Arthur wasn't stupid. It was very obvious that something was between them. Too many moments and too many little things that had happened for there not to be. There had been an almost-kiss once and the way they looked into each other's eyes. That could not be normal... Could it? Normal friends, normal servants, and normal masters don't do this. What Arthur did not know is what it was between them. Did Merlin have feelings for Arthur or had Arthur simply projected his feelings onto Merlin and saw more to the situation than was actually there? For a long time now, this had been Arthur's struggle. The thing he could never quite figure out, but now, this… Merlin's lips on his neck, even for the briefest of moments, it was a sign... Perhaps Merlin did in fact, feel something for Arthur.

Arthur could not sleep. He was consumed by these thoughts. He lay there for hours listening to Merlin's slow breathing. Arthur had decided he needed to know and he was not going to be afraid anymore. He was a Knight of Camelot. For God sake, he was the Prince! The fear of death did not plague him and so he would no longer allow his feelings to do so either.

That being said, as soon as Merlin started to stir, Arthur feigned asleep. Watching through hooded eyes as Merlin roused and slipped out of the tent, clearly thinking he had escaped before Arthur woke up. Arthur wouldn't allow it. He was going to ask him and Merlin was going to tell the truth. Arthur was done playing this game. He got up soon after Merlin left, changed clothes, and inadvertently, maybe... wasted as much time as he could before striding out of the tent. Merlin was to be found by the horses packing up all of their things. With false confidence, Arthur walked toward him.

"Merlin." he said, his voice strong, but fighting with himself not to run away. Why was this so terrifying? Arthur has faced all manner of beasts, evil trolls who had bedded his Father, very large men, and countless swords. Why was asking someone if they dare be even half as much in love with Arthur as he was with him. Why was that so horrifying?

Merlin stopped moving, his hands on the back of the horse frozen. Arthur half expected him to run away. He didn't. Instead, he turned around and looked at Arthur. With a look that Arthur could tell, he had no intention of mentioning the night before. That was what they were good at, after all. "Yes Arthur?"

"We need to talk." Merlin, for his part, didn't look very happy, but forced calm to wash over his features. When he revealed nothing, Arthur continued. "About what happened last night..."

And the forced calm that Merlin put himself in was gone almost at once. His body tensed and he shook his head. "Arthur," he said, and he sounded scared. Arthur understood why, but they had to face this. They could face it together if Merlin allowed it. Merlin let out a shaky breath. "Don't…"

"I just need to know," said Arthur because he couldn't listen to Merlin change the subject. He had to know. It was eating him away inside. "I just want to know... if you feel..." Arthur didn't know how to put his feelings into words. He shook his head in his struggle to speak. "If you have feelings for me."

He stared at Merlin, the weight of his words was between them, and Arthur realized there was no going back. He could not take his words back even if he wanted to. They had been uttered because he had found the courage to do so. Merlin only stared back with eyes wide and mouth agape. Arthur did not think it that was a very good sign. Merlin looked pained. As if he was struggling to find his own words. His mouth opened and closed a few times.

"I..." he said, his voice only a whisper. Arthur could barely hear it. He let out a few of those shaky breaths, struggling worse than Arthur had. "I...don't." These words struck Arthur. They sliced him in half as if they were swords. He gasped… Perhaps he hadn't been expecting that. Perhaps he had filled himself with hope, but he should have known better. Merlin was still staring at him, but more looking through him. Arthur couldn't stand to watch and averted his eyes. "I'm your friend Arthur..." he was saying now, slower this time. "and that's all I ever want to be to you."

Arthur had experienced heartbreak before. Opening his eyes after seeing his Mother for only a brief moment knowing he would never see her again, the deaths of his Knights. Some of the things Arthur had to do as a young knight were heart breaking, but Arthur was sure, that was the top of that list. His heart was shattered, crushed rushed like dust and he did not know what to do, or how to handle himself. His jaw set and his gaze roamed the treetops, only by sheer strength of will did he not look down.

"Good," Arthur managed with a swift nod. "I had been worried you might... I thought you had been listening to all the nonsense people said. You are a bit of an idiot like that."

There was silence between them then, as Merlin probably didn't believe a single thing Arthur had just said and with good reason. None of it had been true. "No." said Merlin, or barely said, because it only came out as a shaky breath. All as silent again. Arthur refused to look at him because he was afraid. Afraid his heart break would show plainly in his eyes. Merlin waited a beat and then walked away… lost to him in the Druid camp. Maybe to wherever he had been disappearing to. Arthur continued to stand there to allow his idiocy to wash over him.

