8-Bit Ch. 3
Staring at Reid's desk, Savvy could feel her heart breaking, between Hotch going into WITSEC, and now Spencer was in jail for murder and drug trafficking, she was even more determined to find Peter Lewis. Crossing her arms, she knew the only way was to do a deep dive into the Dark Net, not that it was a guarantee, but it had a chance of yielding greater results. Sighing, this was something that she needed to discuss with Emily, as the BAU Unit Chief, everything that she did for the team needed to run through her.
Placing her hand on JJ, "I don't know what I can do, but I promise I will use everything in my nerd arsenal to do what I can to prove he's innocent." She didn't care if she had to hack into restricted satellites, there wasn't much Savvy wasn't willing to do to look out for Reid, he was like her a nerd using his gifts for the greater good.
JJ gently patted her hand, looking down at the woman, "Thanks, I just can't believe this is real." Reid was like her brother, she loved him dearly. Wiping her face, "I gave Emily a change of clothes for him."
"Did you get to see him?" Savvy asked, hoping that he was alright. She wanted to be brave for him, but she knew that he would be climbing the walls, frustrated that he wouldn't be able to just think his way out.
Shaking her head, "No, I didn't think I'd be able to keep it together if I saw him locked up." As tough as she was, Reid was one of her few soft spots and the idea of him being locked up with criminals was setting her teeth on edge.
"He's strong, he's going to be OK." Rossi said, coming up behind the women. "They are running a battery of tests now to see what drugs were in his system."
Savvy couldn't help but look over at the man, he was quickly becoming her rock. However, hearing that they were just now taking his blood, just pissed her off, many different sedatives could have been metabolized by now and not show on a tox screen.
"Really, now? What about the comprehensive tox panel that they ran in Mexico?" JJ asked, it had been several days, a lot of drugs could have been flushed from his system by now.
Sighing, "Unfortunately we may never get those results, with the international red tape now involved." Struggling to keep his composure, right now the team needed him to be their fixed point.
Squinting her eyes, Savvy couldn't help but cross her arms, "Well, if it becomes too much of an issue, I can gladly help extradite that information over to our side." Locking eyes with Rossi, "All I need is your go ahead."
Placing his hand on her shoulder, "Red, for now, let's do this by the book, but if we need that service, I will gladly take all the blame." Exhaling slowly, "When they finally post bail, I got the kid covered, so let's just focus on the positive for now, and get our butts to work."
Hearing her alarm, Savvy looked down at her phone, "Looks like we got a case." Looking at the two of them, she sent the request for the rest of the team to hit the round room. Her mind was focused on a few things now, Spencer, Peter Lewis, and now this case. For now, the case would hold her focus, but every free minute she got, she would devote to the other two.
Luke watched as Savvy gripped the sides of her seat, leaning down next to her ear, "Fear of flying?" he asked her, his voice filled with concern.
"No, not really, just, first time I'm going into the field, so to speak. I'm currently running every scenario that I can to help narrow the field to find this unsub." Biting her lip as she felt the turbulence, "and trying my best to ignore that." Taking a deep breath, she turned her head slightly, seeing the amusement in his eyes, "I know, you probably think I should stay in my office." She said, her voice a little defeated.
Shaking his head, "No, that's not what I'm thinking at all." Resisting the urge to touch her face, Luke leaned back knowing that the team needed to go over their game plan.
JJ covered her smirk with her hand, doing her best not to laugh at his obvious attempts to keep a professional distance. Looking over, Dave had his nose in his tablet doing what he could to formulate his plan of attack. Tara however, they shared a look, pleased to know that there was someone else watching a beautiful sexy man struggle with his feelings for Savvy.
Walker kept his eyes on his folder, smiling a bit as he watched the young man keep the young Savanah calm. Looking up, he found JJ and Tara smiling at each other, turning his head a bit more, he found Dave looking up at him. "So, what's the game plan?" Figuring they needed to start brainstorming, it was imperative that they got ahead of this unsub, the last thing that people needed was to be fearful of their vehicles.
Savvy found herself looking around the first crash site, she could hear JJ and Luke discussing with the officer how the unsub would be watching, or where he would be watching from. "This is too open, right? Someone would have noticed." Stepping down off the sidewalk, blushing a bit when Luke held her hand, "Thanks." Smoothing down her dress, she could see JJ thinking.
