while Ferdinand's words could somehow be excused as he was just waking up, what actually started the panic was Rozemyne's reply.
"Sorry, I'll take it off." followed by the tell-tale sound of a magic stone-based armor being removed. A sound that Cornelius, Eckhart and Angelica were all too familiar with.
"Hmm..." Ferdinand made a sound of approval, pleased that he could now feel the soft curves of his all-goddess against his body. He caressed her hair, already anticipating a sweet morning lovemaking session, when his paradise was destroyed by a furious roar.
"ROZEMYNE!" Cornelius' fast paces could be heard through the canopy, but they were suddenly interrupted. "Eckhart, let me go! I have to protect sister's honor!"
Rozemyne flinched at the screams. Ever since her engagement to Ferdinand, her entourage had somehow tolerated small, quick touches, but even someone as impermeable to romantic knowledge and aristocratic sense of distance as her would understand that their position was far too compromising. Though, she couldn't let him go. Her heart was not healed yet.
"Calm down, Cornelius! Nothing is gonna happen!" Eckhart protested in an hard tone but without screaming, to avoid being heard outside.
Ferdinand was so displeased he was gritting his teeth. Of course nothing was gonna happen if their intimacy was so brutally interrupted.
"YOU HEARD THEM! HOW CAN YOU SAY NOTHING IS GONNA HAPPEN?! I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE ENGAGED OR THAT HE'S YOUR MASTER, I CAN'T LET HIM DISHONOR HER BEFORE THE STAR KNOT!"
Rozemyne shrank, stubbornly refusing to let go of Ferdinand.
Ferdinand's brain started to work at full capacity as it processed 'engaged', 'dishonor', 'before the star knot'.
Eckhart protested "Lord Ferdinand would never hurt or bring shame to Rozemyne!"
Ferdinand realized how big of a scandal he had initiated without even knowing.
Justus tried to pacify Cornelius. "Lord Ferdinand just woke up, I'm sure he didn't mean what he said."
Rozemyne shrank again, realizing that the commotion was all her fault.
Angelica stared at everyone going crazy with a big question mark above her head.
Ferdinand spoke in a chilly, evil voice. "Rozemyne, care to explain why I suddenly seem to be a depraved man who wants to desecrate his own fiancée?"
"Whaaa! I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!" Rozemyne cried desperately, her voice muffled by Ferdinand's neck.
"If you really are, stop clinging to me and clear up this misunderstanding!"
"I won't! I don't want! I will cling!"
"Rozemyne, we aren't married, you're being shameful!"
"STERRAT TIED OUR STRINGS! I will cling! I won't let go!"
The room fell into a deafening silence.
Ferdinand stopped breathing for a while.
Angelica tilted her head as a second question mark appeared over her head. 'Who the hell is Sterrat?'
.
.
The heavy silence was interrupted -many seconds later- by Ferdinand gulping for air.
A whirlpool of thoughts, feelings, sensations had gone through his mind -We're married / She's scared / Her body feels good / We're married / I need to protect her / We need privacy / We're married / We need clothes / We're married / Her hair smell good / We're married / Will winter come? / We were married by the go-
That's when his body remembered he needed to breath to survive. He needed to survive to know what the gods had done to Rozemyne. He needed to know it to determine what kind of long and painful death he was going to inflict to them.
"Rozemyne... did you say Sterrat?" The hand on her back squeezed her clothes, clawing against her flesh.
She nodded. "I'm sorry it was done without asking you. It was an emergency..." she sounded apologetic.
"Never mind that... Are you hurt? Did the gods do something? Were your memories sealed?" There was urgency in his voice, and he pulled on her arm to detach her and inspect her, but she wouldn't move.
"I'm not letting go!"
"Rozemyne..." he paused, feeling that for some reason he had to concede to her unreasonableness. He sighed. "It's fine, you don't have to let go. Just let me look at you."
"You won't push me away?"
"I won't."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
She slowly raised her head, loosening her arms but without releasing the hands holding on his shoulders, and searched for his eyes. He was already inspecting her as far as he could, touching her neck and her wrist, trying to figure changes on her magical power.
"I'm fine, Dregarnuhr was not trying to steal my body like Mestionora..."
"Well, forgive me for doubting the words of those who already endangered you."
"You were the one in danger this time. The goddess wanted to save you, actually."
He stopped fretting over her, trying to figure what to make of her words. "That's why you won't let me go?"
She lowered her eyes, nodding. "I was really scared you would disappear."
He vaguely started to recall what was happening before she was called back to Alexandria. His memory was foggy, even then he wasn't completely aware of what was happening to him, but he recalled the scared faces of his aides.
A cough from outside the canopy reminded them that the others were still there.
"Lord Ferdinand, forgive me, but would you want to get dressed so Aub can explain what happened to everyone?" Justus asked. Cornelius nodded, approving the suggestion, oblivious to the fact that the older man was just prompting his lord to order everyone out.
Ferdinand looked at her, who just shook her head. That was the easy part, he already knew what her answer would be. What was a bit trickier was give the order to clear the room without inviting doubts about his morality. Unexpectedly, Rozemyne spoke before he could, despite her seemingly weak mental state.
"I will explain tomorrow when we go back to the house of Lords, and Ferdinand will explain to those who stay here. But there are things that I can only discuss with Ferdinand, so please clear the room. Justus, bring dinner for the two of us later. Angelica, you can come pick me up after dinner. You're all dismissed until then."
Cornelius protested, albeit this time there was only concern in his voice. "Rozemyne, you might have been married by Sterrat himself, but you're not even an adult yet, please consider what everyone will think of you."
"Cornelius, I have much more important things to take care of than worrying about what people will think. Just keep it a secret and nobody will think anything. Don't worry, Ferdinand and I are like family, winter will not come."
