Newly Revised
If you read it before, well, I pretty much rewrote it. Also celebrated the holidays and all that good stuff, so it took a bit longer to update. Can't really say I'm sorry, but I should get chapters done faster from here on in. Seems like a lot, but only 52 more chapters before the Author's Note gets deleted and a new chapter gets put up. Thank you for your patience!
"I didn' mean ta," Ani repeated as Daryl brought her outside.
"I know, Ania. I know."
"Put me down," Ani said, suddenly starting to struggle in Daryl's arms.
As soon as her feet were on the ground, she was running to the grass and heaving, everything she'd eaten that afternoon coming up. Every time she had killed, it had been with the intent to kill, or at least maim to get away, and usually in self-defense or mercy. Even that first time at twelve didn't feel like this; it had been an accident, a stupid, complete, idiotic accident. Ani knew she'd released any control of her strength to bring the door down, a deadbolt keeping the knob from easily being broken, and she had tried to get him to stop as peacefully as she could. She'd done everything she could aside from knocking the man out, which she hadn't fully thought of until she was getting sick. When she did think about it, Ani couldn't believe that she was so stupid as to not have choked him out. It had her heaving once again at the thought that it didn't have to end the way it had and she could have used the same hold she used on Merle all those months ago on Pete. If she had known that this was going to be the outcome, that she would accidentally kill someone, she would have never gone over to Jessie's house.
Daryl rubbed her back as she puked, "It's alright, Ania. It's gonna be alright."
"I killed 'im! I didn' mean ta! I've...I've neva...not without meanin' ta. Not without intent. I didn' mean ta," Ani cried when she was done, turning towards him as other citizens of Alexandria came over to see what was happening. "I wasn' tryin' ta!"
Daryl tightened his arms around her as he told her, "I know. I know, baby girl. I know. You don't gotta explain nothin' to me. Let's go home."
The walk to the house was quiet aside from the rushing in her ears and she couldn't even rightly make out the path they were taking, leaning heavily against Daryl as tears fell from her eyes. Before they got to the house, though, she'd shaken her head and been looking around as if she was arguing with someone. Daryl had seen her do this a couple times before when she was having an exceptionally hard time coming to terms with conflicting sides of her brain. The logical side of her was fighting with the emotional side as she replayed what had happened in her mind. Sighing, he just lead her past Aaron's house, the man standing on the porch and asking if everything was okay only for Daryl to shake his head. She wasn't okay, and that was obvious with how she kept muttering under her breath about what she could have done differently. It didn't matter what she could have done, she had done what she should have done, which was protect the kid. Hell, he couldn't even say he wouldn't have done the same damn thing if he had been the one to find it. Daryl brought her back under his arm and took Ani into their house, sitting her on the couch before leaving the room. The kittens were in the backyard and he grabbed them up before taking them back inside and dropping them in her lap since they always seemed to help things out.
"Ani?" Deanna's voice sounded out from the entryway; she and Rick had followed shortly after and she had seen the girl puke. "Ani, I'm sorry, but I do need to ask what exactly happened."
"I was jus' walkin'. That's all. Tryin' ta get used ta walkin' alone again. Heard yellin', glass breakin'. Went ova ta see if I could help but all I could hear was yellin'. Looked through the curtain and 'e had Ron's arm all twisted. I knew it was goin' ta dislocate. And I had ta do somethin'! I kicked in the door and they jus'...he jus' froze. I froze. I didn' know what ta do, I jus' wanted ta stop 'im from hurtin' 'is son. Rushed me, sayin' I didn' belong in 'is house, and 'e was right, but 'e was rushin' me," Ani told her, looking up at the woman with tears in her eyes. "He tried ta attack me. I knew 'e wasn' in the right mind, knew 'e was drunk. So I jus' tried ta deescalate the situation. Tried ta make 'im stop by puttin' 'im in an arm bar, but there wasn' a lot a room and 'e got me inta the wall. I kept redirectin' 'til 'e grabbed my hair. Made 'is arm die so 'e'd let go.
"I warned 'im. I warned 'im five times. I didn' stop warnin' 'im 'til I knew it needed endin' 'fore Ron or Jessie got hurt 'cause 'e was backin' me closa ta them. I didn' see the stairs 'til 'e was goin' down. I should a choked 'im out. I should a tried ta stop it a differen' way. I'm sorry, Deanna. That wasn' the plan. I wanted ta knock 'im out, get Rick or Michy and get Jessie and them unda protection. She said 'e'd gotten betta but the stress a the change made 'im worse. Thought, maybe with some therapy, maybe findin' the right concoction a herbs would a helped and maybe watchin' 'im could make 'im betta. It wasn' the plan ta kill 'im. I wasn' tryin' ta. I swear I wasn'. It all jus' happened so fast. I swear, I didn' mean ta," Ani repeated.