"We should canvass the local businesses, seeing if any of their security was able to pick something up." Hoping that they would be able to identify this unsub quickly.
Luke frowned, "I don't think he would be that careless, everything so far he's been a step ahead, and one degree away from the actual action." Looking over at Savvy, he found her pushing her sunglasses up on her nose, "What do you think?" he asked her. More than curious to see how she was interpreting the information that they were providing.
Pointing to the traffic cam, "That." Her eyes staring at the camera, "That would give him the best access into watching it without having to be here."
Chuck frowned, "That's not possible, traffic cams are a closed circuit." Seeing her face, "Right?"
Savanah gave the man a small smile, "I'm sorry to say, but someone with a decent understanding could hack those things." Turning to JJ, then to Luke, "Give me a moment." Reaching into her bag, she pulled out her laptop, frowning as she pulled the lines of code, "It appears that the unsub has full access to them." Turning it around so that they could see.
"We need to get this information to Rossi." JJ said as she already started to dial.
Luke looked down at her, bumping her with his shoulder, "Great job. Now, how is he hacking into the cars?" he asked her.
Smiling up at him, "Unfortunately that's not hard, once you have the frequency, but finding that takes, well that some skill, someone that has a decent grasp. You know what I mean?" Looking over at JJ, "I'm not saying computer genius, but not without decent skill."
JJ nodded, looking over at Luke, "OK, so that should help narrow down our suspect pool." Turning to the DOT officer, "Where are the vehicles now?"
Rubbing his head, he was a little concerned that someone would be able to get into their traffic cams, turning his head toward the blonde. "We've got them at the impound." Indicating for them to follow, his eyes looked down at the red head, "You're the tech analyst, right?"
"Yes sir." she said, lifting her bag a bit higher on her shoulder. Savanah could see that he was a little upset about her diagnosis on their cameras; while it wasn't her intention to upset him, it was her job to let her team know and by proxy the DOT.
"After you and your team figure this out, do you think that you can find a way to make it a little more difficult for people to get into our system?" He asked her.
Jumping into the back of the SUV with JJ, Savvy couldn't help but smile, "Of course, just need to clear it with your boss and mine." Leaning back, she couldn't help but run scenarios on how to narrow down her search for this unsub, because someone that used tech to hurt people, she took that as a personal insult to her profession.
Savvy found herself frowning at the information on her computer, since she's landed with the team this psycho took over two more vehicles, different makes and models from his original two. "Damn it." She growled out, "OK, so, you've narrowed down your victims, you like brunettes, and now escalated to killing them in front of their houses. How are you finding them?" she asked herself, hoping that by doing so it would give her the answer she was missing.
Walker took a seat next to her, "He had to have knowledge about her daily routine." He added, "This was personal. Have you crossed check their social media platforms?" he asked her.
Frowning, "OK, so," pulling up their social media, "Nothing standing out on their Facebook, Instagram…." Biting her cheek, it was like lightening hitting her brain, "Apps, on the phone!"
Watching her type up a storm, Steven couldn't help but snort, looking over his shoulder he found the rest of the team standing around watching her. "She's hunting." he said, his eyes turning back to her.
"GOT IT!" Looking up she found the team staring at her, "She just joined a dating app, Amorous Intrigue." Turning her computer around, "The last victim had it on her phone as well, see." Pointing to the split screen.
Rossi smiled at her, "Great job Red. OK, see who they were dating, anyone in common, anyone that they ignored, blocked. Deep dive, Red, deep dive."
Luke watched as her eyes focused on the screen, this was the first time he really watched her work, it was impressive how she maneuvered through multiple screens. He had no idea how she was able to keep all that information straight in her head, leaning against the doorframe he kept his eyes on her enjoying how she glowed in her element.
"OK, she was pinged a few times, but those convos didn't go anywhere." Digging deeper into the ignored people, "Jonathan Rhodes, he's pinged her 4 times, she ignored him. She must have rejected him off his profile alone."
"Pull it up, please." JJ said, hoping that something inside would confirm their profile.
Inhaling deeply, Savvy looked up at Luke who was standing next to her, "Jonathan enjoys videogames, single shooter and driving mostly. He's into computers and was a sound tech engineer at WUKO." Blinking rapidly. Diving a bit deeper into his life, she could only cringe, "He cyber stalked Veronica for months."
