This one's more funny. I hope it's funny.
Edit 6/1: Damn I just straight up forgot honorifics for a sec.
When performing mundane chores time just flew by. D-ranks were perhaps the most boring thing he could think of and he wouldn't even mind if it were not for just one thing. They were ninjas. Wasn't there anything else they could be doing? So far it had been something like a couple months, which to be fair was reasonable for building a strong team relationship and practicing some formations, although still; it was boring. But it wasn't all bad. They had a surprising plus-one that he never would have imagined hanging about this frequently. Seriously, what was she doing here?
"Rematch Kakashi, come on."
Anko Mitarashi stood upside down beneath a large oak beckoning to his sensei. Sasuke could see everything unhidden by the orange skirt and he wondered if there were no laws against public indecency in Konoha. The thin metal mesh was not shaded underneath like it had been in the manga and anime. The trenchcoat barely covered anything. He was certainly not complaining, but the children! O, the children. Nah he didn't give a damn.
"Maa, ma, Anko-chan I'm in the middle of training my adorable little Genin. We can play poker later…hmm, you know I could really use five ryo right about now." Anko just grit her teeth and jumped from the tree with a ten-point landing. Sasuke clapped. Naruto joined in as well, but more boisterously. Sakura gave golf claps, clearly disturbed by the women's flagrant disrespect for decency. Anko smiled and gave a flourishing bow.
"Thank you, thank you. Ahem~" she gave a short little cough that was surprisingly girly before her expression morphed into the perfect seductress. She slid around Kakashi…like a snake. Sasuke killed himself sometimes.
"I know you cheated, you naughty boy!" with a whispery giggle in Kakashi's ear that did little to the lackadaisical man. Sasuke could swear he heard two thuds as Naruto and Sakura's jaws hit the floor.
"Nope." Kakashi said, popping the "p". Anko actually growled. Kakashi was a strong, strong man.
"Damn sensei where'd ya find this chick?"
Anko was on Naruto in a flash, glowering down at him. Sheesh, hot and intimidating.
"What was that brat?"
"Uh, I-i mean..Ummm" Naruto flashed him a look and he was quick to deliver the boy an out. Sasuke mouthed, fine young lady. Naruto looked confused.
"Fine dumb lady, why would I say-"
He stopped as he realized that for the millionth time young Naruto Uzumaki had just shoved his own foot in his mouth. Anko looked like an oni of legend. Sasuke put his face in his palms. Sakura gasped.
"Hahaha! You're a funny kid."
Naruto looked like he was about to wet himself. Had she used killing intent? Or maybe she was just that scary to him.
"Anko-chan~", this time Kakashi whispered in her ear, moving quicker than even Sasuke could see. Damn what juice did he drink? How many push-ups did he do? "Please stop scaring my cute little pupils."
"Fine Kakashi get the fuck away from me, lazy pervert."
Kakashi simply turned his back in an exaggerated motion, just beginning to step forward on the path. Something struck Sasuke about the way she said that though. She said it really fast, though her face didn't visibly change at all. If he was reading this right…he made an over exaggerated motion slamming his fist into his palm.
"Ah, I get it."
Everyone looked at him, even Kakashi midstep.
"Waddya get kid?" Anko tilted her head with a nonplussed smile. Sasuke formed a cruel smirk. "You like him, don't you, Anko-san."
Kakashi fumbled for a second, but otherwise regained his composure quickly. Anko's only reaction was an imperceptible, for people sans Sharingan, widening of the pupils. If he hadn't been searching for it he never would have seen it. Things really were slightly different from the story if this was happening in front of him. It did make some sense though, the original manga washed over a lot of interpersonal relationships, and if he remembered correctly they were both direct disciples descended from the Hokage himself so…perhaps they knew each other better than was shown? He shrugged.
"Gotcha'. The evil-eyes see all."
"No."
"Yep."
"No way in hell, I don't…like", she made a show of gagging. "Kakashi."
"Oh, no honorifics?"
"I don't respect him."
"Hmm, but he calls you -chan."
"He's a creep like that, it's all the porn."
Sasuke was now getting annoyed. Anko looked at him with a confident expression as if she had just thoroughly trounced an idiotic notion. Also, Icha-Icha wasn't even that bad. He felt the need to come to Jiraiya's aid.
"Those books are just hokey love stories you know. I mean sure they get pretty graphic but, you're mature enough aren't you?"
