Chapter 18

Choice

There was no end to the ritual, a feverish nightmare that would never end.

So did the missions, as well as the beatings that followed. The organizations chose their victims, and Shino disobeyed orders. Standing her ground against Gin. With the beast becoming more violent, her transgressions exacerbated the situation. The basement became a constant. The box, her childhood nightmare—was used. Shiho was confined for hours on end in that prison, unable to move. Continual recordings of murdered families played in the background. Eventually, she numbed herself to it, drowning the screams out in a void she created.

College, lessons, missions, training...college, assignments, missions, training...torture, an endless cycle. Nobody came, nothing ended, and the cycle repeated. Days became endless nights. Offering no refuge from his rage, she buried her emotions, numbing herself to reality.

The routine was disrupted when Gin returned to Japan. Shiho was again assigned a new handler, and she was greeted by a giant man with numerous tattoos.

Excellent. A gangster.

Even without the sunglasses, he looked menacing. An inoperable scar ran down the left side of his eye. His shoulder-length hair was a mess of black curls. Shiho was reminded of a golem she'd seen in a picture book that Akemi had read to her.

Cold, unassuming, minding their own business. She expected him to be the same as the others.

Flashing white teeth, warm green eyes welcomed her as he extended his hand. His face was lit up like the sun—exuding a friendly aura.

Shiho was accustomed to being ignored, to harsh treatments, and to the withering gazes of her handlers.

But this—

This was different.

"My name is Ryuusuke Egawa," he introduced himself, "and Aperol is my code name."

His smile faltered when she didn't reciprocate.

"Aperol...like the Italian wine with citrus notes."

"Sherry," she answered carefully, and his smile widened. Clapping his hands together, he regarded her with a bright beam, and she winced.

"Are you ok?"

He noticed.

The concern in his voice was unmistakable.

Why…

Gin's teachings flooded her ears. "Don't be fooled by the smiles, Sherry. There is no truth behind a mask. People hide their true desires. Humans are animals that hide their wants. There is always a purpose and an intent behind their actions. Only lies exist beneath them."

Gin was right— she couldn't rely on anyone. Aperol was part of the organization.

"Sherry?"

Bowing politely, she left him at the entrance and walked to her room.

Shiho could not trust him.

Days passed, and the giant man sets breakfast on the table every morning, greeting Shiho with a warm smile—which she ignored.

Leaving him as she made her way to university. Only eating in the afternoons. Daniel joined, babbling as she listened. Occasionally, they spoke, but their discussions were superficial. Shiho never allowed him to get close.

It was dangerous. She could not have any more blood on her hands.

When Gin was around, dinner was never served. Aperol, however, enjoyed cooking. And when she came home to the scent of miso soup and rice—Shiho felt a longing that she had never experienced before. "Tah-dah!" he always said, greeting her with that bright smile, showing teeth—dressed in that out-of-place frilly apron too small and tight for him. His tattoos flexed on his muscular arms.

"I have to study," was her go-to excuse when he asked her to join him, "I'll eat later."

Despite her frostiness, however, the gentle giant has never once given up. Breakfast was always served, and dinner was always given.

When she responded with the iciness of a stone-faced statue, Aperol paid no heed. Instead, the man joked and reminisced about his time back in Japan. He was talkative, his conversations focusing on topics ranging from his undying love for his wife—too mushy for Shiho's taste—and their adventures together to innocent daily life routines. They were stories that held no malice, no hidden threat—no Gin.

Sometimes, when he was in a particularly good mood, he would turn on the radio, dancing and humming to old hip-hop tunes. The man's cheerful, carefree laughter fills the air, turning the dreary house into a cozy one.

The days unrelenting and colorless—were changing.

Shiho couldn't trust him—but...

It did not hurt.

"It would appear that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," Gin sneered. She was restrained. Her shirt was torn. He held a whip in leather-gloves hands. The multi-tailed flail was raised, and he slammed it down. The lashes separated cloth. Lacerating skin—scars forming as blood pooled.

"Why do you insist on defying orders?" His voice was ominous through the fog of pain.

The whip came down again, and Shiho stiffened, curling her toes as the rope sliced into her skin.

"Do you think you're clean? That inaction will absolve you of the sin?"

"A fruitless attempt," he breathes into her ears. "Your parents were murderers." The lash splayed across her naked back, and she bit her lip. "Your hands are already stained," he pulls her hair back while staring into her eyes. "Sherry, you will learn that you are—"

"No different."

Shiho woke with a start, gasping as her hands clawed helplessly at the air before her.

She had to control her emotions. She can't cry. Emotions are detrimental. He would—

Clutching her chest, she looks around rapidly, finding herself in her room.

Shiho was not in the basement.

She was not confined to a box.

She was not bound.

She was not beaten.

A sob escapes her lips, and she whirls around, suddenly aware that she is not alone.