"Jessie said as much," Deanna said, nodding her head. "Ron's story was a tad bit different. He said that you attacked first when you kicked in the door. That his dad was just angry and did nothing wrong. He claimed that you just wanted to get back at his dad for 'telling the truth' about the Parkers. I reminded him that I was there, and the rumors he spread were nothing more than that. He was adamant that you attacked out of anger and his dad was an innocent victim. His dislocated shoulder and the stitch in Jessie's eyebrow suggest differently."
"I talked to Jessie," Rick told them. "She doesn't blame you for what happened."
"I blame myself, though. I should a paid more attention ta my surroundin's. I should a tried somethin' else. I shouldn' a used a kick. I know it can do more harm than good. I shouldn' a done it."
"Ani, I need you to listen to me. It is quite clear that this was not an outcome you hoped to happen. However, in order to keep the peace, I must insist that the two of you ready yourselves to leave with Aaron in the morning," Deanna said.
"Yeah, that's prolly a good idea," Ani told her while nodding her head.
"Alright, I'll leave you to get ready. Rick, I need to talk to you on the way out. The two of you get some rest. We'll see you when you get back."
Deanna left the house as the kittens started playing, Ani having stopped petting Catty when the woman had walked in with Rick. She was watching them play with a blank expression as her mind went through scenario after scenario of how she could have handled it differently. She could have struck his solar plexus and gotten him winded to the point that he went down and she could get him into a hold she could keep. She could have simply done what she'd done to Shane once upon a time and, again, hit the solar plexus before a good right cross to the temple. But if she had done that, the possibility of him still hitting the stairs was 50/50 and there was no telling if the outcome would have been different. She could have led him outside of the house and into the street as a way to protect his family and have enough room to fight. She could have continued to defend herself and try to talk him down instead of fighting back aside from making sure he couldn't grab her. She could have gotten him outside and waited for Rick and Michonne to come to the scene and handle the situation. There were so many things that she could have done differently that would have resulted in less unsavory outcomes. Yet her mind also played out what would have happened if she had done all of that and things ended up bad anyway. There was nothing she could do about what happened now, but that didn't stop her mind from forcing her to try to find a solution.
"Tell me what's goin' on in your head, Ania," Daryl told her as he sat down next to her.
"How could I do that? His kid was right there. He was jus' s'pposed ta go down," she told him, her voice broken.
"Ain't your fault the guy was a douche."
"Nah, but it is my fault that 'is son saw 'is daddy die in front a him."
"You told him. He didn't."
"Yeah, but that don' mean I had ta kill 'im. I could a done-"
"Don't go there. Coulda done a lot a things different. Coulda gotten hurt yourself. You did what you could. Ain't nothin' gonna change that."
"I know, but that don't stop my mind from tryin' ta make sense a it all. Tryin' ta figya out how I could a done it differen'ly. I know there ain' nothin' I can do 'bout it now, but I wish I would a done it differen'."
"I know, baby girl. I know," Daryl told her, grabbing her and bringing her into his lap.
Ani sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder, "We should start gettin' shite ready. Know there ain' much we got ta get ready, but might as well get it done."
"Yeah," he said, tapping her hip and waiting for her to stand up before getting up himself.
He knew she needed to do something to take her mind off of what had happened and wasn't about to stop her from meticulously making sure they had everything they needed. She went upstairs to their room and pulled out his bug out bag first, dumping the contents before making sure he had enough rations, enough feathers to make new arrows if he needed to, a change of clothes even though she knew he would probably not use them, his canteen, his knives, anything he needed. She did the same to her pack while he went to talk to Merle about what was going on. Ani opened one of the side pockets and noticed the small pouch she had forgotten all about at the bottom of the bag. Putting it off to the side, she decided that she wasn't going to open it just yet, wanting to wait until nighttime in case she couldn't sleep. Just because she'd messed up with Pete and had made things more difficult for her to acclimate to the community, let alone be accepted. Things weren't supposed to escalate to the point it had and she knew that the man had been right that she didn't belong there. But it was her golden rule, the one thing she would never break, and that was that abusers could go without punishment. She had been willing to give the man the benefit of the doubt for the sake of the community rules, Jessie's adamant testimony to Rick, and his children before everything had happened.
