Newly Revised

Ani, Daryl, Sasha, and Jesus had left for their mission when Carl walked up to Sophia and asked how she was holding up. After everything that they had been through, the fire fight, the trips to the Sanctuary, seeing Glenn killed and the Dixons taken, he was worried about her. Aside from a couple short conversations at the Kingdom before he left again, Carl hadn't had a chance to talk to Sophia. He'd talked to Enid just fine, but it wasn't the same as before because she still didn't understand how he felt about walkers being killed by people they loved if they could be. She wanted Negan dead, but not in the 'kill him with her own hands' kind of fashion like he did. What had really driven a wedge between them was when Enid had tried to tell Sophia she was stupid for going to the Sanctuary on her own when he had done the same and she had kissed him for it. He might be young, but he knew through how she treated Sophia that she had thought the same thing about his trip when he thought Sophia had been even braver than him. After all, he didn't have a plan and didn't play a part while Sophia went in acting and managed to get out without anyone suspecting who she was.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked her after she responded that she was fine while still staring out in the direction they'd left.

"Ani doesn't want us to fight."

"We don't have to," Carl said, earning a huff in response. "We don't, Sophia. I know you're a good fighter, but we don't have to. We don't have to kill."

"We did just yesterday! You were the one who fired the first shot!"

"Yeah, because I didn't want anyone else to die! And a lot of people did!"

"People are always gonna die, Carl," Sophia told him while crossing her arms. "We can either fight to keep it from happenin' or roll over like the dogs Ani wants us to be."

"You're always so angry anymore," Carl chided. "I mean, you have every right to be, but there's gotta be more than anger, right?"

Sophia was quiet for a few minutes before she turned to him, "You don't have a reason to be angry. I do. Nothin's happened to your family except that you get to keep livin' with them. My mom plans on goin' back to the Kingdom to live!"

"You could go with her," he suggested with a shrug. "Try to make things better between you two."

"I don't think I want to."

"You do. If I could go back, make things right with my mom, I would. I would in a heartbeat. Do you remember what I was like back then?" he asked Sophia, looking at her and trying to study her hard face. "I was angry at her. For sleeping with Shane right after telling me dad died. For getting pregnant with his kid. Driving Shane and my dad apart. Treating Ani like she did when Ani did so much to help her. Acting like Ani was a murderer for killing Shane when he tried to rape the both of them. If I could've fought that man you saved me from, I would've. But, Sophia, you saved me. And you can keep being that, somebody who saves people. You don't have to kill them."

"Where is this comin' from?"

"When Negan was about to kill me, how my dad said that it didn't matter. I mean, I know it does, but at the same time, just...I just...There has to be something after, you know? Something to build on after it's all done. We can't just kill everybody and anything. That's what Oceanside does, and look at how well it's gone for them. And if my dad killed Negan, someone else would just try to kill him, and it'd be a never ending cycle. We can't be like that, Sophia. We have to make the world a better place. That's what kids are supposed to do in the end, right? That's what Glenn said, that kids are the future. We're still kids, so we should try to work for a future we see. One we want."

"And what do you want for the future?" Sophia asked, thinking about what Carl was telling her.

"I'm not sure. I know I don't want Negan dead. I don't want my dad dead. I don't want anyone else to have to die. I don't want you to die. I want this war to end. I want to be standing here in five, ten, even twenty years, beside you, looking out for this place," he told her seriously.

Sophia looked at him in shock, stammering as she tried to reply, "Carl...I...I-"

"Carl!" Rick called from below. "We're gonna go lookin' for gas, supplies. Anything we can use in the fight. You're comin' with me. Sophia, your mom wants you to go with her. Somethin' about clearin' the air. We've got about five teams goin' out in different directions. We need to be careful. Go get your gear and be ready to go in five."

"We'll talk later," Carl told her, reaching out and giving her shoulder a squeeze before climbing down the ladder and heading towards his home.