Heart racing, Shiho was greeted by the solemn gaze of a giant man. His lips were drawn into a thin line. Hidden behind sunglasses, his eyes could not be seen.

"Shiho," he whispered, her true name.

Grasping her sheets tightly, shoulders rigid, she shrank back. Was he angry? Is he going to—

Hurt me.

He hesitates for just a second before removing his sunglasses. And she was greeted by somber green eyes. "I'm sorry for waking you," Aperol said softly, "but you were screaming."

His sincerity struck her, and she fell silent. He placed a hand over hers, soothing Shiho's racing heart.

"I have a daughter," he revealed, "She's a bit younger."

Gently he tucks the blankets around her. "My daughter is a precious bundle of joy. She greets me every morning. Her smiles are a blessing. And I would do anything —anything to protect her. Absolutely everything."

"It's what fathers do," Aperol declared quietly. He had tender eyes that radiated warmth. Like the gentle heat of a burning fireplace, of softly burning embers—Akemi.

Crystalline cracks formed against brittle ice. The pressure eased, and tears rolled silently from her eyes. He wipes them away, singing soft lullabies as Shiho slowly drifts off to sleep. A faint ache soothed by the gentle giant holding her.

Shiho wakes to the smell of eggs and toast. The man hummed a tune as she entered the kitchen. "Morning, Shiho," he greets, and she swallowed her natural apprehension.

"Morning…Aperol-san."

He grinned. "It's Ryuusuke," he corrected, "or Ryuu if you prefer." Pointing to the plate, he gestures for her to sit down. "Now eat; skipping breakfast is not healthy for growing girls."

Shiho settled into the pleasant ambiance, taking a bite.

It was—delicious.

In the days that followed, the torturous routine ended. Gin's abuse still haunted, but the bright laughter of Ryuu-san dispelled it. He joined her for breakfast and dinner— took her for groceries, taught her to cook, and brought her to different places. Ryuu-san showed her what freedom was like—what it should be, something she never had. The man was—teaching her how to live.

Shiho adjusted slowly, settling comfortably into this new normal.

"Isn't this cute, Shiho?" he held up several stuffed animals. Despite his big, burly appearance, the man was a sucker for cute things. Which could also explain the frilly apron he often wore. It was funny in a way, and Shiho regarded him with amusement.

It was a teddy bear that caught her eye. She thought it was cute. Blue ribbons are firmly tied around its neck, along with tinted glasses. After admiring it for a moment, Ryuu-san appeared behind her, giving her a knowing smirk.

"How about that, Shiho-chan?"

She turns away, a little embarrassed.

Laughing, he messes her hair up gently as she protests. The teddy bear was bought, and he gave it to her. Her once empty room is now filled with stuff. Books, figurines, stuffed toys, and—

"Wow! What is this?" Daniel coming over to finish a project. It was strange to see a schoolmate in her room, and Shiho couldn't help but frown when he glanced at the books on her shelves. Over the months he lived with her, Ryuu-san got her many books. Various topics are covered, from quantum physics to animal anatomy to space. She was now more interested in the theory of time, and they were now laid out on the study table Ryuu-san had gotten for her.

"First editions, all of them! Do you know how much they cost!?" Daniel gasped, and she slapped his hands away from the precious books before he could destroy them.

"Are we going to do the project or not?" she quipped. He sighed, settling on the floor and opening the bag he carried.

"Seriously, Satsuki, I was just trying to make small talk," he blushed slightly. Shiho raises an eyebrow as he looks at her. "That reminds me. This is the first time I've ever been in a girl's room."

A sigh escaped her lips.

"Focus."

The boy laughed, pulling out the laptop with their thesis.

Things had changed between them. They were once strangers who sat next to each other in the cafeteria. However, Daniel was slowly and surely becoming an acquaintance. She wasn't sure if she could call him that. While he certainly did, she could not open up to him as much as she would have liked. Sure, they talked in school, but they only talked. It's not clear why the boy sticks to her, despite her biting and moody words, but if anything—

He did not leave.

Days went by. Everyday life plays out, transforming dull, lifeless days into something more.

It had been a particularly rough night. The nightmares persisted a life-sucking leech, leaving her in a state of moodiness and despair. Shiho felt fragile, defective—like glass, and heaviness settled into her body. There was a throbbing ache in her chest that wasn't going away, pounding like a hammer on a nail.

"Come on, Shiho," Ryuu-san dragged her out. Shiho mostly unresponsive and confused as to where she was being taken.

Was it a mission? The question emerges, and terror floods in, filling her with unspeakable dread.

Unable to endure it, she retreated. But Ryuu-san persisted, placing a helmet over her head. A black antique vintage-looking motorcycle stood in their driveway, reflected by the street lights, emerging from the darkness of a starless night. It had brown leather seats and was old, beat up in appearance, but the huge exhaust pipe that ran down its side looked powerful.

