Suenagaku na Aki

Chapter 20

As the crack of the dawn, a silhouette was seen making its way to the Kamiya dojo. It hummed merrily, something in hand. As he walk toward the dojo, Yahiko thought about what he was going to do that day as his teacher was recuperating from her injuries. He smiled. There was no way he's going to tell her that he was going to sweep the dojo after practice that day without being told. After all, he has a reputation as a brat to uphold.

He opened the door, expecting the dojo to be empty. He was surprised to see Kaoru standing in the middle of it, staring down at the floor.

"Busu! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in bed"

"Busu? That must be it" Kaoru raised her head. Yahiko was shocked to see the bangs under her eyes. It was evident that she didn't sleep the previous night. A ghostly smile appeared on her lips. "Now I understand why he left"

"Who left?" Yahiko asked. Then his mind reminded him of something that crossed his mind few minutes before. "Where's Kenshin?" Normally Kenshin would be first to awake in the morning and would be in the kitchen, preparing breakfast.

Kaoru didn't answer.

"Where's Kenshin?"

"I am weak. I am weak. I am a weakling" Kaoru mumbled to herself.

"Busu"

Kaoru kept muttering, telling herself how useless she was. Yahiko didn't like what he hear.

"Kaoru?"

"I am weak…"

"KAORU!"

She didn't even look at Yahiko. "He has left. This time he wouldn't be returning"

"Masaka…"

Then Megumi came through the dojo door. She looked very worried. "Here you are, Kaoru. I have been searching for you"

Kaoru didn't say anything.

"You should be resting now"

No answer.

"Kaoru, you're putting stress on your injuries. You might cause them to reopen if you are not careful" Megumi was becoming more agitated by the lack of response from her.

Still no answer.

The doctor played her trump card. "What will Ken-san say if he sees you like this? Do you want to make him worry about you?"

Then the dojo atmosphere began to change. Although Yahiko couldn't read ki yet, he felt as if he was being oppressed by a powerful aura. A quick look at Megumi who had dropped on her knees to the floor confirmed his assumption. And the source of the aura was his teacher whose face was emotionless. Then the aura disappeared as Kaoru put on a fake smile.

"Ne, since Kenshin has left, I supposed Megumi would be in charge of cooking as I couldn't even boil water without burning it. I better go and buy the ingredients at the market" She walked out of the door, leaving Yahiko and Megumi together.

It took two minutes for Megumi to even stand up. But the tremble in her body was still evident. "What happened just now?"

"Kaoru somehow managed to scare both of us without even trying"

"No, stupid! I'm talking about Ken-san! What happened to him that caused her to react like that?"

Yahiko hesitated. "Kenshin left again"

She shook her head. "That baka. When will he return?"

"Oi!" Sano popped his head near the door? Why do you sent Jou-chan to the market to buy the food stuff? Aren't she is supposed to be in bed or something?"

"Sano", Megumi said as she starred at him, "Ken-san has left"

"Huh?" Sano couldn't believe his ears. "To the market? Good, because..."

Megumi punched him as hard as she could. "Can you stop joking right now? Ken-san has left the dojo," she said as she rubbed her painful arn.

Rubbing his cheek, Sano looked at Yahiko for confirmation.

Yahiko looked grim. "When I came just now, I saw Kaoru standing in the middle of this room like a zombie. Then Kaoru said he left. I assume it is to fight that Orochi"

"I saw a group of men talked to Ken-san a few days ago"

The young samurai looked at her before continuing, "Then she said that this time he wouldn't be return"

A loud crashing sound echoed through the wall as Sano's fist went through on the door. Sano looked at his fist, his body shaking in anger. "Kso! This door will be expensive to repair. This is his fault" he said, gritting his teeth.

"Sano…" Megumi said worriedly.

"I'll teach him to leave me behind… ", he thought for a moment before continuing, "I'll make sure that dumb ass red head will come home, even if I have to beat him senseless" He was about to turn when Megumi stopped him.