Sighing as she grabbed more clothes and went downstairs for jerky, she watched as some of the others from their group, as well as Aaron and Eric, gathered on their front porch. Merle and Daryl were out there explaining what had happened at Pete's as questions were asked. Ani had no intention of going out there with the others after everything that had happened, especially when they were only going to try to make her feel better with platitudes. She knew what she had done and she knew that it was technically an accident just as much as she knew nothing would change what had happened. She didn't need to be told any of that and that was exactly what they would do if she went outside. All she did was grab some jerky, dried fruit, and applesauce before heading back upstairs to finish the packs. There was nothing else to do afterwards, so she sat on the bed and started sharpening the knives until Daryl came upstairs.
They went to bed without talking much and Daryl fell asleep rather quickly with his arm around her, listening when Sophia went to bed and Merle stumbled in after having some liquor with Abraham downstairs. She could hear the man snoring in the next room over and the sounds of the night outside through the open window. Ani tried to go to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the look on Ron's face when she tried apologizing. It kept her awake and had her turning onto her back to watch Daryl sleep for a while before she quietly left the bed. She needed sleep if she was going to be of any help to Daryl and Aaron if she couldn't get any rest. It was the entire reason she'd decided to leave the bag on the dresser, so she could grab it as she crept out of the room and down the stairs. As soon as she got outside, she sat down in one of the wicker chairs and pulled the contents out, throwing a small part of the bud in the grinder and using it before packing her bowl. She just held it for a while as she tried to reconcile the guilt and the logic of what had happened earlier that day. It was as she sighed while looking up that Rick walked up, making her jump when he started talking.
"You sure you want to do that?" he asked her.
Ani sighed after she realized who it was before going back to looking up, "Nah, but I can' sleep and I want ta forget."
"I don't blame you. Want some company?"
"Are ya goin' ta arrest me if I spark it?"
Rick laughed and went to sit down in the other chair, "No, I don't think it really matters anymore, anyway. I can imagine why you're even thinking about it."
"Yeah. Can' sleep and didn' want ta wake Daryl up. He needs the sleep since 'e's the one that's goin' ta be drivin'."
"Don't you need your sleep too?"
"Again, right on the dot. But I can go on less sleep than othas."
"You know, after Shane, I didn't sleep for weeks," Rick admitted to her. "All I saw was that night playing over and over again in my head. I had so much anger, at him, at myself. I just held it all inside. It's probably best if you didn't."
"Ya know I can' do that anyway. Even if I try, it'll come out eventually. I'm not very good at hidin' secrets or my feelin's 'bout things. Even if I tried, it'd all come burtin' out a me at some point. If I hold it in, I explode, and nah one wants ta see that."
"Yeah, I know. I remember when it happened over winter. Reminded me of old rock bands that screamed a lot. I didn't know how someone as small as you could muster up that kind of voice."
"My students used ta call it my 'demon voice.' Loud, gravelly, full a anga and frustration and contempt. Had ta learn how ta put 'em in line since a lot a 'em were my age or olda and resented havin' a professor the same age as 'em, 'cause it wasn' jus' one or two students goin' ta college lata in life. Damn near every class was chalk full a wide eyed teens fresh out a high school while a nineteen year old that's supposed ta be graduatin' or a freshman in college like them was teachin' their entry level classes," she sighed, blowing out smoke at the same time. "Things are just differen' when ya the smartest one 'round and bein' the one with authority when ya the exact same age or younga than 'em. It's part a the reason I didn' have a lot a friends, mostly jus' coworkas and friends a Jessie's. It's also the reason I like how things are in the world now. I don' got ta pretend ta like people or ta pretend they like me. I jus' got ta be what I got ta be. It jus' sucks when I keep makin' a bad impression 'ere when it's jus' goin' ta make things harda for everyone else."
"I think keepin' a man who beats his wife and kids around is more telling than you doin' somethin' about it," Rick told her. "Jessie's doin' alright, by the way. We're gonna be burying Pete just outside the wall. Deanna doesn't want him buried inside after hearing everything he'd been doin'."
"That ain' fair! He's Ron and Sam's fatha! They can' go outside a the walls without someone. They should be allowed ta be able ta visit 'im on their own and let ta grieve and mourn the loss a their daddy."
