1. Remus

I was still a mess and wearing Fred's clothes when the letter arrived.

The owl tapped on the window at breakfast time, and every head at the table turned towards the sound. Molly and Arthur, Ron and Hermione, Harry and Ginny, and George. We had all been on edge since the first letter had arrived from the Ministry a week before, announcing the Marriage Law that would require every witch and wizard between eighteen and forty to be married and "replenish the magical population." The owl outside the window–another Ministry bird–would, we knew, be carrying the letters containing our options. Four names, printed neatly on thick Ministry parchment, addressed to each of us.

After the initial shock, everybody had sunken into a dreary anxiety, Harry staying close to Ginny and Ron staying close to Hermione, George and I avoiding each other. Trying to delay the inevitable. But when Mr. Weasley stood and let the owl into the room, everyone's desire to lunge at the bird and tear free their letters was palpable.

With shaking hands, Mr. Weasley handed out the envelopes. "Perhaps we should all open them at the same time," Hermione said. But George was already ripping his open, and soon the room was silent but for the sound of paper.

My hands were surprisingly steady. I felt quite numb to the whole situation, actually. Fred had been the only one I would ever want to be with. It didn't matter which names were enclosed inside the envelope. None of them would compare to the one I would never say again without an accompanying agony in my chest.

I opened the letter and skipped over the written introduction to the short list at the bottom.

Neville Longbottom

Remus Lupin

Draco Malfoy

Severus Snape

Harry and Ginny were embracing, and so were Ron and Hermione. From the relieved expressions on their faces I knew that they had all found their loved one's name in their letter. George had a doubtful look on his face, and when he sensed my gaze he lifted his eyes to me. But we could only hold contact for a moment before the reminder of our shared loss took hold, and we had to look away again.

The ministry gave us two weeks to decide. George sent letters incessantly for the first two days, and on the third he apparated to meet somebody. I received a prompt letter from Neville saying he was going to marry Luna, and from Draco informing me that he was "not at liberty" to take my hand. I had no letters from Severus, which I'd expected, and none from Remus either.

I largely ignored the problem at hand for the first week, rarely looking at the letter. It wasn't hard. I hadn't thought or cared much about anything since May, when the war had ended.

Only after I'd squandered the first week did Mrs. Weasley approach me.

"Wilma," she said. "Are you anywhere close to a decision? Have you gotten any more letters?"

I shook my head, and worry filled her eyes. I knew how precious the past week had been, but honestly didn't care. My adoptive mother must have seen the numbness in my eyes, for a familiar fire flared up in hers. She held my wrist, making sure I listened.

"What about Remus? Why don't you pay him a visit, if he doesn't want to write. If he hasn't by now then he won't, and he certainly won't come here. Everything's a matter of pride with him."

I didn't quite agree, but didn't say anything. Fred's voice was speaking to me in my head.

Hate to say it, Willa, but you should do what mum says. Since when are you the passive one?

I promised Molly I would go the next day, and then escaped to my room to cry.

I felt like a ghost as I apparated to the tiny village of Eddleston and walked down the rural road to Remus's cottage. It was a dreary and cold day in the second week of October. A safe distance from the full moon, which had fallen on the fifth of the month. The road was totally empty, only fields stretching out on either side, and woods further away.

For the first time in months I was wearing my own clothes. It would have been insensitive to show up to propose to someone wearing your dead lover's holey t-shirt. My thin coat hardly kept out the cold, but I didn't care to cast a warming charm. My magic had lately been unreliable, and anyway I wanted to feel the wind.

It was at least forty minutes before I spotted the grey stone cottage. Just a glimpse of it was afforded from the road as it bent into the woods. I would have to walk across the field to reach it. Where witches and wizards had gone after the war was very telling. Some had congregated in cities or around the ruin of Hogwarts, desperate for community and connection. Others had retreated, and hadn't been heard from in a long time, though they were known to be alive. It was obvious that Remus was one of the latter. Guilt weighed me down as I walked through the gate and shut it behind me, stepping into the field. I knew what it was like to want to be left alone.

It had rained recently, and the earth yielded under my boots. There were no lights on in the house, no smoke trailing from the chimney. A row of trees stood at the windward side of the house, protecting it from the gales, and they whispered as I approached.