"Meet my baby," his eyes glistening, "A 1965 Harley Davidson Electra Glide."

Taking her closer, he motioned to the leather seats.

"Ryuu-san?"

"Let's go for a drive," he steps on the clutch. Ryuu-san revved up the engine, and Shiho reluctantly sat behind him.

"Hang on."

A deep rumble followed, then they began to move across the rough sidewalk and into the streets. Ryuu-san cranked the engines and shifted gears. They were speeding down, driving fast through the night. Fluorescent streetlights illuminate the roads, and an ethereal atmosphere descended. He traveled faster as neighborhoods gave way to highways and dazzling city lights. Trees took the place of cities, leaving only shadows behind. Shiho held on tightly to the man as they cruised.

Stray auburn bangs whipped in the breeze. Shiho breathes in the scent of the night. Lifting her head, she stares at the tenebrous black sky. There was a song playing on the radio, one she could hardly hear it. And Ryuu-san was humming again. She didn't recognize the lyrics, but she remembered it being played—back home in Japan. Akemi would sometimes play it on the radio. Taking Shiho's hands, Akemi would sing, spin, and dance across the living room. Sea-blue eyes sparkled as her sister laughed. Closing her eyes, she relaxes into his back, the nightmares washing away in the passing wind.

He stopped at a small cliff as a shimmering city, shining in all its glory, lay below them. The cars and buildings stood like miniature toys. Lights sparkled and glistened like diamonds, dazzling in nature. Ryuu-san turns off the engine, and the radio is left on, filtering soft music. He grins as she stands in awe at the sight.

"Did you enjoy the ride?" he pressed a can into her cheeks. The drink's heat helped warm up the frigid numbness that had engulfed her earlier.

"It was bumpy," Shiho complained, "And we went too fast."

Ryuu-san chuckled, his green eyes twinkling in mischief. "My wife would disagree," he cracks open his own can and drinks from it. "She used to belong to a gang, believe it or not."

"A gang?"

"Yeah, they were called the red-studded moths, a motorcycle gang, and she was really—"

Shiho glanced at him as he smiled fondly. "Rough, just like those rowdy boys on TV."

"Hey, don't look at me like that," he said when he spotted her skepticism. "She was gorgeous. The prettiest thing in the world."

"Love is blind," Shiho quoted a television show, and he frowned.

"I'll have you know, Misato is the prettiest, kindest, and strongest woman I have ever met. I was bullied in school, and she helped me. Well, she hit me first, hmm..."

"Love is blind," Shiho repeated, and he brushed a hand over her hair, messing it up in retaliation. With his eyes fixed on the sight before, he whispered, "I miss her, I really do," with a tinge of melancholy.

His family was back in Japan. Ryuu-san had talked about them— stories of their lives together—separated by a mission he was forced to complete. All because he had to babysit Shiho. She tightens her fingers around her can, crushing it, and he nudges her. "I know that look," he told her, "Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

"But-"

"It was ordered from above. Nothing can go against that. Besides," he pinched her cheeks gently.

"What-"

"Kids shouldn't be worrying about things like that."

Shiho held her breath as he gave a protective smile. The sincerity from his gaze was genuine, and she was once again struck by his kindness.

"Why…why are you doing this?" she asked hesitantly.

"I told you, didn't I," he gazed at the city lights, "it's what fathers do."

And she leans forward, holding onto the can, suppressing the emotions trying to surface. Gin still loomed over his words and actions. Shiho could still feel phantom aches on her skin, but—

She turned to Ryuu-san, who was humming gently. She reaches out tentatively before clutching the man's shirt cuffs, gripping it tight. No words were needed, and he draped a hand over her shoulder, holding it.

"You're welcome."

"Man, Satsuki, your uncle makes the best pies!" Daniel invites himself into her home once more. Shiho watches as the boy stuffs the food into his mouth like a pig. Staring at him with disdain and Ryuu-san laughed at his enthusiasm.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Daniel," he told the boy, who gave him a thumbs up. They settled into the sofa a while later. As Ryuu-san and Daniel played chess, their game of wits became a shouting match as they competed. They fell silent when Shiho glared at them, the game ending in a draw. They finished the day watching a movie. Ryuu-san told them about the ending before they could finish it. Daniel moans in frustration at the spoiler. Shiho leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes. Relishing the presence of the two men in front of her.

It was comfortable, and the peace persisted.

"Where are you taking me," Shiho regards the boy with a bored expression. Her arms folded as they approached an arcade. Daniel was giggling in triumph, and she sighed. "I'm going home," she said, and he stopped her.

"Uh-no, it's the end of the semester, we just finished our project, and we're going to celebrate!" he insisted. "Besides, look!" Daniel pointed to the blue skies. "It's a nice day. Are you really going to waste it? At home!?"

