Campus
Steve was angry, Valerie hadn't shown up at the party. He went to look for Brandon and saw him in a corner getting drinks for him and Kelly.
"Where is Valerie?"
Brandon shrugged his shoulders "She had said she would come, she also got dressed"
"I'll tell you where she is" Steve was enraged "she is in David's bed and I'm stupid that I got convinced by you."
"C'on Steve...maybe she'll come, I don't know, I came from Kelly's house."
Steve grimaced with his face and then walked away hitting Brandon with one shoulder.
'What's going on?' Kelly had witnessed the whole scene from afar.
"I convinced him to invite Valerie to the party... but she's not there"
Kelly would have liked to say what she really thought but the promise she had made to Brandon became a priority.
"Could she be at David's?"
"Honestly I don't know"
"No, it's not from David," Kelly said, looking at the door's house, "David is here, and he's alone."
David was coming in through the door, he was alone, and he was looking for Steve, for a week he had tried to talk to him without success. Steve had locked himself in the Keg and had rarely been shown outside, even less had he answered the phone. The only way to see him was to face him exactly where he knew he could find him. At the party.
Brandon immediately noticed that David was looking for Steve and feared the latter's reaction, followed him with his eyes, but it was Steve who found him. He grabbed David from the lapel of his shirt.
"What are you doing here? I don't remember we invited you"
The crowd widened around them and Kelly and Donna were getting scared by what was happening. David still had the bruise of the fist that Steve had already inflicted on him.
He was now standing, against a wall crushed by Steve holding him by the lapel.
"Can we talk, Steve?"
"I have no intention l"
"Hei" Brandon and D'Shawn had already approached "Steve you're giving show, let him go"
Steve seemed deaf to any of Brandon's appeal so D'Shawn shifted him by weight.
"I want to talk to you," David said, looking Steve in the eye, "we've been friends for too long for that."
"Why don't we go out," Brandon tried to say.
Steve's only relief was that if David was there with them he couldn't be certain with Valerie.
"Okay, let's go out," Steve agreed.
Dylan's house.
Valerie had stopped at Dylan's house, she hadn't seen each other around in days. Valerie knew what it meant to live on the edge of a ravine.
What did it mean to look down.
Dylan opened the door and was strangely enthusiastic, it was evident that he had taken something.
"I had a memorable day," he said, showing Valerie some money.
Dylan got caught up in enthusiasm, showed Valerie the money by grabbing her with his hands and kissing her on the neck.
"I feel like having healthy sex," he said, putting his hands on her thighs.
Valerie was in an uncomfortable position, maybe it had been a mistake to go to Dylan that night.
At that moment she noticed the bullets that were resting on the coffee table.
"Dylan what are you doing with those bullets.."
Dylan wiped his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. He was hyperactive and agitated.
"I need them for the gun"
Valerie was evidently scared, she didn't like guns, not since what had happened to her father.
"And what are you doing with the gun?"
"I need it to put the bullets on it"
Valerie pulled herself up from the couch in alarm.
"Dylan you know my father shot himself."
He immediately got nervous " what did you come to do here, this is the first beautiful day that has happened to me in months and I don't feel like hearing your whining. Come on, go to your stupid party and your idiot friends."
Dylan got up and went to open the door to his house.
"Come on, go away" Dylan kept a naughty look.
Valerie got up, she wanted to leave, after all Dylan wasn't her problem, it was Brenda who asked her to keep him under control. To let her know about him. He hadn't asked anyone else, only her, because she trusted her.
"Get out, go to Jim's"
"Dylan the Walshs are very worried about you and love you," Valerie replied.
"Ah they love me, but when I was out with their daughter I was evil"
"Is that what you reproach them Dylan? To be the cause of the end of your story with Brenda?"
Warm breath came out of Dylan's nostrils, the heroine was in circulation along with the beer and for the first time Valerie's question went around his brain. Was that why he was so mad at the Walshs? Not for the scam, Jim had actually tried to warn him, it wasn't for the millions of dollars he had lost for his stupidity, but for Brenda?
