Newly Revised
"The hell you doin', girly?" Merle asked as he stumbled upon Ani sitting at the base of a tree, pressing one of her knives into her thumb, though there was no blood so she wasn't doing it hard.
Ani looked up at him and huffed a laugh, "Thinkin' 'bout when things were easia."
Merle glared at her for a moment, knowing what she was talking about and internally cussing both of his siblings out for their behavior. They both used physical pain to handle their emotional turmoil instead of getting off their chest and out in the open. He'd already seen the healing wound on his brother's hand and asked about it, learning he'd done it when he thought he'd lost the tiny woman. Daryl had made him swear he wouldn't tell Ani about it since she was already drowning in what he'd done when she was gone; he didn't want to add that onto it. And now, here he was, catching Ani about ready to hurt herself just like Daryl had because of whatever had gone on between the two. There had obviously been something wrong at the church with their fight and it was plain as day that the rift hadn't been mended. When he talked to Daryl about it, all he got was that there had been some misunderstandings on her part and bad calls on his. Ani had barely been talking the last week and had barely been eating, either, but every time she watched Daryl leave camp, the look on her face was like a dog that'd been kicked. Daryl wasn't much better when he thought no one was watching him as he stared at her, chewing on his thumb like he did when he was troubled. They were two sides of the same coin, the only real difference in that Ani put the knife away as she stood up whereas Daryl kept lighting cigarettes.
"I ain' goin' ta do anythin' stupid," she told him. "I ain' goin' down that rabbit hole again. 'Sides, Daryl wouldn' want me ta. Don' matta what's goin' on with 'im, I still don' want ta hurt 'im."
"What's on your mind, Ani?" Merle asked after a few minutes of silence as they followed a dried up creek bed.
"Nothin'."
"What's goin' on with you and Daryl then, hmm? Gonna answer that one?" he asked while pursing his lips and tilting his head to the side, an annoyed expression playing on his face as she stared blankly at him. "I know damn well somethin' happened out in those woods. Came back the same way and not too far ahead of 'im. I know damn well you were together in those woods and he's back to lookin' at ya like a little lost dog. So what happened?"
"We broke," Ani told him simply.
"The hell does that mean?" Merle asked, confusion mixing with worry; Daryl said they were having a fight, he didn't say anything about this.
"He...he didn' look for me. He didn' even try ta find me. But 'e ran all night for Beth, busted my lip for Carol. He's barely fightin' for me now and still takin' Carol out with 'im. Afta everythin' she did, everythin' she was willin' ta for a bullshite reason, 'e's still...I jus' want ta go so I don' got ta see it and I don' got ta feel like I'm weighin' 'im down and holdin' 'im back from bein' with who he really wants ta be with. But 'e won' fuckin' let me. And I don' want ta leave 'im, but I can' keep watchin' 'im leave me."
"You listen here, Ani. Even before you rolled into that quarry, he was head over heels for ya. Whatever you told him that night, it stuck with him. He started changin' then. Already was the sweetest of all of us back at Dave's, only one not on the hard stuff, too. Smoked his weed, ate 'shrooms from time to time, drank his whiskey and beer, called it a day. Hell, the man passed up on so many one-nighters after meetin' ya I thought his dick fell off!" Merle said with a chuckle. "Dry streak ended with you, though. Knew it would when you looked him over with those big green eyes of yours. Now, I ain't one for believin' in all that romance bullshit from movies and shit, but if there were ever two people meant for each other, it's the two of ya."
"Ya don' get it, Merle."
"Oh, I do.
"Merle," Ani drawed out. "He don' need my crazy bringin' 'im down nah more when there's a betta option for 'im right fuckin' there, starin' at me every time they come back like she stole somethin' a mine. He's got 'er, 'e don' need me."
"Ani, quit runnin' from him. Quit thinkin' he's gonna reject you or he don't need you. The man would gladly take on the whole world for ya, and yeah, he made some stupid mistakes. We all have."
"I've neva made 'im feel worthless compared ta anotha man always hangin' around me."
"Never thought I'd see the day the great Ani Dixon would just roll over," Merle goaded, Ani rising to the bait completely.
"If ya so fuckin' worried and so fuckin' in touch with what's goin' on, why don' ya fuckin' enlighten me, huh?! 'Cause from where I stand, I've lost my husband ta someone who would have killed me and I can' fuckin' let that go! I jus' can'! And Daryl...I'm 'is wife! Me! But 'e treats me like a kid all the damn time anymore 'xcept when 'e's holdin' me at night! He should jus' let me go like I told 'im ta. Let me leave so he can be happy and I can...I don' have ta see it. I want 'im ta be happy, Merle, and I ain' the one makin' 'im feel that way. I'm jus' makin' 'im suffa," she said, starting out yelling and ending while sobbing. "It's all goin' straight ta hell."
"No, it ain't," Merle told her, frustrated by how she seemed to keep fighting him. "Your brain may be, but you and Daryl? Hell, if you don't pop out a kid 'fore the end of the year, I'll walk around in my birthday suit for the rest of winter! I get he shoulda looked for ya, I get you ain't happy 'bout that or what happened afterwards. But suck it up, buttercup. You ain't leavin' my brother."
"Didn' know it was a group decision."
"Do you love 'im?"
"Ya know damn well I do!"
"Then suck it up! Start small, but ya gotta get back in the saddle, kiddo. He won't make the first move 'cause he's too chicken shit of scarin' you off. So it's time to put your big girl panties on and cut him some slack."
"But I don' wear any wear any panties. They're uncomfortable and always give me a wedgie."
Merle laughed at Ani's naivete and shook his head, "Fine, Mrs Freeballs, get the stick outta your ass, then, and do somethin' to show 'im he ain't losin' ya. Ain't nothin' gonna get fixed if you don't."
"Why'm I always the one that's got ta be the bigga person, huh? Why's it always on my head ta make things betta?"
"'Cause he don't know how," Merle told her as they saw Daryl through the trees and headed towards him. "He ain't good with words or people like you are. You know, that feelin' of loss, it ain't just you feelin' it," he told her, breaking through the trees where the man was creating a hole in an attempt to find water. "Here we are, lookin' everywhere for water, and your man here's diggin' in the dirt."
"Find anythin'?" Ani asked quietly.
"Yeah, a worm," Daryl said, producing it and making a point of showing it to her before he opened his mouth and stuck it on his tongue before proceeding to make a show of eating it.
"Ew!" Ani said, thoroughly grossed out. "Keep ya worm mouth away from me. That's disgustin'."
"Mean I get to kiss you again?" Daryl asked, his chest tightening painfully as he looked at her; it'd been five days since she'd kissed him.
