Chapter 54

Seiya's funeral was now five months ago. It was mid-May, and the trial against Saphir was about to begin. It would take place at the end of this week.

After New Year, I had everything sorted out with Mamoru. We had several long, very long conversations, and we decided together to go our separate ways, even though it wasn't easy for either of us.

Seiya's death was still hard for me to digest, but slowly I could begin to accept it. I was gradually finding my way back into my life, albeit with the slight difference that I consciously avoided men. My goal was to have six months of complete abstinence - no men, no dates, and certainly no sex!

Haruka was still responsible for my safety and appeared here and there, but no matter how much I begged her to connect me with Diamond, she remained stubborn. Since Seiya's funeral, I hadn't seen or heard from him. There were still many things I wanted to say to him, and the list of questions I had for Diamond grew on several pages.

The notes had taken a permanent place on my kitchen table and fell into my view again. I turned the notes over and pushed them aside. It seemed pointless to write down more questions when I couldn't get any answers. I didn't even know where he was. A feeling of frustration spread over me.

As the chaos in my life gradually subsided, I began to thrive at work. Hotaru extended her internship, and Sato offered me a partnership as I had more than doubled the revenue in the last month. It was as if I was throwing myself into work to feel purposeful since my personal life was almost nonexistent.

I had developed a friendly relationship with Yaten and Taiki. We met for a meal every two weeks. Even though Yaten had a hard time with it initially, we found a good way to get along. During that time, he started teasing me, and I would play along, just like Seiya used to do. It connected us in a strange way. Often, I caught Taiki rolling his eyes, which made me smile.

But Mina and Yaten were even worse. They always had to discuss everything in great detail, yet they were inseparable. Since the funeral, it had become obvious to the whole world that both Yaten and Taiki were in a relationship. The hiding game had finally come to an end.

I blew into my cappuccino and ran my fingers through my hair. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, and I had no plans for the day. No appointments, no events, just nothing. I didn't even know what to do with myself when suddenly the doorbell interrupted my thoughts.

I got up and went to the intercom. "Yes?" No answer. Then there was a knock on the apartment door, and a certain restlessness came over me. At least until I heard who was knocking. "Moon face, it's me," Haruka's voice sounded. I opened the door without turning around and returned to the living room. The silence between us was palpable, and I wanted Haruka to feel that I was still angry with her. I took my place in front of the coffee cup and looked at her with an intense gaze.

"Are you still mad?" Haruka asked playfully. "Maybe," I replied shortly. I couldn't deny that I was still angry, but I also felt powerless in the face of Diamond's continued hiding and refusal to communicate with me. "Moon face, I can't change that. Instructions are instructions," Haruka tried to explain for the hundredth time. "Yes, fine, I get it," I interrupted her with a bitter tone. "I've been hearing the same thing from you for months. I can't stand it anymore. If he thinks he needs to hide somewhere on the other side of the world, then so be it. He can stay where the pepper grows." Whenever it came to Diamond, my emotions flared uncontrollably, and I could hardly explain to myself why. At that moment, anger dominated, which had grown stronger in the past few weeks. I stirred loudly in my cup to express my feelings.

"But that would be a shame, really," another voice from the hallway joined our conversation, and the spoon fell out of my hand in shock. Haruka seemed amused by my surprise, as a smile appeared on her face. It couldn't be true. How? Why?

But then she pushed past Haruka and stood before me with her fiery red hair. Kaori. In the first moment, I was speechless.

"You?" I managed to say, while my thoughts were spinning wildly.

She already wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss on each cheek. She took a seat next to me as if it were the most natural thing to do. This behavior seemed to be a family trait.

"It's lovely to see you, my dear. How are you, Usagi?" she greeted me with a warm smile. I was confused and could hardly believe that she was suddenly in my apartment. I looked for Haruka's gaze, who just shrugged and then said goodbye.

"I'll be on my way. I'm sure you have a lot to talk about." Without waiting for an answer, Haruka disappeared.

"Um... yes, nice to see you too, Kaori... What... What can I do for you? You must have a reason to be here," I stammered, somewhat overwhelmed by the situation.

Kaori crossed her legs and fixed me with a penetrating gaze, as if she wanted to read my thoughts. I felt a certain tension in the air as she finally started to speak.

"Yes, you're right. I have my reasons for being here," she began and made a meaningful pause.

My impatience grew stronger, and I couldn't help but inquire further. "And what would those be?" I asked.

"Can't you guess?" she replied, her eyes still fixed on me. "No," I answered firmly, although I had a suspicion. "Usagi, he's doing terribly, and he has been for months." "And that's because of me? I've been trying to reach him for damn five months! That's 21 weeks in which he ignored my calls and messages. I can't chase after him anymore. If he has something to clarify, my door is open to him, but he can't expect anything more from me now. I'm just starting to live again," I tried to keep my voice composed.

Kaori let out a heavy sigh, as if she wanted to unload a heavy burden. "You both are so damn stubborn. This could still work out."

"I'm not stubborn. As I said, my door is open to him. I've tried to contact him for a long time, but apparently, I don't matter to him," I retorted defiantly.

An amused laugh escaped Kaori, throwing me completely off balance. "You still don't see it, do you?" "What am I supposed to see?" "He loves you." "Oh, really? Is that how someone shows their feelings to someone else?" "I've told you so many times... He's very much like Kunzite in this regard. They are both real cowards when it comes to emotions. It's just not their thing, and... oh, let me try to explain. I've occasionally caught glimpses, even if only on the sidelines, but slowly, the pieces have come together for me. Take, for example, the moment he found out about the singer. He was beside himself when he rushed to us. The first thing he did was raid our alcohol supplies. That evening, the two hardly spoke to each other. But some time later, he stood in front of our door again. I happened to overhear a conversation between them. Kunzite called him an idiot, and that caught my attention. Diamond asked Kunzite what he would have done in his place, and Kunzite laughed cynically. 'Certainly not that! You want to share her with another man? Are you serious?' Kunzite asked, agitated. Diamond took a while to answer, but then he said, 'I'd rather share her than not see her at all.'" Kaori narrated and paused, looking at me expectantly.

He'd rather share me than not see me at all? Was he serious? All he told me back then was that relationships weren't his thing. "Because these relationship things aren't my thing," his words echoed in my mind. Nothing added up.

I let the information sink in slowly.

"Kaori... even if that were true. I've been trying to reach him for months, but he refuses to talk to me."

"That's because he can't bear to be rejected again. But he'd rather have hell freeze over than admit that," Kaori explained with her usual candid and straightforward manner. I couldn't help but smile.

"What do you suggest?" I asked after contemplating it for a while. Kaori's mouth twitched up in a revealing manner. She obviously had a plan, but I wondered if I really wanted to be a part of it. For five months, I hadn't seen Diamond or gone on a date with another man. I was almost close to achieving my own goal, and honestly, I didn't miss anything a man could offer at the moment.

"He'll be at the trial, that's what I found out," Kaori continued.

My heart skipped a beat. Could the long-awaited conversation finally take place?

"Haruka will pass on my number to you. I'll contact you as soon as I know more. We'll see each other by the end of the week at the latest. Until then, Usagi." Then she got up. The usual kisses on the left and right cheeks, and she left me completely confused. Her words threw his behavior into a completely different light.

An emotional chaos raged within me. The possibility of having a conversation with Diamond filled me with both anticipation and fear. Would he finally be honest about his feelings? And more importantly, how did I feel about him?