Galvanized Emotion

by Uictoriam Ducere

Charlie has been called many things in his life. A criminal, a thug, and now a deadman. Awakening in a world filled with headache inducing magic ponies who drive him crazy was the last thing he expected. He must now learn to keep his temper in check to stay on their good side as they are the only ones who can bring him home. Being murdered though, makes that kind of difficult… AU

14. Act 1: How 'bout them Apples!

Chapter 14: How 'bout them Apples!

"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts."
-Marcus Aurelius

"I don't understand why we had to take my car…" The thick haired 24-year-old Latino grumbles as he looks through a pair of binoculars. "We wasted about a fuckin' half a tank of gas tailing this asshole and we haven't gotten any closer to finding his cousin than we did this morning."

I snatch the binoculars away from him and he pouts in the driver's seat, "Dylan, I already told you that he would have known it was us if we took the Bronco. The fuckin' thing doesn't exactly scream covert, does it? Besides everyone knows it's my car, he would have fled the moment I turned the corner."

Dylan sighs as he takes a french fry from the Styrofoam container sitting on the center console, "Well, maybe if you caught up with the times and actually bought a new fuckin' car that wasn't built in 1987 then this wouldn't be a problem," He starts loudly chewing making me groan as I look through the lenses at our target, "Besides, this is all your fault we're here anyways."

The binoculars lower and I glare at the shit head, "How is this my fault? You two mental rejects were the ones who lost him yesterday."

He snorts and gives me an annoyed look, "Yeah, we did lose him, but it wasn't our job to begin with. Need I remind you that Pee Wee and I were the fuckin' B team after you were a no call no show? The fuck were you doing yesterday anyways? You never answered your cell."

I look through the lenses not wanting to talk about last night,"…I had shit to do."

"I had shit to do…" He repeats in an incredulous tone, "Man, if I said something like that to Bill, I'd have my nuts on his hibachi in a fuckin' instant. The audacity of his favoritism towards you is absurd; you didn't even get chewed out!"

I click my tongue, "Perks of the job."

Dylan blows air out of his nose, "Well, whatever it was I hope it was fuckin' important because Mr. Cheng got away Scott free and he knows we're coming for him now."

As the laundromat comes into focus, a well-dressed middle aged Asian man could be seen sitting out front of the busy shopping complex talking on the phone in a crazed manner. His arms were flailing around like he was arguing with someone, and he wasn't taking it in a good way.

This would be the cousin of our despicable Mr. Cheng: an asshole who owes us an obscene amount of money. Took a loan about 4 months ago for about 50,000 as prop up money for his business, but as planned, he was never able to return the profits. His chain of laundromats will be very lucrative if we can get him to agree to use them as payment and believe me when I say that won't be by choice. Either he pays up or he loses his right to kneecaps.

And it all starts with his dipshit of a relative, Zhao, when he eventually leads us back to him.

I hear Dylan hum as he munches away, "What the fuck could you have been doing that wasn't drinking yourself blind or beating the shit out of homeless people? I don't think you really do anything else now that I think about it. Well, maybe yelling at Wally could be added to that list as of late. Those teenage rebel years finally catching up to you?"

"It didn't have anything to do with Wally!" I sigh as I keep my eye on the target, "As I said it was important. Personal and important, you Mexican shit pile."

Dylan groans, "How many times do I have to tell you, I'm Cuban not Mexican! Cuban! My grandparents fled here to get away from Castro years ago!"

"What's the fuckin' difference between the two again?" I smirk as I know I'm getting underneath my friend's skin, "All you need to know was that I was busy and that's that."

"Were you sucking Bill off under the table? I heard that takes a good amount of time for you nowadays," He snickers.

"Actually, I haven't gotten eye to eye with him for a fuckin' minute now," I feel my nose scrunch, "He's getting too close to Paulie, I don't fuckin' like it."

"You got that fuckin' right. That Italiano motherfucker is pretty good at waving his small chub around, I'll give him that much," I hear the Styrofoam crinkle again and he continues with his mouth full, "The fuck is Bill thinking getting involved with the mob? It's insane out here as it is making rounds, but now I have to watch the Goodfellas every time before we go to a meet? My Joe Pesci impression is rather lackluster, I'm afraid."

"It's not what I want, but I'm sure Bill knows what he's doing, its fine. He's just in one of his moods; thinks this Paulie character can make us some real money," I assure him as I watch the Chinese man throw his phone on the ground and stomp on it angrily.

I can sense his eyes rolling, "Bill needs to get a hobby. There's more to life than just a dollar sign, and that's all the shit seems to care about anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up selling us for 72 cents per pound to a meat marke-WHOA!" I quickly grab onto his head and push his face into the driver side door window.

"Watch your fuckin' mouth, Dylan, before a cop finds a dead Mexican alone in this piece of shit car," He struggles a little however my grip is greater, "Bill may be an asshole, but he's my asshole and he's never let me down yet. Do I agree with his business decisions as of late? No, but he knows what he's doing so I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you question his loyalty. He'd fuckin' die for us, you got that piss stain?" I let go and glare at him.

He looked scared of me for a moment and for good reason as I meant what I said, "Hey, man, it was a fuckin' joke, Charlie, I love the guy too…" He rubs his jaw from my assault, "Jesus, I get you two have history, but holy fuck."

Taking one of his french fries that he demanded we stopped for earlier in the day, I look back over at the target, "History doesn't even begin to cover it, slow poke Rodriguez…"

He snorts again and stays silent for a minute before he brings up our previous conversation, "Last night, did it involve that piece of ass you've been chasing for what feels like a forever now? Is it still just out of reach?" I turn and glare daggers making him put his hands up in defense, "Hey, man, I get it, but this is just ridiculous. Either you're with her or you're not, there's no point in waiting to be tall enough to ride if you're done growing."

Pulling the binoculars back up, I answer slowly, "…We're not a thing anymore. She made that pretty clear to me yesterday."

"Oh shit, it was her? After all that? Even with the thing you did for her? Oh fuck, dude, does Wally know? Shit!" I simply grunt in response to all his questions, "Man, fuck her. You treated her like royalty, and she just rubs you out like that? The fuck happened?"

"She had enough of my way of liv-Fuckin' finally! He's getting back in his car." I point towards where I see him, "The red Corolla, don't let him get away."

He rolls his eyes as I tap his shoulder, "Aye aye, captain."

With that he speeds off after him but making sure to stay a few cars back, so we're not seen. As we're tailing him, I pull out my flask which was already almost empty and down the last few gulps. I could still feel the buzz from last night and I'm not about to let it slip away, not yet.

Fuckin' Bonnie…

"Hey! Are you fuckin' drinking? Fuck!" I look over at the tan motherfucker who's looking between me and the road, "Charlie, you better not do something stupid! We're here to signatures for the deeds of his properties and that's it. No fuckin' wild boy business."

"You think I don't fuckin' know that!" I twist the cap shut and stick it back in my breast pocket, "Keep your eyes on the road, jackass, you're gonna lose him."

We follow him for a small while and he ends screaming into a corner motel on the outskirts of town. We stop across the street and see him march towards the door furthest to the left and he barrels in, slamming the door behind him.

"You think he's in there?" Dylan questions as he taps on the wheel impatiently.

I suck a breath through my nose and make an impaired judgment call, "Only one way to find out," I turn to Dylan, "You have your piece? Give it to me." Rather reluctantly, he hands me his pistol and he opens the door, but I stop him, "Wait here, I'll deal with it."

He shakes his head, "Charlie, I don't think-"

"Did I fuckin' stutter?!"

He looks at me a moment and I see some fear as he slowly slams the door back shut and holds onto the wheel like he knows this is going to go sour. Without another word, I exit his coupe, stuff the handgun into the back of the waist band of my jeans, and head towards room I saw that fucker enter.

As I reach the door, I a step back to throw my foot at the lock to kick it open.

BANG

"GAH!" The slam of something hard in front of me forced me awake in surprise as I lift my hands up to fight off whatever was coming at me, but nothing happens causing me to sputter. "What-whe-who-"

I look around and notice I'm in the main chamber of the Ponyville's library and not inside a motel room in Boston making me blink some more. Sitting in the chair Twilight had pulled over from last night, I gaze in front of me to see the neatly stacked books I had spent little over an hour cleaning. In front of me was a rather large sized encyclopedia of some kind as it taunts me with its unintelligible nonsense.

Where the fuck is…

Before I could begin to dissect what the holy hell was going an incredibly annoying voice fills my ears that makes me wish I still had that handgun to blow my brains all over the ceiling.

"Wakey wakey, Charlie! You've got a long day in the form of Applejack's farm ahead of you!" A man chuckles making me swing my head over to see a pair of ponies who are very familiar unfortunately.

Twilight was scowling at Flash Sentry who was positively gleaming at my reaction, "That wasn't very nice, Flash, you scared him! I told you he was having a nightmare," Twilight scolds while throwing a hoof at his ribs and she turns to me, "I'm sorry, Charlie, I tried to stop him from waking you abruptly, but apparently all stallions don't understand anything about being subtle."

Flash simply rolls his eyes, "The words subtle and Charlie don't belong in the same sentence, Miss Sparkle, as you may know already. Besides, we tried waking him through normal means and he wouldn't budge, so I'm vindicated in this matter."

I don't give them a proper response while looking around the room, still catching my bearings. Nightmare? Was that… Was that a dream? Fuck! I fell asleep last night! I remember, I was just finishing cleaning when some weird purple sparkly shit landed on me and then-

In the middle of my mental moment, a hoof touches my arm making me jump and my head snaps to Twilight who's looking at me with concern, "Charlie, it was just a dream, you're at the library." She coos.

My confusion shifts into annoyance as I yank my appendage away from her and stand up rather suddenly, "You think I don't know that!?" I snap. "Why in the holy fuck can I not have a single night of uninterrupted sleep?! What the fuck did I ever do to you shitheads?!"

