19

The feeling of someone gripping her hand startled her, but she didn't look up to see who they were. She didn't want to know, or maybe she already knew, and just didn't want the confirmation. She was led out of the large room with all the beds, down a long, cold hallway. She shivered, feeling tiny bumps raise on her arms and legs from the cold. The flimsy white dress she wore did nothing to keep her warm.

As they approached a large, metal door, the person holding her hand stepped in front of her, his body blocking her view just moments before the door was pushed open and she was dragged into the room. Unlike the hallway, which had been cold and dark, this room was warm — almost too warm. There were thousands of lit candles on every ledge, every table, and every surface available. The man holding her hand stopped next to a large stone table and turned so that he faced her, but all she could see the way the top of his pants. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his jeans had been unbuttoned, but the zipper was still up.

She whimpered as he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her so that her back was facing him. That's when she saw the other men in the room, all of whom weren't wearing any clothes. Their faces were blurry from the tears that burned her eyes.

Almost in perfect unison, they began singing, "Come thee, Child of Mine, take your place at our feet. Come Thee, Child of Mine, feel our love surround your soul. Come Thee, Child of Mine, accept your place on our alter. Come Thee, Child of Mine, surrender your body to the Gathering."

Tears flooded her eyes and she wanted to scream and cry, but she couldn't. Instead, she simply stood there while the man behind her knelt down and placed his hands on the outside of her legs, sliding them up under the white dress she wore. The only thing she was allowed to wear.

Her arms automatically lifted as the dress was stripped off her body, and tossed to the side. The man behind her placed his hands under her armpits and lifted her up, laying her onto the table. One by one her arms were pulled over her head, thick leather straps wrapped around her small, fragile wrists. As they reached for her ankles, she heard herself start crying, but it wasn't until the man who had lifted her onto the table, climbed on top of the table, his nude body covered in thick, red scars, that she heard her cries shift to bloodcurdling screams."

"Bee, honey, wake up," Charlie whispered, and when she snapped her eyes open, she found him kneeling next to her bed, his hands wrapped around her wrists. His face was red, sweaty, and there were two long, claw marks along the left side of his face, and another set on the right side of his neck.

Rosalie was on the other side of the bed, her eyes red and swollen from her tears. Bella could see Esme and Carlisle kneeling next to Edward, who had pressed himself against the farthest wall he could find. The look of horror on his face had her scrambling away from Charlie and rushing into the bathroom between their bedrooms, falling to her knees and grabbed the sides of the toilet, losing the food she and Edward had pigged out on. So much for letting loose and enjoying a night full of carbs, she thought bitterly.

"It's okay, Bee. It's okay."

"It's not okay," she sobbed, pulling away from him when he reached for her elbow. "Please, please, please, don't touch me."

"Okay, I'm sorry, Bee," he whispered, settling on the floor next to her. "You used to not be afraid of my touch."

"I'm not afraid," she whimpered. "I just . . . I don't know, Charlie. I just . . ." She shook her head, dislodging more tears as she moved so that she was sitting with her knees pulled to her chest. "Feels like everything is out of control. I don't . . . I don't even remember going to bed."

"You, um, feel sleep in the kitchen," he said. "After eating all of the apple pie and not sharing any with me, by the way."

She knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but nothing was going to lighten the mood at the moment.

"I carried you up here, put you on top of the bed," he added, knowing she would be worried about who had put their hands on her.

A part of her, and she wasn't sure why she felt this way, was disappointed that it hadn't been Edward who had carried her up to her bedroom, but she kept that thought to herself, and simply nodded, blowing out a deep, shaky breath.

"Are you going to tell me about the dream?"

Her eyes shifted to his.

"You were crying and shaking. You were screaming, Bee."

"I think I may have remembered one of the times they took me into the chapel," she whispered, her arms tightening around her knees. "Felt like I was that little girl. I . . ." She inhaled a sharp breath, exhaling shakily as she shook her head. "How could they do that to us? We were babies, Charlie!"

"I don't know, Bee. I've asked myself that question every day since I realized what we had stumbled upon when we went undercover. Just . . . I just wasn't prepared for that level of depravity."

"Do you regret taking me in?"

"What?" he gasped, his eyes widening. "No, Bee! Of course not."

"Okay."

"Do you really think that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know how I feel. I just . . . Logically, I understand why you didn't tell me. I do. I mean, I'm not an idiot. I didn't know who I was, what they had done to me. How do you tell a little girl that she was tortured and raped when she didn't have those memories? But it's hard, you know, because I've always felt them on me, and I thought there was something wrong with me," she cried, flinching when he automatically reached for her. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," he said, frowning. "Bee, not once in the last twenty-five years have I regretted my decision to take you in. You are my daughter. I just. . . I just didn't want to be another man in your life who hurt you. You were five years old and already lived through a lifetimes worth of pain and heartache. I wanted to protect you, to keep you safe from . . . from him. From people like him."