Justus and Eckhart exchanged a brief glance, feeling sympathetic to their master. Cornelius, too, had a troubled expression. After a short while, he sighed. "Fine, I'll do as you wish. With your permission." That said, he and all the other left the room.
After the door was closed, Ferdinand sighed as well. "It's kind of harsh when you say it like that..."
"Uh?" She raised her head to look at him, wondering what he meant.
"Never mind. Tell me what happened, why you are so distressed..." he spoke softly and started caressing her hair, partly to calm her, partly because he loved doing it.
She nodded, enjoying it as he petted her like a cat. "It happened a few days ago. I'm not sure how many, I think it was around twelve for me, but I don't know if the same time passed here. I was called back to Alexandria while I was at the house of Lords, because you were... disappearing. It wasn't like you were dying, it looked like you were peacefully sleeping, but... it was as if you were becoming transparent. You body, your magic, your scent... everything was fading away..." He felt her hand tightly grip his shoulder. "We didn't know what to do, I couldn't find anything even in the book of Mestionora... it was awful, I thought I would lose my mind..."
"Then what happened?" he asked, to distract her from the unpleasant memory.
"I received a call from Central. Hannelore -you know, the Dunkelferger lord candidate..."
"I remember her."
"She received the Goddess of time while she was at Azumaya. Seems the goddess was looking for me, but couldn't contact me because of your amulets and because I had returned to Alexandria."
She squirmed a little to ease her legs. She had thrown herself at his neck the moment he had opened his eyes and then stubbornly refused to move, but as she was initially sitting on the edge of the bed, her body was now bent in a V-shape with the upper part turned further away to cling to him.
"Are you uncomfortable?"
"A little... let me reposition."
The hand on his shoulder slid down on the pillow, and she used that arm to prop herself up. She raised her hips until the weight rested on her knees, then turned her body and moved her feet from past the edge of the bed to close to his.
For a brief moment, he felt he was totally at her mercy. Her hands were on both sides of his head, her face was mere centimeters above his, her body -covered in nothing but the light clothes she had been wearing beneath her armor- was slowly descending over his. Her eyes were looking back at his without straying. Her presence was so erotic that he actually forgot what they were talking about. Unthinkingly, his hand reached out for her hips.
As she turned around, Rozemyne found herself staring at his eyes. He was safe, was real... and was giving her a look of total adoration, as if he was witnessing an actual goddess descent. Really... he should stop grimacing all the time, because when light was allowed to illuminate his eyes, one could easily get lost in them. No woman would be able to resist.
When she felt his hand touch her hip, that sublimated moment of beauty precipitated in a more mundane setting of physical contact and carnal desire. She felt her face grow hot, and in a rushed movement that lacked any grace whatsoever, she pushed her body down and lowered her face on his chest, hiding it from his eyes.
Her weight, her warmth, her softness, assaulted him like a crushing wave, and he silently sent a prayer to the whole Yurgenschmidt pantheon for the comforter that was separating him and his all-goddess. He quickly moved his hand away from her hip. He thought about apologizing, but was not confident enough to address the issue, and decided to let it die.
The sudden loss of contact made it painfully clear to her that they were, indeed, in a compromising position. It was clear that it had an effect on him, but she had no idea how to react to that, and sought comfort in the familiar warmth of his chest. How did he manage to do that, making her feel so unsettled and so safe at the same time? "...do I have [Stockholm syndrome] now?" she mumbled.
He cleared his throat. "What is that?"
"So-something... from my dreams..." there was an awkward silence for a while, and neither of them bothered to point out that her hands were no longer on his shoulders, but in front of her face to minimize contact.
"Uh... then... the goddess... what happened with the goddess?" despite his almost proverbial memory, Ferdinand had to make a big effort to remember where the story was interrupted. Or that there was a story at all.
"The go- Yeah, the goddess! I was called by Dregarnuhr!" Rozemyne seemed to regain her memory as well, and hurriedly continued the story to distract herself from his overwhelming presence. "Ventuhite was lamenting that a thread of the fabric she had woven had been cut, but she couldn't simply pull that particular thread out, or else she would have had to undo and weave anew the last twenty years of history of Yurgenschmidt. But she liked the work she had done, so instead of redoing everything, she wanted to repair the thread. But to do it, she needed someone with a thread of the same color, so..." She paused in embarrassment, remembering that Sterrat had decided to tie the threads without Ferdinand's consent because, he said, 'if he has dyed her so much it's safe to assume he wants to marry her'.
"...so you were called because you ... your thread has the same colors as mine..."
"Because of the medicine I drank!" She quickly articulated.
"...because of the medicine." '...sadly...' He was starting to feel restless. Her close proximity and the not-so-subtle innuendos about their thread's colors were unleashing a dangerous beast that he had somehow been able to keep confined until then. He had to finish this talk quickly.
"Wha-" his voice came high-pitched. He cleared his throat and continued. "What were you asked to do?"
Rozemyne debated for a moment what to tell him. He'd surely get mad if she told him she was asked to repair his thread at the cost of her own, so she'd rather not tell, but there was another matter she needed to address that was related to that. For now, she decided to stick to the easy part.
"Long story short, they sent me to the past to prevent your death." She remembered the long list of situations that she had to rectify in the past few days and added the rest speaking softly. "I couldn't believe you've been on death's door so many times. I really wish I could give Veronica a lifetime of anguish and pain for how she mistreated you and for all the times she tried to poison you... and throw the ones that had you been born just to turn you in a magic stone in the deepest circle of [hell] to experience an eternity of unabated suffering. You deserved a lot better." Her hand gently tugged at the fabric of his nightclothes. No matter how awkward the situation, confirming he was there was more important than breathing.