Ani sighed, thinking about what Merle had said, but right now, she was still trying to wrap her mind around everything and accept that she needed to move on. All she could manage was a small smile for Daryl before kneeling down and helping him dig. She wanted to go to him, wanted to be in his arms more than just when they'd slept, but he'd head out alone and she'd be hurt all over again. She was trying so hard to get the voices under control, too, but it had become so much more difficult over the last week. It was worse than when he'd initially rejected her at the quarry because it was his voice stuck in her head, and not in the way she wanted it to be. As it was, she missed when he would whisper in her ear how much he loved her or how 'perfect' she looked when she was almost asleep. She missed the feel of his skin against hers more than just when his hand brushed against her. More than anything she missed when he would look at her with love and wonder instead of pain and guilt. Ani knew that it was more on her than Daryl at this point and knew she needed to do her part but she was still having problems wrapping her mind around everything.
"You know I'm sorry, baby girl," he said quietly, knowing his brother was standing close by.
"Yeah, I know."
"I love you."
"I know, love ya too."
"Ania," Daryl said, sitting back since there was no point in digging; the water was gone. "We gonna be okay?"
"I want ta be," she admitted with a sad smile, Merle walking further away as they had their heart to heart. "All I can think 'bout is what happened, how it all went down, has been goin'. And it still hurts. Feels like I ain' good 'nough for ya, like I ain' doin' nothin' but holdin' ya back."
"You ain't," he told her. "I shoulda looked for you. I shouldn't a hurt you tryin' to get Carol. She's Phia's mother and you know damn well you'd hate yourself if you did somethin' to her. That's why I told you to talk to her. I didn't mean to make things...," he sighed, lifting her chin to look in her eyes. "I told you, Ania, ain't no one for me but you. Ain't ever gonna be anyone but you."
Merle's whistle stopped their conversation as he motioned for them to head out and began walking back towards the road they'd left everyone at. As Daryl stood, he contemplated offering Ani a hand, but instead just stood there watching as she got up herself before taking a couple steps forward. Ani sighed again, trying to calm her nerves as her hands started shaking from the thought of touching another person; her fight with Daryl had really done a number on what she could handle. It hadn't helped that two nights ago she'd laid Abraham, and subsequently Rosita, out; Abraham was for being a belligerent dickhead thanks to some brandy he'd found and Rosita for getting pissed about it. The woman had attacked her first, attempting to throw a punch that Ani easily dodged and returned in full, so Ani could only internally shrug when she thought about that. Daryl had asked her if she was alright afterwards and all she'd been able to do was look down in shame at being so quick to anger. She reached out and entwined their fingers, Daryl squeezing her hand in return, before dropping it a few minutes later. Unless she was sleeping or they were forced to be in a car, that was the most she could manage before her skin started to crawl again. They'd found Maggie and were on their way to rendezvous with Sasha by the time she let go, not missing the look Maggie gave her when she did and stepped ahead of Daryl a few paces. Sasha hadn't found any water, either, and none of them had seen any viable game trails while most of the vegetation had begun to dry up in the late summer heat. They breached the trees and onto the road, heading towards their last remaining vehicle where everyone else was sitting and waiting as they walked up.
"Oh shit," Sasha said as she looked at them.
"It's been a day and a half," Maggie said, indicating how long they'd been without more than a sip or two of water, let alone food. "They didn't find any either."
"How do you know?" Sasha asked.
"They'd be doin' more'n sittin' with their heads hangin'," Ani told her, watching as Bobby and Catty ran ahead. "Glad they're doin' alright. And Judith."
"How much longer we got?" Maggie asked.
"Sixty miles," Sasha answered.
"I wasn't talkin' about that."
"Humans can go roughly a week on minimum wata and nah food. At least, we can. Judith, I don' know. A couple more days 'til she becomes lethargic."
"That's not a pretty picture to paint, Ani," Merle told her, not wanting to think about the baby he'd been helping carry losing the fight.
"Wasn't tryin' ta be pretty. Was tryin' ta be real."
Finding they returned empty handed as well, the group loaded into the large van, not bothering to stick around. Ani had to sit on Daryl's lap, much like Maggie was sitting on Glenn's, though Daryl could feel just how tense her body was, almost to the point of shaking due to being so stiff. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and brought her knees up onto the door, tucking her chin into his neck. He felt fresh tears fall on his collar as he told her they'd be alright, that he had her and wasn't going to let her go, that they'd be out of the 'death trap' soon enough. Ani shuddered a breath and brought her hands up to his arms and clung to him for dear life as the car traveled down the road. The other voices were momentarily cut off as he whispered in her ear everything she'd been missing for the last week. She was so sure she had broken them, and yet here he was, in her moment of weakness, doing his damnedest to make sure she was alright. Ani could barely handle the stifling air from everyone being in the, to her, small vehicle and almost felt like she could feel their breathing on her. Daryl's was one thing and she'd had nearly a year to get used to it, and several nights spent breathless under him that left her with the shivers every time she felt it against her skin. But feeling like a sardine in a can was not something she enjoyed and Daryl was doing his best to help her stay calm. Her breathing was coming out in harsh, short breaths as her body began to shake even more by the time the van sputtered to a stop.
"We're out," Abraham told them.
"So we walk," Rick said.
Piling out of the vehicle, Daryl watched as Ani practically ran out the door, bending over with her hands on her knees trying to even her breathing. He grabbed her bag and bow along with his after he got out before going over to her and rubbing a hand up her spine. She quietly told him she was okay and thanked him for helping her keep from having a panic attack. Daryl felt like he'd been punched in the gut that she felt she had to thank her for doing what he was supposed to as her husband. Ani hadn't thought about how he would take her thanking him for his help until she saw the hurt on his face all over again. She tried to grab a hold of his bicep as he turned away, but she ended up holding back instead and hanging her head as they started walking down the road. She hadn't meant it like that, as if he never helped her or didn't want to of his own free will. She'd simply been grateful that he'd been there for her like he had been, that he'd kept her calm and had given her some reassurance in the process. Ani thought he would understand that she was thankful for him being him and being there rather than take it as if he had to be there for her. How she had managed to mess up just when things had started feeling like they could go right again had her staring at the ground as she listened in on Daryl and Rick's conversation as she followed behind.
"We're not at our strongest," Rick commented, speaking about the walkers that were following them at a decent distance. "We'll get 'em when it's best. High ground somethin' like that. They're not going anywhere." The pain in Daryl's eyes when he'd looked at Ani had been evident even to Rick, quietly saying, "It's been three weeks since Atlanta. I know somethin' happened back there."
Daryl looked over to Rick and at the baby in his arms and said, "She's hungry," completely ignoring the implied question.