"Jessie agreed with her."
"That makes it worse! That's the fatha a her kids!"
"He's also the reason Ron has a permanent shoulder injury where he can't raise his right arm over his head and why Sam has a trauma response to fear. You've seen it too, I know you have."
"Yeah, I know, and I know I'm bein' hypocritical for it 'cause I hate abusas, but that ain' the case for Ron. Sam might not be botha'd by 'is fatha's death ta a certain degree, but Ron won' be takin' it lightly. He's angry 'is dad is dead and that 'e had ta watch it happen. That's the whole reason I'm s'pposed ta be headin' out tamorrow; 'cause Ron needs time ta cool down," Ani agreed before sighing and deciding to take a hit. "I hate myself for not thinkin' things through."
"I still hate myself for what happened to Shane. What happened with Lori," Rick admitted, as she blew the hit out, coughing in the process at the feel of the smoke hitting her lungs.
"Fuck, I forgot how hard this shite can hit afta not smokin' for a while," she said after a couple moments and a drink from her canteen, Rick chuckling at her. "Ya know what happened with Lori wasn' ya fault, right? And what happened with Shane was a his own doin'. He let jealousy and anga cloud 'is judgment. That wasn' ya doin' eitha," Ani told him seriously before taking another hit.
"And what happened with Pete wasn't your fault. It was probably gonna happen eventually. You were nicer than I would have been about it."
"Yeah, but ya got a crush on Jessie. 'Course ya wouldn' a been nice 'bout it. Hell, I tried ta be nice 'bout it for the kids. I didn' want 'em ta lose 'im like that. It wasn' the same with Macy. Macy was jus' an aunt and Luke and Brian had a really good life 'fore their momma died. It was differen'," she reasoned. "I didn' have ta kill 'im. I could a done so many things differen'ly."
"Things could've been different with Shane," he countered. "I wish I woulda fixed things with Lori before she died. There were so many things I could've done differently, to make it work. I was just so angry. At least you weren't angry."
"Guess not. Still, seein' Ron's face every time I close my eyes ain' easy. I hate that I did that."
"Why didn't you wake Daryl up?"
"I didn' want 'im worryin' about me more'n 'e already is," she admitted.
"I don't think he's gonna stop worryin' about you after what your parents pulled."
"That's anotha thing that keeps poppin' up in my head. It's jus'...everythin' keeps playin' ova and ova in my head. All the things I could a done differen'ly, all the way back ta when I was a kid," she scoffed. "How fucked up is it that I can' eva let anythin' go without it poppin' back up and me tryin' ta find a way ta fix it when I know can'? It fuckin' sucks."
"I can imagine. You told me once when you start thinkin' like that, you should try to think about what you're doin' next. Maybe you should take your own advice," he told her.
"I know I should. It's jus' hard when ya close ya eyes and see everythin' ya eva did wrong."
"I still see Shane sometimes," Rick admitted, looking out at the road. "I haven't seen Lori since Woodbury, but Shane...I dream about him a lot. The good times. The bad. Sometimes it's him askin' me why I killed 'im. I see his walker grabbin' Carl, tearin' into Lori. Judith ain't mine. Well, she's mine, but Shane...I know it. Everyone knows it. It don't change the fact that I love her or that she's my daughter. There are some things you can't change, even if you wish you could."
"Sounds like somethin' I've said."
"You did. Back at the prison after Woodbury. It doesn't mean I don't still have nightmares, though. I've come to live with it. You gotta accept what happened and move on."
"Is this what I sound like when I'm tryin' ta help someone?"
"Yeah, pretty much," he chuckled, Ani chuckling with him.
"Gods, I got ta be an annoyin' bitch," she laughed.
"Sometimes. But you're right a lot, too. You just have a tendency to not practice what you preach."
"Yeah, I can see that," Ani admitted while nodding her head and taking another hit. "I'm good at turnin' a deaf ear on what I say ta othas. Honestly, I think a lot a shrinks do that. We know what we're s'pposed ta do, but forget ta do it yaself," she sighed. "I jus' hate knowin' 'e died in front a 'is kid and I'm the reason why the kid's goin' ta be traumatized by it," she sighed once again. "That's what bugs me the most. It ain' really that I killed 'im. I don' mind killin' abusas. It's that I did it in front a 'is kid. That's what I hate. That's what I keep seein'. Ron's face when 'e realized 'is dad was dead. The way 'e called me a murdara. Shite ain' eva easy, is it?"