"You destroyed half the town in the middle of winter for one," Flash deadpans.

"YOU-" I grumble in frustration as I sit back down to rub my eyes, "I wish I could remember what I did or why I did it. At least then I wouldn't feel like I'm getting my salad tossed every day for no good reason."

"Reason or no reason, you still have duties to attend." Flash announces like he wasn't the biggest elephant turd in the room.

"Y-you have your duties to attend," I mimic in a nasally voice, "You can fuckin' take my duties and stuff them in your dick hole. Actually, never mind I don't want your sheep friend to come looking for me after fuckin' up her boy toy, especially with the weekend coming up."

His cheeks glow red knowing I said that with company in the room, "There is no sheep! Why you would even have the notion I'd do something like that is both abhorrent and ludicrous!"

I shrug as I stretch, "That's not what Ponyville's gonna think in about a month, true or not."

Flash sighs as he rubs his head, "It has to get better eventually…" he turns to Twilight who's smiling at our banter, "Right? He can't be like this all the time!"

Twilight giggles and pats his back sympathetically, "It's okay, Flash, you'll get used to it eventually," her mouth purse like she was thinking about her statement a little more, "Maybe…"

Flash groans and looks at me, "Now that you are finished spreading falsified hear-say, are you ready to depart? The sooner I get you to the farm the sooner I can rid you of my sight."

Just as I was about to open my mouth, my stomach interrupts me with an audible vigorous rumbling making the two quirk an eyebrow at me and a pang of actual hunger hits me, "Ugh, I guess that's what happens when you skip dinner…"

Twilight gasps, "You skipped dinner?! Why didn't you say anything last night?! I would have made you something!"

I scratch at the remaining half of my mustache, "You were too busy playing Dr. Frankenstein to let me grab something, you fuckin' Psycho! Fuckin' take me out on a date first before you hold me down for fucks sake."

She grumbles, "I don't know who Dr. Frankenstein is but I'm going to assume it isn't a compliment…" She then pushes me towards the kitchen, "You're not leaving until you've at least eaten something for breakfast."

Flash starts to show some panic at that, "Miss Sparkle, maybe we can simply eat later? We have a timetable to-"

"Charlie will be free for the day when he finishes eating, Flash Sentry," She orders while still leading me to the kitchen.

"But-"

"But nothing! He doesn't eat as it is and I'm not about to let him wither away to nothing! You hear me, Charlie?!" Twilight barks making Flash sink his head some, knowing he's not going to convince her otherwise.

"You heard the mare~" I chuckle at his plight as I walk past him and towards the kitchen.

"Please hurry, ape, I don't want Miss Applejack to get on my case about your tardiness," Flash chastises as he follows behind me with Twilight following suit.

Waving a dismissive hand, I yell back without turning around, "Don't worry, if I'm late I'll just tell the Apple family you were busy molesting me or something."

I yawn again as I pass the entry way of the kitchen and make my way over to the pantry. On my way over, the melted oven catches my attention causing me to frown at it. It literally looked like it was made of plastic and that someone placed it too close to a candle. Fuckin' wild that I was ground zero for that shit. How I lived through that, I'll never know.

Soon enough, the door of the pantry presents itself in front of me and I swing the doors open with so many great nutritious options to choose from! Like Dandelions, hay and grains! That fat fuck Spike literally ate fuckin' everything that was edible for me. That shithead isn't long for this world if he fuckin' keeps it up. I still can't believe flowers are a main part of these horse's diets. I mean, I get it they're horses, but what the fuck.

Feeling my head droop as a sigh lets loose from my mouth, I quickly scan the room yet again and a bundle of bananas catches my attention. Quickly walking over, I grab the bundle and start peeling my first meal in like 4 days as I take a seat at the table.

Better than nothin' I guess. At least tomorrow I'll be able to get some more fish, that is if Fluttershy isn't all weird again like last week. I shake my head at the thought and take a bite of the pristine banana, moaning a little as I did so. Flash is looking at me, greatly amused at something and my scowl sets in once more.

"What!" I demand with a full mouth making him laugh heartily.

"I've been calling you a monkey for the past 4 weeks and here you are eating a banana like one." He chuckles once more, "I may just call the local zoo so I can throw peanuts at you through some metal bars."

I swallow my first bite, "You know, I can fling poo like one too if you want to keep pushing the ape thing," I stand and start undoing my belt, "Actually, I have one brewing right now so I can show you how it splatters against a shit talking horse."

As my pants start to slide down to ride out my threat, Twilight zips them back up to where they belong with her magic quite hastily and huffs, "Charlie, that is the last thing I'd need is to push my entire schedule up to clean your mess."

Flash shakes his head still amused, "Come now, Miss Sparkle, I doubt Charlie would have gone along with that…"

Twilight and I share a look, having an immediate understanding that I 100% would have done that.

This causes Flash to look at me like I was monster, "There really is no end to your depravity, is there?"

While shrugging, I start peeling my second banana, "Spite is a powerful tool, my innocent jerk off of a pony, its best to utilize it whenever you can. Definitely got me out of some tricky situations, that's for fuckin' sure."

I stop a moment as that makes me think of a certain event at a restaurant known as Aidrah's Den. By all means, I should have fuckin' died in that building like everyone else. Old Testament God was in my corner I guess, or Paulie just underestimated how badly I wanted him dead. The fact that I believed every word out of his goomba mouth was my second biggest mistake.

First being trusting Bill.

I'll never forget when that backstabbing turd came to me and started foaming at the mouth about this made guy who offered him a job as we were solidifying our hold of a few blocks in north end. Apparently, he had heard of my… let's call it tenacity and leave it at that. Anyways, this Paulie Pavone wanted to meet me for what capitalism calls outsourcing. Couldn't trust his own guys for some reason, some real greaseball shit was happening between him and the mob so he used me and the fellas for some odd jobs here and there. They were real money makers too, nothing like what we'd been doing.

Him and Bill got along like Peanut butter and Jelly after that. I see now that I was slowly being squeezed out of their fruitful partnership the last few months, but I was just too blind to see it. The late-night phone calls, the never-ending meetings without me or the boys, Bill starting to talk to me less as a friend and more of a boss. I just thought he was on his man period, not planning to have his best fuckin' friends whacked. I should have seen it coming.

Though… It was kind of hard to see anything really with the bottom of a glass in my way more than half the time.

I feel my eye twitch as I take another bite of my banana while Flash was looking at me with frustration, "Can I help you?"

The cock lord huffs, "Must you eat so slow?"

"I'll eat at whatever pace I fuckin' please." I lean back in my chair and inspect the banana, "In fact, I can easily spend the next 45 minutes just sitting here and enjoy myself." Taking a bite, I stare him down and chew extremely slow making him slump his helmeted head onto the table in exasperation.

After a small moment of silence, the mare speaks up, "So, what is on your agenda for today, Charlie? Will you be coming home late again?"

I quirk an eyebrow, "Why do you want to know, toots? You miss me that fuckin' much?"

Her face lights up with embarrassment, "W-well… I was wondering if you'd be available to for dinner. It's been kind of… quiet around here lately." Her face twists in a way I can't describe, "I just… wanted to know if you can make it or not is all."

Feeling my raised eyebrow lift even higher, I eye her up and down knowing that last part was a straight up lie, "Uh… Well, I've got to go to Rarity's around 5:30 so I'm not going to be home until like 8ish."

She shuts her eyes like she just remembered the thing at the Boutique and slumps some, "Right, you're helping Rarity. I forgot." She lowers her head looking kind of bummed out.

My face scrunches at her behavior. The fuck is her problem? I would be thanking my lucky stars an asshole like me wasn't going to be around for an afternoon. Oh well, it's not my business. This banana though? Absolutely my business, I muse to myself as I take another bite savoring every chew.

I'm halfway through my banana when Flash audibly groans, "Can you please hurry up!"

Pausing mid chew, I gaze at the stallion and cross my arms, "The fuck is up with you? You're normally on my ass, but this is just ridiculous."

"It's nothing!" He answers a little too quickly making me suspicious, he then looks over at a clock that read 6:46 and his eyes bulge out of his head, "C'mon, we don't have time for this!"

He stands up and nudges me out of the chair with his head making me death glare him, "Oh! What the fuck!" He pushes me again, "Alright! Jesus Christ, fine! Let's fuckin' go you impatient prick."

Standing, I leave the remnants of my breakfast on the table making Twilight sigh as she silently cleans my mess. Before I was rudely herded towards the exit of the kitchen the mare calls out to me making us stop, much to the guard's dismay.

"Oh! Charlie, if you happen to see Spike, can you send him home? I need to talk to him about Hearth's Warming business." She pauses as she tosses my peels into a trashcan that's now floating midair, "It's this upcoming Monday and I've got to make sure we've got everything prepared!"

"Yeah yeah, I'll fuckin' tell him when I-" I pause as I realize just what she said, "Hearth's Warming? The fuck is tha-Hey, what fuck is wrong with you!" I was blocked from asking my question when Flash headbutts me in the back pushing me out of the room.

"Less talking! More walking!" He turns to Twilight, "I apologize, Miss Sparkle, but we are very late."

She gleams as Flash pushes me out of the room entirely and I hear her from the other room, "Oh it's no problem! Have a wonderful day you two!"

With a few more insults pushed towards the helmeted vagina we eventually find ourselves out in the dreadful cold heading towards the farm for my grueling day of work. At least the wind has died down some so it shouldn't be that bad today…

OoOoO

"There is no way we got here late!" Flash screams at a smug looking dragon staring down at a pocket watch.

He shakes his watch some, "That's not what this says. It looks like you're a whole 19 seconds late, buddy!"

"No! We're here! We've been on the farm for a good minute now!" The obviously upset guard yells as he points towards Applejack's house in clear view. "look! I can see it!"

