Once again warnings for mentions of miscarriage and grief.

Chapter 74

"I'm not sure where Robards expects us to put all this… junk." Ron kicked a box of broken sneak-a-scopes, the noise echoing throughout the small storage cupboard he and Harry were standing in. It was one of the many boxes they'd spent the morning unloading — for what, Ron had no idea.

Three weeks ago, they were on a mission to locate the Black Robes, and now, after that short-lived excitement, they were back to sorting through broken devices.

Just their luck.

Harry chuckled. "Something for us to do, I suppose. Can't be out and busy all day, can we?"

"Yes, a perfect task for fully qualified Aurors with a few years experience under their belts," Ron said. "Could have at least handed sorting to one of the trainees and we could have gone back to —"

"Sitting at our desks with a stack of paperwork?" Harry said. When Ron said nothing, he added, "You keep complaining about wanting to do more, so —" he spread his arms, "here's more."

"This is not exactly what I had in mind, is it?" Ron replied irritably. "So much for the missions."

"Yeah, well, there's not much we can do until we get more information, can we? Besides, it's not just us that needs to go and do stuff. He's got to give the others a shot. Dean is itching to get out on the field."

Ron sighed, realising that Harry was right. The others did deserve a go at being proper Aurors, and while they only had one job to focus on, their time needed to be divided between them. Still, with everything going around his brain at the moment, the distraction of another mission would be nice.

Not that he actually wanted to leave Hermione right now.

Harry paused from unloading the sneak-a-scopes onto shelves and looked at Ron. "I know you're unhappy here. You've implied it more than once, and I can see it every day you come into work, especially in the last few weeks."

Ron averted his gaze from Harry and picked up a handful of sneak-a-scope parts. "I'm not unhappy!" he said, perhaps a little too quickly. "It's just been… the last few weeks have had a lot going on. That's all."

"Like what?" Harry questioned. He'd been trying to get out of Ron what had been going on with him and Hermione for a while now, but Ron wouldn't tell him. Not because he didn't want to — someone to talk to other than Hermione would be good — but because he didn't know how to say it. Every time he thought of telling his friend, the words caught in his throat, he'd feel the hot sensation of tears forming, and he'd go quiet.

This was the biggest thing that had ever happened to them, and despite all they'd been through in their lives, this was easily the most challenging.

He still hadn't figured out how to handle it on his own.

"Just… stuff," Ron answered when Harry's gaze remained on him. "It's not your business."

Harry raised an eyebrow but said nothing else. He shook his head a moment later and returned to what he was doing. After a few more moments, he stood up straight again and looked back at Ron. "You'd tell me if it was something bad, wouldn't you? I mean… Hermione's okay, isn't she? Don't think I haven't noticed she hasn't been at work."

He sounded worried now, and once again Ron was overcome with a desire to just tell Harry what had happened. To help Harry understand that in this moment, he didn't care about sorting stupid broken sneak-a-scopes.

"She's fine," he said shortly. "Just a bit unwell. But she's fine." A blatant lie. Hermione wasn't fine and neither was Ron.

Harry nodded and once more returned to his work. Ron picked up a few things and tossed them into boxes carelessly. It was getting stuffy in this room, and he almost felt as if he wanted to be sitting behind his desk again. At least he had room to breathe there.

He was just about ready to pack it in when Harry said, "Well, I've got some news that just might make you feel a little better."

"Oh, really?" Ron answered bitterly. "And what's that? You've been promoted to second in charge or something?"

Harry blinked, his smile faltering. "No… no, I haven't."

"Then what is it?" Ron pressed. He knew he was being rude, but he didn't really care. He couldn't care. It took up too much of his energy right now.

"Well..." and Harry looked a little uncomfortable now. "Well, I've been meaning to tell you for a bit now, but you've always been in a bit of a foul mood, so I've kept putting it off… but… well, the reason Ginny hasn't been playing Quidditch is because she's, er, pregnant. We're having a baby." He grinned.

