Chapter 53
The past few days had been marked by countless calls and messages, both from Mamoru and Toki, which I consciously ignored. I needed this time for myself to prepare for the inevitable. Today was the day we would say goodbye to Seiya. This day weighed heavily on my heart.
As I glanced at my alarm clock, it showed 5 o'clock in the morning, but sleep was no longer possible. Excitement and pressure burdened my shoulders. I stepped into the refreshing shower and put on comfortable clothes for now. With a steaming milky coffee, I sat at the table, the schedule and my prepared speech right beside me. Today had to be perfect, as it was the last thing I could do for him.
Sharp at 7 o'clock, I was already standing in front of the cemetery chapel. Shortly after me, the florists arrived to carefully place the floral arrangements and wreaths. Their scent filled the room as I gently ran my fingers over the delicate golden embellishments of the coffin. The sight of the white casket in the center of the altar area almost took my breath away. No, now I couldn't afford to be weak. I had to keep my emotions in check; I couldn't allow myself any weakness now.
The hours passed at a rapid pace as I struggled through the preparations for Seiya's funeral. I functioned on autopilot. The flowers were lovingly arranged, the seating for the mourners carefully set. Eventually, the photographer brought Seiya's picture, which found a place of honor next to the casket. Every detail had to be perfect because Seiya deserved nothing less.
Yet, behind all the external preparations, there was a deep emptiness within me. The thought of never seeing him again choked me up.
Suddenly, I noticed an unannounced camera crew setting up in the chapel, just a few meters away from the front row. The bright lights and the busy activity of the cameramen disrupted the otherwise serene atmosphere like an intrusive foreign body. My heartbeat accelerated, and a wave of panic rushed through me. I had no time and no energy for additional distractions, but they had to leave! And quickly!
At that moment, Haruka's familiar voice reached me. "Moonface, take it easy. Don't forget to breathe and have a sip of something," she said, handing me a coffee cup.
She was already dressed completely in black, while I was still wearing my comfortable clothes. As soon as the fans marched through here, I would have enough time to change in the adjacent room. The pastor had understood that I wanted to spend the entire day near him and offered me the small room.
I forced myself to give her a grateful smile and took the cup. "Thank you, Haruka," I replied softly.
"Where would you like them to go? Then I'll take care of it," she winked at me and gestured towards the camera crew. I looked pensively through the chapel and felt deeply grateful for her support.
"On the balcony, they won't disturb anyone there," I answered, pointing to the elevated area. It was the perfect place to set up their cameras without interfering with the mourners. Then I turned back to the florist, who was busy distributing the bouquets on the front rows.
I stood in the middle of the chapel, turning from one end to the other to make sure everything was perfectly prepared. I checked every little detail and made sure everything had its place. It felt surreal that this day had come.
Finally, I stopped and paused for a moment. The first step was done. Everything was prepared for the fans. Once we opened the doors, they could come in through the main entrance and go directly to the coffin. We left space on the right side for candles, flowers, pictures, and other memorabilia. The cemetery was cordoned off, but Haruka had informed me earlier that a long line of people had formed outside the gate. As I opened the heavy door of the chapel after the final touches, I froze.
My eyes widened as I saw the line of people stretching outside the cemetery. It was so long that I couldn't even see the end of it. A feeling of dizziness overcame me, and my legs threatened to give way. I clutched the door handle tighter to find support. In that moment, Haruka rushed to my side with concern and led me to the adjacent room.
"Are you feeling better now?" she asked sympathetically. My pulse was racing wildly, and my thoughts were swirling. Instinctively, I nodded up and down as if trying to gain clarity.
"Then I'll get us something to fortify ourselves. Any preferences?" I wanted to answer her, but only managed to shake my head.
In this room of tranquility and silence, surrounded by memories of Seiya, I let my thoughts wander. The reality of the loss hit me with full force. The overwhelming number of people who had come to pay their last respects to Seiya made me realize how deeply he was anchored in their hearts. His influence and his music had touched and inspired so many people. The pain of loss was ever-present.