He grabbed his extra clip and the same bug out bag he'd been carrying since the quarry, giving Judith a kiss on the head before heading back out towards the gates. Sophia didn't look too happy as she stood next to her mother with her compact bow and quiver on her back, a machete on one hip, and a gun and buck knife on the other. She'd taken to wearing skinny jeans like Ani, though her shirts were more muscle shirts with a button up plaid shirt either open, tied, or partially buttoned and tucked in. Her hair had grown past her shoulders now, and she kept a braid and a bead in it like Ani did hers, though the bead was made from the bone of an owl. If Sophia was to be believed, the braid was to keep her hair out of her eyes for shooting, not to be like Ani. Carl didn't know if it was true or not, but considering Beth, Lizzie, Mika, and half the women at the prison had taken to wearing braids in their hair as it grew wilder, there was a probability that she was telling the truth. He couldn't help but compare the differences in her to Enid, though he was quickly realizing that Enid was just a good friend while Sophia meant a lot more.

Carl walked over and gave Sophia a one armed hug, telling her to stay safe and be careful while she was out there and to just think about what he had said. She told him to be safe, too, giving him a one armed hug herself, even if her face started to burn as she pulled away and got in the car with her mom. When he turned around to get into the car with his dad, he found him just staring at him with a look on his face that made Carl's face start turning red as he asked his dad 'what?' only for his dad to chuckle and look away. They drove for a few miles until they were forced to stop on an overpass due to an obvious collision near enough to a small town that they could walk. They agreed to meet up at an intersection by a gas station closer to the other end of hey walked last half mile into town, agreeing to meet up at an intersection right before the small area went rural again. It looked more like it had been a truck stop people had built a few houses and trailers around so they didn't have to be so far from their work than a town. However, with all the vehicles on the roads and the junk and toys around the yards, they figured it might hold something worth gathering after probably being used as a camp. He was holding onto a small gas can as he walked along, nose scrunched in disgust at the dead bodies still in the vehicles. Aside from the sound of his footfalls and breaking leaves, it was very quiet until a voice called out, making Carl drop the can and pull his gun.

"Hi," the male voice said, sounding scared itself. "Yeah, I'm okay...I mean...I'm not, but...I've been shot at. Someone threw a microwave at me. So I-I'm just gonna say something my mom used to say to me and hope for the best here. 'Whatever you have of good, spend on the traveler.' My mom said that-that helping the traveler, the person without a home—that's everything. I'm sure you've seen things," the voice kept talking as Carl looked around, his gun ready to fire even though he wasn't sure he should. "Been through things so that you don't trust people. Now, I get. I get it. I don't either. I've been through things too," the voice said quietly as Carl took his hat off and knelt down, looking under the cars to see a pair of very worn, very dirty shoes. "My mom—she also said that 'may my mercy prevail over my wrath.' That—that's not just from my mom. That—that one—that's from the Quran. Probably should've said that. I don't even know you but, I-I haven't eaten in a few days. You might not even be real," the voice said as Carl quickly and quietly wove between the vehicles.

"Hands up," he yelled, startling the man who immediately had his hands up in surrender, no weapon to be seen.

"Listen," the man tried to reason. "I'm gone. It's cool. I-I j-just...I just wanted some...even just some food," he said before gunshots rang out and the man ran, making Carl look at his gun in confusion and wondering if he'd accidentally set it off.

"We were supposed to meet at the intersection," his dad said as he came up from behind, Carl realizing what had happened and giving his dad a dirty look that Rick saw. "I shot over his head. I just wanted him gone," he tried to reason.

"He said that-"

"I heard what he said," Rick said, cutting off his son. "Most of it. But he could've been one of them."

"Like a spy?" Carl asked in disgust.

"I shot above his head," Rick persisted. "If he's not one of them, then I hope he makes it."

Carl stormed off at that point calling back, "It's not gonna be enough, dad."

"Enough what?"

"Hope."

~x~

"Are you just going to ignore me this whole trip?" Carol asked Sophia as they walked around the small suburban area trying to find supplies.