"I.. " stammered Dylan "I don't want to talk about Brenda and I don't want to talk to you, you went to spy everything to the Walshs, Jim was here"
"I live in their house and they asked me a million questions"
"I told you" Dylan replied "reply orders like Brenda did, in fact no, Brenda had the balls to leave"
Valerie began to feel the pressure and tears rise and get wedged between her eyelashes.
"I'm not Brenda, I'll never be Brenda, stop talking about Brenda"
Dylan immediately took the opportunity to hurt Valerie because deep down he was hurt too"
"No," Dylan replied, "you're not Brenda, but you'd really want to be, sleep in Brenda's bed, you took Brenda's parents, and Brenda's brother too, the whole all-inclusive package"
Valerie felt she couldn't stop her tears anymore, she took a few steps forward.
" what's wrong with this?" She asked, helpless and in tears.
Dylan watched Valerie for a few moments and realized that behind that irregular girl there was some fragile, frightened woman.
"Nothing," Dylan sighed, taking Valerie in his arms, "There's nothing wrong with that."
Valerie let herself go in Dylan's arms. She was tired of that armor she forced herself to wear so as not to feel the pain, the fear.
Campus
Steve and David had sat on the wall. From afar you could hear the music, the cries, the laughter of the party.
David kept his head down while Steve could look at him.
The anger for Valerie had actually fallen asleep, but the disappointment with what his friend had done, for having done it secretly, had not subsided.
He was reminded of Brenda, what she had experienced when Dylan and Kelly revealed after months what they were doing and what they had done.
In his heart Steve was sorry for Brenda who was left alone while everyone else chose the path of indifference, chose to sacrifice her so as not to break all the balance.
"I'm sorry Steve for what happened" David interrupted Steve's thoughts.
"Yes, me too," he replied, "I didn't expect such a thing from you. I thought we were friends"
"We are," David replied forcefully, "we are friends...it's just that she...there's something about her"
Steve laughed at the irony "Yeah. I Know"
"I couldn't stop, I spent years begging for sex with Donna, longing for it.. years of frustration, I loved her but I couldn't wait any longer, then Ariel came... but Valerie, she made It natural, hot, spontaneous, beautiful, and became addicted to her."
David looked at Steve "I'm sorry I hurt you"
Steve was angry with David, but that anger was suddenly overcome by something else, by something different.
"Never do something like that to me again David.. never again or I wouldn't know how to get over it"
David nodded.
"As for Valerie," Steve concluded, "I give up, you can choose what's best for you, and what you want.."
'Seriously?'
"I'm better than you," Steve laughed.
Steve held out his hand to David and he squeezed it. he slept with Valerie too. Steve kept the secret. It Washington enough.
It seemed like a very nice moment to David, very far from when he damaged Steve's Corvette, since he didn't even want to hear his voice.
"Let's go..." Steve said, "there's still a party."
Walsh house
Valerie came in on tiptoe, she had been late and hadn't gone to the party.
She hoped Brandon was still at the party or fell asleep or spent the night at Kelly's.
"Is that so? Do you tiptoe in and hope that none of us notice?" Said Brandon who was waiting for her in the kitchen.
Valerie closed her eyes. She knew that Brandon had begged everyone a little for them to give her another chance and not showing up at the party had not been a right move.
"Believe me, I wanted to come to the party"
"But did your car take you elsewhere?"
Valerie placed her handbag on the table at the entrance and took a few steps towards Brandon.
"Brandon, believe me I'm sorry it's just that..."
"I really prayed to anyone especially Steve that you would still be part of the group."
"I know"
"The only thing I asked you was to come to the party and instead you come back at two in the morning from you don't know where, I don't even know why I worry, maybe because I would like others to see you as I see you."
"I went to Dylan's," Valerie revealed.
"Dylan... great... "
Valerie was looking for words in a hurry.
"You don't understand," she told him.
"No, I don't get it , you're right," Brandon replied.