"Would you want it to be?" Rick chuckled.
Ani thought about it as she took another hit before sighing, "Nah, I wouldn'. It'd get borin' real fast if everythin' was handed ta me on a silva platta. Doesn' mean it can' be easy every once in a while."
"I don't think we get that luxury anymore."
"Yeah, I know. We jus' got ta hope it goes right 'fore it all goes wrong."
"We won't let it go wrong," Rick told her as he stood up and headed to the stairs. "You should get some rest. You got a long day tomorrow."
"Yes, Mr Offica, sir!" she laughed with him, sighing as she continued smoking slowly.
~x~
Daryl woke up to an empty bed and shot straight up to look for Ani; he'd known where she'd been ever since the attack and didn't like her suddenly disappearing. He sprung out of bed and grabbed his beater before pulling it on and quickly ran out the bedroom door. He the stairs as fast as he could only to stop short upon seeing the front door open. The last thing he meant to do was eavesdrop on her and Rick's conversation after he heard their voices from the porch. It wasn't all that surprising that she was having problems sleeping after what had happened earlier in the day, he just thought she would wake him up to talk. He hadn't expected her to sneak out of bed to go out on the front porch, let alone that she'd be smoking that shit again. It'd been a long time since she had, and she'd only smoked a cigarette when she'd been drinking, and usually it was a puff of his own, not a full one. He wasn't happy that she was using weed to help her, but then again, he couldn't blame her, either. There were a lot of things that had happened with her in a very short amount of time and she had barely had time to breathe between it all. Everything was probably weighing on her more than she let on and she probably hadn't realized how bad it was just yet. That was the one thing he hated about her; she never knew when she had reached her limits when stress was involved until she was already drowning in anxiety.
He heard enough of hers and Rick's conversation to know that he didn't need to eavesdrop any more than that and headed into the kitchen. Grabbing a glass and getting some water, Daryl sighed and leaned on the counter thinking about what he'd heard. He hadn't even considered the fact that Rick would understand what she was going through the most after what had happened with Shane. They had both been forced to kill someone under unfortunate circumstances where someone else suffered and was angered by their actions. If he would have thought of that before, he might've had her talk to him before it got this bad rather than trying to be there for her himself. He'd been there for almost everything for her since she had wormed her way into his life and then tried to disappear from it all those months ago. There was nothing he could do to help her just now and there was nothing that he could say to make her feel better. Rick was really the best person for her to talk to about what happened with Pete, so Daryl decided to wait until the man left before going out there. He knew that she would tell him when she came back in or when he decided he was going to head out for a smoke himself.
Merle came downstairs after he'd finished his water, "Can't sleep?"
"Naw, woke up and Ani wasn't in bed."
"Oh? Can't live without knowin' where she is, eh?" Merle goaded.
"Can you blame me? From the minute we got here, she's had nothin' but bad shit happen to her. Half tempted to just take her ass to the woods and be done with it," Daryl told him in response. "Fuck, that girl's been through more in her life than most and the shit just keeps pilin' on."
"I know, little brother. But you can't be up her ass all the time. It's like any time somethin' happens between the two of ya, ya start actin' like a pussy whipped little bitch. I left it alone after those bastards attacked. I ain't this time. The two of you better pull your heads out your asses 'fore you get back, or I'll knock your teeth in. This shit has to end."
"Fuck you."
"No, fuck you, boy! You gotta get it through your head! You ain't always gonna be there for 'er to turn to. She ain't always gonna be right there for you to help. Get it through your head, son. She's gotta learn how to deal with this shit on her own. You gotta start makin' her stand up for herself. It's 'bout damn time she quit standin' behind ya."
Daryl sighed as he crossed his arms while looking down, "Ain't that easy. You know how many times I've seen 'er on death's door? Fuck, we just got shit figured out and then she gets beat on."
"I know. That don't mean you don't gotta loosen your grip on 'er. Never know when one of ya might not be around no more."
"Don't talk like that."
"Hey, man, I'm just tellin' it like it is," he told him, raising his arms in defense. "All I'm sayin' is the two of ya need to cut the cord. Gotta loosen it at least. Can't keep her under your arm forever."