"What!" He barked.

Megumi walked until their faces were close to each other. "Here" she said as she handed him two tins of medicine. "Itte rasshai, Sano. Come home safely, with Ken-san of course"

Sano blinked, not knowing what to say. Finally he took the tins and gave a thumb up sign. "Itte kimass" Suddenly he leaned and stole a quick and chaste kiss, moving away before Megumi could even respond.

"Sano…" Her expression was soft

"Yeah?"

A scowl appeared on her face "BAKA!"

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Outside the dojo, Aoshi was examining his kodachis while Misao stood beside him with a hurt look.

"You know this will happen. That's why you asked me to come along; to console her. Why didn't you tell me earlier? Don't you trust me?" Misao said accusingly.

He stopped and looked at her before shaking his head slightly. "I didn't expect this to happen. The real reason I brought you here is to reactivate our cell in Tokyo and lead them. You know more about them than me; I was out of touch with them for a long time. We need everyone to be in their toes, because Orochi may attack Tokyo. But now, after what happened, I also want you to keep an eye on her" He looked at a distant place. "Yuri might use the same tactic again"

Misao nodded. "I'll do my best"

He turned his body toward the dojo's gate. "I know you will"

"Be careful"

"I will. I have someone to return to" He gave her one of his rare smile.

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Yahiko watched intently at his teacher as she went through her normal kata. Two days has passed since Kenshin has left them. It was two days since Kaoru changed. All of her sunny disposition had disappeared, being replaced by a mere shadow of her former self.

He really missed her old self, even the part that always hit him in the head whenever he insults her.

As Kaoru's bokken sliced through the air, her young apprentice shuddered. He felt that somehow something was missing from her movement. As the bamboo sword stopped in the midair, Yahiko knew what it was.

The technique lacked any kind of passion.

"Here you are, Yahiko. You should stop hiding under the house, that you should. Kaoru-dono is waiting for you at the dojo"

Yahiko went out of his hiding place and dusted his cloth. "How many times I have told that old hag! I want to learn Hiten Mitsurugiryuu. Not a kiddie sword technique"

"You are a kid"

"Wrong! I am a Tokyo Samurai!"

Kenshin smiled. "Yahiko, you should learn Kamiya Kasshinryu, that you should"

"But, Kenshin! I don't want to…"

The former hitokiri kneeled so that his eyes were at the same level with Yahiko's. "Believe me, although you may think that Kamiya Kasshinryuu is weak, it has something that Hiten Mitsurugiryuu lacks"

"Right… I REALLY believe you"

"It was created from a dream, Yahiko. You can say that the technique is a dream sword technique"

"Dream sword technique! What good is a dream technique when it goes against Hiten Mitsurugiryu's attacks?"

Kenshin paused as he tried to think something to reply.

"It is the user, not the technique that will determine how strong the technique will be" Kenshin changed his approach. "Have you seen Kaoru while she was going through her kata or while fighting?"

"Uhuh"

"Compare her to me when I'm fighting. Can you see the difference?"

"No. Except she was way slower than you"

"Don't worry. Some day you will see it. Anyway, Yahiko, remember this. Dreams are what propel us forward in life, Yahiko, not power"

Yahiko was awestruck.

Kenshin looked at the sky. "Once, there was a boy with a dream. He grew into a teenager and lost that dream" He sighed. "Now, the teenager is a man, a man hoping to rediscover his dream" He put his hand on Yahiko's shoulder and smiled. "Don't make the same mistake as that boy did"

Yahiko nodded

As he looked on, he finally realized the difference. Kaoru put her heart in every technique, as if expressing herself through the techniques. That didn't appear in Kenshin's fighting techniques. Even though his ougi required him to have a strong will to live in order to execute the technique, it didn't manifest itself in the attack. All the attacks were cold and without emotion, as of expected from a killing technique. And looking at Kaoru, Yahiko surmised that her attacks have become as emotionless as Kenshin's.