Shortly after, Haruka returned and handed me a sandwich as the muffled voices of Seiya's fans reached us. Every now and then, sobs could be heard, reflecting the pain and sorrow in the air. Although my stomach was painfully knotted, I forced myself to eat at least a few bites. My thoughts were swirling endlessly.
Suddenly, the silence between us broke, and I turned to Haruka. "Tell me, Haruka, why are you still here? I mean, Saphir is in prison now..." Haruka smiled and gently stroked my back. "Because it's still my job to ensure your safety, Moonface. Saphir's imprisonment doesn't change that."
I leaned my head against her shoulder and let her words sink in. So, that meant Diamond was still paying for her services, and she probably kept him informed about my life. That was another topic I needed to talk to him about. But for that, he had to show up again and face me.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps approaching, and as the doorknob lowered, Yaten and Taiki entered the adjacent room. Yaten looked in a bad mood, worse than usual, and he mumbled something incomprehensible.
"Yaten, pull yourself together," Taiki scolded him with a stern look. Then he turned to me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You did an excellent job organizing this, Usagi. Seiya would be proud of you."
I looked gratefully at Taiki, and something inside me began to calm down. Taiki had the ability to bring a certain peace to the situation. His words felt like balm to my agitated thoughts, helping me refocus on what mattered.
"Seiya would still be with us if it weren't for her," Yaten hissed softly to his brother, but I understood it clearly.
His words pierced my heart like arrows, and I felt the pain deepen. Taiki stepped between us.
"Yaten! We've already talked about this. Stop blaming her. If you want to blame someone, blame Saphir Prince. Seiya loved Usagi, and that's why you will treat her with respect. Do we understand each other?"
I didn't know Taiki to be so dominant and assertive. Even I wouldn't have dared to contradict him.
Yaten offered me his hand apologetically. "I'm sorry, Usa," he mumbled dejectedly.
"The doors will be closed now, and there are still masses of people outside," Haruka informed us, who had been standing silently by the window until then.
"Did you expect something different?" Taiki replied dryly.
Damn, it was already so late, and I still had to change. Hurriedly, I asked the two men to leave the small room and let Haruka help me into my black dress. I put on Seiya's jewelry and arranged my hair as the sound of soft bells filled the air.
With a restless flutter in my stomach, I entered the corridor of the chapel. It felt as if I had stood before the white casket countless times, but now everything came crashing down on me. Suddenly, Mamoru appeared out of nowhere and offered me his arm in a helpful gesture. I looked into his eyes, straightened up, and let him know that I had to walk this path alone.
When I stopped in front of the casket, my blood froze in my veins. His large picture smiled at me. A magnificent arrangement of red roses and white lilies now adorned the coffin. The white ribbons bore the words "Endless Love" and "Your Darling." I lingered in this moment for what felt like an eternity until a loud sob escaped me. My legs felt like lead as I sat down on the long bench in the front row next to Minako. The grief and emptiness in my heart were overwhelming, and I could barely grasp that it was time to say goodbye.
Then a sad violin melody began behind us. The delicate sounds of the violin filled the room, leaving a deep melancholy in the air. The violinist was Michiru, the girl whose number Seiya wanted from me on the day of my accident. She started at the door and as she played, she slowly walked down the aisle. Every note she coaxed from her instrument pierced my heart, sending shivers down my body. It felt as if her music spoke directly from my soul. Yes, it was fitting. Very much so.
Michiru stopped in front of the white casket, tears welled up in her eyes too. She placed a hand on Seiya's final resting place thoughtfully and whispered something quietly before taking a seat in one of the back rows. Her grief and pain were palpable.
The priest entered, and my gaze remained fixed ahead. I heard his words, his sermon that we had gone through several times together. The words passed by me as if coming from afar. But Minako held my hand firmly and occasionally squeezed it to show me her closeness and support.