"Kakashi…" she turned to Kakashi with a disappointed expression, ignoring Sasuke's barb. "You let him read those things?"
"No, no, no, he was like this before he met me." Anko didn't look impressed as Kakashi flailed about trying to defend his honor.
"In any case you've got a long way to go with romance, kid. Clearly those books have poisoned your mind, and I know a thing or two about poison. You should stay away from dangerous snakes." she said with a hand on her hip, confidently.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes, ignoring the threat. That sounded familiar, yes, actually no way…could it be. He reached inside his robe and pulled out Icha Icha: Innocence flipping to a certain page. Hey he got bored too, and Jiraiya really was one of the better novelists out there. No joke. Everyone simply stared at him as if he had grown a second head but he held up a finger as he found the right page. Oh this was perfect, the ultimate coup d'etat.
"Clearly those scrolls have poisoned your soul, and I know a thing or two about poison. You should stay away from dangerous snakes." a triumphant smile bloomed across his face as Anko just stiffened, her face reddening. "Care to explain?"
He quoted stuff from Warhammer 40k by accident all the time, but now he had the memory to catch on when someone else quoted back at him. He eagerly awaited Anko's response, but she took the coward's way out. She vanished in a swirl of leaves. Kakashi looked dumbstruck.
"I must say Kakashi, nice." Kakashi raised his finger, then lowered it, then raised it again before explosively sighing.
"Maa, whatever. Let's go get the mission done. Tora awaits." well that soured the jovial mood. Everyone hated that cat. Sasuke began singing matchmaker, matchmaker to Naruto's great amusement. Kakashi's shoulders slumped. The man was such an actor, he was clearly amused. The eye-smile said it all.
"So Sasuke on the topic of…love", Sakura said with a giggle. "What type of girl do you like?"
"Hmm." even Kakashi perked up his head at this. Naruto stared him down with clear interest. "Yeah Sasuke, you never talk about girls."
Well that's because my head is filled with women, Naruto. He chuckled to himself. Fine, he'd placate them. He'd already apologized profusely to Sakura, who had taken it as a sign of his interest in her, so he thought to say something which might cement his disinterest.
"Girls like Anko-san." he could hear crickets. Naruto looked at him with a strange expression. Kakashi seemed equally confused.
"Really?"
Sasuke nodded. He looked back to see Sakura's mystified expression. Complete incomprehension.
"Like…her?"
He wondered if this would have any positive effects on her. Then he realized something important. Mimic the attitude not the clothes. MIMIC THE ATTITUDE NOT THE CLOTHES.
Team seven had a wonderfully boring adventure catching Tora, Sasuke could definitely say he had cat scratch fever. He was furiously sick of being scratched. When they got back to the Hokage tower, Naruto was clearly sick of it as well.
"Dammit Ojii! When are we gonna get a real mission!"
"Naruto! Be respectf-" the Hokage cut Iruka off with chuckles and an upraised hand. He took a long draw from his pipe as everyone in the room waited with baited breath. Naruto challenged him defiantly with his eyes. Oh shit it was happening.
"What do you think Kakashi? C-rank?"
Kakashi assumed a thinking pose. His eye wandered to Sakura. Naruto put on a hopeful expression. His eyes wandered to Sakura. Sasuke stared straight ahead. If she was ready, she was ready. Though delaying the chunin exams would probably fuck things astronomically he simply wasn't willing to put the girl, his comrade, at risked. He remembered the last ti- can it. Sasuke closed his eyes. He knew this would happen.
Iruka looked distraught.
"W-we should do it Kakashi-sensei."
And so it was set. Tazuna walked through the door, giving his unimpressive spiel, but Sasuke ignored him. He ran a checklist in his mind. Kakashi sent them home with specific instructions to seal enough food for at least a month and acquire the prerequisite survival tools. Sasuke had been making quite the stash of just about everything he could think of bringing on an op, so he had no trouble with this. He even brought multiple spares anticipating any Naruto related shortsightedness. Seals made quick work of this. Got one-hundred pounds of equipment? Seal it. Need to store four primary and one secondary weapon? Seal 'em. Need your FUBAR stash of alcohol, enough liquor to drown a horse, portable? You guessed it. And then when you're done and you're holding quite a few scrolls, whaddaya do? Seal the scrolls in convenient locations all over your body. He knew how to do two things with sealing over a month of study. Seal and unseal. By gum he was using that incredibly limited knowledge. Your slipping, eloquence. He slapped his cheeks. Bad thoughts go! He shuffled in his combat gear. Running through his arms and armor one last time.
