Newly Revised
Also, if you've read the story before, you'll notice that this is where the changes really start happening, and it might become confusing if you haven't read the story before.
It'd been five weeks since they'd lost the farm and they'd only managed to stay in one place for a night or two before the walkers came through and forced them to run again. Everyone was under a lot of stress since food had become even scarcer as half the houses and stores they'd found had been ransacked already. On top of that, Carl had become quiet and brooding after finding out that Lori had actually been having an affair with Shane and the child in her womb was not his dad's. He had begun pulling away from her and sticking with his dad much to Lori's dismay but Tea could not find it in her heart to care. She hadn't even waited a whole month from the time her husband had 'died' and the time she started sleeping with the man and as soon as Carl found out he'd become standoffish. It didn't help at all that Rick and Lori were, for lack of a better word, broken when it came to their relationship, which was only causing Carl's attitude towards his mother to worsen. Carl blamed Lori for everything no matter how much Tea tried to explain that it wasn't Lori alone that was in the fault. Shane had told Lori that his dad was dead and that had led to everything that had happened between him and his mother and Lori had tried to make things right with Rick.
The problem had come the day after she and Rick had decided to take total control of the group. Lori had followed Rick off a little ways away from the group only for everyone to hear them shouting after a few minutes. She wasn't happy with Rick for accepting Tea as his 'second-in-command,' let alone when Rick corrected her to say Tea was his partner when it came to running the group. When she had gotten angry about her being called his partner, Rick had clapped back by telling her that at least Tea wouldn't sleep with her behind his back. When she confronted him about how long he'd know he was dead and if he had lied about Shane just leaving the camp and when he'd told her he hadn't know for sure until they saw him in the woods, she had pushed him away. The first couple of weeks were spent with her looking at him like a monster before either she had an epiphany and tried talking to him a few times, but he shot her down every time. He hadn't spoken to her much since and had started to avoid her altogether now that she was starting to show if she even walked into the room. Tea tried to speak to both of them, but Lori kept shooting her down and becoming angry any time she opened her mouth and Rick told her it wasn't her fault and left it at that. The tension between the two was palpable and Tea did her best not to let it affect the younger ones, but it had started to cause everyone to become standoffish.
It had been weighing on Tea that she was the sole reason everyone was having difficulties and that the actions she'd made had ripped and entire family apart. That was why she was out on the roof of the apartment building they'd been holed up in for the last four days. They'd been forced into the complex by a horde of walkers that met up with another shortly after they'd rolled into town. How they'd managed to go unnoticed by the hordes as she, Rick, Daryl, Glenn, and Maggie ran back and forth between the vehicles and the building while the others ran up to the highest level and began to grab things to block off the hallway once the others were through. There had been a few walkers that they'd had to shoot down before they'd done, and Tea told Daryl, Rick, and Glenn to help her grab a couple of them, leaving them at the doorway to the building to help cover their tracks. The hordes were finally beginning to clear out thanks to some thunderstorms. Tea had taken to coming up to the roof even in the rain just to get away from the raging guilt she felt every time she looked at the three.
They'd been lucky when they'd found one of the apartments untouched, aside from the corpses they'd tossed out the window, since it still had a decent stock of food. It was going to get harder and harder just to find food for the winter, but at least they had something other than the twigs and leaves Tea'd been making everyone eat to keep their strength up since they'd been on the road. While there had been meat they'd been able to hunt, with the days getting shorter and colder, the things they could hunt would soon be either going into hibernation or starting to migrate. Squirrels would only get them so far and would become scarcer as the winter set in even if they were still somewhat active and there definitely wouldn't be anything she could forage up during the cold months. They might be lucky enough to get a deer or two from time to time, but it wasn't hot enough to try to preserve the meat and she needed to wait until it got cold enough to be able to try to preserve it. If they were somehow lucky enough to find jars and salt, she might be able to make some salted meat, but she had only ever seen it done in medieval shows and wasn't entirely sure if it would work right. Right now, though, she decided she needed to stop thinking about what everyone else needed and spend some time centering herself, something she hadn't been worrying about since the farm.
Not only did the roof give a clear view of the town below so she could keep an eye on the horde, but there weren't any buildings in the town quite as high as this one. She could see clear through the horizon and out towards the woods on the other side of town. It was the first time since they'd gotten to the apartment building that the skies were clear and the full moon shown down on her. The last of the walkers had cleared out sometime last night, but it'd still been raining and they were relatively safe, so they'd decided to stay at least one more night at the hotel before moving on again. Tea was happily soaking up the moon's rays as she quietly sent prayers and wishes up to the goddesses while doing her best to release the negativity that had been building up in her mind. She was so focused on praying to Artemis for a good hunt before winter, Selene to make sure they weren't snuck up on in the night, Hera to protect the children, and Athena to keep her skills sharp and her mind strong that she didn't even hear the door to the roof open and close again.
Daryl had gone up to the roof after Tea had been up there all evening only to lean against the door and light one of the smokes he'd found downstairs to watch her. She was just staring up at the moon, her hair falling down her back behind her ears and shoulders as she sat on the roof's gravel top. To be fair, he was staring at her under the pretense that he was just watching her. He'd only seen her in the moonlight on a clear night a couple times, the time on the bank of the stream playing vividly in his mind. There had been a rooftop garden up here at one point and there was a utility shed up here that had already been cleaned out by the time they'd gotten there. His pants were starting to grow tight as she stood and raised her arms over her head, muttering something up at the sky while showing just a little of that beautiful skin of hers, Daryl licking his lips as he flicked the cigarette out into the gravel. He stalked up to her and grabbed her around the middle, bringing her into his chest as he leaned down and nipped at her neck. Tea inhaled sharply at the sensation that went straight to her core before letting out a shuttered breath while she pressed herself into him further and just basked in his warmth.