"I know."

"Maybe I should have told you as you got older. I don't know, Bee. Just when I thought maybe you were strong enough to handle a little more, some little shit at school would get too close and you'd have panic attacks that would last days at times. I thought Ro would help, and she did, but I hated that she felt so responsible for you. You're my daughter, Bee, and all I've ever done is try to keep you safe."

"I don't like feeling so out of control like this. I don't like hiding. I don't like feeling like . . . like when they look at me, they're imagining me as that little girl, and it makes my skin crawl."

"They don't," he said, shaking his head and when she scoffed, he added, "Bee, they don't. I promise."

"Yeah?"

He nodded.

"You told Ro to go to Edward for help."

Charlie's eyes widened, but he didn't reply.

"Why?"

"Because you needed help."

"But why him?"

"Why do you let him hold your hand?"

Bella opened her mouth, only to close it.

"You wouldn't let me come down."

"But why Edward? Why not Carlisle?"

Charlie bit his lip before he said, "Because I knew he would figure out who you were sooner rather than later, and I knew once he did, he would fight until his last breath for you."

"Why did you tell Carlisle I didn't survive?"

"Because I wasn't convinced Marcus was dead, and I thought by keeping you hidden as long as I could, I was protecting you."

Bella nodded. "Why didn't you tell Carlisle you were living in Wyoming?"

Charlie sighed. "I knew he was taking Edward in, Bee, and I was afraid that if I told him where we had settled, that he'd come find me one day, and I wasn't ready to share you with him. With anyone. Still not, if I'm honest."

"You felt threatened by him?" she asked.

"No, just . . ." Charlie paused almost like he was picking his words carefully. "I had always envied him, you know? Esme's amazing and the boys, while a bit rambunctious, were good kids, Bee. I envied him having a family to go home every night, a family to balance life around the job," he said with a bit of a whimpered. "I never thought I'd be blessed with a child of my own. The job . . . Well, the job demanded a lot of time and commitment, but if I'm honest, I never found someone I wanted spend the rest of my life with, and I wasn't going to be one of those men who wasn't there for his kid. And then I found you in the rubble and all I could think about was saving your life, getting you to the hospital. I couldn't leave you alone, even after the doctors told me that they were keeping you sedated for a few days, I never left your side. And then days turned into weeks and, hell, Bee, I didn't think you were going to wake up, but I didn't want you to die alone.

"Then one night, long after the darkness had set in, you opened your eyes. You reached for my hand, which I took, and then called for the nurse, told her to get the doctor. While we waited for the doctor to arrive, the nurse — a real bitchy lady named Karen, of all things, came into your room and started trying to take your vitals, but you started screaming, begging her not to touch you. You practically threw yourself out of the bed and into my arms. I just . . . I just held you, Bee, until you calmed down. In that moment, I knew what I wanted to do. You became my daughter that night, it just took a while longer to make it official."

"And you're sure you don't regret taking me in?"

"Nope," he said. "Never have, never will."

"Charlie," she whispered, before stretching her hand out to him.

He whimpered as he reached out and wrapped his fingers around hers. "I'm sorry I lied to you, Bee. I truly am."

"I'm sorry if I've been a bitch," she cried. "It's just been too much to handle and feels like every time I turned around there is someone in my face. I just needed some time to process, I guess."

"You let Edward close," he pointed out, and when she tried to pull her hand away, he held on tighter. "It's not a judgement, Bee, just an observation. What makes him different?"

"I don't know," she confessed with a shake of her head. "From the moment I saw him inside his office, I . . ." She laughed softly. "I couldn't get him out of my head, and it didn't make sense, because you know I didn't know him. I'd spent like ten minutes in his office, and he mostly dealt with Ro, but I couldn't get him out of my head, but I'm always professional when it comes to work, and after I talked to you, I was focused on my show. Then I saw him."

"He was at your show?"

Bella nodded. "Front row. Him and Emmett. I tried not to look at him, but I found myself glancing at him during my show, and by the end, I was on the verge of a major panic attack. I hurried into my dressing room. Ro followed, of course, I demanded to know if she knew he was going to be there, but she didn't. She almost called you that night, but I ripped her phone out of her hands and threw it against the wall. I'm sure it cost her a pretty hefty sum to get it replaced so quickly."

"She should have called me long before that night."

"Probably."

"Is that why you were so wound up when you called afterward? I could hear it in your voice."