So far, all they'd found was a few canned goods, a couple bottles of outdated antibiotics, and a silencer even though they had checked over seven houses already. The entire time they'd been looking, Sophia hadn't so much as looked Carol's direction nor even muttered a word to end the utter silence that surrounded them. While Carol knew her daughter well enough to know that she was angry, but she didn't know how to communicate with her any more. It had been a while since they'd been alone together and actually held a conversation, not since the prison and she'd taken to watching over Lizzie and Mika more than she had Sophia. The girl had been well taken care of and well looked after without her being around, so Carol had retreated to the girls who did need her, the ones she could teach. And now she realized that alienating her actual daughter had been a mistake she could not easily rectify even if she was truly sorry. It didn't help her cause any when she had run away right before Ani and Daryl had been taken, meaning two of the three others that she could turn to had been gone. That didn't mean that Sophia had the right to be as rude as she was when she finally deigned to answer Carol's question.

"Why? You don't. You just run away," Sophia said.

"I came back."

"Yeah, but not for me."

"It was partly for you," Carol admitted. "I didn't want you getting hurt."

"Didn't care about that when you left."

"You were in better hands than I could hold you with. I wanted you to have a life, Sophia, and I couldn't give it to you. I still can't, not you. Not what you deserve."

"So you're just abandoning me?"

"No," Carol tried, grabbing Sophia's hand and attempting to get her to look at her. "No, Sophia. You are always going to be my daughter. You will always be a part of me and who I am. But who I was, she was burned away. Your mother, she's not who I am anymore. I can't even recognize myself anymore. How can I ask you to?"

"Did you ever ask me if I could still recognize you?!" Sophia shouted at her even while crying. "Did you ever ask me how I felt?! No! You only cared about yourself! Even when Ani came along, she knew how much it hurt that you didn't want me around! How you started hating me after the woods! You were everything to me! You raised me! It was you I wanted to protect me! You I wanted to talk to! And it didn't matter! No matter what I did! It didn't fuckin' matter! I didn't matter!"

"That...that's not true, Sophia," Carol told her, crying herself. "You were safe. For the first time in your entire life, you were actually safe. Even in all of this, you're safe in Alexandria. With Ani and Daryl and Merle. I...I've never been able to protect you. Not even from your daddy. When he walked into your room, when he...when he...I left with you. You know I did. I tried to protect you then and I failed. The only thing I accomplished was a beating and you being scared out of your mind. I didn't know how to protect you back then. And now that I do, now that I can, you don't need it. You can protect yourself. You don't need me around to be the best you possible. You need the Dixons for that. They've been guidin' and lookin' after you since the beginning, especially Ani. Even in the quarry, she was teachin' you how to fight and I know she was, because you were startin' to stare your daddy down rather than just look down. I...," Carol licked her lips of the tears that had formed on them and took a breath before sighing. "I could never have done that for you and you know it."

"But you tried to do that for Lizzie and Mika," Sophia pointed out.

"And where are they now?!" Carol yelled before closing her eyes only to open them and see Sophia giving her a hard stare. "They died, Sophia. I couldn't help Lizzie and she killed Mika, and then I had to kill her," Carol sighed. "She couldn't be around people. She didn't understand what the walkers were and thought that by killing Mika she could show us. She couldn't be around people, so I did what I had to," she cried, putting her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "I'll admit that I was wrong to leave like I did. I can admit that Ani would have fought back as best she could if she had been down in solitary with Karen and David. I know I was wrong. And I'm sorry, I am. For everything. I wish I could have been a better mother for you, and now it's too late."

"It's only too late because you decided it was," Sophia told her, using the back of her hand to push Carol's off her shoulder. "I never said it was too late. I'm angry. I want to hate you, but I can't. You're my mom. You're always gonna be my mom. I just wish you believed that."

"Sophia-"

"No!" Sophia cut her off harshly. "You don't get to do that! You don't get to try to act like you care! Because it wasn't you who talked to me! Ani already told me everythin'. How you've got PTSD and are havin' a hard time with dealin' with killin' and fightin'. I don't have to chase her down to talk to me. I don't have to worry about her leavin' me alone. She was taken! But you ran away. She tried makin' me not be so angry. She talked to me and told me what was happenin'. Somethin' you should've done. But you chose to run! You chose to leave me alone! Again! And Ani's tried so hard to make me understand! Carl's tried! But you never did! You just left me without even talkin' about why! Even if I'm a rape baby-"

"She told you that?"

