Hours passed slowly, it was well into the night, the fire had all but died out, and there was an odd nip in the air, for it being the middle of summer. But nether paid much mind to these things. The hugging, which probably lasted too long to pass as just normal hugging, even passed the idea of an embrace, and borderlined on just simply holding each other, it had stopped now. But they were still entangled together now, Arthur with his head on Merlin's shoulder and hand in Merlin's lap. Merlin's arm was around Arthur's middle, keeping him there, while the other arms hand played with Arthur's. Merlin's fingers drew shapes into Arthur's palm, it was very relaxing, and Arthur was lolled into an easy calm by it. Merlin's fingers made all kinds of shapes, an M, an X, and A and then an R, and then a T, and then an H...so maybe he was just spelling Arthur's name, and then other shapes, too, that Arthur couldn't see in his mind, so he focused on Merlin's touch instead. Merlin had very soft fingers, although his fingertips were rough, because he was a servant and worked with them so much. But Arthur's hands were rough too, and coarse, from years of holding a sword, so obviously they were not so different after all.

"Did you hear what she said?" he asked, and they had not spoken, not at all, the whole time, and his words were loud and almost unwelcomed in the quiet, but he had to ask, he needed an opinion other than his own.

"Not if you didn't want me to," said Merlin and Arthur laughed at this a little. It was almost like a hum of a laugh, as he used the tip of his nose to touch the bare skin of Merlin's neck and whispered his name into it, in endearment. Merlin took in a sharp breath at this, and Arthur understood they were being very intimate, when they had never been before. Not for this long at least. Arthur had no idea what the morning would bring for them, but for now he didn't want to be cold and alone in the middle of a forest, with a broken heart, he wanted to be locked in Merlin's arms and not worry about the right or wrong thing to do.

"I want you to," he said and Merlin settled down a bit, put himself back together, so it seemed, and nodded.

"I did."

"Do you think my Father was wrong for what he did?"

Merlin shook his head. "No."

"You think my Mother's life was worth giving for mine?"

"I think your father wouldn't have done it if he knew," said Merlin then, rather slowly. "But, yes...I do."

"You would see someone dead for me?"

"Yes...is that wrong?"

"I don't know," admitted Arthur. "Is it wrong I wish he hadn't done it?"

"No," said Merlin then, rather sure, and his fingers were crawling up Arthur's forearm now, crawling like a spider, but it felt nice. "I think I would feel the same way."

"My Mother told me to trust magic," Arthur said then, somewhere between tired and confused. "Yet my Father wishes me to hate it, who do I listen to?"

Merlin sighed then. "I don't know that I am the right person you should be asking this."

"But I am asking you," retorted Arthur. "Do I fight against my Father or do I allow him to continue hurting innocent people in the name of magic?"

Merlin shook his head, and Artur could tell he was getting flustered, Arthur didn't want this, but he also wanted these questions answered. "Uther is the King, and for as long as he lives...we have to follow his rule," said Merlin then, in the most regal voice Arthur had ever heard before. He lifted his head up, to look at him. Merlin looked over then too and smiled at Arthur. "But he will not always be King, one day...you will be, and you can make that decision."

"And if that decision is to allow magic in Camelot once more?" asked Arthur now, looking into Merlin's eyes, to find them rather clouded all of a sudden. "Is that the kind of Camelot you wish to live in?"

Merlin stare at him, with a thin frown on his face and a scrunched brow, it looked like he was making a lot of decisions, all in the matter of a second or two. "The Camelot I wish to live in is safe...from any threat, magic or not, where we can just be...happy."

"That wasn't an answer!" Arthur retorted then, and leaned over and pinched Merlin in the side. "Clotpole!"

"How many times have I told you?" said Merlin then, batting Arthur's hand away. "That is my word!"

"ClotPOLE!" Arthur offered again, with a smirk and Merlin shook his head.

"I hate you..."

