Chapter 3: The hands that should help

"Are you okay man? Do you want to buy an appa-"

"Glrgh… Uuurgh!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"

Subaru fell to his knees, not hearing the man yelling at him.

I've failed… I didn't save her - I couldn't even at least give her the insignia…

"Get lost! You'll make my appas look bad!" The man yelled once more.

The appa shop owner again? Why do I keep seeing him…?

Having his shouts being ignored, the man went to the front of his stand to remove Subaru by force. But as Subaru was about to be lifted from the collar, his defensive instincts suddenly kicked in, pushing the man's hands away.

"Stop making a scene and go away already!"

"Ah…! Huh…?"

His body seemed to be working again somewhat properly. When he looked at his stomach, no wound was visible.

Just then, he noticed a small figure passing above him, seemingly flying. It was Felt, and in her hand, much to Subaru's bafflement, was the same exact insignia that he had failed to reach.

"You…"

All this time, he only worsened the silver haired girl's situation. He delayed her search, managed to insult her somehow with the name she gave him, caused her to be taken hostage and then left her to fend for herself against a dangerous threat. But even after all of that, he still hadn't managed to return her cherished insignia, always falling down pathetically and needing to be saved.

He couldn't let the insignia go again. This time, he will be the one doing the saving, and nothing will stand in his way.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY!" Subaru suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs, startling the shop owner.

He didn't know how, but some of his strength returned to him, and he was gonna be damned if he wasn't going to use it to its full extent. Although his current condition was far from perfect, whatever blemishes still present were instantly drowned out by his burning determination.

Shooting webs at nearby buildings amidst the shocked crowd, he swung right after her at an immense speed, his eyes fixated on the insignia she held. The girl was unnaturally fast, but that was nothing compared to Subaru, who quickly closed the distance between them.

"Tsk!"

Noticing that she had been followed, she took a detour through a nearby alley to try and shake her pursuer off. But Subaru wasn't going to let a simple change of route stop him from getting what he wanted.

*Thwip!*

"-!?"

Judging the distance between them to be short enough, Subaru shot webs in her direction, hitting her lower body and binding her legs to one another.

"Whaaa-!?" She screamed as she began to fall, now unable to sustain her momentum. She then prepared herself as much as she could with her restrictions to try and minimize the damage from her landing, however that was unnecessary.

"Hup!" Subaru caught her in mid air, and the two reached the ground safely, although that wasn't without any struggle on Felt's part.

"Let go of me! What the hell is this!?"

"I know I told you that you can come and challenge me anytime, but don't you think it's a bit wrong to do it when I'm in mortal danger!?"

"The fuck are you talking about!? I've never seen you in my life!"

"I don't care whether you remember me or not, just give me the insignia already-!"

He didn't have time for any more arguing, so he cut straight to the point.

"You there, just give us everything you've got on you, and there's no need for anyone to get hurt."

As the two strugglers turned to look at the source of the voice, they could see three familiar figures. Those were the thugs that tried to rob him twice, and it seemed that their goal this time was no different.

"Why do you keep following me? You wanna get webbed again!?"

"What is he going on about?" asked the short one.

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure he's making fun of us." replied the medium sized one. "We'll put you in a world of hurt!"

Subaru got a strange feeling of deja vu from what both they and Felt said, but he didn't stop to ponder about it.

"Listen, it's an emergency, so if you give me the insignia I'll let you go." Subaru said as he turned his gaze to Felt, ignoring the three thugs.

"Over my dead body!" Felt declared, taking out a knife after hiding the insignia in her breast pocket.

Seeing that bargaining didn't work, Subaru changed his approach to a more forceful one, webbing all of her limbs to the ground.

"Let me go! I won't forget this! I'm gonna get out of here, find you and-"

Subaru crouched down to try and extract the insignia from within the mass of webs amidst Felt's cries. But then he could feel a presence behind him not only with his spider sense, but with his sense of hearing as well.

"You've really done it now!"

"Don't think you can just ignore us!"

"We'll kill ya!"

It was the three thugs, who were charging at him while shouting threats.

"Urghh…!"