"She tells me everythin' she thinks I need to know, and a lot of stuff I don't even want to know," Sophia said, thinking back in horror at the lesson in human anatomy she'd received when she'd asked about periods. "I already know about how you felt when I was born and she admitted she hated you for it. But then I told her about all the times you'd use your body and take the hits! All the times you tried gettin' me out of the house durin' the worst of it! When you'd go without eatin' just so I could! She was willin' to give you a chance and I was waiting for you to talk to me! Waitin' for you to tell me about Lizzie and Mika, waitin' for you to come back and talk to me and tell me you love me like you used to. But you never did. You just ran away."

"You chose her to live with when we were in Alexandria."

"Because you said I wasn't your daughter! Because you said I wasn't your girl! You already gave me up!"

"I'm sorry, Sophia. I know I'm not a good mother-"

"Understatement of the year," Sophia said under her breath, although Carol stopped and looked at her hard.

"I tried, alright," Carol told her her harshly. "I tried. To do what I thought was best for you. To do I what I thought you needed. You never belonged in a world like this, one that was hard and cruel. Where your split second decision could haunt you for life..."

"That's you. Not me. I don't regret what I've done when it's kept people alive. I don't regret killing anyone, because they were gonna kill me if I didn't, or Carl, or other members of our family. I was never sad dad died, not like you were. It was just somethin' that happened that meant you wouldn't get hurt anymore, that I wouldn't have to be scared of him anymore! I'm not like you!"

"No, you're not. You're stronger. You'll survive this world long after I do."

"I know I will."

"I am sorry, Sophia. For everything," Carol cried

"I don't care. Not yet," Sophia said, looking down with a scowl on her face. "Just because everyone keeps tellin' me to let it go doesn't mean I want to. I'm angry."

"I know you are. But will you..." Carol asked hopefully, "Will you forgive me?"

"I'll try," Sophia told her, turning away and walking over to a shelf and picking something up. "I'm not makin' any promises. I don't know if I'll ever not be angry. But, I'll try."

"That's all I can ask," Carol responded, squeezing her shoulder and giving her a teary eyed smile. "How have you been? Really?"

"I've been better than you," Sophia quipped, her anger getting the best of her before she looked over to Carol and saw her saddened face, guilt creeping into her conscience. "Ani and Daryl take good care of me. Merle made sure I had a place to stay when they were taken and then he came after me, or maybe he was already gone when I left, I don't know. All I know is that he was there when I needed him and went after Ani and Daryl and the Saviors. He kept me from bein' stupid like Carl was and goin' in half cocked with no plan."

"And they didn't see you?" Carol asked, trying hard to ignore the obvious digs.

"They saw what they wanted to see, what we wanted them to see. A scared, young little girl runnin' for her life who couldn't defend herself. I guess you did teach me somethin' useful. Taught me how to be that invisible girl daddy wouldn't bother. I used that and turned it against the Saviors like Merle told me to, and it worked. They even let me stay with Ani because they figured it'd be easier havin' the both of us in one room. Never expected me bein' there to light a fire under Ani's ass."

"Language."

"Really?" Sophia asked her with a look of derision. "I said 'fuck' earlier and live with Ani and Daryl and Merle."

"I guess you're right," Carol admitted.

"Damn straight I am."

"Now that sounds like Ani."

~x~

"Are ya sure it's okay for 'im ta be goin' by 'imself?" Ani asked Merle after she practically ran up the ladder to watch him head towards the Sanctuary on his bike.

"He'll be fine, girl. You worry too much. Ain't good for the baby," he told her. "You figure out what you're doin' yet? The role you're gonna be playin'?"