"Yes," Shiho was about to leave when he grabbed her. She glares at him as he forces her into the cacophony of beeping machines and loud music. Having never been to a place like this before, she was unimpressed by the large and noisy crowd of teenagers. It was hot, stifling, and, most importantly, stank of sweat.

"Are you having fun?" Daniel asked a while later. They were at a device that Daniel explained was a UFO catcher. "So basically, it's a way for this establishment to cheat its clients legally," she states when he demonstrates the mechanism.

"Only if you have no skill," Daniel winked.

"How can you stand it," Shiho muttered when another boy bumped into her, and she gave him a withering glare as he chuckled. "You've got that face again, Satsuki."

"What face?"

With his brows scrunched up, Daniel demonstrated an angry look.

"You should smile," he pulls at her cheeks.

"Let me go, Daniel," she warned as he bowed over, guffawing at her expression.

They continued playing arcade games, with Daniel forcing her to participate. A few she couldn't understand, others—

"My god, Satsuki," Daniel glanced at the racing game she was forced to play. "You're great at this."

Having gathered a crowd around her, she jumped out of the machine once she'd finished. Not liking the attention, she walked away. His voice whispered in her ears again. Warning her against getting too close. Daniel grabbed her, and she pushed him.

"I'm going home."

"Wait, Satsuki, ok, wait," he follows her out of the arcade. Daniel stops her, and she snaps around, furious.

"Isn't this enough? Let me go," Shiho ordered.

"Wait a moment, will ya," he reaches into his pockets for something small. It was something she saw him pocket after wasting a great deal of coins on the UFO catcher. When Daniel pushed the object into her hands, she narrowed her gaze.

"What is this?"

"It looks like you, doesn't it?" he remarked. Shiho lifts the keychain that has a black cat on the end. It had furrowed brows and seemed to be scowling. When she made a face, he chuckled. "See, it looks just like you."

"Why are you giving this to me?"

"Satsuki, seriously, it's a gift for my dearest friend. Just take it, will you, jeez," he said. Shiho blinked.

Friend? A strange warmth spread through her. She couldn't stop it—not the small smile that forms on her lips.

"Satsuki," the boy mutters, eyes widening at her expression, "Did you just…"

When she looks away, he takes her. Shiho protests, but his grin stops her. "See," Daniel's voice overlapped with her sister's, "You have a charming smile."

He laughed when she scoffed, and they talked as he walked her home.

"Did Daniel give that to you?" Ryuu spots the keychain she held up.

"Why the frown?"

"He called me a friend," Shiho whispered. "Ryuu-san, am I allowed," she trailed off. The stifling words Gin had drilled into her resurfaced, and she seethed, clutching onto the gift Daniel had given her.

"Shiho," Ryuu-san placed a hand over her head, its weight banishing any recollection of abuse. "Everyone needs a friend."

Releasing her, he gestures to the food he had prepared for her. Homemade food. "Eat," he told her, "I promise you, things will get better. So don't worry about the little things. Let me handle it."

Studying the keychain she had received. Shiho hung it next to her table later. Does she deserve it? Shiho thought. A comfortable place of companionship and freedom without guilt. Shiho doesn't know why, but—

It was warm.

A year passed, and she turned fourteen. Days settled into an easy routine. Rain fell on the leaf-covered ground. It was autumn, and the maple trees were covered with yellow and red leaves that swayed violently in the rainstorm. Shiho stands in front of the university gates inhaling the scent of petrichor.

She had forgotten to bring her umbrella. A rare blunder on her part Shiho had no choice but to wait quietly for the rain to subside. It wasn't in her plans to make the two-mile trip home soaked in the rain. Her gaze drifts to the sky as she watches the people around her.

"Hey," he appeared.

Of course, it was him.

She glanced lazily at the source to find Daniel grinning. He was holding a red umbrella adorned with tomatoes. Shiho looked at it with raised eyebrows, and he laughed. "Is it appealing?" he spins the abomination around. Daniel pointed at the faces on the tomatoes.

"I'd rather walk home in the rain," she said, and he snorted, grabbing her. He held the umbrella above them as they passed through the pouring rain. They walked, Daniel, discussing the newest shows on television. Shiho listened half-heartedly, the relentless rain muting all other sounds.

"Earth to Satsuki!" he chided her. "Are you even listening?"

"It depends," she replied, smirking slightly. He huffed. After making their way down the familiar streets, the house finally came into view. "I'll come over for dinner, Mr. Tetsuo," Daniel said, calling Ryuu-san by his pseudo name, "promised to give me something for my new bicycle."

Shiho groaned.

"Why not pay rent?" she asks, and he smiles. "Don't worry, Satsuki. I won't steal Mr. Tetsuo from you."

"Rubbish," she quipped, and Daniel laughed.

"Don't be jealous. It'll only be a little while, and maybe dinner."

"Do whatever you want," she waves him away, and he smiles.