The dragon laughs, "You can see the farm, but you're not in it." He jabs a thumb behind him towards the main threshold, "This path leading up the property belongs to Ponyville, not the Apples. I've got Applejack here to prove it."

Applejack, who was standing next to him nods her head kind of solemnly, "Ah'm afraid he's right, sugarcube, yer not technically on the farm just yet."

Spike lifts his hand up and motions to be given something, "You lost a bet fair and square, so pay up."

I lose my shit and start cackling to the point of collapsing, making sure Flash could hear every single gasp of air as I chuckle my heart away. I fuckin' knew there was something going on with the cock munch this morning as he'd never been so uptight about being late before. I just thought he was on his man period or something, but this is so much better than anything I'd imagined.

"I-You-Ugh!" With his mouth he throws a small bag at the dragon and storms off back down the path, "Stupid bet, stupid farm, stupid dragon…" he mutters until he's out of view.

Applejack looks down at the baby drake with some disapproval as he counts his bits, "Ah know yer makin' money and all that, but maybe tone it down a little? He's gettin' a mighty upset with ya over this bettin' and I'm startin' ta not blame him."

Spike snorts as he looks down at the bag and starts drooling, "And lose out on my only form of income? Never gonna happen. As long as he keeps betting, I'll keep winning."

I calm down some as the laughter reduces down to small giggles and walk over to the dragon, "Oh man, that was so fuckin' good." Wiping a tear away, I give one last hoot, "I really needed that, holy fuck. How much you get out of him anyways?"

Spike looks up at me with a proud smile as he ties the bag shut, "Ah, it's not even about the money anymore really, I just like seeing how mad he gets." He looks down at the bag with a small smile, "Though getting free bits for nothing is pretty sweet. Right, Charlie?" He raises a hand like he wanted to be lifted.

I chuckle as I grab him and swing him onto my shoulder, "Nothings free in this world, Spike, remember that. It's just that Flash has to learn it the hard way." I swing my head to look him in the eye with an amused grin, "Though I do admit, that was kind of scummy of you to let him rant his victory speech for like a good 5 minutes so he could have missed the time."

The dragon shrugged as he takes off his winter cap, "It didn't feel right to interrupt him."

Applejack looks between the both of us and shakes her head, "You two are gettin' along like a bad hand in poker, I swear."

"I'm just an honest dragon trying to make an honest living, Applejack…" Spike chuckles as he tucks the money into his hat and dons it once more with the biggest shit eating grin.

She rolls her eyes, "Okay, then how 'bout you tell yer angry friend that he needs to start workin' honestly too," Just as I was about to make a rebuttal, she continues, "and ah'm talkin' 'bout farm work, not betting a ponies saving's away."

Groaning, I making my way towards the farmhouse with Applejack in tow behind me, "What have you got for me today, Dolly Parton? Want me to chop more fuckin' wood? Shovel some more never-ending snow like last week? Or maybe I can go jerk Big Mac off? He seems like he really needs it, poor lonely thing." I say, spewing that last part in undiluted sarcasm.

"No, no, and definitely not," Applejack says despondently as she realizes I'm going to be a problem today, "And ah wouldn't say things like that out loud around him. He doesn't like you as it is."

Brushing past her, I scoff, "Well, I'm not really here to be buddy buddy with everyone anyways so he can suck it…"

Applejack's features kind of contort in confusion, "Isn't that the exact reason yer here? To befriend all o' us?"

I stop and look down at the mare who pauses with me, "No, that's what the princess wants me to do, but I've got something else in mind."

Her brow furrows, "And that would be…"

I smile, "Being as much trouble as humanly possible." I pause as I realize she won't understand my lingo, "As poniedly possible, I mean. God, you all talk fruity as fuck…"

She sighs as she looks off into the farm, "Yer really somethin' else, you know that?" The mare starts walking further into the homestead, "Come along, Charlie, you've got quite the list ahead of ya today…"

"Fuckin' brilliant, I can't fuckin' wait to-WHOA!" Something tackling me and Spike into the snow cuts me off mid-sentence. Before I could shout at the soon-to-be-dead s.o.b. for their ignorance, a flurry of wet licks descends onto my face making me realize what the fuck is happening, "Oh, not again! Get the fuck off me, you mutt!"

I push the hairy thing over a little so my eyes can open and the sight of Applejack's cattle dog, Winona, fills my view. Its brown and white fur was snow covered and had what I like to call snowngleberries all around her legs and underbelly. Her tail was wagging like she was about to take off like an airplane and crash into a blimp, but I don't understand why she's so happy to see me.

Well… I guess I can understand why. I may or may not have saved her bacon the last time I was on the farm.

My first day working at Applejack's I didn't even notice the dog, but I was definitely informed when I was working my dick off last week. The snow came down pretty hard the night previously and it all iced over making it a miserable day of work all in all. The first part of the fukcin' day involved shoveling small paths between the buildings and it took forever. As I was heading towards one of the cows' enclosures, I heard some whining come from the tree line. so, being an upstanding member of society, I went over to investigate so I can laugh at whatever predicament it was in.

Lo and behold, the sight of a butt end of a canine sticking straight up in the air underneath a fallen log filled my view. I was just going to ignore it and turn back around, but it seemed to have heard me shuffle around, so it started barking and whipping around like crazy like I was there to save it. I really didn't want to hear all the Apples mourn the loss of their family dog, so I decided to just fuckin' pull it out to prevent a future headache.

In doing so, I created a new one entirely. Fate is a cruel mistress.

Her red collar was caught on a branch on the log and that's why she couldn't escape even though it was really as simple as moving the collar like two inches over to get her free. That was it. Fuckin' retard. Anyways, the dog practically devoured me in licks and playful gestures for the rest of the day. Even tried following me back to the library. Took me a little bit to get her to fuck off, but after like 20 minutes I threw a stick as far as I could, so she'd chase after it and then I ran like I was a father getting some milk and cigarettes for the family.

The assault of licks continues once more, "Applejack! Get your dog off me!"

"hehehe Winona, bad dog! *snirk* Get off of him!" Applejack yells between chuckles and the dog finally hops off and sits in front of me, still wagging her tail frantically like a small string was all that was stopping her from pouncing again.

I sit up off the cold snow and scowl at the canine, "Fuckin' mutt! I'll put you down myself you do that shit again!" Looking over at the cowmare I raise an angry fist at her and shake it, "Train your dog before I make a new pair of shoes out of her!"

She smirks at my reaction, "What's the matter there, Charlie? Not much of a dog pony?"

"I'm not fuckin' much of anything, you turd!" I look back at the work mutt who doesn't seem to care about my anger, "And you better stay out of my way! I'm not your fuckin' master!" I point at it and her head cocks at my gesture.

"Oh, C'mon, Charlie, she's just happy ta see ya, is all." She nods her head at the pooch, "No harm, no foul."

I wipe my face of the slobber making me blanch, "Yeah, no harm until I use her carcass to beat you to death with, cowpoke!"

"Hello?! Somepony there?!" The muffled sound of Spike makes my head snap over to see his legs sticking straight up in the air as he's down headfirst in about two feet of snow.

I sigh as I raise myself to my feet and walk over to pull the shit out of his frozen jail. Yanking on his tail, he slides out with a pop sound. He shakes his head of the snow and looks around confused until he sees me looking at him blankly.

"Uh… You come here often?" He chuckles out.

What little amusement I had for the dragon was no more and I drop him down into the snow again to begin making my way towards the farmhouse with Applejack and Winona in tow. The latter was barking at me the entire time making my head begin to hurt. I might have a tumor or something; It really seems like I get a fuckin' throbbing headache every day at this point.

At least if it is, I'll dead soon…

"Hey! Wait up for me!" Spike cries out as I hear him jog behind to keep up, "Geez, Winona is really happy to see you!" I hear him hum like he was thinking about something, "Actually, now that I think about it, a lot of the pets here in Ponyville seem to like you. Winona, Gummy, Opalescence, Angel…"

I see Applejack's brow lift at that, "Angel? Like Fluttershy's Angel? The same Angel who got a posse of his little critter friends to heist a portion of our apple harvest last year?"

I feel my hands hug my face in mock surprise, "Oh my God! You're all right! Maybe I have some underlying ability to make animals bend to my will!" I point at Applejack and look down at the dog, "Eat her alive, mutt!" Winona looks between the two of us confused, "C'mon just a little nibble won't kill her but by all means take a bigger bite."

Applejack rolls her eyes when her trusted canine refuses my request, "You know what? I take back my surprise, it actually makes sense why that thievin' varmint would like you."

I look over my shoulder at the shit, "Well, I'm glad you understand now because I'll be sure to tell him you have a secret carrot cake recipe hidden in the brim of your hat the next time I see him." I tap my chin like I was thinking, "Which is tomorrow by the way, so be prepared! Who knows what machinations that rabbit can concoct!" An evil laugh escapes me as she looks at me then her hat in horror.

As we approach the homestead, I can already hear Granny Smith barking out senile orders to Applejack's siblings using her cane as emphasis, "-ou little rapscallions are gonna work double time today! Hearth's Warmin' is only a few days away and I want ma land lookin' spotless fer it! Ya hear?"

"Yes, Granny Smith…" The two say in tandem like they'd just been barked at for the past 20 minutes.

Hearth's Warming? That's the second time today I've heard that. What the fuck is that? Some kind of holiday?

The group turns their head as we approach making Granny cackle as she spots me, "Why if it isn't the hardest workin' thingamajig in Ponyville! Good! We can use all the help we can get ta get this here farm in packin' order!"

"Hmm can't wait to hear the whip cracking…" is all that empties out of my mouth.

She shakes her cane at me, "Oh don't you start too! It's bad enough these two don't want to work neither. The laziness in the youth today…"

"Ah didn't say I didn't want to work, Granny! What Ah said was, Ah'm excited fer Monday!" Little Apple Bloom cheers making me wince at the excited filly and she turns to Spike and I, "How 'bout you two? You excited for Hearth's Warmin' like we are? It's going to so amazin' this year with me bein' in the play this Sunday! Ah'm gonna be Smart Cookie!"