In response to her touch, he dared to put an hand on her shoulder. The contact between them was already too much for comfort, but he wouldn't neglect his role of comforting her even at the cost of his sanity.
"It's fine now, there's someone who looks out for me..." He paused a little, then allowed a devious smile to pass his lips. "...and I'd dare say that the way she promises endless atrocities with a lovely voice is absolutely exquisite."
Her eyes widened at the unexpected comment, then she smiled, always eager for his acknowledgement. "I've learned from the best." She nuzzled her face against his chest, and let a comfortable (for her, at least) silence fall between them.
"Is there anything else?" he asked after a short while, suspicious at the gods who had been particular about someone with the same thread color.
Rozemyne stiffened. She knew what he was talking about, but she really didn't want to say it. He would get mad. So she opted to play dumb.
"Anything else? ...Oh, right! Dregarnuhr said that everybody's memory would be returned in the present... do you recall an incident with a Turnis Befaren at the house of Lords?"
Ferdinand frowned. He knew she was trying to avoid his question. Though, he had to admit that a foreign memory of something happened long ago suddenly came to his mind.
"Now that you talk about it... There was a period of three days that nobody could recollect... Now I can remember that beast and the absolute mess that followed our attack."
He had been collecting materials with Dunkelferger's knights when they were ambushed by the unknown beast. They attacked, ignoring it would absorb their magic power and grow, and many of them had been badly injured. He, in particular, had been hit both by the claws and by the corrosive saliva of the beast and would have climbed to greater heights, but a certain stubborn goddess incarnation had appeared out of nowhere, taught the others how to get the god of darkness protection, and practically dragged him into her strange beast to treat him.
"You were pretty vicious for someone administering healing..."
"I don't want to hear that from someone who constantly administered a kid a medicine so bad-tasting that you yourself thought you had been poisoned..."
...Okay, that actually happened in the foundation of Ahrensbach, when she had gone to his rescue. "I can't argue to that..." he muttered, averting his eyes.
She nodded, mentally pumping a fist. It wasn't everyday that you could get the Ferdinand to admit you were right and he was wrong.
"You were pretty wild yourself at the time. You seemed to blend in very well with Dunkelferger..."
"They were the ones always trying to blend in with me." he said in a dismissive tone. "...besides, it was easier than spending time at Ehrenfest's dormitory sometimes."
She closed her eyes, feeling the weight of his implication. She slid her hand around his torso, squeezing him hard. Without thinking, one of her feet slid above his shin.
All the alarms in Ferdinand's head went off at the same time as he felt her move. Hadn't she done something similar in the aforementioned episode? Since he was refusing to take off his armor for her to treat the wound on his chest, at some point she had all but straddled him and threatened to take it off herself. The worst part was that her continued squirming had caused the young him to... uhm... react. Well, her squirming, or the fact that for the first time in his life he had thought a woman was attractive. At the time he had been relieved she had not noticed it, but now he didn't know whether to be worried for her obliviousness or depressed because she didn't even seem to realize he was a man.
Luckily, this time she stopped well before she reached a dangerous zone. Steadying his nerves, he reminded himself they had a far more pressing issue at hand.
"Rozemyne... why did they want someone whose thread color was the same? If they just needed someone to send to the past, wouldn't anyone be fine?"
"That... well... someone who had the book of Mestionora was needed. And it would be easier for me to heal you, since our mana are almost identical, no?"
"Rozemyne, look at me please. Did the gods ask for something dangerous, or unreasonable?"
"It wasn't unreasonable..." She was prepared to give up her life, so just being able to come back was more than she had been hoping for.
"What did you have to do?" She was still looking away. She was definitely hiding something.
"It doesn't matter, I am unharmed."
"You're avoiding the question..."
Knowing that he wouldn't give up, she tried the last, desperate move to hide what she really didn't want to say.
"It's embarrassing... I said it earlier, didn't I?"
"Said what?" The more she struggled, the more he was convinced he would not like what she was hiding. And she still was not looking at him.
"About the Star Knot!"
"You said it without shame earlier!"
"That's because I didn't want to let you go..." He could feel her pouting against his chest.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, pondering for a few seconds what to do. Then a simple yet evil plan formed in his mind.
"I understand..." he said in a neutral voice, as if he had been convinced, then switched to his best impression of a ladykiller. "...for me as well, it has gotten more and more difficult everyday to let go of my fiancée..." He suggestively brushed his fingertips on her upper arm. "...but now that you are my wife, we don't need to hold back anymore..." His fingers moved to her shoulder. "...it's finally time for winter to come." He continued tracing her shoulder toward her back, silently praying she would fall for his trick before he actually lost control.
Her face went completely red. Her heart started beating like an heavy metal drum. Her body shivered as she felt his fingers on her. She could have sworn vapor was coming out of her head.
"FERDINAND!" she shouted, raising her head to look at him.
In a moment, his hands were on both sides of her face, and he was staring at her eyes with an hard glare.
"Why the same color, Rozemyne?"
She realized she had been tricked. And in an utterly shameful way, nonetheless.
She lowered her eyes, knowing she had lost.
"They said I could repair your thread at the cost of my own." she whispered.
The pressure of his thumbs on her cheeks increased involuntarily, and he soon tore his hands away, angrily punching the bed. She saw a flash of rainbow in his irises before he pushed her away and turned his head the other way, covering his eyes with one hand. She could tell from the muscles in his neck that he was gritting his teeth, probably hard enough to break them.
She reached out for him, but her hands stopped before she could touch him. What could she say to calm him? Wasn't because of her that he was angry, in the first place? She wished she could at least tell him how long they had left, but Dregarnuhr had refused to say anything in that respect. What if she had been given just a night, just a few hours to say goodbye?