"Yeah, like I said at the meetin', I'm jus' goin' ta be stayin' back helpin' as a medic. Hilltop's got a medic and two guards while Kingdom has three medics and nine guards seein' as they've got the largest force. We got nearly fifty Kindgomers goin' ta take on Gavin's outpost plus Carol, 'notha thirdy from Hilltop and the Kingdom alike takin' on the satellite station, and Tara's headin' there ta make sure we got someone reportin' back ta Rick. And then we got a measly twenny takin' on the larga force at Regina's place with anotha five goin' in with Rick and Daryl, and all a 'em are from 'ere. We ain' got the same kind a support the otha two places have," Ani said with a sigh. "I'm worried how many are goin' ta die."

"Ain't ever worried you before."

"Yeah, well, I didn't know the people 'fore. They were people I was killin' ta stay alive and keep me and mine safe. I was on the front line and now I'm not. This time, though, ain' nothin' I can do ta help, ain' nothin' I can do ta stop it, and ain' nothin' I can do ta help Daryl. I got ta stay back."

"Well, ain't like I'm thrilled hangin' back either, girl. Yet I'm here keepin' you safe so my brother can do what he's gotta. You gotta do what you gotta do, too," he told her. "Ain't that what you're always goin' on about? Sayin' 'bout yourself?"

"Yeah, but I neva had ta worry 'bout what someone else was doin' like this. It ain' jus' me waitin' on 'im ta come back nah more."

"Hell, it never was. What am I? Chopped fuckin' liver?"

"Nah, ya prolly don' taste nearly as good as liva does."

"Your mind's always on food."

"Not always. Right now it's more on the fact that we jus' let Daryl roll through the gates a our home without eitha a us there ta keep 'im safe."

"He's his own man. Whether or not you got him by the short and curlies, he can take care of himself. He don't need no protection, 'specially from his four-months pregnant wife," Merle chided. "It's right back to the prison when you two were completely inseparable."

"Is not!" Ani countered. "I'm 'ere, aren' I? I promised ta stay back, too! It ain' back ta the prison. It's jus'...jus' back ta not bein' able ta do anythin' but worry when 'e's not 'round."

"Gotta get outta your head, girl."

"Don' think that's goin' ta happen."

"Ya got anythin' for the nursery?"

"We don' even know if there's goin' ta be a nursery, Merle."

"Well, hell, you need a crib at least. Go grab your gear," Merle told her. "There's a baby place a few miles from here. Should at least see if there's any clothes left. Maybe some diapers. Formula if ya can't feed 'im yourself."

"Merle!"

"What? I'm just thinkin' about the little guy here."

"Ya sure that's okay?"

"Hell, we both need to get out of our heads right now," Merle said, looking down the road where his brother had disappeared. "Might as well do somethin' useful while we're at it. 'Sides, I know a town not too far from here Abe and I've been keepin' an eye, a few of the others. Not much as far as shoppin' centers, but we can hit up the houses. Might be somethin' useful."

"Alright," Ani said, climbing down the ladder and heading towards home.

Grabbing her new knives, machete, pistols, and buck knife, she strapped her bow onto her back just in case they saw anything they could hunt while they were out. Ani informed Sophia of where she was going, the girl letting her know that she was going on a run with her mom, even though she looked none too happy about it. Ani kissed the top of her head, telling her to play nice, and motioned for the kittens to follow her as she headed back towards the gate. Merle was already sitting in the old beater truck Daryl hated waiting for her when she arrived and balked. She couldn't help the worried expression that painted her face as she climbed in after the cats and Merle started it up. Daryl couldn't drive a stick and Ani doubted Merle could either, let alone that the man would let her drive it if she asked when he proved her right. At the same time, she and Daryl had been intimate in this particular truck once upon a time and to say it wasn't awkward sitting with her brother-in-law in the cab would have been a lie. He just gave her a look that clearly was asking what was wrong with her that she hid her face from and waved off before he pulled out of the gate.

Ani was very surprised when he smoothly shifted gears, no squealing, crunching, or grinding, and couldn't help but blurt out, "Ya can drive a stick?!"

"Who can't?" he asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ya brotha."

Merle slammed on the breaks, making them both pitch forward and Ani smack his arm before saying, "Oh, shit. That's right. I was in the Army when he got his license and our daddy sure as hell didn't teach him. Hell, I learned from our granddad."

"How'd 'e learn how ta drive then?"