While they had done minor kisses and had leaned against each other at the farm in front of the others, being on the road had caused some complications. Rick and Lori being at odds and Maggie and Glenn being awkward around each other thank to Hershel's constant presence so Tea and Daryl had been trying not to do much in front of the others other than sleeping next to each other. It was like being at the quarry all over again trying to sneak around Merle's notice and not have the camp so involved in their business. They'd only managed to be alone outside of hunting a few times, and it'd always been on watch, and most of the watches had been inside whatever building they were in with the others only feet away. Neither of them were exactly exhibitionists, and neither of them were really willing to sneak off after Maggie and Glenn had tried to, only to be caught with their shirts off by a couple of walkers. Maggie had only barely gotten hers back on when Tea and Daryl had come running around the corner from smoking in front of the building, making Tea tease them about 'losing their shirts' for a few days. But Daryl had noticed it, the small changes in her face, the strain every time she smiled, the dullness in her eyes; Tea was finding it difficult to handle being on the move constantly with no clear direction. Change had never been something she had been good with and the farm had come right after being lost, so it hadn't affected her the same way it was now. She'd settled there easily enough after almost a week in the woods while she didn't even have a time to start to settle down now.
"Shouldn't be out here so much. Gonna catch a cold," Daryl told her.
"I ain' gotten sick since I was ten," Tea told him, sighing as her hands crossover his.
"Just 'cause you ain't don't mean you won't."
"Yeah, well, I got my hot as hell hunta up 'ere keepin' me nice and warm."
"Kinda nice up here," he said, looking back out at the dark sky.
"Mmhmm," Tea agreed before turning in his arms and hugging him around the middle and putting her ear to his chest and sighing again. "Gods I've missed this."
"What?"
"Ya and me, jus' us. Been too long. Didn' even go this long at the quarry," she said, looking up at him and blushing at his searing gaze. "I wasn' meanin' like that! Though...I mean...It's not like...Gods, jus' fuckin' stop!" she told him as he smirked down at her and she buried her face back into his chest. "I jus' miss us bein' able ta be us and not havin' ta worry 'bout the othas."
"I know."
"Ya so fuckin' warm. Miss sleepin' with ya without a damn shirt on."
"Yeah?" Daryl asked while wrapping her hair around his hand slowly before tugging her head back.
"D?" Tea asked, looking up at him as he pulled.
Daryl didn't answer her, just held her head like that before he leaned down and kissed her softly, at first, but growing more heated with every passing second. Tea had to admit, she'd missed everything about it; being kissed and held, holding onto him like she was, the privacy at the end of the world where they'd had basically none for five weeks. They'd only been able to sneak off once, and it wasn't even sneaking; they'd gone hunting and one thing had led to another before they'd even really tried to find as much as a squirrel. She could feel his need for her pressing against her lower stomach and making her moan even as she clutched the back of his poncho in her hands wishing she could feel his skin. Daryl broke the kiss and bent down, picking her up under her thighs and making her wrap her legs around him. He carried them to the side of the shed and pressed her back up against it, momentarily making her stiffen as Shane came to her mind again. Daryl didn't let her think for one second as he connected their mouths again in another searing kiss that left her moaning and rubbing against his stiff length before he relented. Tea was panting by the time his lips left hers and attacked her neck again, trying to pull his poncho up only to be thwarted by how she was being held.
"D...D, please? If ya...gods...if ya goin' ta fuckin' go thi-" she tried to get out only for her word to turn into a hiss as he attached himself to the crook of her neck and collarbone. She used the shed as leverage to push him back for a minute, the look on his face frustrated for just a moment before he sighed and tried putting her down, her hand going to his cheek as she tightened her legs around his middle, "I ain' sayin' stop. I'm sayin' we need ta get inta this thing so I can feel ya warmth propaly. Gods, D, I fuckin' need ya."
"Need you too, girl," he told her, wrapping her hair around his hand again and kissing her hard.
He only put her down when they reached the door and neither of them even really separating as Daryl fumbled for the doorknob and she pulled at his poncho. They barely managed to catch them selves from falling into the shed when he finally got it open and the door gave way behind Tea, who'd had her entire weight pressed against it. Even though Tea full on laughed before turning on a flashlight she'd taken to carrying with her and Daryl chuckled before he kicked the door shut. Neither particularly cared about how small it was as Daryl unbuckled her utility belt and she finally got his damn poncho off. She didn't even wait for him to take her shirt off, though Daryl didn't mind since he could dip his head as soon as her cleavage was visible and lay a trail with his tongue right up the center to her neck as soon as the shirt was on the ground. He moved away and knelt down to pick up his poncho, laying it out while Tea undid her boots and took them off, both of them rushing through the motions as he kicked off his own boots. He stood straight and looked at her in what little light there was and almost lost his breath all over again when he saw that she was using her hair to cover her bare breasts, a small smile playing at her lips.