"Good," said Arthur then, pressing himself deeper into Merlin's side, closing his eyes.

"If you think you're going to sleep on me all night-"

"That's exactly what I think, Merlin..."

And that is exactly what he did. However, by the time the birds song in the morning got so loud and annoying that Arthur woke up, Merlin was already awake and had slimeballed his way out of Arthur's grip, which then of course meant that when Merlin noticed Arthur was awake and smiled at him so kindly and genuinely, that of course, they didn't speak of a thing that happened the night before. Arthur wished this not to be true, and he had even thought of ways to bring it up, as they traveled back to Camelot together, but none of them came from his mouth, he couldn't bring them. Arthur was brave in many ways, but he was a coward with his feelings. He liked to think it was why he never found the comfort of a woman, it was that or the overwhelming fact hat he had never found woman much appealing. Even the girl he had beded once, a very long time ago, when he was much too young for such foolish things, even then...he hadn't thought her that beautiful, yes she was pretty, but a lot of girls were pretty. Morgana is pretty, Gwen is pretty, but those were just facts, Arthur didn't seek them out because they were pretty, they were his friends. Or as close to friends as Arthur could have. So, yes, this girl was pretty...but she did nothing, made Arthur feel nothing. Maybe he was too young to feel it, but if he was old enough to do it...were they not one in the same?

He vaguely thought this was one of the things he had wished he spoke to his Mother about, perhaps she could explain it better to him. Perhaps she could explain Merlin to him...or maybe not, because Arthur was fairly sure no one could explain Merlin, ever. But after this, he decided not to think about it anymore. It was unpleasant and quite frankly confusing and as they returned to Camelot, after this 'hunting trip,' Arthur was rather tired. It was well into midday when they had returned and Merlin quickly made excuses to leave Arthur, which he did so often...where did he go? Was he just hiding from Arthur so they didn't have to face the unspoken things so head on for a few hours? Maybe, maybe not...

Arthur walked inside the castle, head kind of hurting, still reeling from seeing his Mother, though his tears had dried up, and now he just felt sort of sad about it. He was glad it happened, and he didn't regret it, but if he had the choice again...well, he would do it all the same, but that was only because Arthur was weak and craved his mother's love. He walked up the stairs, one by one, very slowly, he needed a nap he thought. That was when he heard someone calling him. He looked up at the top of the stairs and it was Uther.

That was odd, one did not normally find Uther just walking around, he was always in certain areas. His own champers, the council chambers, or hell...sometimes even Arthur's chambers, but never just wondering through the castle. Arthur noted too, that his Father also looked rather tired.

"I am glad you have returned," said Uther then, as Arthur reached the top step. Arthur looked around worried, at these words.

"Did something happen while I was away?"

"Not at all," said Uther. "Well yes...something did happen, but within."

"Within what?" offered Arthur, confused. Uther smiled at him, a very sad smile.

"I had a vision..." said Uther and Arthur started worrying. Oh good, more enchantments. "Of your Mother, Arthur, she visited me last night...it was like a dream...but I think I were awake."

"I think you were drinking too much again..." said Arthur, but a bit of a lump was lodged in his throat now. "What did she say?"

"She told me she was proud of you," said Uther then, eyes glossed over, as he all but stare blankly at Arthur, as he recalled the words his dead Wife had spoken. "She was pleased I had raised you to be the man you have become, that she misses me..." Uther took in a long breath at this, and Arthur felt the rather familiar sting of tears in the back of his eyes, but he would refuse them this time. "That she wishes more than anything that she could be with us now..."

"I wish for that, too," said Arthur, more softly than he had meant to. Uther looked at him, and really looked at him this time, eyes actually focused on him rather than in thought. "I wish she were here with us..."

"She is with us, Arthur," said Uther then, placing a firm hand on Arthur's shoulder. "She is in our hearts, and she always will be." Arthur nodded, wishing he could get rid of these almost leaking eyes. He needed to man up again, maybe a few spars would do him good. Getting his ass kicked by Leon might help. "Your Mother was an extraordinary woman, even in death she still amazes me," Uther continued then. "I loved her with all of my heart, and I will do so forever."