And it scared him very much.

Then out of the sudden, Kaoru jumped to perform an attack, something that surprised him as he has learnt almost all of Kamiya Kasshinryu's techniques and none of them were aerial attacks.

When the tip of the bokken touched the dojo floor, the nearby area cracked. It was as if it has been attacked by a weaker version of Sano's Futae No Kiwami. Meanwhile, Kaoru remained in her position, not opening her eyes.

"Kaoru!" Yahiko called out after seeing her not moving for a while.

Kaoru opened her eyes, but didn't stand up. Her eyes were emotionless. "You don't have to clean the floor today, Yahiko"

Cautiously, he walked toward her. When he was next to her, he hugged her. "Kaoru, you should allow your injuries to recover. Even though he was just being more stupid as usual, Kenshin wouldn't want to see you in this condition"

Kaoru closed her eyes as her body began to shake. Yahiko expected her to cry and did not expect her to laugh. "Ken…shin…" She said slowly, punctuating every syllable.

"Yes, the dumb rurouni we come to love" Yahiko cringed as he realized that he made a mistake. He shouldn't have used the word 'love'. He didn't know how his teacher would react to it.

"Love?" Kaoru shook her head. She released her hold on the bokken, letting it fall to the floor and looked at her hands. She then turned toward him. "Yahiko, I am frightened" Despite what she said, her voice was even.

"Kaoru…" It really hurt him to see her like this. The first time Kenshin left, she was crying all the time. It was quite easy to bring her out that state. But this time she has acted differently. Both he and Megumi have tried everything that they did the first time around to bring her around, but without success. Megumi has remarked that even if she slapped Kaoru, the assistant shihondai probably wouldn't stop her this time. Kaoru has simply given up.

She put a hand on her heart "I can't feel anything here anymore," she whispered.

"Kaoru!" Yahiko encircled her in his arms out of desperation. "Don't say it"

"…Only…Only the darkness and the loneliness"

"KAORU! SNAP OUT IT!" He shook her body slightly before hugging her even tighter. "You… you're scaring me" he said as he tried to contain the tears from coming out.

"I'm sorry, Yahiko" she said while stroking his head gently.

In response, Yahiko began to cry. "Hit me. Make me clean the floor. Punish me by making me perform 10000 practice stroke. ANYTHING, as long as the Kaoru I know come back" He buried his head on her neck. "Please, Kaoru. I want the real you back"

Kaoru hugged him back. "Yahiko, right now, I don't even know which one is my real self" "And this feeling of emptiness… I…I begin to… enjoy this painful feeling…Have…have I finally lost it? Have I gone mad?" She pushed Yahiko slightly away so that she could see his face. Then she wiped away his tears using the back of her hand.

"Ka..Kaoru…" Yahiko stuttered nervously while trying to form his words.

But a look from his face was enough to tell the young woman what he wanted to say. "Don't worry, Yahiko. I wouldn't do it, I promise" She closed her eyes. "At least for now"

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Author's note (04 August 2005)

1) Another month, and another post. I would like to thank you all for keeping up with me and my inconsistent uploading of new chapters.

2) When I start writing, I was thinking like "Oh, I'm going to write the fourth arc, and there must be a lesson that Kenshin will learn, as he did with the previous arcs" And that something is what I feel Kenshin didn't learn in the "Seishouhen"

lolo popoki --> I was thinking of following the normal way Kenshin will act when he has to make a very decision. But then it would not tally with his darker 'third personality'. In time (I hope) you will probably understand about Kenshin's third personality. When Kaoru begged him not to go, his mind was in a turmoil. So, he has to do something, anything, as long as he could keep her away. Then he got mad at her because he was frustated and felt guilty. So, you can say Kenshin's a bit OOC now.

This chapter was beta read by fujifunmum