They were returning to Camelot, it was the morning after the Looters and Arthur finding out about Will's magic. Arthur had not spoken a single word to Merlin since, he didn't even look at him. And it was a very obvious thing, it didn't go unnoticed, by either Hunith or Merlin. And Merlin tried, oh he tried...but Arthur refused. He couldn't help it, he was hurt. Yes, it was true, Merlin knew Arthur's outlook on magic, but did he think so little of Arthur that he would come marching into Ealdor and murder Will in cold blood? Perhaps Merlin did think that...and there lay the problem.
Arthur readied the horses, a cruel bastard he may be, in Merlin's eyes, but he still allowed him to say a proper goodbye to Hunith and even Will, if he meant so much to Merlin, that he was willing to go against Arthur for him. Perhaps they were just better friends. Arthur busied himself with the horses, trying not to think so much, he was giving himself a headache, and he didn't know what he wanted to do more, punch Merlin in the face or cry. Maybe both at the same time...but he would do neither.
"Arthur," came a voice and it was Hunith's, he sighed, because although he knew it was much too feminine to be Merlin's voice, just the idea of Merlin taking to him, at this moment, made him uneasy. Arthur looked up, and smiled as Hunith approached him. It was a bit cold out, as it was nearing the winter months, and soon before long snow would start to fall. She had a shawl around her shoulders, that was patched in many places. "I wanted to speak to you before you left..."
"Of course," he told her, dropping what he was doing, which was retying the bedrolls once again, though he had already done it three times. "What can I do for you?"
He was willing to do many things for Hunith, because he liked her, and he respected her. She had to be a good, strong woman to have raised Merlin of all people. The one thing, though, he hoped she would not ask, was to forgive him, because although he would tell her he would, and mean it, it wasn't going to come easy. Hunith looked up at him, and her smile caught him by surprise, it reminded him of the fond smile Merlin had given him after he had let the Unicorn live, and to Arthur's surprise, he did not hate it, as he feared he hated Merlin right now, though he knew he really didn't. No, for some reason the smile made him feel just a little bit better. He stare at her, until she spoke...
"I wanted to thank you, Sire," she told him and he frowned, suddenly, at her calling him Sire and she corrected herself. "Arthur..."
"For the Looters? I-"
"No, not for them," she said, quickly, he watched her, smile fondly still, but he was confused, then what else? "For taking care of Merlin. I know you are cross with him, and you have every right to be, Arthur. I know how Merlin can be; Careless and foolish, even if I know he's smart...somewhere in there. It gives me peace knowing he has you, he needs someone like you, to keep his head on straight, and you need him just as much...I can see it, just by the way you look at each other."
Oh no, Arthur thought, not another one...this, if possible, was much worse than her asking for him to forgive Merlin. "I don't think-"
But she stopped him almost at once, clearly not done yet. She leaned forward and touched his face, as she had done the day before, and Arthur allowed himself to be silenced. "Merlin is wild, sometimes it feels as if he is untamabl ...he can be disrespectful and argumentative, he gets himself into trouble at every chance he gets, something he got from his Father, I think..." she smiled, but this one much sadder and Arthur didn't know what to do about it, so he continued to stand there, wordlessly. "You remind me of myself, Arthur, kind hearted...at least I like to hope so-"
"You are," he said, without thinking about it for even a second, and she let out a soft laugh.
"Always trying to be fair, and trying to keep the peace," she continued.
"I'm not very good at keeping the peace," he admitted.
"Neither am I," she grinned and he smiled too. "But even so we try. And I know it's hard, but no matter what happens between you, promise me you will keep him safe, Arthur. Protect him, as I know he would you."
"I will," said Arthur, though he had no idea why he agreed to this so quickly, or why he felt so moved by this. He felt he owed her something, yet he did not. Her smile warmed his heart though, and as she pulled her hand from his face he wished he had a mother to return home to, who would touch him like this. But he did not. He thought of something though, and he took his chance, to ask, before he could decide against it. "You mentioned Merlin's father...why has he never mentioned him to me before?"
"He never met him," said Hunith, and the happy smile she had given him was gone, almost at once. "He was long gone before Merlin had been born."
"Oh," Arthur mumbled, feeling a bit stupid now, for asking. Of course he had died, it was wrong of Arthur to have asked, and brought up bad memories for her. That was the last thing he wanted. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be," she told him. "He was a good man to me, we had many happy memories..." She sighed and smiled up at Arthur again. "You know...he had worked for your Father, in Camelot...before. That's how he met Giaus and...Gaius introduced us."