"She's okay. She's gonna be okay."
"We need to find water, food."
"We'll hit somethin' in the road."
"Smells like rain," Ani piped up from behind them.
"On a sunny day?" Tara asked.
"No, she's right. It's gonna rain eventually," Rick said, not smelling it so much as seeing it in the darkening and thickening clouds overhead.
"I'm gonna head out," Daryl said suddenly, not wanting to talk to Rick about his problems with Ani and not wanting to have to see the guilt in Ani's own eyes every time he looked at her. "See what I can find."
"Okay," Rick said.
"Want me ta come?"
"Naw, I got it."
"Oh, okay," Ani said, looking at the ground and trying not to feel hurt.
"Don't be gone too long," Merle told him, giving him a look as to why he wasn't taking Ani with him; it was the perfect opportunity to talk to the girl, kiss and make up as it were, but he was passing it by.
"I'll go with you," Carol told him.
"I said I got it."
"What? Are you gonna stop me?"
Ani watched as they walked off before looking down and sighing, "I can' do nothin' right, can I?"
"I told you to suck it up."
"I'm tryin!"
"Are you? 'Cause from the look on his face, the look on yours, I'm questionin' if either of ya are."
"I'm tryin'," she said more quietly. "Ya think I don' wish I could jus' fuckin' run inta his arms again and jus' have everythin' be okay? It was goin' right in that van. He was doin' everythin' 'e used ta when I got like that and I fucked it up by thankin' 'im for it! I jus' want ta get past it all and jus' be with 'im again. But it's hard ta when she keeps followin' 'im out and I can' even open my mouth ta tell 'er off 'cause I'm scared a what 'e'll say."
"Hell, girly, you ain't got nothin' to be afraid of. Call her out. Put 'er in her place like you did Rosita. Daryl gives you any trouble for it, I'll knock his teeth in."
"Like that's goin' ta change anythin' 'bout how 'e'd feel if I did somethin' ta 'er. I can' risk losin' 'im jus' 'cause I don' like 'er."
"You know damn well that ain't gonna happen, Ani," Merle told her, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder for only a moment before taking it away; he'd been flipped one too many times the last week. "I don't do this sentimental crap for just anybody. I know you're hurtin', but he's hurtin', too. Thing is, your both hurtin' on opposite ends of the same stick. He's hurtin' 'cause of the choices he made just as much as you are. But you gotta stop blamin' him for 'em."
"I don' blame 'im for that. I ain' angry 'bout that. I could a already been ova it all if it had jus' been that. But it wasn'. And the thing is, I know I can' be angry 'bout 'im runnin' afta Beth; I'd a done the same thing. And Carol. Dammit, I know damn fuckin' well I ain' bein' rational in any a this, Merle. I know I ain' thinkin' straight 'cause if I was, the only thing 'e'd done wrong is when 'e busted my lip and nose as far as that goes. But 'e gave up on me, Merle. I tried like hell ta find 'im and 'e jus' thought I was dead," she scoffed through her tears. "And I can' even really be angry at 'im 'bout that eitha. Look at Beth and Maggie. Maggie didn' even think a Beth when the prison was taken, but Beth ain' holdin' it against 'er. I don' know why I ain' lettin' it go."
Merle watched as the strongest woman he'd ever known broke down in front of him and offered what little comfort he could putting his hand on her shoulder. She wasn't acting like herself at all and hadn't been since she'd gotten back to the group after her little siesta in Daryl's arms. The more he thought about it, the more he started jumping to his own conclusion about the little lady that had him worried about what was to come. He had never seen her cry so much, never seen her act so standoffish towards another person, never seen her spiraling so far down the rabbit hole of her mind that she couldn't even find Wonderland. Anyone else might've thought her mind had broken being alone for all that time, but Merle was starting to think it was something different. If he was right, the two of them would be forced to face their problems head on and only had so long to get it done. He needed to get the two of them back to boning each other and all that lovey-dovey bullshit they did that made him want to gag sooner rather than later.
"Have you told my baby brother any a that?"
"Ya see what I look like jus' tellin' ya!" she cried, trying to wipe her face free of tears and failing. "If I can' get 'im alone, how the fuck can I tell 'im?! And ya saw what jus' fuckin' happened! I asked ta go and he told me nah and then didn' make Carol stay in camp! It's been like this eva since Atlanta! I can' take it and I can' talk ta 'im and I jus'...I jus'..."
"I get it, so here's what you do," he told her, making her looking at him as he threw a rag at her. "Wipe your face off. Got snot all over. Nest time 'e goes out, I'll run interference with Carol. Keep 'er company for a little while. Get a feel for what she thinks about the whole situation. While I do that, you go bump uglies with my baby brother and get it all out of your system."
"Merle!"
"Ain't that how you've always settled your shit?"
"Yeah, but..."
"No buts, then. Clear the air 'round y'all, then work it all out Neanderthal style."
"Ya the worst," Ani laughed, making Merle chuckle himself.
"Got ya to stop cryin' though."
~x~
Daryl was walking in the field with Carol looking for any kind of game trail, though it was obvious that nothing had been through here in a while since it was too dry. He didn't know why the older woman had come; she wasn't a hunter and had barely had any tracking lessons with Ani before she'd gotten sick. He'd shown her the basics of trapping and snaring and felt she had a good handle on it, so she really didn't need to keep following him out into the woods. Honestly, he knew he wouldn't find anything out here, he'd just wanted to be away from the group, away from Ani so she could deal with her head. It was slowly killing him inside that she couldn't even handle his touch his touch when she was awake anymore. Hell, it felt like the only time he could touch her was when they went to sleep, the only comfort being how she was still sleeping in his arms. He could see the guilt on her face and knew she knew he was hurting, but neither of them could really do anything about it. They'd come to an impasse where Daryl didn't know how to make up for his mistakes and he knew Ani didn't know how to let it go. He was losing his wife with each passing day and it was only making his own dark thoughts grow.
"Anything?" Carol asked, bringing him back to the moment at hand.
"No, it's too dry," Daryl told her. "There ain't nothin' here."
"Maybe we should start back," Carol suggested.
"You go," Daryl said, turning his back on her and starting to walk off.
"I think she protected me in the van. Braced herself against me so I wouldn't be as jarred as her," Carol called out. "She's always protecting people. But she's not good for you anymore."
"The hell you know about it?"
"I know something's goin' on with you two. Some kind of fight. And I know I'm part of it, and Beth," she told him. "But she's weighing you down now. We all can see it. It's dragging you down and slowly eating away at you. You've got to let her go before it kills you. If you can't move past it, then move on. Let her go like she wants to."