In two steps he had her back against the wall yet again as one hand gripped the hair at the back of her head and the other was feeling her bare skin. Even with the little bumps, thin lines, and thick streaks, she was still a vision and he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to worship everything about her in moments like this. He picked her up again only to start walking toward where he'd put the poncho down, carefully lowering to his knees before laying her down without even breaking the kiss. What had started as a super charged, super heated make out session slowed down as he kissed a trail down her jaw before he leaned back on his heels, Tea watching him while trying to catch her breath, and took his shirt off. She pushed herself off the ground to wrap her hands around his head and kiss him again as he slowly brought his weight down on her. The fire had changed from a burning rage to a simmering heat as they laid there, even as one of Daryl's rough hands moved to knead the swell of her breasts. He repeated his trail down her jaw slowly to her neck before kissing a trail down her chest. Daryl paid attention to both of her breasts, alternating between sucking and biting the nipple as she mewled beneath him. Tea had her hands on his shoulders and couldn't help curling her fingers as she bucked up into him, earning a growl in return at the feel of her nails scratching his skin and the friction her movements created. He started crawling down her body again, leaving trails of kisses and licks along her skin, the leverage he had making enough room for his hands to reach the button of her pants.
The sensations Daryl was making Tea feel were overbearing with how long it'd been since his lips had touched her skin. When they'd gone hunting, everything spiraled very quickly with little to no foreplay before they were practically rutting on the forest floor. How slow he was taking everything was making her burn with even more desire and emptied her mind of everything she'd been having problems with on the road. All she could think about was him as he pulled her pants open to start working them down her hips. Her hands went into his hair when he worked lower until his tongue licked a trail between her lips, tasting her sweet juice for the first time since the farm. They both moaned when he made contact with her dripping sex, Daryl settling in to lapping up everything she had to offer as Tea bucked into his mouth. Tea was trying so hard not to moan, her breath coming in short pants as Daryl worked on her, in case one of the others came up to the roof, but ended up failing when he nipped at her clit. Tea slapped her hand to her mouth to stifle the sounds she started making only for Daryl to do nip her again. She knew that he wanted to hear her and when she didn't relent, he reached up and pulled her arm down, making her uncover her mouth as he nipped her swollen bud a third time. He groaned into her when he heard her voice sound and lazily started lapping at her clit as she writhed beneath him.
Tea couldn't take any more of his sweet torture and pulled at his short strands of hair to get his attention, more than doing so as he looked up at her and practically ripped her pants the rest of the way off before crawling his way up her body. She could taste herself on his tongue when she sat up to meet him halfway and pulled him into a searing kiss. Her hands went to his waistband and pulled at the fastenings, pushing them down as far as she could before he put his weight back on her. He wrapped one arm around her and one back in her hair, her hands gripping him just as close as he was her, settling between her legs. It didn't take long for them both to break the kiss as Tea moaned and Daryl dropped his head to the floor when their grinding allowed him to enter her without trying. The two of them alternating between laying spattered kisses on the other's shoulders and neck and giving each other gentle kisses as he moved slowly inside her. Tea's breathing was heavy by the time Daryl lifted his weight off her and moved one of her legs into the crook of his elbow. He didn't pick up his pace, wanting to draw this alone time out as long as possible, but the new angle let him thrust as deep as he could inside her and made him have to strain to keep the slow pace he'd set. Her nails scraped down his arms as she mewled beneath him, her back arching off the floor before looking him in the eye, her pupils blown and lips swollen.
"I love ya," she whispered, bringing his lips back to hers.
Those words broke the string that was barely holding on as he leaned back on his heels and pulled himself out of her, flipping her onto her side before pulling her leg onto his shoulder. He made her yelp at how harshly he'd reentered her and started setting a brutal pace. There was no way Tea could keep her voice down as she tried to keep herself from moving too much from the roughness of Daryl's movements. She could hear his own breath coming out sharply as he bucked into her so far he could feel himself ramming into the back of her walls while his length rubbed against her cervix. He practically threw her leg down and grabbed her hips, picking her up and tossing her on her stomach before grabbing her arms. Daryl held onto her wrists as he used the leverage he now had to relentlessly pound into her and make her cry out, her walls clenching around him as her orgasm crashed over her. He didn't slow down at all and pushed through the tightness and continued to ravage her until she was screaming.
"D...D...gods...please...Daryl, please...I need...I...fuck!" she begged when his thrusts becoming erratic.
"One more time, baby girl," he growled out, her walls flittering around him at the pet name he'd given her. "One more."
Daryl let go of her arms and pressed his chest against her back as his hands moved to knead her breasts before holding onto her shoulders to keep her in place. The sound of his labored breathing right in her ear only served to push her closer to the edge while goosebumps pricked her skin at the feel of it against her neck. It didn't take long for the bubble building in her stomach started to burst as he began pulsing inside her, close to the edge himself. Their breathing became frantic before Daryl bit down on her shoulder, pushing her over it and making her cry out as they both found release. He fell down on top of her while they tried to catch their breath while the waves of ecstasy washed over them and spattered soft kisses along her collarbone. She kept fluttering around him even as he started going soft inside her until he finally pulled out and moved them both to their sides, letting her use his arm as a headrest. He lazily rubbed his thumb along one of the marks on her ribs, a long line she'd said was from her mother during one of her 'sessions' in the basement room of their house. There were a few scars that he'd taken to rubbing, the one at her tailbone, the one down her shoulder, and the one he was stroking now. Tea inhaled sharply as he slid out of her and turned in his arms to face him, kissing him gently before laying her ear against his chest and holding him back.
"Gods, I really have missed this," she told him with a sigh.
"Yeah," Daryl replied, adjusting his legs to hook her ankle with a foot and bring it between his legs. "Been too long."
"We're goin' ta have ta get back downstairs soon enough. They'll send a damn search party up if we don't."
"Don't care."
Tea giggled a little at how childish he could be when they were alone and told him, "I know ya don' care. That don' change the fact that they'll come lookin'."