After the moving eulogy about Seiya's life, gentle piano tones followed. Taiki had positioned himself to the side in front of the window, by a keyboard that I had almost overlooked, and he began to play a beautiful melody. Yaten sat on one of the small steps right in front of the casket, his eyes still red from tears, but the microphone was firmly in his hand.
After a short emotional prelude, Yaten began to sing: "We remember his voice, so gentle and clear, The times when he made us laugh. The emptiness he leaves behind is almost unbearable, But his love will forever carry on in our hearts."
With every word, with every line, I felt the pain and sorrow in his voice. My heart skipped a beat, and the tears that had been lurking in my eyes all day now began to flow uncontrollably. Taiki joined in for the second verse, and their harmonious duet pulled me even deeper into the whirlwind of emotions.
"We will carry on his dreams, In our hearts, he will always live. We will remember the beautiful times, And his love will accompany us forever."
The words touched my core as if they came directly from my own soul. Yaten fell silent, his voice seemed to fail, but Taiki continued to sing, his voice filled with love and farewell pain.
"We say goodbye with one last smile, As we watch his soul rise to the sky. The memories will remain, the love will endure, Goodbye, dear brother, until we meet again."
If it had been a concert for any other occasion, the crowd would have surely cheered. But at this moment, during this song, the silence was so intense that it could be felt. It went under the skin and touched every fiber of my being. I collected myself because it was my turn next. I desperately tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but they continued to flow.
The two brothers stood before the casket, bidding a heartbroken farewell to their beloved brother.
It was my turn. My body felt like jelly as I started moving. My legs trembled, but I forced myself forward. For a moment, I stopped where Yaten and Taiki had stood just before. Then I climbed the two small steps up to the lectern.
My gaze was fixed on the white casket. I knew I wouldn't be able to utter a word if I let my eyes wander.
My heart pounded wildly, and my voice trembled with emotion as I began with a quivering voice: "Hello, my love."
The words were barely more than a whisper, but I knew they reverberated through the room, heard by everyone present. I felt all eyes on me, but my focus remained on the casket, on Seiya. Time stood still.
"I want to thank everyone on behalf of all of us for the overwhelming outpouring of sympathy," I continued, my voice becoming stronger with each word. "The love and support we've received in the last few days are overwhelming. Seiya would have deeply appreciated it."
It was difficult to find the right words to express the depth of my feelings. But I let my love for Seiya speak, and my voice carried all the memories we had shared.
"He was the best man one could wish for. His love was unconditional, his laughter infectious, and his heart immeasurably big," I choked, my throat dry as a desert.
"I still fondly remember our first meeting. Back then, I didn't even know who he was. His first words to me were that I looked like his future wife..." I paused for a moment, looking at the casket, nervously fidgeting with the ring.
"Unfortunately, fate didn't treat us kindly, and we didn't get the chance to realize that dream together. But you should know that I would have gladly become your wife. I've missed you every second for the past 20 days. Yes, hard to believe, but I've managed to go over 480 hours without you now." My voice threatened to fail, and tears formed again, but I had to go on. I clung tightly to the small lectern to not lose my composure.
"I still see your radiant face everywhere, in every corner of our apartment. You were so full of life, with your cheerful nature and lightness. Even now, in the midst of deep pain, I find solace in the memories of our shared moments. Seiya, you enriched my life in so many ways. You were... my rock. I know I made a lot of mistakes, especially at the beginning of our time together, and I'm still incredibly sorry for that. I am infinitely grateful that you could forgive me and that I always had a place in your heart, just as you have in mine."
My voice grew quieter as tears flowed down my cheeks incessantly. "I promise you that I will be strong. I will carry on your dreams and your legacy because I know that you will always be with me."
With a voice choked with tears, I concluded my speech. "I love you. Thank you for coming into my life."
Then I let my gaze wander through the small chapel for the first time. All eyes were on me, and I felt the deep pain and sympathetic looks from the mourners. In that moment, I couldn't bear it anymore. My legs gave way, and I threatened to sink to the ground. A strong arm suddenly wrapped around my waist, gently guiding me down. As always, Haruka was there at the right moment to catch me and provide support. Then Seiya's voice echoed towards us; Yaten and Taiki had played "Endless Love." I dared not even breathe, not to miss a single note of his voice.