Subaru just couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know what was happening or where he was, Felt was uncooperative and outright insolent, and the three thugs simply wouldn't leave him alone, as if determined to make his life as hard as possible. He was becoming quite agitated from this whole ordeal.

"I've had it up to here with you!"

He had reached his breaking point, and decided to teach them a lesson once and for all.

Turning around to face the thugs, he launched a devastating punch with all of his strength, its target the short man who was leading the attack. The blow hit him square in the face and sent him flying back. He hit the other two thugs behind him, the impact powerful enough to knock them back a little as well.

"That will show you! Just leave me the fuck alone!"

Subaru resumed his search for the insignia on Felt's webbed body, and with it came more yells of opposition from her. After a short struggle, he finally managed to get it out.

"Good, now to find the girl-"

"Camberley…?" A voice could be heard coming from the thugs' direction.

"What's that? You better not try to get in my way again, you hear me!?" Subaru warned them.

"Camberley! Wake up!"

"Come on, snap out of it! This ain't funny anymore!"

But it seemed that it wasn't Subaru that the thugs were focused on, so he took a closer look to see what the fuss was about despite his limited time. It was the short man, who was lying on the ground, unresponsive to the words of his comrades.

His face had obvious signs of severe trauma, and his head seemed to be twisted in an unnatural position. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, which should be present in any living person, could not be seen on his body.

Subaru's head, who was in a rush seconds before, went blank as he continued to stare at the still man. He couldn't process what was before him.

What's happening…? Why isn't he moving-

"You…! You killed him!" The large man spelled out the thing that he was unable to comprehend.

"W-What…?" The color quickly drained from Subaru's face.

No! I can't… I couldn't have killed him… It must've been-

"You fucking monster! You killed him! Don't hide from the truth!"

"N-No… No…!"

Taking a step back, Subaru started intensely hyperventilating, his head trying to find a reason for what had happened.

I couldn't have killed him-

And yet there he is.

Th-They attacked me first, so I only acted in self defense-

No. This is wrong. Killing is wrong.

What can I do to fix this…!?

There is nothing you can do to fix that. And that's all your fault.

When all of the reasons pointed to him, he turned to look for a justification instead. When none could be found, he sought to find a solution, at the very least. But that search left him empty handed, with nowhere to go.

His conscience wouldn't let him escape from what he had done.

Subaru grabbed his own head with both of his arms, his grip strong enough to pull out some hair, and fell to his knees. Tears started welling in his eyes as he frantically muttered to himself.

"What have I done… What have I done… What have I done…"

"Don't think that your crying will fix any of this! We'll make you pay for that!" The two remaining thugs ran in his direction, set on killing him to avenge their partner.

"No… No…! Stay back…!" Subaru started scrambling in an attempt to further himself from them.

"We're not gonna let you go until you're dead!"

"Ah-! Ahhh!"

Subaru managed to get back on his feet, and began to run. He didn't care where to, he just had to get away from there. The thought of web swinging didn't enter his mind. The only thing he could think of was running, as fast as possible and as far away as possible.

He ran and ran and ran.

Soon he could no longer feel the presence of the thugs behind him, but that didn't stop him. He had to continue running. Nothing else mattered. Main roads, side roads, alleys, he ran through all of them, paying no attention to the people's gazes.

His quickly depleting strength didn't halt his run.

He kept on running, as the frequency of people and tall buildings around him diminished.

Even as he fell to the ground, his legs giving out from exhaustion, in his mind, he was still running.

He didn't bother to cushion his fall; His hands, who were still grasping on to the insignia, didn't have the strength to do so anyway.

Thus Subaru lost his consciousness, finally managing to escape the condemning voice in his head.

"Oh dear, are you alright mister?"

"Ugh…"

Subaru opened his eyes, but squinted immediately after from the sunlight entering them. The time appeared to be sunset, and the lack of buildings to block the light indicated that he was currently in the outskirts of the slums.

He then remembered what had happened beforehand, and a sick feeling emerged within him.

"What have I done…?" He muttered in a shaking voice.

"Excuse me mister, I couldn't help but notice the insignia you're holding. Are you perchance working with Felt?" The voice that woke him up called to him again to ask him something.