Ron just stared, his heart thumping against his chest so loudly he was sure Harry could hear it. He didn't speak, he didn't do anything but just stare at Harry. The object he was holding — he didn't even know what it was — slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor. Harry's grin died again.

"Well, that's not the reaction I was hoping for," he said.

Ron suddenly felt cold, weak, and there was a small part in his brain that told him he was supposed to feel happy in this moment, but… he couldn't quite bring himself to feel it. All his mind could think about was Hermione, and what she was going through — what they were going through.

Harry stood there, as if still waiting for Ron to suddenly hug him. He could only imagine how it might have looked to Harry — his best friend and brother-in-law, the one person he'd probably been dying to tell — staring blankly back at him with no offer of congratulations. Ron wanted to be happy, or at least fake it because he knew it wasn't Harry's fault he was going through something so terrible, but he just couldn't will his mouth to speak any words. Or his body to feel any form of joy.

The silence dragged on for longer than Ron wanted. His hands trembled at his side and he… he felt the need to hold back tears again, like he had so many other times before. But this time, they didn't stay put.

He brushed at his face, trying to hide it. But Harry saw, and rather than showing sympathy or concern, he seemed angry.

"Listen, mate, I thought we were past the whole 'she's my sister' thing. Ginny and I have been married for longer than you and Hermione have and —"

Ron just shook his head, wiping at his face again as the tears escaped. He couldn't stop it. It had been building up for weeks, desperate to fall, but he'd always pushed it aside in favour of caring for Hermione. But now he felt it all, standing in a small storage room with his best friend who'd told him what was probably the most exciting news he'd ever had to share. And all Ron could do in return was feel a coldness, a devastation like no other. Was this how Hermione had felt when the doctors told her?

Harry's anger vanished as quickly as it came. Now that he could see the tears pouring from Ron, he looked stunned. And for the first time in three weeks, Ron cried. He sobbed, really, burying his face into his hands and collapsing against one of the walls and sinking to the floor.

He felt like the biggest idiot doing it, but he couldn't contain it anymore. He simply had no control after doing his best to be there for Hermione for so long.

"Ron —" Harry began. "Are you… are you alright?"

Ron just shook his head again, allowing himself to let go of everything that he'd been keeping in. All the times he'd told himself it was different for him because he hadn't known; all the times he'd wanted to cry but couldn't because Hermione needed him to keep it together.

It was too much now.

"Ron —" Harry tried again, sounding very uncomfortable. "I didn't think it would upset you —"

But Ron shook his head for a third time. He couldn't speak, he just cried. Deep, heartfelt sobs that echoed around the small room.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, seeming to finally understand that this wasn't about what he'd just said. "Ron?"

Ron swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat and looked up. There was concern on Harry's face now. Genuine, real concern for his crying friend. He closed his eyes, feeling the tears falling. He couldn't tell him now, could he? It seemed so wrong to make this about him, when it shouldn't have been. But Harry seemed willing to listen, so in a soft, shaky voice, he said, "We lost our baby. One… one we really, really wanted."

Colour drained from Harry's face. "What? When? I don't —" Realisation seemed to come to him then, and he slid down the opposite wall and looked at Ron. "Merlin, Ron. I knew something was going on, but I didn't realise it was that. I just thought… If I'd known, I wouldn't have —" He spoke softly, understanding.

"It's not something I wanted to share," Ron said weakly. He rubbed his eyes, doing his best to stop the tears. But they seemed to have a mind of their own, rolling fast and freely down his face now that he'd said the words out loud.

Harry said nothing for a long while. He watched Ron, lost and confused about what to say, his own excitement non-existent. "I'm incredibly sorry," he said eventually. "I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. You and Hermione..."

Ron said nothing. He just nodded, acknowledging that he'd heard.

"All those things I said before, mate, about… I'm sorry."

"And I'm sorry for… this… when I should be thrilled for both of you."

"I can kind of understand why you're not. I really wish I hadn't said anything… I should have guessed…"

"It's not your fault," Ron replied, his voice strained. "It was just something we had to deal with by ourselves first."

