Suenagaku na Aki

Chapter 9

Kaoru breathed rapidly, while clutching the futon tightly in her hands. She didn't notice the sweat around her face. She was scared. The dream... no, the nightmare she has just experienced was so intense that she mentally checked herself to see whether she was dreaming or not. The haunting nightmare followed by the remembered terror of watching Kenshin fight Enishi was once more intruding on her sleep. Dreams! Dreams! She mentally wailed to herself! Why!

It was a dream about her father who was about to leave her to help quell the uprising caused by a former Ishin Shishi warrior by the name of Takamori. She pleaded with him, tugging his gi as he was about to leave the front door. She groveled, she wept, as a young girl would. But he smiled softly and just asked, "Do you know that I really love you, Chibi?" Despite Kaoru being a teenager, she would always be his little girl.

"If so, please stay" she said between sobs.

Koshijiro shook his head softly. "Remember to practice your kata everyday"

Kaoru sobbed. A finger to her cheek lifted her face to see him.

"I'm scared, father"

"Don't worry. I will come back safely and we can go eat some Miso together"

'LIAR' her mind screamed. That statement was evident in her eyes.  He smiled ruefully, as he knew that he might not make it back safely.

"Perhaps I can promise you this, Chibi. One day you will feel the same way about someone. Then you will understand why I have to leave"

"This is not right! You will go out and kill people. You will break the principles of Kamiya Kasshinryu you have vowed to uphold!"

Koshijiro closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He then put his mouth near Kaoru's ear, whispering, "If what I am going to do can protect you, the principles will still be upheld. Forgive me. Sayonara, Chibi" Kashijiro punched her in the stomach, knocking her out. And that was how Kaoru's dream ended, with her vision of her father blurring.

Ever since the day her father left her never to return, she had the same recurring dream. She stopped having it when Kenshin and the others came to live with her. Kaoru shivered. What was promised to her about her finding someone she cared about came true. Loneliness was banished temporarily from her mind. But with that banishment, helplessness took its place.

'Father, you must be laughing at me now for doubting your words. But I don't care about your laughing at me. I finally understood what you meant. Kenshin. I care about him very much. So much so that it hurts me knowing that I could do nothing. Tomoe. She is a goddess that a stupid, ugly, self-centered, uncouth and unwomanly tomboyish raccoon could never replace' Kaoru laughed bitterly, wiping away her tears. 'And she saved him, both his life and his soul'

She had cried when Kenshin told all of them the story of his wife, she had cried. Partly because she was saddened with by Kenshin's tragic story and partly because of Tomoe's suffering. But at the same time she cried because she felt that no matter what, there was only one woman in Kenshin's heart. And that woman, by Kaoru's own admission, must be Tomoe.  Since that day, she has stopped trying to vie for his love, settling instead for the chance just to be with him.

'I couldn't lift a finger! Hoping to stop the fight between him and Enishi at that island. Ha ha ha. I never thought I could deceive myself that much. And that pathetic attempt of throwing myself to stop the bullets. Even then I was busy closing my eyes, hoping the gun wouldn't fire.' She laughed again, despite the pain in her heart.

'Takani Megumi. Everything that wasn't me rolled into one stunning woman. The only thing that I have that she doesn't is my ability to create poison using kitchen utensils'

'Sagara Sanosuke. The only person he trusts to fight by his side'

'Myojin Yahiko. A rising star whose teacher stood idiotically while he beat one of Enishi's goons that would could easily kick her ass if she fought him'

'Where does that leave me? What is the function of Kamiya Kaoru? The dojo owner-dono? The Kaoru-don't know? The Little Missy? The Miss "come get me. I am vulnerable"? ' Kaoru felt too tired to laughed any more. She realized that problem was hers, and hers alone. Deciding that she needed some fresh air she opened the door leading to the outside and sat porch. The answer to her inner conflict wouldn't come, she knew. But perhaps the fresh night air would give her strength to procrastinate, to avoid facing the question then, deferring it to the day after that.

The night was quite and dark, as the moon was hidden behind the night clouds. Kaoru sat on the porch. She could recall of times when she was small when her mother and she would spend the time together, listening to sounds of crickets. 'Autumn is approaching, and the crickets wouldn't be around'

'The crickets! I don't hear any sound!' Kaoru's instinct told her that something was wrong. She got up and walked to the front of her dojo. Her eyes settled on a tree there. Discounting moonless night, she was almost sure she saw someone standing by it for a few seconds. But the problem was she could not feel any ki. Perhaps her ki sensing skill was not even close to Kenshin's, but she was sure that she was supposed to feel something.