"The fu-flip is Hearth's Warming?" I censor myself as Granny readies her cane to smack me for my language, cocking it like a shotgun. Freak.

A collective gasp could be heard with the exclusion of Big Mac who's looking at me uninterested that I'm still breathing oxygen.

"Wait a minute! We told you about Hearth's Warming like a few days ago, Charlie." Spike pipes up, "It was during Twilight's class when you were doodlin and-" His brow falls knowing exactly what happened, "-you weren't listening, were you?"

"Nope!" I put my hands on my hips, "Spike, the fact you have any stock at all that I listen to anything Twilight says on her day is a shock within itself. I thought you'd know better by now." I look back at the group and scratch the shaved part of my hair, "So what the hell is it? Some kind of festival?"

Applejack chimes in, "Well, Hearth's Warmin' means a lot to us ponies. It's annual day we celebrate the foundin' of Equestria. When all three pony races put aside their differences and came together in harmony!"

"Well, sappiness aside, it's basically the fourth of July. Awesome, now I know where not to be next week." I say in a monotone voice.

Spike looks at me strangely, "You are the biggest party pooper I've ever seen."

Jabbing him with my boot, I look down at him, "I'll poop on you if you keep it up, french fry." I stretch my back making all sorts of pops and cracks making some of the others cringe, "Speaking of getting pooped on and Hearth's Warming, Twilight wants you back at the library, Spike."

"Aw what? Did you tell her I moved back to Canterlot instead?" He crosses his arms.

"Did I-No, I didn't tell her that!" I jab him with my boot again, "You tell her to go to hell and see where that gets you."

"Well, it can wait," He says rather assuredly while yawning as he walks towards the house, "Besides, I've got an entire afternoon ahead of me to sleep through."

My sudden leg stops his leisurely stroll as he bumps into it and I glare down at him, "Uh No, you don't," His eyes pop open and he looks up at me confused, "Go on, get out of here. Twilight's waiting for you."

"What?" He looks at me like I was betraying him, "You can't be serious? I'm just going to hang out here with you for the day, whatever she wants it can wait."

I rub my temples, "Spike, I swear to God! If ignore her again today and then I have to deal with it later, I'm gonna punt you like a football across town! Now go on get nagged at like you're supposed to Mr. Librarian's Assistant."

He lifts a small sad finger up, "But-"

"NOW!" I shriek as a small red bolt of lightning shoots up my arm to emphasize my order, it hurt like hell, but it seemed to stop any further arguments from the drake.

Spike sputters some, but eventually droops as he walks away from the farm giving us some small glances as his walk of shame commences. When he's down the path and out of view, I shake my head and look back at the Apple's who were watching the entire argument go down in a refined silence. Like they were seeing a married couple fight and they had no reason to get involved.

Fuckin' gross.

"Anything you all want to add, you squat cobblers?!" I scream and most of them start whistling like they didn't see anything. "That's what I thought…" I turn towards Applejack, "Now, what in Hercules' testicles do you need me to do today so I can get on with it already! I've got things to do later!"

The cowmare looks at me strangely like she wants to ask me something, but denies herself the opportunity, "Well, we got ourselves a long one today, Charlie. We've gotta milk the cows o' course, then we've gotta shovel snow off the roof for all the lights n' decorations we gotta put up tomorrow. Ah tried to get Rainbow to help out but she refused."

"Typical. Of course she'd ditch you to go sleep on a cloud somewhere, that is so in line with that flying turd." I sneer making Applejack sigh.

A small scowl starts to form on the cowpokes face, "Actually, she didn't want ta help cause she knew you'd be workin' today."

I snirk at that, "What? The mighty Rainbow Dash is scared of wittle harmless Charlie? Unbelievable." I feel my eyebrows form together as I think about something, "You know that makes a lot of sense considering I haven't seen hide nor hair of her for about a week. I was hoping my prayers for her to fall into a meat grinder had finally been answered, but it seems she was just ignoring me. Bummer."

She looks at me with a blank face and eventually continues her list with some edge around her voice from my comment, "Also I need ya to collect all and any eggs you can from the chicken hatchery."

"So I can throw them all at you? Sure thing." I start doing little arm circle stretches, "My pitching arm does need a warmup and I wouldn't mind the practice."

She shakes her head, "Will ya stop bein' difficult? We're gonna have one heck of a bake-off Saturday and I want as many as we can possibly get." She throws a hoof at my leg, "And ah don't want ta see even one cracked egg, ya hear me?"

I suppress the urge to rub the area where she hit me, "Yeah yeah, jerk off… Anything else you need while I'm at it? A hoof massage? Some grapes off the vine maybe?"

She taps her chin with a hoof, "Actually, there is another thing ah need ya ta do while yer gettin' the eggs. Can you walk around the coop to look for any weaknesses in the fencin' and try yer best ta patch em? Broken wire, flimsy doors, things like that." She grows a worried look and looks toward the tree line, "Don't need our chickens escapin' especially now…"

I put on my best Phil Hartman impression, "I will put on this uniform and assume my duties as…" I pose like an idiot, "Hen Monitor!"

The Apple family looks at me like I lost my marbles before Apple Bloom opens her mouth, "…What?"

"Never mind," I groan as I rub the back of my neck, "So, what do you want me to start with? The bloated fart bags or the chickens cause there ain't no way in hell I'm going on that roof, not after yesterday."

She eyes me up, "Well, ya don't really got a choice there…"

"Oh, I do have a choice, Sandy Cheeks, that being only working with the animals or working my Johnson here for all to see," I point my pelvis and gyrate for a moment, "So which is it going to be?"

She blinks and then shakes her head when she realizes what I meant, "I guess the cows could use yer attention first…" She turns to her brother, "Can you start workin' on the roof with me since Charlie's bein' a foal? Apple Bloom can help with the cows as I doubt Charlie's ever milked one before."

He looks between me and his youngest sister as his eyebrows knit together, "How 'bout Ah help him with the cows, Applejack, and Apple Bloom can start bringin' up decorations from the cellar. The milk containers make the cart really heavy especially with all this snow on the ground. This… thing isn't really built for muscle as you can see." He glares at me, I return it with gusto at the look and the insult.

Applejack looks at her brother unsure, "I don't know, Mac, you really think that's a good idea?"

He looks back and nods, "We'll get done faster with me helpin' rather than Apple Bloom. When Ah'm done Ah'll come over to to help finish. Shouldn't take us too long."

She still didn't look convinced, but eventually sighs, "Alright, Big Mac, just make sure you two keep outta trouble, ya hear? And that goes double for you, Charlie."

I hold my chest like I was hurt, "You wound me so. Me? Getting in trouble?" I wave a hand at her, "Never…"

Applejack lifts her hat and rolls her eyes, "Charlie, trouble seems to greet you like an old friend at a reunion party."

"Don't I know it, sister…" I snort as I start to walk away towards the cow enclosures.

Some heavy ass clops from a certain stallion coming behind me causes me to turn my head as I walk to see Big McIntosh glare deepen the further away from the house, we get making me. I haven't really been able to get a good look at him until now, but I can tell he's a work horse through and through. He's fuckin' massive, no doubt from plowing the fields his whole entire life. Even in the off season he's wearing that collar doohickey that draft horses wear so he must like it or something. His bright red coat really strains the eyes, even more than the bright ass snow all around me.

Other than appearances, I don't know what to think of the red Stallion really other than he's more on the quiet side of things. We haven't really conversed enough for me to really get a bead on him, but what I do know is that he doesn't like me. Thinks I'm a threat to his sisters and whatnot which to be honest, I don't really blame him for. But that's what older brothers do, worry about the younger siblings.

He may not talk a lot, but I sure fuckin' do. I can tell I get under his skin when I'm going on a tangent, about how bullshit something is, he looks at me like he wants to throttle my ass. I'd say we have a lot in common already as I don't like me either…

I grumble underneath my breath as I look away and trudge forward through the carpet of snow. My feet feel especially cold as the worn holes at the leather on top of my toe caps have finally scraped away to nothing, causing water to leak through to soak my socks. It's been a problem for a while now, but I don't know what really else to do about it. Rarity is barely getting my shirt correct so I can't imagine her taking a whack at some shoes. Christ, I bet she'd give me high heels too knowing her.

Maybe I can use the heel spike to poke out her eyeballs the next time she whines about some dirt I track inside of her shop…

A chill knocks me out of my thoughts and I wrap the quilt around myself. "Fuckin' cold bullshit," I mutter as I'm now far enough away from the house so I can't feel the wrath of Granny Smith. Looking behind me to still see Big Mac still glaring causing me to stop and turn completely to him, "Can I help you?"

His eyes narrow further, "…Nnnnope."

I wipe my face as I should have known that was going to be his answer, "Then stop fuckin' staring at me like I went to town on your grandma last night, you tight lipped freak." I spin back around, "If you fuckin' don't want to work with me that's fuckin' fine by me. Go fuck off somewhere and I'll just do it myself."

"… Have you ever even milked a cow before, ape?" he asks like I was a two-year-old.

I shrug, "You just grab those titty looking things and yank on them right? If so then I've got plenty of practice grabbing tits, tit shit. There was this one girl who was all into that shit, had clamps and everything the freak." He stops and looks at me a second, "What?"

His mouth twists, "Yer very annoyin'."

I tip an imaginary hat, "I aim to please, farmer dick!" I feel my eyes almost roll out of my head as I continue further, "Someone's gotta say something between the two of us for Christs sake, I know you're not."

He doesn't reply to that, but I still hear the large bastard following so I guess I'm stuck with him for today. Great, just when I thought I was rid of that sandbag Spike, I get a new fuckin' dingle-berry on my heels. Actually, make that dingle-berries, Winona sprints in front of me doing figure eights running around us, barking all the while making me wish I put the fuckin' dog down when I had the chance.

