Chapter 21

Angel

"I'm not Conan-kun," he revealed, making the older girl freeze in her place as she stared at him intensely. They were in Kogorou Mouri's office. As he told her the truth, the evening sun engulfed the room in a deep orange glow.

"What do you mean?"

Shinichi pulled out the pill from his pockets and showed it to the girl. "You must have heard about the reports. It's all over the news. About an organization that ruined the lives of many. Until recently, a huge evil entity had been shrouded in mystery."

He had expected confusion. He had expected her to ask for a thorough explanation. It was a knowing smile that appeared on her lips that surprised him. "Shinichi," Ran stared at his child form, "Tell me the truth already."

"Ran?" he whispered, and she walked towards him, taking the pill from his hand.

"I've always suspected the signs were always there," she inspected the offending drug before giving it back to him. Shinichi paused for a moment before swallowing the antidote.

After a few minutes, the bone-melting pain that he was never accustomed to ripped through his body, causing him to stumble to the ground. His body grew, his clothes tore, and before long, he lay panting loudly on the floor of the detective's office. Ran placed a hand over her mouth in shock before draping her father's long leather coat over his body.

Wiping away the sweat, he glanced sheepishly at her. "We meet again, Ran," Shinichi having to dodge an incoming kick along the way. The girl turned red when she realized the many baths she had taken with the teenager-turned-child. When Ran finally calmed down, her arms were folded across her chest, the fury still visible in her eyes.

Despite her stern expression, Shinichi was glad she was giving him the chance to explain his actions. "So, you are telling me that you were captured by the organization when you left me alone in the amusement park that day?" She repeated his story. He nodded, and Ran leaned back into the sofa, contemplating the gravity of the situation.

"They wanted to kill you, but you turned into a child instead."

"That's the gist of it."

"All the while, you pretended to be Conan."

"Yes, I had to lie. It was dangerous to let you in on this."

She grimaced. "So, back then, I was facing them on the ship docks?" she confirmed, and he nodded. Slowly, she sat down. Overwhelmed with information, Ran fiddled with her fingers. "The professor, he knows about this?"

"Yes. Hattori, my parents, Jodie-sensei, Okiya Subaru, Hondou Eisuke, and Masumi Sera, they are the people who know," he confirmed her suspicions. Ran folded her arms.

Her grimace deepened. "You should have told me!" she snapped, and Shinichi shook his head.

"The organization reached deep. If they had known about me, you wouldn't be safe. We would all be dead."

"You kept me in the dark, Shinichi," she lamented, "Well—"

You would never rely on me. Unspoken words remained, and his fist tightened. It was the truth. One he couldn't admit before.

"What about the children? Ayumi, Genta, Mitsuhiko, and Ai-chan," she paused before sighing. Shinichi winced as he saw the hurt on her face. The guilt stung slightly. Shinichi had already made his decision, and there was no going back now—but it was not easy.

"Ai-chan is like you, isn't she?" Ran confirmed as he nodded slowly. The revelation seemed too much for her, and she buried her head in her hands. In a panic, Shinichi rushes toward the shaking girl. He didn't know what to do.

"Oi, Ran, I'm—"

The moment he reaches her, he finds a small pensive smile settled on her lips.

"Shinichi, you are an idiot," Ran replied a while later, and he frowned, baffled by the sudden change in events.

"Eisuke-kun and I are friends as well," she continued, "and when I heard about the organization, I contacted him right away."

"Eisuke-kun?"

"Yes, Hondou Eisuke. He told me about his sister and his past. He told me of the secrecy he had promised you. At first, I was angry," she admitted, "but Eisuke-kun insisted that it was not your fault."

"Eisuke did," Shinichi whispered. "About me shrinking?"

"No, not about the shrinking, but about the organization."

"He told me about his life, his parents, the upcoming operation. About you and a scientist who always stood by your side. And now that I know you're Conan-kun. It doesn't take a genius to realize who this scientist is."

"Ran, I'm sorry, I would have told you, but it wasn't my story to tell."