He should not have said anything. He was so foolish, such an idiot. He had let his own feelings cloud his judgment. Of course, Merlin didn't feel the same way... It was just Arthur. Arthur who was foolish and touched starved enough, who grew up around people who were either rude to him (Morgana) or treated him like he was something special (Camelot). Of course foolish Arthur, naïve and lonely, would fall for the first person who dared treat him like a normal man.

He hated himself even more because even this changed nothing. He still loved Merlin and he would continue to love Merlin even if Merlin didn't love him, because Merlin was the first person Arthur had ever loved... in more than just a dutiful or familial way. He was the only person who was both incredibly rude but also treated Arthur like he was something special. Arthur didn't think he could ever, really love another. So now, this was just his and his alone to bear. He knew this now more than ever before. It was confirmed, and yet it changed nothing at all...

They returned to Camelot and for several days after Merlin and Arthur didn't speak any more than they had to. Merlin still served Arthur. While they were avoiding each other, it was not as normal people would. They avoided eye contact and lingering conversation that was not directly relevant to the matter at hand. "What do you wish to wear?" Or "No. I am not hungry right now." or even "Your Father has requested that I to fetch you for something." They still spoke, they were still there, they were just heavily guarded with each other. Arthur knew this would fade eventually. Merlin would stop turning away quickly when Arthur undressed so he did not think Merlin was looking and eventfully Arthur could handle meeting Merlin's eye again, but for now... at least this was safe.

This went on for about a week or so and it felt too long. Arthur missed their easy conversations and their long looks. However his heart was still broken if he was perfectly honest with himself, which he wasn't.

Arthur just found ways to entertain himself. One of which was to spend longer time patrolling the town. He was doing his rounds, when he bumped into Hunith. It had been quite a while since he had seen Her. It felt strange knowing they lived in the same place yet very rarely crossed paths. She looked at him kindly, as he approached her.

"Hello, Arthur!" she greeted as he neared. She had such a soothing voice. She said his name almost like his own Mother had, with so much care and kindness. Arthur wanted there to be love there too, but Hunith had no reason to love Arthur, so he shoved those thoughts deep down. He was just lonely. Lonely without Merlin's friendship.

"How are you?" he realized this was not good conversation. Shouldn't he have a real reason to speak to her? He sighed and she looked at him, head tilted, just like Merlin's did when he looked at him. She smiled.

"I'm well." she said and watched him for a second longer. "Are you alright, Arthur?"

He nodded, it was a lie. "Yes." he said. "I was just doing my rounds..."

"I can see that." she said, with an edge to her voice, not rude, but playful. She continued to smile. "Would you like some company?"

Arthur nodded again. "Yes… I would like that very much."

They began to walk together. That's all Arthur ever really did on his rounds anyway. They talked through town and evenly they found themselves casually strolling the lower town. "It has been awhile since I saw you last. I had started to worry." he looked over confused. "I don't mean anything by it of course, but I am a mother so I tend to worry... even if you are not my son, I care for you."

Arthur wanted to cry. "Thank you." he said, refusing to let his tears fall. He frowned at his own words. Should he really be thanking her for this? She laughed.

"You treated me with kindness even though you didn't have to. You were good to me even if it was for Merlin." she explained. "As you didn't know me, you owed me nothing. I think that means I should care for you even more as you mean so much to him."

Arthur really didn't want to talk about Merlin or what he might mean to him, so he only nodded. "I care for you too." She reached over and took his hand without a word and beamed at him. They continued to walk in silence for a time without letting go. Arthur found that he really didn't mind it all too much. He thought of other things he could say, because he was really terrible at any part of life that didn't involve a sword in his hands. "What happened to your kittens?" he asked, after awhile.

"They grew. Kittens tend to grow fast." she explained. "Most of them I gave to children in town and a few maidens who caught sight of them. Bellatrix is still there though she's looking for her next mate I think..."

Arthur pulled a face at this. "You should stop her."

"It only natural for a cat to have many mates." Hunith laughed. "They are not like human's who may only have a few."

Arthur had never had any, so he couldn't comment. "Next round you should give Merlin one." said Arthur off handedly. His mind just naturally went to Merlin at all times. It was really annoying. "A kitten I mean!" he clarified, after a long moment. "He seemed to like them very much."