…Apple tears be damned.

Soon enough, we reach one of the four small enclosures. They aren't very big, but fuck do they look comfy as shit. It's about the same size as a large shed holding about two cows each if my brain remembers correctly. The fuckin' building had windows, small little nooks for them, even a fuckin' fireplace all at the same quality as an actual house. Makes my apartment back at home look like it's made of cardboard.

I don't know why they don't keep them in the big barn, but I guess they need it for the other animals which the apples own a cosmic fuck-tonne of. Pigs, sheep, goats, cows, chickens, ducks… The list goes on and on. This fuckin' homestead almost rivals Fluttershy in the numbers game on how many animals they've got. The main difference between the two is that Fluttershy seems to rotate her animal friends depending on their needs and what time of year it is, whereas the Apples just owns theirs year-round.

As I gaze at the small hut, Big Mac wordlessly knocks into me on purpose making me almost trip into the snow. I glare at the back of his ginger blonde mane in absolute hatred as I catch myself. This is gonna be a fuckin' problem. I knew the shit didn't like me from last week, but that was just as we passed each other, not working all day together. He nudges the latch of the barn door with his snout and opens one side by a crack and enters leaving me alone outside.

Sniffling from the cold, I look around at the desolate snow drifts around the property and sigh before following the empty minded yokel inside. An immediate sense of warmth smacks me as the scene of the small barn presents itself to me as I take in the homely interior. The crackling fire is the first thing that occupies my gaze as it sizzles and pops making me wish I was in bed, drowning in blankets instead of being passed out at a table.

Winona brushes by my leg making me look down at her as she does the downward facing dog pose to stretch making me roll my eyes as I shut the door. You know that weird tingle you get when you pee? Yeah, I'm feeling that right now just from the change of temperature and holy shit does it feel good in here. Fuck dude, I might even stay the night if it's this fuckin' cozy in here, not that Baby Huey here would let me.

The fucker practically escorted me off the farm with Flash last week. Speaking of that turd, he's now at the far side of the cottage picking up some buckets with his mouth, rather noisily as well. The sound seems to cause a stir in the two small enclosures as two heads of bovine stick out of their gate and smile at him when they realize who's here.

Ah shit, I forgot! The fuckin' cows tal-

"Oh! Mornin' Big Mac! Is it milkin' time already?" The Holstein cattle chimes in with that mid-west drawl.

"Yeeeeup!" He replies with a grin.

"O' course it is, Mootilda! Why else would he be here?" The sister cow, with white and brown splotches chimes in.

"Be quiet ya old coot, I was simply exchangin' greetin's was all. You ever hear of etiquette, DaisyJo?" Mootilda shoots back.

This DaisyJo rolls her eyes, "Oh you speakin' of etiquette like you weren't the troublemaker between us growin' up. Alway's shoutin' about snakes and other critters that weren't there."

Mootilda was about to make another comment, but she looks over, noticing myself and Winona standing around awkwardly. Her smile grows wider, "Look, DaisyJo, Big Mac brought company!"

"Oh! Hi Winona! It's been a while!" The dog barks and runs over to lick her face, "You keepin' out a trouble, missy?"

The dog gives a single bark as a response making DaisyJo smile.

"That's great ta hear, sugar," The dog barks again, "What's that? Yer friend is here? What…"

Both cows look over at me with confusion and then recognition fills their features, "Ooh! It's the monkey thing Winona was tellin' us about!" Mootilda hoots, "You know, the one from last week?"

"O' course ah do! How could ah forget?!" DaisyJo looks over at me practically gleaming, "Yer Charlie, right? The one who saved little Winona?"

Big Mac quirks an eyebrow at that as he walks over placing a pale by Mootilda and looks at me like I had seven heads.

I scratch the back of my head, "I guess? I didn't really save her; she literally could have gotten out of it herself if she wasn't stupid."

"Oh nonsense! We had quite a bit of snow that night and she would have been a frozen puppy for sure! Isn't that right, Winona?" The dog gives a single steady bark as a response, "See? Said you even played catch with her afterwords."

I guffaw at the dog's apparent description of the events that transpired, "That wasn't playing catch! I literally threw a stick as far as I could so I could escape from the slobber menace!"

DaisyJo playfully rolls her eyes, "Sure, sugar cookie, whatever you say."

As I'm groaning, Big Mac looks between the two cows silently before shaking his head like he was banishing a thought he didn't like. He opens DaisyJo's pen and inside I could see a hay floor, two troughs filled with food and water, as well as a single lonely stool where the stallion sits by it, dropping one of the buckets. He looks at me and points at the cow.

"Milk," is all he says making me blink.

"Uh…" I look behind me to see if she was talking to someone else, but no one was there. "Are you fuckin' talking to me? If you are, then yes that is where milk comes from. Very good, Big Mac, you're really getting the hang of this."

He facehoofs and points at the cow again, "Just c'mere…"

I stuff my hands into my pockets as I snicker at his frustration. DaisyJo was as big as a cow, go figure. But seriously, the thing was huge compared to me. Even Big Mac seemed to be covered by her shadow and that's really saying something because the stallion is almost as tall as Celestia and that cunt is fuckin' huge.

His hoof was pointing at its utter and it looks as alien as I remember being at home. Just a fleshy mound with four long dick like tits at the end. Whoever was the first person to look at that and said to themselves 'yeah I bet you that the white shit in their tastes delicious' should have been ostracized from his village.

Fuckin' freak.

I shrug as Big Mac gives me an expectant look, "What? You want me to practice jerking it off, so I'm all warmed up for you later?"

"YER-" He facehoofs again as I almost see cartoon steam come off of him. "Just sit down and grab the utter," he orders like he's a thin thread away from bucking me into space.

I rub my hands together as a smile forms, "Don't worry, I'll make sure I get the twisting motion down pat just for you, I know how you like it."

He groans as he turns to leave, "Fine, be that way. Ah was gonna help ya, but you can figure it out yerself then." He picks up a buttload of pales and leaves the enclosure to go to the one further down to work in silence.

I snort at his small tantrum, "What a prude."

"You know, Winona told us you were a bit difficult, but Ah didn't expect that." DaisyJo chimes in making me look at the cow as I cross my arms.

"Da fuck you talkin' about?"

"Big McIntosh gets along wit everypony," She flicks her eyes upward like she was thinking, "Actually, yer the first one he's ever been curt with now that ah think about it. The fact he raised his voice at all is disturbin'." She looks towards the door with a worried look, "Poor thing must be gettin' stressed with the recent events on the farm."

"Yer right in thinkin' that," Mootilda makes me spin around as she pipes up, "Saw him doing rounds again last night, he hasn't done that in years. The sightin's in the orchard must be keepin' him on edge and ah don't blame em. It's been many a day since we had them roamin' around these parts. Not since the… Uh…" The sister cow looks toward door with a look of sadness, unable to finish her sentence.

"What sightings? The fuck are you two talking about?" I ask as befuddlement consumes me. They both clam up making me put my hands on my hips, "I have no fuckin' context here and it seems like it's kinda important."

"Uh… I wouldn't worry too much about it, sugar, it's nothin' we haven't dealt with before." The two look at each other, still worried.

"Well don't you think I should-" I growl in frustration cutting myself off as I stuff my hands into my pockets, "You know what? Never fuckin' mind, I don't want to know."

DaisyJo caught in her hoof to get my attention to change the subject, "Maybe you should apologize to em. Ah think he'd really appreciate it, and hey, it might even cheer him up to have another stallion to talk to. Poor thing never gets out much."

"Oh, boo fuckin' hoo. You want me to let him cry on my shoulder too? Tell him everything's just in the world?" I spit a loogy on the ground, "He's a grown ass pony, if he can't deal with me or life's hiccups then it's a his problem, not mine."

She looks at me strangely, "Yer not a nice pony, are you?"

I clap my hands together sardonically, "Congratulations, DaisyJo, you're more perceptive than like 80% of the shit stains who live in this yokel shit hole."

A sudden sound of barking makes me jump as I turn to see Winona at the entrance of the pen. She then barks some more, but they seem to be directed at the cow who was listening intently to the canine.

"What's that? Are you sure that he's-"

"BARK BARK"

"Well, if that's the case then why is he-"

"BARK BARK grrrr BARK"

"Eloquently said, Winona, I didn't think about it like that."

I look between the two confused, "The fuck is happening here?"

They ignore me as the canine yelps one more time at the cow, "BARK BARK"

Soon enough, a small sly smile starts to form on the cattles snout and nods her head, "I think I'm beginning to understand, Winona, and I'll take yer word for it. Go on then, get to yer chores. We've got it from here."

The dog spins around in a circle in excitement, runs over and gives me a single disgusting lick I wasn't prepared for, and then bolts toward the slightly ajar door, barking all the while until even that falls silent.

Wiping the slobber off me once more I turn to the cow who's smiling at me like an idiot, "Da fuck was that all about? What did she say to you?"

She looks at me still holding that suspicious smile, "Oh don't worry yer little head about that, pumpkin, just a pointer from a very good dog."

"Yeah, that's not fuckin' cryptic at all," I rub my forehead as I'm starting to feel dizzy, "There's now a fuckin' plot against me by barn animals… When did my life get so fuckin' crazy?"

"Oh, hush yer bellyachin'! You've got some buckets to fill!" The cow cheers as she kicks said bucket underneath her utter.

"Hooray…" I look down at the nipples again and a certain befuddlement takes over, "Uh… Do I just grab them?"

Taking hold of one warm tendrils, the cattle yelps and pulls away a little, "Yer hooves are cold, pumpkin."

"You want me to rub them on my balls for a while? That'll warm them up," I sneer, "Now, shut the fuck up and let me do this." I take hold of them again with both hands and thankfully she doesn't pull away this time as I pull a little bit, but nothing happens. The fuck!

She winces a little at my motion, "Ah take it you never milked a cow before."