"I hope one day to find a love like that..." said Arthur, not really thinking, he had just spoken, his mind was all but goo at this point. Uther looked at him with a raised eyebrow then, sadness and wistfulness gone, he smirked. "Oh...don't start about Merlin again, don't dare say it, Father, not right now!"

"I believe you already have," said Uther anyway, and Arthur knew he was right but he hated him for it.

"Have I ever told you to shut up before?" he offered then, Uther shrugged.

"If you wish to sleep in your bed tonight you shall not," he offered back, in return. Arthur seriously considered it anyway. "What is so wrong with admitting you love him?" he asked then, and really...that was the question, wasn't it? Arthur sighed. "I have seen you together, it is disgusting...I have seen much more than a Father should have to. I know it is not just lustful boyishness, Arthur...if it were, you would have lost interest by now. The boy cannot be that good...if you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean..." said Arthur, painfully. "But please, for the love of God...stop!"

"I just cannot seem to understand it," said Uther. "Explain why you do not admit it? Do you not tell him you love him...even in private?" said Uther. "Even under an enchantment I could see it, I remember you told me plainly you would choose him over me...as you should have, in the moment. But surely, you know this means it is much more than just sex."

"I know it is!" Arthur retorted then, feeling his face go red and anger rise in him. Even if in some sort of sick way, Uther thought he was helping. "But I cannot tell him I love him..."

"Why not..?"

"Because, Father!" Arthur shouted now, feeling sort of insane all of a sudden, like all of his inner demons were coming out, like they were raindrops of spit on his Father's face, and he didn't care if he would spend the night in the cells for it. "One day I have to marry for Camelot, and how can I do that if I have him? I won't...I know I won't, and I have no choice but to. So, is it not simpler to just...not say anything?"

"No," answered Uther simply. "You are denying yourself, you are denying him the truth," Uther, who still had a frim hand on Arthur's shoulder, from before, when they were talking of more pleasurable things, like Arthur's dead Mother, he let his hand drop now. "I am sorry this is your fate, I would allow it to be different...but your hand is valuable, your hand can insure Camelot's welfare for years to come...I wish it were not true, Arthur, I know it is cruel."

"I have known it for years, nothing changes now," said Arthur, but his voice was forced and Uther knew it. Uther stare at him, sadly. "Nothing will change."

"You are a better man than me, Arthur," Uther admitted then, and this shocked Arthur, he looked up at his Father, with big, sad blue eyes. "It is true, I am selfish, I take what I want...and damn it all, you allow yourself to hurt, for the good of your people." Arthur only shrugged then, not sure what else he cold say, he wasn't sure if his Father was entirely right or not. Was he really a good man? Many thought not. "But you must tell him..." Uther continued then. "If not for yourself, for him...remember, it is not just you, there are two people in a relationship. He deserves the truth."

Arthur realized then, that his Father was wrong, he was in fact a very bad man, because he couldn't dare, he wouldn't dare tell Merlin he loved him, he was too selfish and too scared to do it. He couldn't look Merlin in the eyes again. If Merlin didn't feel the same way...Arthur would look like an idiot, and if Merlin did feel the same way...well, then they would be cursed with knowing the truth and not being allowed to act on it. It was not worth it, even if Merlin had a right to know, didn't Arthur have a right to keep it to himself? Even if he didn't have the right to keep it to himself, he would continue to do so, because he was selfish and he was a coward. At least with these things, with his own feelings, he was...and Arthur was alright with that.

(A/N: This chapter is short too, and I could have added more, but I liked how it ended. I really just love causing Arthur so much drama, TIS FUN! Next we are going into the Lady Vivian story now and I am going to warn you now, I change quite a bit...like a lot about it, you will see soon. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!)