Luke stepped forward placing his hand on her shoulder, "Who else did he ping on Amorous Intrigue?" hoping that they would be able to find his next victim.
"No one, really. He didn't put himself out there much." She said, feeling a bit bad for the man, she understood herself how difficult it was to date.
Luke tried to put himself in the mindset of the unsub, "That would only have intensified any rejections."
"Got one, Alyssa Miles, totally his type." Savvy didn't take her eyes off her picture; she was a beautiful brunette.
"That's got to be his next target, pull up her address, and his." He said to her.
Doing what he said, she sent the information to their phones, "Done."
Rossi looked around, "Luke, Savvy, go to the victims house. Everyone else, split up to his home and job."
Pulling up to the house, Savvy jumped out of the SUV, she trailed closely behind Luke, as much as she enjoyed being out in the field, she wasn't trained to take on an unsub. Looking around, her car was in the driveway, but her keys were on the ground. Touching his shoulder, "Luke." She said, pointing to the objects.
"Fuck. He's got her." Picking up his phone, he called the rest of the team. "We're at Alyssa's, no signs of a struggle. I think he abducted her."
JJ rubbed her temples, "He's not here at the apartment, or job." Looking over at Dave, "We got to find this guy, now."
Savvy couldn't help but think out loud, "Why'd he change his behavior?" her eyes looking to him.
Rubbing his beard, "It's an escalation. It's not enough to watch her, he craves contact." Looking into her pale green eyes, "Savvy, how do we find him?"
Blinking rapidly, "OK, um," turning her attention to the computer, "He's deleted his information in the DMV." Frowning, she needed to breathe. "I need some parameters." Her voice shaking from her nerves.
Rossi looked around, "2013 Meridians, were the first car that was hacked, so, that's probably the car he had access to."
"Cross-check all the plates of that model with named owners, the one without is our unsub." Tara said.
She could feel Luke watching her as she typed, "Stop staring, you're making me nervous. And it's weird." This was the first time since joining the team that she had someone's life in her hands, and it was a frightening moment for her.
Rubbing her shoulder, "Sorry." Luke tried to focus on anything else, but it was hard.
"He has firewalls around the car, fuck." Taking a deep breath. Savvy felt like she was at a loss, if he didn't get herself into a good thinking space, a woman was going to die.
Luke turned her so that she was facing him, "Breathe." Looking at the contents from her purse, "Her phone, it's not here, she has her phone. Can you track that?"
"Yes." Grabbing his wrist, Savvy pulled him to the SUV, "Drive, I can track him on the go." Yelping as he slammed the petal down, praying that they didn't crash but more importantly she wanted to save this woman.
Holding on to her laptop as Luke sped through traffic, "Oh god." Not taking her eyes off the screen, "He's taking them to a crash site, literally. The road T-bones into a loading dock about 2 miles ahead."
Drifting the SUV around the corner, "Hang on Savvy" he said, "Notify the P.D."
"Been doing that, Luke." She said, not meaning to raise her voice, but she was scared and there was a good chance she was going to witness this man kill Alyssa.
Keeping his eyes on the road, he could see her out of the corner of his eye, she was tense, and doing what she could to hack into the car. "Savanah, you are a world class hacker, this shithead doesn't even come close to your skills." Sparing a quick glance at her, "Now hack that fucking car and shut him down."
Wiping a tear that threatened to fall, Savvy turned back to her laptop, every fiber in her body was charged. Hitting a few more keys, she was able to disable his firewall, "I'm in." she said, breathing a small sigh of relief. Punching in the lines of code, Savvy focused her attention on the brakes and steering, not wanting to hit them so hard that she flipped the car.
Luke watched as the vehicle's tires started to smoke, but moments later the car came to a complete stop. "That's my girl!"
Savvy watched as he jumped out with his gun drawn, tossing her computer in his seat, she jumped out and made her way over to the victim. Seeing her hands taped to the steering wheel, she carefully took it off, "It's OK, you're safe now." A little surprised that the woman wrapped her arms around her, gently rubbing her back, "Deep breaths." Looking up, she found Luke putting the handcuffs on the unsub, but his eyes were locked on hers, giving him a small nod, she turned her attention back to Alyssa.