"What fuckin' gave that away? The fact I feel dirty touching it, or the fact that nothing came out?"

She shakes her head some, amused by my antics, "Oh, it's easy. Okay, hun, here's what you do; at the base of the teet hold onto so that you've got a grip, but not tight enough to close the nipple."

I follow her instructions still a little unsure, "Okay… Now what?"

"You just simply pull down from the base with that same grip all the way down."

Doing exactly what she said, as soon as I get about halfway down lo and behold a squirt of milk shoots into the bucket, making a metal pang sound as it sprinkles in. Huh, that is kinda fuckin' easy… Weird but easy. As long as you don't imagine the shitbird is sentient it's actually kind of relaxing.

"Now yer gettin' it!" The bovine giggles, "Not start greasing them utters! We've got buckets to fill!"

"That didn't sound dirty at all…" Is all I mutter as I get to work on that utter. Yeah, I rhymed on purpose. Fuck you. As I was getting the hang of the motion, I start mumbling the lyrics of a song I knew back home that required a crowd.

"Oh, yer one of those, are you?" She giggles out making this whole milking thing awkward again.

"The fuck does that mean?" I demand as I glare at her.

She rolls her eyes, "Yer just like Apple Bloom, can't work in silence."

"I'll have you know I can be the quietest motherfucker in the county if it I need to be!" I look at the utter again and blanch, "It's just touching this thing makes me feel like I've got my hands wrapped around someones dick. Oh God, the white shit spitting out ain't making this any better either."

"And you thought Big Mac was the prude…" She giggles.

I let loose a long groan, "Just shut the fuck up so I can focus here, burger."

With that, I get to work. I switch between teets so I don't rub the same two raw, not that I really give a fuck. Fuck man, I've never had to deal with so many fuckin' animals in my life and I'm about as far away from qualified as a person can be. The only pet I ever had growing up was that goldfish I won at the Saint Patty's Day carnival and then it was flushed down the toilet the same fuckin' day. The shit stain didn't want another mouth to feed even though little Porkchop literally ate flakes that didn't even cost a dollar.

The trip to urgent care after the fishbowl was smashed over my head for talking back was much more expensive, that I assure you. I was picking glass out of my scalp for what felt like a year, I'm pretty sure I still have some leftover that I simply missed. God, how old was I? Eight? Nine? Couldn't have been older than ten, but I wasn't really keeping track around those days.

Not until I got to Wellington's.

Had something to look forward to at that point, that being the day I turn 18 and could get the fuck out of there. I started keeping a tally on the wall in my room, but the fuckers scrubbed it when we were in the yard one day which was more than demoralizing. At least Bill kept count for me, knew my birthday by heart and everything, but that's no surprise when your friends with someone for so long.

Heh, I remember the first birthday party he threw for me. My happy 13th and happy it fuckin' was. Bill made sure to collect as many candy bars and snacks as he could just for the occasion no matter how much shit it got him in with the faculty. I didn't tell anybody, so I was more than surprised when I showed up to the yard to see the fellas all wearing birthday hats singing, he's a jolly good fellow. The 'cake' was a platter of assorted Chocolate bars that were laid out to spell my nickname, Wild Boy. That was my first real birthday that didn't end in me wreathing in pain or begging for my life…

I'm… I really miss the days I could think of Bill fondly.

He was… He really meant a lot to me, but that's how my fuckin' life goes. Getting dealt the worst hand at every fuckin' step of the way. My mood sours significantly at the thought and I just silently tug on the fleshy mounds as I continue mumble-singing, completely butchering the lyrics as I only know the chorus.

After about five minutes of a strange kind of silence, DaisyJo moans in pleasure a little making me look at her with some quizzical malice, "The fuck was that?"

Her face lights up a little, "S-sorry, sugar, I'm so used to the hard hooves of the ponies that yer soft hands just feel really good."

I let go of the teets as I now feel incredibly dirty, "Oh my fuckin' God! I am jerking you off! What the fuck!"

She rolls her eyes, "No yer not doin' that! It's just like gettin' a massage from 10 little soft hooves is all." She wiggles her butt a little, "Now, quit bein' a prude and hurry up! Daylights a burnin'!"

I sigh as I grab hold of them again looking at the half-filled bucket, "If you fuckin' cream your pants while I'm doing this, I'm gonna turn you into a fat juicy fuckin' steak."

"I'll keep that in mind…" I start getting to work again, but it seems that the bovine wanted to keep the silence away, "So, what'dya think about the farm? Nice, isn't it?"

I blow some air out of my nose, "You're kidding, right? This fuckin' place is a nightmare."

DaisyJo calls out from her pen, listening in, "Oh, come now! If you hated it that much, why are you here?"

"Because the cunt known as Princess Celestia made this fuckin' mandatory…" The sound of the mild sloshing of the bucket could be heard, "If I had it my way I'd be sitting at home in the library."

"Oh, poppycock! I seen you around the farm here and there around the beginin' of fall. You looked like you were enjoying yerself, pettin' the chickens and whatnot!" DaisyJo recounts the days of me sneaking out here making me frown.

"The part your forgetting is that was before that yee-yee lip packing mule, Applejack, ruined it." I shoot her a glare, "Or do you fuckin' animals not get the same news as the ponies…"

She turned her head and her mouth twists as she recalls what the Cowmare did to me in town, "Yeah, Ah did hear about that… but you can't just throw away everything you liked about a place cause of one little accident."

"What do you mean? Of fuckin' course I can. This place now has the same meaning to me as a shit house that hasn't been emptied in weeks! Besides, that country lifestyle really seems to lose its charm more and more by the minute. I sure as shit wasn't flicking cow beans at home to get their rocks off."

She rolls her eyes causing the bell around her neck to ring some, "Well, if ya just gave this place a chance I'm sure you'd change yer mind."

I pull a hand away to itch the stubble part of my fucked beard, "A chance? Yeah, I don't do chances anymore. The more chances you give out the more you get fucked in the ass! That's why I don't talk to anyone anymore…"

She turns her head back around, "You're not of the extroverted variety, I take it then?"

I spit on the ground, "Of fuckin' course not! I hate people! They just let you down whenever they can."

"Well, ah can't speak much for this 'people' you speak of, but what about ponies? They're a decent enough sort. Enough to rely on, that's fer sure. Maybe if you talked to em they might prove you wrong."

Is she for fuckin' real?

I jab a finger into her flank, "and I especially hate ponies! They're so-gah!" I let go of the utters out of frustration and stand to start pacing some, "Not only are they the reason I'm stranded here in this magical fruitcake of world, but they just have no concept of what it's like being a human in any way, shape or fuckin' form. They're so fuckin' naive that they'll never really understand what I am or what I do!"

"And what kind of pony do you take yourself fer then?" She asks in a kind of serous tone.

I stop pacing and look over at the cow with a furrowed brow, "What?" Feeling my hands rub my face, I take my seat at the stool again, "How the fuck am I supposed to answer that? That's like a question you ask a mental nugget who's been in therapy for 25 years."

"Surely, it can't be as hard as yer makin' it out to be." She smiles at me, "Just start listing some things and we'll see where it gets us."

"Where that gets us? There is no us! And all I am is an asshole; It's what I was born to be and it's what I'll leave this mortal plane as." She deadpans me like she didn't believe a word, "The fuck do you want me to say? I'm afraid of the dark? My willy can't get hard?"

"Well, that sounds like what you think ponies believe you to be, pumpkin, not what you are." I look over to see Mootilda walked over from her pen.

"Then fuckin' nothin' then! Happy?! That what you want to hear?! That I'm fuckin' nothing?! Even that walking shit stack, Celestia, seems to think the same thing!" Growling in frustration, I take hold of the utters again to finish my work, "The fuck am I even doing debating with a cow?! Like you fuckin' know anything that isn't eating grass and shitting everywhere."

"Sweet pea, ah don't really thin-"

I let go and jab a thumb into my chest, "The names Charlie! Not fuckin' pumpkin, sugar cookie, or even fuckin' sweet pea! YOU SAY MY NAME FOR FUCK-ARRRGH"

Lightning shoots out of my arm causing me to tumble onto the hay carpeted floor in agony as my chest begins to burn. The short spell of turmoil was over rather quickly this time thankfully. It's been a while since my last real episode so you fuckers can bring the 'days without shocks' number back to zero. Feeling my hair standing with static, I sit up slowly as I regain my senses.

DaisyJo and Mootilda were looking at me with sympathy before the former opens her mouth, "I was curious when that was gonna happen. Applejack told us that happens when you get moody, but didn't really believe her or how bad it is…"

While groaning, I pop my neck before turning to her, "Then I'm glad I quenched your curiosity, cunt…"

"Ah'm never happy seein' somepony get hurt, Charlie." She quickly states to reassure me which it doesn't.

"Whatever…" Setting the knocked over stool back upright, I look at the pale that's almost full. "You got anymore in the tank or am I fuckin' done with you finally?"

"…Ah think ah'm about tapped out," She finally responds after a minute of looking at me, "It's Mootilda's turn then."

I grunt as I yank the full pale away from her utters and set it by the entrance of DaisyJo's enclosure as I walk over to the other annoying Bovine to finish with these shits so I can fuckin' leave. Thankfully, the attack seemed to have knocked some sense into the smelly future meals on legs as they remained quiet for the rest of the time I spent milking.

Good. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Just as I was squeezing the last of the milk from silent Mootilda, the door to the cottage creaks opens along with heavy hooffalls letting me know that the big dumb fuck was in the building, no doubt to check if I've been behaving around the steer. I see him peak around with an uninterested gaze at the filled bucket by the pen with a pursed lip. He then walks over to the pen I was working in and looks at Mootilda.

"How'd he do?" He asks to the cattle like I wasn't there.

"He's doin' more than fine, sugar," Mootilda says to him with a smile, perk an eyebrow up, "Ah'd even go as far to say that he's the best milker in the county, at least to me that is!"