"See you later," Daniel waved goodbye. Shiho stood by the porch for a few minutes, smiling slightly, before entering the house.

It was pitch black. An ineffable chill filled Shiho's body. She breathed sharply. Ryuu-san was not in the kitchen and was nowhere to be found. The aroma of cooked food was absent, as was the humming or laughter. The air was charged with an ominous feeling that brought back memories of her childhood.

No.

Dropping her bag, Shiho runs up the stairs, flinging open the doors to her room.

There he sat. The faint pounding of the rain outside mutes and absorbs any warmth that might be present. Terror seized her body and sealed her throat. Breathing became difficult, and she was unable to move.

The silver-haired beast spoke.

"It appears," his voice barely a whisper, sinister in tone and carrying an evil menace, "I have been too soft."

Lazily, golden eyes swept over hers. Gin held up the keychain Daniel had given her with a stoic expression. "Sherry," his lips curving into a smirk as he spoke. "What did I tell you?"

At full height, he towers over her. The color drained from her face as he leaned forward, whispering malice into her ears. "About getting too close?"

Even though she could run, an invisible hand held her down, her blood rushing through her body in a burning mess. Shiho swallows as she collects herself, despite the panic that surges through her. "It won't happen again," she retains a steady voice—cold—just as she had after all those previous training sessions.

For a moment, he was silent, and then he smiled. No. Not—

Dread settled in the atmosphere, infecting everything it touched. It pressed down, growing into a stinging ache as heavy boots approached. Hand resting against her neck, he squeezes it down slowly. "There's a traitor in our midst," he intoned. "Like rats hiding in the sewer, thinking they can outsmart the sanctum."

Gin released her, pushing her back as she choked.

"Thinking they can corrupt my creation," his fury barely controlled. A click signaled Shiho's attention to the pistol aimed in her direction.

"Right, Aperol," he said. Shiho spins around to find the gentle giant behind her. A man she had come to trust. A man who had made her life easier. The man who—had been her rock.

A traitor?

She was shocked first, then furious—betrayed?

Traitor!

Was he—using her?

Gin cocks a gun as sad green eyes regard hers. The man was panting after having run up the stairs. Every mark Ryuu-san had made in the house was permeated with Gin's presence. No warmth remained—only the sinister manifestation of a beast.

"Move!" Gin stabs Shiho with the gun. The sharp tip was a menacing threat, and Aperol raised his hands.

"I'll comply, leave her out of this," he pleaded. However, Gin pressed the gun's tip harder, leaving an imprint.

"I won't repeat myself," Gin's unflinching gaze met his, "Move."

Gin forced them down the stairs with the gun pressed against her head. Shiho felt her legs shaking as she walked. The sight of the basement filled her with an unnamed dread. As oppressive as the bowels of hell, the basement was like a vacuum, engulfing everything into nothingness. Inhaling the familiar smell of mold and musty water, she experienced a torrent of memories that stabbed, pricking needles, in her mind. Gin struck her with the gun's back, and she gasped. An explosion of pain erupts from her temples, and she collapses.

Shiho reached for the wound as blood oozed out. She glanced at him, barely able to discern his silhouette in the miserable impenetrable darkness. A heavy, snake-like object landed on her feet.

A rope?

"Restrain him," Gin instructed. Shiho failed to respond in time. Gin stormed forward, striking her in the gut as Ryuu-san cried out. "Restrain him!" Gin yelled, echoing throughout the leaden room. And she doubles over on the concrete floor, wanting to vomit.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Sherry."

Taking hold of the ropes, she looks to Ryuu-san. She could see the panic in his eyes. He had lost his lively zeal. Hands balled into fists. He was soaked in a cold sweat. The moment he realized she was hesitating, he smiled weakly. "It's ok," he assured her, "do as he says."

A wave of guilt swept through her body. The ropes became heavy, transforming into anvils, and Shiho could barely lift them.

A loud pop was heard. Something hit the concrete before them. It smoked slightly— a bullet. Shiho turns to Gin, who had raised the pistol. "Sherry," he drawled, and her grip tightened around the rope. "Are you going to defy me again?" he asked. "Surely you must know—"

She felt pressure against her back as he stepped closer. His ominous presence was threatening. "That his life is in your hands."

He raised the cat-like keychain, which glistened in the verdant darkness.

"Sherry, remember where you stand."

"Shiho," Ryuu tilts his head towards the rope. "It's fine, do it."

Shiho ties the ropes around the man's wrist. Gin inspects them after she is done. And before she could react, Gin slammed her against the brick wall. The rough bits ate into her skin. "Now," Gin raised the keychain. "You decide."

"What-"

Again, he slams her against the wall. "Choose, Sherry," he repeated.

Gin released her. Her heart throbbed furiously as realization dawned.

"No," she whispered, "No, Gin."

"You have no choice," he pulls her by the hair and glares at her. "I'm giving you the order. Either you choose, or they both die."

