Good morning, lovies! Sorry for the confusing posting hour. I (Ariel) am freshly in London and have absolutely no idea what time it is. So we may get a few chapters posting a tad earlier than they normally would!
thank you to Pamela for prereading!

-24-

Bella

July 8, 2023

Lighthouse Cove, Maine

I wake with the taste of lemon on my tongue.

Above me, the sky is still dark, a low glowing hue of lavender

on the horizon where the sun is waiting to be reborn for the day.

Along the length of my body, I'm aware of heat pressing into me, and for a moment, I consider what this all means.

Edward and I fell asleep last night in my hammock, our heads at either end, our eyes on the stars. There is nothing inherently sexual about our encounter, but it's surprisingly intimate.

Edward's legs are long as they rest near my head, and against my calf, I can feel his chest taking deep, slow breaths.

Despite the alcohol I had last night, I'm not hungover, and waking up with Edward so close to me is bringing my mind into a sharper focus.

He's here, despite the crazy that is who I am and makes up my life; he's still here, still interested.

I think.

What if everyone has been reading him wrong? What if all he's interested in, is being friends? What if…

Edward begins to stir, and I can't help how tense my body gets.

It feels as if I might be on the edge of something, a great cliff, facing an endless sea below. But I can't see the water, can't predict at all if there will be rocks or sharks or a current strong enough to drown in.

"Morning."

I shiver as I hear the soft rasp of Edward's first words in the morning. It's a voice I've never thought about wanting to hear, and my stomach clenches in a wild, wonderful thrill.

"Morning," I say back, my own voice thick and raspy. I feel Edward shift, and not wanting to be awkward, I sit up too.

It brings us too close together, our torsos beside one another as we both try to shake off the remnants of sleep.

Well, that's what I pretend to do. In truth, I'm wide a-fucking-wake.

Edward rolls his neck, his eyes shutting, and I take a moment to watch him. His hair is darker without the sunlight, his tan skin smooth and warm. He's got stubble on his jaw that makes my fingers itch to touch when I look at it, so I drop my gaze down his throat to his broad shoulders. Even wrapped in a blanket, I can see how strong he is through his t-shirt. Long, lean muscles that have been built through habit and lifestyle and not for show.

I let out a soft breath. He really is beautiful.

He opens his eyes, righting his head on his neck as his gaze lands on me.

"Did you sleep all right?"

I don't know why, but the question moves me. I can't remember the last time a guy was worried about my welfare, especially when the opportunity for sex was so clearly absent.

I can see it on his face that he genuinely cares how I slept.

It shoves my heart up into my throat at the thought.

"Yeah," I croak. "Edward?"

His hum is warm and soft and communicates more presence and awareness than any of my last three boyfriends ever managed during our relationships.

I feel myself tilting, teetering over the cliff, and for a moment, I'm breathless.

Edward's sea glass eyes find mine in the dim pre-dawn, and I'm drawn toward him, helpless against the sway.

"Can I kiss you?"

The words surprise me, but what's more surprising is that I don't want to take them back. We're a breath apart, and it feels as if time itself is slowing down to watch us.

"Yes," his voice is a rasp, low, quiet, tighter with surprise and what I hope is yearning. "Yes, Bella."

I lean forward, my fingers coming up to run across his jaw, playing with the stubble as my lips find his.

A feeling brighter than the sunrise beyond us fills me. His kiss is lemon and salt and sunshine, and I'm immediately lost, drunk on his warmth.

I can feel his hand on my waist, and I don't need more encouragement than that. I shift, breaking our kiss to climb awkwardly in the hammock until I'm crawling over his legs, settling my thighs on the outside of his. Our lips meet again, and this time, I feel his hands slide down my back, making my whole body shudder.

I want to be lost in this moment forever.

His body is strong and solid beneath mine, and for the first time in my life, I understand how feeling grounded by something might feel good.

I break our kiss, both of our chests heaving. In the back of my head, I'm worried by a long list of things: morning hangover breath being the first thing that pops into my head.

I don't taste it on him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't taste it on me.

"Sorry," I say, trying to turn my face from his as I talk so I don't kill him with the smell.

"For what?" He asks, his hands flexing over my hips before he starts to let go when he feels me moving away.

"I'm sure I smell and taste like death," I say, leaning back further.

Edward frowns when I glance at him. "You don't," he argues quietly.

I don't take him to be a liar, but I can't see how his words can be the truth.

"I definitely do," I say, leaning back further. "Meanwhile, you're over here tasting like a cup of fucking sunshine."

Edward lets out a surprised laugh, and I stop sliding off his lap to smile at him.

"Sunshine?" He asks, sounding deeply amused.

I huff. "The sunniest," I confirm, glancing at the rising sun over his shoulder.

Edward hums again, his hands silently asking my hips to slide back toward him. I hesitate, before allowing my body to do just that.

His body is warm in so many ways, and I shiver under his palms.

"Well, I don't know about that," he murmurs, "but you certainly don't taste like death."