Subaru turned to face its bearer, but when he saw who it was, he froze in place, his eyes widening in fear.

"Ah-!"

Subaru let out a small voice, as the person standing next to him looked at him in confusion.

It was Elsa, the Prowler of Guts that had attacked him and the silver haired girl twice, seemingly killing the two each time.

"You don't have to act so scared. I won't do anything to you."

Coming from her, that statement didn't calm Subaru down at all, and he let out another frightened squeal.

"Why are you so terrified of me, I wonder…? From your reaction, it doesn't seem that you're working with her. Did you happen to just find it by accident, perhaps?"

Her question was met only by Subaru's continuous terrified gaze.

"Hmm… Not that either, it seems. Don't tell me…" Her tone suddenly radiated an ominous tension, and her eyes bore into him intensely, as if trying to find out the truth simply by looking at him.

"You don't happen to be with its owner, do you?"

Subaru could feel his spider-sense alerting him of the immense danger present, although he already knew of it himself.

"No… No!"

But even though Subaru denied it, it was evident Elsa knew that she hit the mark perfectly.

"I see… So that's how it is…" She said in a low voice, a sadistic smile taking over her face.

"Ah-!"

"...Oh, it looks like you managed to dodge that one." she said, her head tilted in surprise.

Even though his mind was frozen in fear, his instincts dictated that he roll to the side. Thanks to that, he was able to avoid the blade that was swung at him from above.

"Ahhh!"

It was happening all over again. Every time he encountered her she had butchered him, and showed no signs of remorse for doing so. She was a monster, prowling on easy prey that happened to stumble before her; No, that was only from his perspective. Although she was incredibly strong herself, she was probably capable of slaughtering enemies much stronger and faster than her. Her cruel cunningness was what made her so deadly - she was constantly analyzing her surroundings for information and opportunities, and not being afraid to use them.

But that wasn't the part that Subaru feared the most about her. It was the expression she wore while killing that made her so terrifying. Although cold and calculated, she was equally fierce and feral, enjoying every single moment of her hunt. And she wasn't satisfied with simply killing him. She was obsessed with his innards, always aiming for his abdomen. Even the attack he just dodged was aimed there, and it seemed that she will continue doing so until she succeeds.

Moments before, Subaru had felt as if he could accept death with open arms. But now, looking at Elsa's face elated with anticipation, he didn't want to die one bit. Not like this. The immeasurable pain that came with it reminded him why it should be avoided at all costs.

"No…! Go away…!"

Subaru cried out in a trembling voice while repeatedly shooting webs in her direction, desperate to prevent another attack from her, or at least slow her down. He managed to stick her blade to her hand and root one of her feet in place, but other than that the webs either hit her in places that didn't obstruct her movement or missed entirely.

"Oh? What's this?" She called out in a confused but somewhat intrigued tone.

But Subaru didn't stop to answer her, focusing entirely on furthering his distance from her. He desperately half-ran-half-crawled away, tearful words and whimpers continuing to pour out of his mouth.

"No… I don't want to die…! I don't want to die…! I don't want to die…!"

Denying such a death, he grasped for whatever possibility that might let him keep his life.

"I don't want to die…!"

It was pathetic. Repulsive.

"I don't want to… die…!"

It could be called only a truly shameful sight. Anyone would avert their eyes at the spectacle and scoff at him.

"I don't… want to… die…!"

After what he'd done, he could not cling to life like this and hold on to his dignity as a human, too.

"I don't-!"

*Thump*

Subaru's crazed ramblings were cut short by a sharp impact on his back, from which searing pain started emanating.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you get away."

He could hear Elsa's voice coming from where she was supposedly immobilized.

"I would have liked to present you to Mother if possible, or at least have a good look at your bowels while you were still alive. Honestly, why did you make me have to aim for your back?"

The pain of the blade embedded in Subaru's back was excruciating, robbing him of his will to try to escape. He collapsed from his crawling position, no longer able to feel the lower part of his body, and let go of the insignia he was holding.