Emily found herself laying her head on her desk, tears were threatening to fall, Reid was remanded to Federal Prison without bail until his trial. It wasn't fair, but there wasn't much she could do, at least not yet. Hearing a light knock on her door, Emily quickly wiped her eyes, and mentally readied herself for the next case. "Come in."
Stepping in, Savvy could see that Emily was upset, "I'd ask you how you're feeling, but that's a stupid question." Pointing to the seat, "Do you mind?" As much as she wanted to talk to Emily about her experience in the field, and how she wanted to go to the Dark Web, if she wasn't in the mood, she'd wait for another time.
Smiling up at her, Emily was grateful every day for Savanah, she was just as kind and warm hearted as her predecessor, and at a time like this it was needed. "Of course." Taking a beat, Emily got her emotions under control, "OK, tell me, how was working in the field?" More than curious to see if she even liked it.
Savvy couldn't help but smile, "I know that it can't always turn out this good, but it was an amazing experience. Nerve wracking, tense, and a little scary, if I'm being honest." Crossing her legs, "While I know I'm not required to leave my cave too often, I'd really like to learn some self-defense, you know, incase."
Emily chuckled a bit, happy that Savanah had a realistic understanding of the field, and that she didn't romanticize it. "That's a great idea." Pulling up the FBI classes, "I will get you signed in; you can start next week." It wasn't a bad idea having everyone on the team at least trained on some defense skills, not that she thought Savvy would need it in her job, but if the last couple of months taught her anything, you never know.
"Really? Thank you!" Feeling a little excited about her training, while she never wanted to have to use it, it was something that Pen said she wished she took the time to learn since it was offered to her for free. Looking up, she could see the sadness in Emily's eyes, there wasn't anything that she could really do about what had happened in court.
"So, I had an idea, but I need your go ahead." She said, her fingers fidgeting with the button on her dress.
"That doesn't sound good." Looking over at her, Emily could see her nerves, "Tell me. Whatever it is, Savvy, you can trust me."
Clearing her throat, "I know. You're awesome." Taking a deep breath, "Peter Lewis isn't using the normal highways on the internet, he's deep in the Dark Net. I don't know how you would or could, but if there was a way for you to give me the go ahead, I could dive deep into that world." Savvy watched as her brown eyes went wide, "I'm not saying it could, but it's probably the only way to possibly track him before he resurfaces with his next plan."
Emily stared at her, "You do realize, that going into that world, it's a dark place, and I can't protect you from what you're going to see." Reaching across her desk, taking ahold of her hands, "Savvy, are you sure you want to do this?" As much as she wanted that man in custody, she wasn't willing to risk Savanah for it.
Savanah squeezed her hand, "Emily, you, this team, have become my family. There isn't anything one of you wouldn't do for your family, this is what I can do for mine." Sighing, "I will continuously keep you apprised, I will set up a secure server that only you and someone that you trust can access, and" holding up her wrist, "I designed this bracelet, it's a tracker." Extending her hand, "If you give me your phone, I can put a code in that no one can access, not even Peter Lewis, so if the need arises, you can find me."
Sliding her phone over, "Do that to all our phones, I'll be the only one with the ability to track you, but make sure our lines are secure so that he can't see what we are doing." Emily watched as she uploaded her program, "Savvy, do not speak of this to anyone, just me. Not Garcia, not Luke, no one, you understand?"
Handing her back her phone, Savvy just nodded, "I swear, no one." Running her fingers through her hair, "Alright, I guess we need to set the parameters, so that we do this by the book, right?" Knowing that from this point on, everything that she did to track the man that was attacking her team, needed to be done within the confines of the law because there was no way she was going to let that man escape.
Luke found himself staring up at the ceiling of his apartment, Roxy lying next to him, grateful for her companionship. Unfortunately, his mind kept going back to Savvy's face as she left Emily's office, it was somewhere between satisfied and terrified. Like the rest of the team, they all asked what was wrong, but Emily quickly shut them down, telling them she was tasked with a special assignment from up above.
It shouldn't have upset him, but he was pissed, not that she was being tapped for things, her skills were becoming invaluable to the BAU, but that she wasn't able to discuss it with him. He tried to play it off for months that she was just a friend, a co-worker, but he knew that he cared for her deeply. Closing his eyes, he couldn't help but feel a tinge of fear, the last time someone he cared for did a special assignment, he almost lost his partner.