"Forget 'em for a bit," he told her, squeezing her a little closer. "You don't owe them shit and you ain't the one who caused the problems."
Tea was silent for a moment before answering, "Carl ovaheard me and Rick talkin' 'bout the probability that the baby ain' biologically his and that's what started the problems with 'im. Phia's still wantin' ta learn more 'bout fightin' and that's causin' the rift 'tween 'er and Carol to widen, and Carol ta have more reasons ta hate me."
"You don't gotta keep teachin' her."
"Yeah, I do. Ya don' know everythin' she told me in those woods. Ya don' know how close she was ta bein'..."
"Carol was prayin' 'bout it in the church. How he was looking at her."
"He didn' jus' look. He tried," she told him, looking up at him. "I ain' leavin' that liddle girl unprotected. If 'er motha won' do it, than I damn well will. Hell, she ain' even learned how ta shoot yet! Things don' change with the women, I'm goin' ta have ta train 'em all. They can' stay weak. They jus' can'."
"Do you ever shut your brain off?"
"When ya in me," she replied right before her face turned red and her eyes went wide.
"Really?" he said with a raised brow while moving them so she was back on her back. "Guess I'll shut it off for you then."
~x~
"What the hell happened?" Daryl shouted when Rick got back.
The man's shirt was covered in blood when he got out of the car quickly and told him to help him as he went for the back door and Daryl flicked his smoke away before coming up to the car. His blood ran cold when he looked past Rick as saw Tea, barely conscious and soaked down one side from her shoulder and the other from her leg with blood and staining the backseat. He downright pushed Rick out of the way and grabbed her out of the car, carrying her into the store they had been using for a week while Rick opened the door and called for Hershel. They'd gone on a simple run, a simple damn run and Rick brought her back injured to the point that he didn't know if Hershel could save her. Daryl ran into the backroom and put her on the clean blanket Maggie had laid out behind one of the storage shelves, fear rushing through him that he was going to lose her, too. She was so pale that the scarlet that stained her skin contrasted starkly against it and covered his hands as he looked at them. Rick was uninjured, the only blood on him Tea's, and that pissed him off to know end as she laid there bleeding on the floor.
"What fuckin' happened?!" he roared at the man, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him up against the wall. "What happened?!"
"We...we got ambushed," Rick told him, holding his hands up to T-Dog and Glenn when they went to help him. "We were taking things to the car when we were done and these guys came outta no where. They just road up and started shootin' up the place. We got a couple hits in, took a few down, but they got her in the shoulder and then the leg right after. Helped her get to the car and got the hell out of there, but she...the bleeding just wouldn't stop."
"The bullets went clean through," Hershel told them, "which is a blessing. The wounds just need stitching up, but she needs blood. We have no idea how to tell who's compatible or not."
"What happens if-" Rick started asking, only for Daryl to cut him off.
"I'm O negative. She ain't fuckin' dyin' on me," he told them, stalking back over to where she was laying as Carol brought the stuff for transfusion over.
"Are you sure?" she asked him. "You're going to be weak afterwards."
"I don't care, just do it."
Carol began the process for the transfusion while Maggie blotted the blood to allow Hershel to see where he needed to sew. It took a little bit for him to get all four holes stitched up and Daryl was feeling the effects of the transfusions with a headache and dizziness. Hershel cleaned the blood off her skin while Maggie got a change of clothes for Tea and a fresh shirt for Daryl before grabbing some of the jerky and canned fruit they'd found in the store, bringing them over as well. She handed the food and the shirt to him as she moved over to Tea, Sophia and Beth coming with her to help change Tea out of her bloodied clothes and get the bloody blanket out from underneath her. Daryl moved himself backwards with a grunt and leaned against the shelving unit as the girls got to work until Tea was clean and in fresh clothes, her wounds dressed with a basic poultice Sophia had made. Rick came in and apologized afterwards and told him more details about the run in an attempt to explain why she had been hurt and he hadn't. There had been at least fifteen guys with guns and as they'd gone two hours over to the next town to try and find some goods, even driving as fast as he could he hadn't been able to make it back before she'd been in that state. She'd pushed him ahead after she shot two of them in the head before she got hit the first time and even though he'd tied tourniquets and bound the wounds, she kept losing blood. Daryl knew he couldn't be pissed at Rick for the bleeding as she was anemic, but her getting hurt yet again when he wasn't there gnawed at him when the cop walked back out of the room.
"Dammit, Ania," he murmured as he went to lay beside her. "Fuckin' think about yourself for once."
It was starting to frost over every night about three months after the farm and the rainy season was over and Tea had made it her mission to take responsibility for everyone in the group. She barely ate anything without sharing with the kids, she'd started teaching Maggie and Glenn more self-defense while training Beth and, when Tea forced her to, Carol to build their bodies up. If she wasn't making orders or discussing plans with Rick, she barely talked to anyone, even Daryl, because her mind was always running with what the next move could and should be, and the scenarios that came along with that choice. She had taken both Carl and Sophia on separate runs with her to gain experience in how to deal with getting around groups of walkers and scavenge. Even when Lori and Carol protested, she'd shot them both down because the kids needed to learn how to defend themselves just in case they got separated again and Rick backed her up by telling them it was Tea's call, not theirs.
