After Mika and Bose fell off, they stayed clear of each for an entire week, and there was too much hurt, rancor, and repentance.
They didn't let it affect Isadora's right to see another parent as Mika and Bose communicated through their own parents. Three days during that week, one of Mika's parents would bring Isadora to Bose, and before the night would end, one of Bose's parents would bring Isadora back to Mika. However, the small child did miss being with both her parents at the same time. Bose distracted himself from Mika by picking up an extra shift and chunking down practically a gallon of coffee each day.
As for Mika, she was more miserable. What if she was going to feel this way forever? Every day was the same thing, life moved slower, and colors lost their vibrance. The only time she would feel somewhat better was when Isadora was near with that toothy grin on her precious face. Her eyes had grown red and puffy from salty tears. Her hair was a tangled nest of curls, and she hadn't showered in days.
Just yesterday, she was on the phone with Chapa, who was aboard in London, by the way. About a year ago, Mika and Chapa applied for an internship for BBC News in London. Neither of them was interested in journalism, but they jumped at it when they saw that it was an all-expense paid opportunity.
They figured it would be amazing to spend a couple of months in London exploring, eating food, and making new friends whose British accents they could imitate. They really didn't expect to get accepted, but they did. They were over the moon planning everything they were going to do. It was such an exciting moment, and they vowed to make the most of it.
But, life had a different plan for Mika, it seemed. Chapa told Mika she wouldn't go if Mika needed her to stay, that it wouldn't be the same. Mika wasn't going to let her miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime chance for her. After constant pushing, it was a deadset that Chapa would go and have fun for the both of them.
Anyways, as Mika was on the phone with Chapa, she listened to the girl go on and on about how lively and refreshing it was to be away from Swellview. In the background, she heard some of Chapa's new friends being exuberant and causing Chapa to laugh. Mika was happy for her, so happy that she envied Chapa. It was supposed to be them. Mika pulled the sweater she was wearing closer to her because the patio was getting chilly, and she wondered what the weather in London was like.
Chapa noticed the dryness in Mika's tone and asked her if she was okay. Mika denied not being okay. Luckily, the subject changed, and Chapa started asking about the baby. "Adora is great! Not to brag or anything, but she's definitely the cutest baby ever. And she's growing up so fast. Like slow down, we have 18 more years to go," Mika heavily sighed with a small curl on her lips. "I bet she is, don't forget to send me lots of pictures of her," Chapa added, and Mika ensured she wouldn't.
The call ended when Chapa informed her that she was going clubbing and needed to get ready. Mika wished her luck and quickly ended the call before her ears started internally bleeding from the joyful laughter. When she hung up, Mika looked around her to find that the street lights had turned on even though there were 20 minutes left before sunset. The sound of crickets filled the air, and a quiet rustle could be heard. Mika bit her lower lip anxiously.
She took a seat on one of the chairs and let the cool air blow her face. Then she smiled or at least tried to. She kept forcing, hoping that it would feel real, that she could smile through the subtle suffering. Mika felt like she had no one, not Chapa, not her parents, not even Bose now.
)
The current day, it didn't get any better. Mika's soul was a zombie wandering in her body. Mika sat on the living room couch sulking, while Isadora rolled around on the floor as little as she could on a blanket surrounded with toys. Isadora was content as Mika could tell from her infant noises.
Mika's mom entered the living room through the back door. She just came back from a run and went into the kitchen to get some water when she saw Mika.
Angela sighed, her words ringing in her head, 'Physically and emotionally you will be alone, we will not babysit, we will not change diapers, we will not keep up with the feeding schedule, and we will not wake up in the middle of the night for any crying,'. She and Herm kept their promise and didn't give her the support they were supposed to as her parents, but a fair amount. Still, she empathized with her. Being a first-time mom is laborious.
Mika didn't sense her presence, so she was startled when Angela asked her if she was okay. Mika didn't have the energy to roll her eyes. She'd be a billionaire by now If she got a penny for any time, someone asked her if she was okay.
Mika nodded, still staring off into space. Angela came to sit down next to her, but Mika didn't want to get into it, so she replied, "It's just the hormones,". "I said the same thing," Angela sighed. Mika swallowed and wiped some tears that were threatening to spill. Angela rubbed Mika's arm and made Mika look at her, "This happens, and i know right now you think it's never going to get better but postpartum depression is just a phase, nearly every woman goes through it their first couple of months,".
Mika pushed loose strands of hair out her face as she sniffled, " But why? I should be happy, i wanted to be a Mom, it was my choice,".
" Well, think about it a year ago you had your entire life planned out, you were gonna go to Yale, become a doctor or scientist or something that pays a lot, travel, and whatever else your heart desired," Angela continued, "but that didn't happen. You had a child, your life had this huge unexpected turn, and now your priorities have changed,".
Mika waited for her to make her point as to why she was so down in the gutter. "As terrifying as it sounds, When you become a Mom or Dad, your life stops being about you, and you start to grieve what your life was like before, who you were. And now that you are a mom, nothing in this world will ever change that. You're always going to be one, and there is no turning back," Angela rationalized.
"Wow, thanks. I feel so much better," Mika sarcastically said, rubbing her eyebags.
Angela laughed and summarized what she meant, "Okay what I'm trying to get at here is that your mindset is learning to adapt, it's learning to make do with what your life has become and leave behind who you were,".
"Yeah, I bet it is," Mika rasped.
Angela studied Mika's exhausted appearance, and an idea came to mind, "You know what might help, doing something symbolic to what I just told you."
"Which is?" Mika asked while fixing her sitting position when Angela got up and reached her hand out for her to take.