"Absolutely," Harry said. "I understand…" He didn't seem to know what to say next, so they both just sat there; Ron wiping at his eyes again, choking on his own sobs every so often, and Harry just watching.

After a while, Harry came to join Ron on his side of the room and placed an arm across his shoulders.

Ron appreciated the comfort, knowing that someone was there… for him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry said softly. "If you do, I'm all ears and I've got all day."

Wiping his face once again, Ron nodded. "Yeah… yeah… maybe. Hermione… she finds it hard to talk about."

Harry nodded, but said nothing. He just waited.

"She went into denial about it," Ron continued. "Pretending nothing was wrong, that she was okay, but…"

"She wasn't okay?" Harry guessed. "I mean, she's not okay?"

Ron shook his head. "She was devastated. She… it took months for her to even get pregnant. Since January. That's when we started trying. There were many months of disappointment before it even happened."

"I had no idea you guys were even at that place yet," Harry said. "Wanting kids, I mean."

"We weren't going to tell anyone until it happened. I stupidly thought that would take a month, maybe two. Then as the months wore on, it became harder to accept that nothing was happening and there was no way I was telling anyone. You know what my family's like. They'd probably say it's my fault or something."

Harry nodded. "So, you both really wanted to have a baby?"

Ron nodded, wiping away more tears. "I thought it was me more than her. Sometimes I even felt guilty, because I thought maybe I'd pushed her into doing something she wasn't quite ready for; but I realise now that she wanted it just as much as I did. It just felt like the right time for us. We had good jobs, a house, we were ready. We were so ready." He shook his head.

Harry's grip on him tightened. He didn't speak for a while, then said, "I know this will be hard to hear now, but… it doesn't mean you'll never be able to have a baby. It just means…" He trailed off.

"I honestly don't know if Hermione wants to put herself through it again," Ron confessed. It wasn't something he'd thought long and hard about, but something he realised he'd subconsciously accepted. And he wouldn't blame Hermione if she didn't. "That, and it taking so long for it to even happen... she seemed okay through it all, you know? Kept saying it was normal for it to take time, but by the end, I think even she was starting to get a little worried."

"But it did happen eventually," Harry surmised. "You must have been thrilled."

"I didn't even know," Ron said. "She found out the day all that Black Robe stuff went down a few weeks ago. She was going to tell me after the mission. But…" He broke down again, feeling like a complete fool for doing so.

Harry squeezed him tightly.

"It broke Hermione," Ron continued. "I've never seen anything break her as much as losing our baby did. It took me by surprise by how strongly she reacted. She'd listened to the heartbeat every night after I'd gone to bed. I think… I think in that week, when it had just been her and our baby, she'd fallen completely in love. For her, it was like losing a child that she'd known and loved for years."

"It probably is exactly like that for her," Harry said. "I suppose that's not something you or I can ever truly understand."

"I wish I could," Ron said. "I really wish I could. I wish I could bear some of the weight she is carrying with this. Take her pain away. I've tried."

"And neglected your own feelings in the meantime," Harry observed. "You have every right to feel the loss as much as she does. You've kept it together pretty well considering, when I'm guessing you've just wanted to fall apart."

Ron bowed his head, swallowing hard. Harry was right, of course. He'd not allowed himself to feel anything or grieve properly. Hermione's needs had come first for him — and he did not regret that — but he'd been hanging by a unicorn hair, doing his best to support her, while everyday, it had just built up until it had become too much for him to take. Until Harry had said that he was having a baby.

"It may not seem like it," Ron said, "but I am thrilled for you and Ginny. That's such great news."

Harry laughed at that. "I just wish I'd been a bit more tactful in telling you. But thank you, we're both excited."

"What does that mean for Quidditch with Ginny?" Ron then asked, feeling himself calm ever so slightly. It had felt good to say it out loud finally. To tell someone who wasn't going to break down alongside him.