He'd fallen asleep by the time Tea woke up, stiffly going to sit up only to feel the pain in her shoulder and leg and remember what had happened. Daryl didn't even budge when she looked down at him in the light of the oil lamp burning not too far away, offering both light and heat to the small area. He looked so pale that she put her hand on his forehead just to make sure he wasn't cold and breathed a sigh of relief when she felt the heat. But he didn't wake up even as she moved and touched his face which was odd and had her trying to wake him up. Daryl always woke up when she moved out of his arms or turned around or touched his face, always, and she didn't understand why he wasn't now. She was terrified something had happened after she had started going in and out of consciousness and that he'd gotten injured while she was out of it or on the run. Tea could feel the tears starting to form in her eyes as she bit her lip through the pain of using her injured arm to try to shake him awake. Panic truly started to set in after a moment or two of nothing happening but the tears that would have fallen in fear started falling in joy when his eyes finally opened and looked up at her.
"Ya didn' wake up," she cried, crashing down on him and pressing herself as hard into his chest as she could, completely ignoring whatever pain she was in.
"You needed blood," Daryl told her groggily. "I'm fine. Rest."
"I'm sorry."
He scoffed at her before moving to his back and pulling her onto his chest, "You should be. Every time I let you outta might sight, you get hurt."
"I'm sorry," she muffled again because she knew he felt guilty every time she got hurt whether or not he'd been there when it happened. "I jus' wanted ta make sure we got what we needed."
"Yeah, you're always doin' shit for the others. Why can't you just settle down for a second? Stop worryin' 'bout them and take care of yourself for once?"
"I told 'em I'd lead 'em. I promised I'd make 'em strona and keep 'em alive. How can I worry 'bout myself? I got ta keep 'em safe."
"Not at the cost of your life, you don't," Daryl argued, angry that she was thinking like that. "Ain't your job to hold their hands through all this."
"D, I don' want ta fight 'bout this. Not right now. Ya've been on me 'bout this for a month now. I get it and I know how ya feel, but I jus' can'," she pleaded. "I jus' got the shite scared out a me 'cause ya didn' wake up and I know ya angry I got hurt again. Can we jus'...can we jus' not. Not tanight. Chew me out all ya want tamorrow, but tanight, jus' be with me."
Daryl huffed a sigh and moved his hand down to the letter scars and rubbed them while feeling the hot tears falling on his chest. He knew that Tea was well aware of how he felt about all the runs she went on, the watches, sharing her food, teaching everyone, basically spending every day doing something for the group without taking a break. Even he took a day or two off from hunting back at the quarry to recharge, but she was pushing through at the expense of her own mind taking a toll on her body. He'd been trying to get her to take a break for weeks now, just one day to relax and let Rick take charge, but she refused, making one excuse or another. It had come to a head the day before because she'd barely spoken to him for three days and it had begun to take a toll on him. She'd gotten angry at some of the things he'd said, and she'd had a right to because some of it had been quite rude and just untrue, especially when he'd told her that she cared more about the group than she did him. Daryl had regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth when the look of shock and horror on her face went blank and she just turned away from him and didn't say another word to him that night. She'd only told him she loved him and was going on the run this morning, giving him a kiss on the cheek before heading out. Now she was crying against his chest and muttering about how sorry she was every once in a while which just made him sigh and tell her to knock it off.
"You don't start tryin' to put yourself first, I'm gonna make you," he warned her. "Sick of you gettin' hurt every time you go runnin' off on your own."
"Ya can' sit on top a me, D."
"I will if I have to."
~x~
Daryl was pissed. They'd managed to find storage units with insulation and plenty of stuff to burn and enough airflow to keep a fire going right before the snow had hit. He, Rick, and Glenn had gone on a run, leaving Tea in charge of the group, only to get caught by a snow storm and have to find a different vehicle to get through the snow. In total, it'd taken them four days to finish the run and get back to the units only for him to find his partner pale faced with dark circles under her eyes. Sophia had come running to him as soon as he'd gotten out of the truck and basically tattled on Tea about how she hadn't slept more than a few hours since they'd left because her mom had twisted her ankle on a patch of ice. She'd taken over watch for Maggie, too, because Maggie had caught a slight cold and she didn't want the woman in the freezing weather making it worse and had given almost all her food but a few scraps to her and Carl every day, too. Tea had promised him she would try to take better care of herself and all she'd done since was get quieter and quieter as the days wore on and she taught the others self defense. She'd promised she'd eat more only to keep giving parts of her meals to Sophia, Carl, and Beth. She took promises so seriously and didn't even seem to realize she kept breaking it until he brought it up again, and for a few days it would get better only for the process to repeat itself.
He knew it was her way of coping with having been on the move for four months now, getting cut off or overrun from every safe haven they found. Food had been getting scarce and while the two of them had been able to get a bit of game here and there, it was hardly enough to sustain them for long periods of time. Tea had started only talking when she had to, even with him, and he always had to start the conversation as she shut down. She never shied away from his touch and was always receptive when they got the chance to be alone but the way her eyes went right back to being dull within minutes of her pupils being blown as he drove her to ecstasy was making him question if it was even genuine. Every time he brought it up she'd assure him that wasn't the case, that she just couldn't shut her mind off afterwards, that every time they were together was exactly what she needed, but how she acted during the day made him question everything. And now to come back from a run and find out she'd broken every single promise she'd made to him beforehand just because a couple of the others had had issues, he was pushed past his breaking point when it came to taking it easy on her.