He didn't seem to be home. I knocked on the door, peered into the windows, and walked around the side of the house. Behind it was a one-tree field with a long and crumbling stone wall that sloped down to the ancient pine woods. Remus was sitting under the tree, staring off into the distance, the wooded hills, the darkness there. His figure seemed so solitary and sad that I nearly changed my mind, turned around and went back the way I'd come. But then a rough wind raked through my hair and he turned his head and saw me.

Molly had made this sound like a reasonable idea, but now I wasn't so sure. Even from that distance his eyes looked dark and forbidding. I had known Remus first as my professor and then as a fellow member of the Order, but I didn't quite recognize the man who looked at the ground as he stood and made his way to me, hands in his pockets.

"Sky looks like rain," he said, barely stopping to acknowledge me. "Let's go inside."

The odour of alcohol hit me like a wave the moment we entered the house. I was shocked for a moment–I'd thought he'd been raising Teddy alone–but then I realised that the little boy was probably staying with his grandmother Andromeda. I felt the pity in my eyes as I watched Remus move into the kitchen, and quickly looked away when he turned to me, hoping he hadn't seen it.

"Tea?" he said.

I nodded, making a poor attempt at a smile. Have to do better than that, the laughing voice said. The dead voice.

"Haven't got any milk," said Remus.

"That's alright."

He gestured to a small round table. "Please."

I took a seat in a heavy wooden chair, and watched him while he put the kettle on. After a few seconds he wandered off to another room, and part of me thought he might never come back. It would have been fair.

After a painful minute he reappeared. His eyes were grey and exhausted, but at least they were looking at me.

"Cut to the chase, shall we?" he said. "Who else was in your letter?"

"Neville, Draco, Snape," I said. "Neville and Draco are already spoken for, and no word from Snape. What about yours?"

"Burned it."

"That's not an answer."

"I'd prefer not to tell."

"Fair enough."

The kettle was warbling. He took two cups from a cabinet and poured the steaming water into them.

"Why didn't you write?" I asked.

"I assumed your list was more…"

"I'd rather you than Severus."

"Really? Rather the werewolf over the war hero?"

I didn't know what to say to that. He brought over the tea and when he set the cup down in front of me I flinched a little at the sound. A deeply sad look entered his face, and quickly hid itself.

I realised that my reaction had been misread. "I'm not afraid of you," I told him.

He muttered something under his breath, but I didn't ask him to speak up. I had a feeling I didn't want to know. He kept his distance, leaning by the sink rather than joining me at the table.

"It would be a miserable existence for you," he said. "Waiting for me after the full moons. I have a temper. My body hurts most of the time." I just looked at him. My own list of bad traits was one to rival his. "You're aware that the point of the law is for the new couples to produce children."

He lifted his cup to his lips and I watched him wince as the scalding tea went down.

I couldn't help my response. "That's a cynical way of saying it."

"It's the truth."

I stared down at my tea, a tight, unpleasant heat rising in my throat. I thought I might cry. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I think I'm intruding, or… I didn't come here to argue. If your answer is no then just tell me, and I'll go ask Severus."

A heavy silence filled the room. Remus turned to the window and looked out, hanging his head. "You're the first one to contact me," he admitted. "I'll send letters tonight, but I don't know if they'll accept me, now I've delayed so long. I doubt it anyway, given my condition. Werewolf is bad enough, but werewolf and a toddler to raise…"

"I wouldn't mind," I said quietly.

He raised his voice, then. "I won't force this on you unless you're the only one. You're far too young."

Unexpected anger reared up in me. "I can handle it," I said, in a tone I scarcely recognized.

His surprise showed on his face. He looked at me, really looked at me, for the first time since I'd arrived. Then he nodded, looking away. "I'm sorry. I know you could."

A moment passed, and then I stood up. "Just write me a letter. Once you know."

He nodded, hiding his relief at my obvious intent to leave. "Can you get home safely from here?"

"I'll apparate."

"Right."

I turned towards the back door, just as eager to get away as he seemed to be rid of me. I was almost through it when he stopped me with his voice.

"Wilma?"

I turned. His face had softened into unguarded exhaustion. "I'm sorry I was harsh," he said. "Thank you for coming."

I nodded my head, and then went outside. It was already starting to lightly rain. I walked through the wind out into the field, not looking back at the house. I closed my eyes and settled my mind on the new Weasley home. For a moment, I was nowhere.

NOTE

The title of this story is from The Epic of Gilgamesh.
Please mind the content warnings, which I will post at the head of each chapter!