Suenagaku na Aki
Chapter 19
Yamagata looked out at the night view of Tokyo from the window of his office, with his hands behind his back. Despite the calm expression he was wearing, his mind was in turmoil. He had received the grave news regarding the defeat of Tawarada Sanji and his men. Orochi made sure that a handful of survivors managed to return to deliver the news. Already, there was an unconfirmed report that a wave of fear was sweeping the Japanese army. A rumor saying that Orochi's men were demons also began to circulate. Yamagata's gloved right hand balled into a fist. "Kso!" He cursed through gritted teeth.
A knock on the door interrupted his inner mussing. "Come in" From the reflection on the windows he could see his assistant coming in with a cup of tea. A whiff of tea permeated inside the room. He smiled. His assistant had prepared the Earl of Grey, a blend of black tea from England he had learned to like. "Put the cup on the table"
As his assistant put down the cup, Yamagata asked him, "Do we have any news regarding Orochi, Sageru?"
"A small town has been captured. According to the description we got from people who managed to escape, the occupiers are the same people that defeated Tawarada"
Yamagata frowned. "I see"
"One of the generals suggested we send a division there to quell the rebel samurais"
The army chief slightly turned his head away from the window. "A division? That many men as opposed to ten of them?"
"To ensure that they will be defeated. Reports from survivors revealed that they were wearing armor that can protect them from our bullets"
"Just like the earlier armor protected swordsmen from earlier guns. How about alternatives? Can't we send swordsmen to defeat them?"
Sageru shook his head. "We will have a hard time assembling experienced and skilled swordsmen"
Yamagata chuckled. Ironically, the Meiji government had caused the shortage of the swordsmen with its policy of disallowing people to carry real swords. This, in turn caused the people to feel safer, with many veterans letting their skills wither and the new generation more preoccupied with foreign culture. He went to the table and took the cup. As the warm and reddish liquid flowed down his throat, his assistant asked him a question.
"How about if we send Battousai there instead? He will be up to the task"
He put the cup down slowly and smiled sadly. Obviously Sageru knew the reason why he didn't like the idea of sending many soldiers to quell to rebel samurais. He needed those men; Orochi might attack and capture important cities such as Tokyo or Kyoto. The result would be disastrous compared to letting the enemy control a small town. Unfortunately, not doing anything to retake the town would be very demoralizing to the army. Then there was another alternative, which was to send Himura instead. Yamagata chuckled. Even if by some miracle he agreed to help, he was needed to defeat Orochi. Yamagata wouldn't admit it to anyone, but having Himura was more important than having 1000 riflemen. He looked at his empty cup. "Enough of this English tea. Bring me the strongest sake we have. Also, prepare a division to retake the town"
Yamagata didn't care if he became an alcoholic.
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Kenshin gazed at the moon longingly. 'Tomoe. Here I am, looking at the moon, trying to find the answers to my question. What would you say about me now? Why did you smile when we met in my dream? What did you want to tell me? What should I do?'
The talk with Yamagata and his entourage a few days ago had left Kenshin with a feeling of an impending doom. The enemy had begun its offensive, and the time was running out for him to decide what he would do. All he knew was that Aoshi and Saitou were already involved. How about him? He looked at the sakabatou hanging by his side. It would be hard to defeat Orochi with that sword. It is not because the sword wasn't good enough, and not because his sword technique wasn't powerful. In fact, Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is one of the most sword powerful techniques ever created. It was that he was tired. He was tired of the never ending fight.
'No, we're not tired of our fight'
'Then, what are we tired of?' Kenshin asked his hitokiri persona.
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With only moonlight passing through the rice paper wall illuminating the dojo, Kaoru performed her kata slowly and quietly. She didn't want the others to know about her practicing, especially Megumi. The female doctor had warned her not to move around too much, fearing that Kaoru could reopen her wounds. But the kendo instructor was bored being confined mostly to her room, mostly doing nothing. To make it worse, even Misao was telling her to take it easy.
As she finished her kata, she momentarily froze as she felt a ki approaching the dojo until she realized that it was Kenshin. She considered running away to her room to pretended sleeping but decided that it was useless as Kenshin probably knew she was in the dojo. A short while later, the dojo door slide open and there he was, the man Kaoru desired to be with.
"You're supposed to be in bed, that that you are" Kenshin said, his face mostly masked by the darkness. However Kaoru felt that his voice was somewhat different.
"Gomen. I can't sleep, so I was running through some kata to clear my mind" Kaoru said. "I did it slowly" she added, wanting to make it clear to Kenshin that she was mindful of her injuries.
Kenshin took a step forward and Kaoru gasped. There was no mistaking the yellowish glow in his eyes. "Kenshin?"
He continued closing the distance between them until they were a meter apart. "Kaoru" He said neutrally.
The young kendo teacher tried to say something but couldn't find her voice. She only nodded apprehensively. The fact that he did not add 'dono' to her name shocked her. Then time slowed to a crawl as she saw his mouth move ever slowly.
"Kaoru, sayonara"
Her eyes became wide. "Kenshin...," she whispered.
"You have been a hospitable host. But the time has come for me to move on with my own life"
Kaoru stood facing him, transfixed, not knowing what to do. But the lump in her heart was becoming too painful to ignore. "Kenshin…. Why?"