The girl gave him a knowing smile. "I have been thinking about us," she turns away. "If this hadn't happened, we might have been together. As childhood friends, I believed we understood each other. I had thought I'd be the first one you'd confide in."

Ran turned to him. "But now I understand," lips quivering a little, "What we had is now in the past."

"Shinichi, you were never considerate. While you rush headlong into investigations, you are so concerned with saving others that you do not see the consequences of your actions."

She glances at the windows, eyes lingering on the streets below.

"I have always hated that aspect of you. I didn't understand it. The disconnect was always there. But I fooled myself into thinking you weren't Shinichi and that you were just a kid."

"I had to protect you from the organization, Ran. I could never tell you."

"And that is where our relationship ended," she resigned herself. "You've changed, Shinichi. The secrets you've kept from me have excluded me from your life. We are no longer the same."

"Ran, it's not like that," Shinichi began, but she cut him off. The bitter smile on her lips, he could not decipher. Shinichi knew that he had hurt her. It was heavy, something he could not get rid of. Shinichi could not take it back.

There were some things he couldn't save.

To gain something, he had to lose something else.

"I know," Ran stood, wiser and stronger than he could ever be. "Shinichi."

Shinichi swallowed as he faced her. The bitter expression changes into something more. As the evening glow of a setting sun shines on her petite face. A pensive smile emerges from within. That same gentleness and strength that he knew she possessed—that had saved many before. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke, blue eyes possessing a reluctance but, at the same time, a quiet resolve.

"When I think of the times she saved you. Getting injured and battered, but still chasing after you desperately. The way you looked at her as you interacted. I felt like I was observing a world I was not part of."

"Ran, I…"

"I realized then that it wasn't just you who changed," she smiled. "I've changed too."

He winced. He knew she wanted more. There was sadness, but there was also acceptance. A finality in it.

She loved him—she was letting him go.

"She means a lot to you, doesn't she?" Ran asked, and he fell silent, unable to look at the girl in front of him. Ran had waited for him—had been patient. Shinichi had seen her crying many nights before. Had seen her longing to be with him. Had seen the desperation and frustration at his haphazard phone calls—yet she still waited.

Shinichi had understood that loneliness.

"I never want to see her cry anymore," he told Haibara and the professor on a snowy evening two years ago. After receiving chocolates from the raven-haired beauty, Haibara warned him against telling Ran about the organization. Shinichi was worried back then—and always was. The prospect of his childhood friend dying truly scared him, and it still did.

She was a constant, a part of his old life.

"Even if it means I no longer exist in her heart."

Kudou Shinichi was confident, a person who thought he could accomplish anything. He was brash and confident—too proud. He had thought himself her hero, a protector. Edogawa Conan knew better than that. His abilities weren't unlimited. Sometimes he had to ask for help. And despite her kindness, despite her companionship throughout—there were some things Shinichi could never tell Mouri Ran.

I did love her. But it was different. He was beginning to see it now.

Hiding it from her was the only way, he had told himself. To protect her from the evils of the organization. He knew better. The truth was always there.

He was willing to let her go.

Shinichi could not hurt this girl any longer. He gathered his courage and was determined to tell the truth.

"Yes," he admits.

The desperation, coupled with sheer undulating terror, still haunted him. Shinichi realizes it as soon as he sees Haibara lying in a pool of blood.

He could not live if she had died.

And Ran smiles, the sadness lingers, but it was warm.

"It's going to end soon, isn't it?" Ran confirmed, and Shinichi nodded.

"We are going for the head, we are going to cut them off, we are going to take them out," he said with conviction.

"I'll do whatever I can to help."

"Thanks, Ran. I'll be your debt."

"Oh, you owe me," she embraced him.

"Ran?"

"I missed you, Shinichi." She smiled and shed happy tears as he chuckled.

The hug was warm, tight, a painful tug of goodbye, and she released him.

It had to be done, and they had to move forward.

Shinichi had reverted back to his childhood form an hour later, Ran fetching in his childhood clothes as Shinichi appeared stark naked beside her. Now he was sitting next to her in a taxi on the way to the hospital.