As she wondered what to do, Ferdinand had forced himself to take many calming breaths. When he finally reached a semblance of control, he asked, without looking at her "Why did you do something so stupid?" She felt disgust in his voice, failing to understand it was self-loathing.
"Wha- BECAUSE YOU WERE DISAPPEARING! DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO SEE YOU DISAPPEAR AND DO NOTHING?"
"NOT AT THE COST OF YOUR LIFE! YOU SHOULD HAVE LET THE GODS CLEAN AFTER THEMSELVES!" He angrily glared at her, although the ones he was angry to were the gods, not her.
"THEY WOULD HAVE REWOVEN THE LAST TWENTY YEARS! AND WITHOUT YOU!"
"SO BE IT! I WASN'T MEANT TO LIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO DON'T GO WASTING YOUR LIFE ON ME!"
Her mind went blank with rage. She launched herself at him, pushing him down by the shoulders and straddling his lap to keep him in place. He looked at her with wide eyes, clearly not having expected her to do something like that ...again.
"IT'S NOT WASTING! IT'S NOT A WASTE TO SAVE FERDINAND! Ferdinand is meant to live! Ferdinand is meant to be happy!" She started to sob. "You have to guide me thorough my life. ...What would I do if I didn't have you by my side?" She sniffed. "How many times would I have died without you?" Tears began to fall unbound from her eyes and she roughly rubbed them, lowering her face, all fight gone from her being.
Ferdinand stared at her crying form. He had been angry at the gods for their outrageous demand, but had lashed out at her instead. He had wanted to shield her from any danger, and instead forced her to face the fear of losing a loved one. Because no matter the form that her love for him took, there was not doubt that she cared for him very deeply. And the haunting fear of suddenly finding oneself without that guiding light in life... that, he could understand and relate to. So here she was, crying her heart out because of him. He had never felt such a low-life before. He really did not deserve her sacrifice.
Slowly, he reached out and pulled her in a tight, desperate embrace. "I'm sorry..." he whispered against her ear. "I'm not angry at you. I would have done the same thing. But I still wish you didn't have to make a sacrifice like that..."
She gripped his bedclothes, burying her face in the crook of his neck. "It's not a sacrifice if I can have Ferdinand back..." she said between sobs.
Wordlessly, he squeezed her harder as his hands gripped the fabric of her clothes. Really... This woman couldn't even begin to imagine how much she meant to him, how much she was giving him.
They stayed like that for a while, holding onto each other for dear life, trying to fill that bottomless pit that was the need to know that the other was there and was alive.
After her sobs subsided, Rozemyne steeled herself for the other topic she felt she needed to address. "Ferdinand... I need to give back your name."
He felt like a bucket of cold water had been splashed down on him. He moved his head back so he could look at her. A thousand questions on what had happened in the realm of the gods crossed his mind, but the only one he managed to voice was "Why?"
"It's... just a precaution." her eyes were red, but it was difficult to tell whether it was because of the tears she had already shed or because of the new ones that were pooling in her eyes. "Ventuhite said that the repairs didn't need all of my thread, but she didn't say how much was left... what if they gave me just a day, maybe even less, to say goodbye to you? I don't want you to die if that's the case." Fresh tears fell silently from her eyes. She had been more than ready to sacrifice her life, she would do it again if needed, but now that she could feel that the Ferdinand in front of her was real, the fear of loosing him became even stronger than before.
He once again embraced her tightly, and started speaking soothingly against her ear. "Rozemyne, I understand that it's different from both your commoner and your dream world way of thinking, but I gave you my name exactly for you to hold onto it until the last moment. I'm not going to take it back, even if you force me."
"But you'll die as well if I do!"
"That's the whole point. Didn't you go to the past to save me sacrificing your own thread, your life? Why did you do that?"
She paused, thinking how to phrase her emotions. "Because I couldn't stand the idea that all the time we spent together would disappear into nothingness. If history had been woven anew, the 'you' in that timeline would be dead before 'I' could even be born."
"Then you can understand why I don't want to live without you anymore..." He buried his head in the crook of her neck "You have seen glimpses of my past... I've spent my first twenty years striving to do what I was supposed to at the best of my abilities while just trying to survive. But then I met you, and my life was turned upside down by things that were totally extraneous to me, like family love or living to do what one wishes... You can't ask me to go back to a life without you, Rozemyne."
She took in his words, her mind wandering to a few days earlier, when she saw him slowly disappear and felt herself being swallowed in a feeling of abysmal despair when she couldn't find a way to help him. For the first time since she had been holding his name, she thought she could relate to those who dedicated their name to their lo- loved one. Although she didn't love him. Not like a woman is supposed to love a man, at least. But still, the idea of living without him somehow seemed more dreadful than death. "I... I think I understand. I'll hold onto your name."
"Thank you." he sincerely whispered, holding her close.
She slid her arms around his torso and rested her head on his shoulder, indulging her need to cling to him. She wondered if the time they had would be enough to recharge her. Considering how scared she had been of losing him, probably she'd never have enough, but as long as he humored her, it was fine for her.
He took in her presence for a few minutes, thinking that if they really had to die that night, he wanted to die like that, while embracing her. She didn't want winter to come, but maybe she would accept if he asked her to stay for the night. After all, they wouldn't be doing anything different from what they were currently doing -just being close. However, he presumed he wasn't the only one she wanted to spend time with.
He reluctantly broke the embrace just enough to talk with her. "Rozemyne, what about your family? Do you want to tell them?" He tried to imagine Gunther's reaction to a news such as 'Myne is going to die tonight' and he didn't like it one bit.
She blinked. It didn't even cross her mind to inform her family of the situation or going to say goodbye. She had been so engulfed with thoughts of Ferdinand that she had totally lost sight of everything else...