"Yeah, you'd like that, huh?" Daryl said in anger, finally realizing just how Ani could think Carol was trying to get between the two of them.
Even though he didn't want to go back yet, Daryl led Carol back to the road. It was a good thing too, as a walker was about to take a bite out of Rick and Ania was too far away to get her aim right. He could tell by the way she was halfway over the bridge to come to their aide as the group of walkers that had been behind them finally caught up. Ani herself was pissed; that plan had been perfect from the get go, and, as Abraham so eloquently stated, the plan got dicked thanks to Sasha! She shouldn't have let the woman talk her into letting her take her place in the plan. If it hadn't been for Daryl popping up out of no where, they would have lost Rick, and Ani couldn't handle another loss, not after Noah's community, Tyreese, and Daryl.
"Surprised you weren't up there with 'em," he told Ani as he walked up, noticing her look down when he came to stop in front of her.
"Sasha said she wanted ta," she said quietly, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes. "'Sides, didn' think ya'd be happy with me doin' it anyway, so..."
Daryl didn't know what to say to her, so he just nodded his head and gave a small gesture to indicate they should get going. Ani wanted to say something, but just didn't have the words to convey what she was feeling. Everything had wracked up and she was in need of a reset, but there was none available for her right now. They were constantly on the move, so taking a couple days to just be lazy was out of the question and they definitely didn't have any kind of chocolate or coffee for a dopamine rush. The last thing she could do was to have Daryl pin her down and rut her hard, but that wasn't an option anymore with how things were going, either. She wanted so badly to mend things, to apologize for misunderstanding him and for her jealousy, but she couldn't bring herself to speak first. As much as Daryl was waiting for her to come to him, giving her space to heal from the hurt he'd caused her, Ani was waiting for him to do the same. They both wanted to reach out for the other but felt as if a wall had been placed between them while they walked down the road side by side.
"Dad, look!" Carl said excitedly as a trio of abandoned cars lay up ahead.
"I'm gonna go out. Circle back," Daryl said, realizing that this would probably be where they made camp for the night.
"May I come?" Carol asked before Ani had the chance; Daryl noticed how she'd deflated the minute Carol spoke up.
"Naw," he said quickly, still wanting a chance to be alone with his thoughts. "Naw, just me."
~x~
When Daryl got back to camp, he was met with the weary faces of everyone around them with Rick sitting back to back with Carl and everyone was just looking completely defeated. Ani was sitting with Sophia and Merle, her head having been on a swivel since Daryl walked off to keep an eye out for him. While everyone else had startled when he walked up, her eyes locked onto his for the first time in what seemed to Daryl to be forever. The pain and guilt in her eyes was as evident as the look of pure love that shown through them in that moment, something that forced him to turn away from her. Ani quickly wiped tears from her eyes before he had a chance to see it when he turned his head, hoping that he would come to her finally only to be disappointed when he ignored the chance. He still walked to where she was sitting and sat down next to her, though, so at least he was still with her. Daryl wanted more than anything to just reach out and wrap her up in his arms but he folded them over his knees while just barely brushing his arm against hers. She surprised him by leaning her head against his shoulder, still looking at the kittens in her lap rather than at him as he watched her, but it was something. He chewed at his lip as he contemplated saying something to her but he didn't want to ruin the moment and chose to remain silent, just staring at the girl he wanted in his arms.
The moment was ruined anyway with the sounds of growls and branches breaking sounded out as the kittens began to hiss and ran to hide behind a tree. Out of the forest behind him, four large, aggressive looking dogs began growling and barking at the group. Daryl might have been willing to try to scare them off as he reached for his knife and leaned around Ani protectively as pulled her gun. She literally jumped and was thankful she hadn't taken the safety off when the first mutt went down, cussing and grabbing onto Daryl's arm. Practically everyone was startled and then shocked as Sasha shot all four dogs in the head leaving no guessing games as to what was going to happen. Ani counted it a blessing as she looked around, finding some sticks as she watched Rick's face harden with realization at what was about to happen. Merle walked over to the dogs, he and Daryl sharing a look of discontent but nonetheless, this was the apocalypse, and food was food, with the exception of Ani's fucking kittens. Even when there was no food and they were down to the option of the kittens or starving, she had fought tooth and nail and had been damn near ready to kill when it had been mentioned. Daryl had told Rosita to shut the fuck up and grabbed up one of the damn things to hand to Ani when the woman tried to argue with her about it. He backed her up and had made sure the kittens were near his girl whenever Rosita got too close to one of them. Abraham would grab them too, but he wasn't so nice when he gave them back; he dropped them on Ani's head.
"What are you doing?" Eugene asked as Ani returned with some branches to make a small fire.
"Buildin' a fire."
"Why?"
"So we can eat," she said plainly.
"I am not eating dog," the man said resolutely.
"Yeah, you are," Abraham told him, taking out the liquor bottle he found and taking a healthy swig from it.
"Don' worry. It tastes kinda like if a cow and a sheep had a baby," Ani told him. "Ain' bad at all."
"You've seriously eaten dog before?" Tara asked, looking horrified.
"Well, coyote, but I reckon dog's goin' ta taste pretty damn similar."
"What are you?" Tara asked as she watched Ani light the fire, completely flabbergasted by the second smallest person in the group, the first being Judith.
"Human, what are ya?" Ani asked without missing a beat, tilting her head in confusion as she heard Daryl and Merle get to work on gutting and skinning their meal. "Give the twins some a the guts and shite! And save the livas! They're good iron for the kids."
"You're eaten some of 'em, too," Daryl told her with a pointed look, only looking away when she gave him a nod of her head while looking him in the eye.
"What else have you eaten?" asked Tara, wondering if it stopped at coyote, cow, and lamb or went further.
"Well, the normal shite; pig, cow, deer, lamb, chicken, turkey, duck, fish. Then there's the not so normal but acceptable shite; squirrels, coons, opossums, pheasants, snakes, cow tongue, pig stomach, skunk. Then ya got ya weird shite. I've had coyote, cat, as in actual cat, buffalo, kangaroo and crocodile jerky, shark fin soup, elephant steaks, zebra roast. Even had some lion burgas once."
"Lion burgers?" Rick asked.
"Yeah, as in ground up lion meat cooked inta a burga, complete with bun, spinach, tomata, onion, honey Dijon mustard, bacon, and bourbon sauce."
"And you were bitchin' at me for eatin' a worm," Daryl said as he brought the first carcass over. "How the hell you eat fuckin' lion?"