"Well I can damn well try! I'm sick of seein' 'er hurt. Sick of seein' 'er meltin' down all the damn time! I'm fuckin' sick of it all!" Daryl told him, standing straight, obviously pissed at what was on his mind. "Feels bad enough just bein' fuckin' different. Now bein' looked at like a monster by these assholes. Hell, she was just lookin' out for that kid and gets called a murderer 'cause of it! Always lookin' out for everyone else but don't get shit in return. And she don't fuckin' care! Just goes on actin' like nothin's wrong with it. Then ever since that damn attack, she's been mumblin' in 'er sleep 'bout them bastards or beggin' 'em to stop if she ain't wakin' up fuckin' sweatin' and shiverin'. And now she's out there smokin' that shit again."
"Well, what do you expect?" Merle countered. "Everything that little girl's been through, if she didn't have a few nightmares I'd think she was a damn alien. Hell, I've seen guys break from less than that girl's dealt with. She's handlin' it better than anyone I've seen. So what if she has a little smoke every once in a while? I've been tokin' the shit since I found out they got it," he chuckled. "Could be a whole lot worse. Least she ain't tryin' to hurt herself."
"Fuck you."
"Hey, man, I'm just tellin' it like it is," he said with his hands up in surrender. "Been keepin' an eye on 'er since I found 'er with that damn knife."
"Why didn't you tell me 'bout it?"
"Why didn't you tell her 'bout that damn burn, huh?"
"You know why."
"Yeah, you didn't want her to worry. She didn't do anything stupid like you, boy. Hell, how often you get lit to forget some stupid shit you did? How often you eat some 'shrooms? Can't blame 'er for wantin' a little somethin' to relax. She could be doin' a lot worse. Could be a damn blubberin' baby like she was when the two a ya were fightin'. Girl couldn't quit cryin' and sayin' how stupid she was to be angry for one reason or another. Fuckin' snot all runnin' out 'er nose and streaks down 'er damn cheeks. Face was cleaner than it'd been in weeks when she wiped it all off."
"She's like that sometimes."
"She's fuckin' annoyin', that's what she is. If I never gotta deal with her bitchy side again, it'll be way too fuckin' soon. So don't go fuckin' it up again and stressin' 'er out over nothin'. She don't need to deal with that right now," Merle told him before heading back into the living room, glancing outside and seeing Rick walking down the steps.. "Friendly's leavin'. Why don't you go talk to your girl?"
Daryl stood in the kitchen for a moment thinking about what Merle had said and knew he was right about Ani needing less stress. She had been constantly under stress since they'd gotten pushed out of the prison and every time it seemed like it was calming down, something new happened. He started walking towards the door while thinking that it would probably be a good thing for them to head out of Alexandria for a while. There would be a lot less stress put on her and she wouldn't be expected to be there for anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat. He could keep her right by him and in his sight to make sure she was able to calm down for a while. She wouldn't have to look over her shoulder to see what people were trying to say about her or rumors being spread about her. He did his best to exit the house quietly, leaning against the house as he watched her quietly puffing away. She was just staring out towards the road as he lit a cigarette before she turned her head and smiled at him.
"Goin' ta watch me or goin' ta join me?"
"Shouldn't be usin' that shit."
"Shouldn' be smokin' that shite eitha, but 'ere we are."
"Yeah, well, guess we both got habits to break," he said as he moved over to her. "How long you been out here?"
"Not too long. Rick stopped by right 'fore I sparked up," she told him while he pulled her up, sat down, and then pulled her into his lap.
"Saw him out here. Heard you talkin'. Thought I'd give you some time."
"Appreciate it."
"Why'd you come out here anyway? 'Nother nightmare?"
"Nah, jus' couldn' fuckin' sleep. Ron's face keeps poppin' up. Head feels quiet and fuzzy right now. I don' think I like it," she sighed, putting her head on his shoulder.
"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you start that shit back up after not doin' it for a while."
"Nah shite, Sherlock. I know how it works. I jus' don' know if I like it anymore. Not used ta it bein' so quiet. Been so long since I could even relax. Hell, I shouldn' a done this shite back at the quarry and it ain' even bein' grown ta be smoked, jus' ta help with some a the meds we can' find othawise. Honestly, I think only me, Merle, and Red have even taken some ta smoke," she chuckled.
Daryl snorted, "Three fuckin' peas in a damn pod."
"I don' want ta be in a pod with 'em. I'd ratha be in one with ya," Ani told him before stifling a yawn, Daryl taking her bowl from her and putting it on the little table between the wicker chairs.
"Let's get you inside, huh? Gotta get up early so we can head out."
"Sounds good ta me."