"Although," Ferdinand continued "before giving your father an heart attack, maybe we should try to figure out how long we have. Did the goddess say anything at all? Even just an hint... It would be better if you could remember the exact words."
She puffed her cheeks, knowing he was insinuating she was no good at reading between the lines, but... well... he was right. She tried to recall her exchange with the gods.
"You've done well." said Dregarnuhr to Rozemyne, as soon as she had completed the last task of saving the young Ferdinand from Adalzeza and take him to Ehrenfest. "All the cuts in Quinta's thread have been repaired. Now both him and Yurgenschmidt's history are safe."
"My cloth is just as beautiful as it was before someone got her dirty paws on it." Ventuhite said, glaring at Ribeskuhilfe, who was being closely guarded by Sterrat.
"I see that tying your strings was not a mistake. To think you'd have that effect on someone like him. No wonder he has dyed you so much." said the only male god.
Rozemyne blinked. "Effect? Dyed?" She had no clue what he was talking about, but since dyeing was involved, it had to be some sort of misunderstanding.
"Sterrat! Don't say something like that in front of so many women!" Dregarnuhr scolded him, then turned to the youngest of said women. "Anyway, you have my thanks, Myne. You can go back now, I won't keep you any more from your husband." the goddess smiled at her.
Rozemyne's eyes opened wide in disbelief. She had taken for granted her life would be forfeited. "Are you sending me back?"
Dregarnuhr tilted her head and stared at her. "Do you not want to? I thought you'd be eager to enjoy your wedding night. ...Although you're already this dyed, I guess the wedding night would be nothing special to you."
"Now how is this any better that what I said earlier?" Sterrat muttered under his breath, knowing that none of the goddesses would ever bother to listen to his complaints.
Her face flustered, Rozemyne had to steel her mind to focus on the most important topic. "I want to go back! I want to! ...but wasn't my thread used to repair Ferdinand's?"
Ventuhite and Dregarnuhr looked at each other, wondering why humans never accepted anything good without questioning it. "The repairs simply didn't need all of your thread." answered Ventuhite after some thought.
The thought that they had somehow managed to salvage only enough for her to say her goodbyes -or for the wedding night- crossed her mind. She had to ask, if nothing else because not doing so would make Ferdinand angry. "How long do I have?"
Dregarnuhr sighed. "No matter how important you are for Yurgenschmidt, I cannot tell a mortal when she's going to die. You won't find the date of your death even in the book of Mestionora... Now go, Quinta is about to wake up." and that said, sent Rozemyne back to Azumaya.
...Wasn't everything they had said borderline sexual harassment? Ferdinand had a point, she was no good at picking up hidden meaning, but they were plainly saying to her face 'we're taking for granted that dyeing is the only thing you two do in your lives'. In the end, she opted to only report the last thing the goddess had said, hoping that Ferdinand, being Ferdinand, would get any message she had missed.
"When I asked how much time they were giving me, Dregarnuhr said 'No matter how important you are for Yurgenschmidt, I cannot tell a mortal when she's going to die. You won't find the date of your death even in the book of Mestionora...'."
She wanted to add that she had been sent back after that, but she stopped when she saw his expression morph from one of worry to one of understanding, as if the proverbial light bulb just went on in his head. Then, he gave her a frosty Demon King smile, like she hadn't seen in ages. She felt like covering and shrinking.
"Rozemyne, you being important for Yurgenschmidt is indeed a very big hint that Dregarnuhr gave you." he said as his hands reached for her cheeks, pinching them with a vice-like grip.
She winced, and big tears formed in her eyes. "Aw.. Aww... AW! Wat do yo meen?"
"Think about it for a moment, fool. Whose names do you hold?"
"Yor, Rodeik, Mat-"
"Start with the highest ranking!" He forcibly pulled, wondering if she'll ever learn some common sense.
"A-aww... Egwantie..."
"Indeed. You hold Zent's name. And tell me, what is going to happen to Yurgenschmidt if you, me, Eglantine -and probably even Anastasius- were all to die at the same time? Do you think the gods would have you and all those who can access the supply room die, considering how desperate they were to fill the foundation?" He kept glaring at her, all the while tugging at her cheeks, although the latter might have just been a guilty pleasure of his.
As he spoke about the gods, a little bit of information he had seen on the book of Mestionora while fighting with Gervasio came back to his mind, something he had forgotten in the mist of all the chaos and then buried deep in his mind when she said she loved him like family, not like a man. She definitely couldn't die in a matter of days... the next Zent was supposed to be their child, how could she die before giving birth?
His eyes slowly drifted to her lips, how they moved as he kept playing with her cheeks. Their child... Winter will eventually come, somewhere in the future, but will it be a choice of love, or will she just endure it for the desire to procreate?
Suddenly realizing the direction his thoughts were taking, Ferdinand forced himself to refocus on the matter at hand. This level of innuendo was something he could usually handle easily, but having her straddling his lap was already pushing his self-restraint to the limit. He abruptly released her cheeks and covered her eyes with one hand, casting an healing spell.
Rozemyne was mulling over his words, as hope grew in her heart and tears of pain pooled in her eyes. Her death would, indeed, have a huge backslash to all the country, it made sense that the gods would try, if not to keep her alive, at least not kill her. Could he be right? Could they really have at least a few years to live, fill her library with books, research the sea life, make more and more delicious food... Could she have time to really know the man in front of her, give him enough family love to make up for the years he had spent suffering?
She was surprised by the hand suddenly covering her eyes, and the healing he gave her on both her eyes and cheeks. As soon as he removed it, she pouted "Instead of healing me afterward, couldn't you refrain from pinching my cheeks so hard?"
