The day after the first Hogwarts letter, two more arrived. They were persistent. Aurora debated throwing them out of the window. She didn't want to go, not now. Arcturus had said he would take her to get her first wand when she got her acceptance letter and she'd waited and waited and now it was here. And he couldn't take her. Her tears seemed to burn her eyes and she thought she'd burst from the effort of trying not to cry.
Aunt Lucretia took her to stay with her and Uncle Ignatius and four owls found them there. "You haven't relied to your letter?" Ignatius asked her with a frown, and she shook her head.
"It — it came the day after..." She was lost for words but he understood. He even smiled gently.
"It's alright. I'll write back and explain the situation." He looked at her for a moment. "Do you still want to go?"
She thought about it, and then she shrugged, then remembered shrugging was impolite and said, "I don't know. He — he was supposed to take me to get my wand!"
"I know, Aurora," said Uncle Ignatius. He tried to hug her but she didn't want him to. She wanted Arcturus to hug her, to tell her not to cry in the only way that actually stopped her from crying. She wanted him to still be here because it wasn't fair. None of it was fair. She wasn't ready to grow up.
"I want to go for a walk," she said sharply, and turned around so he wouldn't see her crying when she walked away.
The funeral was held a few days later. There had been no more letters from Hogwarts, so Aurora assumed Ignatius had written to them on her behalf, but she didn't ask. She sat in her room most of the time and only came out for meals, because she didn't want Lucretia and Ignatius to look at her and think she was going to cry, or whine. Because she was a Black and Blacks had to hold their heads up high but she didn't want to. She wanted to cry.
She had expected a quiet affair as had been held for her grandmother. But Arcturus' funeral had attracted quite the crowd, a whole host of witches and wizards she had never met before and who either didn't care to know her or exchanged significant looks when they heard who she was. She hated it. Everyone was around her and looking at her and she wanted to hex them all so that they'd get out of her way and she could be in peace. But Arcturus had insisted on diplomacy, he had insisted that she rose above it all — so that was what Aurora tried to do.
She didn't know what to do. Sometimes she wanted to cry but Arcturus had told her not to in his last moments, and Blacks didn't cry. It was a rule, and especially important when she was surrounded by other pure bloods.
Draco was there, though. He and his parents sought her out, and Narcissa Malfoy wrapped an unusually warm arm around her shoulders. "I'm so sorry," Draco told her quietly, and looked at his parents for confirmation. "I always liked your Arcturus." She just nodded numbly.
"We've spoken to Lucretia and Ignatius," said Mrs Malfoy. "They were going to see if Ignatius' niece could take you to Diagon Alley with her children, she has a son your and Draco's age, but I think it best if you come with us instead."
She shook her head. "I don't want to."
"You don't want to?" Lucius Malfoy's voice was cold. She'd always disliked that about him, and it felt worse now. "Why ever not?"
She didn't meet his eyes even though she knew she ought to have. "I just don't."
"We can get everything else for you," Mrs Malfoy started worriedly, "but you will have to get your wand yourself."
"I don't want to," she said again, more forcefully and stood up, legs shaking. "I don't want to! I don't want to go to Diagon Alley, I don't want to get a wand, and I don't want to go with you!"
She stormed off, cheeks blazing, certain she was going to cry as she ducked behind a bush and curled up, already feeling guilty that she might have disappointed Arcturus with her outburst. But she couldn't do this. She didn't want to go to Hogwarts, not anymore. She didn't want to be in Slytherin and she didn't want to not be in Slytherin, just in case. Part of her expected Draco to come and find her, but he didn't. No one came looking for her until the funeral dispersed and Uncle Ignatius and Aunt Lucretia appeared.
"That was quite the speech you made to the Malfoys," Uncle Ignatius said sternly. "You mustn't speak to them like that."
"It's true," she blurted out. "I don't want to."
"You have to," said Aunt Lucretia, straightening up. She looked haughty and in control, like any Black woman should. "I know you are hurting, but this your role, it is tradition, and you will not abandon tradition for the sake of grieving. You are eleven years old. There is plenty of time for grief."
Aurora shook her head. "But I'm upset now."
"Then don't be. You are a Black."
"I know that!"
"Don't cry. Don't whine. Do as I tell you. You're coming to Diagon Alley with us."
They took her to Diagon Alley on the first day of August. The sun was shining brightly and Aurora hated it. She glared at the sky until her eyes hurt and she could hardly see, and then Aunt Lucretia dragged her along the street. "Stop that," she snapped. "You look foolish, Aurora."
"I'm holding my head high," she said, though she did tear her gaze away from the sun. It was starting to make her cry.
Aunt Lucretia got their money from the Gringotts vault while Aurora was made to wait outside with Uncle Ignatius. "You'll get your own vault when you're seventeen," he told her. "Your grandmother's inheritance has reverted to you apparently, and you've come into an awful lot of money following Arcturus' death."