I hesitate, not sure I want to ask. Finally, I suck in a breath. "What do I taste like, then?" I ask, my stomach flipping with nerves.

Edward leans forward, capturing my lips once more. This time, one of his hands sinks into my hair, and I'm fused to him, at the mercy of his attentive touch.

He breaks our kiss, licking his lips.

"You taste like the horizon."

…

I see the estuary come into view out the bus window and reach up to yank on the stop request chord. I stand as the bus pulls over on the road, thanking the driver as I disembark.

After the guys all left the house, and the girls and I had gotten together for a brief check-in, I realized I needed some time alone to think.

My luggage finally showed up, much to everyone's relief, and I was able to dress in fresh clothes and sturdy shoes to go hike about.

I've been out exploring ever since.

I hear the bus take off behind me as I head down the path Edward showed me the other night. It all looks different in the daylight, and I let my eyes scan the area for anything familiar.

Really, what I'm desperately trying not to do is think about Edward.

I've crossed a line with him that I'm not sure I can come back from. I'm certain if I told Edward I didn't want anything with him, he'd back off, but the truth is, I don't know what I want.

I don't want a relationship to worry about, but is that what this is? Or is this just a summer fling, happening because we're both bored and in town?

I let out a breath as I head down toward the water.

The truth is, I like Edward. He's funny and interesting and so fucking smart. But just because I might be developing a crush on the guy, doesn't mean I'm willing to throw all my life plans and goals to the wind.

He's made his ties to Lighthouse Cove clear, and up until a few days ago, I couldn't even fathom being tied down like that. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, even now.

He hasn't asked me to stay, I remind myself. Edward has never pushed me when I talk about my lifestyle. He hasn't tried to change me or convince me I'm missing out on something by moving around so much.

If anything, he's been supportive.

So what does this all mean? Is he looking for a summer fling? Or will he wait to try to change me once he's gained my trust?

My suspicious nature is nasty as it snaps at me that no one has ever truly been okay with my lifestyle, so why should he be?

I shove my hands up into my hair, frustrated with my thoughts. I busy myself with putting my hair into a messy bun as I walk down the narrow paths toward the water.

It's been so long since I've allowed myself to connect with anyone. Really, the only people I'm close with now in any significant way are the girls. No other person in my adult life has been able to get close to me.

That's not to say I don't have friends. I'm easy-going, and typically up for any sort of adventure, so I have plenty of friends.

But, Edward doesn't just fit in that category in my head.

For a moment, I can feel the strength of his body between my thighs, feel the smoothness of his tanned skin under my palms, and I have to stop walking and take a deep breath.

Even after finally brushing my teeth, I feel like I'm still tasting lemon and salt.

What the hell am I thinking? I can't get involved with him. Best case scenario, we part ways at the end of the summer amicably, but then what happens next year? What if he's with someone? Will I be okay watching that?

Have I ruined the peace of Lighthouse Cove?

Worst case, we proceed down this path, and one of us gets hurt.

I like Edward too much to lead him into that.

But the thought of not pursuing anything with him makes my stomach ache. I like him, probably more than I've ever let myself acknowledge, and now that I've gotten a taste of him…

I let out a sigh, standing by the water's edge. My gaze rakes across the scene, trying to forget the man who has thoroughly disrupted my natural order.

For the first time in my life, I'm not sure I know what I want.

It's terrifying, standing at the edge of uncertainty, not knowing what could possibly be waiting for me if I let myself fall.

A quiet splashing meets my ears, and I turn to see a pair of ducks scuttle between rushes. I smile as I watch them swim together.

They are in sync, even as they both seem to be on their own search for food. Can humans be that way? Can they stay in sync with one another, even on separate paths?

I suck in a deep breath that moves through my lungs and push on, taking a path further down the water's edge.

I don't know why I'm so afraid to make a move here. I've never been particularly afraid of the paths ahead of me. I've always known what I want, and just gone for it. I don't worry about failing, because I know that even if I do, I'll be okay.

Something always works out.

I reach a small peninsula of rocks, and hop up on them easily, leaving the path behind me as I head out to watch the water.

The world is wide, and I have so much to do in that world, but what if I'm missing something right in front of myself while I'm looking to the horizon?

I settle on the rocks, my mind and heart lost in thought.

…

Somehow, I manage to make my way back to Brighton Bay before dark falls. I had no idea what the bus schedule was when I wandered out, and got lucky enough to flag one down when I was ready to head back.

The bus drops me at the docks, and I make my way over, wary of texting Edward for a ride. Carlisle was the one who brought me over, but I'm sure by now Edward is on shift.

I'm hungry and exhausted from my day of exploring, and even though I could technically just go find food in town, I want to go home.

I pull out my phone, frowning before I type.

Hey, Edward. Are you available for a ride?

It's only after I send the text that I panic about how my message may be misconstrued. My mind flashes to straddling his hips this morning, and I let out a tense breath.

Before I can spiral out though, my phone is buzzing in my palm.

On my way.

I swallow hard and tuck my phone into my pocket as I look up at the water. I make my way down the dock to wait for him.