Feeling Roxy nudge his fingers, chucking a bit at her need for his attention. "I know girl, I'm worried about her too." He knew that he didn't have any right to be upset, worried, or anything really, but he cared deeply about the woman. Rolling onto his side, Luke pulled out his phone, his finger hovering over her name, tempted to just call her but what the hell would he be calling her for? "Fuck." Tossing it to the side, he rubbed Roxy, "I can handle the Rangers, hunting the most dangerous people in the world, but some 5'3 computer geek has me tripping." He couldn't help but laugh when she licked his cheek, "Thanks, that's helpful."
Luke knew that something needed to change with him, he either needed to man up and tell the girl that he wanted to date her, or he needed to try dating someone else. However, the thought of that just upset him, looking at Roxy, "OK, once we deal with this Reid shit, I'm going to ask her out." He said to her, which earned him another lick. Getting up, Luke quickly showered, brushed his teeth, and threw on some boxers, jumping into bed, his last thought before he let his mind shut down was how she looked clinging to his arm as they chased down the suspect.
Stephen found himself outside of Savanah's home, his eyes took in her property, it was well maintained, well lit, but it was the glow in the dark pebbles that captivated him. They gave off a blue hue, following their path it led up to a cute water feature. It was a true reflection of who she was as a person, organized, playful, and more importantly happy. Making his way up to her door, his eyes smiling at the cute little red door it was inviting.
Knocking, smirking a bit when she answered so quickly, her hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, but it was her clothes, yoga pants and tank top. "You are always so put together at work; this is an interesting side to you." He said, enjoying how her cheeks blushed a bit.
Stepping aside, Savvy let the man into her house, Emily told her before she left the office that Stephen was working a different angle on Peter Lewis, and that they would be coordinating their findings together. However, she felt it would be better done off campus, too many prying eyes, too many questions, and for now she wanted it to be as insulated as possible. Leading him to her living room, "Would you like something to drink? I have water, beer, lemonade." Looking over at him, she found him looking over her house, "Are you profiling me?" she asked, a little curious about what her life said to him.
Chuckling a bit, "Sorry, habit. Water would be perfect." Seeing the pictures on the wall, somewhere just landscapes, but most were pictures of who he assumed were family, friends from her life.
Placing his water down on the coaster, "So, tell me SSA Walker, what does my living room reveal to you?" she asked as she plopped down on her couch.
Stephen took a sip, his eyes locked onto hers, "Just like the outside of your home, you're an organized person, but not obsessively so, it is warm and inviting," pointing to the landscape picture, "you do, however, crave a little adventure, but that's nothing abnormal." Turning to the pictures on the wall, and the few that were on the coffee table, "you have a lot of friends in your life, you seem to have a decent relationship with your family, but you also have grown to include the BAU as your family." Pointing to the picture that had the entire team before Penelope and Hotchner left. "So, profile says, you're a pretty happy person, well balanced, able to have strong relationships with the people around you."
Sipping her lemonade, Savvy couldn't help but snort, "Well, I guess that's better than giving off some psycho vibes." Pulling out her laptop, she could see that he was chuckling, "Alright, Mr. Profiler, let's get down to business, because I'm more than ready to bring Hotch home, and put that monster behind high prison walls, perhaps a dark site deep in a mountain where he could never hurt another person again."
"Why not go a little further, send him to North Korea." He said only half joking.
Raising her eyebrow, "Tempting, but with his skills, the powers of evil there would use him, so I'd rather he be stuck here, where I can keep a close eye on him." Crossing her legs, she settled in to input all his findings and research that he had already accumulated.
He watched in great interest as she built their secure server, he knew that she was skilled, but this was some deep level shit, "How were you not scooped up long before the BAU?" he asked her.
Without taking her eyes off the screen, she let out a small sigh, "My dad. He's a good man, loving, but when I started showing aptitude for this stuff, I think he panicked." Smiling as she watched the firewall go up, the only way past this now was with the Pentagon servers bombarding it. Looking up she found Stephen watching her, "So, as I skipped grades, got scholarships, he was adamant I go into more of the development side, he didn't want me to see the bad in the world."
Leaning forward, "So, how does he feel now that you are working with the FBI?" He asked her, a little curious about that dynamic.