Daryl told Rick and Glenn to help cover the watches they were going to miss and make sure Lori and Beth helped with the duties Carol and Maggie couldn't before stalking off to where Sophia had told him she was. When Tea saw the anger on his face as he got right in front of her, she couldn't help but cower and look down. That only made Daryl see red even more as he bent down and literally tossed her over his shoulder before heading to their unit. He slammed the shutter down behind him and threw her onto the makeshift bed made out of pillows and blankets they'd found in the other units. He tried to calm down by pacing in front of her while staring down at her which only seemed to make whatever she was feeling in that moment to exacerbate to the point she was almost hyperventilating while tears ran down her face. Everything in him wanted to yell at her even if she was having problems with how mad he was, but that might push her over whatever edge she was standing on right now. It didn't absolve her of guilt nor made him have to stop being angry but Daryl was not willing to push her away from him completely after everything he'd been thinking about the last few days.
"What the hell, Ania?" he shouted, making her flinch and curl into a ball. "Don't just fuckin' say 'sorry,' either. This shit's gettin' old!"
"I didn't mean ta," she whispered, her accent coming out in full.
"The hell you didn't! You told me you'd take care of yourself! Now I come back, Phia tells me you ain't eatin', ain't sleepin', takin' everyone's responsibilities up on top of your own! Don't try tellin' me you didn't mean to! What the fuck happened?!"
"I don' know!" she cried, her hands gripping the fabric beneath her until her knuckles were white. "I couldn' eat, so I gave it ta the kids! Felt like sandpapa in my mouth and I could barely swallow! I couldn' fuckin' sleep anyway, so why not take the watches up?! We didn' have enough people ta take it all 'less I put the kids on a round! I know I promised ya! I know," she said, getting quieter and hanging her head from looking up at him. "I couldn'...I didn' feel right...I don' feel right."
"Then tell me what the fuck's goin' on with you before I really get pissed!"
"I don' feel right, I don' know how else ta say it, alright?! I don' know! I hate fuckin' bein' on the run all the damn time! I hate not bein' able ta find 'nough food for everyone! That Carol hates me for doin' what I'm doin' with Phia! Lori hates me for killin' Shane! I got ta make sure we don' lose anyone when we ain' even sure how long we'll last 'ere! I was constantly worryin' 'bout ya and lookin' out for the car ya took! It was too cold in 'ere ta sleep at night! Too quiet!"
"Don't blame this on me bein' gone!"
"I ain'! I...I don' know how ta do this anymore, D. Not ya and me, but takin' it all, be blamed for it all. It...it's gettin' ta me more'n I thought."
"You're just now realizin' that?" he deadpanned. "After all these weeks I've been tellin' you?! After all this time I've been tryin' to get you just to fuckin' eat right?! You ain't been listenin'! You get hurt again, you could fuckin' bleed to death 'cause you ain' even eatin' half the time!"
"I know, and I'm sorry!" Tea cried. "I don'...I didn' want ta believe ya, alright? I thought if I could jus' push through I'd be fine. I'd be able ta take it all and get through it. I can'...I can' jus' fuckin' stop, Daryl. I can'. I don' get that luxury. I told them that I'd lead 'em, that I was helpin' fly the plane with Rick. I don' have time ta reset. I don' have time ta figya it all out. I can' work through it 'cause I don' got the time ta. I jus' want ta fuckin' stop. I jus' want it all ta fuckin' stop," she softly cried, her hands gripping the hair at her temples.
"Don't you fuckin' care if you die or not? What about me, huh? Treatin' me like a damn stranger when you know damn well I've been here for you all along! I've done everything I can to keep you straight and you don't even trust me enough to talk to me! Why the fuck are you with me if you won't let me help you?!"
Tea scoffed a laugh before her brogue came out and she asked him quietly, "Why ya with me? I don' do nothin' but stress ya out. I don' do nothin' for ya but get ya off. Why the fuck ya stay with me?"
"Don't fuckin' turn this around."
"I ain'," she said, looking off to the side with a sad smirk playing at her lips. "I always told ya I ain' right in the head, that ya deserve betta than me. I ain' eva had someone ta lean on and I don' want ta start now, 'cause what if I get ta be too much? What if ya leave and I can' stand on my own anymore? Or gods forbid die! Ya gone for four days and I couldn' even fuckin' sleep! I'm scared ta death a needin' ya even more! What happens when I need ya too much, huh?! When it gets ta the point I don' even want ta be away from ya at all?! Do ya really want ta deal with that?! Bein' responsible for that? Could ya even deal with that? I ain' fuckin' normal, Daryl! If I get too attached, if I lean on ya any more, what happens when ya leave?"
"Why do you always think I'm gonna leave, huh?"
"'Cause I ain' right."
"When have I ever said I cared about that shit? Told you time and time again, girl, it's all in your head. Don't mean shit. I don't fuckin' care if you need to cry or what. Stop hidin' this shit from me and stop thinkin' I'm gonna dump ya just 'cause you're havin' problems. You ain't alone no more, dammit," he told her, frustrated at how she kept thinking he was going to leave her, though he could hardly blame her when his line of thinking lately had been along the same lines.
"Ya didn' have ta say it. It was written all ova ya face when ya thought I wasn' lookin'. I've been losin' ya since we left the farm," she admitted with a scoff. "Ya don' have ta say it when ya show it."
Daryl glared at her before kicking a box and caused her to jump and pull herself into a ball. Everything in him wanted to yell at her, to tell her she was wrong, but the truth was that he was beyond frustrated with her and had honestly been thinking in the last week that he wasn't sure if he really wanted to be with someone like her. He'd watched her like a hawk to see if she'd change or open up to him, admit that she was having problems, but the more he did, the more she seemed to pull away. Yet when they'd go to bed and lay down, she'd practically glue herself to him and tell him she loved him only to break down crying when she thought he was sleeping. She always would turn in his arms to press her back against his chest before she did and was always as quiet and still as she could be so as not to wake him up, but he knew she'd known he was awake every time. He'd squeeze his arm around her waist to silently show support but he never said anything or moved other than that. It was obvious that she hadn't wanted him to know how far down a rabbit hole her mind had gone and he hadn't wanted to infringe on her privacy until she was ready to talk but he'd be damned if he was going to let her keep being silent about it all. He'd thought she was having a hard time with her mind, but he should have known that she would notice the small things; she always did.