"The healing is because I don't want you to hurt, the pinching for scaring me like that for not thinking things through." He pushed her forehead with his pointer finger.
She lowered her eyes. "Sorry, I..." she trailed off, realizing that the dramatic scenario might have been suggested to her by one or two novels too much... saying that would surely earn her another round of pinching. Instead, she asked "Do you really think we'll have the time to enjoy our playground?"
Somehow, her wording and the use of the plural made him feel warm inside. He smiled, not a Demon King smile, but rather a playful one. "After all the effort to get it, are you going to let it go?"
She took a few seconds to understand he was joking, then snorted a short laugh. "I'm not." She whispered, not bothering to say there was little she could do if her thread was cut. If Ferdinand said they could overturn the gods' decision, then they definitely could. "I will defend it with my life." She sniffed, imagining the life they had ahead of them. Tears started to fall again as she smiled at him.
"Rozemyne..." worried, Ferdinand reached for both her cheeks, gently rubbing them dry with his thumbs.
"Sorry..." she spoke in self-mockery, while smiling and crying at the same time. "Look at me... I went to the gods ready to give up my life, but just knowing we might have a few years ahead is enough for me to start crying like an idiot..."
Ferdinand gently pulled her head down, planting a long, chaste kiss on her forehead. Rozemyne's eyes shot open, but she found herself being pressed against his chest as he hugged her, bringing her with him as he rested his back on the pillows. "It must have been scary..." he whispered "You did well, Rozemyne. You don't have anything to blame yourself for."
Her hands gripped his bedclothes and they both started to drift off to sleep, as she let him hold her close in his embrace, the safest place in the world for her.
Princess of lust
Dignity put to dust
A virginal sight
Their apple to bite
Drink from my thighs
The rain of lies
A sight so cursed:
Breasts which never nursed
An Aphrodite for mortal souls
Playing hide and seek in lecherous roles
Their erotic hour, my tearless weep
Their satisfaction, my infinite sleep
"Lord Ferdinand?" Justus called from outside the service door after nobody answered him ringing the bell. He would usually just walk in, but Lady Rozemyne sharing the room with his master was as far from 'usual' as possible. He had to admit she had displayed a resolve he didn't know she possessed when clearing the room to be able to 'cling' to Ferdinand-sama... if not for her final remark, he'd have thought she wanted to consummate their marriage...
"Lord Ferdinand?" he called again, louder. ...but seriously, she could be cruel sometimes. He knew she cared a lot for Ferdinand-sama and didn't say things like that out of scorn, hatred, repulsion or whatever... but he was starting to wonder if her obliviousness could be even more hurtful to his master. It was almost like she was declaring to the world she thought nothing of his manliness.
He let out a sigh before cracking the door open. He looked around the room, confirming there was nobody where he could see, then opened the door all the way and went in, pushing the cart toward the table. He looked at the bed, whose curtains were closed just like when he had left the room. He moved closer to it and whispered "Lord Ferdinand?"
He strained to hear any sounds coming from within the canopy and, after making sure the only sound was that of quiet breathing, he gave in to the temptation to peek. Would they be naked and embracing each other? ...As if...
Parting the curtains with two fingers, he made an opening just big enough for his eye. On the bed, he could see his master sleeping supine, his body resting on the pillows... and the mistress sleeping against his chest, her legs straddling his lap. His master's hands didn't seem to be shy, either, as they were resting on her hip and on her leg.
For someone who had declared roughly one bell ago that 'winter will not come', she was laying over her man in a pretty lewd position, wasn't she?
...No... rather... Had it been anybody else, 'lewd' would have been right, but between them... wasn't their close embrace just a measure of how much they trusted each other? Of how much they were comfortable together? Of how many of the defenses his master put up against everyone that the little princess had effortlessly destroyed one after another?
He slid his fingers away from the canopy, smiling fondly. "Lord Ferdinand? Milady?" he called out before moving to retrieve clothes for him to wear.
Ferdinand squeezed his eyes, but didn't open them. Pulled by gravity, the hand on her hip slid down a few centimeters. The softness of what he was touching felt nice to him, and he squeezed lightly.
In her haze, Rozemyne registered she was being touched somewhere she wasn't used to, but she didn't dislike it. However, since she had been in a not-so-comfortable position for a while, her legs started making unordered movements to make blood circulate again.
Ferdinand started feeling conscious of the body resting upon his, the warm softness on his chest and the bolero that was being danced over his groin, making his blood pool down. His hands caressed and groped the flesh they were touching, and he lovingly murmured "Rozemyne..."
She purred in response to his voice, moving her head closer to the source until her nose was nuzzling his neck. He could feel her whole body -head, breasts, legs- brushing against his, and he finally opened his eyes to look at the form of the woman who meant so much for him. He gently kissed her temple, whispering "Morning, my all-goddess." my everything, my saving grace.
Outside, Justus was dying to have another peek. What exactly was going on? Was it just the beginning of another misunderstanding caused by his master's just-woken unguarded state? A state that, for all the years he had served him, had never lasted so long. Was it because he was still recuperating from the days he had vanished? Or was the presence of his goddess that made him drop his guard?
The good part was that, judging by the sounds she was making, Lady Rozemyne didn't really mind whatever his master was doing. Was she really the same girl that kept denying any possibility for winter to come? It crossed his mind that her declarations might be just a way to deceive, but for what purpose? Besides, it wasn't like her at all...
Rozemyne replied with a "Hmm~" to the feeling of his deep voice reverberating on her skin through his chest. She slowly opened her eyes, finding herself staring at the neck of the man she had feared to never see again. He moved one hand up from her hip to the small of her back, pressing her closer to him. She moved her head up in response, tracing his neck, his jaw, his earlobe with the point of her nose. Her hands moved up until she was holding onto both of his shoulders, with her arms under his armpits. She wasn't going to let him go even if her life was on the line.