"Getting psyched Sasuke?" he barely turned to greet Naruto, grunting an affirmative.
"This will be the first time I've ever stepped out of the village."
"Me to bud."
They just stood there together waiting. At some point Kakashi had joined them alongside Sakura who took notice of the anxious mood.
"Ready everyone?" Kakashi said in his usual lackadaisical manner.
"Ready!"
"R-ready!"
"..."
"Sasuke?"
He stood there. Memories flitted through his mind of another place, another country, another soldier. The whispering wind rushing through rough mountainous terrain, dry, arid heat across his face. That city. The screams. His comrades, his men, dying, dying, dying…for years. Blood and sand.
"Ready."
This was real. He was here. His name was Sasuke Uchiha. It was time to deploy. It was just like sparring. He repeated that over and over in his head. Just like basics. Mother-
"I'm here!"
Tazuna came running up, saving Sasuke from having to do any explaining. Instead he did with his memories what he always did. He took Bikini Bottom, and pushed it over there! Patrick always made him feel better. And vodka. And dagga. And opium. And hashish.
Damn he was slipping.
"Alright then! Team seven, move out!"
Without further ado they moved. Sasuke ignored the way his hands shook as he realized that for the first time in years; he was on duty.
It wasn't very long until Sasuke could feel a sea breeze caress his features. A few days at most. He had been keeping up his senses, burning the candle on both ends. Constant vigilance which was ground into his very soul. He looked through the trees, he looked in the sky, he looked just above hills and avoided open fields like the plague unless Kakashi said that it was necessary. It was to his great relief that he noticed Kakashi was doing the same. Perhaps they were the same breed afterall. Sasuke could smell it on him, the wariness, he'd been there. It only came from one place he knew of. Hell.
There was a puddle. Sasuke would have never missed it in a million years. Not with the Sharingan. He glanced at Kakashi, who subtly looked back. An imperceptible nod.
In an instant two figures in black cloaks with gray uniforms underneath erupted from the water, wrapping Kakashi in some kind of chain that shredded him. Before the pieces could fall to the ground Sasuke moved. One cut to the left most brother right across the chest drew blood high into the air. He felt the blade sever skin. It was a bad wound, but not untreatable. The man fell to his knees gripping the cut.
"He'll die in ten minutes. Surrender, we have a medic."
The other man was stunned, the weird gas mask apparatus heightening the sound of his panicked breathing as he watched his brother bleed out before him. The chain was attached to him, so he must have known that he could no longer fight effectively. Their forehead protectors showed them as ninja of the mist, though they surely must have added the demon horns for intimidation. He didn't get to make the choice as Kakashi appeared behind him and choked him out. Classic CQC.
"Sakura, attend to the prisoner." he said, she hesitated before rushing over. The medics at the hospital must have given her a real kick in the ass, although he had heard that Anko had taken a shine to the girl. Whatever they did together Sakura wouldn't say, but the results spoke for themselves as a green glow flickered above the enemy. She always blushes when asked.
He kept his blade at the man's throat.
"Move a muscle and you die. Threaten doc in any way and I'll enjoy slitting your throat. Now then. Give me your secrets." the man's eyes widened as he realized that the symbol on Sasuke's armor wasn't for show. His baleful red eyes plunged into the depths of the man's eyes like a fish to the sea, his miniscule consciousness batted aside by Sasuke's will and chakra. Sakura attended to him without blinking, but he could see the fear in her eyes.
"We were sent by Zabuza to intercept the bridge builder. He lies in ambush on the opposite banks near the bridge in case we fail. We were hired by Gato, a shipping merchant, to halt the construction of a bridge that would connect Wave to the Land of Fire for 500,000 Ryo." he said this as if he were asleep, half mumbling, half lucid.
"Sleep." he did. Sasuke looked to Kakashi, who took Tazuna aside with a furious, for kakashi, expression. Naruto was frozen. Sasuke felt his breaths come out in short bursts of hot air. Whether from excitement or fear he did not know.
"Naruto!"
The blond turned to him with a look of shame as the dust settled, turning red in the face.
"Everybody freezes their the first time. Don't worry about it."
Kakashi came back with a nonchalant look and a noise of agreement. He kneeled down to Naruto's level.