"Beats me. Though, it is pretty damn easy to figure out."

They kept chatting back and forth about various things, from Merle's time in the service to Ani's teen years with Jesse. Ani ended up dozing off before Merle shook her awake and let her know they'd made it into the town, Catty laying across her lap while Bobby had jumped in the back. She got out and looked around, noticing it really was just a rural little village with a couple mom and pop stores along main street and a singular market that had been ransacked long ago. They checked all six shops that the town had before moving onto the houses, finding bits and pieces here and there that would be useful. There wasn't much in the way of baby items, but Merle did find a nice, soft, plush blanket in a deep blue that he tossed at Ani 'for his nephew.' It didn't take too long to have to go back to the truck and head to the next area Merle wanted to go to, once again only finding a few items. Bobby and Catty rooted out a raccoon in one house, hunting it down and killing it, stopping for a moment to look at Ani, who made no go to grab it, before they began growling at each other while tearing into the damn thing. Ani scrunched up her nose as the smell of iron filled the air in the room, but it was a hell of a lot better than the smell of the rotten flesh of walkers.

"They're gettin' damn good at that," Merle commented as he grabbed a couple more blankets and a few pillows. "What? Winter's comin' up. People need blankets."

"I didn' say nothin'."

"Didn't have to. Yer givin' me that look that says 'what the fuck you doin?'"

"I was jus' thinkin'...Ya used ta be such a hardass, now look at ya! All soft and shite. Ya like a soft boiled egg! Once ya crack the shell, all that's left is squishy goodness with the best part at the centa!"

"Dammit, girly," Merle said throwing the last bag into the truck. "You did not just compare me to a damn egg! And boiled eggs have a hard core."

"Not soft boiled," she countered, sticking her tongue out at him before laughing. "The yolks don' solidify. They stay all wet and oozy and yummy; keep the flava a an ova easy egg."

"That actually sounds pretty good," Merle said. "Soft boiled egg. Can't say I've ever had one of those."

"I'll have ta make some for ya when we get some more eggs. They're yummy. Daryl likes 'em. Ooo, we got ta check the stores!"

"Why?"

"Salt! I forgot! We need ta start storin' and stockin' salt! If we're goin' ta make meat last the winta through, we're goin' ta need ta salt and process it that way. My papa taught me how ta do it when 'e was alive 'cause 'e neva had 'nough funds for meat, so 'e was always huntin' and trappin' game."

"Alright," he said. "So, salt. What else we need?"

"A cold place that ain' goin' ta freeze ova, like, got ta be close ta freezin' but not freezin'. Got ta coat all the meat and then pack it in crock pots, buckets, or jars that can be sealed. Keep it like that for a month and it'd last all winta with jus' papa or plastic 'round it."

"Huh," Merle said, looking at her with respect. "That is somethin' I never even thought about. Should start thinkin' 'bout that stuff, though. We gotta feed people when it gets cold. Can't do that when the critters are sleepin'."

"Nope. And I'm not wantin' ta risk not havin' food ready for the winta with the babies comin' sometime 'round the end a it. I don' think I'm goin' ta be doin' much huntin' or foragin' for a little bit, and I don' see Daryl goin' out eitha."

"Hell no!" Merle told her. "If he doesn't stick around you and that kid when he gets here, I'll break his damn legs. I will. He ain't doin' to you what our daddy did to our momma when Daryl was born."

"What happened?"

"Took off on 'er. Went AWOL for damn near six months. I don't see Daryl goin' that long. But hell, I ain't lettin' him leave for a few weeks at least."

"I'll take what I can get," Ani said with a chuckle. "Though, jus' 'tween ya and me, I think ya goin' ta be the best uncle a baby could ask for. Though, if I eva hear ya offarin' Phia weed again, I'm goin' ta kick ya teeth in."

"That was a lapse of judgment on my part, I'll admit it," Merle said with a nod. "Haven't felt that much pain in a while and you should've seen how her hands were shakin'. I was just tryin' to get her to relax. I won't offer it, but I'll give it if she asks."