And once again, Bella nodded and brought her hand up to the silver locket that hung around her neck. "He's the only person who has never lied to me."

Charlie flinched.

"Sorry."

"No, you're right. Technically, I did lie to you."

"I just mean . . . He's the only person who . . . who understands the fear I feel every day. He doesn't hold back, and I need to know the truth. The real truth if I hope to survive again."

"Yeah, I guess you do, Bee."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before she heard herself asking, "Did I hurt you?"

"What?"

She gestured toward the left side of his face and then to the right side of his neck. "I did that, right?"

"You did," he confessed, "but I'm fine."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize." Charlie scooted closer to her. "You know I would do anything for you, don't you, Bee?"

She nodded. "I just don't like hurting you."

"It's a couple scratches. I think I'll survive." Charlie reached up and placed his hand on the side of her face. "Think you're ready to go back out there. Edward was . . . Well, I'm sure he'd like to see for himself that you're okay."

Though she was embarrassed, she found herself nodding and allowing her father to pull her to her feet. He wrapped a tentative arm around her shoulder, tucking her against his side before they turned and walked out of the bathroom and back into her bedroom. Esme and Carlisle were still kneeling next to Edward, but by now, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett had joined them and Rosalie. The latter three glanced at her, and it was the first time Alice didn't glare at her, which meant something, even if Bella didn't know what that meant.

"Hey," Edward said, pulling himself out from in between his parents and scrambling to his feet. He reached for her, but then pulled his hand back. "Are . . . are you okay?"

She nodded, doing everything she could to advert her eyes from those inside the room. She held her hand out to him. He looked at it before his eyes met hers and he wrapped his fingers around hers.

"Can we get out of here for a little bit?" she asked, stepping closer and placing her other hand on his chest, feeling him inhale a sharp breath. "I need some fresh air, and maybe not have everyone staring at me like . . . like they are right now. If not, it's okay."

"Take her to the creek," Esme said, pulling everyone's attention to her. She smiled as she stood up. "Take her to the creek, Edward. It'll be okay."

Edward shifted his eyes back to Bella, raising an eyebrow. "Is that okay with you?"

She bit the inside of her lip as she nodded, willing to go anywhere with him, especially if that meant they weren't staring at her.

"Did you pack a coat?"

She shook her head. "Didn't know I would need one."

"She can wear mine." At the sound of Alice's voice, they both turned and looked at her. "I'll leave in on the back of the couch."

Alice turned and walked out of the bedroom with Jasper hurrying after her. Emmett glanced at Rosalie before he, too, followed his brother out of her bedroom and downstairs.

"Bee," Rosalie said, standing up and reaching for her, but pulling her hand back. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Ro. We'll talk later, okay? I just . . . I just need some time to gather myself, get out of my head."

Rosalie simply nodded and followed the others, leaving just Edward, Bella, Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme.

"Okay, well, Edward, make sure you have your phone," Carlisle said, his eyes shifting between the two before he, Esme, and Charlie left the two of them alone.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Edward asked.

"A little embarrassed," she admitted. "If you don't want to go to the creek with me, you don't have to."

"No, I want to," he said quickly. "It was my favorite place to go when I was little."

"Then let's go. I'm just gonna change into something a little warmer, okay?"

Edward nodded and hurried through the bathroom and a moment later she heard the sound of the door close. Bella hurried over and made sure both doors were closed before changing into a pair of jeans, a thick hoodie, and a pair of sneakers. When she opened the door to her bedroom, she found Edward waiting for her. He smiled, sending a shiver throughout her that she didn't understand. Why did he make her feel like this again?

"Are you ready?" he asked, holding his hand out to her again.

"I am," she said, placing her hand on his once more.

Together, they headed downstairs, finding the living room empty — something Bella assumed had more to do with Esme than anything else. Like Alice said, there was a puffy, black coat laying on the back of the couch and she shrugged it on over her hoodie and followed Edward through the kitchen into the garage and over to one of the big four-wheelers. He threw his leg over and looked back over his shoulder at her.

"You coming?"

"It's safe, right?"

"Of course," he scoffed, raising an eyebrow. "Have you never been on one of these?"

She shook her head. "I know this might surprise you, Edward, but I don't take a lot of risks in life."

"I might have noticed, but take this one."

Though, she wasn't sure riding on the back was safe, she found herself placing her foot on the side and climbing on behind him. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling him groan, but when she went to remove her arms from around him, he was quick to grab them and keep them wrapped around him. He turned and looked over his shoulder at her before he started the four-wheeler and pulled out of the garage.