"Listen Naruto, Sasuke's right, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of them."
Naruto grit his teeth. Sasuke wondered if he was going to do the thing. Kakashi said something he couldn't agree with more.
"When all else fails, remember your training. Your body will move when your mind will not." hot damn Kakashi's a real mccoy soldier. It was surreal. None of this Maa ma, well, you'll do better next time bullshit. Real, actual advice. Naruto nodded.
"Next time, I'll never back down. I swear! That's my ninja way!" Kakashi's eyes practically glowed with pride. He pat Naruto on the shoulder, who looked very resolute, and motioned Sakura for a status report.
"Stable!"
"Okay squad, form up on me."
We moved into position in front of him, Sakura between them all. Keep your medics safe! He put the other guy in a Genjutsu related sleep. Holy shit that was useful.
"Okay, good news and bad news. Good news, Tazuna here has been very compliant..", read scared shitless, "..and has informed me that the mission is far more complicated than we bargained for."
He held up two fingers.
"We have two options. A, I send out a messenger hawk and within a day or two we get backup from another team. B, we quit and go home. Nothing wrong with that as our village Hasn't been paid the appropriate amount for the dangers of an A-rank mission!" he faux yelled while looking directly at Tazuna who simply flinched backward. "And could have gotten all my students killed."
Even Sasuke turned to look at Tazuna who simply hung his head.
"Why don't we just go on Kakashi-sensei"
Kakashi just started laughing at Naruto, who quickly bristled at the slight.
"Ah, goo-, oh, you were serious." Kakashi gave him a disappointed look. "Naruto, it's an insanely dumb idea to venture into unknown territory, without backup, and without solid information on the enemies numbers and location. I would never take a Genin squad into such a situation that even a full grown Jounin would balk at. Especially when I know an A-rank ninja lies in wait for us. Who knows how many more there could be?"
Oof. Kakashi just gave himself an atomic burn. But thank God, this world actually made sense. He couldn't believe in another world; he did just that. Naruto looked sheepishly recitant in response.
"Alright, so?"
"A."
"A, ya know!"
"...A"
Sakura steeled herself when she said that. Confidence like armor adorned her small form. She'd done well and she knew it, there would be no stopping her now. Naruto was his usual self, couldn't keep the kid down. Used to know a lot of fellas like that. His heart hurt like somebody shoved a knife through it. Oh bother. Kakashi unsealed the messenger bird and they waited while Tazuna clasped his hands and thanked the gods. They camped out a mile back from the ambush and waited. It only took one day for them to arrive. A great green blur stopped in front of Kakashi.
"Yosh! I succeeded in arriving before noon had passed. Haha!"
The sublime green beast of prey himself. Maito Gai. Might Guy. Ole Mighty Guy. Macht Kerl…his name was funny alright.
"Give her here Kakashi!"
Kakashi rolled his visible eye but still firmly clasped Guy's hand in an impressive flex of muscles. Damn, he hadn't really noticed how jacked Kakashi was. But Guy was on another level, he just rippled with vibrant musculature from head to toe. Then another green beast appeared.
"Yosh! I have failed in the challenge sensei. Forty laps around Konoha it is!"
"Yosh Lee, I admire your determination!"
"Guy-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Guy-sensei!"
"Lee!"
They embraced together in an explosion of youth, or whatever that strange philosophy that they both followed was called. Sunset, tears, a rainbow. I mean it was all a Genjutsu obviously, but it was still pretty funny. The other two members of team Guy came rushing up the bend shortly after, vaguely out of breath. There was a snake on Guy's shoulder.
"We're, hah hah, here." Tenten said looking every bit the martial artist. White and red complimented everybody, colors were great! Everybody just wore black or gray before. Like Neji, who said nothing. Oh boy, he was gonna be a doozy. Immediately they sighed at their teammates' antics. With a puff of smoke the snake disappeared, Anko instead sat on Guy's shoulder.
"Oh, you came personally Anko-san?" she just flipped him off and moved to the prisoners disappearing in a cloud of smoke without a word. Kakashi palmed his face.
"Okay Guy, you read the missive right?"
"Come now my eternal rival, what kind of ninja do you think I am!"
"A forgetful one." Guy had the dignity to look sheepish at that. Kakashi clapped his hands together.