It was striking how similar his actions are to Shinichi's. The fact that he managed to keep it a secret for so long was nothing short of a miracle. It made Ran want to punch herself. The memories of her time with the boy. The suspicions she had. Ran should have listened to them. Then maybe she could have helped him. Perhaps things would have been different.

"He did it to protect you, to protect us," the clumsy boy named Hondou Eisuke had told her. There was a scent of blossoming life in the air. In the spring breeze, Sakura flowers swayed gently. It had been a nice day, even if the news was anything but.

She couldn't leave the boy alone after that. He was ambushed by the media at the school gate, asking about a deceased sister who was killed by the mysterious organization. Rena Mizusashi had been a relatively popular newscaster. Ran remembered her from one of the cases her father had taken up. It was a cruel move. Eisuke had not known that his sister had died. The meek boy struggled to escape them, but they were relentless, and he gave up. Ran had seen that expression before. Eisuke carries a defeated look, like a fourteen-year-old Shinichi. A Shinichi who had gazed into an abyss and could not let it go. After seeing Eisuke in that form, she had marched forward and brushed the reporters away. Grabbing him—they ran. They were chased, but she was fast. Years of karate training had made her fit, and Eisuke was wheezing when they arrived by the courtyard. Ran slapped his back, and he fell forward, blushing when she smiled.

They sat in the bleachers a little later, watching as running students trained for upcoming athletic competitions. News of the organization seemed far away. But it was far from it.

"I'm sorry," she started, "About your sister."

Eisuke had only smiled. Deep sadness ran through him. She reached out and grabbed his hands tightly. She'd done the same before for a girl with auburn hair. The shock on his face mirrored that of a girl named Haibara Ai.

The words poured from his lips. Eisuke described an undercover family that had been involved in crime. A father and sister trying their best to give him a semblance of a normal life. An innocent family buried in secrets to protect their loved ones. A family that sacrificed everything to keep him safe. He wept furiously. The boy talked about his misery, how he had found himself alone in the wake of his sister's sudden death from the news released and was unable to cope. How he vowed to bring down the organization, how he met Shinichi, and about a scientist her childhood friend was protecting. Ran took it all in, and her suspicions grew. Seeing Eisuke hurt, but knowing Shinichi lied to her hurt even more.

Ran was confused and did not know how to handle these feelings, but when Eisuke reached out and fell into her embrace, she felt something shift. Although it was not significant, it was undoubtedly there.

"I want to help, Eisuke-kun," she told the boy, and he smiled, squeezing her hands tightly, reassuringly.

"Thank you, Mouri-san."

Through his tear-stained expression, he smiled. Eisuke was strong, far stronger than she was. Stronger than anyone she knew. She could not picture the pain of losing everyone and still going on with life. It was almost debilitating just to imagine losing her parents. Yet here he stood, determined to take down the organization and live.

"It's Ran," she corrected him, and his eyes widened in shock. "Eisuke-kun."

It was different. Ran had thought, glancing at the boy quietly. It wasn't the sickening longing she had felt for Shinichi or worry about not knowing if he'd be back or if he felt the same way she did. No, she was comfortable with Eisuke, knowing he would rely upon her. Seeing the blush on his cheeks made her feel warm, so she turned away. Their relationship was changing, deepening.

Ran wasn't as surprised by Shinichi's revelation. It still stung, and the throbbing sensation in her chest would not leave. Ran knew the end was near in her heart and that he would reveal everything to her later. Truth be told, she hoped Shinichi still had feelings for her. Ran had wished to return to the carefree days before this mess and almost crumbled when she saw the determination in his eyes. His gaze was no longer fixed on her— but on a shrunken scientist stuck in the hospital.

"Ran, you're not redundant," Eisuke had told her as they walked together in one of their many meetings after that, "you don't know how many times you have saved me."

The boy, clumsy as he was—was surprisingly perceptive and honest. A wry smile graced his lips as he revealed to her his inner thoughts. And she was again stunned by the trust he had in her.