"There's a very strict rule. She can't play until six weeks after giving birth. A standard rule that has been in place for centuries. So, she's at home, sulking over that because she has nothing to do and has to see me every day now, but I think she's actually quite pleased about it."

"Sounds like you weren't expecting it," Ron said, doing his best to keep his voice even, calm. He didn't want to cry again.

Harry grimaced, like he didn't want to confirm, but Ron could tell it was the truth. "Yeah, well… when you only see your wife every so often, it's difficult to keep track of all the enchantments and when they expire."

"Must be nice," Ron commented, leaning his head against the wall of the storeroom. "For it to be unexpected for you. You'll have to tell me what it's like being a dad."

Harry looked very guilty. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he found the right words. "You'll get to know yourself one day," he said. "And when it does, our son and your child will be the best of friends. Cousins and friends and they'll love each other just as much as I love you and Hermione."

"Son?" Ron said, smiling despite himself.

"Yeah," Harry said, grinning. "I didn't mention before — you're going to get your very first nephew. We're having a little boy."

This news genuinely delighted Ron. He smiled again. "That's really great, Harry. And I'll go and see Ginny later, too. Just… can you do me one favour?"

"Don't tell Hermione?" Harry guessed.

Ron nodded. "I just don't think she's quite ready for news like that just yet."

...

It surprised Ron how much his mood improved after he'd told Harry everything that was on his mind. It felt good to have had someone listen to him and be understanding about it and not make any judgements.

There was so much he'd been bottling up and refraining from saying and he hadn't even realised. He'd thought his grief was for Hermione, feeling her loss and devastation, but he realised now that he had a lot of his own to deal with, too. And now he needed to find acceptance, too. It had happened, and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Him knowing wouldn't have changed that; him being with her wouldn't have either.

Nothing could have prevented this from happening to them. He knew that, he understood that, and now he felt he was starting to accept that.

The remainder of the day had gone quickly, but Ron was eager to get home and check on Hermione. She really was getting better each day, but after what had happened with Malfoy in her office, Ron had strongly encouraged her not to set foot in the Ministry until she was definitely feeling up to it. Surprisingly, she'd agreed, and had used her time at home to — Ron suspected a lot of crying and contemplation as well — take time for herself.

When he stepped out of the fireplace, the first thing he noticed was voices coming from the kitchen. There were other people here, and he wasn't sure what to make of that. But he followed the sound, until laying eyes on Hermione at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in front of her and… Ginny.

Oh no, he thought, looking between them. Had Ginny taken it upon herself to drop by and share her news with Hermione? She'd known Hermione would be home, and if Harry had told Ron today, then maybe it had been in Ginny's plans to tell Hermione and Harry hadn't gotten a message to her.

A moment later he realised that they were both smiling, and he knew that Ginny hadn't said anything, because Hermione's smile was genuine.

They both looked up upon his approach.

"Hey!" Hermione said, and she sounded pleasantly… happy.

Ron blinked. "Hey," he said. "Hey, Gin."

"Hi," Ginny said.

Ron stared between them, trying to work out what he should say next. He didn't want to incriminate Ginny if she hadn't said anything, but why else would she be here? It was too much of a coincidence.

"Ron," Ginny said after a moment, "I'm really sorry for both of you. I can't even begin to imagine how tough it's been for you, dealing with this on your own."

Hermione stared down at her half-drunk cup of tea. Ron patted her shoulder comfortingly. He then looked at his sister, keeping his surprise to himself. He'd been with Harry practically all day. When had Harry had the chance to speak to her?

"Yeah," he said eventually. "It hasn't been easy. Thanks, Ginny. That means a lot."

Ginny gave a genuine smile and then stood up. "Harry told me on his break and I couldn't get it out of my mind. I just wanted to make sure you were both okay."

"We're okay," Ron assured her. "It happens more than you think." He smiled at her and she returned it.

"I'll see you later," Ginny said, and Ron followed her from the kitchen and into the living room. She stopped in front of the fireplace and turned to Ron.

"She seems okay," she said. "Devastated, I know, but…"

"She's okay," Ron said.