He hums at that, "Is that right?" He asks incredulously which the cow nods at, "Colored me impressed then. Ah'd thought for sure I'd of come back to him sleepin' like Ah did last week."

I wave from the stool with one hand on an utter still, "Hey! Asshole! I'm right fuckin' here so you can ask me! Been working my fuckin' fingers to the bone thank you very much. And for the record I wasn't sleeping, I was simply resting my eyes. It's a fuckin' miracle I'm not still snow blind from last week."

"Hmmhm…" is what he replies with, obviously not believing a word out of me.

"Whatever…" I look over at Mootilda, "Are you fuckin' done yet? The buckets about full and I'm getting sick of tugging on a dick that ain't mine."

"I'm about on empty, Charlie," She giggle as I quickly stand with the filled bucket, "Though I wouldn't mind if you kept goin', suede hooves~" She sings in a way that I really don't want to describe.

Disgust is all I feel as I look back at her as she gives me a sultry look, "Da fuck did you just say?"

"Mootilda! Not in front of the stallions! What she means is that she can't wait fer her next milkin' from you, Charlie." Her eyes flick down at my feet and back up as if she was looking at every inch of me. She giggles like her sister, "And I'm inclined to agree with her. It was… very pleasant."

"Oh, you did not just-" I close my eyes and suck in a breath, so I don't explode, "I'm fuckin' out of here." I say rather quickly as I pick the other pale up and walk as fast as I can to leave.

"Don't be a stranger now~!" The cows call out in tandem making my cringe from the cold intensify before the door swings shut.

Getting hit on by cows? Yeah, I'm thinking Charlie has just hit a new fuckin' low for sure.

Before I could curse anymore higher beings using my life as a sitcom, I stood out in the cold not really knowing what I was supposed to do next. My beaten and downtrodden hands stung as they clung to the tin handles as I look over to my left causing my eyebrows to lift some at what I see.

Next to the two hunks of love's shack was a small wagon with two large old timey metal dairy containers that looked like they could hold a good 50 gallons of milk no problem. The wagon itself was pretty tiny. It only has two small wheels and reminds me more of one of those asian street taxis than an actual wagon. Fuck man, I think I could lift it if it tried hard enough. Looking down towards the wheels I see quite a few pales filled with milk that sure as shit wasn't there before I walked inside.

Did Big Mac do all this? I was only in there for like 20 minutes! How the fuck did Quick Draw Mcgraw get these done so fuckin' fast? Or am I just that slow…? Fuckin' Christ, he did almost triple the amount that that I did…

Whatever, less I've got to do, is what I rationalize as a small breeze hits my exposed cracked hands, making them seer in pain and me to grimace. Walking over, I lay the two fruits of my labors next to the stallions and I quickly stuff them in my pockets for little relief from the bitter cold while I lean against the side of the building, waiting for the shit to come out. Christ, my hands are killing me. Between the blisters and the cold, they're fuckin' shot. I forgot my purple mittens Rarity made for me like a retard and of course it's on the day I'm practically outside the entire time.

I'm blaming Flash's gambling addiction… Fuckin' retard.

I see the door swing open and an irked looking stallion scowl at me as he latches the door back shut.

The scowl is indeed returned, "If there's something you want to say, just say it. I fuckin' hate semantics, dude, and I'm tired."

"…" His eyes narrow more as he takes a few steps forward to get closer.

I shake my head as I take a step away from the wall, "I get you have this, like, guard dog shit going on, but could you at least save it for when I'm gone please? I'm sure your sisters are the ones that need to be watched, not me. So why don't you go and-" In almost an instant Big Mac, using his front legs and his weight, pushed me back against the wall and pinned me by my chest as he stood on his hind legs. "HEY! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"

Before I could yell some more or get free of his grasp, the quiet stallion finally opens his mouth, "Ah'm not gonna stand here and let some mean mother hubbard from some magical foreign land tell me how to care fer mah kin like it's his business."

"You practice that in front a mirror this morning, donkey dick!" I struggle in his grip as I hock a loogy on him, but he doesn't even blink at the action as it slides off his cheek.

"Ma sister told me to play nice wit ya and so far Ah've been patient, but Ah've got bigger problems to deal with than to watch you like a scorned crow," His one hoof moves upwards towards my neck to pin it more efficiently before continuing, "Listen here, partner, ah'm gonna say this once and only once; there's been enough tragedy on this farm already and if you cause any more trouble that we Apple's don't need then-"

My trademarked and copyrighted wet raspberry ceases his rant, "You fuckin' think I wanna be here? Waste my fuckin' days being worked like its fuckin' 1846 in Alabama?! News flash! I fuckin' hate here!" With one hand I grab onto his draft collar as I continue to squirm without much progress.

"Ma family matters ta me even more than ma land. Nothin' else really comes close so if anythin' happens to em and Ah find out you were behind it, Ah'll buck you into the next century and that's a promise." I throw a haymaker at his face, but it may as well of made a squeaky toy noise as it landed from how ineffective it was.

He shakes his head some like he couldn't believe something after my attack, "Ah don't even understand why they had to send the Princess to deal with you anyways. You look like you couldn't even annoy a fly with them noodles you call legs. Ah could probably crush you right now and you couldn't do anythin' ta stop me." He muses, but I can tell he didn't really mean that as threatening so much as insulting.

His insults make me resist further with a few pathetic punches to his side, but it's no use. His weight was already too much for me even before I lost all my mass from home. Fuck man, this horse has a diet consisting of nothing but concrete and steel rebar with how hard his body was. Just as I was about to give up the fight, I look down to see a dangling answer to my entire problem making a hearty chuckle escape me as I now know what to do.

Big Mac looked perturbed and loosened his grip a little, "What er you laughin' at?"

When my bout of boisterous laughter ceases, I look at him with a bright smile, "There's a reason why they had to send ol' sunder thighs to deal with me…" I let go of his coat and put them to either side of me, prepared for what has to be done, "Do you know why that is, cheese dick?"

He looks me up and down like I was a bomb ready to go off, "Uh… not particularly."

I chuckle again as I lean closer to his ear, it twitches some when I let loose a satisfied sigh, "I don't know how to fight fair."

Then with as much might as I could possibly muster, my knee swiftly swings upward right into his exposed family jewels hard. Hard enough for the stallion's legs to buckle from the pain, making him fall to the floor in agony. His face was seemingly growing a brighter shade of red as he gulped down pained breaths from my action.

I look down at him in a manner that could only be described as annoyed before I grab one of the tacks on his plow collar to shake him towards me. It's fuckin' time to rub his nose in his own fuckin' accident so he doesn't try this shit again.

"Listen here, friend, now I'm only gonna say this once and only once," He stares up at me as I push on the collar to start choking him some as there's little he can actually do to stop me at this point, "You ever lay a goddamn hoof on me again, I'll fuckin' show you what a real tragedy looks like fuck face. Your family will be pretty fuckin' devastated when they're precious brother goes fuckin' missing and never comes back."

He still is in too much excruciating pain to respond, but the fear in his eyes is enough; they give me an intense feeling of Déjà vu as I peer into them.

Grabbing one of his laid-back ears with one hand, I twist it towards me just to be he can hear what I'm about to say, "There's no fuckin' man, fuckin' beast, nor fuckin' pony I won't put down. So, the next time you decide to try something, come in hot or don't come in at all because I'll fuckin' end miserable life in fuckin' heartbeat!" He chokes out some nonsense making me shake him some, "You understand me asshole?! You won't be the first motherfucker I've put in ground, and you won't be the last either! YOU FUCKIN' HEAR ME?!"

I feel my hands move by themselves almost as they apply more pressure to his collar, and he starts letting out some pitiful choking sounds causing my face to twitch as a memory begins to play on its own. The cold elements start to shift to that motel room a year ago in South Boston where the now lifeless Zhoa had led us over a year ago. Big Mac's face melts into that of Mr. Cheng's beet red face and blood-shot teary eyes slowly lose that sparkle of life as my hands wring around his neck tighter.

"Jesus Christ, Charlie! Let him go! You're going to kill him!" is what Dylan shouts from behind as I feel his hands grip my shoulders to pull me off of him, but they do little in the way of actually stopping me.

I had to do this. I already killed his cousin when he came at me with a knife, and I saw the look in Mr. Cheng's eyes. It screamed for retribution. He'll come after me if I don't deal with him. He'll come after Wally too and I can't let that happen. He has to die! It's me or him! ME OR HIM!

A strange voice trickles in the back of my head as a fuzzyness takes over my mind, making my face twitch while my hands push further against the Asian man's neck without my command.

That's it!

Don't think about it! Just do it!

HE'S NOTHING! HE DESERVES IT! END IT!

K̵̨͍͖͍͓̀́̓͗̑Ì̷̬̘͖̯̠́̈̒͋̿Ľ̷̙̳͙̱̞̐͛̐͋Ĺ̵̞̠͙̠̍̿͂͝ͅ ̷̻͔͍̰̱́̈̍̈́͗Ḩ̵̛̘͎̲͕̄́̐͂Ì̶̛̤̻̺̫̐́͛̈͜M̶̳̱̳̑̓͌͌͜͜͝

When I blink, the visage of a dying Mr. Cheng quickly snaps back to the very real Big McIntosh desperately trying get to break free of my murderous grip.

"C-Char-lie!" He coughs out the reality of what I'm doing dawns on me.

I gasp quite loudly like I was the one being choked, collapsing backwards. I fall back into the snow behind me as what feels like whatever took over my body for that second leaves as well as that fuzzy feeling. There wasn't only one of us gasping for air either as Big Mac starts coughing profusely like he hadn't been able to have a gulp of air for a hot minute as he lays there on the ground a few feet from me.

I almost-I would've- Was I really going to…?