"Eisuke, I don't feel strong even now, and I'm afraid I might cry if Shinichi tells me—'"

Brown, warm chestnut eyes had peered into her own. With a smile that held gentle affection, Eisuke brushed her hair from her cheeks, tucking it behind her ears. "Ran, believe in yourself. You're stronger than you think."

She blushed, the memories she had tucked away emerging slowly.

As the days passed, they hung out more. Sometimes with Sonoko, sometimes with Sera. When Eisuke asked about her life, past, and relationships with Shinichi, the pressure and loneliness she felt from his absence were quelled by the gentle boy who walked next to her.

She did not need a hero. No.

All she wanted was a partner.

And she understood, for the first time, Shinichi, who sat beside her. That longing, that desperation.

Ran knew it all too well.

It wasn't like she had not noticed. The girl's melancholic smile when she gazed at Shinichi. Her biting remarks pushed him away, followed by the bitter realization of what she had done. The girl had always been hiding. Her true thoughts and feelings are buried behind a wall of grief.

Ran remembered something that happened a year ago. Of a rainy day spent in the professor's house. The old man has made a rather odd request. And they sat by his living room, playing a detective game that the professor had developed.

"But, the cases are happening quite often, aren't they," Ran had commented on the game, remembering the afternoon spent in that place.

Her father sat with a bored look, yawning slightly from the monotonous activity. "Isn't that okay?" he states. "It's not like someone is dying for real. If that painful feeling is passed onto the player, then it's got some meaning. But, well, murder is something I only want to see in games or dramas. The real sorrow of losing someone important cannot be compared to that."

It was just a passing remark, but it stuck. Ran noticed the auburn-haired girl standing behind her. The anxiety in her expression was concerning. In retrospect, Ran realizes they were probably followed by the black organization that very day. Smiling bitterly, she sighs. Again, she knew nothing about it.

She remembered asking about Conan-kun. Recalled wanting to head back to the detective agency. However, she was stopped by the sudden cry of a little girl. From Ai-chan. Something she would never have expected.

"Please don't go," she insisted. There was no mistaking the sadness in her green eyes. "Edogawa-kun will be okay. Don't worry." Her voice broke like she was on the verge of tears. It was a stark contrast to the cool, mellowed-out persona she usually displays. Ai-chan sounded like an eight-year-old for once.

"So, please don't go! Please!" She pleads desperately. One that shocks Ran from within. After regaining her senses, Ai-chan glanced at the ground in regret.

Ran remembered the day clearly, and it stayed with her. It held significance now. She had never understood why Ai-chan had treated her so differently, but it was only after Shinichi informed her of her sister's death that Ran understood why.

Haibara Ai carried a burden of guilt. One that she could not escape from.

And the girl—was afraid.

Shinichi will never understand, but she did. Haibara Ai and Mouri Ran were alike in that aspect. However, where she failed to understand his habits and where she failed to accept him for who he was, Ai-chan had. To Ran, Shinichi was a hero, an invisible entity capable of doing anything. After all, he had saved her many times from impossible situations and always came out on top. The man was admired and confident, but he was also human. Ai-chan saw through his facade long before she did. The girl never failed to provide him with the support he needed to be able to be that "superhuman."

"Please help her, Ran," Shinichi had requested. It made her a little nervous, unsure of her ability to help. Ran wanted to, but she was unsure what to do, so she hesitated.

However, when she entered the ward and saw the frail child lying silently on the bed, all her doubts evaporated. She approached the girl, who barely responded. It was hard to look into those green eyes filled with sadness. As though she was drowning, the girl looked like she was sinking into a void.

And Ran knows what she must do.

"Ai-chan," her words were ignored, and she smiled. Standing beside the bed, gazing into her wavering green eyes. "I know what you are." The girl tenses as Ran grips her hand, tightening her hold.

"Please, talk to me."

What was she doing here? She could no longer remain passive when that idiot decided to bring the girl into this. Shiho ignored Ran's touch and turned to the boy standing by the entrance of her room.