"Daddy was friends with some big game 'huntas,'" she told him, using air quotes with the last word. "Bunch a pricks with inflated egos and deflated dicks gettin' off on killin' animals that're pointed out ta 'em. Ain' even huntin', it's jus' shootin' and killin'. I get why it's needed, 'cause, ya know, old animals, aggressive ones takin' out otha endanga'd species, helps the local economy, if all that's ta be believed. But it ain' fuckin' huntin'. Anyway, daddy had a few friends that would go huntin' and have us ova for dinna when they got back ta the States. I got ta try it all 'cause the friends would make a big ta-do ova at their house and they always liked fussin' ova me. One a the wives liked ta play the piano and they all liked hearin' me sing afta I quit playin' the violin so Chrysie didn't have competition. She was pretty good at the violin, but she had a voice that could make birds fall out a the sky. I paid for all the attention I got when we got home, but damn were those meals worth it. I felt like I was somebody durin' those few occasions 'cause it wasn' my mind I was bein' praised for, it was my hobby and my talent," she told him with a look somewhere between content recollection and horrific realization.
They fell silent as the food began to cook, the smell both tantalizing and disgusting to most of the people as Ani sat next to Daryl, though this time she wasn't touching him as he worked on cooking for their small group. Maggie and Carol were also working on cooking over two other fires since they were all hungry and they could only cook so much over one. Ani was thankful for that, to be honest; she was pretty hungry herself, to the point of salivating at the smell, but she wouldn't have eaten if Carol had cooked it. It was stupid, she knew, because it wasn't like the woman knew how to make poisons or could even try anything with so many people in the group. She had to admit, though, seeing Carol's face constantly contorting in disgust every time she handed out a cooked piece of dog was very entertaining. In fact, she could tell by the looks on several of the other member's faces that they were having a serious moral dilemma. Tara, at the very least, looked shocked by how well what they were eat tasted as she ate. They stayed on the side of the road all night, Daryl gathering Ani into his arms as she began falling asleep sitting up. His heart swelled as she wrapped her arms back around him in return, nuzzling her face into his chest as she sighed. This was his favorite time of day anymore, and the one time he got to hold her close and kiss her, even if it was just on her head or cheek. She would always nuzzle into him and hold onto his shirt as if he would disappear if she let go, shifting if his hold on her moved, sometimes even kissing his chest or arm in her sleep. He watched her as he moved them to lay down, a small smile playing at her lips as she pressed herself right up into his chest.
"Love ya, D."
~x~
The next day, they were all walking down the road, Ani and Daryl hanging a little further back than everyone else, when Glenn turned to Daryl to hand him a water bottle. Daryl refused, telling him to give it to Ani, who took it and took a sip before trying to hand it to Daryl, who once again refused. She just held it out to him until he relented, taking the thing and handing it to Glenn himself and leaving her standing and staring at him in shock. She knew that they were running low on the stuff, but to straight up ignore his own need for water was ridiculous. Ani had half a mind to take the water back from Glenn and force it down the man's throat, but that would only make them waste more water than she'd be able to get in his mouth. Then again, if she took a drink and kissed him, she would probably be able to give him some, but that was something that only worked in the movies as far as she knew and was currently willing to know. None of them had had much water the last couple of days and it really was starting to get to all of them, but there was a difference between have little water and no water. Daryl was verging ever more closely to the later as each day had passed.
"Daryl," Glenn chastised. "We can make it. But we can only make it together."
Daryl stopped walking too for a moment before he began walking a little quicker and passed Abraham with a, "Tell 'em I went lookin' for water."
Ani watched him until he was in the woods and waited a few minutes, watching as Merle distracted Carol with some dumb story before turning to Abraham and asking, "Ya think ya can cova for us, Red?"
"Yeah, I got you covered," Abraham said as Ani started walking after Daryl, pulling her bead and feather out of her bag before tossing it to the tall man, the cats following along behind. "Make it up with your man before the two of you or Sasha completely side rail this rodeo."
"Yeah," she said.
She knew that the strain in their relationship was what was causing a strain in the group due to stress; she wasn't being a very effective leader when she couldn't concentrate on leading. Ani took her good sweet time following Daryl's trail and fiddling with her hair to put the bead and the feather back in place. A symbolic gesture to hopefully take away some of the pain and one she should have gotten around to a long time ago. She was surprised the feather was still in good shape considering how long it had been in the bag and how badly the bag had been jostled around. Sighing and looking down at the trail, she couldn't help but start thinking about everything that had happened in the last month. It wasn't Daryl's fault, any of it, or even hers, and she had realized it when Merle had gotten her to open up. She really had been being a total bitch for not understanding what Daryl had wanted for her, not of her. She should have pushed the voices down and blocked them right back out before they took on Daryl's voice and made things so much worse in her head. She'd done it once with her bloods' voices, she could do it again with his if she just gave him a chance, gave herself a chance. She knew she needed to get this done and over with for both her and Daryl's sakes, but damn if she wanted to put it off some more. Ani could see his back as he leaned against a tree while she walked up, gasping when she saw what he was doing and smacking his hand.
"What the hell are ya doin'?!"
~x~
Daryl traveled into the woods alone once again not knowing what he was going to do to get things back to where they were supposed to be. He couldn't help but think about how it felt like Ani was slipping through his hands and how his relationship seemed as desecrate as the decomposing deer he stared at before moving on. His chest constricted badly every time he thought of his wife and how what used to come so naturally was so foreign with her now. Hell, it'd only been three weeks since he'd found her and everything, literally everything, had gone bottoms up and changed after he had. Couldn't just reach out and hold her like he used to, couldn't just grab her for a kiss, couldn't even hold her hand. And he wasn't sure which of them was responsible for it anymore, not really, because she should have come around by now but was still so distant. She was dealing with everything he'd said, everything he'd unintentionally done to hurt her and that left a gaping hole in their relationship. But he was also hurting and didn't know how to react around her right now because he was still scared she would run off like she had already tried to, twice. It was only getting worse the longer they kept dancing around each other and Daryl wasn't sure how much longer he could wait, how much longer he could give her, before he really began to believe it was over. She still sleeps in my arms, he reminded himself for at least the hundredth time today as he looked over, noticing a dead walker sitting against a tree before slowly moving on.