As the last chords of the song "Endless Love" faded away, the undertakers slowly opened the large double door behind the casket and moved the flowers aside. Outside, it was already dusk, and the path to his burial site was lit by torches.
The casket was slowly wheeled out, followed by Yaten with Minako, Taiki with Amy, and then I followed. Haruka stayed a few steps behind me. The moment when the casket was lowered into that deep pit felt like another stab to the heart. Now, it was truly time to say goodbye. With trembling hands, I clutched the small bouquet and looked down at him. "Save a spot for me on your cloud," I whispered, lowering the flowers to him.
We stood in line at the grave, shaking countless hands and accepting condolences. Minako stood between Yaten and me, trying to console both of us. It took what felt like an eternity, and the line of mourners hardly grew shorter. Everything passed by in a blur. It was only when Mamoru and Motoki stood in front of me that I briefly snapped out of my trance.
"Bunny... I..." Mamoru began, but I interrupted him. "Mamo, please, not today. Thank you for being here, but I don't have the strength for conversations like that today." He lowered his gaze compassionately and stroked my upper arm before Motoki silently led him away.
Sometime later, the crowd began to thin, and only a handful of people remained in front of us. I looked to the side and caught Minako's gaze. "Look," she whispered. I looked around, but I couldn't see what she meant. Perplexed, I shrugged. By now, I had regained my composure somewhat, and the overwhelming wave of pain was slowly receding.
"Back behind the chapel, under the tree," Minako explained her observation to me.
I lifted my head, and my blood froze. Had he been here the whole time? Why was he standing so apart? Had he taken my reproaches to heart and that's why he didn't come? I looked back and forth between Seiya's grave and Diamond.
I had to talk to him. Now, before he disappeared somewhere in the world again. The crowd around me blurred, and I cautiously made my way through the remaining mourners.
I had a queasy feeling in my stomach as I retraced my steps and approached Diamond. When he noticed me coming towards him, he turned around and headed for the main gate.
I quickened my pace to catch up with him. "Diamond, wait!" I called after him, which eventually made him stop. But he didn't turn around. I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder from behind.
There was so much I had to discuss with him, so many things weighing on my mind, but no words wanted to escape my lips. My mouth felt dry, and my heart beat faster.
"What do you want, Usagi?" he asked after some time, his voice sounding cold.
"I... I... don't know," I stammered. My head was a jumble of thoughts and emotions. So many questions, so many unresolved issues. But I couldn't form a clear sentence. It was as if the words were stuck in my throat, unable to be spoken.
"Then let me go. I have things to do," he replied curtly, trying to free himself from my touch. I let my hand drop, feeling as if I were desperately trying to stop a train just with my hands.
"Will we see each other again?" I asked softly, my voice filled with uncertainty. The silence between us was almost unbearable. I desperately searched for a sign, a glimmer of hope that we wouldn't completely lose each other.
"I can't tell you that. I'll be on the road a lot for now," he answered shortly.
His words hit me like a slap in the face. He didn't even turn to look at me as he spoke. Was I so insignificant to him? Was I not even worth a single glance?
"Take care, Usagi," were his final words before he finally turned away from me and walked away.
I was left behind, feeling empty and disappointed. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I forced myself to stay strong. The world around me suddenly felt so vast, dark, and lonely. Seiya had found his final resting place, Diamond had left me standing here, and Mamoru... Well, Mamoru was waiting for answers I owed him.
A loud bang behind me illuminated the sky in green and red. The fireworks I had organized as a surprise had begun, but it couldn't heal my broken heart. As the sparkling lights rose into the night sky, I watched Diamond disappear slowly into the darkness.
With one last glance at the fireworks lighting up the sky, I took a deep breath and made my way back to the others, who were still standing in front of the grave, watching the spectacle.