Justus debated whether to leave them be or call them again. He really didn't want to interrupt anything that was going on, but if things were to lead up to winter, would Lady Rozemyne really don't mind afterward? And knowing Ferdinand-sama, wouldn't he loathe himself if the first time with his all-goddess wasn't the most unforgettable experience for her? Indeed, he surely would. And as his retainer, it was his -ungrateful- duty to stop him.
Ferdinand brought an hand under her chin and gently lifted her face. When their eyes met, she didn't shy away, but smiled at him. With his thumb, he traced the contour of her lower lip, causing her to close her eyes and slightly part her lips. Feeling that he had her approval, he started lowering his head to hers.
Justus coughed loudly. "Lord Ferdinand, dinner is ready. Can I serve it?"
Ferdinand grimaced at the interruption, while Rozemyne seemed to finally realize what was about to happen.
Her expression morphed from one of anticipation and bliss to a thoroughly terrified one. Fe-Ferdinand was about to kiss her! His hands, his chest, their legs, her arms... There was no place where their bodies weren't touching!
With her heart beating as fast and hard as a pneumatic drill, she jerkily took her arms away from him, and in the attempt to make some distance between their faces, her tights moved down and her nether regions lowered against his. Something... something was poking... his thing was poking between her legs!
"Rozemyne... I'm ashamed... I forgot myself." Trying hard to ignore the feeling of their lower bodies pressing against each other, Ferdinand tried to apologize, mentally whipping himself for everything.
Rozemyne didn't even hear what he was saying, being momentarily unable to process any new information. Whining, she abruptly moved away from him trying to reach the edge of the bed, but her legs were too weak, and she fell in the space between the bed and the canopy.
From outside, Justus heard a loud thud, and Lady Rozemyne crying out. Just what had happened?
"Rozemyne!" Ferdinand called, leaning over the edge of the bed. She was laying on her back, one hand gripping the sheets, and it looked like her head was far enough not to have hit the nightstand. As he looked at her from head to toe, searching for injuries, his eyes were caught by the pointy tips of her usually round mounds. He immediately forced his focus on her face and held his hand out to her.
"Lord Ferdinand, may I be of assistance?" the aide called from outside.
"Give us a minute." Ferdinand quickly said, to make sure his attendant wouldn't open the canopy and see his fia- wife in such a disheveled state.
Rozemyne, from the floor, stared back and forth at his outstretched hand and at his face. She seemed to weigh many things at once, and at the end she whined again and covered her face with both hands, shaking her head. She knew he'd get mad at her for laying on the floor, but she needed some time to digest the overload of feelings and sensations she had experienced in a too short amount of time.
However, Ferdinand interpreted her gesture as a mix of disgust and distrust toward him. He felt defeated, baffled at how he had let his instincts, his lust, destroy what he had been carefully building for years. And he could only see darkness ahead, because after his shameful and vulgar conduct, it would be unthinkable for her not only to consider him as a lover, but also to keep thinking of him as family.
Wanting nothing more than to disappear, he said "I'll get out of the canopy, so please sit on the bed." then moved to the opposite side and went outside, letting out a defeated sigh as he did. Justus moved closer, holding a gown for him to wear. The older man's eyes darted down for a brief moment, and Ferdinand was grateful that, for once, his aide didn't comment. "I'm going to use the restroom. When she's ready to come out, ask her if she wants to eat with me or if she'd feel more comfortable eating at her own quarters."
"Lord Ferdinand... should I have not called out?" Justus whispered, sounding apologetic -something rare for him.
Ferdinand pondered for a moment. He wished he could blame the other man for having abruptly put a stop to something good that was going on between them, for having halted him when he was just centimeters away from finally tasting those beautiful, inviting lips... But that horrified look was directed to him and no one else. Had Justus waited a bit more, they could have kissed, maybe even gone as far as to make winter arrive, but then? The horrified look in her eyes would have been replaced by one of hate and disgust.
"I am the only one at fault." he said and, without looking at his aide, moved away to the restroom. Now, adding a more basic problem to the disaster he had just caused... How to relieve himself with an... erect member... without making a mess?
Back inside the canopy, Rozemyne was still laying on the floor, her face hidden in her hands and her heart still beating furiously. Ferdinand had really been about to kiss her... No, not only that... She had felt it... He was hard! HARD! He was ready to... to have "[SEX]" with her!
She clamped her hands on her mouth. She had said it out loud! She panicked, without even realizing the word came out in Japanese. Did they hear her? Were they thinking she was a vulgar woman who couldn't even use euphemisms? Did they think she wanted it?
Do I want it?
Her body felt weird all over, her heart was about to explode, her nipples were so hard they actually hurt, every place his hands had been touching felt on fire and... her... her... the place between her legs... was tingling.
Was I anticipating the kiss? The sex, even?
But it was wrong! She was talking about Ferdinand... They were like family! FAMILY! They weren't lovers, they were family...
An image of the heated and hungry gaze he had given her after he unsealed her memory flashed through her mind, and it almost brought tears to her eyes. He desired her. Like a man desires a woman. He had made it clear, but she conveniently tended to forget, to selfishly get her share of Gyu without giving what she didn't want to give.
Because I don't want to give it. ...Whatever 'it' is!
"Milady, do you need help?"
Rozemyne almost screamed when Justus addressed her. Quickly, she did her best to compose herself and moved her hands away from her mouth. "I'm f-fine." she managed to say, though her wavering voice suggested otherwise.