"What the hell is this fuckery, Gin?" Ryuu barely contained his anger. His eyes glowed with unrestrained fury. "I have enough of your games!" He spat. "What's the point? I am the one you want. She has nothing to do with th-"

His knees buckled under the force of Gin's blows. The silver-haired man repeated the action relentlessly. Shiho watched—turning into ice. The smiling face of Ryuu-san was gradually turning into a bloody mess. His laughter, voice, and kind green eyes disappeared before her.

"Stop," Shiho picked up a stray brick and smashed it against the beast. Knocking Gin away from the man, extending her arms to protect him from the blows. "Stop!" she roared. Gin picked himself up, reaching for the bloodied wound she had inflicted on the back of his head.

"I see."

"Shiho, no, run!"

Her body was seized, raised high, and then slammed to the ground. Her head thudded painfully on the surface as her back hit the ground. Then he did it again and again. Shiho collapses as the pain tears through her. Pinning her down, he jammed his knee against her chest, and she rasped, spitting out blood.

"Sherry...Sherry, you never learn, do you," gloved hands encircling her mouth in a tight grip. "Don't you understand? I am offering you a choice, a chance. Would you squander it away? Would you let an innocent boy die for the sin of a traitor?"

She is forced to look at Ryuu-san. The man hunched over. Overwhelmed with panic, tears streamed down his cheeks. He was desperate, screaming, pleading with Gin to stop. "He was using you to get to us. Corresponding with the FBI as you go about your daily lives. Sabotaging us from within, allowing rats inside. Don't you see, Sherry, it is just a mask?"

"Let her go, Gin! It's me you want! Please don't hurt her!"

Gin laughs as the sound grates on his ears, and he releases her. "Quiet," Gin takes a photograph from the pocket of his trench coat. Shiho could almost see the pleasure in his expression. When Ryuu-san saw the image, his eyes grew wide in horror. Poising for the camera, a black-haired woman holds onto a ten-year-old child with smiles and peace signs.

"Misato…Akari…" he whispered.

Ryuu-san slumped in defeat as he looked at them. Trembling violently as Gin shoved the photograph in his face. "It doesn't matter what you do, Aperol," Gin slaps the man with it, "You've already doomed them, you filthy traitor."

Dropping the photograph, he stamps on it. The image rips apart.

"Well, Sherry," Gin pauses casually and smiles widely, "who would you choose?"

Shiho gasped at the implications of the situation. Her eyes swept over the man as she recalled stories, pictures, and videos of his family. She remembers Misato's happy smiles. Of Akari, a little girl singing a song to Ryuu-san. The warm goodnights and mornings they shared despite the distance. The joy on Ryuu-san's face whenever he mentioned them.

She couldn't do it. Burdened with the crippling weight of guilt, she sinks to her knees. It shoots through her, twisting in her gut—ringing in her ears.

"Choose, Sherry!"

His smile and the warmth of the days that have gone by slowly but surely vanished into unfathomable darkness. Ryuu-san stares at her with lips parted. Kind eyes morphing into two dark abysses, a soulless vacant hole that would not let them escape.

Her face erupted in pain as Gin slapped her across the face. Unresponsive, Shiho fell to the ground. Her thoughts were whirling.

"Choose!"

She fell back, gasping.

"Or I will make the choice for you, Sherry!" he bellowed, thrusting the keychain in her face.

Daniel. Laughing, joking, and teasing her as they went about their peaceful pursuits. He reached into her icy demeanor and pulled her out—showing her a world of hope. He was like Akemi. Never backing down. Her first friend.

"I'll get that little cunt, Sherry, that boy who poisons your mind," Gin whispered. "He will scream, he will cry, he will beg for his life. This. I promise."

She recalled memories of dead families and recordings repeatedly played in the basement. The terror gave way, and Shiho bent over, seething, and in the blurry visage of agony she remembered the boy's bright smile. A cozy house that provided an atmosphere of comfort and company. Surrounded by joy and laughter, they held her as she grieved.

Staying despite...everything.

Are you going to let them die?

Hate. she hated him. An intense sensation emanates from within, scalding and burning everything around it. Blood rushed through her veins, and all she saw was red.

He will not destroy it.

She had enough.

Gin raised another hand, ready to strike, and she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. Leveraging what strength she has left, she rams her knees into his groin. Gin recoils as she scrambles up, grabbing the strewn keychain on the ground. Adrenaline pumped through her veins as she stumbled her way to Ryuu.

Shiho had little chance of saving him. Time was running out. She wasn't going to squander it. Reaching for the rope that restrains him, she pulls it. Struggling to free the man, she was struck on the cheek. Gin grabs her by the neck, fury simmering— he squeezes hard. Not wanting to yield, Shiho glared defiantly at him. Wild and unhinged, there were no emotions in those eyes. While he crushed her, the pressure caused her vision to blur. He was going to— kill her.