"Give some ta Carol, maybe Morgan too. They're both dealin' with a lot a shite. Ya know ya got lucky with them pot plants at Alexandria, right?"

"Oh, I know," Merle laughed. "When Deanna heard we'd taken some and smoked it and came askin', whoo-wee did I think we were in trouble. Should a seen the look on her face when I told her that she'd planted pot plants 'stead a proper hemp!" he laughed, getting Ani to chuckle with him as they cleared the bottom floor and headed up. "We got the right stuff growin' now. Tough stuff. Durable. It'll offer a good crop, though Maggie weren't too happy the hemp grew right off the bat but her tomato plants are still bupkis."

"Hemp's jus' like that. It grows. Lucky it's edible and actually nutritious, though. And we can make oil, medicine, and papyrus papa with it. That's goin' ta be important as time passes. Ain' goin' ta be much scavengin' ta be done when it comes ta food 'fore long. Canned goods can only last so long 'fore the stuff inside eitha rots or becomes contaminated by the metal. And even though jarred foods can last a whole lot longa than canned, it ain' likely that we're goin' ta be able ta find a decent cache a that 'til we start makin' 'em ourselves. That's anotha thing we should stock up on, jars. Ain' goin' ta be long 'fore those become hard ta find 'cause a people like us tryin' ta build somethin' that'll last."

"Anything else to add to the list?"

"Yeah."

"What?"

"That deer," Ani said sticking her thumb over her shoulder out the window, several deer standing in a park's field plain as day through it.

"One deer, comin' right up."

~x~

"You sure you're up for this, baby girl?" Daryl asked as they laid in bed the morning before they set things in motion.

"Aside from the tree and the roadblock, I'm jus' ridin' my four wheela with ya 'til we get ta the outpost, then breakin' off and headin' ta meet up with Sash, Abe, and Merle," Ani told him before kissing his chest and looking up at him. "And even then, I'm goin' ta play it safe and stay outside waitin' for ya ta come back out ta me. I promised ya. And once we get them guns, we can end this shite once and for all. And then we can relax and wait for Little D ta get 'ere. Maybe do some huntin'. Wouldn' mind gettin' a couple more deer done up and canned or dried up 'fore the winta."

"Could go wrong again."

"I know. That's why I got ta be there. I can'...I can' wait 'round not knowin' if shite hit the fan again or not. Even Maggie's goin' ta make sure that the first part succeeds. Up ta ya and me ta keep that herd on track. Can' believe the Kingdom actually has been keepin' track a the herds like they have. Almost down ta the second 'ccordin' ta Jerry."

"You two got close quick."

"He's jus' a funny guy. Look at how 'e's gettin' along with Merle and Abe. Guy's practically a comedian. He's jus' really easy ta get along with. Hell, you've even chatted with 'im a few times, and ya don' jus' chat. He kind a balances Zeke out, though, he did warn me not ta call Zeke 'Zeke' ta 'is face."

"If he did anythin', he'd get his teeth knocked out," Daryl told her, making her smile up at him. "Why can't you call him 'Zeke'?"

"I don' know," Ani said, shrugging her shoulders even as she laid in bed next to Daryl before chuckling. "Think 'e jus' neva heard 'im called that. Or maybe 'e jus' really, really hates bein' called Zeke. I don' know and won' unless I ask 'im and I don' know if I want ta ask 'im."

"Promise you're gonna hang back? Keep outta sight and outta the fight and get the hell outta Dodge 'fore anythin' bad heads your way?"

"I promised ya. Sash promised. Abe and Merle promised. They'll lay down cova fire while Sasha and I get ta safety, whateva that looks like. Sash and I will only wait for so long 'fore we move on and head ta the Hilltop. I ain' fightin'. I'm goin' ta help with wounds and keep our people from dyin' if I can. I promised ya, Daryl, I'm not fightin' anymore'n I have ta afta that fiasco with the Scavengas. I can' trust that I won' go inta that hypa mode again, like I did tryin' ta take out Negan. I ain' riskin' our son. I'm keepin' this baby alive and safe and healthy. If that..." she slowed down and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly, "If that means I got ta...I got ta leave ya behind, I leave ya behind and run."