"I told you to leave her out of this!" she snapped, finding her voice again. It hurt to speak. Days of keeping quiet made her throat dry and sore. She had not eaten or drunk anything. A drip hanging loosely above her head provided the nutrients and water needed for her survival. Her coughing prompted him to approach her.

"Don't come near me, Kudou," she warned. "It was enough to reveal the location of the organization. There was no need to drag her into this! Do you want her dead!"

"I had no choice, Haibara! You would not respond to me or anyone else! Do you wish to die? Tell me, Haibara!"

"Wow," Shiho sneered, "you got it. Well done, Kudou. Congratulations! "

"Haibara!"

"I don't need your sympathy!" she snapped. The boy stopped talking. The pain grew in her chest, constricting into a ball of anger.

"I hate—"

"That's enough, Ai-chan," Ran interrupted her rant, and Shiho fell back, dazed as azure eyes filled with concern peered into her own. Her sister appeared momentarily before her, smiling sadly. Shiho clenched her fist, not able to look at the girl. "Why are you here?"

"Ai-chan, you have not been taking care of yourself," the girl said. "The professor. The children. Shinichi. Everyone is worried about you."

"I do not care," she whispered, cold, mechanical, "They mean nothing. Just leave me alone."

It was easier to turn to anger. Shiho understood it. She could control it.

"I am sick of hearing you say that," Shinichi groaned. "Haibara, stop talking like that. Brooding in the corner, hiding behind lies will not help you!" The frustration was evident in his taut body, and she snorted.

"Then leave, Kudou!"

"You do not mean that," Ran studied her with a thoughtful expression. She knew.

In a moment of weakness, she failed to hide the shock. The girl could see through her lies just as easily as Shinichi had.

Shame engulfed her almost immediately. Heavy remorse weighed down, crushing her with the knowledge that she had once again ruined the girl's chance. The girl who resembled her sister, Akemi— who tried in vain to save her. Everybody she touches is ruined by her curse, by the tenacious darkness that won't let her go.

"Ai-chan, you cannot hide in silence forever," Ran continued, "I understand that talking about it may be difficult, but you must."

"And what should I say?" Shiho's despair deepened. Her past had caught up to her, and she could barely keep it together. Her mind was consumed with the memories of abuse and the last goodbyes she would never hear again. Her longing was too much to bear, and she found solace in the scalpel she had stabbed into her wrist.

Ran tightened his grip on hers. The girl possessed a warmth that made it hard to pull away. "You could start by telling me your real name." She answered, smiling gently, her eyes softening.

The raven-haired girl appeared once again, like a wild card. Just like the day at the docks, she dashes through the bullets without any regard for herself. Not caring if she died. Protecting her from Vermouth. "No, don't struggle, please!" her voice, a desperate plea as she pins her down. She was shaking, trembling, and unimaginably scared but—

"Help will be here shortly. So, please," Through tears-soaked cheeks, she refuses to let Shiho go. Her body shields her from the cold, making her feel safe. Never giving in to her fear.

Onee-chan.

She couldn't. Not again. She could not make the same mistake ever again.

"I can't," Shiho muttered, "I have already taken so much from you. I will never be able to make amends for what I have done." Her buried feelings poured out. The poison deepened.

"Idiot," it was Shinichi who spoke next, "Who was the one who went after me after a car accident?" The memories of her past exploits flooded back. "Who saved me from Vermouth? From a raging flood? Who gave me an antidote that allowed me to enjoy my time in London? Who came to my rescue whenever I was in danger?"

The list kept going, and Ran was laughing softly as he finished.

"Haibara," he stated, "there is nothing to repay. I just want you to be well."

Shiho was lost for words, and Ran's gaze focused on hers. "We're here for you. If your sister were anything like me, she would have no regrets. Do not run from your fate, Ai-chan."

Her words mirrored that of Shinichi. Ayumi's words came back to bite her on that fateful rainy day in the back of a police car.

"If I give up now, I will never win!" the little girl said with conviction as she grimaced. Ran, holding her close, not letting her go. These girls. Shiho could never understand. Unrelenting, never giving up, possessing courage that she did not have. Their fear transforms into strength. A dangerous but comforting feeling of hope.