"Okay kids mingle as we walk. Team seven, three move out." huh? Team three? Where the hell was that from? He knew he should have gotten those fucking databooks. Oh, what a waste you have the internet, surely the databooks don't have any new information. Sasuke was an idiot.
"So-" Tenten began looking at him with clear interests. Ah, great. The Uchiha charm strikes again. Maybe she just wanted to ask about weapons, but to be frank he dreaded interacting with the opposite sex his own age. Older women just called him cute. Liquor, Mary Jane, I miss you. Call me. She was interrupted by Lee's…well Lee being Lee.
"Yosh, you must be Sasuke Uchiha-san! I heard you were a tough opponent." Lee's eyes held a challenge.
"Sure as shit wouldn't mind a tussle with ya." Sasuke blinked as he registered the sound of his own voice. He'd gotten too relaxed. A burning feeling he didn't like crept onto his cheeks. "I-I mean, yes I'd love to spar."
Everyone looked at him with amusement. The girls giggled, Neji sneered but said nothing. Neji better keep his mouth shut or he won't know what'll hit him. Sasuke sighed. What a great first impression.
"Yosh! It's a deal." Lee's eyes burned with the fires of youth. Neji scoffed and opened his mouth. Tenten was already groaning before he said anything.
"Why bother with a fight you couldn't win." Naruto growled in his defense but kept quiet. He'd grown so much, sniff. Sasuke just fixed the boy with an evil-eyed stare. His challenge was met. Welp, he was supposed to be thirteen after all.
"Does conditioning take a very long time, girly?" Neji turned purple in anger, but could do nothing as all the genin choked back chuckles at his expense. Well, mostly Sakura, Lee, and Tenten. Naruto just laughed. Homie number one!
"Ahh, the fires of youth bring a tear to my eyes."
"Yep."
Tenten looked like she had something to say and glared at both Neji and Lee until Neji huffed and walked faster, clearly pissed. Lee went to flirt with Sakura. Go get her tiger.
"So, Sasuke-san, I see you practice Kenjutsu. What's your style?" her eyes twinkled with curiosity. Alright! Talking shop he could do. He hoped he got the German right.
"Tödliches Schwert, fell blade, I invented it." Tenten just stopped in her tracks.
"You invented it?" he knew she was already on the line hook and sinker, but he liked to savor the catch.
"Hmm, yes. It took some doing but I simply went to the library and copied every style I could get my hands on, wonderful selection they have. I was quite thankful that they seemed to look down on the sword techniques, but combining them was the hard part."
"C-combine?"
"Oh yes. Anything hinting at the spiritual, anything unnecessary or wasteful, I threw out. The result is a perfect killing blade. A fell omen on the battlefield. When I was allowed into the more restricted sections of the library for Genin, hah, boy was I happy. The philosophy is simple." Tenten was practically salivating, this was a brand new martial art she was learning about. It looked like she really was a weapons fanatic. He continued. "Kill the enemy swiftly. An honorable foe deserves a clean death."
"M-may I see it."
Ah, how could he say no. Show off. He asked her to hold out a senbon as they walked, moving her hand into position so she wouldn't be cut by the attack. He didn't notice her redden at the contact.
"Ready?"
She nodded. He funneled chakra into his arms. Feuer. Before the senbon had hit the ground his blade was already back in his sheath. They'd only stopped for a moment, the others just a few feet ahead. The other end of the senbon wafted smoke into the air for a few seconds, the cut was a mirror sheen. Tenten was incredibly flustered.
"That-, that was cool." she hurriedly said walking forward. Wait. Oh shit he'd been too cool. Sakura was staring daggers at Tenten, who ignored everything and walked quickly ahead to the sensei's who both watched, amused. He caught sight of Neji, whose face was twisted in rage and…jealousy? Oh bother. Teenagers.
The boat ride to Wave was uneventful. When they got to a small clearing with a little pond he finally recognized where they were. Oorah, time to go.
Naruto threw a kunai at the white rabbit in the bushes. Kakashi and Guy were immediately on the alert. Neji activated the Byakugan.
"I see nothing."
"Keep it activated, form up on Tazuna."
At Kakashi's order everyone formed a ring around the bridge builder. There wasn't any mist creeping in. It hit him like a truck. Why would Zabuza attack eight ninja at once? Then in a flash a sword appeared from the forest digging itself deep into the ground. Zabuza Momichi stood atop the blade's handle, arms crossed. Nobody moved. Waves of killing intent rolled off the man, Sasuke felt his right hand shaking like a twig, but other than that felt fine. The other genin were petrified, even team Guy.