"Damn straight you do. And you keep runnin'. I'll catch up."

"Unless ya dead."

"Don't think like that," he told her, squeezing her closer into his side. "I'll find you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'll find you. And if I don't, you got Merle with you. He'll keep you and Little D safe. God, that sounds so fuckin' stupid when I say it."

"Well, pick a name, then."

"What?"

Ani moved to lay propped on her elbow and looked at him in the eye, "Pick ya son's name. If ya don' like callin' 'im Little D, then pick 'is name. Othawise, ya go missin' and there's goin' ta be a 'DJ' runnin' 'round for Daryl Junior."

"Fuck no. You ain't namin' my boy 'Junior'," he told her as he looked at her and rolled his eyes before laying back and looking at the ceiling and thinking. "How stuck are you on 'Little D' for a nickname?"

"I'm flexible at this point," she informed him while smiling, excited over the thought that he was thinking about her request. "'Sides, nah matta what, 'e's a little Dixon, so that's where it all came from anyway."

"Alright," he said, thinking about all the names he could come up with, his brain recalling their first meeting. "What about Lou?"

"Lou as in Louis? Or Lou as in jus' Lou?"

"Either works."

"Nah, I asked ya ta name our boy. Which one ya want?"

"Kinda like just Lou. Name of the bar we first met."

"Look at ya bein' all sentimental like that," Ani smiled with a small laugh. ""Lou Dixon. I love it. What 'bout ya, baby boy? Ya like the name Lou?" Daryl couldn't help but smile and put his own hand on her stomach, both of them chuckling as nothing happened. "Well, not like 'e's goin' ta move jus' 'cause we talk ta 'im yet. 'Ccordin' ta some a the otha moms, got 'bout a month or so 'fore ya can feel 'im. But we goin' ta do middle names or jus' leave it at Lou Dixon?"

"You ain't been usin' yours. I don't use mine. Hell, I don't think anyone uses them anymore," Daryl told her.

"It's all good with me," Ani told him. "Middle names were so families could give their kids the family name and the name a a saint too. And then in some cultures, it's so that ya can hide ya 'true' name from witches and the like. Neva say ya middle name so ya won' be hexed or cursed or what not."

"No point in hidin' from you, then," he joked, rolling to face her on his elbow and pushing her down onto her back. "Might as well be a witch with how you say you're a pagan and all the shit with the herbs. Just need to be dancin' naked in the woods. I could see you doin' that."

"I have done that. With ya. Only once or twice, though," Ani laughed at him before reaching an arm up and around his neck and giving him a lingering kiss before leaning back down and resting a hand on her stomach.

They shared a chuckle before they both fell silent and Ani pulled him down to rest his head on her chest. He kept one hand on her stomach while he wrapped the other around her between her body and the bed. Daryl didn't care if his arm fell asleep, he just wanted to hold his wife as long as he could. Eventually, she turned on her side and wrapped her other arm around his head while the hand on her stomach moved to her hip and squeezed. They stayed like that, holding each other as close as they could, until they had to get up. Even though Ani made them some eggs with Spam and fruit, it was obvious that they were all eating just to not waste food. Sophia cleaned up while Daryl went outside to double check the bike and quad and Ani moved to make sure all the equipment was in order. He'd gone out yesterday and covertly let Dwight know what was going to be happening today, receiving a message back to confirm that the heads would be out of the outposts and that they would, in fact, be trapping Negan too. Ani had stayed behind in Alexandria to help gather and prep medical supplies and herbs that might be needed while they were gone. The Saviors had left most of their homemade medicine stash alone after Negan's warning, so they had plenty of the antiseptics and herb pouches for poultices. She hadn't liked staying while he went, but they needed to make preparations as fast as possible and with Beth shot, that left her and Sophia with prepping medicine and explaining it to the Kingdom's doctors. She'd practically ran into his arms when he came back through the gate four hours after he'd left with not a single scratch on him but a scowl etched on his face. Everything was confirmed and every single plan and map was gone over and now they were ready to truly start the war with the Saviors.