Tea wasn't wrong that he'd been questioning things, either, but being on that run with Rick and Glenn had made him realize how wrong he'd been to. It took all he had to keep his focus on task while they were gathering supplies and even more so when they'd gotten stuck due to the storm. He'd taken most of the watches, himself, because hadn't been able to sleep much, his racing thoughts keeping him from resting. Everything that he'd been thinking before he left, the way she was acting towards him, how she was pulling away and refusing to tell him what was going on, would run through his head and make it impossible to find sleep or even . When he finally was away from her and had a chance to clear his head, all he'd felt was dread that she was already gone and he'd gotten them on the move as soon as the storm cleared. Daryl wanted to come back and talk to her and get to the bottom of everything to begin with and could admit he'd let his temper get the best of him when Sophia told him what had been going on in his absence. And now that his head had been cleared, she'd already known his train of thought before he'd left and now he was paying the price for it. He was pissed at them both now, her for not just talking to him and himself for not confronting her before it had gotten so bad. He ran his hand over his face before stomping over to her and plopping down next to her.
"You kept pullin' away," he told her.
"I didn'," she denied. "Jus' 'cause I ain' talkin' don' mean I was pullin' away. Jus' 'cause I can' shut my mind off don' mean I was pullin' away. I can' always be talkin' and I can' always be touched 'cause my mind jus' gets ovawhelmed and I can' take it. But I've been tryin' not ta shy away from ya touches, haven' I? Every time ya start up, I don' shy away, do I?"
"So you sayin' you've just been goin' through the motions?" Daryl asked angrily.
"Nah! Gods! Do ya think with what I've gone through I'd fuckin' do that?! Jus' lay back and take somethin' I didn' want ta?! Daryl, I love ya, and I tell ya all the time I love ya. I don' know what else ya want from me right now. I'm tryin' my damnedest, too. I thought ya wanted space, so I gave it, even though it killed me ta do it! I thought I was losin' ya..." she trailed off.
"Why not just talk to me? Why hide it all?"
"Why didn' ya tell me what ya were thinkin'?" she asked back. "I was scared ta."
Daryl sighed and leaned back, reaching out and pulling her back into his side and put his chin on her chest, "I'm sorry. You were right. I was thinkin'...I was thinkin' you might be right, might be too much. I couldn't sleep without you, though. Kept wonderin' how you were doin'. If you'd pull away more. Could barely breathe when I thought about it."
"I thought ya wanted space. And with everythin' else, I kept pushin' it down and pushin' it down, tryin' not ta botha ya."
"Can't be like that. Look what happened to Rick and Lori 'cause of that shit."
"I'm sorry I didn' realize soona. I should a listened," she cried, finally moving to hold onto him tight.
Once again, he reached out and pulled her to straddle his lap, holding onto her and wondering how things had managed to get this bad between them as he rubbed her scars and kissed her hair, "You gotta talk to me, baby girl. You can't shut me out."
"I ain' shuttin' ya out. I jus' can' deal with it all and try ta talk and touch and all that. I know ya need it and I know it seems like I'm pullin' away 'cause a it, but I promise ya, I'm not tryin' ta. I need ya more then eva and I've neva needed anyone 'fore this. I don' really know how ta lean on ya like this. I hate that I've gotten so weak. Ain' jus' ya, it's everythin'. Carol bein' pissed all the time. Lori blamin' me for 'er relationship problems. This is the longest we've been able ta stay in one place and ya know damn well we'll need ta move 'fore we end up frozen in these damn units. We need ta find a house or a building with insulation, preferably a fireplace. If we can find some..."
"Stop," Daryl interrupted. "You ain't leavin' this unit for a few days if you don't have to. Rick's got everythin' under control and we think we found a place on the way back we can use for the worst of winter. Glenn and T-Dog are gonna check it out. You're stayin' in here with me 'til you tell me everythin' goin' on in that head of yours."
"Daryl-"
"Shut up. You're stayin'."
~x~
Daryl had been right about the house they'd found, but they were only able to stay there for three weeks before a walker horde forced them to move on again. He and Tea were traveling in a truck for the time being due to it being close to freezing during the day and even colder at night, Merle's motorcycle covered with a tarp in the back of it. The bike just wasn't an option without the threat of frostbite due to the cold and neither of them wanted to risk that. She had stopped talking altogether other than to tell him she loved him, talk to Rick about plans, and promise him she was fine when he asked. Ever since the storage units, he'd taken to pulling her into him or onto his lap any time she was standing or sitting and had stopped shying away from showing her affection in front of the others, smacking her ass when he walked by or biting at her neck or shoulder if it was bare. He could feel her body momentarily stiffen but her hands would always come up to his arms every time he was holding her. Although he wanted to do so much more, it was too cold to try outside and she'd been bringing one of the kids on half the runs they went on, and they hadn't gone on many. The few they had managed to go on alone, he'd used to remind her who she belonged to and why she couldn't pull away from him. She did talk more then, begging and pleading with him not to stop, to cum, crying curses and his name, spurring him on all the more. Never once did she try to stop him and he'd be lying if he wasn't becoming rougher and more dominating during their time together to let out his frustrations with the entire situation, which she seemed to like if how wet she got was any indication.