He didn't find any water but he did manage to find an old barn that looked like it'd had better days sitting in the middle of a small field just outside the tree line. It was peaceful, quiet, and he couldn't help but think how Ani would like it here and he should've asked her to come with him as he sat against a tree. He said he wouldn't leave her in camp all the time, but he couldn't handle seeing her looking so damn guilty all the time either. What he needed to do was clear his damn head and get it on right so he could quit hurting her and give her what she needed him to. Scoffing at himself as his emotions welled, he pulled out a very crumpled cigarette pack and pulled the straightest one out before lighting it. As he took a drag, he could feel the pain and sorrow welling while he played with the zippo Ani had given him. He thought about what Carol had said, how Ani wasn't good for him and he should just move on and let go. Daryl couldn't agree with her at all, though, not that she was weighing him down, not that he didn't need her; nothing the woman had tried to tell him was true. He took a couple more drags while looking up at the barn and thinking about how he might have to let Ani go if things didn't change. How the hell was he supposed to deal with it hurting so bad on the inside that it was hard to breath? When it was so painful even the word pain wasn't enough to described his torment? Taking the cigarette out of his mouth, he contemplated it for a moment before placing it on his old scar, freshly healed from the last time he'd done it, the familiar pain easing the one in his chest momentarily.
"What the hell are ya doin'?!" Ani's voice rang right as her hand smacked the smoke out of his.
"The hell, Ania!"
"Nah! Ya don' get ta pull that shite, not when I catch ya hurtin' yaself!"
"Just go back to camp!"
"Not without ya," she said, as she stood above him and crossed her arms.
"Just go," he said. "I don't want you here."
"A course ya don't. Well tough shit! I'm fuckin' here and I ain' leavin' without ya!"
"Hell'd you even come out here for anyway? What? Merle send you?" he asked petulantly, reminding Ani of when she had said something similar and having a very similar reaction to Daryl's back then.
"I came ta fix this, asshole! I came 'cause I'm tryin' ta stop circlin' the fuckin' drain thinkin' too damn hard 'bout all this! I'm tryin' ta rememba that the voices in my hard jus' echoes a my past, but it's the fuckin' hardest thing ta do when it's ya voice sayin' that I don' deserve shite! Not ya, not happiness, not a home, nothin'! I let 'em in 'stead a fightin' 'em off and I pushed ya away 'cause I was too caught up in two fuckin' trains a thought that made those voices seem ta be tellin' the truth. I was losin' ya first, and ya made it easy ta believe I was," she cried. "I'm sorry I let anga and jealousy get the betta a me. I'm sorry I didn' open up ta ya and try ta talk ta ya and tell ya exactly what I needed and what I wanted. I jus' didn' know what it was otha than jus' you!I should a been willin' ta at least try ta undastand ya and I'm sorry, D. I'm so fuckin' sorry. But that don' mean ya get ta do that shite!Ya...ya burnin' yaself!"
"Ain't no different than what you used to do," he said quietly, tears silently starting to fall down his own cheeks.
Ani dropped next to him and took his hand in hers, grabbing the little bit of her water she had to clean his burn, "And that's what makes it worse, D. That's what makes it worse. 'Cause I've been fightin' the urge ta be cuttin' again. Ya can ask Merle, 'cause 'e saw me playin' with the knife. But I been fightin' it. I didn' want ta go down that road jus' 'cause it was easy. When we were in the city, when I started feelin' like I was losin' ya ta Carol, " she admitted, "the twins were clawin' up my back and it made me rememba how good it felt ta hurt like that, how freeing it felt. But it ain' right and it ain' healthy and I been fightin' wantin' ta do it since I started feelin' worthless, like ya thought I was jus' a kid. I really thought I was losin' ya, D, and I can'...I jus' can' anymore. I can' blame ya and I can' hold a grudge and I jus' can' keep hurtin' us when all I fuckin' want is ta go back ta the way it was. I jus' need ta know ya mine. Only mine."
Daryl's body was wracked with his own sobs as they both moved as one, Daryl pulling her to straddle him as her arms wrapped around his neck. They held each other tightly as they cried out their sorrows and kept apologizing to each other. They stayed sitting under the tree and holding each other until the tears finally stopped and they were both able to collect themselves. Daryl played with the single braid she'd put in her hair just to hold the feather and bead while tracing his name over the initials on her back, now that he knew what those scars were. They didn't know how long they sat under that tree as they talked about everything they had been feeling the last few weeks. Ani learned that Daryl hadn't once thought that she wasn't right to be angry at him; hell, he was pissed at himself. He told her the truth about what Carol had said and how he had gotten angry at her for what she'd implied. It made Ani snuggle into him as she had turned in his lap, sitting with her side against his chest, to hear that. It was stupid and she knew damn well that it shouldn't have meant as much as it did to hear that, but it did. They managed to talk everything out while they were under that tree, holding each other until all their tears were dry and they both felt a hundred pounds lighter.
"Should've listened," he told her. "Should've just listened to you, baby girl. I'm sorry."
"I know, D. I know. I should a just listened ta ya, too. Should a trusted ya more."
They'd both promised each other to listen when the other said they needed something and promised they wouldn't let people come between them again. Daryl promised Ani that he'd never treat her like a kid again and admitted that he forgot about the age gap. He hadn't meant to make it look like she was a kid in his eyes, but he also had been scared of her injuring herself worse than she'd already been at the time. Ani realized that she'd misunderstood him more than once when he told her that that had been his biggest reason for not wanting her out in the woods; he was afraid she'd break something. In turn, Ani had promised not to read too far into things in the future without talking to him. She promised she would be more open and honest about how she was feeling rather than let it bottle up, even if she had to wake him up in the dead of night to have a whispered conversation. She wasn't allowed to just shut him out anymore; he couldn't help her if she didn't tell him what was wrong. He couldn't read her mind anymore than she could read his, and she wasn't such an open book when she was having a hard time.
When they finally decided to head back, Ani didn't drop his hand the entire way to the road, not even contemplating it as an option as she knew they both needed the reassurance that they were okay. They needed a hell of a lot more than just holding hands, but that was all they could do seeing as they needed to get back to the group. Daryl held onto her hand so tight it hurt, but she didn't complain because at least it meant that he wasn't letting go. Before they got to the road, he stopped them and turned around, giving her a gentle kiss and telling her he loved her, seeing her sappy smile for the first time since the morning before the Big Spot. That was when it really settled in for him that they were going to be alright and had him wearing a shit eating grin as he all but dragged her through the trees. Rick walked up to them with a note in his hand 'From a Friend,' Daryl dropping hers to grab off his crossbow as Ani went to look at the water.
"What else are we gonna drink?" Tara asked.
"Not this," Rick said. "We don't know who left it."
"If that's a trap, we already happen to be in it," Eugene said. "But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend."
"I'm sidin' with Eugene on this," Ani said. "'Sides, Judy needs the wata. She'll die within days and we've barely had 'nough ta give 'er and keep 'er goin'. She needs this."
"But what if they put somethin' in it?" Carol asked doubtfully.
"Not everyone has a mind like ya's, Cars," she practically spat at her, tensing and glancing over at Daryl who didn't even look like he was paying attention. "People can and prolly still do care. I mean, we saved a damn holy man for fuck's sake!"