"Shiho! '' Ryuu's voice erupts from the darkness. And she could breathe. Shiho turned over and choked as she gasped for air. Coughing, she saw Ryuu wrestling Gin while the two men fought. Ryuu punched the man before locking Gin in a tight hold, restraining him from the back. The silver-haired man struggled but then fell still—regarding them both with enmity.

"Run!" Ryuu commanded, "Run! I'll be there soon. Just run!"

Her grip on the keychain tightened. Wincing, Shiho staggered toward the stairs.

No, it was not safe yet. She had to leave. She had to warn Daniel. She had to run with Aperol. Taking her first step, she was met with a deafening thud. Spinning around she found Ryuu-san in a rear choke hold. Gin was behind him, arms around his neck. There was blood running down Ryuu's head. A pipe was strewn across the floor.

The tables had turned.

"There's nowhere to run," Gin's hatred leaking through his calm demur, "They will die. Everyone you love, everybody you cherish. Including your sister."

Seeing his contemptuous smile, Shiho froze.

"Remember, Sherry," he sneered, "Traitors will always die."

Ryuu-san was trying to pry Gin off but to no avail. The silver-haired man was tougher, relentless, and cunning. Too strong and experienced. There was no way out. He would get them no matter what.

"Again, I ask," Her throat tightened as golden eyes glanced in her direction. "Choose."

It was never a choice. A sick, twisted game. Since Gin's return, Ryuusuke Egawa's fate has been sealed.

His wife and daughter were probably already—

Shiho blanched, her head hurting from the situation. Pounding furiously, she looks to the ground, forcing the tears back.

He couldn't be saved. There was nothing that could be done. Anguish grew in her chest, rolling through her body as she glanced at the man in front of her. Ryuu-san realized it as his gaze met hers.

"I'm sorry."

Slowly, the gentle giant closed his eyes.

"One day, Shiho, I'll let you meet my daughter," Ryuu shows Shiho the video of Akari's birthday party. His daughter is a 10-year-old, youthful-looking girl with flowing brown shoulder-length hair and lively blue eyes. The girl resembled her mother, Misato, in every way. She was nothing like Ryuu.

"Are you sure you're related?" Shiho jokes, and the man chuckled before showing her some photographs.

"She's a science enthusiast. I think you'll like her."

"Hmm…"

"She'll like you too. I know it." He agreed.

"That's not possible, Ryuu-san," Shiho said wistfully. Knowing perfectly well that there was no possibility of correspondence between organization members without supervision. There was no escaping from their control. Ryuu frowned and messed her hair up. The man tousling it, his usual habit. "It will happen, Shiho. Not now, maybe not for a long time, but—"

He grinned radiantly, igniting an inexplicable promise of hope.

"It will happen."

There was a crack. The force of Gin's grip twisted Aperol's head at an unnatural angle. Green eyes turned blank, lips parted in agony, and Aperol collapsed, sprawled on the ground. With hands pressed against her eyes, Shiho stumbles back, crashing into the brick wall.

There was no time to mourn.

The unmistakable ring of a doorbell interrupts the silence. The sound reverberates through the dank, moldy basement.

Dinner. Daniel!

Her heart pounded as Gin regards her with a murderous smile.

"What should I do, Sherry?" his heavy boots trampled over Ryuu's body as he stepped towards her. Pinning her against the wall, a hot breath ran down her neck as he whispered devilishly into her ear. "What should I do with that little boy?"

"Not him; I've made a choice," Shiho spat out the words she had forced, hurting her throat. She looks him in the eye, unwilling to give him pleasure. And, he grinned, running a nail down her cheek.

"Do you think," he bared sharp teeth, "That you're in control?"

The doorbell rings again, continuously.

Run away; what are you doing? Daniel, please.

"What should we do, Sherry?"

"Leave him out of this!"

"Why should I?"

"Satsuki! Mr. Testsuo!" Daniel knocks on the main door. "Are you home? Anybody?"

Grasping her chin, a body clad in a heavy trench coat pressed against her, spite reflected in his eyes. "Shall I gut him? Shoot him? Tell me, Sherry, why should I let that vermin live?"

Shiho holds his coat tight in her hands.

"Gin," she spits, "Leave him alone. I'll do anything. Just leave him alone!"

Defiantly, she glares at him, and he falls silent, rage brimming within. Then—

He laughed sadistically.

"Anything?" he seizes her with a gloved hand.

"You'll learn soon," his words carrying a promise that chills her to the core. "That anything can be broken."

He shoved her back, and she landed painfully on the concrete ground.

Wait—

"Shi-ho," he rasped, calling her like how Ryuu-san did.

Wait. Stop. Don't.

Smirking diabolically, Gin touched her, his hands lingering too long on her chest. His lips were twisted in a sick grin.

"Shiho," he approached, "Has anyone told you..."