"Gozu and Meizu." it was clear what was being asked.
"A Konoha stockade."
Kakashi was all business. Any hint of the jovial, if lax, man from before was gone. Guy looked like he was cut from rock. Zabuza didn't flinch.
"It's an honor to meet the copy-ninja and the bloody beast of Konoha."
Guy clenched his fist. He obviously didn't take kindly to the warping of his nickname. Was that what they called him outside Konoha?
"I wish we could say the same, demon of the mist." Zabuza barked out a harsh laugh like that of a wild dog.
"It honors me that Kakashi the lightning cutter knows my moniker. Well, I got a job to do-"
I raised my hand and shouted for him to stop. He hesitated confoundment crossing his face. Kakashi and Guy snapped their heads at him with a look that said, shut the fuck up. But he continued. He knew what Zabuza was here for. He knew what he was going to use Gato's money to do. So he had planned ahead. How do you get a mercenary on your side? You pay him more. Sasuke walked forward while unsealing a scroll which contained a briefcase. Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder, but he whispered trust me, and Kakashi let go after an intense face off; obviously conflicted.
"Listen kid, your life savings is-" he flung the briefcase five feet from Zabuza, who looked like he was grumbling something. When it didn't blow up, he sent a water clone to investigate. Ooo clever.
"I'll take it any-" Zabuza was stopping in his sentences a lot today. The clone looked back to his master, who stood confused. He looked at Sasuke, looked back at the briefcase, glanced again at his master. He flipped through some of the money.
"Holy fuck." he said. As he should, for that briefcase held 1,500,000 Ryo.
"What?!" real Zabuza said.
"One and a half mil. Boss."
"Holy fuck."
Zabuza's eyes were bulging out of his skull. Like a lightning strike he regained control of his features.
Nobles paid a lot for priceless works of art. Years of rent from hundreds of desperate people thankful for housing made tons of money. Records sold like hot cakes when you could play every instrument. His dedication to the arts was more than just a hobby. Just this year he released his third book, a cinch when you could memorize entire plotlines and deliver an absolutely consistent plot, so yeah…he was fucking loaded.
"If you're going to do with that money what I think you're gonna do. I'll give you more."
"Sasuke, you cannot fund a coup without the Hokage's permission!" Kakashi for the first time in Sasuke's life had actually yelled. He swiftly returned to normal though, eyes beaming with pride. "Though yes, this is a fantastic plan."
Everyone, even Zabuza's guard, dropped a little. Evidenced by both clones dispelling, and the real, real, Zabuza appearing from the pond spitting a bamboo shoot out. How did he hear all that shit under there?
"Okay brat, you've got my attention. Terms?"
Oh fuck yes. No one could say no to raw capital. 'Merica had taught him well. When in doubt, bribe it out.
"For the mil and a half, simple, just abandon Gato to our tender mercies and that will be that."
"Gozu and Meizu?" ahh, he cared. Kakashi made a shadow clone and the clone disappeared. He must have kept a summon in Konoha permanently. They waited ten minutes. Kakashi blinked.
"They'll be returned as a sign of good will. Sasuke, the Hokage, gives his blessing."
Zabuza's smile was so frenzied it was visible through the bandages around his mouth.
"Terms?" Sasuke waved nonchalantly.
"What can you give?"
Zabuza stopped and thought about it. For thirty minutes. This was either an amazing display of pressure tactics or he was genuinely conflicted. He didn't have anything? It was mostly just a joke, but Sasuke was curious as to what he would offer.
"Haku!"
At Zabuza's call Haku arrived looking every bit the Mist hunter-nin. Huh?
"Remove your mask."
He did so, but with an obviously trembling hand. Well, obvious to the Sharingan. He was a…boy who looked just over two years older than the Genin. No man should be that pretty. He looked like he should be selling scented soap, not killing people. Was Zabuza about to-
"He has a kekkei genkai, the Ice Release. Will this do." Zabuza's expression was stone cold as he sold what was basically his son. Haku looked at him in shock, tears welling in his eyes. His eyeshadow started dripping. Eyeshadow? That's dedicated.
"Zabuza-sam-"
"Silence." he said with closed eyes.
"Kakashi-sensei?"