Waiting for her to be ready to come out, Justus debated with himself what to do. Asking her if she wanted to eat in her quarters would surely save them a lot of embarrassment today, but he had the nagging suspicion that things would get exponentially more awkward afterward. On the other hand, if he said nothing -going against his master's wishes- they might have to face each other, but... considering how stubborn and romantically inept they both were, instead of smoothing things out they could create an even huger misunderstanding.
"Lord Ferdinand is currently in the restroom. Would you like to start dinner or to wait for him?" he asked, waiting to gauge her reaction.
Inappropriate images appeared in Rozemyne's mind as she connected the restroom with Ferdinand's previous... state. Was he jerki- NOO! NO! He isn't! Not Ferdinand! Not my Superman! He is perfect! Stoic! He... He is... He was...
...He was hard just minutes ago... He is... a man, he has urges... and I... I am... the one who stirs those urges...
"Would you rather eat in your chambers, Milady?"
She inhaled deeply, silently begging her heart to slow down. The suggestion was really tempting. It sounded like a shameful retreat, but it was extremely tempting. She was not ready to face Ferdinand, not when her mind, body, heart and soul seemed to have four, if not more, different ideas of what to do with him. She quickly got to her feet, ignoring the fact she was still feeling some pins and needles in her legs, and unceremoniously opened the bed's drapes, facing a surprised Justus.
"I'm going!" she said, clenching her fists.
His eyes went wide for a fraction of second seeing her eagerness, but he said nothing about it, nor about the bright red on her face. "I'll let Lord Ferdinand know. Maybe you should form your armor again in the meantime." The clothes meant to go underneath the armor were a bit less than appropriate, in particular when her nipples were so evidently hard.
Once they were both done and exited the room, Rozemyne formed a two-seat Lessy and instructed Justus to put the tray on the passenger's seat. "You don't have to come all the way to my quarters, I can at least carry a tray to my table."
"I'm pretty sure you can, Milady, but Lord Ferdinand would get mad at me if I let you go alone." he said, and took the offered seat himself.
Rozemyne sighed "Noble society can really be a pain..."
Shortly after Lessy started moving in the deserted aisles, Justus offered an anti-eavesdropping magic tool to Rozemyne, who accepted it with a questioning look.
"Milady, forgive my forwardness, but... should I have not called out?" What he really wanted to ask was 'what happened when I was not looking that made you two both so excited and so wary of each other?', but sadly he couldn't be so forward. Not with his master and, even more so, not with his master's goddess.
Her cheeks colored again -giving him further confirmation that something juicy was happening. Looking ahead as she drove, she thought for a moment and then answered "I wish you could have done it a few minutes earlier..." without articulating any further.
Trying to get information that his master would surely want, he went for a roundabout approach. Of course, satisfying his curiosity was an added bonus. "...Did lord Ferdinand do something bad to you, Milady?"
Rozemyne opened her eyes wide. She was a complete mess thanks to what had happened, but blaming everything on Ferdinand wouldn't be fair. She was a mess in the first place because her heart -and not only that- was wavering, so it probably wasn't far from the truth to say that be the blame was entirely on her. After all, Ferdinand was just being honest with what he wanted. And Ferdinand being honest with his feelings was something rare enough that she wanted to cherish it ...well, she would want to cherish it, if it just wasn't too much for her to digest.
She shook her head. "He didn't do anything bad." Justus didn't miss that her tone was exactly the same his master had used earlier to say 'I am the only one at fault.'
"Something you disliked?"
Rozemyne turned to him, wanting to say she had already answered, but in reality the two questions were nothing alike. What should she say? She had both enjoyed and hated what he -no, rather- what they were doing, and that was the source of every problem.
Had she just hated it, she would have told him off as soon as he first touched her. Maybe she would have put some distance between them even before falling asleep? ...or maybe not, as before they fell asleep they were just exchanging Gyu... Ugh... She was starting to see how Gyu could be confusing for Ferdinand...
Had she just enjoyed it, they would have probably sent Justus away and... continued... Just how far would they have gone? Ferdinand wouldn't go all the way before their Star Knot, would he? But, technically... their stars had been tied... they were...
"Milady!" Justus called out, letting Rozemyne realize that, instead of turning a corner, she was going straight toward the small statue that decorated it. She abruptly stopped Lessy, making Justus understand the true value of the seat belts. Without missing a beat, he smiled politely at her, saying "I think at least one third of the soup has fallen down, Milady." good thing the tray had a cover.
She slumped her head on the steering wheel, hiding in between the hands holding onto it. "Sorry..."
Justus sighed. "No, Milady, I'm the one who is sorry. I didn't realize I asked a question so difficult. However, let me say that I'm happy you didn't immediately answer that you hated... whatever has happened between you and Lord Ferdinand."
Rozemyne took a peek at him. He could see her questioning eyes, but the redness of her cheeks was hidden behind her hands. He gave her the answer she wasn't able to ask for.
"Lord Ferdinand never said anything about this, but as a fellow man I can imagine how painful it would be to hear his goddess insist that you are 'like family' or that 'winter will not come'. I'm just happy that you're not... completely against the idea of being his Geduldh."
Rozemyne went completely red, and with an hasty maneuver she put Lessy back in the right track, speeding for her chambers. She took off so quickly that they both were pressed against their seats, and more soup spilled.
"I see that Milady doesn't want to eat soup tonight..."
OMAKE
"...Did lord Ferdinand do something bad to you, Milady?"
Rozemyne opened her eyes wide. "If I said he did, would you believe me?"
"I would never believe anyone speaking ill of Lord Ferdinand. I just wanted to know what happened."
"..."
Reviews are always appreciated :)
As of now, the first scene of chapter two is done, but it will likely take at the very least another month (or more) to finish the chapter. The adventurous reader might find the partial chapter 2 published somewhere else