Savanah couldn't help but frown a bit, "He hates it, he's trying in his own way to be supportive, but it's a daily struggle for him. My mom, she's happy but nervous about what I'm doing and seeing, but she knows that I'm happy." Placing down her computer, "It's strange, I watched him rush off into fires as a kid, he never buckled or let fear take over, but it's like he can't understand why I would want to help." Moving some of her hair that fell in front of her face, "The last couple of months have been a little strained, but he's slowly coming around. Very slowly."
Stephen could see that it was hard on her not being as close to her dad as she once was, but she wasn't going to let that stop her from following her own path. "Well, best advice anyone could give, time is the only thing that will heal. And of course, open lines of communication."
"Yeah, I make it a point to call every couple of days, go to a dinner with them at least twice a month, depending on how our cases are. Things are a bit more difficult, but he's trying to be supportive, and when I am talking about my job, he does take an interest. So, it could be worse." While she missed being able to have a far more open dialogue with her dad, she knew that it was going to take some time, especially when he kept looking at her as though she was a little girl.
Patting her knee, "Like I said, you're a pretty well-balanced person." Looking at his watch, "It's that time Savanah, if you find anything, you'll upload it into the server?" he asked her as he moved to stand.
Nodding, standing up she cracked her back, "Yes, please do the same, so that we can keep an accurate log of information, and I can run down your leads in the Dark Net." Opening her door, "Have a good night, Stephen." Chucking a bit when he gave her small hug.
"Night, Savanah, together, we're going to bring this monster in." With a final wave, he made his way to his SUV, ready to go home and see his wife.
Shutting the door, Savanah locked the house down, hitting a few keys on her alarm system, pleased to know that she double checked the codes before she attempted this. While someone might assume that she was being a bit paranoid, Peter Lewis was a smart, dangerous man, there was no way she way she wasn't going to secure her life as best she could. Hell, she even suspended her social media accounts, until he was caught, there was no reason to give him access to anything in her or the team's lives.
Making her way to her room, grateful that she was able to shower and shave before Stephen got here. Throwing herself on the bed, she pulled her pillow close to her chest, her mind racing towards the man that she has been crushing on the moment he stepped into the BAU. Shaking her head clear, that was not going to happen, guys like Luke did not pick nerdy girls like her, they chose women like JJ, or hell Pen, but shy girls like her, well they were always the friend. Exhaling slowly, closing her eyes, she let her brain shut off and soon darkness pulled her under.
Staring at the information on his computer, it took all his self-control not to chuck it into the god damn wall. How the hell were they able to block all their phones? It had to be their new tech analyst; this Savanah Knight was a formidable opponent. Opening another search engine, if he couldn't get to her team, perhaps he would be able to get to her or even better her family, but as he hit enter, it seemed that she put intense roadblocks up, so she was protecting her family. "Interesting."
Shutting his computer, there was no way he wanted to take the time to attempt to break through those walls, while he was certain that with enough time, he could do that, all he'd really need to do was start building a supercomputer, but that would take months, and depending on what she did to lay traps up to a year. There was no way that he was going to wait a year to get his hands on Aaron Hotchner and his bastard son. Right now, he had the element of surprise, so he didn't have to rush anything, but if he didn't act quickly, their big brained doctor would eventually get cleared of all those charges, and that was someone he knew had the best chance of out thinking him.
Opening his laptop, Peter cracked his knuckles, "OK, where to bring you once I have you?" he muttered to himself. Several hours passed, but eventually he settled in a quaint little warehouse. "Perfect." It was big enough for him to create a wonderful image. Leaning back, his mind running a million miles a minute, he seemed to like the idea of making her think that she was injured, unable to move, truly scare her into compliance, and once he broke her down, she would reveal anything and everything she knew on Hotch's location.
Rubbing his hands together, perhaps as a reward for all her help, he'd keep her alive long enough to watch him break Hotch down. Turning his eye to the picture that he had of the boy and his father, "You failed me when you didn't kill your team, but don't worry, I'm going to get you to kill that kid of yours." Closing his eyes, he couldn't help but imagine it, Hotch standing over Jack's body, his throat slit or perhaps having him gut his own child, but that was details he could work out later. All he knew was that after, he would let Hotch's mind come back down off his meds, just long enough so that he could see the mess he made. Shivering at the thought, he knew that would break him, that would be the thing that drove him mad, and that was something that he was counting on, almost more than his next breath.