I look at my hands and ball them into fists at the thoughts. As I did this a feeling of a sort of disappointment that wasn't my own eats at me as I shake my clenched hands like they were on fire. Before long, we were both a couple of gasping fools sitting in the cold snow, but I have to admit I'm looking a hell of a lot better than Big Mac, that's for sure. His hind legs were still bent in odd angles no doubt from the pain of my cheap shot and his mane was in quite disheveled. I could see some small tears and some small bags at the bottom of his eyes, though I couldn't tell you if that was from his swollen balls or the lack of oxygen.

I shake my head and stand back up to look down at him as he's about one step away from shitting himself. Like he thought I was coming back to finish the job. This causes me to frown, not at him but at myself. Did I really just do that to a pony? Sure, he tried threatening me, but not anything to deserve that.

Some odd laughter pulls my attention away from the recovering stallion and towards the homestead. I can see Applejack and Applebloom in the distance shoveling snow off their barn house laughing as the two throw scoops of the ice at each other like giant snowballs. Granny Smith was shouting at them to stop goofing off, but it seems the old codger was ignored. It seems they didn't hear the commotion at all, and they were still blissfully unaware that they were about to be an Apple.

My frown deepens further as I watch them from afar, realizing what started all of this.

He was just protecting them you idiot. Were you really gonna kill him for something as trivial as a small threat? Besides, Charlie, you of all people should understand where he's coming from. My bare, cracked hands come up to rub my cold face as I know I just made a huge mistake. Looking back down at him, he just laying groaning some with a face akin to a deer seeing a semi barreling towards it and I'm the semi.

I better go help the prick… Good thing I've been in enough bar fights and back alley scrapes to know just how to take your mind of pain like that, a good drink. I look over at one of the pales of dairy and my mouth twists. I guess that'll do. Though, I'll admit most of the drinks I had after a beat down were whiskey, but the principle should be the same. Hopefully for his sake…

Walking over, I pick up one of the buckets and walk towards the stallion who started cowering a little as I got closer making me pause. Fuck, man, I really stirred his shit pot with that stunt, didn't I?

I sat the bucket down by him and look down at him with pity, "Just drink some of this… It'll take your mind off of it, the pain I mean," I point down towards his manhood, "And I'd put some snow on that unless you want them swelling to the size of bowling balls. Well, maybe you're into that kind of thing, the fuck do I know."

I walk away from him without another word or to wait for a response and head towards the cart as I plan on finishing the chore even though I'm probably going to be thrown in prison at the end of the day for this anyways. Fuck it, might as well do something good with my time before I'm scratching tallies into a wall. Pulling a couple filled buckets towards the back, I lower the back gate to climb up. Popping the lid open and start dumping the pales in so that it could be transported back to the house without further incident. This takes a while to do as the opening in the container was kind of small, so I had to be careful not to spill any, thus I had to slowly pour them.

Every once in a while, I'd glance in his direction, and he'd still be warily watching me like my wrath would ensue again at any moment. I do my best to ignore it, but it's kind of hard considering I almost just blew out his candle.

With the last of the pales dumped and stacked, the two dairy carriers were actually full to the brim which is surprising as I wasn't out here for very long. Might have been only a few hours at best. I close the lids, locking them, and jump off the wagon as I blow hot air into my hands to warm them up.

"Well, that's all fuckin' done…" I say offhandedly to myself as I peel some skin off a newly formed blister on the crutch of my thumb.

Some soft groans of pain nearby cause me to look over to see that the stallion at least took some of my advice as I see a small pile of snow he had scooped over by his boys. The last filled dairy bucket was in front of him now and he started drinking some of it a little, but I could tell that he didn't feel safe at all. Especially, with me working so close to him.

I guess I better say something to him… I scratch the joke you could call my beard and sigh as I walk closer. He tenses up immediately making me regret my decision immediately. I stop a few feet away and we stare at each other for a short moment, the fear in his face still tangible.

"How're your apples? Really knocks the wind out of you, doesn't it?" is what I say softly with a small laugh, not to upset him any further.

He looks at me in a scared silence and doesn't answer.

"Right…" I rub the back of my neck knowing that's exactly what I thought was going to happen, "I want you know something, Mac, just between us. No sarcasm or bullshit." He blinks but doesn't say anything, "I uh… I get it. Your protectiveness over your family, I mean. There's just so much shit in the world that could be out to get them and no matter how tall you stand; something always seems to be around the corner that's bigger and badder than you are. Believe me when I say that you'll sacrifice anything to keep them safe at the cost of your own sanity, and I mean anything. Even if it's against their own benefit." I look down at the floor, "I know that too well."

His eyebrows raise just enough for me to notice, but again he remains quiet.

I sigh as I look over at the house and the other Apple's who were near it, "You've got a nice family, definitely one that I'd be proud of if they were mine and uh… well, I kinda like them for the most part. I'll deny it if you mention that to them, but it's the truth. So, the least I can do is give you a promise that I ain't gonna do anything to your family, Mac. Not that a promise from me really means shit or that I'm trustworthy or that you can believe a word out of my mouth…" I shake my head as I realize this is pointless and wave a dismissive hand at him, "You know what? Just fuckin' forget it. You're gonna hate my guts anyways so it doesn't really fuckin' matter. I'm going back to the house with the wagon… Just stay and rest a little more."

Without another word, I walk over to the two wheeled cart and throw an oversized harness around my shoulders and grab onto the two handles to lift it up. It took me a good second to lift it properly and to get a good first step away from the cows and Big Mac towards the house. The walk over wasn't anything worth noting, all you need to know is that pulling anything through snow is fuckin' annoying and it didn't help that the dairy containers were heavy as shit either. In all honesty I could of probably waited for Big Mac to do it as it was his job, but I better give him some more time to recover.

Granny looks over with glee as I finally approach the farmstead after a miserable trek through the snow, "Oh! At least one thingamajig around here knows how to work for Celestia's sake!" She croons as she shakes a cane at Apple Bloom and her sister who were still on the roof playing, "If ya followered his example, Ya'lld be done by now!"

Applejack chuckles as she tosses a small snowball at her, "Oh hush, Granny, it's the holidays. We're entitled to have a little bit o' fun!"

"You can have fun when I'm dead!" She hollers up and starts mumbling about the youth as she rocks softly in her chair.

"Granny…" Applejack and Apple Bloom scold out as I set the wagon down to rub my blistered hands.

Applejack looks over the edge to see the full buckets and adjusts her stetson, "Gee yer all done already? If ah'd known how much of a power duo you two would've been, I'd of paired you two up from the beginnin'."

I scratch the back of neck knowing how fuckin' wrong she was, "Yeah, I felt nothing but chemistry…"

"Yee haw! That's what I like ta here! Seems there's hope fer you yet!" She positively gleams, "isn't that right Big Mac." She hollers a little louder looking further down the path making me freeze.

I turn to see the stallion carrying two towers of stacked empty buckets on his back as he walked, no limped, towards us.

Apple Bloom noticed him limping and shouted down to her brother, "You alright there, Big Mac?"

After he sets the empty buckets down by the cart he gives his sister a small look with some leftover fear from earlier, but he hid it well. He seems to shake out of it when gazes towards the tree line and an actual scowl of malice forms as he looks off into the distance at the rows of trees before he turns and looks back up at Apple Bloom to speak.

Great, here's the part where he blabs that I'm the reason he can't have foals anymore and then I'm gonna have to talk my way out of being some stallions prison bitch. Just watch…

"Yyyyyyup…" Is all he responds with as he glances at me again with knowing eyes.

…What?

He turns to walk back towards the cows, but he stops a moment to look at me. It wasn't with hate, prejudice, or even fear for that matter. It looked like he was studying me, unsure about something. Eventually his jaw shifts and with that he turns once more and walks back to cows to retrieve the rest of the buckets leaving me more confused than before.

The fuck was that all about? Why didn't he-

"Charlie!" Applejack calling my name making me look up at her, "Ah think Big Mac has the buckets all handled from this point on. Can you start yer way over towards the chicken coops? When yer done feedin' em, just grab as many eggs as ya can hold! There should be plenty of baskets in the hatchery so don't feel shy about not takin' one."

I put my hands on my hips and gaze upwards, "Don't you Apple's know what a union break is?"

"What's the matter, Charlie, ya too soft to put in some extra work?" She smirks at my glare, "We'll have a snack for ya when yer done all done. How does a patented Sweet Apple Acre apple pie sound? That good to you?"

"…There better be whipped cream with it too…" Is what I mumble as I turn away from the family. At least I'll be alone finall-

"Oh! And another thing! Bring Winona with you." She calls out before I even get to my second step.

What? I turn to the dog who was sitting next to Granny stands up and her tail starts wagging in anticipation of coming with me. Oh, hell no!

I look back up at he and raise my hands above my head, "Why? I don't want that mutt with me? It's bad enough the cows think they're an off-brand version of Dr. Melphi and had me listen to their dribble the last couple of hours, but now I've got to bring that slobbering headache with me too? I don't think so, sugarcube."

She rolls her eyes at her beloved pet-name I snarled out, "Can you just say okay to a single thing Ah ask without makin' such a fuss? She's bored and she's good with the chickens. Trust me when Ah say yer gonna want her with you, I didn't refill their feeds yet and they can get feisty when they're mighty hungry…"

I sigh as I look down at Winona whose tail is still wagging, waiting for my command, "Fine you mutt! You can come, but you do one thing and you're getting spayed with a rusty spoon." She chases her tail a moment in excitement and then bolts ahead of towards the hatchery with noisy barking making me regret my decision immediately. "How do I get myself into these messes…"

Without another word, I do my famous Irish goodbye from the hard-working family and make my way towards the coop with a small passing glance at the back of the Stallion who doesn't make any sense. I almost kill him and then he covers for me? For some reason I just know that wasn't the end of that whole fiasco, but what can I do?

Oh well, at least Winona can't talk, just like the chickens. Fuck, I might even be able to have some thoughts to myself I can actually hear…