Whatever argument Carol might have had was cut short by Eugene grabbing a bottle and going to take a drink, only for Abraham to smack said bottle out of the man's hand. While Eugene stood staring at the man in shock, Ani and Daryl were both pissed for two very different reasons. Ani because that water was wasted and she was dripping wet; Daryl because Abraham had smacked the bottle right into Ani's face. He moved to grab the big man, but Ani got in the way by wrapping her arms around his middle and looking down at the kittens. She told him she was fine as she watched the twins lapping up the water on the ground with rapt attention. They didn't seem to be having any issues and even if it took a little while to see in a larger person, in a tiny kitten, anything in the water that would harm them would have an effect the creatures within minutes. Nothing happened even as Daryl and Abraham started having a yelling match over the taller man needing to watch what he was doing, making Ani think it would be fine to drink. It didn't matter any in the end, as thunder started rumbling above them and the skies broke open.
"I'm find, D. See? I'd be wet anyway," she teased as she looked up at him.
Daryl just looked into her green eyes for all of one second before wrapping his arms around her waist, picking her up and bringing a hand to her neck. Their lips met in a heated kiss and damn if it didn't feel good to feel his wife wrapped around him again as everyone else began scrambling for water containers. Ani responded in kind, all the love, need, and desire taking their breaths away as the rain picked up. It was when thunder began crashing heavily and continuously, Judith and the kittens screaming against the downpour, that everyone began to get worried.
"We got ta get out a this storm!" Ani said motioning to the darkened sky above before she picked up her cats, bending over them to shield them from the rain much the same as Carl and Sophia using his hat and her bag to protect Judith. "It's lookin' like it's goin' ta be gettin' a lot worse 'fore it gets betta."
"She's right," Merle yelled over the storm. "We gotta get some shelter!"
"There's a barn!" Daryl shouted.
"Where?" Rick asked.
Daryl lead them back to the barn, helping keep the kids and Ani stable when the way started getting slick. They were all trying to move as quickly as possible as the storm raged, the wind picking up even more. Ani was starting to get overwhelmed herself, the thunder and lightening getting to her as the random loudness and light overstimulating her senses. She didn't mind the rain, didn't mind thunder and lightening when she was inside, but out in it like this, it was causing a sensory overload. The barn came into view later than any of them would have liked, but at least they had a place to go and take shelter from the rain. It was pretty empty aside from hay and books, only a single room in the place that apparently contained a walker with how Maggie reacted. Ani was too busy staring at the tree so much had been brought to light under until Abraham shut the door. Daryl walked up to her and pulled her into his arms, shaking out her hair as she wrapped herself around him, after he noticed what she was staring at. It was over and behind them; they didn't need to think about what had happened because they had gotten everything they needed to aired out.
"Don't think about it," he told her. "We're fine now. We're gonna be fine."
"Goin' ta be betta than fine. I promise. I ain' pullin' that shite again. I ain' pushin' ya away again," she replied, holding him tightly.
"I know, baby girl, I know," he sighed into her ear as they kept hugging. "I ain't gonna give you nothin' to worry 'bout no more, neither."
"How do you guys not get whiplash from her emotions?" Rosita asked as Ani and Daryl got to setting up a fire.
"It's not usually this bad," Maggie told her. "She was alone for a week, though, and everythin' that happened in Atlanta and then after. It's good they've figured it out."
"She's always been so strong," Beth commented. "It's actually kinda nice to see her bein' weak for a change."
"I heard that ya brat!" Ani said as she turned around and threw a small stone at Beth, pegging her in the shoulder as the teen stuck her tongue out at her. "Happy belated, by the way."
"What? How'd you know?" Beth asked, remembering she'd turned eighteen at the hospital.
"I keep track a the days. It's day five hundred thirty six since the declaration of Wildfire, or the Global Outbreak. We celebrated ya seventeenth on day one seventy one."
"What...how?" Abraham asked.
"Eidetic memory, Red, at least when it comes ta bein' soba. Some things are nice 'bout bein' a versie, othas, not so much."
"If you have an eidetic memory," Gabriel piped up, "does that mean you know how many you've killed?"
"Yes," she said shortly, looking down and knowing what was coming next.
"How many?"
Sucking in a deep breath and slowly letting it out, she looked up at her family, Daryl's arms wrapping around her protectively as she told them, "Ova ninety." Choruses of shock from her family, a 'holy flaming shit balls' from Red, and a furious response from Rosita about Ani being a murder was silenced when she continued. "Seven from the 'fore times, when I had ta defend myself from my parents tryin' ta sell me off. Shane, Dale, Patricia. The three I killed with ya, Rick, ova the winta. Tomas. Six from when we went ta Woodbury. Eight when I went and blew up the feed store. Macy the child abusin', husband wantin' bitch. Fourteen rapists in the woods outside the prison, laughin' and jokin' 'bout what they'd done ta a couple little girls, and I mean little. Three othas from the prison in mercy. Two who wanted ta take the prison for 'emselves 'cause they jus' weren' the right fit. Five mercy killin's from that walka attack on the prison. Six more a the Gov'na's men when they rolled through the gates. Four Claimers. And...and at least twenny six from Terminus." She turned and looked at Rosita, whose words had cut the deepest. "Been a murdara since I was twelve, bitch. Ain' nothin' new 'bout the blood I got on my hands. Ain' nothin' gonna cleanse it eitha."
"How you bounce back so fast?" Abraham asked, understanding how that topic could be difficult; he'd lost his own family because of the people he'd killed.
"Ya mean emotionally?" she asked, getting a nod in response. "Once I undastand somethin', anythin' negative 'bout it goes away. Like knowin' 'bout the cycle a violence in families and how the abused tend ta turn inta abusas themselves. I undastand why my parents did what they did, and while it wasn' remotely right, ain' shite can be done 'bout the past, so what's the point makin' a fuss? What happened with Daryl and I, it was all jus' one big misundastandin' blown out a perportion by previous events. We cleared it up, came ta the 'undastandin'' part. Now all's I need is to sit 'ere in these arms."
"Seriously?" Rosita asked a bit snidely. "That's all it takes, you to understand something?"
"Yep," she said with the familiar pop that had Daryl smirking behind her, bringing her back closer into his chest. "Or at least most a the time; I'm a bit a an airhead when it comes ta D. But unlike all a ya, my emotional receptors aren' designed ta gradually shift from one gear ta anotha. For ya emotions, it's like goin' down a wata slide; twists and turns and loops 'til ya get ta the big finish and hit the pool; when ya come up for air, that's when the ride's ova. For me, it's more like havin' a movie playin' and if I'm bored with the movie, I can jus' switch the channel ta somethin' betta. Undastandin' why somethin' happened let's me let it go 'cause I can move on ta somethin' betta."