"I think Merlin is much too busy looking after you to see to a kitten."

Arthur frowned at that thought. "I'm not that bad..."

"No." said Hunith looking a bit worried. "You are not but Merlin can only handle so much. I am surprised he even remembers to bring you breakfast in the morning."

"Sometimes he doesn't."

Hunith laughed and shook her head. "No way am I ever trusting Merlin with the life of one of my kittens."

They continued to walk on, right to the edge of the town near the woods. They started to turn back. Arthur's spirits raised more than they had in days if he were being honest. It was then though, that something loud and a lot like heavy footsteps came from the woods giving Arthur pause. It didn't sound right, whatever it was. Arthur stopped walking and peered out into the trees. Hunith watched him confused.

A man emerged carrying a limp and very dirty girl in his arms. Arthur worried for the girl for a second before his took in the man holding her. Realization hit him all at once, as he people drew closer.

"Arthur!" he had called, before Arthur could utter his name in return. Arthur stood frozen, watching Lancelot draw nearer. He was banished so what was he doing in Camelot? Arthur was not sure, and what had happened to this girl? "I didn't know where else to go!" he said as he came close enough where he didn't have to shout to speak. "I know I am not supposed to be here, Arthur... but she's badly injured and I thought maybe-"

"Gaius!" said Hunith, without warning, without so much as a bat of the eye. She was helping him support the girl's head now. Arthur, shock gone, sprung into action. He took the girl from his arms. The girl did nothing but grown and twitch in pain, he wondered what happened to her, yet again. Her dark, brown hair was matted with blood and her face had many starches.

"How did you come to meet this girl?" asked Arthur, as they walked back through the town, and dare any of the knights or guards try to say anything. Arthur would not allow it.

"I just found her in a cage, a group of bandits had locked her inside!" he explained, looking worried, over at Arthur's arms. The girl did not stir. "I took care of them and released her. She was already so weak, she fainted as soon as I let her out."

"You did the right thing in coming here, Lancelot," Arthur told him, and even though Lancelot had looked quite worried, he smiled now at Arthur. "Gaius will heal her, I'm sure of it."

They continued, and Hunith spoke up again. "So, you're the famous Lancelot?" she asked. Lancelot bowed his head at her respectfully.

"I am indeed My Lady."

"Merlin has told me a lot about you." Arthur rolled his eyes, of course he did. Lancelot smiled over at her, in question.

"You know Merlin?"

Hunith nodded proudly. "He's my son."

(A/N: Don't even look at me...it's getting on my nerves how little I have had time to update or really even write this story. I've been stuck on the same chapter of this story for a week. That's not normal for me and this story, we get along so well...she flows from my fingers like water. I don't know, with how long this is and how short of a time I have written it, I feel a bit burnt out by it. That doesn't mean I am not going to finish it or put it on Hiatus or anything, it just means I am struggling. I have always strived to be completely honest with you all in these Author's Notes and this will be no different now, I am struggling to write this, I have been working more on my other fic, (Falling) lately. Sometimes I do get into kicks where I like to write Modern AU's because it is freeing, I can write whatever I want, while canon can be a little "been there, done that," strict, maybe dull even. Because I mean, it's the gay, magical medieval times...what can happen really? Someone gets cursed or hit with a love spell? Ugh, anyway... I'm just saying, I am a little burnt out with this story. I still love it and I still think it is my best work, but I need a break. And I am currently trying to write other things, trying to focus the little time I do have to write on other things. It's November, which is Nanowrimo. Which is basically where you write a 50k story in November. Which I don't wanna do, but I do want to write and finish a story in this month. Of course it is Merthur related, so...if you guys wanna see that, let me know. And as always, thank you so much for reading, I am so thankful for you guys and how much you like this story and support it. Thank you to my editor also. (A little side note about that, the next few chapters after this one will be only edited by me again, but I'll do my best to fix it, I promise.) Anyway...thanks again.)

(VERY IMPORTANT P.S: I am not sure if people were aware or not, but for several days chapter 52 had not been showing up, I posted chapter 53 as a way to try to force it to update, but even that didn't work. Chapter 52 has now finally updated and can be viewed, so I have deleted chapter 53 and will reupload it with the REAL chapter 53 in a few days. Enjoy this chapter now that you can finally see it!)