"I don't want it," she muttered, scuffing her feet on the ground. Ignatius frowned and she remembered that was wrong, so she straightened up and stood still and perfect until Aunt Lucretia returned. She looked at her approvingly. "Come on, both of you. I thought Madam Malkin's first and then Flourish and Blott's and the apothecary. The rest of what we need we have at home — and then we can get you your wand."
It was immeasurably difficult, but Aurora managed to smile at Aunt Lucretia and kept the smile up until they reached the robe shop. "How about we pop into a shop just across the road?" Aunt Lucretia said, smiling forcedly as Aurora went to go inside. "Meet us outside when you're finished, alright? No wandering off."
They left her there and she wasn't entirely surprised. She went inside Madam Malkin's alone and was pleased to find it empty, as she sat patiently on a stool for the shop owner to measure her and fit her Hogwarts robes. "You're awfully quiet, dear," Madam Malkin observed. "Where are your parents?"
She didn't know how to reply. "My aunt and uncle are in another shop."
Malkin's eyes softened. "I see." She hummed a little. "Any idea what house you'd like to be in?"
"Slytherin," she said immediately, and Madam Malkin raised her eyebrows.
"Really? That's an interesting one."
"It is?" Aurora stared at her, unsure why anyone wouldn't want to be in Slytherin.
"Quite so." She patted her gently on the arm. "You can get down now. You're an easy fitting, and an easy customer. I had two boys in earlier, both arguing." She shook her head. "Come over and I'll give you the price."
Aurora looked around distractedly as Madam Malkin input the prices of her sets of robes, and then she handed over the money silently. Aunt Lucretia and Uncle Ignatius were already waiting for her outside, with her ingredients from the apothecary and her books from Flourish and Blotts. "I wanted to choose my own books," she said shortly, frowning.
"Well, we wanted to save time," said Aunt Lucretia. "And now we can go and get your wand."
She'd dreaded hearing that. Aurora walked as slowly as she ever had up the winding street, until they reached a shabby looking shop with peeling paint that bore the name Ollivander. "This is the one," Uncle Ignatius said with a grin. "Come inside, hopefully there's not a queue."
There wasn't a queue, but there was one dark haired boy already in there, who seemed to be having a bit of trouble. He had with him a man who Aurora thought might have been his father, except the man was like the size of two or three normal men, and the boy was very small and skinny. She frowned, watching as he tried wand after wand.
"We don't have to get me a wand," she whispered desperately to Aunt Lucretia, who stared at her.
"Don't be ridiculous, Aurora. You can't go to Hogwarts without a wand."
"I can use Arcturus' old one—"
"Absolutely not." She had never seen her aunt so pale and so obviously annoyed with her. "My father's wand was buried with him. Now stop your whining. It doesn't suit you." She shut up immediately.
It seemed like ages before the other boy was given his wand and hurried out of the shop, looking flustered. He glanced at Aurora and seemed to smile faintly. She just stared back at him, wondering if she could make a break for it, and darted out of the door. The boy startled in surprise as Aurora ducked behind the giant man he had with him, who turned around and stared.
"Shh," she pleaded, pressing her finger to her lips and shaking her head.
"What are you doing?" the boy whispered.
"Hiding. My aunt and uncle are trying to get me to find a wand."
The boy frowned. "Don't you want a wand?"
She shook her head, and motioned for him to come with her as she attempted to sneak away. She was headed towards Knockturn Alley, where she was very much not allowed to go and where she hoped her aunt and uncle wouldn't find her. "We've lost Hagrid," the boy whispered. "He's meant to be showing me around, I don't know where I'm going."
"How do you lose someone that tall?" Aurora whispered back, sneaking along by Flourish and Blotts. "And it's fine, I do know where I'm going. Just stick with me."
"But why don't you want a wand?" The boy looked at her worriedly, something like recognition in his very green eyes. "Are your aunt and uncle—"
"Aurora." Aunt Lucretia's voice was sharp and furious. Aurora's cheeks heated furiously as she turned to see her aunt towering over her. "What on Earth do you think you are doing, sneaking away from us?"
"I don't want—"
"You are getting a wand and that is that, Aurora." Aunt Lucretia's eyes landed on the boy and she startled, going somewhat white. "Who is this?"
"I don't know." Aurora shrugged. "Can I not just—"
"No, Aurora." Aunt Lucretia bent down. "I know you are grieving my father, and I know you really wanted him to take you to get your wand. It's important as a tradition and I understand that. But you still have to get one. Arcturus wouldn't want you to go without. He would want you to move on, to fulfill the role he has handed to you. He had such faith in you, Aurora."
"But he promised." Aurora's lip was wobbling, and she looked up and away from Aunt Lucretia and the boy, determined not to cry. "He said he'd take me to get my wand."