"Okay," Rosita said long with a nod. "That doesn't explain his change."
Ani looked back at Daryl the best she could from where she was at, "What change? Ain' a damn thing changed 'bout 'im."
"Right, 'cause going from no contact to practically conjoined is 'nothing.'"
"Practically conjoined is all they really know," Michonne told them amidst the chuckles from their core group. "You should see the way they sleep on top of each other."
"Yeah, that's actually normal for them. The way you two were being was actually starting to freak me out," Glenn admitted.
"Sorry 'bout that. My fault. Got lost in my head, makin' my skin crawl all the damn time, and had ta get past some shite that didn' really matta in the end," she said giving an apologetic smile to the group. "Shouldn' happen again. Least ways not 'cause a what is was 'bout this time."
"'Bout damn time you two got your shit together," Merle said. "Too bad none of this wood can burn. Too wet. All we got is hay and books."
"Let me go through the books first!" Ani said, suddenly sitting up, making Daryl huff and a few others shake their heads with chuckles. "Only got my original collection now! Need more books!"
They settled in after a while, Carl, Judith, and Sophia falling asleep against the wall of the barn with Bobby and Catty curled up at Judith's butt between the two young teens. It was adorable to see how the five youths interacted with each other; the kittens would inevitabley come back to her when she laid down, but it was cute while it lasted. Ani leaned against Daryl and sighed as she watched them, noticing Rick watching them too. Everything the kids had been through and they had come out so strong and so able to take on the world. They knew how to take care of themselves on top of how to care for others and weren't afraid to do what they needed to. Ani was really proud of the kids and how far they had come in both their maturity and their character. They both had more self-esteem, they both were mature for their ages, and they both didn't realize how close they had gotten to each other. Rick and Ani shared a small smile upon seeing that Carl was once again holding Sophia's hand and before rick started frowning.
"Hey," Ani said. "They're okay. They're betta capable a handlin' all a this than any a us."
"I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now," Rick told her. "In this. But I think I got it wrong. Growin' ups' gettin' used to the world. This is easier for them."
"This isn't the world," Michonne said. "This isn't it."
"It kinda is, Michy," Ani said.
"It might be," Glenn agreed. "It might."
"That's giving up," the woman tried to argue.
"Nah, it's not. It's the reality a the situation."
"Until we see otherwise," Rick said, completely agreeing with Ani. "This is what we have to live with." Looking at them all he turned back to the fire, "When I was a kid, I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war. He wouldn't answer. He said that was grown-up stuff so...so I asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him. But he got real quiet." Rick looked down at the ground, playing with a piece of straw before looking up and finding he had Ani's full attention as she leaned forward listening to him. "He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. He told himself everyday, 'Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.' And then after a few years of pretending that he was dead, he made it out alive. And that's the truth of it, I think. We do what we have to do, and then we get to live."
"That's what I've been sayin' all along. Do what ya got ta do," Ani said with a nod of her head.
"No matter what we find in DC, I know we'll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves that we are the walking dead."
"Nah, hell nah!"
"We ain't them," Daryl said, going to stand up and grabbing Ani's hand to help her.
"Hey, we're not," Rick told them, realizing how upset they were.
"We ain't them," Daryl repeated as the pair made their way back towards the door to stand guard.
Daryl was leaning against a post holding onto Ani a couple hours later, just enjoying having her in his arms again, where she belonged. Everyone else was sleeping and door kept banging open, the chain rattling harshly as the wind and rain entered through the large gap. Daryl let go of Ani who went to close the door while he found something to better seal it up. Her sharp gasp and cry of no and immediate pushing on the doors with all her might alerted him to the fact that something was wrong. His own gasp sounded as he pushed on the doors around her, allowing her to put her back to it and look at him. If she was going to be taken out by a horde of walkers breaking down the barn door, the last thing she wanted to see was her husband's face. Maggie was quick to join them, followed by Sasha shortly there after. The sound must have alerted the others as one by one and then suddenly all at once they were surrounded by their family. Ani cried out in fear as Daryl's body was pushed into hers when Abraham collided with them, using all his bulky strength to help keep the doors shut. Between the thunder, the rain, the walkers, the wind, and being literally surrounded by moving bodies, Ani's breathing started coming out in sharp, short gasps.
"Stay with me, Ania!" Daryl shouted at her, causing her tear-filled eye to look into his, fighting and working on taking longer breaths and holding them for a second before letting them out. "Keep fightin' it. We got this, baby girl."
It seemed to take forever, but the sound and movement outside began to die down and the fight against the door slowed and then stopped. As soon as she didn't have to push against the door anymore, as soon as everyone had given her enough space, Ani was wrapped as tightly around Daryl as she could get. Her face was buried in his neck and her arms were tightly around his shoulders while her legs were wrapped around his waist. He kept whispering in her ear that she'd done good, even as her body was wracked with tremors and they could all hear her crying. Everything about that situation was so bad that she couldn't help her reaction; it had been bad enough in the city and the car and even in the elevator back at the CDC. She'd barely had room to breathe in that fight against the weather and walkers once everyone was and fighting against the door. And when Abraham had come barreling into them and slammed everyone forward, pinning Ani to the door, if it hadn't have been for Daryl, she would have had a true panic attack.
"What's her problem now?" Rosita asked.
"Doesn't like feelin' trapped," Sophia told her. "And she literally trapped herself to help us, so back off."
"I do believe that given the prior circumstances that such a reaction is within the perimeters of normal," Eugene said. "If I had someone to cling to like Miss Ani, that would certainly be lovely right about now considering pant-shitting terror that just occurred."
"Storm's passin' on," Merle stated as he looked through a gap in the boards. "Don't look like any more problems tonight."
"Alright," Rick said. "Let's all get some rest. In the mornin', we'll head back out."
Daryl took Ani to the back of the barn where they could keep an eye on the door but both needing to sleep, laying his poncho out on the ground so they could lay on it. She made a face at it as he took off his vest and shirt, realizing what he was intending. He grabbed her hips and brought his hands up under the edge of her shirt and made sure that she had one of the crop-top things she wore on before he took her shirt all off and laid down, pulling her with him. Ani wasted no time wrapping her arms around him as best she could as he did the same to her, laying her head against his chest and sighing in content. It'd been a long time since they'd had any contact like this, but damn if it didn't feel good. As relaxation combined with exhaustion, Daryl leaned over and kissed Ani's forehead.
"I love you, baby girl. I'm sorry."
"I love ya too, Daddy D," she mumbled against his chest. "I'm sorry too."