"You know Gaius?" asked Arthur, but of course she did, why else had she sent her son to live with him? Arthur shook his head, but she only laughed.
"Anyone who wishes to be someone knows Gaius."
Arthur laughed too, and shrugged. "I suppose you're right..."
Before long both Merlin and Arthur were on horses, leaving Ealdor, not without both getting hugs before they left from Hunith. They rode out, and it was probably hour or so into the journey, before Merlin started trying to get Arthur to talk to him. He ignored him at every turn, for as long as he could mange it...
"Arthur...I know you're angry-"
"I'm not angry," he retorted, though, the bite in his words was there, he was trying to be kinder, softer, as he had promised Merlin's Mother he would be. In Arthur's mind, that's what she was asking of him, to be gentle, but he was failing her. "I'm hurt," he continued, with the truth, though he wished he hadn't. Because he sounded a bit like a love stricken girl. "You chose Will over me..."
"I didn't choose him over you," said Merlin, who urged his horse forward to ride along side next to Arthur. Arthur refused to look at him still.
"You didn't tell me...you should have told me!" said Arthur, letting the anger fill him up, just a little, even if he had promised otherwise. "You knew...the whole time! But you chose to protect him!"
"Of course I did, Arthur..." said Merlin, and the confirmation of it hurt Arthur more than he thought it would. "What was I suppose to do, Walk into Ealdor and hand him over to you? I Kept his secret because he is my friend...I didn't want-"
"You didn't want me to kill him..." nodded Arthur, his voice cold. He could hear Merlin swallow hard, next to him. He still refused to look.
"Can you blame me...?"
"YES!" shouted Arthur suddenly, and it made his horse jump a little, he felt badly, but continued on anyway. "You really think I would kill him? Knowing that he is your friend...you really think that poorly of me?"
"I..." Merlin spoke, but then trailed off after, and Arthur urged his horse forward now, to go faster.
"I think...that's all I needed to hear."
They spent the rest of the day not speaking, and the words Hunith had spoke to him earlier toyed with his brain, as they stopped for camp and he watched Merlin make a fire. Arthur didn't feel as angry now, more hurt than anything else. And he knew how foolish it was to be hurt, but he couldn't help it, no matter how much he tried. Merlin offered Arthur food, wordlessly, and Arthur refused it, wordlessly. Crossing his arms and looking passed the cleft they were camping by. Merlin only sighed, set it on the ground next to him and walked away to go check on the horses. Arthur didn't touch the food, even after Merlin had gone. He wondered why Merlin bothered, what was the point...what was the point of any of it? When Merlin returned, Arthur's eyes caught his, on accident, and he could see the hurt in them, and he selfishly hoped Merlin could see his, too. After all, it wasn't Arthur who kept something from him. Merlin sat down next to Arthur, even though Arthur found that rather stupid, and they said nothing for several minutes.
"You should really eat..." said Merlin, after a bit of both of them just staring into the fire and Arthur couldn't quite handle it any longer.
"What's the point?" he retorted, repeating his thought from a few moments ago, and he caved, and looked over at him, with a glare. Arthur's harsh tone, made Merlin jump in the air a little, as he spoke. "Do you even want to be in Camelot? Are you happy there?"
"Are you sacking me?" asked Merlin, in return, and Arthur stare at him for a second, dumbfounded by his stupidity.
"No..." he said, glaring at Merlin still. "Answer the question!"
"Yes, I want to be there, and yes I'm happy there..." he said, quietly. "My destiny is there, all the people I care about are there, Gaius, and Gwen...Morgana..."
"But not me," retorted Arthur, and Merlin stare at him now, much the same he had at him, like Arthur were stupid. But he wasn't stupid, it was clear as day, everyone was wrong, Merlin couldn't give two sh-
"Of course you, Arthur!" said Merlin, quickly, and it felt like a bit of a cover up to Arthur. He stood up quickly, and took a few steps away, needing a moment to just think...and think clearly, to not allow anyone else's foolish and ignorant words meddle with his brain. But when he turned around, Merlin was right there, standing right in front of him. "How could you ever think I don't care about you...?"
"Shut up, Merlin," said Arthur coldly, trying to walk away again, but Merlin grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Let me go...now."