There was a mad glint in his eyes, one that rendered her immobile.

"That you have nice hair?"

Her lips were forced apart as he kissed her, his tongue reaching deep. Shiho choked. He tasted of alcohol, bitter and vile, and she felt like she would faint. There was nothing warm, nothing human about him. She tried to push him away, but he was too strong, like a block of ice. Gin morphed into a demon, his eyes piercing her with a contemptuous grin.

He then proceeded to knock her down, the impact left her dizzy. Gin towered over her. His hands reached roughly, ripping the jacket and shirt from her body. Shiho gasps at the sudden violence. Everything happened so fast. She wasn't able to react in time. The cool air penetrated her skin, making her shudder.

No. What was going on? Somebody.

Please.

He slams the side of her face to the ground, and Ryuu's body came into view. Unseeing eyes bore into hers. Twisted lips, a death mask, forever etched in fear. Gin pushes her down and tears off her jeans.

Was this—her punishment?

No! She struggled as she tried to push him away. It was useless. Nothing she did made him move. It hurt. Everything hurt. Naked skin against hers, and it became unbearable. She screamed when he pressed down—hard.

"Satsuki! Mr. Tetsuo! I told you guys I was coming over!" Shiho gasped when she heard Daniel's voice again. Gin gives her a grotesque smile—a warning.

"You know what to do," he whispers wickedly as he removes his pants. She feels her blood freezing in her veins and her ears ringing violently. It can't be happening. She had heard the term at school. Her teachers and classmates had discussed it. Shiho knew about the violence and torture, but this was different.

Gin pinned her down, holding her hands above. He stank of cigars, smoke, alcohol, and gunpowder. Her body stiffened as she remained unable to make sense of what was happening.

Her breaths come in shallow spurts as he looks at her. "Shiho," he groaned.

There was a sharp, almost indescribable pain. It radiated between the juncture of her thighs, and she gasped. He leans in, skin meeting her own, a cruel grin filling her with dread. And, he thrust himself against her. Searing pain tore her apart. The weight of his body crushed her. Biting down on her neck, he leaves her stench in his wake. Writhing in agony, she cried out before biting her lips, breaking through skin.

She could not scream. No.

His grunts became a nightmarish fuel. The blood, mixed with his pleasure, was too much to bear.

Erase it. The mantra she had used years ago repeated feverishly in her mind. Don't. You can't.

Throughout the basement, the darkness swirled, mixing with his stench. The accusing eyes of Ryuu, the recordings of a family dying, abuse, missions, people murdered, traitors—Akemi. Gin. Aperol. Daniel. An organization. Drugs. Training. A cycle repeated over and over and over again—a personal inescapable hell.

It hurts.

Onee-chan. Please. Somebody—

Something broke, fracturing. Shiho fell limp, unresponsive to his advances. Numb, she lay obediently as he went on. She was so—tired. As he forced himself on her again, she dissociated from the experience. The weight of his body, the heat of his lust, the shame—she buried them deep down. His laughter echoed in her ears as he whispered his taunts. A deep sense of despair seeped in with his words.

"You're mine," Gin whispered. "Sherry."

There would be no help.

"Satsuki, what happened to you?" Daniel exclaimed. To keep her away from prying eyes, he had taken her to a quiet corner, far from the rumors. She arrived at the university with a letter in hand and bandages wrapped around her neck and body.

When she walked to the faculty office, there were sharp gasps, teachers reaching out, and students backing away. Daniel found her first after the letter was delivered.

"I was at your house yesterday for an hour! Why didn't anyone answer the door?" His eyes fixed on her injuries. "Did anything happen?"

"It's nothing, Daniel."

"This is absurd! You are transferring, aren't you? That's what everyone is talking about! Where is Mr. Tetsuo? What happened to you? Why are you injured? Satsuki, please!"

He was ranting, hysterical even.

Persistent. It was his nature to persist. Constantly pushing forward, never giving up. Like Ryuu-san, now dead and discarded for getting too close. A wry smirk appears on her lips— a decision made.

Taking hold of her shoulder, Daniel squeezes it tight. His touch burnt and memories of the night before raced through. Shoving him away, he slams into the lockers, the sound deafening. He stares at her in disbelief. "Satsuki?"

"That isn't my name," she said harshly.

He stood still, his eyes widening in response. Her icy gaze fixed on him while he parted his lips in shock.

Taking out the keychain stained with blood, she drops it on the ground. Fear, confusion, horror, sadness—all rolled into one.

"Daniel," her voice betraying no emotion, "you are nothing, do you understand? If you come any closer, I will not be able to guarantee your safety." Reeling in horror; he stepped back.

"Satsuki, what did you do?"

"No emotions."

"You were a mistake," she said, and he gasped, shoulders slumped in defeat, "Do not come near me, ever—again."

"You're mine, Sherry."

Part 2/3- even harder to write

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