"I know. But he can't, Aurora, so I am. Come on now, say goodbye to your friend."
"Bye," Aurora mumbled.
The boy did the same. "I should find Hagrid."
She nodded and smiled weakly at the boy. Aunt Lucretia was frowning like she wasn't sure what to say about it. "Sorry for separating you. But he won't be too hard to find, I'm sure!"
The boy cracked a smile. "Yeah, probably not. Will I see you at Hogwarts?"
Aurora nodded. She too smiled. "Yeah, probably."
"Aurora!"
"Coming!" She nodded stiffly at the boy and then hurried away to join her aunt. "I'm really sorry—"
"Wait until we get home for your apologies, Aurora. That was a foolish thing to do."
"I know, I'm sorry—"
"I said wait."
They went inside the shop where Ignatius was waiting with a wizened man Aurora knew must be Mr Ollivander. Ignatius didn't say anything, but while he looked disapproving his eyes were also kind and worried.
"Come on now, Aurora," said Aunt Lucretia, pulling her forwards to stand before a small, odd-looking man with a shock of straggly silver hair and a curious expression.
"Yes," he said quietly, his voice soft. "I did wonder if I'd be seeing you, young Miss Black." She frowned at him, but remained silent. "How awfully like your father you are... I can see it in your eyes."
"Yes," Aunt Lucretia said snappily, "we all know about Aurora's father, but we are here for a wand, and a wand we shall have."
Ollivander startled to attention with a half smile. Aurora stared him down, hoping he wouldn't mention her father again. "Well then," Ollivander said at last. "Hold out your wand arm for me."
She did so promptly, tilting her chin up so that she was effectively looking down at Ollivander as he measured her arm. "Yes," he murmured, shuffling away into the shadows of his shop. "One moment."
He returned with a narrow box which Aurora recognised as being for a wand. "Alder and unicorn hair. Seven inches. Stubborn." She smiled despite herself as he handed it to her. She could feel the magic twisted inside it, and grinned as she flicked the wand. Nothing happened. With a glare, she tried to flick the wand again, and not so much as red sparks came out.
She glanced up to Ollivander who looked only quietly amused. "Perhaps not," he said cheerfully, and plucked the wand from her hand. "Ash, then?" He handed to her another slim wand box. "With dragon heart string."
"Powerful," she heard Uncle Ignatius murmur. "That was the wand wood Lycoris used." Aurora attempted to use this wand too, and accidentally shattered the window behind her. Aunt Lucretia looked rather disapproving, though Ollivander insisted that this kind of thing happened all the time.
"That one isn't for you," he said, taking the ash wand away.
They went through a number of other wand — black walnut and phoenix tail feather, cherry and dragon heartstring, chestnut and unicorn hair, elm and unicorn hair, maple and dragon heartstring — all of which were of fine and prestigious woods and which, ultimately, did not work. Aurora scowled as she handed back the maple wand, which had broken the doorknob. Aunt Lucretia appeared rather anxious now, whispering to Uncle Ignatius.
Ollivander considered her carefully before he went to get the next wand. His eyes seemed to linger on the door. "I wonder..." He took a wand box from a high shelf and held it out to her. If was of a pretty, richly coloured wood, carved with interesting runes and symbols near the bottom, and twisting at the top. "Hawthorn and dragon heartstring. Eight and a half inches. Slightly springy." He smiled at her and Aurora cautiously flicked it towards the shelves.
The tip lit up a warm golden colour, illuminating the shop. Aurora gasped, beaming, as she felt warmth exude from the wand and wrap around her for a long moment, like it was hugging her, before it faded. She looked to Aunt Lucretia, who was beaming, and then to Ollivander. "Very nice," he said. "That is a smart wand, Miss Black, good for Transfiguration, but often conflicted in its nature. And it likes you."
She smiled as Ollivander took the wand back and Aunt Lucretia paid, beaming at Aurora. "Hawthorn wands perform very well," she told her as they left. "This is a good sign."
Aurora flushed, holding the wand box tightly. She wished Arcturus could have seen this, could have smiled and said he was proud that she had matched with such a good quality of wand. Her heart gave a sharp pang and she forced a wobbly smile, following Aunt Lucretia and Uncle Ignatius home and wondering more about what a hawthorn wand meant for her. She would have to read a book on wand lore, she decided. Just so she knew what she was getting into, before she arrived at Hogwarts.
She almost didn't see the Malfoys coming the other way, and leapt out of the way just in time. Draco turned to stare at her and she almost said hello, were it not for the look on his father's face. Confused, she fell back, frowning at her friend. He glanced at his father almost nervously and subtly shook his head. But she caught him mouthing the words, Write to me, and smiled confusedly as they disappeared into the crowd and her aunt and uncle tugged her further back down the street.