"Brenda had asked me to figure out how he was doing, what was happening to him and that's exactly what I'm trying to do"
Brandon remained silent for a few seconds. His relationships with Dylan were almost non-existent, he had isolated himself from everything and Brandon had not been able to talk to him anymore, Dylan refused any contact and Brandon did not know if it was because of Kelly, he was not sure actually, it seemed that he had more to do with him directly.
"And how is he?' Brandon asked, lowering his voice.
"He's sick.. he's slipping lower and lower.. he drinks and also takes heroin."
'Heroin?'
"Yes..." sigh Valerie "lost all his money, lost Brenda, lost you, lost yout family and now he started playing with a gun"
'What gun?'
"He has a gun, he says he almost shot you last year"
"I thought he threw it away"
"No... he didn't throw it away. He polishes her all the time.."
Brandon was troubled by the presence of the gun and Dylan in those conditions. He went to him so many Times at his door, he had done it often, at least at the beginning, without getting an answer.
He long believed that Dylan was angry because of Kelly, then because he had lost his money, perhaps because of Brenda's departure.
For the first time in those months, Brandon realized Dylan's amplified loneliness, how his life changed in a short time and without fault.
Dylan's abandonment syndrome had presented itself as a frightening monster.
Brandon's clear eyes were looking at Valerie but they weren't really looking at her.
They were going further.
"I have to go," he said, taking his jacket.
"Are you going to Dylan's?" She asked.
"Yes," Brandon replied.
"Can I come?"
"No" Brandon looked at Valerie for a moment then closed the door behind him.
Party House.
Donna had danced with D Shawn all night, she liked that guy but had actually waited for Ray to come in the door.
She liked Ray better.
He was mysterious, he had that way of speaking almost whispered, his love for music that she certainly shared.
What she liked the least was his irascibleness but like all people attracted to Ulysses' mermaid, Donna couldn't see the giant red flags around what shone in her eyes.
D'Shawn noticed that Donna was distracted.
"Are you looking for Brandon and the others?"
Donna nodded and knowing she was lying.
"Brandon and Kelly I saw them leave more than twenty minutes ago, David and Steve were talking outside" D Shawn smiled at her " shall we go outside and get some fresh air?" He asked.
Donna nodded again.'
They went out.
They began to walk holding hands and sat away from the eyes of others.
They began to kiss more and more intensely.
Donna let herself go into D Shawn's arms, he didn't make her think, neither about David nor Ray, but wasn't that the point? She thought of anyone but D'shawn.
The kiss deepened, they lay down on the grass and in a short time his hands explored her body.
Donna knew the point of no return well, so as soon as D Shawn's hands began to touch her inner thigh she jumped up ..
"No," she said.
'What's going on?'
"Nothing," she said, pulling down her shirt to cover her breasts.
'Donna?'
'Yes?' She replied.
"I would like to know where you and I are at"
"What do you mean?"
D Shawn ran his hands in his beard.
"I mean, we've been dating for a while, and it seems to me that we're fine, that we're having fun, I'd like to know if we're together, if we're going somewhere together."
Donna put herself on the defensive "do you mean sex?"
"Among other things.." said D shawn
Donna cleared her voice.
"D Shawn I don't want to have sex before marriage, I know it's a hard thing to understand, frustrating for those who don't believe, but I believe and I'm not going to give in on this point."
D Shawn pulled himself up too, and pulled up the zip of his pants.
The erection he had just had disappeared behind Donna's reluctance.
"You're right," he said, "it's frustrating"
Donna looked at him with her big eyes.
"I believe that only those who really love can wait," said D Shawn, "and I don't think I'm at that point."
D Shawn looked her in the eye and Donna felt a sense of loneliness but also of gratitude towards D Shawn, he had not tried to pretend what he was not.
"We can stay friends," she said.
D Shawn grimaced with his face, a broken smile.
"Of course," he replied, he had enough " come, I'll take you home if you want or do you want to go back to the party?"
"At home," Donna replied.
She was sad but also relieved. SHe tried to enjoy every minute towards the beach house with D Shawn, imagining that one day maybe he would get it.
She thought of Ray that he hadn't shown up.
To David who secretly fucked Valerie while she imagined romantic scenarios of returning with him.
How stupid, she said to herself.