Tea had been dealing with the constant change of pace the best she way she could, but her mind was constantly working against her. Daryl's heat was the only reason she could sleep at night, the weight of his body on top of her when they slept and he held her while they both were half on their sides. And if his weight wasn't on her, she relied on his heartbeat and fell asleep either on her side or laying half on top of him with her ear pressed to his chest. She had begun to rely on him for his support even though she was able to give little back in return. Tea felt like the only thing she could do was be there for him when he wanted sex even though she craved it as much as he did. She could barely handle when Daryl would hold her, but she was doing her best to let him do what he needed to so he'd feel better about the entire situation of her not talking, making her feel even worse about leaning on him and needing his support so much. The times where she could voice her thoughts came when they were able to be alone somewhere they didn't have to immediately return to the group. And if the group had to move while they were gone, there were three different places to go depending on whether or not the way was blocked by walkers. He kept telling her she was doing enough, that he understood what was going on, that he knew she was still with him, but she could see how much of a toll it was taking on him for her not to be able to be as open as she had been before.
It had been a hard few months on the road, never able to stay in one place more than a few weeks depending on how cold or warm it had gotten. So far it had been a relatively mild winter with several days being warm enough to just need a decent coat for and only a few days of snow. Tea was thankful for that because her depression wasn't so bad; the colder the weather got the worse she felt, something she'd dealt with much worse in Michigan where everything died and there was no greenery to be found anywhere. Not all the grass died here, and some of the shrubs and trees persisted, too, so the world didn't seem as dead as it did during winter up north. It had rained more often than it had snowed and she had been able to stand on balconies at times to just stare out at the rain and take in the smell which was calming. When Daryl would come out and join her, wrapping his arms around her when she was like that, it was in those moments that she got the dopamine rush she needed to keep going when they couldn't be intimate. The skies had opened up once again as she stood on the porch outside on watch, though the lightning and thunder made her jump rather than let the rain set her at ease.
"You ever gonna stop jumpin' 'cause of thunder?" Daryl scoffed, making Tea jump again that he'd even come outside. "What, one of them phobias you talked about? Nuh-uh, you use your damn words," he told her when she just nodded her head. "It's just us, you don't got an excuse."
"I..." she started only for her voice to break. She cleared it before trying again, barely managing more than a whisper, "I got locked out."
"Locked out of what? That damn place?"
"Yeah," she said quietly.
"How often they do that to you?" he asked, knowing she was meaning the house the damn people who marked her up lived.
"...every time," she admitted.
Daryl reached out and grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips before holding it in his lap, being surprised when she squeezed his hand back and rubbed her thumb along his. Tea inhaled sharply when another round of thunder and lightning broke through the sky, squeezing his arms even tighter as she tried to calm herself down. She started breathing slowly and closed her eyes, paying attention more to the warmth of his hand, the feel of his chest against her back and his breath in her ear. While she loved the rain, thunder and lightning had gotten the best of her since she'd been a kid thanks to her parents constantly locking her out of the house if it was raining. She hadn't understood back then what they'd meant by not wanting to smell wet dog and now that she was older she still hadn't been able to figure out why they would say that when it was illogical. Tea knew it was meant to be an insult, but humans just didn't smell any different wet than dry, unless they'd just showered or used lotion. Dogs only smelled when they got wet because they had microorganisms that lived in their fur and were as natural to a dog's existence as the germs that lived on people's skin. It didn't make any sense how dogs and humans connected when wet because dogs had a biological reason they smelled while humans only smelled if they didn't bathe regularly or wash their clothes. She managed to forget about the storm and drown it out as her mind went on a tangent once again about how the two connected and Daryl held her.
"Sorry," she told him again, not liking how difficult she was being and feeling guilty.
He sighed and simply put his chin on the top of her head. "Should quit sayin' that all the damn time," he told her after a moment of silence.
"Sorry."
"What did I just say? And fuckin' say 'sorry' again else I'm gonna bend you over the railing."
"Too cold."
"Don't care," he told her seductively in her ear, feeling her shudder while putting her head back on his shoulder.
"Mmm, ya make it hard ta," she responded while turning in his arms and reaching up to pull him into a kiss, one of the few she'd initiated in a while.
Daryl held her as she kissed him softly but desperately in the rain, both hands on either side of his head while one of his moved to hers, tangling in her hair. His tongue darted into her mouth, causing her to moan and pull herself closer to him. He picked her up and sat her on the rail of the deck before stepping up between her legs and held her there while he deepened the kiss even more. She was more receptive than normal, bringing her legs around him and creating friction than made him groan as they parted for breath. The smoldering look in her eye made him want to pick her up and take her to a car like Maggie and Glenn had done a few times before their lips connected again in a heated kiss. His hands went under her coat and shirt which caused her to mewl into his mouth and arch her back, pushing her chest into his, to which he took advantage of to press his hand into the small of her back to keep her there. They both started grinding into each other, their breaths leaving little cloud puffs as they got more and more heated. He pulled her scarf off and moved to attack her neck and the warm skin as she breathed out his name into his hear. Her hand was heading towards the opening to his own jacket when they heard someone clear their throat behind them.
"Sorry to interrupt," T-Dog's voice sounded, Tea burying her face into Daryl's chest as she chuckled and Daryl cursed, trying to discreetly adjust himself. "But your watch is over. Was gonna tell you to get inside before you freeze, but it looks like you've got that covered."