"No," said Merlin, stubbornly, and Arthur got angry and shoved him back. He nearly fell, but a tree stopped his tumbling. "Why do you have to act like such a spoiled brat?!" shouted Merlin now, and Arthur didn't say anything, because he might have a point. But Arthur was hurt and angry, and that made him act rashly. Maybe Hunith was wrong, he wasn't like her at all.
"You will not tell me what I am," he spat back, in such a cruel voice he could match that of his Father, when he found a sorcerer. Though, Arthur supposed he had, just wasn't man enough to do anything about it. "You are a servant, nothing more, you have no right to tell me anything!"
"Arthur, sometimes you're just so..." but Merlin stopped and shook his head. And Arthur had almost wanted to hear it, some stupid insult like Clotpole or Prat, some normalcy between them, but it didn't come. "There's no point, is there...?"
"If you have something to say, say it!" retorted Arthur. Merlin shook his head, yet again, but Arthur goaded him. "This is your chance...say it!"
"Sometimes, Arthur, you're so....rude!" said Merlin, and Arthur felt that was rather clam, from what he thought Merlin was going to say, he scoffed at this, as Merlin continued on. "You're arrogant, and pompous. You think you're owed something because you're a Prince...you were a guest in my village, and yet all you did was complain. About my Mother's house, about her cooking...somehow she still liked you, but that's not the point..."Merlin took a deep breath, looking almost crazed, with wide eyes, as he went on. "You claim titles don't matter to you, you say it isn't right for someone to be treated different for who they are...but that's exactly what you do, Arthur!" Arthur just stare at Merlin now, the scoff, long gone, echoed in his throat, he felt pain there, like the breath was caught there and he couldn't breathe. "You judge me...you think less of me because my village is poor, because I am a servant. I know why you hate the idea of people thinking we're in love so much...because you think I am beneath you, I am not worthy of you, because I am just a lowly servant...and you, a great Prince!"
Merlin stopped, and his cheeks had gone red and looked like he might cry now, and Arthur just stood there, not sure how to react. First, he thought he would punch him, and then fire him. But instead, after a long moment, of the two just staring at each other, Arthur only felt shame now. "I had no idea you thought so little of me, Merlin..."
"I don't," said Merlin and Arthur shook his head.
"Clearly you do," he said, and he tried to make his voice sound light, as if Merlin's rant didn't hurt him, but he couldn't quite make it be so. And Merlin took a step toward him, and Arthur, anger gone now, only left with a bit of a hollow feeling inside, let him.
"I think the very best of you, Arthur," he said, softly, and with a kind smile, that reminded Arthur of Hunith. "I know it's there, because I've seen it. It's just sometimes...you're a prat."
"And you're an idiot," he retorted, in a soft tone, he didn't know he could give Merlin. He thought it was saved for woman and small children, and perhaps small, fluffy animals, when no one was looking. Merlin smiled at this, and came a bit closer.
"I know..." he agreed. "It's kind of our thing. You're a Prat and I'm an Idiot, even though I'm really not, but I let you pretend anyway...and I wouldn't want it any other way...I really wouldn't."
Arthur didn't say anything for a long moment, feeling a bit dumb for a lot of reasons. Mostly, because he allowed Merlin to think so poorly of him, no matter what he said otherwise, and he wished to fix that, whatever he had to to. "Why are you still so close to me?" he asked now though, because he wished to fix it, but not right now. Right now he just wanted not to talk anymore about things that made him uncomfortable, and possibly eat something. "Are you waiting for a hug or something, you giant girl?"
"Well, I thought...maybe...just this once."
No...I don't hug."
(A/N: I just changed this chapter a lot, just before posting it, so if something doesn't seem right, let me know, I just reworded some things and added a few words, I normally do that but not THIS much, this one took me a bit. Oh well, I enjoy the rant, so I wanted to post it. This whole rant Merlin just laid out so nicely for Arthur was kind of mirrored to the rant Gwen gives him in season 2, just more...Merlin-y. I think it is needless to say that there will be no Gwen/Arthur relationship in this story, because frankly it feels rushed and forced and I don't like it, and that's just my opinion, if you like it...then that's you and you do you, baby! But, maybe if they spent more time building it up and making them get to know each other and find things in common with each other, then I could be on board. And don't get me wrong, her rant to him is A+, but then like...he likes her after that? EH?! And they just go from We Don't Really Talk to I WANT TO WED YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW too damn quick, I'm sorry...and now I am ranting like Merlin, oi, anyway...please enjoy this chapter and stuff!)