"And you? Harry told me how it all came out today, that you'd been trying to keep it together —"

"Yeah, I'm okay, too," Ron replied, and he smiled at her. "I just needed a friend, I think."

Ginny nodded and looked up at Ron, seeming to be searching for what to say next. She seemed rather upset. "Ron, I'm really, really sorry for you both. If there's anything I can do —"

"Don't you have your own things to be focusing on now?" Ron cut in before she could finish her sentence. Harry had asked the same question. There was nothing either of them could do. "What are you going to be doing with all your free time?"

A smile played at the corners of Ginny's mouth, and Ron could see her desperately trying to hide it.

"Be happy," Ron said. "You deserve to be happy. I'm delighted for you and Harry."

"Thanks, Ron," Ginny said, and this time she did smile. "I am happy. And I didn't say anything to Hermione. Just… tell her when you think she's ready."

Ron nodded and stepped forward to hug his sister. "See you," he said. He stepped back and watched as his sister vanished in a roar of green flames, and then turned to find Hermione standing in the entrance of the living room.

"How was your day?" he said, opening his arms for her to come over to him. She obliged.

"Good, actually," she said. "Ginny coming over… Ginny was really good about it. Put a perspective on it all. And she was really understanding. What are you not supposed to tell me?"

Ron froze and she pulled away. Hermione stared up at him.

"Nothing," he said. "It's nothing."

"Ron, please don't keep things from me. I can handle it."

Ron hesitated. He really didn't think she could. It was too soon. But she was staring at him so intently that he knew she wouldn't let it go until he told her.

"Ginny's pregnant," he said hurriedly.

He watched as she tried to contain herself, to show that she wasn't bothered by it. But she didn't do a very good job. "Oh."

"They understand," Ron pressed. "I mean, they're happy, of course, but they're not going to rub it in."

To his surprise, Hermione smiled ever so slightly. "And here we are spoiling their happiness with our misery."

Despite the conversation, Ron also smiled. "Yeah, you should talk to Harry about that. He wanted to tell me the news and what did I do in response? Had a total breakdown in a storeroom."

Hermione's smile vanished. "What?"

"Oh, just… well… well… it kind of hit me today. All of it. Just everything that's happened. Harry was there, it's all good."

Hermione was watching him with intense concern. He looked back, trying to assure her it was okay. But her gaze turned from his. "I've neglected your feelings over what's happened," she said suddenly. "I'm sorry."

Ron shook his head. "You've had a lot to deal with. It's okay."

"No it's not." Tears formed in her eyes and Ron gathered her in his arms again. "Oh, Ron, I'm sorry. I've been so focused on myself that I never… I'm sorry."

Ron held her tightly. "It's okay," he repeated. "It's okay. I shouldn't have tried to keep it to myself for so long."

Hermione's head rested against his chest. "I'm happy for them," she mumbled. "I mean, I will be. Eventually."

"Mum will be thrilled when she finds out," Ron said. "It will be her first grandson."

He realised what he said the moment after, and was about to apologise, but Hermione shook her head and gave him a weak smile. "It's alright," she whispered, and she reached up and kissed him gently.

"I love you," she said, pulling away.

"I love you, too, so, so much," Ron replied, revelling in the feeling of having her kiss him again. Properly, for the first time in weeks. He kissed her back, just for good measure. "That felt good."

She laughed, and Ron beamed. Then he kissed her again, because it felt good, normal, and it made her laugh. He'd missed being able to make her laugh.

She squeezed his hand. "Thank you for being the best husband and support anyone could hope for."

He smiled at her, squeezing her hand back. "I'd do it over and over again to make sure you're okay," he answered.

She fell back into his arms again and he held her. They were going to be okay, he thought. They just needed time.

Thanks all for your kind words about the last few chapters. It has really meant a lot! I'm trying to write this as realistically as possible, so I'm not brushing over it quickly, however, from here on in, the chapters won't be so heavily focused on it. We'll be back to some happy moments in the coming chapters!