I'm no clearer than I was this afternoon, though the time alone has helped me feel better about everything, if nothing else.

Still, my wandering has provided me with no real answers.

I'm nervous to see Edward, and when I spot his boat coming closer, my stomach flips.

I can feel his gaze on me as he pulls up to the dock. I don't wait for him to fully stop before I'm scrambling on board.

"Hey," I say when I feel his eyes burning the side of my face. I turn to look at him and can't quite read his expression.

"Hey," he says, his voice quiet. He looks hesitant, and I don't blame him. Even if he knew me as well as the girls, I'd probably be impossible to predict the mood I'm in now.

Even I'm not sure how I'm feeling.

I lick my lips, but he doesn't move to start the boat back up.

"Thanks for picking me up," I say, chickening out of the conversation I know we have to have. I turn my back to him, though I can still feel his gaze on me.

After a minute, I hear the engine start back up, and a moment later, the boat is gently steering away from the dock. I take a seat, my back staying to Edward as I try to gather my thoughts.

We're about halfway to Lighthouse Cove when the engine goes quiet. I turn, surprised. Edward steps out from the helm, striding toward me.

"What's going on?" I ask, standing.

"We're going to talk," he says, his voice hard to read. He must see the panic on my face as I glance around us. "There's nowhere to run, Bella. We need to talk."

Finally, I look back at him. My stomach is churning full cartwheels inside me. "Okay," I say, my voice shaky and absolutely anything but certain.

Edward's eyes are intense as he gazes down at me. I can't stare at him too long or I know I'll start swooning, so my eyes keep darting to him and away, trying to cut the tension.

"Bella, what are you afraid of?"

I'm surprised by the question enough that my eyes land back on him. "What?"

"What's frightening you right now?" he asks again. "Is it the thought of being close to another person? Is it the physical stuff? Is it me?"

His voice nearly cracks on his last question, and I let out a rushing breath, realizing I've been inadvertently torturing him, making him think he was scaring me with his interest.

"No," I say quickly, taking a step toward him. "I'm just…" I pause, biting my lip. "Edward, you're great. You might be the best person I've ever met." I mean it too. Edward is steady and smart and kind in a way that no one else I know has ever been. "You're like…" I pause, looking him over. "You're like that scotch you were drinking last night. Complex and interesting and important because of the care that's gone into it." I shake my head. "Meanwhile, I'm a cheap beer being shotgunned by a frat kid."

Edward looks confused, though he smirks at the analogy. "Bella, what the hell are you trying to say?"

I huff. "You're amazing, okay?" I snap, annoyed he's not getting it. "And I'm not a careful person, I'm chaotic and impulsive and selfish and I'm not someone who takes care of things that are special." I swallow hard, tears unexpectedly welling in my eyes. "I like you too much to inflict the kind of person I am on you."

Edward steps toward me. "I'm not asking for you to take care of me," he says gently.

"I don't want to hurt you," I confess quietly.

"How would you?" he asks, looking confused.

I let out a breath. "I don't know what this is," I say, motioning between us. "But from where I'm standing, no outcome is good. One of us will be hurt, and I'm scared it will be you when I inevitably let you down."

Edward steps toward me again, and now he's so close, his chest is nearly brushing mine. His hands come up, cupping my face and tilting my chin up so that I'm looking into his eyes.

"You've written the whole summer in that head of yours, haven't you?" he asks quietly, his thumb brushing over my cheek. "Written us a tragedy to justify not giving anything a chance."

I shut my eyes, ashamed at the truth he's speaking.

"Bella, I know who you are," he says gently. I open my eyes and look at him. "I've known where your heart lies, and I wouldn't want that to change." His thumb brushes over my cheek again. "I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I only know that I like you too, and I'm willing to see what that means, even if it could end in heartbreak."

Tears well in my eyes. "It's going to," I warn. "And I'm going to hate myself for it."

Edward reaches up, brushing a tear away that manages to escape down my cheek. "I'm willing to try anyway," he says slowly. "Who knows what tomorrow might bring."

"I don't want to hurt you," I say again, my tears burning my eyes.

"I'm made of stronger stuff than you think," he says softly.

I'm not, I can't help thinking.

"Bella, I'm not asking for any sort of commitment. I'm not asking for you to change, or even consider changing. All I'm asking for is right now, this moment that we are in."

It's terrifying. I can feel myself on the edge, still teetering, fighting a wind that's trying to sway me.

But then I look into his eyes, and I can see he means what he says. He's not asking for more than what I can give, all he's asking for is now.

And I've always done well with now.

I push up on my toes, my lips meeting his, and I feel his body press against mine, his arms leaving my face to cradle my head. My arms wrap around his waist, scratching against his shirt as I taste citrus and the sea.

"I can give you now," I tell him quietly, breaking our kiss. "I have no idea what will happen when I leave Lighthouse Cove," I warn, and he shakes his head.

"Now, Bella. Only now."

His head dips and I push up to kiss him again, more than happy to give him now.