"I don't want anyone to be involved in my personal problems"
In response, Kaoru balled her hands and looked down. Her body shook. "What do you mean? It is not your problem alone. Everyone is facing the same threat from Orochi" She looked up in anger. "What makes you think that he is after you alone?"
"He issued a challenge to me. That would count as something" Kenshin wondered why he was still there. He had planned to just say goodbye to her and leave. But now he felt that going away would be hard, and his body felt rooted to the floor.
"That's not true. He challenged the whole of Japan to try and stop him" Kaoru's voice was higher than before. "I understand if you want to fight him" She looked down. "But… will you come back?" she whispered. "Come back to me?"
Kenshin looked at her, not saying anything at all. His sharp gaze caused her to finger her bokken nervously. After a long time, he finally answered her. "No"
"Why?"
"Why must I come back to you? I'm not related to you"
"But…"
"Kaoru-DONO, as I said when you asked me to stay, I am a rurouni and will continue with my wandering. And tonight I am leaving" He turned but was stop stopped by a desperate pull on his gi.
"Please" Kaoru buried her face on his shoulder. "Please return" Sobs began to escape her lips as her tears moistened a few spots on his gi. "I don't care what you do, but please return to me later"
"Why must I do that?" His voice was even.
"Be… because… I love you"
Kenshin turned to look at her and was mesmerized by her pleading eyes. Those were the eyes he found himself drowning in a lot of times. Those were the eyes that narrowed when he made her angry. Those azure orbs were the ones that showed concern whenever he was injured or fell sick. Those were the shining stars that glittered when she laughed at the crazy antics happening in her dojo. And they were shedding tears because of him.
The ex-hitokiri Battousai found himself wanting to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"Kenshin… please promise me you will return…"
He kept quiet, trying to will himself from encircling her with his hands. It was very difficult to keep still. Her raven hair was beckoning for him to bury his head in it, to inhale its scent.
"I… I…I promise to learn to become a proper lady"
His hands rebelled and began to move when he remembered the fight at the temple. He still could remember in detail of how Kaoru nearly got killed trying to save him. He simply wouldn't permit that to happen anymore. Kenshin had to stop his hands. If he failed, he would gather her in them and tell her how he doesn't want to hurt her, telling her that she was fine as she is, and he would return to her. Then it would be very hard, even impossible for him to leave her. He had to do something. Kenshin steeled his nerve and made his decision.
The slap sent Kaoru tumbling on the cold wooden floor. Still standing, Kenshin looked at his hand. It felt numb. Everything else, including his heart also felt numb. The slap was surreal. He continued looking at his hand. It never occurred to him that he would did that to her. Didn't he make the promise to himself that he wouldn't hurt her? 'Kisama! What have I done!'
Dazed, Kaoru put her hand on her cheek. The slap was not that hard, but was left its stinging sensation. "Kenshin…"
Again, he felt the great urge to run to her and begged for forgiveness. He gritted his teeth. He must not do that. He has to get away from her as fast as possible.
"Kenshin?"
"You…" Kenshin felt himself losing control and becoming angry all of the sudden. "WHY DON'T YOU GET WHAT I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU? Don't you get it?" His body became tense.
"What do you… mean?"
He stomped toward her and grabbed her by the gi. Roughly, he yanked her, lifting her body close to him, near to his face. "I am going away, and I vow never to return"
"Why?" Kaoru croaked, tears still falling down her cheeks. "What did I do wrong?"
He looked at her in the eyes and gritted his teeth, "Simple. You're weak. And I hate you for being a weakling. I'm tired of you depending on me all the time, slowing me down" He sneered. "You couldn't even cook and wash clothes properly. What makes you think you can really become a proper lady?" He laughed menacingly. "And despite being a tomboy, you couldn't even hold a candle to other fighters. Even that boy shows more potential than you. I wouldn't be surprised if he can beat you in two years time. Face it, Kaoru-DONO, you're simply useless"
Kaoru's eyes became wide. Then the lights in them began to dim as what he said filtered through. When Kenshin released his hold on her, she fell on the floor unceremoniously.
Kenshin began to walk away when he felt her standing and stopped.
"Kenshin, I am sorry for being such a nuisance to you. But, still, I sincerely wish for your happiness"
He continued walking, not wanting to look at her. He didn't even realize that something was missing from Kaoru's voice. The rurouni left the dojo without looking back.
Author's note (20 July 2005)
1) It's been a while since I updated. I know, but I have been seduced by the dark force's Lord Procrastinate and Lord Picky themselves.
2) Somehow, I really don't know how to proceed with the story. I really know what will happen, what to write, but it wouldn't come out in a timely manner. You probably noticed the delay between this and the previous chapter. Heck, I'm also writing a Ranma fanfiction (haven't published that one yet) and I'm also having the same problem. Well, at least the problem is more acute regarding that other fanfiction.
3) Although I should keep this out of my work, but I have to make a comment on the recent London bombing. I strongly disagree with ALL KINDS OF TERRORISM being committed. I saw in the national geographic show last week about chimpanzees killing chimpanzees from another group in a calculated manner. I thought to myself, "Wow. Maybe we're just sophisticated chimpanzees" Maybe that's a bit dark humor, but I wish we should not repay hatred with hatred.
This chapter was beta read by fujifunmum