Suddenly, her battle instinct screamed for her to look in another direction. Her attention was directed at another tree in front of the house. She saw nothing except the tree itself. Kaoru took a few steps to the tree cautiously, arming herself with a piece of fire wood as a makeshift shinai.

"Dare yo (Who are you)?" she asked in a small voice.

Only silence answered her.

"Dare yo?"

Still nobody answered her.

"Whoever you are, I know that you're here somewhere," Kaoru stopped, taking a deep breath while scanning the surrounding area.  "It's quite normal for the crickets to stop making any sound when someone is around. As you can see, even though your kenki is fully hidden, I know you that you're here by hearing the crickets' sound". It was a gambit. Kaoru knew that the insects would not make any sounds if they sense a possible predator among them, but she wasn't sure whether there was anyone there at all.

A shadow slowly appeared from the back of the tree. Quietly, the shadow jumped onto one of the branches and sat there. "Congratulations. You're the second person who actually managed to find me" The voice belonged to a woman.

Kaoru knew that she was supposed to call the others, but somehow she felt that it was better for her not to do so. "Who are you?"

"Ichijo", the woman answered.

"You're the one who was stalking on the dojo this afternoon right? I felt your ki" Kaoru asked. "And... the very eager lady at the restaurant"

Ichijo's eyes flashed with anger. "No, to both of them", she answered calmly, despite her facial expression. "Well, I was at the dojo this afternoon, but it wasn't my ki that you felt. It belongs to one of us" she said. "He was spying on you despite my warning not to underestimate you and that bratty student of yours. I was there to stop him, but since you already detected his presence at that time and my presence now, my mission of gathering intelligence on all of you secretly is a failure" She smiled an evil smile as she continued, "Well, as for the scene at the restaurant, I guess I was eager. Eager to get rid of them"

"Masaka..."

"Believe it, Kamiya-san"

Thoughts on reasons why the ninja on in the tree wanted to gather information on everyone from the dojo raced through Kaoru's mind. The ninja smirked.

"Having a sleepless night, ne Kamiya-san?"

"What I do is none of your business"

"Maa maa, Kamiya-san. The least you can do is to wipe the tears off your face before pretending to be angry. Anyway, you want to know more than just my family name, ne Kamiya-san? Simply said, I'm your enemy, Kamiya-san"

Kaoru blinked her eyes at the Ichijo's proclamation of being her enemy. "Why are you here?"

"What do you think?"

Kaoru brought up the wood the defend herself.

"Not to worry. If I had even thought of touching one strand of your hair, the Battousai would have detected my presence earlier on. In fact, that's why you haven't called others, right? You wanted to KNOW more about the person who caused to the crickets to stop making sounds", Ichijo said.

The woman on the ground stared at the one on the tree branch.

The woman on the branch stood. "Since you have discovered me, I have to go now. It was nice to meet you, Kamiya-san"

"Wait! What do you want from us?"

"Nothing, at least not yet"

"Then why do you spy on us?"

"You will find out soon enough, so it wouldn't matter if you tell the others about me or not" Ichijo almost jumped away when she remembered something. "I'm sorry to say this, Kamiya-san, but during my short period of spying on all of you, I have come to hate you the most"

Kaoru glared at Ichijo, questioning thoughts evident in her eyes

Ichijo noted the question in the other woman's eyes and flashed an almost apologetic smile. "It's not your fault, however. You seem to be a normal person, weak and naïve"

"……"

"But I really don't feel comfortable around you. There's something about you that I don't like. Women's institution, if you know what I mean" Ichijo winked at her.

Kaoru could only blink her eyes as a muted response.

Ichijo jumped off away, allowing her to be swallowed by the darkness of the night. Kaoru just watched, without even making a sound. She thought hard about what she was supposed to do.

"Kaoru-dono?"

Kaoru's heart jumped. She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice Kenshin at the front door. "Kenshin?"

"Sorry. Kaoru-dono, is there anything wrong?" Kenshin knew that something was wrong, but he could not put a finger on it. It was as if someone was there at the dojo compound. Despite the lack of any hostile ki present, Kaoru's current position was proof enough that something took place.

A concerned look from him stabbed at Kaoru's heart, as she knew that he was aware that she was hiding something from him; yet that look told her that he was willing to believe anything that she would say to him. She hung her head as night wind blew her hair.

"There was someone here"

"What?" Kenshin looked around in alarm. "Who was it?"