The trip to the creek only took a few minutes, and when he stopped, he was the first to climb off, offering her his hand as he had done so many times. He led her over to where a large tree had fallen and they sat down.

"There used to be a lot more water," he said, gesturing toward the dried up creek bed. "Mom brought me here one afternoon about a year after I came to live with them. They had just started talking about putting me in real school, and I was really struggling with it, so she thought we needed an adventure. She and I played in the water for hours. It was always kind of our place, I guess. As I got older, when we would come out here during the summers, she would read while I wrote in my notebook."

"So she suggested it because she knows it's important to you."

He nodded, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. He turned and looked at her. "You were back there, weren't you?"

Bella felt her shoulders tensed as she scooted back on the tree and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I think so."

He nodded and looked away. "I heard you singing the song, and I knew . . . I knew you were there. I came into your room, was going to make you stop, but then you started crying and screaming and thrashing around, and I grabbed your wrists, tried to wake you up, but it didn't work, so I got Charlie and Rosalie. Figured they might know how to pull you back, so. . ."

"I'm sorry if I scared you."

"You did," he admitted, looking back at her. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Want to? No," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I was being led out of the dorms. It was just me and him. At least, I think it was him. I never got a look at his face. He led me down a hallway. It was cold and I felt goosebumps on my arms and legs. And when he opened the door to the . . . the chapel, it was hot compared to the hallway and bright. Really bright."

"From the candles."

She nodded. "There were men there and they were naked, but their faces were blurred out. He turned me to face them before he put his hands on my legs, and —"

"Took off your dress," he said, his eyes meeting hers. "Tied you down, climbed on top of you."

Slowly, she nodded. "So it was a memory."

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Not your fault my subconscious has decided I need to relive every fucking detail."

He flinched. "Maybe if I hadn't told you about what they did, you still wouldn't know."

"I need to know, Edward. I need to know so I can stop being afraid all the time." She dropped her feet from the tree and stood up, walking a few feet away from him before she turned and looked at him. "I need you to teach me how to fight."

"I'm sorry, you what?" he asked, scrambling to his feet.

"You heard me."

"Bella," he fretted, shaking his head. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

She clenched her hands into fists as she said, "I can't just stay helpless, Edward. What if . . . what if he finds us again? I need to be able to fight back."

"I won't let him hurt you."

"You weren't able to stop him before!" she wailed, watching as he crumbled backward against the tree. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know what you meant."

Bella blew out a deep breath before she walked over to him so that she was standing in between his legs. His hands automatically lifted to her hips as she placed hers on either side of his face. "You can't be with me every second of the day, Edward. It's not possible. You have to teach me to be able to defend myself. I can't . . . I can't leave here in eight days without feeling safer and I'm not going to be able to do that if . . . if I can't at least throw a proper punch."

Edward tightened his grip on her hips as he pushed her backward and stood up. They were so close the front of their bodies were pressed against one another's, a feeling she didn't hate. "I don't want to scare you."

"You won't," she insisted. "There's nobody else I can ask."

"You can ask Charlie."

She shook her head. "He would never put himself in a position where he might hurt me."

"And you think I will?"

"You will if it means keeping me from Marcus Volturi. You're the only one who understands what he will do to me, to us if he finds us, Edward. You know that I can't . . . I can't stop him from . . ." She dropped her hands down to his chest, fisting the front of his jacket. "He'll never stop until he has us back, and I won't go down without a fight. Edward, please, you have to teach me how to fight back."

"Bella," he whispered, his hands tightening even more on her hips.

"Please, Edward," she whimpered. "Please."

"Okay, but if at any point it gets to be too much, you have to swear to me that you will tell me."

"I promise."

Bringing his hand up to her face, he said, "I won't let anyone hurt you again, Bella, but if you need to learn to fight in order to trust me, trust us, I will teach you."

"I do trust you."

"Bella," he whispered as his eyes flickered to her lips for just a moment before he tore himself away from her, taking several steps backward. "I have one condition."

"What?"

He smiled. "You have to sing me one of your songs. One that nobody else has heard."

Bella laughed, biting her bottom lip as she nodded. "You drive a hard bargain, Edward Cullen."

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews. Since apparently, I haven't been very clear in my writing, Bella has never once blamed Charlie for anything that happened to her. Nor is she angry that he took her in. She's hurt that she spent twenty-five years with the agony of feeling people touching her and he never once told her why she felt people's hands on her. Was he right? Maybe, maybe not. But he didn't, and they can't change that. Bella isn't being bitchy, and she has manners, she's just been bombarded with people who know all her dirty little secrets that she didn't even know she had. I think she's justified in feeling a little on edge at the moment. We still have a lot of story to uncover, so either you're onboard or you're not.