But although the pain was unbearable and his death imminent, Subaru's head became surprisingly clear. It was specifically because his death was inevitable that the thought of running away disappeared from his head, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

As he laid on the floor, he could see his tattered hands before him. These very hands that have killed have been worn down from trying to avoid the Prowler of Guts returning the favor.

Subaru's eyes, which started losing their color, began to fill up with tears.

I'm sorry, Dad. You were wrong… I'm not anywhere near being Spider-Man. And I never will be…! These hands were meant to help people… But I do the opposite. I weigh them down, I hurt them, I get them hurt, I even kill them myself!

He let out a few sobs, vomiting blood with each one.

And after that what do I do!? I run away, I cower and I cry! I commit atrocities and hide from their consequences!

"..."

Spider-Man is meant to help people, but all I do is bring upon their deaths. I'm no hero. I'm just a cowardly villain. A villain that deserves a death much worse than this.

And so, the death that he longed for finally accepted him.

"Are you okay man?"

He could hear the voice of a man calling out to him.

"Do you want to buy an appa-"

"Glrgh… Uuurgh!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"

The voice that seemed worried for him at first quickly turned into an angry yell as Subaru could feel his stomach being emptied of its contents once more.

What…? Why am I here again…? Why am I alive…?

"Get lost! You'll make my appas look bad!"

But Subaru kept staring at the ground where he had thrown up, seemingly unfazed by what he had just done. He didn't understand anything. This time, he was sure that he had died - He wasn't focused on anything else. So why did he keep returning to this place? The world would be a better place without him, so why, why couldn't he just stay dead?

"Didn't you hear me? I told you to go away, so go away already!"

Just like the time before, the shop keeper, who was the one calling out to him, approached Subaru in an attempt to move him away.

But as he got near, Subaru's desolate face was suddenly taken over by fear.

"No… Stay back…! I'll only hurt you…!"

But his weak reply didn't stop the shop owner's approach. Subaru backed away from him, but ended up bumping into a different person, triggering another fearful response.

He was now in the middle of a giant crowd, all of the people in it looking at him in confusion and disgust. Whispers could be heard everywhere between them.

"Ah…!"

He had to go as far away as possible from them, so that they could be safe from a murderer like him.

As he began running to a nearby alley to avoid the crowd, it suddenly hit him. The solution was staring him in the face the entire time.

There was something that he could do. He had the chance to finally set everything straight.

"Guards!" He shouted at the top of his voice. "Police! Someone, please come…!"

He reached the alley, gaining countless suspicious looks on the way, but no one seemed to heed his call.

If this doesn't work, I… I don't know what I'll do…

"Hello there! What seems to be the problem?"

Just as he began doubting his idea, a voice from behind called out to him. Subaru turned around and saw a figure wearing formal clothes and carrying a large sword on his hip. That was all he needed to see in order to know that his request had been fulfilled.

"Thank god…"

He knelt down before the figure and presented both of his arms to him while wearing a smile. However, that smile was not one of innocent happiness, but that of a broken man, desperate for salvation.

"I would like to turn myself in."

Subaru said in a shaking voice, his smile twisting further into madness.

To be continued…

That's one hell of a cliffhanger! I decided to add a snippet of the next loop(?) to this chapter for some extra suspense.

This chapter was quite shorter in comparison to the others I wrote. That was partly because nothing new was introduced, so I didn't have to dedicate a paragraph to describe each new character or location. But that's also because there wasn't a lot of dialogue - half of it was just Subaru making weird noises.

And to think that when my script was in beta, I was planning to kill him off to the thugs! What the hell was I thinking!? Thank god I came up with the idea of Subaru giving the thugs an inside view of devastation™. It really helps him suff-I mean, grow as a character.

This was all thanks to the feedback I received. I was suggested to differentiate between this story and the original one, and as you can see, they get more distinct with every chapter!

That is exactly why, and I can't stress this enough, any feedback is welcome. It can be a simple "X was amazing" or "Y isn't really good". I would like to know how each chapter is received so I can know whether I should continue writing in a certain way or change something.

Plus, getting feedback helps me feel your presence as readers and keeps me motivated, so I might just speed up my pace if I see that people are enjoying it :)

In the next chapter you'll see how Subaru deals with his current situation, so stay tuned!

Till next time!