Eyes misting over, she tried to control it, but they were relentless, whispering words of comfort. Gin…Vermouth…the organization, she could never escape their grasp. Too much damage had been done, and she still felt tainted. Disturbed by the experience, stained by the sins she had committed, humiliated, and guilty for the people she failed to save. But, they held onto her and kept her grounded.

"Shiho, when we're free," her sister had told her the day before she died. Hopeful eyes, looking to a future that can never be, "We will do anything, you will heal, we will live."

"Onee-chan, we should stop. It's too dangerous."

"We will have a future," Akemi insisted. The hope displayed, given to her by the woman named Akemi Miyano, is too precious, too heavy to bear. It was powerful, and Shiho wanted to know a life free of the organization. Her desires lead them both to certain doom.

Shiho choked, looking at Ran. The girl's image merges with that of her sister, "Stop. You'll get killed. Please, just stop."

"Ai-chan," Ran stopped her, blue eyes wavering, the pain turning into acceptance as she squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Quit lying to yourself. You deserve to be happy; please let us help you."

Sincerity laced her words, and Shiho slumped, lips quivering as she struggled with herself.

Akemi.

Shiho leaned over, her heart flooded with sadness, with longing. "Onee-chan," she said, "Onee-chan..." Her soft cries grew louder, her words escaping her mouth. The numbness, the emptiness she imposed on herself evaporated, and all that was left was the gut-wrenching anguish of loss.

She would never see Akemi again. No longer would she feel her gentle touch. Her kindness, her laughter…her voice. Her warmth was extinguished like a candle in the wind. The pain was too much for her, no...wracked with sobs, she tried to breathe but failed miserably. She was gently drawn into an embrace. Arms wrapped tightly around her, holding onto her, reaching deep. A warmth that she never expected to feel again.

While she cried, the older girl held onto her tightly, tears rolling down her own cheeks. "Onee-chan," Shiho called, wanting to hear Akemi's voice again. Wanted to see her again. Wanting and longing for the future that was promised.

"I'm here," Ran whispered, "I'm here, Ai-chan, Shinichi, the professor, Ayumi, Genta, and Mitsuhiko, we're always here."

"Ai-chan," Ran continued, almost hearing her sister's voice, "You're not alone anymore."

For a long time, she wept, the sorrow and grief too great to bear alone. She was held by Ran as Shinichi whispered comforting words into her ear. Exhausted from the pain, she fell into a deep slumber. And when she came to, she found the boy sitting beside her and Ran smiling at her, hands still wrapped around her own.

Shinichi held her when she woke, hugging her gently. His warmth enveloped her. And the desires she had kept locked away overflowed. Her grip tightened on his shirt. With his fingers running through her auburn hair, his gaze intense. The growing needs of her pounding heart could no longer be suppressed.

"You stink, Kudou," Shiho masked her shyness as she pushed him away gently, and he gawked at her. Ran smiles at the sight.

"Haibara, you-" His eyes widened as she grasped him by his collar and pulled him forward. When Shinichi stumbled, she held onto him.

"Idiot," he muttered when she leaned on him.

A wide grin broke out across his lips, and joy filled his face. Shiho relented as the two teenagers, who had previously been strangers, embraced her. Fate had intervened. Ayumi was right. Finding the courage, she steeled herself. They would be questions, answers to be given, and memories she wasn't willing to share.

"Akemi," she whispered, "Onee-chan."

The pain still reached deep, but—

They were here.

Episodes used:

Episode 270- Old woman, watching the television getting crushed by a vase episode.

Episode 345- How can you not know this episode O.o

Episode 347- Ayumi telling Haibara that she rather fight than run

Episode 425- Haibara stops Ran from going home

This chapter was harder to write than the previous 4 chapters combined XD. I hope you enjoy this. I'm sorry for people hoping for a Shiho and Shinichi moment, but this has to happen for it to progress to the real arc of the story :D The next chapter is something I have been wanting to write ever since the story began. Anyway, thanks for the reviews and feedback, I really appreciate it.