"One of our enemies"

****************************************

Two days had passed since Kaoru saw the woman ninja and it has been two almost sleepless night for Kenshin. Try as he might, using his contacts in the government, he could not find out whether the enemies were seeking revenge on him or if they had another agenda.

"Don't worry about it Kenshin," Yahiko said as he swept the floor near Kenshin. Even as he say it, a bokken strung across his back, almost never taken off since he was told about the woman ninja. "We can beat them just like we did we the others"

Kenshin looked at Yahiko and smiled at the young warrior. Perhaps the youngster was correct, but in order to defeat the enemy, Kenshin had to find out about him. And he has almost no info on them, except one of them was a woman named Ichijo. "Where's Kaoru-dono, Yahiko?"

"She's torturing lunch in the kitchen while Megumi tries to ensure that she will not poison us"

"Che. I thought Kenshin was cooking today," Sanosuke's voice rang across the room. "I suppose I can't be choosy" He walked toward the two of them. "Any luck in finding them?"

"No," Kenshin answered.

"Well, according to my neighbors, they saw a strange man walking around the neighborhood three days ago"

"Where were you at that the time?" Yahiko asked

"Katsu's friend's place"

"You sleep there?"

"No, dummy. I walked home afterward"

"Uhuh…"

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"What Yahiko wanted to say is that the neighbors could mistake you for a stranger" Kenshin added his thought to the conversation.

"They should", Yahiko said, "as you're only around when you want to sleep. You spend the day practically gambling and mooching off Busu"

"KID, my neighbors may not see me around very much, but there no mistaking my height" Sano put his hand above Yahiko head. "The MAN is about this high. Hmm... Higher than you, so it couldn't be you also either"

Yahiko grumbled and tried to find a suitable retort.

"Lunch is ready," Megumi called out, interrupting the argument between the two of them.

****************************************

Kaoru walked along the river as the evening sun settled itself. This place held special meaning for her. It was the place where she blurted out that she wanted to be with Kenshin forever the day before the battle between Kenshin and Enishi. To which Kenshin replied about the Kamiya dojo being his home after all the years he has been wandering.

But doubt managed to plant itself inside her mind. Wave after wave of enemies sought Kenshin, either for revenge or some wicked design. Kaoru wasn't afraid of her life; she was very concerned about the effect it have on Kenshin. Kenshin had been quiet ever since she told him about the encounter with Ichijo. And it took her every wit to go out for the walk without him knowing. She knew it was dangerous, but she felt that she needed the walk.

She cast her eyes to the ground. Dried leaves were scattered around her. 'The autumn is coming' Kaoru remembered Kenshin saying about the seasons coming and going. As do people in one's life. Her heart felt a stab of sadness and regret as she pondered on what he has said. She realized that she had probably made a mistake by telling him that she wanted to be with him. In a way, she was asking him to be hers, an impossible thing to happen.

She didn't want to be his weakness for his enemies to use, but at the same time she wanted to be with him. One of her hands balled itself and she put it on her heart, as if doing so would relieve the pain. But it was fruitless. A tear rolled down her cheek. She felt lonely.

'The autumn is coming, just like you said, Kenshin. But I'm afraid that it may stay autumn forever'

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Author's notes (17 January 2004)

1. Fujifunmum raised a very valid and good point regarding Kaoru considering Yahiko to be better than she is. I also had a bit of misgiving about putting that part regarding Kaoru's appraisal of Yahiko. To help me decide, I put myself in the same place. Would I feel good about myself if someone has to save me EVERYTIME (Almost. Teaming with a partner against an opponent doesn't improve upon my ego much) I fight where as my student can fight all the time? The answer is No. I would feel like a piece of crap (then again, that's me.  Maybe Kaoru would have thought differently). But, hopefully this piece of Kaoru's revelation will fit in with my overall planning. Like one of my favorite characters' saying, "Disappointment lead me to greater strength"

2. By now, it should be clear that the female ninja in the prolog, the female ninja talking to Ukyo, the woman at the restaurant and Ichijo is the same person.

3. When Ichijo said that Kaoru was the second person to found her out (despite Kaoru's bluff), she didn't mention who the first one was, right? Orochi was the first one to detect her. Megumi? Well, Megumi THOUGHT she saw something (and Ichijo did mention this to Ukyo) when she was in the kitchen with Kenshin in a previous chapter, but she didn't pursue that further.

4. I don't want to mention points mention in 2 and 3 in Chapter 9 as it would have seemed redundant. I don't want to write a soap drama, but important points will be repeated in later chapters, but only if it is necessary to do so.

This chapter was checked by Fujifunmum