Everyone turned to look at him. Kakashi shrugged. Guy shrugged. The kids just stared in amazement. Overall this would be a net benefit for Konoha.
"Now remember Sasuke, slavery is illegal in Konoha. So he'll be your servant. We'll just have to form a contract later."
Kakashi's words didn't seem to make Haku feel any better as tears still streamed down his face.
"He'll obey you absolutely, as if they were my own words."
"Yes."
Sasuke was really struggling here. His red, white, and blue blood screamed at him to can the whole thing. The pragmatic side, also an American philosophy, said jump on it. He did want to save Haku's life, who in his eyes wasn't deserving of the death he received in the manga. Konoha was probably infinitely better than wherever they came from, especially the Mist. He sighed. Strong men make hard choices.
"That's acceptable."
"Uh, this doesn't feel right."
Thank you Naruto for pointing out the obvious.
"Don't worry Naruto, I'm sure that Sasuke wouldn't do anything bad to Haku-san. Indeed, we'll probably just screen him and then put him in the core. Besides, Konoha is a good place for Haku, as acting mediator I swear he'll be treated well."
Kakashi acted like he'd seen this before. Considering the brutality of Naruto's world, Sasuke supposed he probably had. In a world of shifting allegiances, sealing an alliance with a trade of men seemed logical. He could see how that could be disastrous, but it wasn't unheard of.
Zabuza crouched in front of Haku and said something that he couldn't make out. Damn bandages. Haku gave a pained expression. He walked over to them, still crying, but face unmoved. Zabuza had turned from them. Sasuke unsealed more money and flung it over. Zabuza caught it without looking.
"1 million more." he added in a little extra for Haku's sake. "Raise hell!"
Zabuza snorted. He raised his head up, back still facing them.
"HAKU!" the boy looked frozen, as though he were made from ice.
"Goodbye." Zabuza said as he vanished into the mists. Merely a whisper, but they all heard. Haku started sobbing and crouched on the ground. Naruto went to comfort him.
"Hey don't worry about it buddy. To me you're already Konoha nin!"
"Th-thank you, sniff, you are a very nice group of people. Thank you for-, for helping Zabuza-san." Kakashi tapped his shoulder. He turned around.
"On one hand, this is for insubordination." he hit Sasuke upside the head so hard he saw stars. Yeah, he probably deserved that. The Genin gasped and even Guy cringed. Oh, Kakashi must be old-fashioned. "Now on the other hand…I am so proud of you. You secured an ally for Konoha, negotiated an enemy ninja to give up on his mission, and even had the decency to ask for your Jounins consideration when dealing with the situation. Good job."
It was moments like these, where he basked in the glow of success with his superior officer that made him miss the military. And it made him realize that yes, he could change the outcome of events. There was no fate. Nothing was written, everything was permitted. He did have a question though.
"Kakashi-sensei, why did you let me do this?" Kakashi made an amused noise.
"Well, Mist has been a thorn in the Hokage's side for years now. Yagura hasn't deigned to sit in a summit personally for just as long. The Hokage and I agreed that it wouldn't be bad, per se, if someone else took over. Besides, the man is a far worse monster than Zabuza could ever be. I think we have evidence of that." he said that last part in a whisper, glancing at Haku. Damn, the third Hokage don't fuck around. Got an easy solution? Take it. This whole situation reminded him eerily of Afgha-. Motherfuck he'd kept the memories away this long, why now?
"So Haku-san…" Sakura began as they walked to Wave. "Are you really a boy, you're just so pretty."
Tenten nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, you're not very…boylike."
Instead of taking it like the light teasing it was, Haku's eyes twitched over to Sasuke.
"Yes!" he said very quickly, the day's events obviously affecting his cool. Sasuke stopped. No fucking way. He looked at Haku, really looked. He remained impassive under his gaze, except for the fact that Haku would not meet his eyes. Well, he always did say it would suit the story more thematically if Haku had been Naruto's first real love instead of friend. Kishimoto couldn't write his way out of a box. At least this one had no chance of being attracted to him. Now that would be weird.
"Uh, Sasuke-kun?" Tenten said. Sakura looked at him strangely.
"You're a girl?"
"N-no."
"Why did you stutter?"
"I did not."
Sasuke just pointed to his eyes. Haku remained resolute. He shrugged.
"Meh, whatever."
"Yosh, what a hip response Sasuke-kun! So, about that spar."
Sasuke smirked.
Oorah.