Mackay House.
Brandon knew where Dylan kept the spare keys, raised the carpet and found the silver key in the usual place.
He unlocked the door.
Since that evening, after the charity event, he had not been in Dylan's house, and the situation had worsened considerably. Dirty dishes, dirty clothes. Dylan had collapsed on the couch, one arm covering his face.
Brandon saw the gun on the coffee table along with the bullets and sharp cocaine on a small plate. There were bullet holes in the chair and on the cabinet in front of it. A glass shattered.
Dylan must have shot some monster in the house that only he saw.
Where did his friend go? His brother? Who was the person who was in front of him at the time?
He tried to wake Dylan up and had to insist a lot until he woke up.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" A furious and groggy Dylan replied.
"Dylan you need help"
"I don't need anything and definitely not from you.. "
Dylan wiped his face with his shirt.
"Did you come to lecture me, Brandon?"
"I know what Suzanne and Kevin did to you but life didn't end there.."
"No.. " he replied laughing bad "what do you know about life? You are the most cuddled person in the world, you live with yours, you have everything you want"
"Hei.." Brandon replied "I work hard for my goals, I don't have a Porsche parked in the driveway of the house and having a family behind me is not a fault"
Dylan got angry and lost control.
"Your sister had the balls to leave and just to never see you again she went to another continent"
"Maybe she left so she wouldn't see you anymore, have you ever thought about what you did to her, Dylan?"
Dylan shut up and Brandon regretted what he had just told him, if having a family behind him wasn't a fault, it wasn't even not having a family"
The two looked at each other as if they didn't know each other at all and Brandon had gone there just to help him, to try to understand.
"Get out of my house!" Dylan shouted..
"Dylan at this point I might be the only friend you have left..." Brandon tried to answer.
"Friends, what friends, I don't have friends.." Dylan looked around and looked for his gun that was gone.
"Where is my gun"
When Brandon turned around he saw her tucked into his pants.
"Give me back my gun"
"I'm here to help you, Dylan"
"I don't want anyone's help"
"I'm your friend"
"May the bridges I burn light my way," Dylan said with inflamed eyes.
"And now get out! I said out!!" Dylan dropped himself on the couch as Brandon walked out the door.
Brandon came back after a few minutes. He couldn't cut that wire. He really couldn't leave him alone.
He saw him helpless on the couch, collapsed under the weight of his loneliness, of his monsters, found a chair and sat down to watch over him, Brandon was afraid that Dylan might disappear at any moment in that black chasm that was swallowing him.
A few hours later Dylan woke up, his head hurt, it pulsed, it was midnight. He saw Brandon asleep in the chair, he didn't want to leave him alone, and this somehow partly crumbled the wall he was building.
He went to the bathroom and pulled another bit of cocaine with his nose.
Brenda. He thought of her.
Did Brenda really leave so she wouldn't see him anymore?
What did the others know about him and Brenda.
Of his summer in London.
Of how he had asked for help without being able to really ask for it.
Dylan looked in the mirror and realized what he was becoming.
He rinsed his face and took the car keys.
He tried not to wake Brandon and left the house.
He began to drive, his eyes closed, his fears increased, in front of him only Brenda's face, which perhaps he would never see again.
Brandon was right, maybe she had left so she didn't have to see him throwing away what they had been together.
The speed increased, the cocaine had taken away all limits, death awaited him behind every corner.
He turned off the headlights, to see the darkness up close, turned them back on in a dangerous and fast game.
Brenda, Brenda, Brenda.
At the last corner his strength was lost.
The car didn't turn, he didn't even try to brake.
The impact was frightening.
Dylan jumped into the dark, the same dark he wanted to see so closely.
London
Brenda suddenly woke up. She woke up sweaty and scared as if someone was tearing her heart out at the time.
Daniel slept next to her while her eyes were barred.
"Everything is fine!?" He asked him awakened by her movements.
"Yes," she replied with little conviction.
Yes, she sighed.
Brenda tried to calm her breath. She ran a hand through her hair, saw the sun high out of the closed shutters.
Dylan, she thought.